[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:01.70,0:00:03.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Half bell)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.15,0:00:13.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Bell)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.04,0:00:32.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dear Thay, dear Sangha,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.36,0:00:37.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I suffer a lot from my father...
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.05,0:00:41.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He is...
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.40,0:00:45.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is difficult for me...
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.56,0:00:51.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to see him...and...
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.79,0:00:55.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it has almost become dangerous.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.44,0:00:59.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't want to see him anymore
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.60,0:01:03.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I have given him\Nseveral chances to change
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.14,0:01:09.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have been forcing myself to go
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.25,0:01:11.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,now I can't.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.28,0:01:14.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my question is:
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.62,0:01:20.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do I still have to try and change him,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.78,0:01:23.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and try to go to him
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.75,0:01:28.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even though it is\Nmaking me very tired?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.09,0:01:40.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dear Thay, our friend said that
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.51,0:01:43.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he has a lot of difficulties\Nwith his father.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.18,0:01:48.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It has been very difficult\Nfor him to see his father
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.78,0:01:52.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he feels that it has\Neven become dangerous
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.85,0:01:55.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he has tried to\Nforce himself to go
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.87,0:01:58.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to give his father many\Nchances to change,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.78,0:02:00.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to transform,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.26,0:02:03.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but he feels that it\Nhas not been successful.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.67,0:02:08.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He feels that he cannot\Nforce himself to go anymore,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.28,0:02:13.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but he is asking Thay if\Nhe should to continue to try
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.02,0:02:18.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to bring his father\Nto transform, to change,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.44,0:02:25.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to push himself to try\Nto help his father to change
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.66,0:02:33.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In order to find the right answer,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.49,0:02:35.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we have to look first,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.40,0:02:38.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,look more deeply,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.03,0:02:44.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to see the relationship between\Nus and the other person,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.76,0:02:51.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether you are son and father,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.24,0:02:55.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or whether you are daughter and mother,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.64,0:03:00.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or you are partner and partner.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.94,0:03:04.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if you have difficulty\Nwith the other person,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.79,0:03:08.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if you want to\Nchange him or her,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.16,0:03:17.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the first thing we should do is\Nto look deeply into ourselves
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.65,0:03:20.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and into that person
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.70,0:03:23.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to realise....
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.62,0:03:26.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to see the relationship, the connection.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.56,0:03:30.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Usually, we think that...
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.81,0:03:34.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the other person is outside of us.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.90,0:03:41.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that is not right view.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.19,0:03:45.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In this case,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.18,0:03:48.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we think that the father is outside of us
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.51,0:03:53.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we need only to change\Nthe outside and not the inside.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.39,0:04:00.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to see that\Nour father is in us.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.84,0:04:04.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our father is present\Nin every cell of our body.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.22,0:04:06.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have our father in us.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.99,0:04:10.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are the continuation\Nof our father.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.60,0:04:21.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it may be easier for us to change\Nour father inside of us first.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.72,0:04:26.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we can do that 24 hours a day.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.100,0:04:29.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don't need to go and see him,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.94,0:04:32.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talk to him in order to change him.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.58,0:04:35.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The way we breathe,\Nthe way we walk,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.72,0:04:38.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can change him in ourselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.71,0:04:41.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Invite him to walk with us,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.06,0:04:43.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to sit with us,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.50,0:04:45.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to smile with us.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.85,0:04:49.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then the father\Ninside of us will change.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.47,0:04:54.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Otherwise, you will grow up\Nand behave exactly like him now.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.34,0:05:01.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are many children\Nwho hate their father,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.64,0:05:04.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who promise that when they grow up,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.46,0:05:09.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they will not act and\Nsay things like their father.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.16,0:05:10.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But when they grow up,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.75,0:05:13.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they will act exactly like their father.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.82,0:05:17.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they will say things\Nexactly like their father.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.15,0:05:25.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That has happened many times, always.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.26,0:05:28.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you hate it,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.70,0:05:30.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you don't want to do it,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.23,0:05:31.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you don't want to say it,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.99,0:05:35.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and yet you will do exactly like that,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.70,0:05:38.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you will speak exactly like that.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.49,0:05:44.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that is what we call in Buddhism,\N"Samsara", going around.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.67,0:05:48.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You continue your father,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.14,0:05:50.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not only with your body,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.64,0:05:53.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but also with your way of life.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.76,0:05:58.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So that is why when you\Nencounter the Buddhadharma,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.58,0:06:00.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have a chance.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.69,0:06:03.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to change\Nyour father in you first.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.17,0:06:09.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when you have been able
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.55,0:06:11.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to change the father inside of you,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.74,0:06:14.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he will not go to Samsara again.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.94,0:06:18.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You will not transmit\Nthat kind of habit to your children.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.85,0:06:23.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you end the round of\NSamsara, going around...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.99,0:06:28.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,recycle...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.80,0:06:31.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,recycling...
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.58,0:06:36.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when the father inside\Nhas been transformed,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.96,0:06:42.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the transformation of the father\Noutside will be much easier.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.75,0:06:44.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is my experience.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.02,0:06:54.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have fellow monks who are difficult.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.16,0:06:58.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.68,0:07:02.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They are dignitaries in the church,\Nin the Buddhist church.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.84,0:07:11.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They are very conservative....
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.56,0:07:15.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,....conservative...
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.64,0:07:20.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They didn't allow transformation\Nto take place in the...
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.79,0:07:24.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the community.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.96,0:07:28.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know that in order\Nto serve society,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.88,0:07:33.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to renew your community.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.49,0:07:36.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whether your community is Christianity
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.12,0:07:42.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or Buddhism or Islam or Judaism, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.70,0:07:47.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And many of us are eager\Nto renew our tradition,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.11,0:07:51.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to serve our society\Nand human beings better, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.77,0:07:56.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But there are so many\Nconservative elements in the church.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.32,0:07:59.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So that is true in my case also.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.61,0:08:06.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I noticed this very early.\NI said:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.16,0:08:07.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have...
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.55,0:08:10.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They are in us.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.12,0:08:13.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to change ourselves first.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.43,0:08:21.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So if you are a partner,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.91,0:08:25.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and your partner does not change.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:26.17,0:08:31.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't think that your partner\Nis just outside of you.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.20,0:08:34.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your partner is inside of you.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.37,0:08:38.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even if you have divorced him or her.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.83,0:08:46.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yesterday I received a question:
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.20,0:08:55.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Can we reconcile, can we begin anew\Nwith the one whom we have divorced?"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.40,0:09:02.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is exactly\Nthe question we have to answer
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.18,0:09:05.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because even...
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.12,0:09:10.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the beginning you believe\Nthat after the divorce,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.39,0:09:13.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then you can be yourself entirely,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.10,0:09:17.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you can take him\Nout of you completely.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.90,0:09:21.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is wrong.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.40,0:09:22.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughs)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.42,0:09:26.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can never remove himself from you.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.81,0:09:29.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can never remove\Nherself from you.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.62,0:09:32.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No way!
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.60,0:09:40.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So before you attempt to do something\Nwith the other person outside,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.43,0:09:45.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,try to help him transform inside.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.15,0:09:48.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,try to help her transform inside.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:52.85,0:09:54.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And...
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.08,0:09:56.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with this practice,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.18,0:10:00.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can succeed in transforming ourselves
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.77,0:10:04.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and become a model.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.65,0:10:06.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We become fresh.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.93,0:10:11.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our way is exactly\Nthe way we want him to be
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.87,0:10:18.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So by speaking,\Nby acting, by living,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.02,0:10:22.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you begin to change him.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.98,0:10:26.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't change him by talking
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.03,0:10:28.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe talking cannot change him.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.29,0:10:36.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But your way of reacting,\Nyour way of acting, reacting,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.15,0:10:39.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your way of responding,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.37,0:10:42.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will help change that person.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.27,0:10:47.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because he has also his intelligence,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:48.05,0:10:50.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he can notice that.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.72,0:10:54.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And...
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.63,0:10:56.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know that...
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.31,0:11:00.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to succeed in the work\Nof changing oneself,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.90,0:11:02.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and changing the other person,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.80,0:11:07.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you also need a Sangha,\Nyou also need friends to support you.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.63,0:11:15.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is why we have to\Ntake refuge in the Sangha.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.61,0:11:20.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to know how to make good use\Nof the collective energy of the Sangha
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.89,0:11:23.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to support our transformation and healing
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.76,0:11:27.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to help us transform the other person.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.09,0:11:30.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't be too eager to\Ntransform him right away.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.48,0:11:36.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to accept him as he is first.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.20,0:11:39.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to accept her as she is first.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.65,0:11:44.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And after acceptance,\Nyou feel much better already.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.94,0:11:47.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you begin to change him inside of you.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:48.33,0:11:50.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a very deep practice.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.06,0:11:54.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And since our friend has been\Ncoming to Plum Village every year
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.98,0:11:58.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and practiced with us\Nsince he was a small child,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:58.86,0:12:01.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I believe he can do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.08,0:12:04.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we try to support him to do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.54,0:12:08.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Never lose our hope.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:09.13,0:12:10.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And...
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.54,0:12:12.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the way not to lose our hope,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.54,0:12:17.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to make progress everyday,\Nby the practice, daily practice.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.27,0:12:22.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you for asking the question.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:22.04,0:12:23.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is very good.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.17,0:12:27.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Half bell)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.04,0:12:36.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Bell)