WEBVTT 00:00:01.039 --> 00:00:03.985 How have you found Russia so far, Mr Gold? 00:00:03.985 --> 00:00:05.538 Well, it's a great country, Vlad. 00:00:05.538 --> 00:00:06.925 I'm having a heck of a time. 00:00:06.925 --> 00:00:09.355 Yes, yes... let's get down to business, shall we? 00:00:09.355 --> 00:00:13.304 You want to find a beautiful Russian bride to take back to America? 00:00:13.304 --> 00:00:14.569 That's why I'm here... 00:00:14.569 --> 00:00:17.929 Yes... So, you've narrowed down your selection to two women 00:00:17.929 --> 00:00:19.299 from our online database... 00:00:19.851 --> 00:00:23.003 Are you ready to meet them in person before you make your final choice? 00:00:23.003 --> 00:00:24.863 Yes, please! I am so ready! 00:00:24.869 --> 00:00:25.371 Alright. 00:00:25.371 --> 00:00:26.841 Katya! Svetlana! 00:00:33.581 --> 00:00:34.741 Look at them! 00:00:34.801 --> 00:00:36.679 I am instantly in love! NOTE Paragraph 00:00:36.829 --> 00:00:38.339 Yes, they thought you might be... 00:00:38.438 --> 00:00:40.046 Now, before we go any further, 00:00:40.046 --> 00:00:44.176 I should tell you that Svetlana is slightly cheaper than Katya. 00:00:47.541 --> 00:00:48.501 How much cheaper? 00:00:48.621 --> 00:00:49.531 10 dollars. 00:00:50.238 --> 00:00:50.908 Oh, OK. 00:00:51.502 --> 00:00:54.212 This is going to be very, very hard. 00:00:55.075 --> 00:00:57.395 Can they understand what we're saying? 00:00:57.433 --> 00:00:58.814 No, not at all. 00:00:58.814 --> 00:01:00.494 Alright. Let's see .... Hm.... 00:01:01.050 --> 00:01:03.640 Katya has a very beautiful face. 00:01:03.640 --> 00:01:06.762 She looks young and healthy and clean... 00:01:07.123 --> 00:01:07.713 Yes... 00:01:08.755 --> 00:01:11.745 But Svetlana is 10 dollars cheaper. 00:01:12.361 --> 00:01:13.021 Yes. 00:01:14.125 --> 00:01:17.755 Svetlana looks like you pulled her out of a drain. 00:01:18.962 --> 00:01:20.133 Like a shower drain. 00:01:20.133 --> 00:01:23.613 You know, hair and dirt and clumps of hardened shampoo... 00:01:23.781 --> 00:01:24.311 Yes... 00:01:24.477 --> 00:01:28.464 Mildew, dead skin, just like, you know... 00:01:28.464 --> 00:01:32.984 oils from the conditioner that have congealed and turned black inside the drain... 00:01:33.480 --> 00:01:35.050 Yes, from mildew in this drain... 00:01:35.635 --> 00:01:36.405 But... 00:01:36.961 --> 00:01:38.621 10 dollars cheaper. 00:01:39.143 --> 00:01:40.063 This is tough... 00:01:40.421 --> 00:01:43.451 I mean, would you mind asking them some questions for me? 00:01:43.451 --> 00:01:44.122 Not at all! 00:01:44.122 --> 00:01:46.502 Katya? What are some of your interests? 00:01:46.570 --> 00:01:48.636 [in fake Russian] 00:01:49.186 --> 00:01:51.636 [answers in fake Russian] 00:01:51.636 --> 00:01:54.936 She says: sewing, pleasing my husband and playing tennis. 00:01:55.270 --> 00:01:56.340 And Svetlana? 00:01:56.645 --> 00:01:58.072 [in fake Russian] 00:01:58.312 --> 00:02:01.752 [answers in fake Russian] 00:02:01.752 --> 00:02:04.092 Svetlana has no interests. 00:02:04.421 --> 00:02:05.981 And which one is cheaper again? 00:02:06.013 --> 00:02:06.973 Svetlana. 00:02:07.925 --> 00:02:08.975 Right. Svetlana. 00:02:09.349 --> 00:02:10.629 By 10 dollars. 00:02:12.253 --> 00:02:19.013 So Katya is 60.000 dollars, and Svetlana is 59.990 dollars. 00:02:19.480 --> 00:02:20.230 Exactly. 00:02:21.002 --> 00:02:23.242 Damn. How am I ever gonna choose? 00:02:23.718 --> 00:02:26.219 Perhaps we can ask the ladies to wink at you? 00:02:26.219 --> 00:02:27.629 Would that help? 00:02:27.715 --> 00:02:28.863 Well, couldn't hurt. 00:02:28.863 --> 00:02:29.863 [in fake Russian] 00:02:29.863 --> 00:02:31.672 [answers in fake Russian] 00:02:31.672 --> 00:02:34.817 Katya would also like to blow you kisses while she winks. 00:02:34.817 --> 00:02:35.397 Great! 00:02:35.708 --> 00:02:39.518 [in fake Russian] 00:02:39.520 --> 00:02:41.920 Svetlana cannot wink. Only blink. 00:02:53.607 --> 00:02:54.347 Wow! 00:02:55.308 --> 00:02:59.376 So basically it's a choice between Katya or this one and 10 dollars. 00:02:59.376 --> 00:03:00.026 Yes. 00:03:02.188 --> 00:03:02.678 OK. 00:03:03.567 --> 00:03:04.707 Guilty pleasures? 00:03:04.776 --> 00:03:06.947 [in fake Russian] 00:03:07.581 --> 00:03:10.051 [both answer in fake Russian] 00:03:11.587 --> 00:03:14.727 Katya - oral sex, Svetlana - heroin. 00:03:15.730 --> 00:03:18.730 [in fake Russian] 00:03:19.340 --> 00:03:21.560 Svetlana would like to show her talent to you. 00:03:21.806 --> 00:03:23.606 Oh! Great. I would love that. 00:03:24.035 --> 00:03:28.255 [singing in fake Russian] 00:03:42.819 --> 00:03:43.729 Hmmm... 00:03:44.417 --> 00:03:46.557 Still not convinced either way. 00:03:46.865 --> 00:03:50.435 One more question. OK. Have either of them been married before? 00:03:50.607 --> 00:03:51.937 [in fake Russian] 00:03:52.087 --> 00:03:53.440 Nyet. 00:03:53.440 --> 00:03:54.235 Katya no. 00:03:54.885 --> 00:03:55.925 [in fake Russian] 00:03:56.538 --> 00:03:58.481 Svetlana was married a long time. 00:03:58.481 --> 00:04:00.030 He was the love of her life. 00:04:00.030 --> 00:04:02.703 Unfortunately, she suspected that he was cheating on her. 00:04:02.703 --> 00:04:05.163 So in his sleep, she killed him with her fists 00:04:05.485 --> 00:04:10.175 and also a rope. Then she remembered that it was her own lipstick mark she found on his neck. 00:04:10.852 --> 00:04:12.303 But it was far too late. 00:04:12.303 --> 00:04:14.023 He was dead. 00:04:18.388 --> 00:04:22.958 Wow! I guess it's pretty clear who the right choice for me is ... 00:04:23.018 --> 00:04:25.098 Which one is cheaper again? 00:04:25.906 --> 00:04:26.876 Svetlana! 00:04:27.954 --> 00:04:29.654 Oh, this is so haaard!