WEBVTT

00:00:00.973 --> 00:00:03.036
(Half bell)

00:00:09.699 --> 00:00:16.499
(Bell)

NOTE Paragraph

00:00:33.394 --> 00:00:36.832
Dear Thay, my question is...

00:00:37.556 --> 00:00:39.851
Since I was younger growing up

00:00:40.198 --> 00:00:42.661
I felt I was always
being compared

00:00:43.162 --> 00:00:47.418
to someone who was better than myself.

00:00:48.215 --> 00:00:49.822
I have experienced that

00:00:50.117 --> 00:00:53.934
since I was little up until now.

NOTE Paragraph

00:00:56.922 --> 00:01:04.855
It causes me to seek affirmation
for my own decisions

00:01:05.638 --> 00:01:07.751
in someone else's opinion,

00:01:08.216 --> 00:01:15.352
whether what I did
is a good decision or a bad decision.

00:01:16.332 --> 00:01:22.530
And I feel when someone speaks
good of me or compliments me

00:01:22.977 --> 00:01:25.457
I feel very happy about it.

00:01:25.811 --> 00:01:28.604
But if someone speaks negatively of me

00:01:28.800 --> 00:01:31.023
I feel like I am not good enough

00:01:31.428 --> 00:01:36.876
and it makes me feel
like I am always second,

00:01:37.279 --> 00:01:42.502
always a shadow of something
I cannot attain.

00:01:43.739 --> 00:01:48.001
I feel sometimes I lose ground
of my own self.

NOTE Paragraph

00:01:48.654 --> 00:01:52.396
My question is
how do I become more stable

00:01:52.583 --> 00:01:58.487
so I don't need
to seek affirmations outside of myself.

NOTE Paragraph

00:02:06.052 --> 00:02:08.633
(Sister) Dear Thay, dear Sangha,

00:02:09.528 --> 00:02:11.068
our friend's question

00:02:12.267 --> 00:02:16.230
is about how to be solid in herself.

00:02:16.557 --> 00:02:18.965
When she makes decisions,

00:02:19.189 --> 00:02:22.642
she may look for compliments
or approval from others

00:02:23.106 --> 00:02:26.354
for decisions or actions
that she has taken.

00:02:28.576 --> 00:02:30.363
When she is praised,

00:02:30.546 --> 00:02:32.490
then she feels good about herself.

00:02:32.682 --> 00:02:34.246
But if there is some criticism,

00:02:34.449 --> 00:02:36.465
she feels like she is not good enough,

00:02:36.664 --> 00:02:39.674
that she is second best, and falls short,

00:02:39.744 --> 00:02:42.085
that she is a shadow
of what she could be.

NOTE Paragraph

00:02:42.376 --> 00:02:43.962
So her question is

00:02:44.198 --> 00:02:48.523
how she can be more solid
in those situations,

00:02:48.770 --> 00:02:51.809
and practice with that.

NOTE Paragraph

00:02:53.656 --> 00:02:57.151
The practice of mindfulness
can help you

00:02:58.238 --> 00:03:02.934
to have faith in yourself.

00:03:07.769 --> 00:03:13.150
If you look deeply at things,

00:03:14.119 --> 00:03:18.005
we have our own way of understanding.

00:03:20.514 --> 00:03:24.996
In our daily life that kind of insight

00:03:25.123 --> 00:03:29.141
that we get
concerning people and things,

00:03:29.926 --> 00:03:35.372
is confirmed by your life,

00:03:35.812 --> 00:03:38.151
by your daily experiences,

00:03:41.213 --> 00:03:45.291
and you believe in your insight.

00:03:49.215 --> 00:03:53.289
If you really believe in your insight,

00:03:54.439 --> 00:03:58.560
then you have confidence in yourself.

00:03:59.527 --> 00:04:04.637
If you practice
mindful breathing well enough,

00:04:06.433 --> 00:04:11.150
and you find it helpful,

00:04:11.427 --> 00:04:16.548
you get the joy,
the happiness, the peace

00:04:17.018 --> 00:04:18.467
while practicing

00:04:19.384 --> 00:04:25.852
and then you believe
in the effectiveness of the practice.

00:04:26.770 --> 00:04:32.153
Then even if one thousand people
would say that is useless,

00:04:32.454 --> 00:04:36.108
that it does not make sense
to practice mindful breathing,

00:04:36.223 --> 00:04:38.086
you would still smile.

00:04:38.518 --> 00:04:42.198
Because you know
by your own experience

00:04:42.288 --> 00:04:44.729
that mindful breathing helps you

00:04:44.889 --> 00:04:48.080
to be fresh, to be peaceful, to be happy.

00:04:48.493 --> 00:04:51.821
So the opinions of other people

00:04:52.333 --> 00:04:57.058
cannot make you abandon your conviction,

00:04:57.338 --> 00:04:59.933
your belief.

NOTE Paragraph

00:05:01.656 --> 00:05:08.549
You know that the notion of beauty

00:05:08.908 --> 00:05:11.829
differs with every person.

00:05:12.078 --> 00:05:16.245
Something can be
very beautiful to someone

00:05:16.405 --> 00:05:20.322
but not beautiful to other people.

NOTE Paragraph

00:05:20.755 --> 00:05:26.612
The notions of beauty, or ugliness,

00:05:27.975 --> 00:05:30.269
they are notions,

00:05:30.513 --> 00:05:34.385
and you are not affected
by their opinions.

00:05:36.355 --> 00:05:40.804
You are a flower
in the garden of humanity.

00:05:41.357 --> 00:05:46.656
You are not something less
than a flower in the garden of humanity.

00:05:47.035 --> 00:05:49.860
You belong to the kingdom of God,

00:05:49.950 --> 00:05:52.722
like any other wonder of life.

00:05:52.990 --> 00:05:55.446
If you have that insight,

00:05:57.595 --> 00:06:04.912
if you know that you have
the seed of compassion,

00:06:05.542 --> 00:06:09.719
of joy, of happiness in you,

00:06:11.327 --> 00:06:18.270
then you know that you have a value.

00:06:21.483 --> 00:06:25.789
If you believe in the existence
of these qualities,

00:06:26.749 --> 00:06:29.761
transmitted by your parents and ancestors,

00:06:30.194 --> 00:06:34.554
and you are a continuation of them,

00:06:35.301 --> 00:06:42.639
then the opinions people have on you
will have no effect.

00:06:43.285 --> 00:06:45.327
You still continue.

NOTE Paragraph

00:06:47.001 --> 00:06:49.038
During the war in Vietnam

00:06:50.021 --> 00:06:52.067
I worked for peace.

00:06:53.599 --> 00:07:01.283
My community did not
take sides in the war,

00:07:02.759 --> 00:07:05.856
we wanted reconciliation.

00:07:06.771 --> 00:07:09.032
We did not want the North and the South

00:07:09.336 --> 00:07:11.563
fighting and killing each other.

00:07:11.819 --> 00:07:14.118
And we believed that
to be the truth,

00:07:14.507 --> 00:07:20.447
the best, most beautiful path to go:

00:07:20.870 --> 00:07:23.026
the path of compassion.

00:07:23.698 --> 00:07:31.485
People in the warring parties
looked upon us with suspicion.

00:07:32.094 --> 00:07:34.934
They thought that we were stupid.

00:07:35.762 --> 00:07:38.914
If you take side with one warring party,

00:07:39.158 --> 00:07:42.749
you are at least protected
by that warring party.

00:07:43.750 --> 00:07:48.055
If you don't take the side
of any warring party,

00:07:48.260 --> 00:07:52.140
then you are exposed
to be attacked by both warring parties.

00:07:53.152 --> 00:07:54.352
But if you believe

00:07:54.883 --> 00:07:57.690
that your path
is the path of compassion,

00:07:58.347 --> 00:08:03.525
the path of humanity, you continue.

NOTE Paragraph

00:08:04.629 --> 00:08:09.088
Millions of people believed
that we were Communists.

00:08:09.483 --> 00:08:12.683
They were afraid of communism,
they wanted to kill communists.

00:08:12.883 --> 00:08:14.941
We put ourselves in danger.

00:08:15.021 --> 00:08:18.963
And other people thought
that we were pro-American.

00:08:19.975 --> 00:08:24.289
Many millions of people misunderstood us

00:08:24.789 --> 00:08:27.597
and yet we still continued with our path,

00:08:27.767 --> 00:08:32.126
because we had belief in our values.

00:08:32.558 --> 00:08:35.134
I think if you continue
to practice like that

00:08:35.374 --> 00:08:38.297
you will be solid as a mountain.

00:08:38.490 --> 00:08:43.060
You will not be assaulted
by any kind of opinions.

NOTE Paragraph

00:08:43.981 --> 00:08:45.401
Good luck!

NOTE Paragraph

00:08:45.841 --> 00:08:47.616
(Laughter)

NOTE Paragraph

00:08:49.836 --> 00:08:51.736
(Half bell)

00:08:54.832 --> 00:09:01.584
(Bell)