[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.76,0:00:21.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's the one decision\Nthat you are going to make in your life
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.98,0:00:27.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's going to determine your future\Nmental health, happiness and well-being
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.73,0:00:30.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more than any other decision\Nyou're going to make?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.66,0:00:35.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, that decision is\Nwho you choose to marry.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.88,0:00:38.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or put another way, who you choose
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.26,0:00:43.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to enter into a long-term,\Ncommitted, monogamous relationship.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.91,0:00:47.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you get that decision wrong,\Nand you end up with the wrong person,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.80,0:00:50.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then that's going to cause you\Nmore unhappiness and distress
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.86,0:00:53.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than any other decision in your life.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.37,0:00:55.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, it's going to be so bad
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.92,0:01:00.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you might as well get a season ticket\Nto my psychiatric clinic.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.94,0:01:03.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.51,0:01:05.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, the survey data suggests
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.91,0:01:09.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that around the world\N99% of the population
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.23,0:01:14.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,desire a single committed,\Nmonogamous, long-term relationship.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.16,0:01:16.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's something that everyone wants,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.24,0:01:20.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so how to get that decision right\Nis extremely important.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.67,0:01:24.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are many different aspects\Nof that decision we could discuss,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.05,0:01:25.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we could talk, for example,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.41,0:01:28.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about how to know\Nwhen you've met the right person.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.72,0:01:30.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But because it's a big\Nand complicated subject,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.93,0:01:33.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to focus just\Non one aspect in the short time
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.74,0:01:35.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've got to talk to you today.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.52,0:01:39.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that aspect is going to be:\Nhow to seduce.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.74,0:01:44.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or to put it in more common\NBritish parlance: how to pull.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.35,0:01:46.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.06,0:01:48.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I became interested in the subject\Nas a psychiatrist,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.74,0:01:51.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I had a moment\Nof epiphany in a clinic.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.79,0:01:55.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was working in the outpatient department\Nat my psychiatric hospital,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.49,0:01:58.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was consulting with a young lady\Nwho was pretty depressed,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.37,0:02:01.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all of a sudden, she announced\Nin the middle of the consultation:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.88,0:02:07.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Dr Persaud, I don't need Prozac,\NI need a boyfriend.'
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.35,0:02:13.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was at that moment that I realized\Nthat more success in relationships
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.20,0:02:16.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would go a long way\Nto improving people's happiness.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.64,0:02:20.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That if we could help people\Nimprove their relationships
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.46,0:02:22.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how they conduct relationships,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.17,0:02:25.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it would go a long way\Nto improving their mental health.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.43,0:02:28.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hence, I got interested\Nin the science of seduction.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.71,0:02:30.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now it's very important you understand
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.56,0:02:32.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that my interest\Nin the science of seduction
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.87,0:02:37.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is purely academic, clinical, scientific.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.26,0:02:39.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have no personal interest\Nin this subject.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.82,0:02:43.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Indeed, before I came this evening\Nto give you this talk,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.13,0:02:46.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my wife said it's very important\Nthat you make sure
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.06,0:02:49.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they don't think\Nyou're some kind of academic geek
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.52,0:02:51.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who started reading\Nabout the science of seduction
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.91,0:02:55.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because you found the whole\Nrelationship thing kind of puzzling.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.37,0:02:58.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When the publishers\Nrang me up for the first time
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.67,0:03:01.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to ask me to write\Nmy first book on seduction,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.43,0:03:03.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I rang my wife, I was very excited.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.46,0:03:06.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, 'Darling, the publishers\Nhave just rung me up,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.01,0:03:07.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they have commissioned me
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.59,0:03:12.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to write the very next book\Nthey want to publish on how to seduce.'
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.87,0:03:17.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There was a distinct silence\Ndown the line, and then my wife said,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.51,0:03:19.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Yes, but why you?'
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.33,0:03:21.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.68,0:03:24.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Which I thought was somewhat harsh.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.56,0:03:27.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other reason why I think\Nseduction is very important
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.21,0:03:30.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that it actually goes to the heart\Nof a huge amount of human happiness.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.94,0:03:33.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, people come to me at my clinic,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.27,0:03:36.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they tell me all about the things\Nthey want from life and the world
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.77,0:03:38.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they are not getting.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.26,0:03:39.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they are very frustrated.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.65,0:03:42.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They may want a date,\Nthey may want a Ferrari in their garage,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.68,0:03:45.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or they may want a million pounds\Nin their bank account.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.33,0:03:48.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They always tell me what they want\Nand what they're not getting.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.43,0:03:50.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What they don't tell me
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.09,0:03:54.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is what they need to give\Nin order to get what they want.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.34,0:03:57.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, at the heart of life\Nis a transaction.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.39,0:04:00.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can get what you want\Nfrom the world and life,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.15,0:04:02.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you have to be able to give something
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.72,0:04:05.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the world wants\Nand you need to give it first.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.72,0:04:07.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to let you into a little secret
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.68,0:04:10.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that all of the most highly effective\Npeople on the planet
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.40,0:04:13.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,already intuitively know, and that is,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.41,0:04:15.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,life is a seduction.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.64,0:04:18.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We need to seduce the world\Nand the people in it
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.51,0:04:22.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and seduce life into giving us\Nthe things that we want.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.45,0:04:24.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in order to seduce successfully,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.45,0:04:28.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we need to make the world the right offer.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.04,0:04:29.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, in a general sense,\N
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.46,0:04:32.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we need to be constantly seducing\Nour friends, our lovers as well,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.98,0:04:37.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but our work colleagues, in a strictly\Nperhaps not erotic sense of the word,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.93,0:04:42.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we need to be seducing them\Ninto giving us the things that we want.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.07,0:04:45.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I know already many of you\Nare going to be a bit disappointed,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.26,0:04:48.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you were sitting there hoping\NI was going to give you some hot tips
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.41,0:04:49.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on how to seduce
Dialogue: 0,0:04:49.62,0:04:54.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in terms of more narrow erotic\Nsense of the word 'seduction'.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.08,0:04:55.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, the good news is,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.23,0:04:58.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,yes, some of the tips\NI'm about to give you will be helpful
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.45,0:05:00.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you came here focused
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.24,0:05:03.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the more narrow erotic sense\Nof the word seduction.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.74,0:05:06.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The bad news is,\Nif you have been sitting here
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.31,0:05:09.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really locked in and focused in\Non getting some hot tips
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.47,0:05:13.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on how to seduce in the more\Nnarrow erotic sense of the word,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:13.46,0:05:16.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,well, that says so much about you.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.36,0:05:18.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.39,0:05:21.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the other thing I want to say\Nbefore I finally reveal these tips
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.56,0:05:24.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is what I like about them\Nis how democratic they are.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.56,0:05:28.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What they kind of say is that anyone\Ncan become more seductive.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.30,0:05:31.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't really matter how hot you look\Nor how cool you are.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.77,0:05:34.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I find that most people\Nseem to have rather low self-esteem
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.79,0:05:36.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when it comes to seduction.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.15,0:05:38.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They kind of think,\NI can't be really seductive.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.72,0:05:41.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's really amazing about the social\Npsychology of seduction is
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.95,0:05:45.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what it says is,\Nanyone can become more seductive,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.14,0:05:47.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and indeed, some of these tips\Nare so powerful
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.49,0:05:51.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can leap ahead of even\Nthe hottest person that you know
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.39,0:05:53.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or the coolest member\Nof your social group
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.40,0:05:56.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and become more seductive than them.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.96,0:06:02.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, the first tip comes from a really\Ninteresting social psychology experiment.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.44,0:06:05.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the social psychology experiment,\Nthe social psychologist,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.36,0:06:07.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,an academic working\Nin the university department,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.67,0:06:11.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,recruits some students\Nto be confederates of the experimenter.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.29,0:06:13.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He sends the students out on a date,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.94,0:06:16.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they invite people to come\Non a date with a student.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.44,0:06:19.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The person invited to come on the date\Nthinks it's just a date,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.92,0:06:23.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but actually, there's a social\Npsychology experiment going on.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.31,0:06:25.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The social psychologist\Ninstructs the student,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.63,0:06:27.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who is the confederate\Nof the experimenter,\N
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.68,0:06:29.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to, throughout the date,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.42,0:06:32.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,agree with everything\Nthe other person is saying.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.88,0:06:34.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then at the end of date,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.07,0:06:37.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's revealed that there was\Na social psychology experiment going on,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.31,0:06:39.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a rating is secured
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.88,0:06:42.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for how attractive\Nthe student confederate was found,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:42.97,0:06:45.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,given how they behaved during the date.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.88,0:06:49.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the first condition of the experiment,\Nthe student confederate goes out
Dialogue: 0,0:06:49.35,0:06:53.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and just agrees with everything\Nthe other person says on the date,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.28,0:06:55.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and an attraction rating\Nis secured in the end,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.50,0:06:58.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and people are found\Nmoderately attractive in that condition.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.76,0:07:00.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the second condition of the experiment,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.90,0:07:03.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the student confederate\Nis sent out on the date
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.29,0:07:08.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and is instructed to disagree\Nwith everything the other person says.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.05,0:07:10.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it goes a bit like this:\N'I really like this restaurant.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.84,0:07:13.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So lovely, what do you think?'\N'No, I don't like it.'
Dialogue: 0,0:07:13.54,0:07:14.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.54,0:07:16.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'This fish was rather nice,\Ndon't you think?'
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.97,0:07:18.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'No, I don't like it.'
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.29,0:07:22.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It comes as no surprise\Nif you spend the whole date doing that,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.41,0:07:24.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,disagreeing with everything\Nthe other person says,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.83,0:07:28.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're not really found\Nvery attractive at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.06,0:07:29.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So far, so obvious.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:30.15,0:07:34.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, the third condition of the experiment\Nis where things get really interesting.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.87,0:07:38.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the third experiment,\Nthe student confederate is sent out
Dialogue: 0,0:07:38.17,0:07:42.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the instruction to spend\Nthe first half of the date
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.06,0:07:44.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,disagreeing with everything\Nthe other person says,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.71,0:07:48.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then to switch and start agreeing\Nfor the second half of the date.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:49.42,0:07:51.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And amazingly enough,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.22,0:07:55.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're found most attractive of all\Nin this condition.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:55.28,0:07:56.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now why is that?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.85,0:07:59.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's rather some complex\Npsychological theories going on
Dialogue: 0,0:07:59.72,0:08:02.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as to what's going on,\Nso I'm going to cut to the chase
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.31,0:08:05.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and give you what I think is\Nthe most profound and important theory.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:05.63,0:08:07.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see the other person on the date
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.37,0:08:11.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,didn't realize there was a Machiavellian\Nmanipulative plot of thought,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.44,0:08:14.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whereby you were watching\Nfor the clock to hit a certain time,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.36,0:08:15.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then you're going to switch.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:15.93,0:08:17.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What their experience of you was
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.48,0:08:20.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you were rather difficult\Nin the first half of the date,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.36,0:08:22.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then you warmed up to them.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.20,0:08:25.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they think they had an impact on you.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.08,0:08:27.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They think they warmed you up.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.35,0:08:30.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there is something\Nabout having an impact
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.13,0:08:31.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is very seductive.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.95,0:08:34.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are many objections\Nto this experiment.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.06,0:08:35.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People always say,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.06,0:08:37.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'I can see that's seductive,\Nbut you're playing a game.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.85,0:08:40.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why can't we just be ourselves?'
Dialogue: 0,0:08:40.76,0:08:44.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, you can just\Nbe yourself if you want,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:44.31,0:08:45.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but be aware of something,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.94,0:08:48.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is that there are\Nmany people out there
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.10,0:08:50.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that are playing the game of life,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.12,0:08:52.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they are playing it rather hard.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.34,0:08:55.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as a result,\Nthey are terrifically successful.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.34,0:08:57.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They are really good in job interviews,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.20,0:08:59.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they're very good\Nas politicians at getting elected.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.28,0:09:03.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So if you are not going to play\Nthe game of life, that's fine,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.22,0:09:05.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but be aware that you\Nmight run into trouble
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.92,0:09:08.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if everyone else\Nis playing the game of life.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.54,0:09:11.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other important idea here is
Dialogue: 0,0:09:11.13,0:09:14.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we can divide relationships\Ninto three key phases:
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.35,0:09:17.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,attention, interest, and maintenance.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.18,0:09:20.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You walk into a bar,\Nyou see a very attractive person, 'Wow!'
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.46,0:09:23.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They've got your attention.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.20,0:09:25.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hopefully, you've got their attention.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:25.47,0:09:27.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then you go over and talk to them,\Nget to know them,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.93,0:09:29.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you're entering the interest phase.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.82,0:09:32.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then, maybe after a few days or weeks,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.29,0:09:34.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you might transition\Ninto the maintenance phase,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.57,0:09:36.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is a long-term commitment.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.93,0:09:39.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, the key point about this idea
Dialogue: 0,0:09:39.86,0:09:44.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that different skills are required\Ndepending on which phase you're in.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.46,0:09:47.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a profoundly important social\Npsychological model
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.66,0:09:50.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in terms of getting a handle on\Nand understanding
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.24,0:09:54.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,business relationships, friendships,\Nand of course, romantic seductions.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.91,0:09:58.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even if you want to reject the attention,\Ninterest, and maintenance phase,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.58,0:10:00.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it is a very powerful model.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.05,0:10:01.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We all know people who we think:
Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.69,0:10:04.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'This is a wonderful person,\Nhow come they are single?'
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.59,0:10:07.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, maybe they\Nare very good at maintenance,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.21,0:10:10.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they are not so good at\Nattention or interest.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.42,0:10:13.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the model is really helpful\Nin diagnosing problems
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.18,0:10:14.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in terms of seduction.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.77,0:10:17.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another point I want to make is,\Neven if you end up
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.37,0:10:20.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a long-term committed relationship\Ndoing maintenance,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:20.18,0:10:24.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if your relationship is going\Nto be successful and last 40 or 50 years,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.14,0:10:28.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I believe you've got to cycle back through\Nattention, interest, and maintenance.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.63,0:10:30.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're going to be\Nconstantly cycling through
Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.73,0:10:32.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a long-term relationship,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.26,0:10:36.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,getting your partner's attention again,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:36.25,0:10:38.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,getting them interested again in you.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.06,0:10:42.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that constant cycling means that life\Nand even long-term committed relationships
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.99,0:10:45.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are a long-term seduction.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.51,0:10:46.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Life is a seduction,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.97,0:10:49.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even long-term marriages\Nare a constant seduction.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.96,0:10:52.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the attention, interest,\Nand maintenance model
Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.31,0:10:55.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is really helpful in understanding that.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.19,0:11:00.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps the most expert exponent\Nof attention, interest, and maintenance
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.38,0:11:01.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was Casanova.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.49,0:11:05.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not least because Casanova\Nwas brilliant at attention and interest,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.66,0:11:07.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but really bad at maintenance.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.44,0:11:11.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Casanova was a real figure,\Nhe lived in the 18th century Venice,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:11.44,0:11:14.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he was an adventurer and a nobleman,\Nand is said to be, perhaps,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:14.77,0:11:17.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the most successful seducer\Nof women in history.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.63,0:11:20.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he's got the final tip\NI want to give you
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.27,0:11:22.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,at the heart of the secret of seduction.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.37,0:11:24.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, many people think\N
Dialogue: 0,0:11:24.64,0:11:27.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that Casanova would walk into a bar\Nin the 18th century Venice,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.91,0:11:31.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,see an attractive member\Nof the opposite sex, and pull like that.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.11,0:11:33.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But actually, that's not true.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.97,0:11:36.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He would walk into a bar\Nand see an attractive woman,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.78,0:11:39.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but then spend many months courting her,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.41,0:11:43.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as was the courtly custom of the day,\Nbefore being finally successful.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:43.53,0:11:46.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there is, by the way,\Nan important lesson for us all.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.19,0:11:49.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you go into a bar tonight,\Nand pull like that,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.19,0:11:52.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm afraid to tell you\Nthat's not really a seduction.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.86,0:11:54.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A seduction is when you meet someone\N
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.64,0:11:57.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who is disinterested in you,\Nor only moderately interested,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.42,0:12:01.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you convert\Nthat interest into rabid desire.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.60,0:12:03.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a seduction.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:03.20,0:12:06.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the problem with the modern world,\Nand websites, Tinder and Apps
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.86,0:12:10.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that it's kind of doing away\Nwith the whole seduction idea,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.50,0:12:15.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we are losing the skill of seduction\Nwith very ominous social implications,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:15.38,0:12:16.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in my opinion.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:17.15,0:12:19.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The story is that Casanova\Nwalks into a bar one night,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:19.95,0:12:23.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sees a gorgeous woman, she's an actress,\Nphysically very desirable,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.75,0:12:26.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,falls immediately\Nin love with her, desires her.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:27.31,0:12:30.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The actress, besides being\Nphysically stunning,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.01,0:12:31.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has an interesting characteristic.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.67,0:12:34.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, she has\Na speech impediment, a lisp.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:34.09,0:12:38.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She can't say words properly\Nthat have the letter R in them.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.61,0:12:41.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Many of you will know\Na famous TV presenter here in Britain
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.54,0:12:44.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,called Jonathan Ross,\Nwhose nickname is Wossy,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.38,0:12:46.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who has a very similar speech impediment.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.41,0:12:49.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He can't say words properly\Nthat have the letter R.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:49.32,0:12:51.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She has this speech impediment.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:51.56,0:12:53.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Without really interacting\Nwith the actress,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.78,0:12:55.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Casanova turns on his heels,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.47,0:12:57.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,goes home and does a mysterious thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:57.99,0:13:01.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He spends the next\Nthree days and nights writing a play.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:01.89,0:13:05.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this play has a very special feature.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.38,0:13:08.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It has no words in it with the letter R.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.67,0:13:11.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Three days and nights later,\Nhe returns to the bar,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.38,0:13:13.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,presents the play to the actress,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.39,0:13:15.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the seduction is successful.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:15.79,0:13:18.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But here is my pop quiz\Npsychology question for you,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:18.83,0:13:21.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you see, what Casanova could've done,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.63,0:13:23.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he could have said
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.12,0:13:26.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'I can't help noticing you've got\Na bit of a speech impediment there.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:13:26.38,0:13:27.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tell you what,\N
Dialogue: 0,0:13:27.64,0:13:31.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll pay for elocution lessons,\NI'll buy you speech therapy.'
Dialogue: 0,0:13:32.03,0:13:33.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No one can deny that speech therapy
Dialogue: 0,0:13:33.86,0:13:36.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is more pragmatically helpful\Nto the poor actress
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.61,0:13:40.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than a play that has no words in it\Nwith the letter R.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.36,0:13:43.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,However, it's the play\Nthat's the seductive move.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.96,0:13:47.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's the play that's sexy. Why is that?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:47.49,0:13:49.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, let's look at between the lines.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.34,0:13:52.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What you are really saying\Nwhen you offer someone speech therapy is,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:52.71,0:13:54.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what you are saying is,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:54.09,0:13:57.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'There is something wrong\Nwith you, it needs fixing.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:57.45,0:14:00.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After it's fixed, then I'll have\Na relationship with you.'
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.99,0:14:02.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's not a very sexy message.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:03.83,0:14:05.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, guess what?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:05.02,0:14:08.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's kind of what we're saying\Nto a lot of people, a lot of the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:08.30,0:14:11.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What does the play with no words\Nwith the letter R say?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.38,0:14:16.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What it says is, 'Don't change a thing! \NYou're perfect as you are.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:16.24,0:14:22.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my job is to help the world recognise\Nthe perfection that I see.'
Dialogue: 0,0:14:22.37,0:14:24.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's a sexy message!
Dialogue: 0,0:14:24.75,0:14:26.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other thing the play does is this.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:26.65,0:14:28.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's terrifically specific,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.15,0:14:31.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the actress knows that Casanova\Nis interested specifically in her.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:31.83,0:14:35.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A lot of young men going on a date,\Nnip into the petrol station
Dialogue: 0,0:14:35.14,0:14:37.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because they've left at the last minute,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.15,0:14:38.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,buy some petrol station flowers,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:38.70,0:14:41.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,present the petrol station flowers\Nto their date with a grand gesture,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.100,0:14:45.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and are somewhat perplexed\Nthat the date is less than overwhelmed
Dialogue: 0,0:14:45.36,0:14:47.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the presentation\Nof petrol station flowers.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:48.34,0:14:52.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, you can't go to a petrol station\Nand buy a play off the self
Dialogue: 0,0:14:52.35,0:14:55.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that has no words in it with the letter R.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.42,0:14:59.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The actress knows that Casanova\Nwas interested in her and no one else.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:59.43,0:15:00.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's specific.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:01.13,0:15:04.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But here is the final point\Nand the most profound message
Dialogue: 0,0:15:04.72,0:15:07.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in terms of the psychology of seduction.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:07.32,0:15:09.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What Casanova has done brilliantly
Dialogue: 0,0:15:09.67,0:15:12.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is, and here is the key catchphrase\Nyou need to remember:
Dialogue: 0,0:15:12.37,0:15:14.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he's filled the unmet need.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:14.79,0:15:19.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The actress has an unmet need for parts\Nthat have no words with the letter R,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:19.77,0:15:22.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and Casanova diagnoses the unmet need,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:22.99,0:15:26.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and meets it more completely\Nthan it's ever been met before.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:26.79,0:15:29.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you find someone's unmet need
Dialogue: 0,0:15:29.96,0:15:32.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and fill it in a way\Nit's never been filled before,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:32.83,0:15:35.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you will be successful in seducing them.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:35.96,0:15:39.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So your mission is a two-pronged attack.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:39.16,0:15:41.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You've got to find out the unmet need,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:41.27,0:15:44.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then you have to fill it\Nin a way that's never been filled before.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:44.58,0:15:47.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can sense immediately\Nthat you have a lot of questions.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.29,0:15:49.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'How do we find out the unmet need?\NHow do we fill it?'
Dialogue: 0,0:15:49.88,0:15:51.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I apologize I've I run out of time,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:51.75,0:15:54.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I won't be able\Nto answer those questions.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:54.54,0:15:58.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But ... is it possible\Nthat leaving you wanting more
Dialogue: 0,0:15:58.28,0:16:00.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is a kind of seduction?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:00.14,0:16:01.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you very much.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:01.47,0:16:04.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applauses) (Cheers)