[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.00,0:00:04.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When it comes to identities and\Nexperiences that we haven't come across
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.07,0:00:06.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in real life or been taught about \Nin schools, we tend to rely on
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.83,0:00:10.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the media to teach us about them.\NNow, this media might be documentaries,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.83,0:00:14.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or news reports- things that are factual-\Nor fictional books, TV shows,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.83,0:00:18.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or films. Now, sometimes, the media\Nproduced about these identities
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.38,0:00:22.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or experiences is empathy-filled.\NIt's got accurate information based
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.76,0:00:27.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on lived experiences and deep research,\Nbut sometimes, [it] doesn't.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:27.71,0:00:32.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This kind of flawed representation \Nin media might replicate damaging tropes,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.19,0:00:34.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or include the spread of misinformation.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.56,0:00:37.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The importance of representation\Nis something that I talk about a lot
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.64,0:00:41.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on this channel, and that's the reason \Nthat I wanted to make this video today.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.64,0:00:46.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What happens to identities and experiences\Nthat we might not see around us,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.34,0:00:51.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we aren't taught about in schools,\Nand don't have much representation
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.03,0:00:54.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the media. Well, it turns out a lot\Nof myths and misconceptions start to form.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.93,0:00:58.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you look for media with asexual\Nand aromantic protagonists in [them],
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.34,0:01:02.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's almost impossible. A lot of lists of \Nany ace or aro characters will be
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.99,0:01:07.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,side characters or characters that are\Njust headcanoned to be that by their fans,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.76,0:01:10.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not anything that's explicit in the text \Nitself.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.06,0:01:13.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that is why I was so excited when I \Ngot sent this new book in the post.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.59,0:01:17.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's called Loveless, by Alice Oseman,\Nand it has an aroace protagonist.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.59,0:01:19.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I read this book in like a day.\NI know it's the ultimate cliche-
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.100,0:01:21.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,couldn't put it down.\NI genuinely couldn't.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.84,0:01:26.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As an asexual lesbian, this was the kind\Nof representation I had never seen before
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.67,0:01:29.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it just made me feel so seen.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.86,0:01:33.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So if this sort of aro/ace coming of age \Nnovel, with multiple queer characters,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.58,0:01:38.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,um, a Shakespeare play, because you know \Nthe queers love a good Shakespeare play,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.28,0:01:41.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,amazing female friendships,\Nif that kind of appeals to you,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.21,0:01:43.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,oh my God, check this book out.\NYou will not regret it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.31,0:01:46.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I reached out initially to see if Alice\Nwould be interested in being in like
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.11,0:01:50.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a debunking, uh, video, and Harper Collins \Nvery generously offered to just sponsor
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.51,0:01:53.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this whole video. Um, so, I'm going to \Nleave a link in the description
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.70,0:01:56.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for you to find out more about the book,\Nor buy it if you want, cause it is out now.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.47,0:01:59.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And without further ado\Nlet's bust some myths!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.77,0:02:02.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So what do we mean by asexual \Nand aromantic?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.22,0:02:05.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well there are different definitions\Nand different wordings,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.03,0:02:06.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but here is what we're gonna go with:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.55,0:02:29.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's worth noting that
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.27,0:02:39.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if you're still confused, hopefully\Nthe rest of this video will clear up
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.75,0:02:42.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,any misunderstandings or myths\Nthat you might've heard.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.37,0:02:47.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you have to be both.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.13,0:02:51.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So hopefully the definitions have sort of \Nbusted this myth for us,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.37,0:02:54.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but aromanticism and asexuality\Nare different things.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.89,0:02:58.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, you can be both, you can be neither,\Nor you could be one or the other.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.93,0:03:04.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, some people feel that their romantic\Nattraction and their sexual attraction
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.22,0:03:08.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are very similar, or they feel like\Nthe same thing so a lot of gay,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.22,0:03:14.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and straight and bi and pan people\Nfeel like their attraction is kind of-
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.07,0:03:16.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,their romantic and sexual attraction is\Nlinked together,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.74,0:03:21.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but often for asexual and aromantic, \Nand people of other sexualities,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.17,0:03:25.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,um, they just feel like two different\Nthings. But again, not always.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.17,0:03:30.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like for me, I'm aromantic and asexual\Nand I feel like they're quite linked
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.34,0:03:33.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,together, they feel like a similar thing-\Npart of a similar thing to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.77,0:03:37.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Um, so yeah, just remember it varies for\Ndifferent people.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.70,0:03:41.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, exactly! So you may have sexual\Nattraction to all genders.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.70,0:03:46.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You might, for that example, identify as\Npansexual, um, but only for romantic
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.36,0:03:49.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,attraction towards one gender.\NThere are also other kinds of attraction
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.81,0:03:52.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that again, for a lot of people, are all\Nbundled up into one.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.67,0:03:56.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Uh, things like aesthetic attraction, so\Nattraction to the way that someone looks,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.61,0:04:01.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or sensual attraction, a desire for \Ntouch which isn't necessarily sexual but
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.65,0:04:05.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sensual in nature. And again you might\Nexperience all, none, or a mixture
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.90,0:04:07.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of these different types of attraction.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.32,0:04:17.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Obviously, this is very untrue. Um, \Nasexuality is not the same thing
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.31,0:04:21.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as just choosing not to have sex.\NIt's not the same thing as abstinence
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.56,0:04:26.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or celibacy, or anything like that.\NUm, I think it's important to remember
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.61,0:04:32.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that asexuality is about a lack of\Nattraction. It's nothing to do with choice
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.50,0:04:37.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or deciding not to have sex.\NUm, and it's also worth remembering
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.18,0:04:40.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that lots of asexuals do have sex anyway.\N[Chuckles]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.90,0:04:47.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I think that this myth comes from the\Nidea that people who do experience
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.96,0:04:51.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sexual attraction know that at one point\Nwhen they were younger, they didn't,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.72,0:04:54.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so they assume that everyone who\Ndoesn't is just on the same journey
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.89,0:04:58.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as them, and it's just a matter of time,\Nbut that is not necessarily the case.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.92,0:05:03.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the idea of being a late bloomer\Nis actually something that comes up a lot
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.20,0:05:06.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in my book, Loveless, which you can see\Nin the corner here.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.36,0:05:10.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Um, it's something that the protagonist,\NGeorgia, worries about a lot.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.70,0:05:16.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She, especially at first, she thinks, "Oh\Nwell, I can't be asexual, I'm just a late
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.72,0:05:20.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,bloomer," like, I just need to wait and\Nuntil I find the right person.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.80,0:05:25.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's actually this idea that kind of\Nhinders her on her journey,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.77,0:05:32.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's actively kind of harmful to her to\Nin helping her discover her sexuality,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.65,0:05:38.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so, yeah, I think it's not a good idea to be\Ntelling asexuals that they're just
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.95,0:05:40.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,late bloomers cause it's not helpful.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.98,0:05:44.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, I think this brushing off of people\Nwho have a sincerely held identity
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.31,0:05:47.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is quite infantilizing or dismissive\Nof the way that they feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:47.20,0:05:53.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yeah, it also means that people are\Nput in a position where they might be
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.39,0:05:57.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,starting to question whether they could be\Naromantic or asexual and this kinda
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.87,0:06:01.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cuts them off from the exploration by\Nsaying, "No, no, that's not what you are,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.21,0:06:03.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're this, you just haven't reached\Nthat stage yet."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.65,0:06:07.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Um, so I think that it's always really\Nhealthy to keep options open
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.20,0:06:13.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to make sure that people can really look\Ninto, um, explore and research different
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.21,0:06:15.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,identities to see what fits them rather\Nthan just saying to them,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.84,0:06:19.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Don't worry, you'll be that normal one.\NYou just gotta wait a bit longer before
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.84,0:06:20.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it happens."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.76,0:06:25.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's also one of my personal pet peeves\Nthat people find out that I'm aroace
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.72,0:06:32.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they just assume that I'm like a baby,\Nwho cannot even deal with the idea of
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.71,0:06:38.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talking or hearing about sex or romance.\NUm, it's just very annoying like
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.55,0:06:43.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm 25 years old, I know what sex is!\N[chuckles]
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.08,0:06:46.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Um, so yeah, that's just very annoying.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.93,0:06:53.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I feel like this is quite similar to the\Nlast one. The big issue with it
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.61,0:06:56.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that it really invalidates people's\Nexperiences, the way that their-
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.91,0:06:58.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and their identities as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.48,0:07:01.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Um, yeah, I think that this is the same\Nargument that's tossed out [to]
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.84,0:07:07.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a lot of other sexualities, like gay people\Nand bi people. Um, everyone who's
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.37,0:07:10.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not straight kind of gets told, like,\Nthis is just a phase,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:10.84,0:07:16.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you'll just grow out of it one day.\NUm, and I mean, sometimes, sexuality
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.07,0:07:18.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and identity does change over time\Nbut often it doesn't,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.91,0:07:23.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and going around telling people,\N"Oh, no, it's okay, you'll change one day,"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.43,0:07:26.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"you'll grow out this,"\Nthat's just not helpful to anyone.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:26.50,0:07:29.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, our people- [there are] a lot of people who\Nidentify one way and then they identify
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.88,0:07:33.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a different way, and that doesn't mean\Nthose identities are inherently a phase,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:33.88,0:07:37.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or that was a lie; that was how you\Nsincerely identified at the time,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:37.88,0:07:39.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or the way in which you wanted to \Nlabel yourself.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.98,0:07:43.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think that like we would never say\Nthat just because someone used to identify
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.98,0:07:46.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as straight and now identifies as gay,\Nthat being straight is a phase,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.59,0:07:50.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,um, and so I think that we can all\Nunderstand that that's not the case
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.74,0:07:52.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with other sexualities either.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.43,0:08:06.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So there's a bit in Loveless where\NGeorgia, the protagonist, is Googling
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.16,0:08:11.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,asexuality and aromanticism for the \Nfirst time, and she is just bombarded
Dialogue: 0,0:08:11.69,0:08:17.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with information, um and she says something\Nlike, you know, being asexual wasn't-
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.83,0:08:23.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it wasn't like a graph, it was like a\Nradar chart with a dozen different axes.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.71,0:08:27.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Um, and I think that kind of sums up\Nasexuality and aromanticism,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.71,0:08:31.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cause it is complicated, like there's a lot\Nto learn about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.20,0:08:35.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think that all sexualities are not\Njust on a spectrum. Um,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:35.37,0:08:38.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like, the Kinsey scale, is probably the one\Npeople have heard of most often.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.88,0:08:43.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Um, because there are all of these\Ndifferent ways in which we experience
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.96,0:08:47.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and identify and different feelings that\Nwe might have at different times,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.96,0:08:54.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,um, and I think that asexuality and\Naromanticism is like, part of that map,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:54.14,0:08:59.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,web... uh, situation. And I don't necessarily\Nthink that that being that quite
Dialogue: 0,0:08:59.83,0:09:02.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,complicated needs to be a scary thing\Nor a worrying thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.41,0:09:05.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think that the reason why it's so\Ncomplicated is that it can be quite
Dialogue: 0,0:09:05.93,0:09:10.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,freeing for people to say, "Oh wait, this\Nreally specific thing that I'm feeling,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.73,0:09:14.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I'm starting to articulate about\Nmyself, is the same thing that someone
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.34,0:09:18.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,else is feeling, that I'm not alone,"\Nand so I don't necessarily think of it as
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.22,0:09:22.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a scary thing, I think of it as something\Nthat's quite positive to a lot of people
Dialogue: 0,0:09:22.22,0:09:26.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to have that kind of complexity available.\NSo, it's worth noting here that within the
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.04,0:09:31.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,kind of spectrum/web of asexuality\Nand aromanticism, you have, uh, identities
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.04,0:09:36.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like demi and grey which, uh, [are] ways in which\Npeople experience attraction that is
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.63,0:09:41.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,kind of- I guess, in between the two\Nextremes, in some way or another.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.31,0:09:43.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I also think one of the really\Ninteresting things about this web
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.86,0:09:49.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that takes, um, experiences and wants and desires\Ninto account means that we start
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.03,0:09:53.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to unpick what heteronormativity has said \Nis normal and expected,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.71,0:09:56.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you can decide the kind of things\Nthat you want and don't want.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.80,0:10:00.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even if you're someone who is straight,\Nthere will be particular experiences-
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.67,0:10:04.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or particular activities, or wants, or\Nsexual acts or things like that-
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.54,0:10:08.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that are expected of you, within the\Noverarching idea of what it means
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.54,0:10:12.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be straight, that you don't\Nnecessarily have to want or do.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:12.54,0:10:14.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so, I think that, again, that this web is\Nsomething that isn't something
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.97,0:10:17.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be feared, but something that can really\Nbe liberating to a lot of people.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.09,0:10:25.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Again, this is kind of following on from\Nthe last myth. There is, or can be,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:25.51,0:10:29.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a difference in people's experiences,\Ntheir wants, their sex drive,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:29.65,0:10:33.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,their desires, their identity; those \Nthings don't necessarily match up.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:33.65,0:10:38.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, this might be a repetitive point, but, um,\Nthe important thing to remember about
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.58,0:10:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,asexuality and aromanticism is that\Nthey're just a lack or little,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:44.19,0:10:49.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,um, sexual or romantic attraction.\NUh, there's really nothing to do with
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.34,0:10:53.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,anything else. Like, even if you are\Nasexual or aromantic, you could feel
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.53,0:10:57.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all sorts of different ways about having\Nsex, about being in relationships,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:57.72,0:11:02.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about romance, you know. Like you've\Nsaid, it's a big web of all different
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.93,0:11:04.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,experiences and feelings.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:04.39,0:11:08.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, some asexual people have a sex drive\Nand a libido, some don't.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.72,0:11:12.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Uh, some will masturbate, some won't.\NSome will have sex with their partners,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.89,0:11:16.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,uh, and some won't, and the reasons for\Nthat are not sexual attraction,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.99,0:11:20.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but other reasons. So, they might have \Nsex with their partners to feel close
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.07,0:11:23.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to them, um, because it feels physically \Ngood. Um, but yeah,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.94,0:11:27.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as Alice said, it's just not something\Nthat's based on sexual attraction.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.52,0:11:39.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So obviously, this is such a myth, and \None of the big messages in Loveless is
Dialogue: 0,0:11:39.28,0:11:43.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you can find a happily ever after\Nwithout romance, and that
Dialogue: 0,0:11:44.22,0:11:48.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,platonic relationships can be just as\Npowerful and special as romantic
Dialogue: 0,0:11:48.22,0:11:52.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,relationships. Um, unfortunately,\Nwe live in a society where romance is
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.48,0:11:57.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,kind of lauded as the best thing ever,\Nand everyone should be aspiring
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.32,0:12:01.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to find "the one" and fall in love and\Nhave an amazing love story.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.58,0:12:07.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But, the reality is that, you know, some\Npeople just won't feel happy experiencing
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.48,0:12:13.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that, so we should all be able to find\Nthat kind of joy and happiness in
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.00,0:12:15.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,platonic relationships as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.53,0:12:24.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Similar to the über evasive idea of, like,\Nthe happily ever after romantic ending,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.98,0:12:32.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just our media, advertising, um, it's-\Nour humor, even, is all so based on
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.10,0:12:37.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sex, romance, and relationships.\NAnd, so, it's completely understandable
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.65,0:12:41.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that if you are not experiencing that\Nattraction, that it might make you feel
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.32,0:12:43.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like there's something wrong with you.\NAnd, I think this is one of the really
Dialogue: 0,0:12:43.98,0:12:47.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,important reasons to talk about \Naromanticism and asexuality;
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.46,0:12:52.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to allow people to imagine a fulfilling\Nlife that doesn't necessarily involve
Dialogue: 0,0:12:52.20,0:12:56.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those things; um, to not force yourself\Nto want to want something,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:57.06,0:13:00.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,um, that doesn't come to you naturally,\Nand that isn't something that you're
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.94,0:13:03.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,going to be happy trying to strive towards.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:03.43,0:13:08.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Um, I'll just add to that- that idea kind of\Nbenefits everyone, even people who
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.39,0:13:14.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,aren't asexual and aromantic. Like, feeling\Npressured to find the perfect love story
Dialogue: 0,0:13:14.51,0:13:20.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is not a good thing for anyone, no matter your\Nsexuality, so understanding that you
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.08,0:13:25.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,shouldn't have to strive for that\Nidealized life and you should just try and
Dialogue: 0,0:13:26.02,0:13:30.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,enjoy, you know, what you have\Nis a good thing for everyone.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:30.73,0:13:35.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One really big issue for the asexual\Nand aromantic communities is that
Dialogue: 0,0:13:35.71,0:13:39.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're often seen as being mental\Nillnesses or things that need to be
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.06,0:13:46.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,treated, often by- even by doctors or\Ntherapists. Um, it's just quite a big issue
Dialogue: 0,0:13:46.13,0:13:49.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the community, um, \Nand it shouldn't be a thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:50.07,0:13:53.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Although it is worth noting- because\Nobviously, we love a bit of nuance,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:53.45,0:13:58.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,uh, and nothing is always black and white-\Num, but there will be people who experience,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:58.47,0:14:03.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,um, asexuality because of trauma,\Nand that's something that might last
Dialogue: 0,0:14:03.35,0:14:05.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a short amount of time, it might be\Nsomething that's with them for a long
Dialogue: 0,0:14:05.65,0:14:10.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,amount of time, um, and this doesn't negate \Nor undermine people who identify
Dialogue: 0,0:14:10.68,0:14:16.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as asexual, um, and it's my personal belief\Nthat the resources and information that
Dialogue: 0,0:14:16.17,0:14:20.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are available to the asexual community \Nshould be available to anyone who
Dialogue: 0,0:14:20.83,0:14:25.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,experiences that in any way, um, if that is \Nsomething that they think is going to
Dialogue: 0,0:14:25.63,0:14:28.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,help them. Um, so, it's one of those things\Nthat need a bit of nuance,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.71,0:14:32.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that there- it's not inherently a mental\Nillness, but there may be some people
Dialogue: 0,0:14:32.23,0:14:35.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that experience it for reasons other than\Nit being their inherent sexuality,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:36.06,0:14:38.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and those things can coexist together.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:42.54,0:14:47.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Uh, so being sex-positive- the idea that you\Nsupport people owning their sexuality
Dialogue: 0,0:14:47.70,0:14:52.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and doing what they want with regards\Nto sex- um, there's no reason why asexuals
Dialogue: 0,0:14:52.48,0:14:57.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would be against that at all. \NUm, in Loveless, actually, the protagonist,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:57.88,0:15:04.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Georgia, uh, her roommate at university\Nis very, very sex-positive, very outgoing,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:04.93,0:15:09.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she likes to express herself sexually a lot. \N[chuckles]
Dialogue: 0,0:15:09.83,0:15:13.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Um, and I wanted that to be one of the most\Nimportant relationships in the story,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:13.88,0:15:18.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it- even though Georgia and\Nher roommate, Roonie, they have very
Dialogue: 0,0:15:18.92,0:15:23.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,different experiences and feelings about\Nsex and about relationships, they can
Dialogue: 0,0:15:23.75,0:15:27.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,still respect each other and learn a lot\Nfrom each other, um, and that's how
Dialogue: 0,0:15:28.21,0:15:29.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,things should be.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:29.23,0:15:32.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Being asexual, again, it's not a moral\Nchoice, um, and therefore it's not a
Dialogue: 0,0:15:32.96,0:15:35.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,choice that you can then impose on other\Npeople, or a kind of morality you can-
Dialogue: 0,0:15:35.98,0:15:39.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you would want to impose on other people,\Num, just because there are some asexual
Dialogue: 0,0:15:39.59,0:15:44.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people who are never gonna have sex, or\Nmight be what's called sex-repulsed,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:44.05,0:15:47.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so, for them personally, it's never \Nsomething that they want to participate in,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.89,0:15:52.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's not then a feeling that they are\Ngoing to project onto other people,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:52.63,0:15:57.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or expect other people to feel as well.\NUm, so yeah, completely a myth.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:03.51,0:16:07.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello, it's me, the creator of a YA\Nromance graphic novel series.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:07.51,0:16:14.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Laughs] Um, yeah, this is completely a myth.\NLike, I love reading and watching romance movies
Dialogue: 0,0:16:14.77,0:16:20.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and books, um, and the protagonist of\NLoveless, Georgia, is, you know,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:20.61,0:16:24.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the second chapter, she's like,\N"I love romance, I love fan fiction,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:24.34,0:16:29.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I love Disney." Just because someone is\Nasexual or aromantic doesn't mean
Dialogue: 0,0:16:29.40,0:16:33.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they can't enjoy reading about it\Nor watching it on TV.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:33.22,0:16:37.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Again it's- it's- it's this spectrum, \Nit's different experiences that people have.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:37.22,0:16:41.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There will be some aromantic or asexual \Npeople who might not be interested
Dialogue: 0,0:16:41.23,0:16:42.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in that kind of media.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:47.77,0:16:51.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So this, honestly, just sounds like \Nsomething that a- just a mean school
Dialogue: 0,0:16:51.68,0:16:55.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,playground bully would say, and it's\Nalso like 1000% untrue.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:55.40,0:17:02.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, this is definitely untrue. Um, like,\Npersonally, I have had opportunities to
Dialogue: 0,0:17:02.43,0:17:06.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have a relationship, but I've always just\Nbeen like, "Mm... no thanks!" [chuckles]
Dialogue: 0,0:17:07.22,0:17:13.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, yeah, it's not for lack of opportunity.\NThis is- yeah, this is just a weird
Dialogue: 0,0:17:13.40,0:17:17.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,bully-ish argument that makes no sense\Nand is kind of pathetic.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:17.59,0:17:22.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Chuckles] This is actually something that\Naroace activist Yasmine Benoit has
Dialogue: 0,0:17:22.54,0:17:28.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talked about a lot. Um, she's a British \Naroace activist. Uh, she goes on loads of
Dialogue: 0,0:17:28.64,0:17:32.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,shows, and does loads of articles and stuff\Nspecifically talking about the
Dialogue: 0,0:17:32.97,0:17:38.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,misconception that asexuals have a \Nspecific look or they dress a specific way.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:38.45,0:17:44.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Um, and Yasmine herself is a professional \Nmodel, as well, so there you go! [Laughs]
Dialogue: 0,0:17:57.78,0:18:03.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, I personally think that the complete \Nlack of representation is what contributes
Dialogue: 0,0:18:03.67,0:18:09.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to this. Um, people don't really have any\Nidea of what asexual and aromantic people
Dialogue: 0,0:18:09.51,0:18:15.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are like because they're just not on TV,\Nthey're very rarely in books. Um,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:15.22,0:18:20.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and popular characters that have been, \Nyou know, decided that they're asexual
Dialogue: 0,0:18:20.22,0:18:24.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by their fans are often people like \NSherlock from BBC's Sherlock,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:24.55,0:18:28.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sheldon Cooper from the Big Bang Theory,\Npeople who are often quite unfeeling.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:28.93,0:18:35.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Um, whereas we need more positive\Nrepresentation of actual, well-rounded
Dialogue: 0,0:18:35.84,0:18:40.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people. Like, for example, I really liked\Nthe representation, um, of an asexual
Dialogue: 0,0:18:40.96,0:18:45.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,character in Season 2 of Sex Education. \NAlthough it was very short, and kind of
Dialogue: 0,0:18:45.63,0:18:50.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,shoe-horned in, it was actually about a \Ngirl who has a whole personality.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:50.56,0:18:54.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She's passionate about theater, like,\Nshe's, you know, got this whole
Dialogue: 0,0:18:54.42,0:18:58.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,life, and she's not some sort of unfeeling,\Nemotionless person.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:58.81,0:19:01.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Um, that's what I think we need\Nmore of, generally.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:01.48,0:19:04.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, I was really excited to see that in\NSex Education as well. I think they've
Dialogue: 0,0:19:04.61,0:19:06.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tackled a lot of different\Nkinds of sexualities,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:06.48,0:19:09.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that felt quite missing for me\Nfrom Season 1, especially cause I know
Dialogue: 0,0:19:09.35,0:19:11.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,quite a lot of people wanted the main\Ncharacter to be asexual, so
Dialogue: 0,0:19:11.93,0:19:13.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was really excited to see that as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:13.76,0:19:18.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One of the earliest adopters of \Ndifferent, um, identities or experiences,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:18.93,0:19:22.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,um, especially in the UK, is often\Nsoap operas. Um, we tend to see, like,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:22.98,0:19:25.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the first kiss on-screen in the UK. \NLike, all this stuff, they-
Dialogue: 0,0:19:25.95,0:19:28.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they always tend to be in soap operas.\NI've talked about this before, but
Dialogue: 0,0:19:28.81,0:19:31.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for a couple of different reasons,\Nincluding the idea that if
Dialogue: 0,0:19:31.01,0:19:35.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the character doesn't go down well\Nthey can just remove the character without
Dialogue: 0,0:19:35.28,0:19:37.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,much of an issue cause there's \Nso many other characters that can
Dialogue: 0,0:19:37.40,0:19:43.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,fill in their shoes, um, but it does end up\Nbeing quite pioneering. And, so,
Dialogue: 0,0:19:43.10,0:19:46.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we had, I think, what must be\None of the first asexual characters
Dialogue: 0,0:19:46.01,0:19:50.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on UK TV in 2018, with the character of\NLiv in Emmerdale, um, who
Dialogue: 0,0:19:50.68,0:19:54.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,came out as asexual. Um, I love Liv,\Nand I love the way that they
Dialogue: 0,0:19:54.71,0:20:01.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,did that storyline. She has, um, her brother\Nis gay, and had a really, really pioneering
Dialogue: 0,0:20:01.05,0:20:04.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,storyline. He's been on the soap since\Nhe was a kid, and they kind of
Dialogue: 0,0:20:04.64,0:20:07.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,followed him for his whole life so far.\NAnd, so, it was really interesting
Dialogue: 0,0:20:07.52,0:20:11.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,getting to see, um, a gay and asexual\Nsibling, and the way in which they
Dialogue: 0,0:20:11.52,0:20:16.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,communicate with each other, explain their\Nsexualities to each other, um, and just
Dialogue: 0,0:20:16.12,0:20:19.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,really love each other through everything.\NUm, and so, yeah, to see this
Dialogue: 0,0:20:19.15,0:20:23.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,teenage girl character work that out\Nabout her sexuality, and try and find
Dialogue: 0,0:20:23.56,0:20:26.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a relationship with someone that\Nwould understand that part of her
Dialogue: 0,0:20:26.03,0:20:30.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was, and is, really exciting to see.\NAnd finally, on to our last myth!
Dialogue: 0,0:20:35.97,0:20:40.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is just fundamentally untrue. Um,\Nthat- there's been evidence of asexual
Dialogue: 0,0:20:40.74,0:20:46.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,involvement in the LGBTQ+ community,\Nand movements throughout the 20th century.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:46.34,0:20:53.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Um, so, asexuality existed as a label\Nlong before the invention of Tumblr, and
Dialogue: 0,0:20:53.26,0:20:57.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's definitely a myth that Tumblr had \Nanything to do with its creation.
Dialogue: 0,0:20:57.26,0:21:01.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Internet didn't invent asexuality\Nor aromanticism. What it has done,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:01.68,0:21:07.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,however, is allow people to spread\Ninformation, um, and advice, and to allow
Dialogue: 0,0:21:07.47,0:21:09.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people to meet each other, and \Nto find each other,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:09.82,0:21:12.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to make them feel less alone.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:12.13,0:21:16.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And of course, just because the words\Ndidn't exist at one point,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:16.36,0:21:19.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that doesn't mean that people\Nweren't still those identities.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:19.82,0:21:23.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People will have been asexual and\Naromantic throughout history,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:23.74,0:21:26.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just like they have been [for]\Nall other sexualities
Dialogue: 0,0:21:26.65,0:21:30.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, those were 13 myths busted! Um,\NI hope you enjoyed that!
Dialogue: 0,0:21:30.65,0:21:35.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Uh, Alice, if people want to know more about \Nwhat you do, or find you on the Internet,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:35.06,0:21:36.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where should they be looking?
Dialogue: 0,0:21:36.34,0:21:41.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can come and follow me on Twitter or \NInstagram @aliceoseman, or
Dialogue: 0,0:21:41.38,0:21:46.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can find out more about Loveless,\N[chuckles] or any of my other books, uh,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:46.74,0:21:48.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on my website, aliceoseman.com.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:48.85,0:21:52.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the comments, I would love to hear\Nabout the types of aromantic and asexual
Dialogue: 0,0:21:52.27,0:21:54.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,characters you would like to see\Nrepresented in media.
Dialogue: 0,0:21:54.92,0:21:57.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As always, if you would like to help \Nsupport me make these videos,
Dialogue: 0,0:21:57.84,0:22:00.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'll leave a link to my Patreon,\Nuh, as well as all my social media, so
Dialogue: 0,0:22:00.95,0:22:04.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can find me all over the Internet. And,\Nuntil I see you next time, bye!