WEBVTT

00:00:01.285 --> 00:00:02.379
I don't know if you've noticed,

00:00:02.379 --> 00:00:04.051
but there's been a spate of books

00:00:04.051 --> 00:00:05.926
that have come out lately

00:00:05.926 --> 00:00:08.068
contemplating or speculating

00:00:08.068 --> 00:00:12.479
on the cognition and emotional life of dogs.

00:00:12.479 --> 00:00:15.350
Do they think, do they feel and, if so, how?

00:00:15.350 --> 00:00:17.290
So this afternoon, in my limited time,

00:00:17.290 --> 00:00:19.985
I wanted to take the guesswork out of a lot of that

00:00:19.985 --> 00:00:22.481
by introducing you to two dogs,

00:00:22.481 --> 00:00:27.305
both of whom have taken the command "speak"

00:00:27.305 --> 00:00:31.266
quite literally.

NOTE Paragraph

00:00:31.266 --> 00:00:34.026
The first dog is the first to go,

00:00:34.026 --> 00:00:38.275
and he is contemplating an aspect

00:00:38.275 --> 00:00:40.431
of his relationship to his owner,

00:00:40.431 --> 00:00:45.431
and the title is "A Dog on His Master."

NOTE Paragraph

00:00:45.431 --> 00:00:47.411
"As young as I look,

00:00:47.411 --> 00:00:50.361
I am growing older faster than he.

00:00:50.361 --> 00:00:54.386
Seven to one is the ratio, they tend to say.

00:00:54.386 --> 00:00:57.971
Whatever the number, I will pass him one day

00:00:57.971 --> 00:00:59.839
and take the lead,

00:00:59.839 --> 00:01:02.760
the way I do on our walks in the woods,

00:01:02.760 --> 00:01:06.258
and if this ever manages to cross his mind,

00:01:06.258 --> 00:01:08.564
it would be the sweetest shadow

00:01:08.564 --> 00:01:13.616
I have ever cast on snow or grass."

NOTE Paragraph

00:01:13.616 --> 00:01:16.195
(Applause)

NOTE Paragraph

00:01:16.195 --> 00:01:19.001
Thank you.

NOTE Paragraph

00:01:19.001 --> 00:01:22.140
And our next dog

00:01:22.140 --> 00:01:25.661
speaks in something called the revenant,

00:01:25.661 --> 00:01:27.692
which means a spirit that comes back

00:01:27.692 --> 00:01:31.458
to visit you.

NOTE Paragraph

00:01:31.458 --> 00:01:35.326
"I am the dog you put to sleep,

00:01:35.326 --> 00:01:38.778
as you like to call the needle of oblivion,

00:01:38.778 --> 00:01:41.680
come back to tell you this simple thing:

00:01:41.680 --> 00:01:43.304
I never liked you."

00:01:43.304 --> 00:01:45.914
(Laughter)

00:01:45.914 --> 00:01:47.808
"When I licked your face,

00:01:47.808 --> 00:01:50.701
I thought of biting off your nose.

00:01:50.701 --> 00:01:53.680
When I watched you toweling yourself dry,

00:01:53.680 --> 00:01:57.788
I wanted to leap and unman you with a snap.

00:01:57.788 --> 00:01:59.970
I resented the way you moved,

00:01:59.970 --> 00:02:01.856
your lack of animal grace,

00:02:01.856 --> 00:02:04.401
the way you would sit in a chair to eat,

00:02:04.401 --> 00:02:08.703
a napkin on your lap, a knife in your hand.

00:02:08.703 --> 00:02:10.161
I would have run away

00:02:10.161 --> 00:02:11.911
but I was too weak,

00:02:11.911 --> 00:02:13.547
a trick you taught me

00:02:13.547 --> 00:02:16.612
while I was learning to sit and heel

00:02:16.612 --> 00:02:18.745
and, greatest of insults,

00:02:18.745 --> 00:02:22.923
shake hands without a hand.

00:02:22.923 --> 00:02:26.427
I admit the sight of the leash would excite me,

00:02:26.427 --> 00:02:29.224
but only because it meant I was about to smell things

00:02:29.224 --> 00:02:34.063
you had never touched.

00:02:34.063 --> 00:02:35.999
You do not want to believe this,

00:02:35.999 --> 00:02:38.365
but I have no reason to lie:

00:02:38.365 --> 00:02:42.449
I hated the car, hated the rubber toys,

00:02:42.449 --> 00:02:47.235
disliked your friends, and worse, your relatives.

00:02:47.235 --> 00:02:51.183
The jingling of my tags drove me mad.

00:02:51.183 --> 00:02:54.430
You always scratched me in the wrong place."

00:02:54.430 --> 00:02:56.432
(Laughter)

00:02:56.432 --> 00:02:59.210
"All I ever wanted from you was food and water

00:02:59.210 --> 00:03:01.402
in my bowls.

00:03:01.402 --> 00:03:03.475
While you slept, I watched you breathe

00:03:03.475 --> 00:03:05.805
as the moon rose in the sky.

00:03:05.805 --> 00:03:07.422
It took all of my strength

00:03:07.422 --> 00:03:10.478
not to raise my head and howl.

00:03:10.478 --> 00:03:12.978
Now, I am free of the collar,

00:03:12.978 --> 00:03:15.488
free of the yellow raincoat,

00:03:15.488 --> 00:03:17.366
monogrammed sweater,

00:03:17.366 --> 00:03:20.396
the absurdity of your lawn,

00:03:20.396 --> 00:03:23.139
and that is all you need to know about this place,

00:03:23.139 --> 00:03:26.240
except what you already supposed

00:03:26.240 --> 00:03:28.642
and are glad it did not happen sooner,

00:03:28.642 --> 00:03:31.883
that everyone here can read and write,

00:03:31.883 --> 00:03:35.233
the dogs in poetry,

00:03:35.233 --> 00:03:38.240
the cats and all the others

00:03:38.240 --> 00:03:40.630
in prose."

NOTE Paragraph

00:03:40.630 --> 00:03:42.330
Thank you.

NOTE Paragraph

00:03:42.330 --> 00:03:45.628
(Applause)