0:00:00.880,0:00:02.240 A lot of times in my paintings 0:00:02.240,0:00:05.040 you might see a shape that looks like a vagina, 0:00:05.040,0:00:07.440 but upon closer inspection, it might also be 0:00:08.080,0:00:09.520 a penis with balls. 0:00:10.400,0:00:13.268 You know, I don't know how much of [br]this you're going to want to put in. 0:00:17.840,0:00:23.789 My work is an expression of my core sensuality. 0:00:24.240,0:00:27.440 I'm a body experiencing desire, 0:00:27.440,0:00:29.920 experiencing pleasure. 0:00:29.920,0:00:33.680 It is sensual and needy 0:00:33.680,0:00:35.880 and dirty and expressive. 0:00:36.480,0:00:39.200 I'm a body that is pregnant, 0:00:40.640,0:00:43.090 but isn't necessarily 0:00:43.090,0:00:47.840 the woman or the pregnant body [br]that society may put onto me. 0:00:49.120,0:00:53.120 I'm experiencing pleasure and [br]pain that anyone can experience, 0:00:53.120,0:00:55.842 and that's what I'm putting into the work. 0:00:57.840,0:01:03.342 ["Loie Hollowell's Transcendent Bodies"] 0:01:07.520,0:01:09.840 It's nine months later. 0:01:09.840,0:01:14.240 I've had my baby at home, Juniper. 0:01:14.240,0:01:16.618 She's now six months old. 0:01:16.618,0:01:18.596 I gave birth in the pandemic. 0:01:19.040,0:01:22.320 And I'm back in the studio. 0:01:22.320,0:01:26.720 And some things have changed in the world. 0:01:29.920,0:01:33.919 I think around the age of seven or eight 0:01:34.160,0:01:37.520 my dad gave me my own studio. 0:01:37.520,0:01:38.898 It was a closet. 0:01:39.113,0:01:42.880 He set me all up in there with a little easel 0:01:42.880,0:01:44.283 and a fresh canvas. 0:01:45.120,0:01:48.080 I can remember the space so clearly. 0:01:48.080,0:01:51.600 To have my own room next to my dad's 0:01:51.600,0:01:56.160 and next to my mom's was pretty transformative. 0:01:56.160,0:02:00.320 I've always centered myself [br]back into painting and drawing 0:02:01.360,0:02:05.642 because of him giving me that space so early on. 0:02:09.120,0:02:13.701 Color and light are central [br]characters in my painting practice. 0:02:15.200,0:02:17.360 When I look at my work over the years, 0:02:17.360,0:02:20.640 there's just this real [br]strong sense of chiaroscuro-- 0:02:20.640,0:02:22.909 light to dark forming space. 0:02:24.400,0:02:28.094 I grew up in California surrounded [br]by Light and Space artists. 0:02:28.800,0:02:31.200 Robert Irwin and his beautiful discs, 0:02:31.200,0:02:33.938 with this line in between. 0:02:34.400,0:02:37.040 Experiencing pure light, 0:02:37.040,0:02:38.349 pure space, 0:02:38.960,0:02:40.629 pure emotion. 0:02:45.280,0:02:48.720 There's always that hunting, 0:02:49.600,0:02:54.880 that searching for a light-filled experience, 0:02:54.880,0:02:57.120 even if it's a dark subject matter, 0:02:57.120,0:03:00.170 or an undescribable subject matter. 0:03:10.160,0:03:15.280 Around my late twenties, I got pregnant 0:03:15.280,0:03:18.112 and I did not want to keep the baby. 0:03:18.560,0:03:20.785 I had an abortion. 0:03:20.960,0:03:24.021 Planned Parenthood was amazing and wonderful. 0:03:24.640,0:03:26.080 The emotional experience 0:03:26.080,0:03:31.120 and the fallout of the relationship [br]was pretty emotionally intense. 0:03:31.120,0:03:33.716 I wanted to figure out how [br]to make paintings about it. 0:03:35.920,0:03:41.600 I started making, basically, [br]portraits of my vagina and ovaries, 0:03:41.600,0:03:45.840 trying to depict the experience [br]of having the abortion. 0:03:46.720,0:03:49.760 I realized the abstraction can hold within it 0:03:49.760,0:03:52.792 that sensation or that emotion 0:03:53.440,0:03:55.520 by its color, its composition, 0:03:55.520,0:03:57.569 its texture. 0:04:04.960,0:04:08.080 When I started diving deep into 0:04:08.080,0:04:11.360 creating three-dimensional spaces on my paintings, 0:04:11.360,0:04:13.600 I was now having to deal with 0:04:13.600,0:04:16.240 illusory space and real space-- 0:04:16.240,0:04:18.720 constructed shadow and constructed light 0:04:18.720,0:04:21.054 versus real light and real shadow. 0:04:23.840,0:04:31.760 --Issues we've had with this milling [br]before is they haven't had enough layers on 0:04:31.760,0:04:34.720 --and you've seen the mill lines come through. 0:04:34.720,0:04:38.240 --So recently, Alicia has [br]been putting more layers on. 0:04:38.240,0:04:40.800 --That's what I'm feeling right now, 0:04:40.800,0:04:43.280 --when you close your eyes [br]and you feel that consistent, 0:04:44.240,0:04:45.760 --smooth texture. 0:04:47.280,0:04:48.180 --That's it! 0:04:52.480,0:04:55.000 --Yup, this one is good! 0:04:58.640,0:05:02.800 What I've found that I love [br]about having a painting 0:05:02.800,0:05:05.370 that in reality is a sculpture 0:05:05.840,0:05:08.720 is that it changes within each context, 0:05:09.280,0:05:12.025 within each space that it's hung. 0:05:36.240,0:05:38.880 A transition really happened for me when 0:05:38.880,0:05:41.737 the governor put the stay-at-home order in place. 0:05:43.120,0:05:45.200 I was about to give birth also, 0:05:45.200,0:05:48.960 so I brought a bunch of [br]pastels and pastel paper home 0:05:48.960,0:05:51.321 and just started drawing at home. 0:05:52.320,0:05:55.600 I was trying to visualize my second birth, 0:05:55.600,0:05:57.120 of my daughter, 0:05:57.120,0:05:59.600 and move into that space somehow 0:05:59.600,0:06:02.138 to start accepting the pain. 0:06:02.400,0:06:05.840 Like, the insane place that your brain goes. 0:06:06.560,0:06:09.520 So I was making drawings of my brain space 0:06:09.520,0:06:10.720 and my belly space 0:06:10.720,0:06:13.920 and the opening of my cervix. 0:06:13.920,0:06:18.568 Those drawings are leading me into this new path. 0:06:20.560,0:06:23.920 I'm beginning to actually take casts 0:06:24.880,0:06:27.120 that I made of myself when I was pregnant, 0:06:27.120,0:06:29.840 and friends of mine when they've been pregnant, 0:06:29.840,0:06:32.939 and putting them onto the surface of the painting. 0:06:33.920,0:06:38.185 When I start feeling really stuck in one place, 0:06:39.280,0:06:40.701 I need to change, 0:06:40.701,0:06:43.440 and that's where I'm seeing [br]and demanding the shift 0:06:43.440,0:06:46.160 of geometric, simple shapes 0:06:46.160,0:06:48.367 into the reality of my body. 0:06:54.560,0:06:58.240 After my mom had given birth to my second sister, 0:06:58.240,0:07:00.000 we were at a gas station 0:07:00.000,0:07:02.000 and I was in the back seat of the car. 0:07:02.000,0:07:04.749 I remember watching her fill up the gas tank. 0:07:05.200,0:07:09.440 Her shirt started being covered with water. 0:07:09.440,0:07:11.200 I was like, "What is going on?" 0:07:11.200,0:07:12.720 And she was leaking-- 0:07:12.720,0:07:14.080 she was letting-down-- 0:07:14.080,0:07:16.567 because my sister was crying next to me. 0:07:16.880,0:07:20.000 Her shirt was being covered in milk. 0:07:22.800,0:07:26.723 There's these little things that we [br]can buy to prevent that from happening. 0:07:27.360,0:07:30.080 But that was such a beautiful experience 0:07:30.080,0:07:32.763 and it's something that I want to make art about. 0:07:36.400,0:07:40.937 Really having the space to question [br]what it is I'm making and why 0:07:40.937,0:07:42.640 has really put all of these things 0:07:42.640,0:07:45.654 I felt that I had language for 0:07:46.400,0:07:47.516 into question. 0:07:48.240,0:07:49.280 "Why bright colors?" 0:07:50.800,0:07:52.240 "Why high contrast?" 0:07:53.360,0:07:54.960 "Why geometric forms?" 0:07:54.960,0:07:56.560 I think these are all questions, 0:07:57.600,0:08:00.000 as artists, we have to continue to ask ourselves. 0:08:00.000,0:08:01.440 "Why are we doing what we're doing?" 0:08:04.000,0:08:05.120 "What is beauty?" 0:08:05.120,0:08:06.952 "And why is it beautiful?" 0:08:08.000,0:08:10.568 "And what makes beauty?"