0:00:00.690,0:00:02.921
How can I speak in 10 minutes

0:00:02.945,0:00:06.489
about the bonds of women[br]over three generations,

0:00:06.513,0:00:09.564
about how the astonishing[br]strength of those bonds

0:00:09.588,0:00:12.474
took hold in the life[br]of a four-year-old girl

0:00:13.225,0:00:18.056
huddled with her young sister,[br]her mother and her grandmother

0:00:18.080,0:00:21.906
for five days and nights[br]in a small boat in the China Sea

0:00:21.930,0:00:23.247
more than 30 years ago.

0:00:24.473,0:00:27.027
Bonds that took hold[br]in the life of that small girl

0:00:27.051,0:00:28.215
and never let go --

0:00:29.507,0:00:32.105
that small girl now[br]living in San Francisco

0:00:32.129,0:00:33.689
and speaking to you today.

0:00:34.939,0:00:36.721
This is not a finished story.

0:00:37.525,0:00:40.194
It is a jigsaw puzzle[br]still being put together.

0:00:41.117,0:00:43.106
Let me tell you about some of the pieces.

0:00:44.956,0:00:48.812
Imagine the first piece:[br]a man burning his life's work.

0:00:49.674,0:00:52.943
He is a poet, a playwright,

0:00:52.967,0:00:54.249
a man whose whole life

0:00:54.273,0:00:58.349
had been balanced on the single hope[br]of his country's unity and freedom.

0:00:59.253,0:01:02.541
Imagine him as the communists[br]enter Saigon --

0:01:02.565,0:01:05.975
confronting the fact[br]that his life had been a complete waste.

0:01:06.450,0:01:09.292
Words, for so long his friends,[br]now mocked him.

0:01:10.251,0:01:11.976
He retreated into silence.

0:01:12.727,0:01:14.878
He died broken by history.

0:01:16.442,0:01:17.976
He is my grandfather.

0:01:19.087,0:01:20.854
I never knew him in real life.

0:01:23.011,0:01:25.544
But our lives are much more[br]than our memories.

0:01:26.410,0:01:28.976
My grandmother never[br]let me forget his life.

0:01:29.665,0:01:32.782
My duty was not to allow[br]it to have been in vain,

0:01:32.806,0:01:37.286
and my lesson was to learn[br]that, yes, history tried to crush us,

0:01:37.310,0:01:38.460
but we endured.

0:01:40.016,0:01:43.531
The next piece of the jigsaw[br]is of a boat in the early dawn

0:01:43.555,0:01:45.541
slipping silently out to sea.

0:01:46.831,0:01:49.604
My mother, Mai, was 18[br]when her father died --

0:01:50.322,0:01:52.504
already in an arranged marriage,

0:01:52.528,0:01:54.493
already with two small girls.

0:01:55.521,0:01:58.623
For her, life had distilled[br]itself into one task:

0:01:59.226,0:02:02.355
the escape of her family[br]and a new life in Australia.

0:02:03.490,0:02:06.571
It was inconceivable to her[br]that she would not succeed.

0:02:07.674,0:02:10.576
So after a four-year saga[br]that defies fiction,

0:02:10.600,0:02:13.825
a boat slipped out to sea[br]disguised as a fishing vessel.

0:02:15.413,0:02:17.230
All the adults knew the risks.

0:02:18.358,0:02:21.500
The greatest fear[br]was of pirates, rape and death.

0:02:22.996,0:02:24.888
Like most adults on the boat,

0:02:24.912,0:02:27.184
my mother carried[br]a small bottle of poison.

0:02:28.471,0:02:31.742
If we were captured,[br]first my sister and I,

0:02:31.766,0:02:33.892
then she and my grandmother would drink.

0:02:35.467,0:02:37.535
My first memories are from the boat --

0:02:38.273,0:02:40.058
the steady beat of the engine,

0:02:40.082,0:02:42.345
the bow dipping into each wave,

0:02:42.917,0:02:44.976
the vast and empty horizon.

0:02:46.045,0:02:48.548
I don't remember the pirates[br]who came many times,

0:02:48.572,0:02:51.633
but were bluffed by the bravado[br]of the men on our boat,

0:02:52.634,0:02:56.042
or the engine dying[br]and failing to start for six hours.

0:02:57.249,0:03:01.148
But I do remember the lights[br]on the oil rig off the Malaysian coast

0:03:01.783,0:03:04.517
and the young man who collapsed and died,

0:03:04.541,0:03:06.734
the journey's end too much for him,

0:03:08.079,0:03:11.705
and the first apple I tasted,[br]given to me by the men on the rig.

0:03:12.586,0:03:15.035
No apple has ever tasted the same.

0:03:18.185,0:03:21.866
After three months in a refugee camp,[br]we landed in Melbourne.

0:03:22.247,0:03:24.767
And the next piece of the jigsaw[br]is about four women

0:03:24.791,0:03:28.289
across three generations[br]shaping a new life together.

0:03:30.115,0:03:32.138
We settled in Footscray,

0:03:32.162,0:03:35.975
a working-class suburb[br]whose demographic is layers of immigrants.

0:03:36.511,0:03:40.812
Unlike the settled middle-class suburbs,[br]whose existence I was oblivious of,

0:03:40.836,0:03:43.410
there was no sense[br]of entitlement in Footscray.

0:03:43.903,0:03:47.085
The smells from shop doors[br]were from the rest of the world.

0:03:47.109,0:03:48.793
And the snippets of halting English

0:03:48.817,0:03:52.049
were exchanged between people[br]who had one thing in common:

0:03:52.484,0:03:53.833
They were starting again.

0:03:55.453,0:03:57.288
My mother worked on farms,

0:03:57.312,0:03:58.950
then on a car assembly line,

0:03:58.974,0:04:01.291
working six days, double shifts.

0:04:02.134,0:04:04.242
Somehow, she found time to study English

0:04:04.266,0:04:06.237
and gain IT qualifications.

0:04:07.254,0:04:08.404
We were poor.

0:04:09.364,0:04:11.116
All the dollars were allocated

0:04:11.140,0:04:14.538
and extra tuition in English[br]and mathematics was budgeted for

0:04:14.562,0:04:16.314
regardless of what missed out,

0:04:17.609,0:04:19.538
which was usually new clothes;

0:04:20.110,0:04:21.953
they were always secondhand.

0:04:22.341,0:04:24.327
Two pairs of stockings for school,

0:04:24.351,0:04:26.331
each to hide the holes in the other.

0:04:26.974,0:04:30.986
A school uniform down to the ankles,[br]because it had to last for six years.

0:04:32.756,0:04:36.717
And there were rare[br]but searing chants of "slit-eye"

0:04:36.741,0:04:38.471
and the occasional graffiti:

0:04:38.495,0:04:39.765
"Asian, go home."

0:04:40.686,0:04:41.976
Go home to where?

0:04:42.969,0:04:44.786
Something stiffened inside me.

0:04:45.400,0:04:48.391
There was a gathering of resolve[br]and a quiet voice saying,

0:04:48.801,0:04:50.137
"I will bypass you."

0:04:51.984,0:04:55.487
My mother, my sister and I[br]slept in the same bed.

0:04:56.651,0:04:58.888
My mother was exhausted each night,

0:04:58.912,0:05:00.969
but we told one another about our day

0:05:00.993,0:05:04.583
and listened to the movements[br]of my grandmother around the house.

0:05:05.155,0:05:07.942
My mother suffered from nightmares,[br]all about the boat.

0:05:09.488,0:05:12.502
And my job was to stay awake[br]until her nightmares came

0:05:12.526,0:05:13.697
so I could wake her.

0:05:16.041,0:05:17.853
She opened a computer store,

0:05:17.877,0:05:20.706
then studied to be a beautician[br]and opened another business.

0:05:21.479,0:05:23.258
And the women came with their stories

0:05:23.282,0:05:25.918
about men who could not[br]make the transition,

0:05:25.942,0:05:27.696
angry and inflexible,

0:05:27.720,0:05:30.545
and troubled children[br]caught between two worlds.

0:05:31.164,0:05:33.177
Grants and sponsors were sought.

0:05:33.201,0:05:34.707
Centers were established.

0:05:35.940,0:05:37.691
I lived in parallel worlds.

0:05:38.080,0:05:41.118
In one, I was the classic Asian student,

0:05:41.142,0:05:43.659
relentless in the demands[br]that I made on myself.

0:05:44.570,0:05:47.665
In the other, I was enmeshed[br]in lives that were precarious,

0:05:47.689,0:05:51.418
tragically scarred by violence,[br]drug abuse and isolation.

0:05:52.719,0:05:54.757
But so many over the years were helped.

0:05:54.781,0:05:57.693
And for that work,[br]when I was a final-year law student,

0:05:57.717,0:06:00.278
I was chosen as the Young[br]Australian of the Year.

0:06:00.302,0:06:04.230
And I was catapulted from[br]one piece of the jigsaw to another,

0:06:04.254,0:06:05.976
and their edges didn't fit.

0:06:06.813,0:06:09.060
Tan Le, anonymous Footscray resident,

0:06:09.084,0:06:12.413
was now Tan Le,[br]refugee and social activist,

0:06:12.437,0:06:15.858
invited to speak in venues[br]she had never heard of

0:06:15.882,0:06:19.376
and into homes whose existence[br]she could never have imagined.

0:06:20.313,0:06:21.969
I didn't know the protocols.

0:06:22.405,0:06:24.185
I didn't know how to use the cutlery.

0:06:25.114,0:06:27.480
I didn't know how to talk about wine.

0:06:27.504,0:06:30.214
I didn't know how to talk about anything.

0:06:31.436,0:06:34.353
I wanted to retreat[br]to the routines and comfort

0:06:34.377,0:06:36.975
of life in an unsung suburb --

0:06:37.485,0:06:40.107
a grandmother, a mother and two daughters

0:06:40.131,0:06:43.820
ending each day as they had[br]for almost 20 years,

0:06:43.844,0:06:46.296
telling one another the story of their day

0:06:46.320,0:06:49.860
and falling asleep,[br]the three of us still in the same bed.

0:06:52.138,0:06:54.158
I told my mother I couldn't do it.

0:06:55.714,0:06:59.162
She reminded me that I was now[br]the same age she had been

0:06:59.186,0:07:00.630
when we boarded the boat.

0:07:01.548,0:07:03.328
"No" had never been an option.

0:07:04.879,0:07:06.206
"Just do it," she said,

0:07:06.230,0:07:07.908
"and don't be what you're not."

0:07:09.137,0:07:12.361
So I spoke out on youth[br]unemployment and education

0:07:12.385,0:07:15.463
and the neglect of the marginalized[br]and disenfranchised.

0:07:15.876,0:07:19.241
And the more candidly I spoke,[br]the more I was asked to speak.

0:07:21.257,0:07:23.329
I met people from all walks of life,

0:07:23.353,0:07:25.903
so many of them doing[br]the thing they loved,

0:07:25.927,0:07:27.976
living on the frontiers of possibility.

0:07:28.574,0:07:30.976
And even though I finished my degree,

0:07:31.000,0:07:34.297
I realized I could not settle[br]into a career in law.

0:07:34.677,0:07:36.976
There had to be another piece[br]of the jigsaw.

0:07:37.946,0:07:40.278
And I realized, at the same time,

0:07:40.302,0:07:42.950
that it is OK to be an outsider,

0:07:42.974,0:07:44.712
a recent arrival,

0:07:44.736,0:07:45.976
new on the scene --

0:07:46.625,0:07:48.353
and not just OK,

0:07:48.377,0:07:50.647
but something to be thankful for,

0:07:50.671,0:07:52.359
perhaps a gift from the boat.

0:07:53.292,0:07:57.866
Because being an insider can so easily[br]mean collapsing the horizons,

0:07:57.890,0:08:01.470
can so easily mean accepting[br]the presumptions of your province.

0:08:02.968,0:08:05.375
I have stepped outside[br]my comfort zone enough now

0:08:05.399,0:08:08.119
to know that, yes,[br]the world does fall apart,

0:08:08.143,0:08:09.976
but not in the way that you fear.

0:08:10.553,0:08:12.833
Possibilities that would not[br]have been allowed

0:08:12.857,0:08:14.618
were outrageously encouraged.

0:08:15.036,0:08:16.511
There was an energy there,

0:08:16.535,0:08:17.976
an implacable optimism,

0:08:18.614,0:08:21.286
a strange mixture of humility and daring.

0:08:22.306,0:08:23.731
So I followed my hunches.

0:08:24.077,0:08:26.563
I gathered around me[br]a small team of people

0:08:26.587,0:08:30.232
for whom the label "It can't be done"[br]was an irresistible challenge.

0:08:31.375,0:08:32.976
For a year, we were penniless.

0:08:33.412,0:08:35.754
At the end of each day,[br]I made a huge pot of soup

0:08:35.778,0:08:37.151
which we all shared.

0:08:37.947,0:08:39.834
We worked well into each night.

0:08:40.328,0:08:41.975
Most of our ideas were crazy,

0:08:42.613,0:08:43.976
but a few were brilliant,

0:08:44.445,0:08:45.778
and we broke through.

0:08:47.549,0:08:50.854
I made the decision to move[br]to the US after only one trip.

0:08:51.720,0:08:52.976
My hunches again.

0:08:53.666,0:08:57.509
Three months later, I had relocated,[br]and the adventure has continued.

0:08:59.657,0:09:02.716
Before I close, though,[br]let me tell you about my grandmother.

0:09:04.018,0:09:07.641
She grew up at a time when Confucianism[br]was the social norm

0:09:07.665,0:09:10.236
and the local mandarin[br]was the person who mattered.

0:09:10.947,0:09:12.976
Life hadn't changed for centuries.

0:09:14.049,0:09:16.740
Her father died soon after she was born.

0:09:17.676,0:09:19.430
Her mother raised her alone.

0:09:20.692,0:09:25.382
At 17, she became the second wife[br]of a mandarin whose mother beat her.

0:09:26.731,0:09:28.725
With no support from her husband,

0:09:28.749,0:09:31.455
she caused a sensation[br]by taking him to court

0:09:31.479,0:09:33.711
and prosecuting her own case,

0:09:33.735,0:09:36.462
and a far greater sensation when she won.

0:09:36.486,0:09:37.976
(Laughter)

0:09:38.000,0:09:43.047
(Applause)

0:09:43.071,0:09:45.460
"It can't be done" was shown to be wrong.

0:09:48.625,0:09:51.653
I was taking a shower[br]in a hotel room in Sydney

0:09:51.677,0:09:53.236
the moment she died,

0:09:53.260,0:09:55.768
600 miles away, in Melbourne.

0:09:57.103,0:10:01.234
I looked through the shower screen[br]and saw her standing on the other side.

0:10:01.258,0:10:03.233
I knew she had come to say goodbye.

0:10:03.955,0:10:05.803
My mother phoned minutes later.

0:10:07.316,0:10:08.606
A few days later,

0:10:08.630,0:10:11.975
we went to a Buddhist temple in Footscray[br]and sat around her casket.

0:10:12.976,0:10:16.395
We told her stories and assured her[br]that we were still with her.

0:10:17.725,0:10:22.421
At midnight, the monk came[br]and told us he had to close the casket.

0:10:23.398,0:10:25.792
My mother asked us to feel her hand.

0:10:26.554,0:10:27.976
She asked the monk,

0:10:28.000,0:10:32.441
"Why is it that her hand is so warm[br]and the rest of her is so cold?"

0:10:33.678,0:10:36.976
"Because you have been holding it[br]since this morning," he said.

0:10:37.679,0:10:39.218
"You have not let it go."

0:10:42.242,0:10:46.051
If there is a sinew in our family,[br]it runs through the women.

0:10:47.100,0:10:50.053
Given who we were[br]and how life had shaped us,

0:10:50.077,0:10:53.419
we can now see that the men[br]that might have come into our lives

0:10:53.443,0:10:54.759
would have thwarted us.

0:10:55.366,0:10:57.346
Defeat would have come too easily.

0:10:58.590,0:11:02.515
Now I would like to have my own children,[br]and I wonder about the boat.

0:11:03.792,0:11:05.863
Who could ever wish it on their own?

0:11:06.937,0:11:09.083
Yet I am afraid of privilege,

0:11:09.107,0:11:10.313
of ease,

0:11:10.337,0:11:11.573
of entitlement.

0:11:12.457,0:11:16.470
Can I give them a bow in their lives,[br]dipping bravely into each wave,

0:11:17.518,0:11:19.976
the unperturbed and steady[br]beat of the engine,

0:11:20.889,0:11:23.636
the vast horizon that guarantees nothing?

0:11:25.439,0:11:26.636
I don't know.

0:11:27.232,0:11:28.629
But if I could give it

0:11:28.653,0:11:30.967
and still see them safely through,

0:11:30.991,0:11:32.141
I would.

0:11:33.325,0:11:40.325
(Applause)

0:11:46.094,0:11:49.358
Trevor Neilson: And also,[br]Tan's mother is here today,

0:11:49.382,0:11:50.976
in the fourth or fifth row.

0:11:51.000,0:11:55.792
(Applause)