1 00:00:01,039 --> 00:00:03,985 How have you found Russia so far, Mr Gold? 2 00:00:03,985 --> 00:00:05,538 Well, it's a great country, Vlad. 3 00:00:05,538 --> 00:00:06,925 I'm having a heck of a time. 4 00:00:06,925 --> 00:00:09,355 Yes, yes... let's get down to business, shall we? 5 00:00:09,355 --> 00:00:13,304 You want to find a beautiful Russian bride to take back to America? 6 00:00:13,304 --> 00:00:14,569 That's why I'm here... 7 00:00:14,569 --> 00:00:17,929 Yes... So, you've narrowed down your selection to two women 8 00:00:17,929 --> 00:00:19,299 from our online database... 9 00:00:19,851 --> 00:00:23,003 Are you ready to meet them in person before you make your final choice? 10 00:00:23,003 --> 00:00:24,863 Yes, please! I am so ready! 11 00:00:24,869 --> 00:00:25,371 Alright. 12 00:00:25,371 --> 00:00:26,841 Katya! Svetlana! 13 00:00:33,581 --> 00:00:34,741 Look at them! 14 00:00:34,801 --> 00:00:36,679 I am instantly in love! 15 00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:38,339 Yes, they thought you might be... 16 00:00:38,438 --> 00:00:40,046 Now, before we go any further, 17 00:00:40,046 --> 00:00:44,176 I should tell you that Svetlana is slightly cheaper than Katya. 18 00:00:47,541 --> 00:00:48,501 How much cheaper? 19 00:00:48,621 --> 00:00:49,531 10 dollars. 20 00:00:50,238 --> 00:00:50,908 Oh, OK. 21 00:00:51,502 --> 00:00:54,212 This is going to be very, very hard. 22 00:00:55,075 --> 00:00:57,395 Can they understand what we're saying? 23 00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:58,814 No, not at all. 24 00:00:58,814 --> 00:01:00,494 Alright. Let's see .... Hm.... 25 00:01:01,050 --> 00:01:03,640 Katya has a very beautiful face. 26 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:06,762 She looks young and healthy and clean... 27 00:01:07,123 --> 00:01:07,713 Yes... 28 00:01:08,755 --> 00:01:11,745 But Svetlana is 10 dollars cheaper. 29 00:01:12,361 --> 00:01:13,021 Yes. 30 00:01:14,125 --> 00:01:17,755 Svetlana looks like you pulled her out of a drain. 31 00:01:18,962 --> 00:01:20,133 Like a shower drain. 32 00:01:20,133 --> 00:01:23,613 You know, hair and dirt and clumps of hardened shampoo... 33 00:01:23,781 --> 00:01:24,311 Yes... 34 00:01:24,477 --> 00:01:28,464 Mildew, dead skin, just like, you know... 35 00:01:28,464 --> 00:01:32,984 oils from the conditioner that have congealed and turned black inside the drain... 36 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:35,050 Yes, from mildew in this drain... 37 00:01:35,635 --> 00:01:36,405 But... 38 00:01:36,961 --> 00:01:38,621 10 dollars cheaper. 39 00:01:39,143 --> 00:01:40,063 This is tough... 40 00:01:40,421 --> 00:01:43,451 I mean, would you mind asking them some questions for me? 41 00:01:43,451 --> 00:01:44,122 Not at all! 42 00:01:44,122 --> 00:01:46,502 Katya? What are some of your interests? 43 00:01:46,570 --> 00:01:48,636 [in fake Russian] 44 00:01:49,186 --> 00:01:51,636 [answers in fake Russian] 45 00:01:51,636 --> 00:01:54,936 She says: sewing, pleasing my husband and playing tennis. 46 00:01:55,270 --> 00:01:56,340 And Svetlana? 47 00:01:56,645 --> 00:01:58,072 [in fake Russian] 48 00:01:58,312 --> 00:02:01,752 [answers in fake Russian] 49 00:02:01,752 --> 00:02:04,092 Svetlana has no interests. 50 00:02:04,421 --> 00:02:05,981 And which one is cheaper again? 51 00:02:06,013 --> 00:02:06,973 Svetlana. 52 00:02:07,925 --> 00:02:08,975 Right. Svetlana. 53 00:02:09,349 --> 00:02:10,629 By 10 dollars. 54 00:02:12,253 --> 00:02:19,013 So Katya is 60.000 dollars, and Svetlana is 59.990 dollars. 55 00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:20,230 Exactly. 56 00:02:21,002 --> 00:02:23,242 Damn. How am I ever gonna choose? 57 00:02:23,718 --> 00:02:26,219 Perhaps we can ask the ladies to wink at you? 58 00:02:26,219 --> 00:02:27,629 Would that help? 59 00:02:27,715 --> 00:02:28,863 Well, couldn't hurt. 60 00:02:28,863 --> 00:02:29,863 [in fake Russian] 61 00:02:29,863 --> 00:02:31,672 [answers in fake Russian] 62 00:02:31,672 --> 00:02:34,817 Katya would also like to blow you kisses while she winks. 63 00:02:34,817 --> 00:02:35,397 Great! 64 00:02:35,708 --> 00:02:39,518 [in fake Russian] 65 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:41,920 Svetlana cannot wink. Only blink. 66 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:54,347 Wow! 67 00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:59,376 So basically it's a choice between Katya or this one and 10 dollars. 68 00:02:59,376 --> 00:03:00,026 Yes. 69 00:03:02,188 --> 00:03:02,678 OK. 70 00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:04,707 Guilty pleasures? 71 00:03:04,776 --> 00:03:06,947 [in fake Russian] 72 00:03:07,581 --> 00:03:10,051 [both answer in fake Russian] 73 00:03:11,587 --> 00:03:14,727 Katya - oral sex, Svetlana - heroin. 74 00:03:15,730 --> 00:03:18,730 [in fake Russian] 75 00:03:19,340 --> 00:03:21,560 Svetlana would like to show her talent to you. 76 00:03:21,806 --> 00:03:23,606 Oh! Great. I would love that. 77 00:03:24,035 --> 00:03:28,255 [singing in fake Russian] 78 00:03:42,819 --> 00:03:43,729 Hmmm... 79 00:03:44,417 --> 00:03:46,557 Still not convinced either way. 80 00:03:46,865 --> 00:03:50,435 One more question. OK. Have either of them been married before? 81 00:03:50,607 --> 00:03:51,937 [in fake Russian] 82 00:03:52,087 --> 00:03:53,440 Nyet. 83 00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:54,235 Katya no. 84 00:03:54,885 --> 00:03:55,925 [in fake Russian] 85 00:03:56,538 --> 00:03:58,481 Svetlana was married a long time. 86 00:03:58,481 --> 00:04:00,030 He was the love of her life. 87 00:04:00,030 --> 00:04:02,703 Unfortunately, she suspected that he was cheating on her. 88 00:04:02,703 --> 00:04:05,163 So in his sleep, she killed him with her fists 89 00:04:05,485 --> 00:04:10,175 and also a rope. Then she remembered that it was her own lipstick mark she found on his neck. 90 00:04:10,852 --> 00:04:12,303 But it was far too late. 91 00:04:12,303 --> 00:04:14,023 He was dead. 92 00:04:18,388 --> 00:04:22,958 Wow! I guess it's pretty clear who the right choice for me is ... 93 00:04:23,018 --> 00:04:25,098 Which one is cheaper again? 94 00:04:25,906 --> 00:04:26,876 Svetlana! 95 00:04:27,954 --> 00:04:29,654 Oh, this is so haaard!