1
00:00:00,960 --> 00:00:03,616
I was a blue-eyed,
chubby-cheeked five-year-old

2
00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:06,760
when I joined my family
on the picket line for the first time.

3
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:09,960
My mom made me leave
my dolls in the minivan.

4
00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:13,896
I'd stand on a street corner
in the heavy Kansas humidity,

5
00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:16,536
surrounded by a few dozen relatives,

6
00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:19,680
with my tiny fists clutching
a sign that I couldn't read yet:

7
00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:22,280
"Gays are worthy of death."

8
00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:24,320
This was the beginning.

9
00:00:25,040 --> 00:00:27,256
Our protests soon became
a daily occurrence

10
00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:29,216
and an international phenomenon,

11
00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:31,696
and as a member
of Westboro Baptist Church,

12
00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:34,856
I became a fixture
on picket lines across the country.

13
00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,216
The end of my antigay picketing career

14
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:38,656
and life as I knew it,

15
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,336
came 20 years later,

16
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,856
triggered in part by strangers on Twitter

17
00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:45,560
who showed me the power
of engaging the other.

18
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:48,496
In my home,

19
00:00:48,520 --> 00:00:51,640
life was framed as an epic
spiritual battle between good and evil.

20
00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,776
The good was my church and its members

21
00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:56,720
and the evil was everyone else.

22
00:00:57,880 --> 00:00:59,336
My church's antics were such

23
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,776
that we were constantly
at odds with the world,

24
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,599
and that reinforced
our otherness on a daily basis.

25
00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:08,256
"Make a difference
between the unclean and the clean,"

26
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:09,616
the verse says,

27
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:10,976
and so we did.

28
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,136
From baseball games to military funerals,

29
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:16,936
we trekked across the country
with neon protest signs in hand

30
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:19,936
to tell others exactly
how unclean they were

31
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:22,680
and exactly why
they were headed for damnation.

32
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:25,800
This was the focus of our whole lives.

33
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:30,520
This was the only way for me to do good
in a world that sits in Satan's lap.

34
00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:33,336
And like the rest of my 10 siblings,

35
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,816
I believed what I was taught
with all my heart

36
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:38,680
and I pursued Westboro's agenda
with a special sort of zeal.

37
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,920
In 2009, that zeal brought me to Twitter.

38
00:01:43,560 --> 00:01:45,976
Initially, the people
I encountered on the platform

39
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,216
were just as hostile as I expected.

40
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,736
They were the digital version
of the screaming hoards

41
00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:53,416
I'd been seeing at protests
since I was a kid,

42
00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:55,896
but in the midst of that digital brawl,

43
00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:58,256
a strange pattern developed.

44
00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:02,936
Someone would arrive at my profile
with the usual rage and scorn,

45
00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:07,096
I would respond with a custom mix
of Bible verses, pop culture references

46
00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:08,320
and smiley faces,

47
00:02:09,479 --> 00:02:13,616
they would be understandably
confused and caught off guard,

48
00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:15,520
but then a conversation would ensue.

49
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,376
And it was civil --

50
00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:19,720
full of genuine curiosity on both sides.

51
00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:24,120
How had the other come to such
outrageous conclusions about the world?

52
00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:27,600
Sometimes the conversation
even bled into real life.

53
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:29,816
People I'd sparred with on Twitter

54
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,176
would come out
to the picket line to see me

55
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:33,680
when I protested in their city.

56
00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:36,880
A man named David was one such person.

57
00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:39,960
He ran a blog called "Jewlicious,"

58
00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:43,896
and after several months
of heated but friendly arguments online,

59
00:02:43,920 --> 00:02:46,320
he came out to see me
at a picket in New Orleans.

60
00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:50,576
He brought me a Middle Eastern dessert
from Jerusalem, where he lives,

61
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:52,856
and I brought him kosher chocolate

62
00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:54,936
and held a "God hates Jews" sign.

63
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,016
(Laughter)

64
00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:59,096
There was no confusion
about our positions,

65
00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:02,280
but the line between friend and foe
was becoming blurred.

66
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,056
We'd started to see each other
as human beings,

67
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,280
and it changed the way
we spoke to one another.

68
00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:09,496
It took time,

69
00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,560
but eventually these conversations
planted seeds of doubt in me.

70
00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:16,736
My friends on Twitter took the time
to understand Westboro's doctrines,

71
00:03:16,760 --> 00:03:17,976
and in doing so,

72
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:21,200
they were able to find inconsistencies
I'd missed my entire life.

73
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:25,016
Why did we advocate
the death penalty for gays

74
00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:28,600
when Jesus said, "Let he who is
without sin cast the first stone?"

75
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,736
How could we claim to love our neighbor

76
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:34,360
while at the same time
praying for God to destroy them?

77
00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:39,696
The truth is that the care shown to me
by these strangers on the Internet

78
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,440
was itself a contradiction.

79
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:43,456
It was growing evidence

80
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,960
that people on the other side were not
the demons I'd been led to believe.

81
00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:50,200
These realizations were life-altering.

82
00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:54,496
Once I saw that we were not
the ultimate arbiters of divine truth

83
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,296
but flawed human beings,

84
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,880
I couldn't pretend otherwise.

85
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:00,896
I couldn't justify our actions --

86
00:04:00,920 --> 00:04:03,896
especially our cruel practice
of protesting funerals

87
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,600
and celebrating human tragedy.

88
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:08,976
These shifts in my perspective

89
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:12,096
contributed to a larger erosion
of trust in my church,

90
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:15,080
and eventually it made it
impossible for me to stay.

91
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:20,959
In spite of overwhelming grief and terror,
I left Westboro in 2012.

92
00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:24,656
In those days just after I left,

93
00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:27,680
the instinct to hide
was almost paralyzing.

94
00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:30,576
I wanted to hide
from the judgement of my family,

95
00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,816
who I knew would never
speak to me again --

96
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:35,760
people whose thoughts and opinions
had meant everything to me.

97
00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:39,656
And I wanted to hide from the world
I'd rejected for so long --

98
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,416
people who had no reason at all
to give me a second chance

99
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,400
after a lifetime of antagonism.

100
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,176
And yet, unbelievably,

101
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:48,656
they did.

102
00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:52,056
The world had access to my past
because it was all over the Internet --

103
00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:54,456
thousands of tweets
and hundreds of interviews,

104
00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:57,976
everything from local TV news
to "The Howard Stern Show" --

105
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,600
but so many embraced me
with open arms anyway.

106
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,896
I wrote an apology
for the harm I'd caused,

107
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:07,360
but I also knew that an apology
could never undo any of it.

108
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,216
All I could do was try to build a new life

109
00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:13,640
and find a way somehow
to repair some of the damage.

110
00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:16,936
People had every reason
to doubt my sincerity,

111
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,200
but most of them didn't.

112
00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:20,080
And --

113
00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:21,896
given my history,

114
00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,856
it was more than I could've hoped for --

115
00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:26,336
forgiveness and the benefit of the doubt.

116
00:05:26,360 --> 00:05:27,600
It still amazes me.

117
00:05:28,520 --> 00:05:31,080
I spent my first year away from home

118
00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:34,176
adrift with my younger sister,

119
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:35,760
who had chosen to leave with me.

120
00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:38,336
We walked into an abyss,

121
00:05:38,360 --> 00:05:42,056
but we were shocked to find
the light and a way forward

122
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,680
in the same communities
we'd targeted for so long.

123
00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:46,816
David,

124
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:48,736
my "Jewlicious" friend from Twitter,

125
00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:52,496
invited us to spend time among
a Jewish community in Los Angeles.

126
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:55,736
We slept on couches in the home
of a Hasidic rabbi and his wife

127
00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:56,960
and their four kids --

128
00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:00,416
the same rabbi that I'd protested
three years earlier

129
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:02,640
with a sign that said,
"Your rabbi is a whore."

130
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:08,856
We spent long hours talking
about theology and Judaism and life

131
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:11,096
while we washed dishes
in their kosher kitchen

132
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:12,840
and chopped vegetables for dinner.

133
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,160
They treated us like family.

134
00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:17,736
They held nothing against us,

135
00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:19,600
and again I was astonished.

136
00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:22,456
That period was full of turmoil,

137
00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,776
but one part I've returned to often

138
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,680
is a surprising realization
I had during that time --

139
00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:32,776
that it was a relief and a privilege
to let go of the harsh judgments

140
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:36,720
that instinctively ran through my mind
about nearly every person I saw.

141
00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:40,400
I realized that now I needed to learn.

142
00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:42,280
I needed to listen.

143
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,656
This has been at the front
of my mind lately,

144
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,616
because I can't help but see
in our public discourse

145
00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:52,640
so many of the same destructive impulses
that ruled my former church.

146
00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:57,496
We celebrate tolerance and diversity
more than at any other time in memory,

147
00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,760
and still we grow more and more divided.

148
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,336
We want good things --

149
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:05,976
justice, equality,
freedom, dignity, prosperity --

150
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,296
but the path we've chosen

151
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:10,440
looks so much like the one
I walked away from four years ago.

152
00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:14,496
We've broken the world into us and them,

153
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,576
only emerging from our bunkers long enough

154
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:18,840
to lob rhetorical grenades
at the other camp.

155
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:23,536
We write off half the country
as out-of-touch liberal elites,

156
00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:25,720
or racist misogynist bullies.

157
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:29,600
No nuance, no complexity, no humanity.

158
00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:34,296
Even when someone does call for empathy
and understanding for the other side,

159
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,216
the conversation nearly always devolves

160
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,480
into a debate about
who deserves more empathy.

161
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,216
And just as I learned to do,

162
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:44,776
we routinely refuse to acknowledge
the flaws in our positions

163
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,440
or the merits in our opponent's.

164
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,000
Compromise is anathema.

165
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:53,720
We even target people on our own side
when they dare to question the party line.

166
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:59,296
This path has brought us cruel,
sniping, deepening polarization,

167
00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:00,920
and even outbreaks of violence.

168
00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:03,616
I remember this path.

169
00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:05,800
It will not take us where we want to go.

170
00:08:07,080 --> 00:08:09,800
What gives me hope is that
we can do something about this.

171
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:12,200
The good news is that it's simple

172
00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:14,600
and the bad news is that it's hard.

173
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:19,160
We have to talk and listen
to people we disagree with.

174
00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:21,936
It's hard because we often can't fathom

175
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,000
how the other side
came to their positions.

176
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,376
It's hard because righteous indignation,

177
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:30,576
that sense of certainty
that ours is the right side,

178
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,159
is so seductive.

179
00:08:32,919 --> 00:08:36,256
It's hard because it means
extending empathy and compassion

180
00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,799
to people who show us
hostility and contempt.

181
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,559
The impulse to respond in kind
is so tempting,

182
00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,296
but that isn't who we want to be.

183
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:46,976
We can resist.

184
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:51,456
And I will always be inspired to do so
by those people I encountered on Twitter,

185
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:55,176
apparent enemies
who became my beloved friends.

186
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:58,616
And in the case of one particularly
understanding and generous guy,

187
00:08:58,640 --> 00:08:59,840
my husband.

188
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:03,640
There was nothing special
about the way I responded to him.

189
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:07,200
What was special was their approach.

190
00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:10,656
I thought about it a lot
over the past few years

191
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:13,536
and I found four things
they did differently

192
00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:15,640
that made real conversation possible.

193
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,336
These four steps were small but powerful,

194
00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:23,120
and I do everything I can to employ them
in difficult conversations today.

195
00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:27,440
The first is don't assume bad intent.

196
00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:29,696
My friends on Twitter realized

197
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,656
that even when my words
were aggressive and offensive,

198
00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:35,576
I sincerely believed
I was doing the right thing.

199
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:38,576
Assuming ill motives
almost instantly cuts us off

200
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:42,896
from truly understanding
why someone does and believes as they do.

201
00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:44,656
We forget that they're a human being

202
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:47,656
with a lifetime of experience
that shaped their mind,

203
00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:50,376
and we get stuck
on that first wave of anger,

204
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:54,000
and the conversation has a very hard time
ever moving beyond it.

205
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,456
But when we assume good or neutral intent,

206
00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:00,480
we give our minds a much stronger
framework for dialogue.

207
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:05,000
The second is ask questions.

208
00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:08,336
When we engage people
across ideological divides,

209
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,816
asking questions
helps us map the disconnect

210
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,640
between our differing points of view.

211
00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,096
That's important because
we can't present effective arguments

212
00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:19,480
if we don't understand where
the other side is actually coming from

213
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:24,440
and because it gives them an opportunity
to point out flaws in our positions.

214
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:27,536
But asking questions
serves another purpose;

215
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:30,040
it signals to someone
that they're being heard.

216
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,896
When my friends on Twitter
stopped accusing

217
00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,696
and started asking questions,

218
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,960
I almost automatically mirrored them.

219
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:39,616
Their questions gave me room to speak,

220
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:43,016
but they also gave me permission
to ask them questions

221
00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:45,200
and to truly hear their responses.

222
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,680
It fundamentally changed
the dynamic of our conversation.

223
00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:52,120
The third is stay calm.

224
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,816
This takes practice and patience,

225
00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:56,160
but it's powerful.

226
00:10:56,720 --> 00:11:01,016
At Westboro, I learned not to care
how my manner of speaking affected others.

227
00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:04,096
I thought my rightness
justified my rudeness --

228
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:07,856
harsh tones, raised voices,
insults, interruptions --

229
00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:10,320
but that strategy
is ultimately counterproductive.

230
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:14,736
Dialing up the volume and the snark
is natural in stressful situations,

231
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:19,760
but it tends to bring the conversation
to an unsatisfactory, explosive end.

232
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,856
When my husband was still
just an anonymous Twitter acquaintance,

233
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,736
our discussions frequently
became hard and pointed,

234
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,720
but we always refused to escalate.

235
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,296
Instead, he would change the subject.

236
00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:33,536
He would tell a joke or recommend a book,

237
00:11:33,560 --> 00:11:36,760
or gently excuse himself
from the conversation.

238
00:11:37,560 --> 00:11:39,416
We knew the discussion wasn't over,

239
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:42,760
just paused for a time
to bring us back to an even keel.

240
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:46,776
People often lament that digital
communication makes us less civil,

241
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:51,040
but this is one advantage that online
conversations have over in-person ones.

242
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,296
We have a buffer of time and space

243
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:57,640
between us and the people
whose ideas we find so frustrating.

244
00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:00,336
We can use that buffer.

245
00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:04,056
Instead of lashing out,
we can pause, breathe,

246
00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,256
change the subject or walk away,

247
00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:08,720
and then come back to it when we're ready.

248
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:11,400
And finally ...

249
00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:13,960
make the argument.

250
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:17,416
This might seem obvious,

251
00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:20,016
but one side effect
of having strong beliefs

252
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:21,656
is that we sometimes assume

253
00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:26,776
that the value of our position
is or should be obvious and self-evident,

254
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,016
that we shouldn't
have to defend our positions

255
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:32,136
because they're so clearly right and good

256
00:12:32,160 --> 00:12:34,736
that if someone doesn't get it,
it's their problem --

257
00:12:34,760 --> 00:12:36,680
that it's not my job to educate them.

258
00:12:37,560 --> 00:12:38,896
But if it were that simple,

259
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:40,720
we would all see things the same way.

260
00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:43,816
As kind as my friends on Twitter were,

261
00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:46,216
if they hadn't actually
made their arguments,

262
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:49,800
it would've been so much harder for me
to see the world in a different way.

263
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:53,376
We are all a product of our upbringing,

264
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,920
and our beliefs reflect our experiences.

265
00:12:56,560 --> 00:13:00,080
We can't expect others
to spontaneously change their own minds.

266
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:01,976
If we want change,

267
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,720
we have to make the case for it.

268
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:09,216
My friends on Twitter didn't abandon
their beliefs or their principles --

269
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:10,440
only their scorn.

270
00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:14,856
They channeled their
infinitely justifiable offense

271
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:19,000
and came to me with pointed questions
tempered with kindness and humor.

272
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:21,976
They approached me as a human being,

273
00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:23,576
and that was more transformative

274
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:27,840
than two full decades
of outrage, disdain and violence.

275
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:32,536
I know that some might not have
the time or the energy or the patience

276
00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:33,816
for extensive engagement,

277
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:35,896
but as difficult as it can be,

278
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,416
reaching out to someone we disagree with

279
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,720
is an option that is
available to all of us.

280
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:45,096
And I sincerely believe
that we can do hard things,

281
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,760
not just for them
but for us and our future.

282
00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:50,976
Escalating disgust
and intractable conflict

283
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,136
are not what we want for ourselves,

284
00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:54,416
or our country,

285
00:13:54,440 --> 00:13:55,640
or our next generation.

286
00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:01,816
My mom said something to me
a few weeks before I left Westboro,

287
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,256
when I was desperately hoping

288
00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:05,360
there was a way
I could stay with my family.

289
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:09,296
People I have loved
with every pulse of my heart

290
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:12,656
since even before I was
that chubby-cheeked five-year-old,

291
00:14:12,680 --> 00:14:15,360
standing on a picket line
holding a sign I couldn't read.

292
00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:18,816
She said, "You're just a human being,

293
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,520
my dear sweet child."

294
00:14:21,760 --> 00:14:24,016
She was asking me to be humble --

295
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:27,160
not to question
but to trust God and my elders.

296
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:31,496
But to me, she was missing
the bigger picture --

297
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:33,480
that we're all just human beings.

298
00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:37,056
That we should be guided
by that most basic fact,

299
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:40,296
and approach one another
with generosity and compassion.

300
00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:42,616
Each one of us
contributes to the communities

301
00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:45,200
and the cultures and the societies
that we make up.

302
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:50,656
The end of this spiral of rage and blame
begins with one person

303
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:55,440
who refuses to indulge
these destructive, seductive impulses.

304
00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:58,936
We just have to decide
that it's going to start with us.

305
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:00,176
Thank you.

306
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,480
(Applause)