[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.48,0:00:05.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I would like to start by telling you\Nabout one of my greatest friends,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.20,0:00:06.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okoloma.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.72,0:00:09.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okoloma lived on my street
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.36,0:00:11.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and looked after me like a big brother.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:11.68,0:00:14.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If I liked a boy,\NI would ask Okoloma's opinion.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.16,0:00:20.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okoloma died in the notorious\NSosoliso plane crash
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.04,0:00:22.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in Nigeria in December of 2005.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.00,0:00:24.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Almost exactly seven years ago.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.08,0:00:30.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okoloma was a person I could argue with,\Nlaugh with and truly talk to.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.68,0:00:34.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was also the first person\Nto call me a feminist.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.52,0:00:38.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was about fourteen,\Nwe were at his house, arguing.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.96,0:00:41.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Both of us bristling\Nwith half bit knowledge
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.48,0:00:42.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from books that we had read.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.56,0:00:46.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't remember what this\Nparticular argument was about,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.32,0:00:49.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I remember\Nthat as I argued and argued,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.40,0:00:52.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okoloma looked at me and said,\N"You know, you're a feminist."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.88,0:00:55.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was not a compliment.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.12,0:00:56.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.56,0:00:57.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could tell from his tone,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.92,0:01:00.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the same tone that you would use\Nto say something like,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.72,0:01:02.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You're a supporter of terrorism."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.48,0:01:05.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.28,0:01:08.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I did not know exactly\Nwhat this word "feminist" meant,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.96,0:01:12.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I did not want Okoloma\Nto know that I did not know.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.20,0:01:15.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I brushed it aside,\Nand I continued to argue.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.24,0:01:17.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the first thing\NI planned to do when I got home
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.68,0:01:20.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was to look up the word\N"feminist" in the dictionary.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.28,0:01:23.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now fast forward to some years later,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.44,0:01:27.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wrote a novel about a man\Nwho among other things beats his wife
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.60,0:01:29.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and whose story doesn't end very well.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.60,0:01:32.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,While I was promoting\Nthe novel in Nigeria,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.68,0:01:35.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a journalist, a nice, well-meaning man,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.72,0:01:37.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,told me he wanted to advise me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.28,0:01:40.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And for the Nigerians here,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.64,0:01:42.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sure we're all familiar
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.16,0:01:48.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with how quick our people are\Nto give unsolicited advice.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.76,0:01:53.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He told me that people were saying\Nthat my novel was feminist
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.24,0:01:54.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and his advice to me --
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.88,0:01:58.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he was shaking his head\Nsadly as he spoke --
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.08,0:02:00.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was that I should never\Ncall myself a feminist
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.28,0:02:02.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because feminists\Nare women who are unhappy
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.88,0:02:04.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because they cannot find husbands.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.84,0:02:07.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.28,0:02:11.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I decided to call myself\N"a happy feminist."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.04,0:02:15.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then an academic, a Nigerian woman told me
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.72,0:02:17.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that feminism was not our culture
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.44,0:02:19.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that feminism wasn't African,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.08,0:02:21.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that I was calling myself a feminist
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.04,0:02:23.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I had been corrupted\Nby "Western books."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.12,0:02:25.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which amused me,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.36,0:02:28.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because a lot of my early readings\Nwere decidedly unfeminist.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.72,0:02:31.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think I must have read every single\NMills & Boon romance published
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.96,0:02:33.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,before I was sixteen.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.96,0:02:35.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And each time I tried to read those books
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.96,0:02:37.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,called "the feminist classics,"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.80,0:02:40.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd get bored, and I really\Nstruggled to finish them.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.60,0:02:43.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But anyway, since feminism was un-African,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.36,0:02:46.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I decided that I would now call myself\N"a happy African feminist."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.84,0:02:52.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At some point I was a happy African\Nfeminist who does not hate men
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.28,0:02:53.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and who likes lip gloss
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.64,0:02:56.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and who wears high heels\Nfor herself but not for men.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.16,0:02:57.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.92,0:03:00.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course a lot of this\Nwas tongue-in-cheek,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.12,0:03:04.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that word feminist is so heavy\Nwith baggage, negative baggage.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.76,0:03:07.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You hate men, you hate bras,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.12,0:03:09.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you hate African culture,\Nthat sort of thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.24,0:03:12.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now here's a story from my childhood.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.00,0:03:14.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was in primary school,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.80,0:03:19.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my teacher said at the beginning of term\Nthat she would give the class a test
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.36,0:03:22.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and whoever got the highest score\Nwould be the class monitor.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.32,0:03:24.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, class monitor was a big deal.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.24,0:03:26.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you were a class monitor,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.00,0:03:29.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you got to write down\Nthe names of noisemakers --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.48,0:03:31.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.16,0:03:33.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which was having enough power of its own.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.48,0:03:39.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But my teacher would also give you\Na cane to hold in your hand
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.28,0:03:42.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while you walk around\Nand patrol the class for noisemakers.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.36,0:03:46.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, of course you were not\Nactually allowed to use the cane.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.92,0:03:50.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it was an exciting prospect\Nfor the nine-year-old me.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.36,0:03:53.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I very much wanted\Nto be the class monitor.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.16,0:03:55.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I got the highest score on the test.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.80,0:03:59.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then, to my surprise, my teacher said\Nthat the monitor had to be a boy.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.24,0:04:02.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She had forgotten\Nto make that clear earlier
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.36,0:04:04.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because she assumed it was ... obvious.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.24,0:04:06.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.32,0:04:09.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A boy had the second highest\Nscore on the test,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.12,0:04:11.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he would be monitor.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.96,0:04:14.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, what was even more\Ninteresting about this
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.16,0:04:17.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that the boy was a sweet, gentle soul
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.00,0:04:20.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who had no interest\Nin patrolling the class with the cane,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.12,0:04:25.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while I was full of ambition to do so.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.56,0:04:28.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I was female and he was male,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.68,0:04:30.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so he became the class monitor.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.24,0:04:33.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I've never forgotten that incident.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.16,0:04:36.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I often make the mistake of thinking
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.08,0:04:39.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that something that is obvious to me\Nis just as obvious to everyone else.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.56,0:04:41.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, take my dear friend Louis
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.16,0:04:42.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for example.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.52,0:04:44.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Louis is a brilliant, progressive man,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.40,0:04:46.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we would have conversations\Nand he would tell me,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.92,0:04:50.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I don't know what you mean by things\Nbeing different or harder for women.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.96,0:04:52.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe in the past, but not now."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:53.56,0:04:58.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I didn't understand how Louis\Ncould not see what seems so self-evident.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.16,0:05:02.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then one evening, in Lagos,\NLouis and I went out with friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.32,0:05:04.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And for people here\Nwho are not familiar with Lagos,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.80,0:05:06.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's that wonderful Lagos' fixture,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.72,0:05:11.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the sprinkling of energetic men\Nwho hang around outside establishments
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.40,0:05:14.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and very dramatically\N"help" you park your car.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.00,0:05:19.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was impressed\Nwith the particular theatrics
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.32,0:05:22.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the man who found us\Na parking spot that evening.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.32,0:05:25.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so as we were leaving,\NI decided to leave him a tip.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.76,0:05:28.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I opened my bag,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.20,0:05:29.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,put my hand inside my bag,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.60,0:05:32.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,brought out my money\Nthat I had earned from doing my work,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.16,0:05:34.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I gave it to the man.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.60,0:05:39.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he, this man who was\Nvery grateful and very happy,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.00,0:05:41.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,took the money from me,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.80,0:05:43.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,looked across at Louis
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.24,0:05:45.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and said, "Thank you, sir!"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.12,0:05:47.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.16,0:05:54.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Louis looked at me, surprised,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.44,0:05:57.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and asked, "Why is he thanking me?\NI didn't give him the money."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.84,0:06:01.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then I saw realization\Ndawn on Louis' face.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.04,0:06:05.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The man believed that whatever money I had
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.48,0:06:09.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had ultimately come from Louis.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.72,0:06:10.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because Louis is a man.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.60,0:06:14.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Men and women are different.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.44,0:06:17.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have different hormones,\Nwe have different sexual organs,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.32,0:06:19.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we have different biological abilities.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.40,0:06:21.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Women can have babies, men can't.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.80,0:06:24.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At least not yet.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.04,0:06:25.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.48,0:06:29.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Men have testosterone and are\Nin general physically stronger than women.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.52,0:06:33.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's slightly more women\Nthan men in the world,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.20,0:06:36.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about 52 percent of the world's\Npopulation is female.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.32,0:06:39.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But most of the positions of power\Nand prestige are occupied by men.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.84,0:06:43.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The late Kenyan Nobel Peace laureate,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.32,0:06:44.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wangari Maathai,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.68,0:06:46.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,put it simply and well when she said:
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.60,0:06:50.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"The higher you go,\Nthe fewer women there are."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.92,0:06:56.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the recent US elections we kept hearing\Nof the Lilly Ledbetter law,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.56,0:06:59.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if we go beyond the nicely\Nalliterative name of that law,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.00,0:07:02.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was really about a man and a woman
Dialogue: 0,0:07:02.16,0:07:04.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doing the same job,\Nbeing equally qualified,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.96,0:07:07.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the man being paid more\Nbecause he's a man.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.16,0:07:11.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So in the literal way, men rule the world,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.52,0:07:14.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and this made sense a thousand years ago
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.12,0:07:17.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because human beings lived then in a world
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.00,0:07:22.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in which physical strength was\Nthe most important attribute for survival.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.20,0:07:25.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The physically stronger person\Nwas more likely to lead,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:27.28,0:07:29.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and men, in general,\Nare physically stronger.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.88,0:07:31.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course there are many exceptions.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.62,0:07:33.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.20,0:07:37.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But today we live\Nin a vastly different world.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.72,0:07:41.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The person more likely to lead\Nis not the physically stronger person;
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.80,0:07:45.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is the more creative person,\Nthe more intelligent person,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:45.32,0:07:47.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the more innovative person,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:47.76,0:07:50.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and there are no hormones\Nfor those attributes.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.44,0:07:53.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A man is as likely as a woman\Nto be intelligent,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.08,0:07:55.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be creative, to be innovative.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.80,0:07:57.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have evolved;
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.12,0:08:00.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it seems to me that our ideas\Nof gender had not evolved.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.76,0:08:05.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some weeks ago, I walked into a lobby\Nof one of the best Nigerian hotels.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.28,0:08:09.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought about naming the hotel,\Nbut I thought I probably shouldn't.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.56,0:08:12.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And a guard at the entrance stopped me\Nand asked me annoying questions,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.96,0:08:15.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because their automatic assumption is
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.80,0:08:18.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that a Nigerian female walking\Ninto a hotel alone is a sex worker.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.00,0:08:22.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And by the way,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.24,0:08:25.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why do these hotels\Nfocus on the ostensible supply
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.40,0:08:27.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rather than the demand for sex workers?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.52,0:08:34.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In Lagos I cannot go alone\Ninto many "reputable" bars and clubs.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.80,0:08:37.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They just don't let you in\Nif you're a woman alone,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.24,0:08:38.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to be accompanied by a man.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.60,0:08:42.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Each time I walk into\Na Nigerian restaurant with a man,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.36,0:08:44.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the waiter greets the man and ignores me.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.32,0:08:47.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The waiters are products --
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.84,0:08:48.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.00,0:08:51.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At this some women\Nfelt like, "Yes! I thought that!"
Dialogue: 0,0:08:51.92,0:08:53.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The waiters are products of a society
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.88,0:08:56.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that has taught them that men\Nare more important than women.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.24,0:09:01.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I know that waiters\Ndon't intend any harm.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.12,0:09:05.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's one thing to know intellectually\Nand quite another to feel it emotionally.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.44,0:09:07.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Each time they ignore me,\NI feel invisible.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:07.84,0:09:09.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel upset.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.72,0:09:13.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to tell them\Nthat I am just as human as the man,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:13.08,0:09:15.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I'm just as worthy of acknowledgment.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.76,0:09:18.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These are little things,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.04,0:09:21.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but sometimes it's the little things\Nthat sting the most.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.32,0:09:23.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And not long ago, I wrote an article
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.08,0:09:26.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about what it means\Nto be young and female in Lagos,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.40,0:09:28.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the printers told me,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.12,0:09:30.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"It was so angry."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.96,0:09:32.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course it was angry!
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.36,0:09:34.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.84,0:09:38.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am angry.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.52,0:09:41.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gender as it functions today\Nis a grave injustice.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.68,0:09:43.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We should all be angry.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.44,0:09:47.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anger has a long history\Nof bringing about positive change;
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.32,0:09:50.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but, in addition to being angry,\NI'm also hopeful.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.88,0:09:53.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I believe deeply\Nin the ability of human beings
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.52,0:09:55.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to make and remake\Nthemselves for the better.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.92,0:09:58.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gender matters everywhere in the world,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.84,0:10:01.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I want to focus on Nigeria
Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.52,0:10:02.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and on Africa in general,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.00,0:10:06.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it is where I know,\Nand because it is where my heart is.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.60,0:10:08.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I would like today to ask
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.56,0:10:12.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we begin to dream about\Nand plan for a different world,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.72,0:10:14.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a fairer world,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.24,0:10:20.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a world of happier men and happier women\Nwho are truer to themselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.44,0:10:21.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is how to start:
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.00,0:10:24.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we must raise our daughters differently.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.48,0:10:26.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We must also raise our sons differently.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.00,0:10:31.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We do a great disservice to boys\Non how we raise them;
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.68,0:10:33.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we stifle the humanity of boys.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.48,0:10:37.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We define masculinity\Nin a very narrow way,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.08,0:10:40.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,masculinity becomes this hard, small cage
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.60,0:10:42.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we put boys inside the cage.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.92,0:10:44.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We teach boys to be afraid of fear.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.48,0:10:49.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We teach boys to be afraid\Nof weakness, of vulnerability.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.20,0:10:52.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We teach them to mask their true selves,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.68,0:10:56.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because they have to be,\Nin Nigerian speak, "hard man!"
Dialogue: 0,0:10:58.44,0:11:02.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In secondary school, a boy and a girl,\Nboth of them teenagers,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.60,0:11:06.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,both of them with the same amount\Nof pocket money, would go out
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.12,0:11:08.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then the boy\Nwould be expected always to pay,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.92,0:11:10.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to prove his masculinity.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.44,0:11:15.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yet we wonder why boys are more likely\Nto steal money from their parents.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.24,0:11:20.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What if both boys and girls were raised
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.76,0:11:22.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not to link masculinity with money?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.72,0:11:26.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What if the attitude\Nwas not "the boy has to pay"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:26.76,0:11:29.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but rather "whoever has more should pay?"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.36,0:11:32.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, of course because\Nof that historical advantage,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.96,0:11:35.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is mostly men who will have more today,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:35.44,0:11:38.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but if we start\Nraising children differently,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.08,0:11:40.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then in fifty years, in a hundred years,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:40.64,0:11:44.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,boys will no longer have the pressure\Nof having to prove this masculinity.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:45.68,0:11:48.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But by far the worst thing we do to males,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:48.72,0:11:51.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by making them feel\Nthat they have to be hard,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:51.08,0:11:54.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that we leave them\Nwith very fragile egos.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:55.12,0:11:58.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The more "hard man"\Nthe man feels compelled to be,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:59.32,0:12:00.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the weaker his ego is.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:02.96,0:12:05.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then we do a much greater\Ndisservice to girls
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.00,0:12:09.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because we raise them\Nto cater to the fragile egos of men.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.20,0:12:13.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We teach girls to shrink themselves,\Nto make themselves smaller,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:13.72,0:12:14.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we say to girls,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:15.64,0:12:17.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You can have ambition, but not too much."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:17.84,0:12:19.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:12:19.24,0:12:21.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You should aim to be successful,\Nbut not too successful,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:21.96,0:12:24.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,otherwise you would threaten the man."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.72,0:12:27.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you are the breadwinner\Nin your relationship with a man,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:27.64,0:12:29.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to pretend that you're not,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:29.64,0:12:31.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,especially in public,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.32,0:12:33.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,otherwise you will emasculate him.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.72,0:12:37.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what if we question\Nthe premise itself?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.08,0:12:40.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why should a woman's success\Nbe a threat to a man?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.20,0:12:44.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What if we decide\Nto simply dispose of that word,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.76,0:12:49.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I don't think there's an English word\NI dislike more than "emasculation."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.72,0:12:53.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A Nigerian acquaintance once asked me
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.04,0:12:55.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if I was worried that men\Nwould be intimidated by me.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:56.56,0:12:58.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was not worried at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.32,0:13:00.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, it had not occurred\Nto me to be worried
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.60,0:13:02.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because a man who would\Nbe intimidated by me
Dialogue: 0,0:13:02.84,0:13:05.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is exactly the kind of man\NI would have no interest in.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.48,0:13:06.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:06.72,0:13:08.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.12,0:13:16.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But still I was really struck by this.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.64,0:13:21.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I'm female,\NI'm expected to aspire to marriage;
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.96,0:13:23.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm expected to make my life choices
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.76,0:13:26.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,always keeping in mind\Nthat marriage is the most important.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:28.04,0:13:30.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A marriage can be a good thing;
Dialogue: 0,0:13:30.04,0:13:34.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it can be a source of joy\Nand love and mutual support.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.48,0:13:36.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But why do we teach girls\Nto aspire to marriage
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.96,0:13:38.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we don't teach boys the same?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.84,0:13:43.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know a woman\Nwho decided to sell her house
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.04,0:13:46.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because she didn't want\Nto intimidate a man who might marry her.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:47.88,0:13:52.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know an unmarried woman in Nigeria\Nwho, when she goes to conferences,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:52.36,0:13:53.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wears a wedding ring
Dialogue: 0,0:13:53.76,0:13:54.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because according to her,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.00,0:13:58.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she wants the other participants\Nin the conference to "give her respect."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.12,0:14:02.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know young women\Nwho are under so much pressure
Dialogue: 0,0:14:02.48,0:14:06.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from family, from friends,\Neven from work to get married,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:06.60,0:14:08.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they're pushed\Nto make terrible choices.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:09.52,0:14:12.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A woman at a certain age who is unmarried,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:12.16,0:14:16.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our society teaches her\Nto see it as a deep, personal failure.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:17.04,0:14:19.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And a man at a certain age\Nwho is unmarried,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:19.84,0:14:22.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we just think he hasn't come around\Nto making his pick.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:22.48,0:14:24.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:14:24.36,0:14:25.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's easy for us to say,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:26.00,0:14:28.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, but women can\Njust say no to all of this."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.28,0:14:30.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the reality is more difficult\Nand more complex.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:31.36,0:14:33.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're all social beings.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:33.16,0:14:35.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We internalize ideas\Nfrom our socialization.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:35.68,0:14:37.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even the language we use
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.68,0:14:41.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in talking about marriage\Nand relationships illustrates this.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.12,0:14:43.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The language of marriage\Nis often the language of ownership
Dialogue: 0,0:14:44.00,0:14:46.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rather than the language of partnership.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:46.80,0:14:49.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We use the word "respect"
Dialogue: 0,0:14:49.52,0:14:52.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to mean something a woman shows a man
Dialogue: 0,0:14:52.32,0:14:54.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but often not something\Na man shows a woman.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:56.16,0:14:58.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Both men and women in Nigeria will say --
Dialogue: 0,0:14:58.64,0:15:00.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is an expression\NI'm very amused by --
Dialogue: 0,0:15:00.96,0:15:03.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I did it for peace in my marriage."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:04.40,0:15:05.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, when men say it,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:06.00,0:15:09.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is usually about something\Nthat they should not be doing anyway.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:09.20,0:15:11.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:15:11.16,0:15:13.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes they say it to their friends,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:13.96,0:15:17.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's something to say to their friends\Nin a kind of fondly exasperated way,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:17.92,0:15:21.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, something that ultimately\Nproves how masculine they are,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:21.08,0:15:22.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how needed, how loved.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:22.56,0:15:25.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, my wife said\NI can't go to the club every night,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:25.08,0:15:27.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so for peace in my marriage,\NI do it only on weekends."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:27.92,0:15:29.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:15:29.64,0:15:33.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, when a woman says,\N"I did it for peace in my marriage,"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:33.92,0:15:37.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she's usually talking\Nabout giving up a job,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:37.48,0:15:38.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a dream,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:38.96,0:15:40.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a career.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:41.08,0:15:43.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We teach females that in relationships,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:43.52,0:15:45.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,compromise is what women do.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.08,0:15:49.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We raise girls to see\Neach other as competitors --
Dialogue: 0,0:15:49.68,0:15:53.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not for jobs or for accomplishments,\Nwhich I think can be a good thing,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:53.16,0:15:54.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but for attention of men.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:55.92,0:15:58.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We teach girls that they\Ncannot be sexual beings
Dialogue: 0,0:15:58.88,0:16:00.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the way that boys are.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:00.40,0:16:03.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we have sons, we don't mind\Nknowing about our sons' girlfriends.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:04.48,0:16:06.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But our daughters' boyfriends? God forbid.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:06.84,0:16:08.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:16:08.48,0:16:10.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But of course when the time is right,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:10.32,0:16:14.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we expect those girls to bring back\Nthe perfect man to be their husbands.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:14.24,0:16:17.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We police girls,\Nwe praise girls for virginity,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:17.64,0:16:19.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we don't praise boys for virginity,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:19.60,0:16:23.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's always made me wonder how exactly\Nthis is supposed to work out because ...
Dialogue: 0,0:16:23.53,0:16:25.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:16:25.88,0:16:28.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:16:33.76,0:16:37.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean, the loss of virginity\Nis usually a process that involves ...
Dialogue: 0,0:16:38.68,0:16:42.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Recently a young woman\Nwas gang raped in a university in Nigeria,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:42.88,0:16:44.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think some of us know about that.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:44.60,0:16:47.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the response of many young Nigerians,\Nboth male and female,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:47.88,0:16:50.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was something along the lines of this:
Dialogue: 0,0:16:50.40,0:16:52.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Yes, rape is wrong.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:52.60,0:16:55.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what is a girl doing\Nin a room with four boys?"
Dialogue: 0,0:16:56.92,0:17:01.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, if we can forget\Nthe horrible inhumanity of that response,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:02.08,0:17:06.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these Nigerians have been raised\Nto think of women as inherently guilty,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:07.32,0:17:10.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they have been raised\Nto expect so little of men
Dialogue: 0,0:17:10.48,0:17:14.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the idea of men as savage beings\Nwithout any control
Dialogue: 0,0:17:14.20,0:17:15.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is somehow acceptable.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:16.84,0:17:18.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We teach girls shame.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:18.88,0:17:20.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Close your legs." "Cover yourself."
Dialogue: 0,0:17:21.44,0:17:23.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We make them feel\Nas though by being born female
Dialogue: 0,0:17:23.72,0:17:25.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're already guilty of something.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:25.84,0:17:28.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so, girls grow up to be women
Dialogue: 0,0:17:28.20,0:17:30.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who cannot see they have desire.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:30.36,0:17:33.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They grow up to be women\Nwho silence themselves.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:35.08,0:17:38.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They grow up to be women\Nwho cannot say what they truly think,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:38.52,0:17:39.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they grow up --
Dialogue: 0,0:17:39.88,0:17:42.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and this is the worst thing\Nwe did to girls --
Dialogue: 0,0:17:42.08,0:17:46.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they grow up to be women\Nwho have turned pretense into an art form.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:46.24,0:17:50.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:17:52.44,0:17:55.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know a woman who hates domestic work,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:55.88,0:17:57.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she just hates it,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:57.40,0:17:59.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but she pretends that she likes it,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:00.20,0:18:04.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because she's been taught\Nthat to be "good wife material"
Dialogue: 0,0:18:04.32,0:18:06.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she has to be --\Nto use that Nigerian word --
Dialogue: 0,0:18:06.72,0:18:08.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,very "homely."
Dialogue: 0,0:18:09.44,0:18:10.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then she got married,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:11.00,0:18:14.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and after a while her husband's family\Nbegan to complain that she had changed.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:14.84,0:18:16.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:18:16.44,0:18:17.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Actually, she had not changed,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:17.92,0:18:19.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she just got tired of pretending.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:20.72,0:18:23.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The problem with gender,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:23.88,0:18:26.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that it prescribes how we should be
Dialogue: 0,0:18:26.44,0:18:28.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,rather than recognizing how we are.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:29.40,0:18:31.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now imagine how much happier we would be,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:31.88,0:18:35.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how much freer to be\Nour true individual selves,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:35.40,0:18:38.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if we didn't have the weight\Nof gender expectations.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:39.24,0:18:44.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Boys and girls are\Nundeniably different biologically,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:44.04,0:18:47.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but socialization\Nexaggerates the differences
Dialogue: 0,0:18:47.04,0:18:49.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then it becomes\Na self-fulfilling process.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:49.64,0:18:51.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, take cooking for example.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:52.28,0:18:55.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Today women in general are more likely\Nto do the housework than men,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:55.80,0:18:57.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the cooking and cleaning.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:57.08,0:18:58.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But why is that?
Dialogue: 0,0:18:58.68,0:19:01.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is it because women\Nare born with a cooking gene?
Dialogue: 0,0:19:01.56,0:19:02.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:19:03.00,0:19:07.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or because over years they have been\Nsocialized to see cooking as their role?
Dialogue: 0,0:19:07.28,0:19:10.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Actually, I was going to say that maybe\Nwomen are born with a cooking gene,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:10.88,0:19:14.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until I remember that the majority\Nof the famous cooks in the world,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:14.36,0:19:16.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whom we give the fancy title of "chefs,"
Dialogue: 0,0:19:16.68,0:19:17.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are men.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:18.96,0:19:20.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I used to look up to my grandmother
Dialogue: 0,0:19:20.68,0:19:22.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who was a brilliant, brilliant woman,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:22.76,0:19:24.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and wonder how she would have been
Dialogue: 0,0:19:24.52,0:19:27.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if she had the same opportunities\Nas men when she was growing up.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:28.96,0:19:31.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now today, there are\Nmany more opportunities for women
Dialogue: 0,0:19:31.56,0:19:33.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than there were\Nduring my grandmother's time
Dialogue: 0,0:19:33.84,0:19:36.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because of changes in policy,\Nchanges in law,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:36.48,0:19:38.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all of which are very important.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:38.08,0:19:42.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what matters even more\Nis our attitude, our mindset,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:42.64,0:19:45.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what we believe\Nand what we value about gender.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:45.96,0:19:48.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What if in raising children
Dialogue: 0,0:19:48.40,0:19:51.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we focus on ability instead of gender?
Dialogue: 0,0:19:52.00,0:19:56.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What if in raising children\Nwe focus on interest instead of gender?
Dialogue: 0,0:19:57.00,0:19:59.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know a family\Nwho have a son and a daughter,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:59.24,0:20:01.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,both of whom are brilliant at school,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:01.16,0:20:03.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who are wonderful, lovely children.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:03.08,0:20:05.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When the boy is hungry,\Nthe parents say to the girl,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:05.64,0:20:07.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Go and cook Indomie noodles\Nfor your brother."
Dialogue: 0,0:20:07.88,0:20:09.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:20:09.12,0:20:12.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, the daughter doesn't\Nparticularly like to cook Indomie noodles,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:12.64,0:20:15.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but she's a girl, and so she has to.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:15.44,0:20:17.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, what if the parents,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:17.24,0:20:18.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from the beginning,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:18.88,0:20:22.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,taught both the boy and the girl\Nto cook Indomie?
Dialogue: 0,0:20:23.92,0:20:26.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Cooking, by the way,\Nis a very useful skill for boys to have.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:26.96,0:20:31.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've never thought it made sense\Nto leave such a crucial thing,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:31.84,0:20:33.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the ability to nourish oneself --
Dialogue: 0,0:20:33.76,0:20:34.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:20:35.00,0:20:36.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the hands of others.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:36.56,0:20:39.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:20:41.76,0:20:45.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know a woman who has the same degree\Nand the same job as her husband.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:45.64,0:20:48.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When they get back from work,\Nshe does most of the housework,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:48.56,0:20:50.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which I think is true for many marriages.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:50.76,0:20:52.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what struck me about them
Dialogue: 0,0:20:52.52,0:20:55.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was that whenever her husband\Nchanged the baby's diaper,
Dialogue: 0,0:20:55.52,0:20:57.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she said "thank you" to him.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:59.04,0:21:03.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, what if she saw this\Nas perfectly normal and natural
Dialogue: 0,0:21:03.48,0:21:06.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that he should, in fact,\Ncare for his child?
Dialogue: 0,0:21:06.84,0:21:08.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:21:09.68,0:21:13.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm trying to unlearn\Nmany of the lessons of gender
Dialogue: 0,0:21:13.20,0:21:15.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I internalized when I was growing up.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:15.52,0:21:20.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I sometimes still feel very vulnerable\Nin the face of gender expectations.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:20.60,0:21:23.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first time I taught\Na writing class in graduate school,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:24.36,0:21:25.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was worried.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:25.64,0:21:27.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wasn't worried\Nabout the material I would teach
Dialogue: 0,0:21:28.00,0:21:29.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I was well-prepared,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:29.36,0:21:31.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was going to teach\Nwhat I enjoy teaching.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:31.60,0:21:33.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead, I was worried about what to wear.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:34.68,0:21:36.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wanted to be taken seriously.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:37.48,0:21:39.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I knew that because I was female
Dialogue: 0,0:21:39.08,0:21:42.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I will automatically\Nhave to prove my worth.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:43.24,0:21:45.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I was worried\Nthat if I looked too feminine,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:45.52,0:21:47.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would not be taken seriously.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:47.32,0:21:51.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I really wanted to wear\Nmy shiny lip gloss and my girly skirt,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:51.68,0:21:53.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I decided not to.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:53.52,0:21:55.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead, I wore a very serious,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:55.92,0:21:58.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,very manly and very ugly suit.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:58.52,0:22:00.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:22:00.04,0:22:02.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because the sad truth is\Nthat when it comes to appearance
Dialogue: 0,0:22:02.76,0:22:05.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we start off with men\Nas the standard, as the norm.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:05.96,0:22:08.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If a man is getting ready\Nfor a business meeting,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:08.32,0:22:10.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he doesn't worry\Nabout looking too masculine
Dialogue: 0,0:22:10.48,0:22:12.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and therefore not being taken for granted.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:13.00,0:22:15.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If a woman has to get ready\Nfor business meeting,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:15.52,0:22:18.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she has to worry\Nabout looking too feminine
Dialogue: 0,0:22:18.32,0:22:22.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what it says and whether or not\Nshe will be taken seriously.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:24.00,0:22:26.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wish I had not worn\Nthat ugly suit that day.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:27.44,0:22:30.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've actually banished it\Nfrom my closet, by the way.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:30.60,0:22:35.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Had I then the confidence\Nthat I have now to be myself,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:35.56,0:22:38.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my students would have benefited\Neven more from my teaching,
Dialogue: 0,0:22:38.52,0:22:40.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I would have been more comfortable
Dialogue: 0,0:22:40.60,0:22:42.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and more fully and more truly myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:43.80,0:22:47.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have chosen to no longer\Nbe apologetic for my femaleness
Dialogue: 0,0:22:47.84,0:22:49.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and for my femininity.
Dialogue: 0,0:22:49.68,0:22:52.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:22:55.80,0:22:58.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I want to be respected\Nin all of my femaleness
Dialogue: 0,0:22:58.68,0:23:00.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I deserve to be.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:01.20,0:23:03.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gender is not an easy\Nconversation to have.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:05.08,0:23:06.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For both men and women,
Dialogue: 0,0:23:06.68,0:23:10.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to bring up gender is sometimes\Nto encounter almost immediate resistance.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:10.64,0:23:13.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can imagine some people here\Nare actually thinking,
Dialogue: 0,0:23:13.92,0:23:15.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Women, true to selves?"
Dialogue: 0,0:23:17.52,0:23:19.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some of the men here might be thinking,
Dialogue: 0,0:23:19.72,0:23:21.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"OK, all of this is interesting,
Dialogue: 0,0:23:21.48,0:23:23.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I don't think like that."
Dialogue: 0,0:23:23.96,0:23:26.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that is part of the problem.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:26.20,0:23:29.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That many men do not\Nactively think about gender
Dialogue: 0,0:23:29.20,0:23:30.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or notice gender
Dialogue: 0,0:23:30.72,0:23:32.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is part of the problem of gender.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:32.76,0:23:35.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That many men, say, like my friend Louis,
Dialogue: 0,0:23:35.44,0:23:37.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that everything is fine now.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:38.16,0:23:41.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that many men do nothing to change it.
Dialogue: 0,0:23:41.04,0:23:43.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you are a man and you walk\Ninto a restaurant with a woman
Dialogue: 0,0:23:43.92,0:23:45.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the waiter greets only you,
Dialogue: 0,0:23:46.40,0:23:48.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,does it occur to you to ask the waiter,
Dialogue: 0,0:23:48.92,0:23:50.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why haven't you greeted her?"
Dialogue: 0,0:23:53.32,0:23:54.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because gender can be --
Dialogue: 0,0:23:54.84,0:23:56.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:24:04.88,0:24:09.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Actually, we may repose\Npart of a longer version of this talk.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:09.40,0:24:12.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, because gender can be\Na very uncomfortable conversation to have,
Dialogue: 0,0:24:13.00,0:24:16.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there are very easy ways to close it,\Nto close the conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:16.12,0:24:20.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So some people will bring up\Nevolutionary biology and apes,
Dialogue: 0,0:24:20.32,0:24:23.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how, you know, female apes\Nbow down to male apes
Dialogue: 0,0:24:24.00,0:24:25.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that sort of thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:25.88,0:24:27.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the point is we're not apes.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:27.96,0:24:29.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:24:29.40,0:24:33.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:24:34.16,0:24:38.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Apes also live on trees\Nand have earthworms for breakfast,
Dialogue: 0,0:24:39.00,0:24:40.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we don't.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:41.24,0:24:45.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some people will say,\N"Well, poor men also have a hard time."
Dialogue: 0,0:24:45.88,0:24:47.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this is true.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:47.92,0:24:49.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that is not what this --
Dialogue: 0,0:24:49.28,0:24:50.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:24:50.40,0:24:53.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But this is not\Nwhat this conversation is about.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:54.48,0:24:58.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gender and class\Nare different forms of oppression.
Dialogue: 0,0:24:58.28,0:25:01.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I actually learned quite a bit\Nabout systems of oppression
Dialogue: 0,0:25:01.96,0:25:04.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how they can be blind to one another
Dialogue: 0,0:25:04.44,0:25:05.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by talking to black men.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:07.32,0:25:10.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was once talking\Nto a black man about gender
Dialogue: 0,0:25:10.52,0:25:11.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he said to me,
Dialogue: 0,0:25:11.92,0:25:15.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Why do you have to say\N'my experience as a woman'?
Dialogue: 0,0:25:15.40,0:25:16.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why can't it be
Dialogue: 0,0:25:16.64,0:25:18.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'your experience as a human being'?"
Dialogue: 0,0:25:19.84,0:25:21.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, this was the same man
Dialogue: 0,0:25:21.12,0:25:24.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who would often talk\Nabout his experience as a black man.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:27.36,0:25:28.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gender matters.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:28.60,0:25:31.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Men and women\Nexperience the world differently.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:31.12,0:25:33.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gender colors the way\Nwe experience the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:33.96,0:25:35.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we can change that.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:36.52,0:25:38.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some people will say,
Dialogue: 0,0:25:38.48,0:25:40.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, but women have the real power,
Dialogue: 0,0:25:40.96,0:25:42.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,bottom power."
Dialogue: 0,0:25:42.76,0:25:45.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And for non-Nigerians,\Nbottom power is an expression
Dialogue: 0,0:25:45.68,0:25:47.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which I suppose means\Nsomething like a woman
Dialogue: 0,0:25:47.56,0:25:50.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who uses her sexuality\Nto get favors from men.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:51.20,0:25:53.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But bottom power is not power at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:25:56.40,0:25:59.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Bottom power means that a woman
Dialogue: 0,0:25:59.20,0:26:02.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,simply has a good root to tap into,\Nfrom time to time --
Dialogue: 0,0:26:02.12,0:26:03.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,somebody else's power.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:04.64,0:26:06.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then, of course, we have to wonder
Dialogue: 0,0:26:06.52,0:26:09.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what happens when\Nthat somebody else is in a bad mood,
Dialogue: 0,0:26:09.20,0:26:10.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or sick
Dialogue: 0,0:26:10.60,0:26:11.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or impotent.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:12.28,0:26:15.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:26:15.72,0:26:21.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some people will say that a woman\Nbeing subordinate to a man is our culture.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:22.64,0:26:24.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But culture is constantly changing.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:24.64,0:26:29.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have beautiful twin nieces\Nwho are fifteen and live in Lagos.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:29.32,0:26:31.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If they had been born a hundred years ago
Dialogue: 0,0:26:32.00,0:26:34.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they would have been\Ntaken away and killed.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:34.16,0:26:37.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because it was our culture,\Nit was our culture to kill twins.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:39.04,0:26:40.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what is the point of culture?
Dialogue: 0,0:26:41.48,0:26:43.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean there's the decorative,
Dialogue: 0,0:26:43.08,0:26:44.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the dancing ...
Dialogue: 0,0:26:44.72,0:26:49.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but also, culture really is about\Npreservation and continuity of a people.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:49.36,0:26:50.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In my family,
Dialogue: 0,0:26:50.64,0:26:53.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am the child who is most interested\Nin the story of who we are,
Dialogue: 0,0:26:53.84,0:26:55.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in our traditions,
Dialogue: 0,0:26:55.12,0:26:57.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the knowledge about ancestral lands.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:57.32,0:26:59.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My brothers are not as interested as I am.
Dialogue: 0,0:26:59.92,0:27:01.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I cannot participate,
Dialogue: 0,0:27:02.20,0:27:04.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I cannot go to their meetings,
Dialogue: 0,0:27:04.24,0:27:05.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I cannot have a say.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:06.00,0:27:07.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I'm female.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:08.08,0:27:10.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Culture does not make people,
Dialogue: 0,0:27:10.20,0:27:11.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people make culture.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:12.92,0:27:14.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So if it is in fact true --
Dialogue: 0,0:27:14.72,0:27:18.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:27:18.24,0:27:19.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So if it is in fact true
Dialogue: 0,0:27:19.88,0:27:22.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the full humanity of women\Nis not our culture,
Dialogue: 0,0:27:22.80,0:27:24.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then we must make it our culture.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:26.04,0:27:31.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think very often\Nof my dear friend Okoloma.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:31.68,0:27:35.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,May he and all the others\Nwho passed away in that Sosoliso crash
Dialogue: 0,0:27:35.68,0:27:37.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,continue to rest in peace.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:38.40,0:27:41.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He will always be remembered\Nby those of us who loved him.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:42.88,0:27:47.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he was right that day many years ago\Nwhen he called me a feminist.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:47.40,0:27:48.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am a feminist.
Dialogue: 0,0:27:49.40,0:27:52.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when I looked up the word\Nin the dictionary that day,
Dialogue: 0,0:27:52.12,0:27:53.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is what it said:
Dialogue: 0,0:27:53.40,0:27:56.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Feminist: a person\Nwho believes in the social, political
Dialogue: 0,0:27:56.80,0:28:00.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and economic equality of the sexes."
Dialogue: 0,0:28:00.52,0:28:03.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My great grandmother,\Nfrom the stories I've heard,
Dialogue: 0,0:28:03.48,0:28:05.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was a feminist.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:05.08,0:28:08.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She ran away from the house of the man\Nshe did not want to marry
Dialogue: 0,0:28:08.48,0:28:10.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and ended up marrying\Nthe man of her choice.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:11.16,0:28:14.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She refused, she protested, she spoke up
Dialogue: 0,0:28:14.16,0:28:19.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whenever she felt she was being deprived\Nof access, of land, that sort of thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:19.48,0:28:22.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My great grandmother\Ndid not know that word "feminist,"
Dialogue: 0,0:28:22.80,0:28:24.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it doesn't mean that she wasn't one.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:26.16,0:28:28.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,More of us should reclaim that word.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:30.04,0:28:32.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My own definition of feminist is:
Dialogue: 0,0:28:33.20,0:28:35.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"A feminist is a man or a woman
Dialogue: 0,0:28:35.60,0:28:36.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who says --
Dialogue: 0,0:28:37.48,0:28:40.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:28:40.64,0:28:44.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:28:46.60,0:28:49.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A feminist is a man or a woman who says,
Dialogue: 0,0:28:49.88,0:28:53.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Yes, there's a problem\Nwith gender as it is today,
Dialogue: 0,0:28:53.20,0:28:54.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we must fix it.
Dialogue: 0,0:28:54.52,0:28:56.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We must do better."
Dialogue: 0,0:28:57.96,0:29:00.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The best feminist I know
Dialogue: 0,0:29:00.04,0:29:01.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is my brother Kene.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:02.92,0:29:06.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's also a kind,\Ngood-looking, lovely man,
Dialogue: 0,0:29:06.84,0:29:08.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he's very masculine.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:09.32,0:29:10.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:29:10.56,0:29:14.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)