[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.91,0:00:03.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, we all have bad seasons in life.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.75,0:00:05.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I had one in 2013.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.37,0:00:07.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My marriage had just ended,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.74,0:00:10.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was humiliated\Nby that failed commitment.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.42,0:00:13.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My kids had left home for college\Nor were leaving.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.04,0:00:16.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I grew up mostly\Nin the conservative movement,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.39,0:00:17.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but conservatism had changed,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.02,0:00:20.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I lost a lot of those friends, too.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.44,0:00:23.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so what I did is,\NI lived alone in an apartment,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.45,0:00:24.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I just worked.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.42,0:00:28.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you opened the kitchen drawers\Nwhere there should have been utensils,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.85,0:00:30.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there were Post-it notes.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.92,0:00:34.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you opened the other drawers\Nwhere there should have been plates,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.16,0:00:35.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had envelopes.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.88,0:00:39.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had work friends, weekday friends,\Nbut I didn't have weekend friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.94,0:00:43.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so my weekends\Nwere these long, howling silences.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.27,0:00:45.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I was lonely.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.40,0:00:49.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And loneliness, unexpectedly,\Ncame to me in the form of --
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.40,0:00:53.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it felt like fear,\Na burning in my stomach.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.27,0:00:55.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it felt a little like drunkenness,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.98,0:01:00.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just making bad decisions,\Njust fluidity, lack of solidity.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.91,0:01:05.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the painful part of that moment\Nwas the awareness
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.20,0:01:08.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the emptiness in my apartment\Nwas just reflective of the emptiness
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.63,0:01:10.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in myself,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.25,0:01:13.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that I had fallen for some of the lies\Nthat our culture tells us.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.20,0:01:18.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first lie is that\Ncareer success is fulfilling.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.63,0:01:20.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've had a fair bit of career success,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.49,0:01:23.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I've found that it helps me avoid\Nthe shame I would feel
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.35,0:01:25.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if I felt myself a failure,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.05,0:01:27.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it hasn't given me any positive good.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.20,0:01:31.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The second lie is I can make myself happy,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.48,0:01:34.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that if I just win one more victory,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.59,0:01:38.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,lose 15 pounds, do a little more yoga,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.10,0:01:39.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll get happy.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.74,0:01:42.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's the lie of self-sufficiency.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.42,0:01:45.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But as anybody\Non their deathbed will tell you,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.12,0:01:48.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the things that make people happy\Nis the deep relationships of life,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.41,0:01:50.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the losing of self-sufficiency.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.80,0:01:54.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The third lie is the lie\Nof the meritocracy.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.59,0:01:58.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The message of the meritocracy\Nis you are what you accomplish.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.13,0:02:01.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The myth of the meritocracy\Nis you can earn dignity
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.62,0:02:04.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by attaching yourself\Nto prestigious brands.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.26,0:02:07.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The emotion of the meritocracy\Nis conditional love,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.09,0:02:08.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can "earn" your way to love.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.97,0:02:12.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The anthropology of the meritocracy\Nis you're not a soul to be purified,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.41,0:02:14.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're a set of skills to be maximized.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.90,0:02:16.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the evil of the meritocracy
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.78,0:02:19.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that people who've achieved\Na little more than others
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.46,0:02:21.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are actually worth\Na little more than others.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.14,0:02:24.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so the wages of sin are sin.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.82,0:02:26.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my sins were the sins of omission--
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.72,0:02:29.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not reaching out,\Nfailing to show up for my friends,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.22,0:02:30.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,evasion, avoiding conflict.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.56,0:02:34.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the weird thing was\Nthat as I was falling into the valley --
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.71,0:02:36.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was a valley of disconnection --
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.44,0:02:38.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a lot of other people\Nwere doing that, too.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.01,0:02:41.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's sort of\Nthe secret to my career;
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.05,0:02:42.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a lot of the things that happen to me
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.84,0:02:45.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are always happening\Nto a lot of other people.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.03,0:02:48.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm a very average person\Nwith above average communication skills.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.24,0:02:49.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.37,0:02:50.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so I was detached.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.25,0:02:54.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And at the same time,\Na lot of other people were detached
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.54,0:02:57.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and isolated and fragmented\Nfrom each other.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.08,0:03:00.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thirty-five percent of Americans\Nover 45 are chronically lonely.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.18,0:03:03.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Only eight percent of Americans\Nreport having meaningful conversation
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.55,0:03:04.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with their neighbors.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.72,0:03:07.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Only 32 percent of Americans\Nsay they trust their neighbors,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.57,0:03:09.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and only 18 percent of millennials.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.85,0:03:12.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The fastest-growing\Npolitical party is unaffiliated.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.31,0:03:14.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The fastest-growing religious\Nmovement is unaffiliated.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.92,0:03:17.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Depression rates are rising,\Nmental health problems are rising.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.92,0:03:21.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The suicide rate has risen\N30 percent since 1999.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.19,0:03:23.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For teen suicides\Nover the last several years,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.39,0:03:26.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the suicide rate has risen by 70 percent.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.25,0:03:29.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Forty-five thousand Americans\Nkill themselves every year;
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.95,0:03:32.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,72,000 die from opioid addictions;
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.20,0:03:35.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,life expectancy is falling, not rising.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.98,0:03:39.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what I mean to tell you,\NI flew out here to say
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.60,0:03:42.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we have an economic crisis,\Nwe have environmental crisis,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.55,0:03:43.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we have a political crisis.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.94,0:03:46.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We also have a social\Nand relational crisis;
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.04,0:03:47.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we're in the valley.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.40,0:03:49.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're fragmented from each other,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.03,0:03:51.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we've got cascades of lies\Ncoming out of Washington ...
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.65,0:03:52.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're in the valley.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.47,0:03:55.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so I've spent the last five years --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.47,0:03:56.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how do you get out of a valley?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.36,0:04:00.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Greeks used to say,\N"You suffer your way to wisdom."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.01,0:04:04.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And from that dark period where I started,\NI've had a few realizations.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.23,0:04:08.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first is, freedom sucks.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.100,0:04:11.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Economic freedom is OK,\Npolitical freedom is great,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.70,0:04:13.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,social freedom sucks.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.04,0:04:16.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The unrooted man is the adrift man.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.39,0:04:20.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The unrooted man is the unremembered man,\Nbecause he's uncommitted to things.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.78,0:04:24.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Freedom is not an ocean\Nyou want to swim in,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.33,0:04:26.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's a river you want to get across,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.09,0:04:28.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so you can commit and plant yourself\Non the other side.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.27,0:04:30.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The second thing I learned
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.95,0:04:33.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that when you have\None of those bad moments in life,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.57,0:04:34.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can either be broken,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.89,0:04:36.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or you can be broken open.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.90,0:04:38.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we all know people who are broken.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.76,0:04:41.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They've endured some pain\Nor grief, they get smaller,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.30,0:04:43.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they get angrier, resentful,\Nthey lash out.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.70,0:04:44.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As the saying is,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.88,0:04:47.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Pain that is not transformed\Ngets transmitted."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.93,0:04:49.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But other people are broken open.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.12,0:04:54.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Suffering's great power\Nis that it's an interruption of life.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.25,0:04:57.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It reminds you you're not the person\Nyou thought you were.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.04,0:04:58.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The theologian Paul Tillich said
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.60,0:05:02.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what suffering does is it carves through\Nwhat you thought was the floor
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.04,0:05:03.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the basement of your soul,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.45,0:05:05.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it carves through that,\Nrevealing a cavity below,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.99,0:05:08.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it carves through that,\Nrevealing a cavity below.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.50,0:05:11.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You realize there are depths of yourself\Nyou never anticipated,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.54,0:05:14.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and only spiritual and relational food\Nwill fill those depths.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.17,0:05:19.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when you get down there,\Nyou get out of the head of the ego
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.16,0:05:20.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you get into the heart,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.87,0:05:22.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the desiring heart.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.66,0:05:26.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The idea that what we really yearn for\Nis longing and love for another,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.31,0:05:29.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the kind of thing that Louis de Bernières\Ndescribed in his book,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.38,0:05:31.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Captain Corelli's Mandolin."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.30,0:05:33.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He had an old guy talking to his daughter
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.31,0:05:35.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about his relationship with his late wife,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.35,0:05:36.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the old guy says,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.76,0:05:40.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Love itself is whatever is leftover\Nwhen being in love is burned away.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.48,0:05:43.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is both an art\Nand a fortunate accident.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.70,0:05:45.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Your mother and I had it.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.41,0:05:47.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We had roots that grew\Ntowards each other underground,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.97,0:05:50.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and when all the pretty blossoms\Nhad fallen from our branches,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.93,0:05:53.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we discovered that we are\None tree and not two."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.70,0:05:55.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what the heart yearns for.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.59,0:05:58.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The second thing\Nyou discover is your soul.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.93,0:06:01.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I don't ask you to believe in God\Nor not believe in God,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.83,0:06:04.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I do ask you to believe\Nthat there's a piece of you
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.44,0:06:06.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that has no shape, size, color or weight,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.44,0:06:09.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that gives you\Ninfinite dignity and value.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.40,0:06:11.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rich and successful people\Ndon't have more of this
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.78,0:06:13.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than less successful people.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.97,0:06:17.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Slavery is wrong because\Nit's an obliteration of another soul.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.18,0:06:20.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rape is not just an attack\Non a bunch of physical molecules,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.04,0:06:22.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's an attempt to insult\Nanother person's soul.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.99,0:06:26.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what the soul does\Nis it yearns for righteousness.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.06,0:06:29.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The heart yearns for fusion with another,\Nthe soul yearns for righteousness.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.66,0:06:32.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that led to my third realization,\Nwhich I borrowed from Einstein:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.66,0:06:36.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"The problem you have\Nis not going to be solved
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.16,0:06:38.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at the level of consciousness\Non which you created it.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.90,0:06:42.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to expand\Nto a different level of consciousness."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.80,0:06:44.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what do you do?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.04,0:06:47.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, the first thing you do\Nis you throw yourself on your friends
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.17,0:06:50.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you have deeper conversations\Nthat you ever had before.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.16,0:06:51.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the second thing you do,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.54,0:06:53.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to go out alone\Ninto the wilderness.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.70,0:06:56.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You go out into that place\Nwhere there's nobody there to perform,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.79,0:06:59.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the ego has nothing to do,\Nand it crumbles,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:59.20,0:07:01.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and only then are you capable\Nof being loved.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.71,0:07:05.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have a friend who said\Nthat when her daughter was born,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.07,0:07:08.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she realized that she loved her\Nmore than evolution required.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.04,0:07:10.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.21,0:07:11.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I've always loved that.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.64,0:07:12.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.80,0:07:15.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because it talks about the peace\Nthat's at the deep of ourself,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.78,0:07:18.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our inexplicable care for one another.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.51,0:07:21.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when you touch that spot,\Nyou're ready to be rescued.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.82,0:07:24.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The hard thing about\Nwhen you're in the valley
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.30,0:07:26.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that you can't climb out;
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.67,0:07:28.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,somebody has to reach in and pull you out.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.33,0:07:30.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It happened to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.51,0:07:34.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got, luckily, invited over to a house\Nby a couple named Kathy and David,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.06,0:07:35.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they were --
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.20,0:07:38.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They had a kid in the DC\Npublic school, his name's Santi.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.90,0:07:40.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Santi had a friend\Nwho needed a place to stay
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.02,0:07:42.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because his mom had some health issues.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.91,0:07:45.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then that kid had a friend\Nand that kid had a friend.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.62,0:07:47.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I went to their house six years ago,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.65,0:07:50.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I walk in the door, there's like\N25 around the kitchen table,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.57,0:07:52.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a whole bunch sleeping\Ndownstairs in the basement.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.94,0:07:55.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I reach out to introduce myself to a kid,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.03,0:07:57.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he says, "We don't really\Nshake hands here.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.33,0:07:59.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We just hug here."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.32,0:08:03.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm not the huggiest guy\Non the face of the earth,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:03.32,0:08:06.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I've been going back to that home\Nevery Thursday night when I'm in town,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.93,0:08:08.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and just hugging all those kids.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.49,0:08:10.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They demand intimacy.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.40,0:08:14.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They demand that you behave in a way\Nwhere you're showing all the way up.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.44,0:08:16.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they teach you a new way to live,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.26,0:08:18.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is the cure\Nfor all the ills of our culture
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.58,0:08:21.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is a way of direct --\Nreally putting relationship first,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.56,0:08:24.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not just as a word, but as a reality.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.56,0:08:29.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the beautiful thing is,\Nthese communities are everywhere.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.65,0:08:33.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I started something at the Aspen Institute\Ncalled "Weave: The Social Fabric."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:33.32,0:08:34.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is our logo here.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.50,0:08:38.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we plop into a place and we find\Nweavers anywhere, everywhere.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.76,0:08:41.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We find people like Asiaha Butler,\Nwho grew up in --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.06,0:08:44.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who lived in Chicago, in Englewood,\Nin a tough neighborhood.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.90,0:08:47.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she was about to move\Nbecause it was so dangerous,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.17,0:08:51.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she looked across the street\Nand she saw two little girls
Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.06,0:08:53.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,playing in an empty lot\Nwith broken bottles,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.16,0:08:56.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she turned to her husband\Nand she said, "We're not leaving.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:56.37,0:08:59.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're not going to be just another family\Nthat abandon that."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.37,0:09:02.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she Googled "volunteer in Englewood,"\Nand now she runs R.A.G.E.,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.60,0:09:04.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the big community organization there.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.42,0:09:07.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some of these people\Nhave had tough valleys.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.43,0:09:11.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I met a woman named Sarah in Ohio\Nwho came home from an antiquing trip
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.16,0:09:14.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and found that her husband\Nhad killed himself and their two kids.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.82,0:09:19.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She now runs a free pharmacy,\Nshe volunteers in the community,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:19.22,0:09:22.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she helps women cope\Nwith violence, she teaches.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.24,0:09:25.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She told me, "I grew from this\Nexperience because I was angry.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:25.32,0:09:28.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was going to fight back against\Nwhat he tried to do to me
Dialogue: 0,0:09:28.12,0:09:29.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by making a difference in the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.89,0:09:31.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,See, he didn't kill me.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.97,0:09:33.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My response to him is,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:33.18,0:09:37.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Whatever you meant to do to me,\Nscrew you, you're not going to do it.'"
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.03,0:09:41.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These weavers are not living\Nan individualistic life,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.43,0:09:44.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're living a relationist life,\Nthey have a different set of values.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.82,0:09:46.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They have moral motivations.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.27,0:09:49.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They have vocational certitude,\Nthey have planted themselves down.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.42,0:09:51.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I met a guy in Youngstown, Ohio,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.03,0:09:53.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who just held up a sign\Nin the town square,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.08,0:09:54.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Defend Youngstown."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.26,0:09:56.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They have radical mutuality,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.16,0:09:58.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they are geniuses at relationship.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:59.18,0:10:00.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's a woman named Mary Gordon
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.88,0:10:03.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who runs something\Ncalled Roots of Empathy.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.03,0:10:06.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what they do is they take\Na bunch of kids, an eighth grade class,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.32,0:10:08.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they put a mom and an infant,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.08,0:10:11.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then the students have to guess\Nwhat the infant is thinking,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.13,0:10:12.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to teach empathy.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.30,0:10:15.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There was one kid in a class\Nwho was bigger than the rest
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.43,0:10:19.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because he'd been held back,\Nbeen through the foster care system,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.04,0:10:20.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,seen his mom get killed.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.69,0:10:22.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he wanted to hold the baby.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.59,0:10:25.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the mom was nervous\Nbecause he looked big and scary.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.25,0:10:27.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But she let this kid,\NDarren, hold the baby.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:27.87,0:10:29.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He held it, and he was great with it.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.01,0:10:34.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He gave the baby back and started\Nasking questions about parenthood.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.02,0:10:36.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And his final question was,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:36.97,0:10:40.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"If nobody has ever loved you,\Ndo you think you can be a good father?"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.64,0:10:42.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so what Roots of Empathy does
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.33,0:10:45.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is they reach down and they grab\Npeople out of the valley.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.08,0:10:46.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's what weavers are doing.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.30,0:10:51.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some of them switch jobs.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:51.95,0:10:54.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some of them stay in their same jobs.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.98,0:10:57.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But one thing is,\Nthey have an intensity to them.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.98,0:10:59.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I read this --
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.39,0:11:05.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,E.O. Wilson wrote a great book\Ncalled "Naturalist," about his childhood.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.71,0:11:08.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When he was seven,\Nhis parents were divorcing.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.29,0:11:12.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they sent him\Nto Paradise Beach in North Florida.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.48,0:11:14.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he'd never seen the ocean before.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:14.73,0:11:17.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he'd never seen a jellyfish before.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.09,0:11:21.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He wrote, "The creature was astonishing.\NIt existed beyond my imagination."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.60,0:11:23.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was sitting on the dock one day
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.28,0:11:26.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he saw a stingray\Nfloat beneath his feet.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.36,0:11:30.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And at that moment, a naturalist was born\Nin the awe and wonder.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.47,0:11:32.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he makes this observation:
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.64,0:11:33.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that when you're a child,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.88,0:11:37.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you see animals at twice the size\Nas you do as an adult.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.16,0:11:39.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that has always impressed me,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.96,0:11:44.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because what we want as kids\Nis that moral intensity,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.74,0:11:47.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be totally given ourselves\Nover to something
Dialogue: 0,0:11:47.71,0:11:50.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to find that level of vocation.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.48,0:11:52.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when you are around these weavers,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.47,0:11:55.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they see other people\Nat twice the size as normal people.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:55.46,0:11:57.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They see deeper into them.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.100,0:12:00.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what they see is joy.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.32,0:12:04.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On the first mountain of our life,\Nwhen we're shooting for our career,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:04.74,0:12:06.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we shoot for happiness.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.65,0:12:10.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And happiness is good,\Nit's the expansion of self.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.72,0:12:12.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You win a victory,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.49,0:12:16.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you get a promotion,\Nyour team wins the Super Bowl,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.51,0:12:17.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're happy.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.15,0:12:21.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Joy is not the expansion of self,\Nit's the dissolving of self.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:22.76,0:12:27.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the moment when the skin barrier\Ndisappears between a mother and her child,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:27.03,0:12:30.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's the moment when a naturalist\Nfeels just free in nature.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.23,0:12:34.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the moment where you're so lost\Nin your work or a cause,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.20,0:12:36.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have totally self-forgotten.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.65,0:12:39.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And joy is a better thing\Nto aim for than happiness.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:39.56,0:12:42.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I collect passages of joy,\Nof people when they lose it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:42.62,0:12:44.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of my favorite is from Zadie Smith.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.90,0:12:48.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In 1999, she was in a London nightclub,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.23,0:12:51.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,looking for her friends,\Nwondering where her handbag was.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:51.35,0:12:53.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And suddenly, as she writes,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.48,0:12:56.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"... a rail-thin man with enormous eyes\Nreached across a sea of bodies
Dialogue: 0,0:12:56.82,0:12:57.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for my hand.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.02,0:13:01.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He kept asking me the same thing\Nover and over, 'Are you feeling it?'
Dialogue: 0,0:13:01.78,0:13:05.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My ridiculous heels were killing me,\NI was terrified that I might die,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.66,0:13:08.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,yet I felt simultaneously\Noverwhelmed with delight
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.13,0:13:10.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that 'Can I Kick It?'\Nshould happen to be playing
Dialogue: 0,0:13:10.46,0:13:12.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on this precise moment\Nin the history of the world
Dialogue: 0,0:13:12.83,0:13:13.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the sound system,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.01,0:13:16.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it was now morphing\Ninto 'Teen Spirit.'
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.16,0:13:19.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I took the man's hand,\Nthe top of my head blew away,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:19.35,0:13:22.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we danced, we danced,\Nwe gave ourselves up to joy."
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.68,0:13:27.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so what I'm trying to describe\Nis two different life mindsets.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:27.100,0:13:32.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first mountain mindset, which is about\Nindividual happiness and career success.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:32.49,0:13:35.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's a good mindset,\NI have nothing against it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:35.08,0:13:37.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we're in a national valley,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.40,0:13:40.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we don't have\Nthe other mindset to balance it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.25,0:13:42.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We no longer feel good\Nabout ourselves as a people,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:42.84,0:13:45.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we've lost our defining\Nfaith in our future,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.55,0:13:48.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we don't see each other deeply,\Nwe don't treat each other as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.54,0:13:51.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we need a lot of changes.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.55,0:13:54.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need an economic change\Nand environmental change.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:54.90,0:13:57.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we also need a cultural\Nand relational revolution.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:57.87,0:14:02.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to name the language\Nof a recovered society.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:02.55,0:14:05.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And to me, the weavers\Nhave found that language.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:05.59,0:14:08.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My theory of social change\Nis that society changes
Dialogue: 0,0:14:08.72,0:14:11.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when a small group of people\Nfind a better way to live,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.39,0:14:13.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the rest of us copy them.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:13.76,0:14:16.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And these weavers have found\Na better way to live.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:16.43,0:14:18.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you don't have to theorize about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.40,0:14:21.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They are out there as community builders\Nall around the country.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:22.28,0:14:24.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We just have to shift our lives a little,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:24.58,0:14:27.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so we can say, "I'm a weaver,\Nwe're a weaver."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:27.100,0:14:29.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if we do that,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:30.08,0:14:32.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the hole inside ourselves gets filled,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:32.45,0:14:35.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but more important,\Nthe social unity gets repaired.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:35.30,0:14:36.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you very much.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:36.49,0:14:40.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)