WEBVTT 00:00:01.105 --> 00:00:05.141 [Opening Music] 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Hello there. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Porn is a multi-billion dollar industry. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What does this mean? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It means that porn is more than just a fringe trend. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's more like the elephant in the room. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's part of mainstream society, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and that means, it's a really important topic. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's difficult to wrap our head around the topic of porn 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because it's not possible to separate the porn of today, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 away from our human sexuality. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And today, human sexuality is incredibly out-of-alignment; 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Mostly because of the world religions. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Porn in and of itself as a concept 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 could potentially be an in-alignment thing, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but because it is an extension 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 of our out-of-alignment human sexuality, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it then fuels our out-of-alignment sexuality. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Pornography is the portrayal of sexual subject matter 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 for the purpose of sexual arousal. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Why would we watch porn? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Because sexual desire and sexual arousal are usually a pleasant experience, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and pleasure is not wrong. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So it must be understood, that seeking out pleasure is also not wrong. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So it is useless to discuss the rightness and wrongness of porn. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 We must instead develop perspective about porn. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 First, let's look at the shadow side of porn. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The first most extreme shadow of porn is that like any addiction 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 porn serves as an escape from pain. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's a way to avoid a feeling state. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Porn is self-medication. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It blunts the senses and makes you forget everything else. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It is hypnotic and trance-like and makes you lose track of time. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 We use it to get relief from something. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 For example, we may use S&M porn to escape powerlessness by 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 feeling a sense of power over someone. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 When it comes to porn addiction, the most common feeling one is trying to escape 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 is the feeling of emptiness. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I am yet to meet one single person who watches porn on an ongoing basis 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who is not using the porn to avoid a feeling state within them. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The chemicals that our own brain produces in response to a certain stimulus 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 can be many times more addictive than even external substances, like cocaine. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So it is absolutely possible to develop addiction to something like porn. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It throws us out of balance to the degree that when we do not watch porn 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 we begin to experience withdrawal symptoms. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So even though porn feels like it fulfills a need 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it actually simply creates a new need. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 In other words, people think porn is a sexual outlet which is fulfilling the need 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 for release and satisfaction of sex drive, when in fact it is creating sexual craving. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I do not think it is actually beneficial to draw a line 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 between an addiction and a compulsion. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 As far as I'm concerned if you feel out of control of something, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 a certain behavior, especially if that particular thing 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 creates negative consequences, and you still can't stop 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that is an addiction. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The second major shadow aspect of porn is that the porn industry itself is so 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 profoundly out of alignment. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Theoretically it would be possible to make porn that is in-alignment, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but as I said earlier the current porn we have in today's world is not in alignment. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It is an extension of our out-of-alignment sexuality. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now the religious fanatics of the world would have you believe that nudity is porn. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This is not accurate and this is not positive because it just teaches people 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that their body is something to be ashamed of. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It puts us even more at war with ourselves. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So dropping the conservative view, let's look at it this way: 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Regardless of whether we are conservative or liberal, we all know at our core 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that when we are completely in-alignment with our sexuality 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 as an expression of our eternal consiousness 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 sex is about much more than just physical gratification. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The majority of porn available today really truly is just about physical gratification. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The people cease to become people, this is the concept of objectification. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Objectification is a serious issue when it comes to porn. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 We objectify both men and women in porn when we watch them on the screen. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Because we are in essence disconnected enough from it being another human being 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that we are now able to use that other person for personal gratification. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now here's a really important point, the minute we begin to objectify somebody else 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 we make ourselves a match to the vibration of objectification. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You can't objectify something without simultaneously yourself becoming 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 objectified. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And what happens as a result of that objectification, you experience and 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 instantaneous drop in your self-esteem and your self-worth. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This will come across as a feeling that your soul is being taken and you may not 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 even realize that the one is linked to the other. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The porn is linked to the sudden loss of self-esteem. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The thrill of the interaction with porn covers over or masks the internal 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 destruction that is in fact occuring. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You could argue that porn stars are willing participants, so it's not 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 all that bad. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But I want you to look at it this way, the majority of people who work in the 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 porn industry do not come from healthy backgrounds. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Many of them were in fact sexually abused youth. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Their sexuality became their only sense of worth. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 They see their bodies of commodities. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 They have become comfortable with objectification. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I want you to just think about where someone has to be emotionally to become 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 comfortable and approving of themselves being objectified. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 A really good way to test your level of objectification of people on the screen 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 is to ask yourself, how would I feel if my son was being viewed by people 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the same way that I'm viewing this person on the screen? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Or how would I feel if my daughter was being viewed by people in the same way 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that I am viewing this person on the screen? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The point being, when you care about somebody enough to be close to them 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 suddenly it matters to you. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You can't objectify them anymore. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 We have to stop and really remember the people we're watching in these porn films 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that's somebody's daughter, that's somebody's mother, that's somebody's 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 sister or brother. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So what does that tell us? That tells us that we disconnected from someone 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to use them purely for physical arousal and relief. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And so you cannot prove that it is in-alignment unless you first prove that 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 disconnection is in-alignment. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The third major shadow of porn is what it does to relationships. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now, before I dive too deep into the shadow aspect of what porn does to 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 relationships, I would like to say that if you were completely in-alignment 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 with the idea of using porn for sex, you would align with a partner who also agreed 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 with that particular stance on your sexuality. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 There wouldn't be a conflict. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But when we are out-of-alignment with our sexuality, what happens is we attract the 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 partner who does not match or line up with the sexuality which we are expressing 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 relative to porn what this means is if you're a porn user you will line up with 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 a partner that doesn't like that about you and it will create big relationship 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 problems between you. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So you could say that it might be a good idea to find total approval for using porn 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 for sexual gratification, and thus line up with a partner who completely agrees with 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 you and has no issue with your porn use, or you can look at it this way: 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 potentially it is you that is out-of-alignment with your own sexuality 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 using porn, and so your partner is a reflection of the dichotomy within you, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the aspect of you that is using it, and the aspect of you that knows that it is 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 not the truth of who you really are, and it's not really a genuine expression of 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 your sexuality. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Porn destroys intimacy. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Intimacy is to see into someone, to feel into them, to hear into them, to understand 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 them completely. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now sex can enhance intimacy greatly, but also you can have sex with zero intimacy 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 at all. If we objectify the person on the screen or our partner, which is what we 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 are doing with porn, we have no intimacy with them. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If we objectify our partner we are in essence just two meat suits rubbing up 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 against each other for our own individual pleasure. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's more like mutual masturbation, on an energetic level it appears more like 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 sexual or energetic vampirism, where you're trying to get something from 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 somebody. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Even if we use porn to become aroused as a couple, this also is a barrier to intimacy; 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Because we are actually more involved in and thus have more intimacy with the 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 fantasy, than we do with each other in that moment. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I will also tell you that porn and subsequent sexual escapades are a close 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 personal favorite of people who have a major fear of intimacy; Because it allows 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 us to connect with someone or even just connect with the idea of someone without 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 actually having to connect. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The fourth major shadow of porn, is that sets up neuro pathways. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If we find sexual gratification one way, we will seek it out again and again in 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that very same way. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 We may even lose our ability to be turned on in any other way. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If we associate orgasm with our partner or with a light kiss, this is what will 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 turn us on in the future. If we associate orgasm to the things we observe in porn 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 those things start to be the only way we can become aroused. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Most of these sex acts are not only objectifying, they're unpleasurable to the 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 other partner, especially emotionally; And many of them involve domination and 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 submission power dynamics. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I think that one of the worst things that porn has done in the world today, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 is to destroy the sex act between men and women, why? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Because these porns generally, especially in the beginning, were geared directly 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 towards men, towards male gratification. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The women in those scenes were acting, they're not genuinely orgasming. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And so what's happening is it's setting up an idea in men's minds about the kind of 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 sex that women like to have, when in reality it couldn't be farther from the 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 truth. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 In reality most women will not become aroused or feel good or orgasm if you 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 mimick what you are seeing on the screen. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What has made me sad again and again is that the nuero pathways set up by 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 pornography disable people from achieving a sexual union with somebody. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It disables them from practicing the art of lovemaking. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It makes it so that the only way that we can experience sex that's pleasurable with 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 a partner, or even get ourselves aroused, is if it is objectifying, if it is impersonal. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 In past years access to porn was difficult. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now due to the online presence of porn, it is only a click away, and so young kids 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 are now watching porn. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And porn is setting up their expectation about what sex should look like. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And this includes not just vanilla pornography, but also extreme pornography 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 in the dysfunctional fetishes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Pornography is becoming the only reference for sex and intimacy that the youth of 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 today's world have. This has serious social implication. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The fifth major shadow of porn, is that porn is a serious waste of sexual energies 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and a distortion of sexual energies. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Many of you have heard of kundalini energy, it's basically just a word we use 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to describe to vital force, or the spiritual energy within a person. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That energy is creative energy. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's not possible to separate out sexual energy from creative energy, that is why 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 sexual energy creates life. It is inherently creative. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If you are spending your energy getting off on porn, you are wasting your 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 creative energy. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That is why so many people with porn addictions develop a kind of apathy, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 they don't really put energy into their life, they're living a bit of a half-life. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 They live in a state of atrophy because the energy they have to create their 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 waking life is being spent. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 When we become addicted to porn, just like any other addiction, we stop investing in 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 our life. We stop engaging with real people. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The sixth major shadow of porn, is that we are creating a reality based on what 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 we are paying attention to, more than that we are creating a collective reality based 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 on what we are collectively paying attention to. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So the question to ask yourself is, what is what I am paying attention to 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 creating for me in my waking life? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Also, like a drug, you need more and more of it and higher levels to get the 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 same kind of high. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Think about horror films in the 50's, they don't even compare to the horror 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 films of today. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It wouldn't scare us if we saw that, but back then, that was downright terrifying. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This also applies to our sexual gratification. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 We need to keep upping the odds and upping the odds in order to get the same kind of 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 rise. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What will the porn look like 20 years from today? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If so many eyes are focused at the distorted and out-of-alignment form of 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 sexuality, I can promise you one thing: we will create a collective reality of 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 sexual distortion, as if the sexual distortion of today's world is not bad 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 enough. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The seventh major shadow of porn, is that when people watch it, they often 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 compartmentalize it from the rest of their day-to-day life. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 They exit their life and enter this zone of pornography. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 We have the tendency, when we watch porn, to think that the law of attraction is 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 somehow not applicable to the time period that we are watching porn, and so that 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 time is not part of the "I create my own reality" actuality. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 We think that we can keep that aspect of life secret and contained. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So we don't realize that our porn watching is in fact not a separate reality, it is a 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 part of our everyday reality and it will absolutely merge with and affect our 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 day-to-day life experiences, our values, our belief systems, our relationships, our 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 career, everything. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So what should you do if you're struggling with a porn addiction? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The first thing that you have to do is to is to really ask yourself this question: 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Is porn adding something to my life, or is it taking something away? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And you have to be really honest with yourself about the answer to that question. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This is difficult for some of us because if we like to watch porn, than we are in 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the habit of justifying our porn-watching. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 We keep telling ourselves that everyone is doing it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Only you can decide if pornography is negatively affecting your life. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But until you decide it's negatively affecting your life, you will have 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 absolutely no motivation to change it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Step Two: Become aware. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You have to become completely aware of what you are trying to escape from by 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 using porn. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The next time you feel the urge to watch it, sit with the uncomfortable feelings as 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 if you were exploring the sensation, and try to identify what it is. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Also, identify your triggers. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 A trigger is something that causes you to feel the compulsion to watch porn. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Think about the last hours and minutes leading up to the moment when the urge 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 occurs. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Can you identify any triggers? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 For example, did you get into a fight with someone which caused you to feel stress, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and thus need release? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Step 3: Go in the direction of those negative feeling states instead of away 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 from them. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So the next time you feel that urge to go use porn, instead of doing that, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I want you to sink down into that feeling, that negative feeling state, and I want 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 you to be unconditionally present with it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This is the beginning of integration. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 To understand more about how to do this process, I want you to watch my 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 video on YouTube titled: "How to Heal the Emotional Body" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Also, if you find that the feeling state that is in fact motivating your porn use 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 is the feeling of emptiness, which is so often the case, I want you to go watch my 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 YouTube video titled: "How to Stop Feeling Empty" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Four: Change your life in accordance with the feeling state that you discovered that 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 you're trying to avoid. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 For example, if you are using porn to avoid boredom, get busy. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Find a healthy preoccupation that requires your focused attention and energy. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Or, if you find that you were using porn to escape stress, figure out what is 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 making you the most stressed, and either find healthier ways to manage the stress 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 or change that aspect of your life entirely so the stress is no longer there. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Basically we have to face and work with the very thing which we are using porn 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to avoid, in order to overcome the causation of our porn use. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Porn use is more like a symptom. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Why would you address the symptom without addressing the cause? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Five: If you feel the urge to watch porn, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 play a game of fast-forward instead. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's easy to get wrapped up in the sensations 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 of excitement and arousal, but if you can 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 use that feeling of arousal to remind yourself, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to play the tape forward, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to post watching porn, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that feeling of disappointment, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that feeling of exhaustion, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that feeling of low self-worth, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the feeling of total and utter failure and shame. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Then you can use the memory of what it will be like if you do watch porn 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to water down the intensity and the heat of the arousal. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Six: Get into the mentality that porn quite literally doesn't exist. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If you do the previous steps which I have just listed, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 this step will be much easier. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 When it comes to addictions, as I have said before, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the addiction in and of itself is the symptom, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 of a deeper underlying problem. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So when we are usually addressing addictions, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Rather than focus on the substance that we're addicted to, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What we want to do is to figure out a way 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to solve the causation of the addiction, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to solve whatever is fueling that addiction. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Cause if you do that, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 then the addiction simply goes away on its own. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 When it comes to porn, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 we can focus on addressing the causation and also the symptom. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 We do this, by going cold turkey. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 In other words, when it comes to porn 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 don't limit your time to watching porn. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Get rid of your outlets for the addiction, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 so you literally can't access it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Then, think and act as if porn does not exist. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Out of sheer necessity, you will be forced to replace the porn 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 with other things to direct your energy towards. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Seven: In alignment with the last point I made, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 when you feel that urge, recognize that urge as an extreme burst of energy. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Of course you want to release that energy, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the question is towards what? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What I want you to do when you feel the urge to watch porn, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 is to redirect that energy towards something that is more beneficial. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You cannot actually suppress your sexual urges 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it's not possible, it has to get out somehow 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now, the fact that we can't suppress our sexual urges is fact the reason why 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 our porn subscriptions are higher in states like Utah, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 where there's a high amount of sexual suppression. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Suppression doesn't work. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You have to redirect that energy towards something else. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Think about harnessing that energy, ask yourself: 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If I could harness that energy and put it towards something else 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that would directly benefit my life, what would it be? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And then do that instead. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If you do this enough, you will realize that you've actually got a life. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You're no longer watching porn, feeling terrible about yourself 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and feeling like you need to get a life. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Eight: Increase your self-esteem and start to self-care. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 As was discussed earlier, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 porn instantly decreases your self-esteem. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So the opposite vibration to porn, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 is self-esteem. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If you are addicted to porn, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it has become a self-hate spiral. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So pull yourself out of that and start to live healthy 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and alter your perspective so you can see yourself in a positive light. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Take a look at the values you do have and things the things you really do believe in 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and begin to live according to those values. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Live from a space of integrity with who you are. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Do things you enjoy. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Eat a diet that makes you feel good about yourself. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Exercise. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Groom yourself in a way that makes you feel proud to present yourself to the world. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Get outside. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Help others. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Helping others increases your self-esteem five-fold. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Seek out things that make you laugh. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Start meditating and going to yoga class. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Listen to motivating music that inspires you to really live. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Start focusing on the things like about yourself 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and find approval for the things you dislike about yourself. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 These are just some examples. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Raise your frequency. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 For more information about how to raise your frequency 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 you can look up my YouTube video titled: "How to Raise Your Frequency and Increase Your Vibration" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Remember that the more you replace porn with more beneficial pursuits, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the better and better your life will get. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 While we're on this subject, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It must be known that if you think that there is something not good 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 about watching porn, you can't watch porn and feel good. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Nine: Now I am going to give you the #1 most important tip when it comes to 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 any addiction, including porn addiction. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Way back when, scientists were doing studies 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 on rats and substance addiction. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 They would put them in cages and they would lace their water with substances 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 like cocaine. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Of course these rats would continue to go to the water, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 they would become addicted to the cocaine in the water, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and other drugs, to the degree that they would then die. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Of course the obvious assumption is that the substances were to blame 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 for the addiction. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Then, in 1970, Bruce Alexander, who was a scientist at the time 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 made and interesting observation. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 These rats who are addicted to these substances, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 were placed in cages alone. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So he thought to himself, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 what's the next logical thing to do to test 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 whether substances are in fact to blame for addiction? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Ah! Let's put these rats in nice cages with friends. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And what did he find? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 These rats did not become addicted to the substances, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 in fact they seemed to shun the water which was 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 laced with these particular medicinals. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What does this tell us about addiction? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It tells us that addiction is not about the substance, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it's about an underlying feeling of isolation. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The addiction was an adaptation to a painful environment. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Most especially one that was void of connection. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What I'm about to say I want you to remember for the rest of your life. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Emotional isolation is the #1 cause of all addictions on this planet. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Sobriety is not the opposite of addiction. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Human connection is. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So connect with people. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 For more information about how to do this, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 watch my YouTube video titled "How to Connect with Someone" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It is my desire that sex not be associated with sin in the minds of men. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 We cannot be at war with our sexuality, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and become integral and whole beings in and of ourselves. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It is not right my desire for porn to become the scapegoat for society's 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 dysfunction, which is how many would paint it to be. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I am all for becoming free and open-minded 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and for embracing things that should never be taboo. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But being free and open-minded is not the same thing 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 as simply celebrating the taboo because it is taboo. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I am open to the idea that when people come into a state of alignment 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 with their sexuality, where their relationship to their own sexuality 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 is healthy and also a beneficial one. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That we are fully capable of making pornography that is completely 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 in-alignment. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But as for right now, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the vast majority of porn is profoundly out of alignment. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It is an empty package, and you deserve 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 something of substance. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Have a good week. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Outro Music]