[Opening Music]
Hello there.
Porn is a multi-billion dollar industry.
What does this mean?
It means that porn is more than just a fringe trend.
It's more like the elephant in the room.
It's part of mainstream society,
and that means, it's a really important topic.
It's difficult to wrap our head around the topic of porn
because it's not possible to separate the porn of today,
away from our human sexuality.
And today, human sexuality is incredibly out-of-alignment;
Mostly because of the world religions.
Porn in and of itself as a concept
could potentially be an in-alignment thing,
but because it is an extension
of our out-of-alignment human sexuality,
it then fuels our out-of-alignment sexuality.
Pornography is the portrayal of sexual subject matter
for the purpose of sexual arousal.
Why would we watch porn?
Because sexual desire and sexual arousal are usually a pleasant experience,
and pleasure is not wrong.
So it must be understood, that seeking out pleasure is also not wrong.
So it is useless to discuss the rightness and wrongness of porn.
We must instead develop perspective about porn.
First, let's look at the shadow side of porn.
The first most extreme shadow of porn is that like any addiction
porn serves as an escape from pain.
It's a way to avoid a feeling state.
Porn is self-medication.
It blunts the senses and makes you forget everything else.
It is hypnotic and trance-like and makes you lose track of time.
We use it to get relief from something.
For example, we may use S&M porn to escape powerlessness by
feeling a sense of power over someone.
When it comes to porn addiction, the most common feeling one is trying to escape
is the feeling of emptiness.
I am yet to meet one single person who watches porn on an ongoing basis
who is not using the porn to avoid a feeling state within them.
The chemicals that our own brain produces in response to a certain stimulus
can be many times more addictive than even external substances, like cocaine.
So it is absolutely possible to develop addiction to something like porn.
It throws us out of balance to the degree that when we do not watch porn
we begin to experience withdrawal symptoms.
So even though porn feels like it fulfills a need
it actually simply creates a new need.
In other words, people think porn is a sexual outlet which is fulfilling the need
for release and satisfaction of sex drive, when in fact it is creating sexual craving.
I do not think it is actually beneficial to draw a line
between an addiction and a compulsion.
As far as I'm concerned if you feel out of control of something,
a certain behavior, especially if that particular thing
creates negative consequences, and you still can't stop
that is an addiction.
The second major shadow aspect of porn is that the porn industry itself is so
profoundly out of alignment.
Theoretically it would be possible to make porn that is in-alignment,
but as I said earlier the current porn we have in today's world is not in alignment.
It is an extension of our out-of-alignment sexuality.
Now the religious fanatics of the world would have you believe that nudity is porn.
This is not accurate and this is not positive because it just teaches people
that their body is something to be ashamed of.
It puts us even more at war with ourselves.
So dropping the conservative view, let's look at it this way:
Regardless of whether we are conservative or liberal, we all know at our core
that when we are completely in-alignment with our sexuality
as an expression of our eternal consiousness
sex is about much more than just physical gratification.
The majority of porn available today really truly is just about physical gratification.
The people cease to become people, this is the concept of objectification.
Objectification is a serious issue when it comes to porn.
We objectify both men and women in porn when we watch them on the screen.
Because we are in essence disconnected enough from it being another human being
that we are now able to use that other person for personal gratification.
Now here's a really important point, the minute we begin to objectify somebody else
we make ourselves a match to the vibration of objectification.
You can't objectify something without simultaneously yourself becoming
objectified.
And what happens as a result of that objectification, you experience and
instantaneous drop in your self-esteem and your self-worth.
This will come across as a feeling that your soul is being taken and you may not
even realize that the one is linked to the other.
The porn is linked to the sudden loss of self-esteem.
The thrill of the interaction with porn covers over or masks the internal
destruction that is in fact occuring.
You could argue that porn stars are willing participants, so it's not
all that bad.
But I want you to look at it this way, the majority of people who work in the
porn industry do not come from healthy backgrounds.
Many of them were in fact sexually abused youth.
Their sexuality became their only sense of worth.
They see their bodies of commodities.
They have become comfortable with objectification.
I want you to just think about where someone has to be emotionally to become
comfortable and approving of themselves being objectified.
A really good way to test your level of objectification of people on the screen
is to ask yourself, how would I feel if my son was being viewed by people
the same way that I'm viewing this person on the screen?
Or how would I feel if my daughter was being viewed by people in the same way
that I am viewing this person on the screen?
The point being, when you care about somebody enough to be close to them
suddenly it matters to you.
You can't objectify them anymore.
We have to stop and really remember the people we're watching in these porn films
that's somebody's daughter, that's somebody's mother, that's somebody's
sister or brother.
So what does that tell us? That tells us that we disconnected from someone
to use them purely for physical arousal and relief.
And so you cannot prove that it is in-alignment unless you first prove that
disconnection is in-alignment.
The third major shadow of porn is what it does to relationships.
Now, before I dive too deep into the shadow aspect of what porn does to
relationships, I would like to say that if you were completely in-alignment
with the idea of using porn for sex, you would align with a partner who also agreed
with that particular stance on your sexuality.
There wouldn't be a conflict.
But when we are out-of-alignment with our sexuality, what happens is we attract the
partner who does not match or line up with the sexuality which we are expressing
relative to porn what this means is if you're a porn user you will line up with
a partner that doesn't like that about you and it will create big relationship
problems between you.
So you could say that it might be a good idea to find total approval for using porn
for sexual gratification, and thus line up with a partner who completely agrees with
you and has no issue with your porn use, or you can look at it this way:
potentially it is you that is out-of-alignment with your own sexuality
using porn, and so your partner is a reflection of the dichotomy within you,
the aspect of you that is using it, and the aspect of you that knows that it is
not the truth of who you really are, and it's not really a genuine expression of
your sexuality.
Porn destroys intimacy.
Intimacy is to see into someone, to feel into them, to hear into them, to understand
them completely.
Now sex can enhance intimacy greatly, but also you can have sex with zero intimacy
at all. If we objectify the person on the screen or our partner, which is what we
are doing with porn, we have no intimacy with them.
If we objectify our partner we are in essence just two meat suits rubbing up
against each other for our own individual pleasure.
It's more like mutual masturbation, on an energetic level it appears more like
sexual or energetic vampirism, where you're trying to get something from
somebody.
Even if we use porn to become aroused as a couple, this also is a barrier to intimacy;
Because we are actually more involved in and thus have more intimacy with the
fantasy, than we do with each other in that moment.
I will also tell you that porn and subsequent sexual escapades are a close
personal favorite of people who have a major fear of intimacy; Because it allows
us to connect with someone or even just connect with the idea of someone without
actually having to connect.
The fourth major shadow of porn, is that sets up neuro pathways.
If we find sexual gratification one way, we will seek it out again and again in
that very same way.
We may even lose our ability to be turned on in any other way.
If we associate orgasm with our partner or with a light kiss, this is what will
turn us on in the future. If we associate orgasm to the things we observe in porn
those things start to be the only way we can become aroused.
Most of these sex acts are not only objectifying, they're unpleasurable to the
other partner, especially emotionally; And many of them involve domination and
submission power dynamics.
I think that one of the worst things that porn has done in the world today,
is to destroy the sex act between men and women, why?
Because these porns generally, especially in the beginning, were geared directly
towards men, towards male gratification.
The women in those scenes were acting, they're not genuinely orgasming.
And so what's happening is it's setting up an idea in men's minds about the kind of
sex that women like to have, when in reality it couldn't be farther from the
truth.
In reality most women will not become aroused or feel good or orgasm if you
mimick what you are seeing on the screen.
What has made me sad again and again is that the nuero pathways set up by
pornography disable people from achieving a sexual union with somebody.
It disables them from practicing the art of lovemaking.
It makes it so that the only way that we can experience sex that's pleasurable with
a partner, or even get ourselves aroused, is if it is objectifying, if it is impersonal.
In past years access to porn was difficult.
Now due to the online presence of porn, it is only a click away, and so young kids
are now watching porn.
And porn is setting up their expectation about what sex should look like.
And this includes not just vanilla pornography, but also extreme pornography
in the dysfunctional fetishes.
Pornography is becoming the only reference for sex and intimacy that the youth of
today's world have. This has serious social implication.
The fifth major shadow of porn, is that porn is a serious waste of sexual energies
and a distortion of sexual energies.
Many of you have heard of kundalini energy, it's basically just a word we use
to describe to vital force, or the spiritual energy within a person.
That energy is creative energy.
It's not possible to separate out sexual energy from creative energy, that is why
sexual energy creates life. It is inherently creative.
If you are spending your energy getting off on porn, you are wasting your
creative energy.
That is why so many people with porn addictions develop a kind of apathy,
they don't really put energy into their life, they're living a bit of a half-life.
They live in a state of atrophy because the energy they have to create their
waking life is being spent.
When we become addicted to porn, just like any other addiction, we stop investing in
our life. We stop engaging with real people.
The sixth major shadow of porn, is that we are creating a reality based on what
we are paying attention to, more than that we are creating a collective reality based
on what we are collectively paying attention to.
So the question to ask yourself is, what is what I am paying attention to
creating for me in my waking life?
Also, like a drug, you need more and more of it and higher levels to get the
same kind of high.
Think about horror films in the 50's, they don't even compare to the horror
films of today.
It wouldn't scare us if we saw that, but back then, that was downright terrifying.
This also applies to our sexual gratification.
We need to keep upping the odds and upping the odds in order to get the same kind of
rise.
What will the porn look like 20 years from today?
If so many eyes are focused at the distorted and out-of-alignment form of
sexuality, I can promise you one thing: we will create a collective reality of
sexual distortion, as if the sexual distortion of today's world is not bad
enough.
The seventh major shadow of porn, is that when people watch it, they often
compartmentalize it from the rest of their day-to-day life.
They exit their life and enter this zone of pornography.
We have the tendency, when we watch porn, to think that the law of attraction is
somehow not applicable to the time period that we are watching porn, and so that
time is not part of the "I create my own reality" actuality.
We think that we can keep that aspect of life secret and contained.
So we don't realize that our porn watching is in fact not a separate reality, it is a
part of our everyday reality and it will absolutely merge with and affect our
day-to-day life experiences, our values, our belief systems, our relationships, our
career, everything.
So what should you do if you're struggling with a porn addiction?
The first thing that you have to do is to is to really ask yourself this question:
Is porn adding something to my life, or is it taking something away?
And you have to be really honest with yourself about the answer to that question.
This is difficult for some of us because if we like to watch porn, than we are in
the habit of justifying our porn-watching.
We keep telling ourselves that everyone is doing it.
Only you can decide if pornography is negatively affecting your life.
But until you decide it's negatively affecting your life, you will have
absolutely no motivation to change it.
Step Two: Become aware.
You have to become completely aware of what you are trying to escape from by
using porn.
The next time you feel the urge to watch it, sit with the uncomfortable feelings as
if you were exploring the sensation, and try to identify what it is.
Also, identify your triggers.
A trigger is something that causes you to feel the compulsion to watch porn.
Think about the last hours and minutes leading up to the moment when the urge
occurs.
Can you identify any triggers?
For example, did you get into a fight with someone which caused you to feel stress,
and thus need release?
Step 3: Go in the direction of those negative feeling states instead of away
from them.
So the next time you feel that urge to go use porn, instead of doing that,
I want you to sink down into that feeling, that negative feeling state, and I want
you to be unconditionally present with it.
This is the beginning of integration.
To understand more about how to do this process, I want you to watch my
video on YouTube titled: "How to Heal the Emotional Body"
Also, if you find that the feeling state that is in fact motivating your porn use
is the feeling of emptiness, which is so often the case, I want you to go watch my
YouTube video titled: "How to Stop Feeling Empty"
Four: Change your life in accordance with the feeling state that you discovered that
you're trying to avoid.
For example, if you are using porn to avoid boredom, get busy.
Find a healthy preoccupation that requires your focused attention and energy.
Or, if you find that you were using porn to escape stress, figure out what is
making you the most stressed, and either find healthier ways to manage the stress
or change that aspect of your life entirely so the stress is no longer there.
Basically we have to face and work with the very thing which we are using porn
to avoid, in order to overcome the causation of our porn use.
Porn use is more like a symptom.
Why would you address the symptom without addressing the cause?
Five: If you feel the urge to watch porn,
play a game of fast-forward instead.
It's easy to get wrapped up in the sensations
of excitement and arousal, but if you can
use that feeling of arousal to remind yourself,
to play the tape forward,
to post watching porn,
that feeling of disappointment,
that feeling of exhaustion,
that feeling of low self-worth,
the feeling of total and utter failure and shame.
Then you can use the memory of what it will be like if you do watch porn
to water down the intensity and the heat of the arousal.
Six: Get into the mentality that porn quite literally doesn't exist.
If you do the previous steps which I have just listed,
this step will be much easier.
When it comes to addictions, as I have said before,
the addiction in and of itself is the symptom,
of a deeper underlying problem.
So when we are usually addressing addictions,
Rather than focus on the substance that we're addicted to,
What we want to do is to figure out a way
to solve the causation of the addiction,
to solve whatever is fueling that addiction.
Cause if you do that,
then the addiction simply goes away on its own.
When it comes to porn,
we can focus on addressing the causation and also the symptom.
We do this, by going cold turkey.
In other words, when it comes to porn
don't limit your time to watching porn.
Get rid of your outlets for the addiction,
so you literally can't access it.
Then, think and act as if porn does not exist.
Out of sheer necessity, you will be forced to replace the porn
with other things to direct your energy towards.
Seven: In alignment with the last point I made,
when you feel that urge, recognize that urge as an extreme burst of energy.
Of course you want to release that energy,
the question is towards what?
What I want you to do when you feel the urge to watch porn,
is to redirect that energy towards something that is more beneficial.
You cannot actually suppress your sexual urges
it's not possible, it has to get out somehow
Now, the fact that we can't suppress our sexual urges is fact the reason why
our porn subscriptions are higher in states like Utah,
where there's a high amount of sexual suppression.
Suppression doesn't work.
You have to redirect that energy towards something else.
Think about harnessing that energy, ask yourself:
If I could harness that energy and put it towards something else
that would directly benefit my life, what would it be?
And then do that instead.
If you do this enough, you will realize that you've actually got a life.
You're no longer watching porn, feeling terrible about yourself
and feeling like you need to get a life.
Eight: Increase your self-esteem and start to self-care.
As was discussed earlier,
porn instantly decreases your self-esteem.
So the opposite vibration to porn,
is self-esteem.
If you are addicted to porn,
it has become a self-hate spiral.
So pull yourself out of that and start to live healthy
and alter your perspective so you can see yourself in a positive light.
Take a look at the values you do have and things the things you really do believe in
and begin to live according to those values.
Live from a space of integrity with who you are.
Do things you enjoy.
Eat a diet that makes you feel good about yourself.
Exercise.
Groom yourself in a way that makes you feel proud to present yourself to the world.
Get outside.
Help others.
Helping others increases your self-esteem five-fold.
Seek out things that make you laugh.
Start meditating and going to yoga class.
Listen to motivating music that inspires you to really live.
Start focusing on the things like about yourself
and find approval for the things you dislike about yourself.
These are just some examples.
Raise your frequency.
For more information about how to raise your frequency
you can look up my YouTube video titled: "How to Raise Your Frequency and Increase Your Vibration"
Remember that the more you replace porn with more beneficial pursuits,
the better and better your life will get.
While we're on this subject,
It must be known that if you think that there is something not good
about watching porn, you can't watch porn and feel good.
Nine: Now I am going to give you the #1 most important tip when it comes to
any addiction, including porn addiction.
Way back when, scientists were doing studies
on rats and substance addiction.
They would put them in cages and they would lace their water with substances
like cocaine.
Of course these rats would continue to go to the water,
they would become addicted to the cocaine in the water,
and other drugs, to the degree that they would then die.
Of course the obvious assumption is that the substances were to blame
for the addiction.
Then, in 1970, Bruce Alexander, who was a scientist at the time
made and interesting observation.
These rats who are addicted to these substances,
were placed in cages alone.
So he thought to himself,
what's the next logical thing to do to test
whether substances are in fact to blame for addiction?
Ah! Let's put these rats in nice cages with friends.
And what did he find?
These rats did not become addicted to the substances,
in fact they seemed to shun the water which was
laced with these particular medicinals.
What does this tell us about addiction?
It tells us that addiction is not about the substance,
it's about an underlying feeling of isolation.
The addiction was an adaptation to a painful environment.
Most especially one that was void of connection.
What I'm about to say I want you to remember for the rest of your life.
Emotional isolation is the #1 cause of all addictions on this planet.
Sobriety is not the opposite of addiction.
Human connection is.
So connect with people.
For more information about how to do this,
watch my YouTube video titled "How to Connect with Someone"
It is my desire that sex not be associated with sin in the minds of men.
We cannot be at war with our sexuality,
and become integral and whole beings in and of ourselves.
It is not right my desire for porn to become the scapegoat for society's
dysfunction, which is how many would paint it to be.
I am all for becoming free and open-minded
and for embracing things that should never be taboo.
But being free and open-minded is not the same thing
as simply celebrating the taboo because it is taboo.
I am open to the idea that when people come into a state of alignment
with their sexuality, where their relationship to their own sexuality
is healthy and also a beneficial one.
That we are fully capable of making pornography that is completely
in-alignment.
But as for right now,
the vast majority of porn is profoundly out of alignment.
It is an empty package, and you deserve
something of substance.
Have a good week.
[Outro Music]