[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.75,0:00:04.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a student of adversity,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.19,0:00:05.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've been struck over the years
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.70,0:00:07.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by how some people
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.69,0:00:09.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with major challenges
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.10,0:00:12.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,seem to draw strength from them,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.15,0:00:14.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I've heard the popular wisdom
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.04,0:00:16.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that that has to do with finding meaning.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.37,0:00:18.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And for a long time,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.02,0:00:20.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought the meaning was out there,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.53,0:00:23.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some great truth waiting to be found.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.54,0:00:26.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But over time, I've come to feel
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.10,0:00:28.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that the truth is irrelevant.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.13,0:00:30.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We call it finding meaning,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.72,0:00:34.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we might better call it forging meaning.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.84,0:00:36.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My last book was about how families
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.91,0:00:39.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,manage to deal with various kinds of challenging
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.84,0:00:41.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or unusual offspring,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.91,0:00:44.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and one of the mothers I interviewed,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.10,0:00:47.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who had two children with\Nmultiple severe disabilities,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.28,0:00:49.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,said to me, "People always give us
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.82,0:00:51.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these little sayings like,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.67,0:00:55.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'God doesn't give you any\Nmore than you can handle,'
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.50,0:00:57.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but children like ours
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.01,0:01:01.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are not preordained as a gift.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.11,0:01:06.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're a gift because that's what we have chosen."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.05,0:01:10.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We make those choices all our lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.77,0:01:13.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was in second grade,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.04,0:01:15.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Bobby Finkel had a birthday party
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.80,0:01:20.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and invited everyone in our class but me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.32,0:01:22.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My mother assumed there\Nhad been some sort of error,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.54,0:01:24.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and she called Mrs. Finkel,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.43,0:01:26.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who said that Bobby didn't like me
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.77,0:01:29.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and didn't want me at his party.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.92,0:01:32.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that day, my mom took me to the zoo
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.85,0:01:35.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and out for a hot fudge sundae.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.87,0:01:37.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was in seventh grade,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.72,0:01:40.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one of the kids on my school bus
Dialogue: 0,0:01:40.05,0:01:41.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,nicknamed me "Percy"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.98,0:01:44.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a shorthand for my demeanor,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.68,0:01:47.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and sometimes, he and his cohort
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.78,0:01:49.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would chant that provocation
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.85,0:01:51.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the entire school bus ride,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.72,0:01:55.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,45 minutes up, 45 minutes back,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.54,0:02:00.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Percy! Percy! Percy! Percy!"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.07,0:02:02.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I was in eighth grade,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.05,0:02:04.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our science teacher told us
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.70,0:02:06.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that all male homosexuals
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.34,0:02:08.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,develop fecal incontinence
Dialogue: 0,0:02:08.57,0:02:12.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because of the trauma to their anal sphincter.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.98,0:02:14.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I graduated high school
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.77,0:02:17.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without ever going to the cafeteria,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.59,0:02:19.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where I would have sat with the girls
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.31,0:02:21.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and been laughed at for doing so,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.55,0:02:23.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or sat with the boys
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.24,0:02:24.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and been laughed at for being a boy
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.87,0:02:27.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who should be sitting with the girls.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.68,0:02:30.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I survived that childhood through a mix
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.56,0:02:33.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of avoidance and endurance.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.10,0:02:35.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I didn't know then,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.22,0:02:36.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and do know now,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.84,0:02:39.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that avoidance and endurance
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.22,0:02:43.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can be the entryway to forging meaning.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.91,0:02:46.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After you've forged meaning,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.18,0:02:48.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you need to incorporate that meaning
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.40,0:02:50.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into a new identity.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.51,0:02:53.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You need to take the traumas and make them part
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.88,0:02:56.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of who you've come to be,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.10,0:02:58.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you need to fold the worst events of your life
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.84,0:03:01.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into a narrative of triumph,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.04,0:03:02.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,evincing a better self
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.92,0:03:06.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in response to things that hurt.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.47,0:03:08.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the other mothers I interviewed
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.22,0:03:10.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I was working on my book
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.37,0:03:12.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had been raped as an adolescent,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.87,0:03:15.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and had a child following that rape,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.85,0:03:18.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which had thrown away her career plans
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.80,0:03:22.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and damaged all of her emotional relationships.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.85,0:03:26.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But when I met her, she was 50,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.06,0:03:27.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I said to her,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.28,0:03:29.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Do you often think about the man who raped you?"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.93,0:03:34.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said, "I used to think about him with anger,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.39,0:03:36.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but now only with pity."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.62,0:03:38.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I thought she meant pity because he was
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.88,0:03:42.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so unevolved as to have done this terrible thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.58,0:03:44.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said, "Pity?"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.14,0:03:45.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said, "Yes,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.71,0:03:48.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because he has a beautiful daughter
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.34,0:03:50.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and two beautiful grandchildren
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.57,0:03:54.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he doesn't know that, and I do.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.35,0:04:00.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So as it turns out, I'm the lucky one."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.27,0:04:03.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some of our struggles are things we're born to:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.58,0:04:09.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our gender, our sexuality, our race, our disability.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:09.09,0:04:11.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And some are things that happen to us:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.32,0:04:15.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,being a political prisoner, being a rape victim,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.18,0:04:17.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,being a Katrina survivor.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.37,0:04:20.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Identity involves entering a community
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.66,0:04:23.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to draw strength from that community,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.04,0:04:25.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to give strength there too.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.44,0:04:29.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It involves substituting "and" for "but" --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.93,0:04:34.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not "I am here but I have cancer,"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.28,0:04:39.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but rather, "I have cancer and I am here."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.56,0:04:41.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we're ashamed,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.37,0:04:43.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can't tell our stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.34,0:04:48.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and stories are the foundation of identity.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.17,0:04:51.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Forge meaning, build identity,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.94,0:04:55.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,forge meaning and build identity.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.68,0:04:57.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That became my mantra.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.98,0:05:01.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Forging meaning is about changing yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.70,0:05:05.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Building identity is about changing the world.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.15,0:05:07.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All of us with stigmatized identities
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.79,0:05:09.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,face this question daily:
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.73,0:05:12.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how much to accommodate society
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.08,0:05:14.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by constraining ourselves,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.27,0:05:17.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how much to break the limits
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.10,0:05:19.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of what constitutes a valid life?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.87,0:05:23.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Forging meaning and building identity
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.38,0:05:26.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,does not make what was wrong right.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.15,0:05:30.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It only makes what was wrong precious.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.82,0:05:33.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In January of this year,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.02,0:05:37.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went to Myanmar to interview political prisoners,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.35,0:05:39.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was surprised to find them less bitter
Dialogue: 0,0:05:39.85,0:05:41.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than I'd anticipated.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.65,0:05:43.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Most of them had knowingly committed
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.51,0:05:46.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the offenses that landed them in prison,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.13,0:05:49.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they had walked in with their heads held high,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.41,0:05:51.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they walked out with their heads
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.76,0:05:55.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,still held high, many years later.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:55.56,0:05:58.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dr. Ma Thida, a leading human rights activist
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.76,0:06:00.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who had nearly died in prison
Dialogue: 0,0:06:00.52,0:06:03.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and had spent many years in solitary confinement,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.41,0:06:06.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,told me she was grateful to her jailers
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.86,0:06:09.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the time she had had to think,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.80,0:06:11.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the wisdom she had gained,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:11.57,0:06:15.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the chance to hone her meditation skills.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.61,0:06:17.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She had sought meaning
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.18,0:06:21.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and made her travail into a crucial identity.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.06,0:06:22.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if the people I met
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.89,0:06:25.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were less bitter than I'd anticipated
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.07,0:06:26.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about being in prison,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.67,0:06:29.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they were also less thrilled than I'd expected
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.53,0:06:31.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about the reform process going on
Dialogue: 0,0:06:31.52,0:06:33.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in their country.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.17,0:06:34.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ma Thida said,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.84,0:06:36.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"We Burmese are noted
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.48,0:06:39.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for our tremendous grace under pressure,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.95,0:06:44.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we also have grievance under glamour,"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.29,0:06:46.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she said, "and the fact that there have been
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.69,0:06:48.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,these shifts and changes
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.03,0:06:50.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doesn't erase the continuing problems
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.34,0:06:51.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in our society
Dialogue: 0,0:06:51.83,0:06:54.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we learned to see so well
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.31,0:06:56.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,while we were in prison."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.24,0:06:58.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I understood her to be saying
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.40,0:07:01.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that concessions confer only a little humanity,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.86,0:07:04.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where full humanity is due,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.12,0:07:06.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that crumbs are not the same
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.37,0:07:08.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as a place at the table,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.40,0:07:10.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is to say you can forge meaning
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.100,0:07:17.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and build identity and still be mad as hell.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.44,0:07:19.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've never been raped,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.10,0:07:22.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I've never been in anything\Nremotely approaching
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.16,0:07:23.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a Burmese prison,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.89,0:07:25.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but as a gay American,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.77,0:07:29.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've experienced prejudice and even hatred,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.80,0:07:34.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I've forged meaning and I've built identity,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.35,0:07:36.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is a move I learned from people
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.70,0:07:39.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who had experienced far worse privation
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.22,0:07:41.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than I've ever known.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.78,0:07:43.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In my own adolescence,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.45,0:07:46.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went to extreme lengths to try to be straight.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.94,0:07:48.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I enrolled myself in something called
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.89,0:07:51.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sexual surrogacy therapy,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.05,0:07:54.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in which people I was encouraged to call doctors
Dialogue: 0,0:07:54.87,0:07:58.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,prescribed what I was encouraged to call exercises
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.71,0:08:02.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with women I was encouraged to call surrogates,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:02.46,0:08:04.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who were not exactly prostitutes
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.95,0:08:07.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but who were also not exactly anything else.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:07.88,0:08:12.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.36,0:08:14.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My particular favorite
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.08,0:08:16.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was a blonde woman from the Deep South
Dialogue: 0,0:08:16.38,0:08:18.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who eventually admitted to me
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.24,0:08:20.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that she was really a necrophiliac
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.58,0:08:23.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and had taken this job after she got in trouble
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.38,0:08:25.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,down at the morgue.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.33,0:08:29.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.48,0:08:34.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These experiences eventually allowed me to have
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.33,0:08:37.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some happy physical relationships with women,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.12,0:08:38.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for which I'm grateful,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.64,0:08:41.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I was at war with myself,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.36,0:08:46.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I dug terrible wounds into my own psyche.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.20,0:08:49.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We don't seek the painful experiences
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.42,0:08:52.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that hew our identities,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.10,0:08:53.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we seek our identities
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.91,0:08:57.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the wake of painful experiences.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.34,0:09:00.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We cannot bear a pointless torment,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.23,0:09:02.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we can endure great pain
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.73,0:09:05.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if we believe that it's purposeful.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.90,0:09:08.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ease makes less of an impression on us
Dialogue: 0,0:09:08.16,0:09:09.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than struggle.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.64,0:09:12.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We could have been ourselves without our delights,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.10,0:09:14.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but not without the misfortunes
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.38,0:09:17.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that drive our search for meaning.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.21,0:09:20.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Therefore, I take pleasure in infirmities,"
Dialogue: 0,0:09:20.99,0:09:23.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,St. Paul wrote in Second Corinthians,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.27,0:09:27.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"for when I am weak, then I am strong."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:27.79,0:09:30.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In 1988, I went to Moscow
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.74,0:09:33.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to interview artists of the Soviet underground,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:33.85,0:09:35.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I expected their work to be
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.72,0:09:38.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,dissident and political.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.18,0:09:41.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the radicalism in their work actually lay
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.24,0:09:44.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in reinserting humanity into a society
Dialogue: 0,0:09:44.16,0:09:46.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that was annihilating humanity itself,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.34,0:09:49.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as, in some senses, Russian society
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.13,0:09:50.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is now doing again.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.100,0:09:53.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the artists I met said to me,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.58,0:09:57.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"We were in training to be not artists but angels."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.100,0:10:01.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In 1991, I went back to see the artists
Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.15,0:10:02.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd been writing about,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.63,0:10:04.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was with them during the putsch
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.78,0:10:06.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that ended the Soviet Union,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.54,0:10:08.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they were among the chief organizers
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.83,0:10:11.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the resistance to that putsch.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.86,0:10:15.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And on the third day of the putsch,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.27,0:10:18.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one of them suggested we walk up to Smolenskaya.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:18.31,0:10:19.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And we went there,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.60,0:10:22.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we arranged ourselves in\Nfront of one of the barricades,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.85,0:10:24.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a little while later,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.61,0:10:26.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a column of tanks rolled up,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.87,0:10:28.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the soldier on the front tank said,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.91,0:10:31.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"We have unconditional orders
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.11,0:10:32.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to destroy this barricade.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.72,0:10:34.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you get out of the way,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.38,0:10:35.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we don't need to hurt you,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:35.94,0:10:37.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but if you won't move, we'll have no choice
Dialogue: 0,0:10:37.82,0:10:39.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but to run you down."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:39.53,0:10:41.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the artists I was with said,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:41.38,0:10:42.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Give us just a minute.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.79,0:10:47.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Give us just a minute to tell you why we're here."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:47.14,0:10:49.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the soldier folded his arms,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.19,0:10:53.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the artist launched into a\NJeffersonian panegyric to democracy
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.79,0:10:55.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,such as those of us who live
Dialogue: 0,0:10:55.65,0:10:57.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in a Jeffersonian democracy
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.57,0:11:00.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would be hard-pressed to present.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:00.87,0:11:02.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they went on and on,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.62,0:11:04.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the soldier watched,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:04.63,0:11:06.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then he sat there for a full minute
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.36,0:11:07.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,after they were finished
Dialogue: 0,0:11:07.86,0:11:10.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and looked at us so bedraggled in the rain,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.64,0:11:14.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and said, "What you have said is true,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:14.32,0:11:17.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we must bow to the will of the people.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.94,0:11:20.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you'll clear enough space for us to turn around,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.41,0:11:22.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we'll go back the way we came."
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.86,0:11:25.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's what they did.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.01,0:11:27.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sometimes, forging meaning
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.23,0:11:29.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,can give you the vocabulary you need
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.85,0:11:33.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to fight for your ultimate freedom.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.10,0:11:36.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Russia awakened me to the lemonade notion
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.26,0:11:38.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that oppression breeds the power to oppose it,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:38.81,0:11:42.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I gradually understood that as the cornerstone
Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.24,0:11:43.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of identity.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:43.77,0:11:48.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It took identity to rescue me from sadness.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:48.46,0:11:50.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The gay rights movement posits a world
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.58,0:11:53.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in which my aberrances are a victory.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.43,0:11:57.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Identity politics always works on two fronts:
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.05,0:12:00.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to give pride to people who have a given condition
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.11,0:12:01.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or characteristic,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.57,0:12:03.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to cause the outside world
Dialogue: 0,0:12:03.24,0:12:06.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to treat such people more gently and more kindly.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.77,0:12:10.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those are two totally separate enterprises,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:10.29,0:12:12.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but progress in each sphere
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.11,0:12:14.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,reverberates in the other.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.47,0:12:18.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Identity politics can be narcissistic.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.22,0:12:21.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People extol a difference only because it's theirs.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:21.55,0:12:23.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People narrow the world and function
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.95,0:12:26.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in discrete groups without empathy for one another.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:26.100,0:12:29.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But properly understood
Dialogue: 0,0:12:29.48,0:12:31.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and wisely practiced,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.40,0:12:33.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,identity politics should expand
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.40,0:12:35.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our idea of what it is to be human.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.92,0:12:37.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Identity itself
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.64,0:12:40.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,should be not a smug label
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.19,0:12:42.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or a gold medal
Dialogue: 0,0:12:42.27,0:12:44.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but a revolution.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.75,0:12:48.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would have had an easier life if I were straight,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:48.31,0:12:50.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I would not be me,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.11,0:12:52.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I now like being myself better
Dialogue: 0,0:12:52.78,0:12:54.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than the idea of being someone else,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.83,0:12:56.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,someone who, to be honest,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:56.48,0:12:58.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have neither the option of being
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.56,0:13:01.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,nor the ability fully to imagine.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:01.04,0:13:03.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if you banish the dragons,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:03.19,0:13:05.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you banish the heroes,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.75,0:13:07.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we become attached
Dialogue: 0,0:13:07.30,0:13:10.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the heroic strain in our own lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:10.42,0:13:11.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've sometimes wondered
Dialogue: 0,0:13:11.70,0:13:14.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether I could have ceased\Nto hate that part of myself
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.49,0:13:17.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,without gay pride's technicolor fiesta,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:17.07,0:13:21.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of which this speech is one manifestation.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.57,0:13:24.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I used to think I would know myself to be mature
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.46,0:13:27.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I could simply be gay without emphasis,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:27.32,0:13:31.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the self-loathing of that period left a void,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.23,0:13:34.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and celebration needs to fill and overflow it,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.96,0:13:38.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and even if I repay my private debt of melancholy,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:38.66,0:13:41.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's still an outer world of homophobia
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.41,0:13:44.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that it will take decades to address.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:44.30,0:13:47.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Someday, being gay will be a simple fact,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:47.62,0:13:50.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,free of party hats and blame,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:50.47,0:13:51.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but not yet.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:51.98,0:13:54.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A friend of mine who thought gay pride
Dialogue: 0,0:13:54.73,0:13:56.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was getting very carried away with itself,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:56.65,0:13:58.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,once suggested that we organize
Dialogue: 0,0:13:58.21,0:14:00.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gay Humility Week.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.23,0:14:04.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:14:06.64,0:14:08.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a great idea,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:08.84,0:14:11.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but its time has not yet come.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.27,0:14:13.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:14:13.25,0:14:15.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And neutrality, which seems to lie
Dialogue: 0,0:14:15.45,0:14:18.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,halfway between despair and celebration,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.20,0:14:21.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is actually the endgame.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:21.39,0:14:23.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In 29 states in the U.S.,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:23.91,0:14:27.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could legally be fired or denied housing
Dialogue: 0,0:14:27.17,0:14:29.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for being gay.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:29.34,0:14:31.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In Russia, the anti-propaganda law
Dialogue: 0,0:14:31.96,0:14:34.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has led to people being beaten in the streets.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:34.94,0:14:36.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Twenty-seven African countries
Dialogue: 0,0:14:36.99,0:14:39.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have passed laws against sodomy,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:39.89,0:14:42.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and in Nigeria, gay people can legally
Dialogue: 0,0:14:42.13,0:14:43.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,be stoned to death,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:43.59,0:14:46.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and lynchings have become common.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:46.28,0:14:49.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In Saudi Arabia recently, two men
Dialogue: 0,0:14:49.37,0:14:51.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who had been caught in carnal acts,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:51.27,0:14:55.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were sentenced to 7,000 lashes each,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:55.94,0:14:59.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and are now permanently disabled as a result.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:59.34,0:15:01.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So who can forge meaning
Dialogue: 0,0:15:01.21,0:15:03.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and build identity?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:03.99,0:15:07.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gay rights are not primarily marriage rights,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:07.32,0:15:10.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and for the millions who live in unaccepting places
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.25,0:15:12.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with no resources,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:12.43,0:15:14.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,dignity remains elusive.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:14.91,0:15:17.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I am lucky to have forged meaning
Dialogue: 0,0:15:17.92,0:15:19.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and built identity,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:19.99,0:15:22.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that's still a rare privilege,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:22.28,0:15:25.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and gay people deserve more collectively
Dialogue: 0,0:15:25.11,0:15:28.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than the crumbs of justice.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:28.55,0:15:31.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yet, every step forward
Dialogue: 0,0:15:31.60,0:15:33.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is so sweet.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:33.67,0:15:37.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In 2007, six years after we met,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:37.32,0:15:39.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my partner and I decided
Dialogue: 0,0:15:39.38,0:15:41.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get married.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:41.11,0:15:43.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Meeting John had been the discovery
Dialogue: 0,0:15:43.29,0:15:45.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of great happiness
Dialogue: 0,0:15:45.15,0:15:48.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and also the elimination of great unhappiness,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:48.25,0:15:50.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and sometimes, I was so occupied
Dialogue: 0,0:15:50.86,0:15:53.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with the disappearance of all that pain
Dialogue: 0,0:15:53.36,0:15:55.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I forgot about the joy,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:55.72,0:15:59.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which was at first the less\Nremarkable part of it to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:59.46,0:16:02.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Marrying was a way to declare our love
Dialogue: 0,0:16:02.16,0:16:06.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as more a presence than an absence.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:06.15,0:16:08.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Marriage soon led us to children,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:08.60,0:16:10.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that meant new meanings
Dialogue: 0,0:16:10.21,0:16:14.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and new identities, ours and theirs.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:14.46,0:16:17.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want my children to be happy,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:17.39,0:16:21.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I love them most achingly when they are sad.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:21.17,0:16:23.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a gay father, I can teach them
Dialogue: 0,0:16:23.85,0:16:26.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to own what is wrong in their lives,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:26.53,0:16:28.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I believe that if I succeed
Dialogue: 0,0:16:28.32,0:16:30.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in sheltering them from adversity,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:30.64,0:16:33.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I will have failed as a parent.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:33.53,0:16:36.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A Buddhist scholar I know once explained to me
Dialogue: 0,0:16:36.60,0:16:38.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that Westerners mistakenly think
Dialogue: 0,0:16:38.57,0:16:40.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that nirvana is what arrives
Dialogue: 0,0:16:40.92,0:16:43.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when all your woe is behind you
Dialogue: 0,0:16:43.66,0:16:46.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you have only bliss to look forward to.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:46.90,0:16:49.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But he said that would not be nirvana,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:49.07,0:16:50.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because your bliss in the present
Dialogue: 0,0:16:50.58,0:16:54.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would always be shadowed by the joy from the past.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:54.58,0:16:57.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nirvana, he said, is what you arrive at
Dialogue: 0,0:16:57.41,0:16:59.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you have only bliss to look forward to
Dialogue: 0,0:16:59.79,0:17:02.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and find in what looked like sorrows
Dialogue: 0,0:17:02.27,0:17:05.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the seedlings of your joy.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:05.13,0:17:06.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I sometimes wonder
Dialogue: 0,0:17:06.84,0:17:09.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether I could have found such fulfillment
Dialogue: 0,0:17:09.23,0:17:10.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in marriage and children
Dialogue: 0,0:17:10.69,0:17:12.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if they'd come more readily,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:12.74,0:17:16.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if I'd been straight in my youth or were young now,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:16.77,0:17:20.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in either of which cases this might be easier.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:20.19,0:17:21.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps I could.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:21.77,0:17:24.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Perhaps all the complex imagining I've done
Dialogue: 0,0:17:24.11,0:17:26.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,could have been applied to other topics.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:26.24,0:17:27.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if seeking meaning
Dialogue: 0,0:17:27.88,0:17:29.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,matters more than finding meaning,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:29.74,0:17:33.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the question is not whether I'd be happier
Dialogue: 0,0:17:33.10,0:17:34.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for having been bullied,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:34.65,0:17:36.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but whether assigning meaning
Dialogue: 0,0:17:36.32,0:17:38.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to those experiences
Dialogue: 0,0:17:38.05,0:17:40.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has made me a better father.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:40.47,0:17:44.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I tend to find the ecstasy hidden in ordinary joys,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:44.48,0:17:46.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I did not expect those joys
Dialogue: 0,0:17:46.44,0:17:48.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be ordinary to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:48.96,0:17:50.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know many heterosexuals who have
Dialogue: 0,0:17:50.78,0:17:53.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,equally happy marriages and families,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:53.05,0:17:55.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but gay marriage is so breathtakingly fresh,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:55.91,0:17:59.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and gay families so exhilaratingly new,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:59.21,0:18:03.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I found meaning in that surprise.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:03.47,0:18:06.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In October, it was my 50th birthday,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:06.91,0:18:10.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my family organized a party for me,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:10.13,0:18:11.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and in the middle of it,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:11.62,0:18:13.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my son said to my husband
Dialogue: 0,0:18:13.03,0:18:14.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that he wanted to make a speech,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:14.70,0:18:15.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and John said,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:15.69,0:18:20.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"George, you can't make a speech. You're four."
Dialogue: 0,0:18:20.32,0:18:21.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:18:21.83,0:18:24.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Only Grandpa and Uncle David and I
Dialogue: 0,0:18:24.17,0:18:26.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are going to make speeches tonight."
Dialogue: 0,0:18:26.22,0:18:29.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But George insisted and insisted,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:29.12,0:18:32.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and finally, John took him up to the microphone,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:32.12,0:18:35.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and George said very loudly,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:35.18,0:18:37.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Ladies and gentlemen,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:37.62,0:18:40.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,may I have your attention please."
Dialogue: 0,0:18:40.20,0:18:42.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And everyone turned around, startled.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:42.92,0:18:45.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And George said,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:45.03,0:18:47.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm glad it's Daddy's birthday.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:47.36,0:18:50.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm glad we all get cake.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:50.80,0:18:53.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And daddy, if you were little,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:53.96,0:18:57.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd be your friend."
Dialogue: 0,0:18:57.77,0:19:00.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I thought — Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:00.60,0:19:02.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought that I was indebted
Dialogue: 0,0:19:02.90,0:19:04.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even to Bobby Finkel,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:04.70,0:19:07.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because all those earlier experiences
Dialogue: 0,0:19:07.43,0:19:09.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were what had propelled me to this moment,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:09.80,0:19:12.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was finally unconditionally grateful
Dialogue: 0,0:19:12.33,0:19:16.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for a life I'd once have done anything to change.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:16.11,0:19:18.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The gay activist Harvey Milk
Dialogue: 0,0:19:18.15,0:19:20.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was once asked by a younger gay man
Dialogue: 0,0:19:20.68,0:19:22.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what he could do to help the movement,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:22.90,0:19:24.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and Harvey Milk said,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:24.31,0:19:26.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Go out and tell someone."
Dialogue: 0,0:19:26.72,0:19:29.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's always somebody who wants to confiscate
Dialogue: 0,0:19:29.34,0:19:30.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our humanity,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:30.95,0:19:33.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and there are always stories that restore it.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:33.74,0:19:35.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If we live out loud,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:35.32,0:19:36.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we can trounce the hatred
Dialogue: 0,0:19:36.98,0:19:40.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and expand everyone's lives.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:40.40,0:19:44.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Forge meaning. Build identity.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:44.02,0:19:46.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Forge meaning.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:46.09,0:19:48.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Build identity.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:48.84,0:19:50.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then invite the world
Dialogue: 0,0:19:50.64,0:19:52.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to share your joy.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:52.33,0:19:55.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:55.58,0:19:57.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:19:57.01,0:20:00.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you. (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:20:00.08,0:20:04.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you. (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:20:04.18,0:20:08.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you. (Applause)