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(Half bell)

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(Bell)

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Dear Thay, my question is...

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Since I was younger growing up

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I felt I was always[br]being compared

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to someone who was better than myself.

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I have experienced that

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since I was little up until now.

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It causes me to seek affirmation[br]for my own decisions

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in someone else's opinion,

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whether what I did[br]is a good decision or a bad decision.

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And I feel when someone speaks[br]good of me or compliments me

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I feel very happy about it.

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But if someone speaks negatively of me

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I feel like I am not good enough

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and it makes me feel[br]like I am always second,

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always a shadow of something[br]I cannot attain.

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I feel sometimes I lose ground[br]of my own self.

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My question is[br]how do I become more stable

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so I don't need[br]to seek affirmations outside of myself.

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(Sister) Dear Thay, dear Sangha,

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our friend's question

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is about how to be solid in herself.

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When she makes decisions,

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she may look for compliments[br]or approval from others

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for decisions or actions[br]that she has taken.

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When she is praised,

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then she feels good about herself.

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But if there is some criticism,

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she feels like she is not good enough,

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that she is second best, and falls short,

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that she is a shadow[br]of what she could be.

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So her question is

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how she can be more solid[br]in those situations,

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and practice with that.

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The practice of mindfulness[br]can help you

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to have faith in yourself.

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If you look deeply at things,

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we have our own way of understanding.

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In our daily life that kind of insight

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that we get[br]concerning people and things,

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is confirmed by your life,

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by your daily experiences,

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and you believe in your insight.

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If you really believe in your insight,

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then you have confidence in yourself.

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If you practice[br]mindful breathing well enough,

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and you find it helpful,

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you get the joy,[br]the happiness, the peace

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while practicing

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and then you believe[br]in the effectiveness of the practice.

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Then even if one thousand people[br]would say that is useless,

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that it does not make sense[br]to practice mindful breathing,

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you would still smile.

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Because you know[br]by your own experience

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that mindful breathing helps you

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to be fresh, to be peaceful, to be happy.

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So the opinions of other people

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cannot make you abandon your conviction,

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your belief.

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You know that the notion of beauty

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differs with every person.

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Something can be[br]very beautiful to someone

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but not beautiful to other people.

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The notions of beauty, or ugliness,

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they are notions,

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and you are not affected[br]by their opinions.

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You are a flower[br]in the garden of humanity.

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You are not something less[br]than a flower in the garden of humanity.

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You belong to the kingdom of God,

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like any other wonder of life.

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If you have that insight,

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if you know that you have[br]the seed of compassion,

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of joy, of happiness in you,

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then you know that you have a value.

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If you believe in the existence[br]of these qualities,

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transmitted by your parents and ancestors,

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and you are a continuation of them,

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then the opinions people have on you[br]will have no effect.

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You still continue.

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During the war in Vietnam

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I worked for peace.

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My community did not[br]take sides in the war,

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we wanted reconciliation.

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We did not want the North and the South

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fighting and killing each other.

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And we believed that[br]to be the truth,

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the best, most beautiful path to go:

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the path of compassion.

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People in the warring parties[br]looked upon us with suspicion.

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They thought that we were stupid.

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If you take side with one warring party,

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you are at least protected[br]by that warring party.

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If you don't take the side[br]of any warring party,

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then you are exposed[br]to be attacked by both warring parties.

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But if you believe

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that your path[br]is the path of compassion,

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the path of humanity, you continue.

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Millions of people believed[br]that we were Communists.

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They were afraid of communism,[br]they wanted to kill communists.

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We put ourselves in danger.

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And other people thought[br]that we were pro-American.

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Many millions of people misunderstood us

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and yet we still continued with our path,

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because we had belief in our values.

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I think if you continue[br]to practice like that

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you will be solid as a mountain.

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You will not be assaulted[br]by any kind of opinions.

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Good luck!

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(Laughter)

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(Half bell)

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(Bell)