(Half bell)
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Dear Thay, my question is...
Since I was younger growing up
I felt I was always being compared
to someone who was better than myself.
I have experienced that
since I was little up until now.
It causes me to seek affirmation for my own decisions
in someone else's opinion,
whether what I did is a good decision or a bad decision.
And I feel when someone speaks good of me or compliments me
I feel very happy about it.
But if someone speaks negatively of me
I feel like I am not good enough
and it makes me feel like I am always second,
always a shadow of something I cannot attain.
I feel sometimes I lose ground of my own self.
My question is how do I become more stable
so I don't need to seek affirmations outside of myself.
(Sister) Dear Thay, dear Sangha,
our friend's question
is about how to be solid in herself.
When she makes decisions,
she may look for compliments or approval from others
for decisions or actions that she has taken.
When she is praised,
then she feels good about herself.
But if there is some criticism,
she feels like she is not good enough,
that she is second best, and falls short,
that she is a shadow of what she could be.
So her question is
how she can be more solid in those situations,
and practice with that.
The practice of mindfulness can help you
to have faith in yourself.
If you look deeply at things,
we have our own way of understanding.
In our daily life that kind of insight
that we get concerning people and things,
is confirmed by your life,
by your daily experiences,
and you believe in your insight.
If you really believe in your insight,
then you have confidence in yourself.
If you practice mindful breathing well enough,
and you find it helpful,
you get the joy, the happiness, the peace
while practicing
and then you believe in the effectiveness of the practice.
Then even if one thousand people would say that is useless,
that it does not make sense to practice mindful breathing,
you would still smile.
Because you know by your own experience
that mindful breathing helps you
to be fresh, to be peaceful, to be happy.
So the opinions of other people
cannot make you abandon your conviction,
your belief.
You know that the notion of beauty
differs with every person.
Something can be very beautiful to someone
but not beautiful to other people.
The notions of beauty, or ugliness,
they are notions,
and you are not affected by their opinions.
You are a flower in the garden of humanity.
You are not something less than a flower in the garden of humanity.
You belong to the kingdom of God,
like any other wonder of life.
If you have that insight,
if you know that you have the seed of compassion,
of joy, of happiness in you,
then you know that you have a value.
If you believe in the existence of these qualities,
transmitted by your parents and ancestors,
and you are a continuation of them,
then the opinions people have on you will have no effect.
You still continue.
During the war in Vietnam
I worked for peace.
My community did not take sides in the war,
we wanted reconciliation.
We did not want the North and the South
fighting and killing each other.
And we believed that to be the truth,
the best, most beautiful path to go:
the path of compassion.
People in the warring parties looked upon us with suspicion.
They thought that we were stupid.
If you take side with one warring party,
you are at least protected by that warring party.
If you don't take the side of any warring party,
then you are exposed to be attacked by both warring parties.
But if you believe
that your path is the path of compassion,
the path of humanity, you continue.
Millions of people believed that we were Communists.
They were afraid of communism, they wanted to kill communists.
We put ourselves in danger.
And other people thought that we were pro-American.
Many millions of people misunderstood us
and yet we still continued with our path,
because we had belief in our values.
I think if you continue to practice like that
you will be solid as a mountain.
You will not be assaulted by any kind of opinions.
Good luck!
(Laughter)
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