WEBVTT

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Hey, guys! So I watch 
a lot of scary movies now,

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and, honestly, I used to hate 
them when I was younger.

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But now then I started making videos 
and realized how fake they are.

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Now I actually enjoy them, 
but I'm not gonna lie.

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In the back of my mind, 
whenever I'm watching horror movies,

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I want to get scared, but I'm thinking 
of all these other random scenarios

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of how the movie could've went instead.

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Just like every single October, I go 
on a horror movie watching spree.

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Horror, not whore.
HOR-ROR.

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Hodor. 
(deep voice) Hodor.

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But the majority of the time, I kinda 
just ruin the movie for myself

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'cause instead of just sitting 
there and falling into the story

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of the movie, I'm always 
looking for other things.

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How did they make that?
How did they do that effect?

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Who made those costumes?
I wonder how long that person

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had to sit in makeup.
I bet this was going to happen.

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I still don't know what the fox says!

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But the thing that ruins it the most 
for me is that when I'm watching

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these movies, I'm always 
thinking of other scenarios

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of how the movie could've went.
And because I've been watching

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so many horror movies lately,
I've been jotting all these ideas down

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on my phone, and that's why
this video was created.

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So for all of you who watch horror movies,
I'm sorry, I don't mean to ruin

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the movie for you guys.

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But on the bright side,
for all of you people who hate

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scary movies and can't watch them,
hopefully you can watch this video

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and it'll ruin the horror movies for you
the same way it does for me.

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So with that being said, this is what
horror movies would be like

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if they weren't scary.

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Mwahahahaha!

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(high-pitched laugh)

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♪ (scary music) ♪

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♪ (upbeat reggae) ♪

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(thunder rumbles)

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(screaming)

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You'll never stop me!

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- Begone, demon!
- Give me back my daughter!

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Your daughter's already gone!

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You are not welcome in this realm!

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Begone, demon! 
Leave this girl alone!

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You'll never get rid 
of me, you filthy priest!

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(growling)

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By the name of God, and/or any 
other religion that you believe in,

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because we respect other people's religion
and do not judge...

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By the power vested in me,
I now pronounce you

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husband and wiiiiiiiife!

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(room grows quiet)

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Sorry, I kinda spilled
a little bit on the bed.

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Wait, do that again.

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(shrieking)

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I think she's weakened by water.

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Huh. Well, whaddya know!

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All those deaths could've been 
avoided if we just used water.

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(demon continues shrieking)

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♪ (cheerful music) ♪

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(laughter)

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(shrieking)

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Hold on, this is taking too long.
I have a really good idea.

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- What?
- Remember that one trend we were gonna do?

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(gasping)

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(groaning)

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Hey, whazzup?
It's your boy, the priest,

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and we got the demon right here,
who volunteered to do the ALS

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Ice Bucket Challenge.
So here we go.

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♪ (upbeat reggae) ♪

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(saw buzzes)

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(gun shot)

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Ow! What was that?

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- See?
- Oooh!

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It hurts, huh?

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This is Texas.
Everybody has a gun.

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It's time to upgrade, man.

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(groaning)

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♪ (upbeat reggae) ♪

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They say after you watch this tape,
someone calls your house and says,

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"Seven days."

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Then a little girl crawls out of your TV
and kills you seven days later.

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♪ (ominous music) ♪

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Gotta be really honest with you...

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this entire legend sounds really outdated.

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You said I have to watch this tape.
How am I gonna do that?

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I don't have a VCR.
Nobody watches tapes anymore.

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This little girl needs to upgrade
to a DVD, or at least a Blu-ray.

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And you said somebody's 
gonna call my house?

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Nobody can call my house.
I don't have a landline.

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If anything, she would have to call
my cellphone, and I'm not gonna

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answer some random phone number!
And then you said she's gonna

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crawl out of my TV.
Nobody watches TV anymore!

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Maybe if she crawled out of my laptop.
And that's a 15 inch screen

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she would have to crawl through.
She would have to be really small.

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If a girl that small were to kill me--

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Ow! What the hell, dude?!

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There. Ebola.
Now you really have seven days.

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I don't know why I even told you.

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(mutters angrily)

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♪ (upbeat reggae) ♪

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(panting)

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♪ (ominous music) ♪

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(gasps)

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Hmm.

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Hmm.

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- (snaps camera)
- Hmm.

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(shutter clicks repeatedly)

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♪ (whimsical music) ♪

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♪ (upbeat reggae) ♪

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(whimpering)

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(monster groans)

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Oh...my...god!

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You're aca-perfect!

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Guys, I am telling you.
She's gonna be perfect for the bass.

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But is she pitch perfect material?

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Show 'em.

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(low pitched groan)

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Whoa!

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That is deep!

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- What'd I tell you?
- Impressive.

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- Nice.
- Dubstep routine on one.

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Five, six, seven, eight.

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♪ (dubstepping) ♪

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♪ (upbeat reggae) ♪

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(birds chirp)

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- (baaing)
- Shut up! Shhh. Shh. Shhh. Shhhh.

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♪ (upbeat reggae) ♪

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I don't know how to put this.

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I don't believe your son 
is actually in a coma.

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I don't understand.
We moved,

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and these things keep happening!
Why do they keep following us?

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Because it's not the house that's haunted.

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It's your son.

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♪ (ominous music) ♪

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(snoring)

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There we go.

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What? You heard him.
There's nothing we could've done.

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He was insidious.

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But now he's <i>outsidious</i>.

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(panned laughter)

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♪ (upbeat reggae) ♪

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Spirit of the realm...

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are there any of you with us right now?

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It says, "Ye."

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Can you show us a sign that you're here?

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(gasping)

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♪ (mystic chanting) ♪

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Maybe it was...maybe it was the wind.

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Can you show us another 
sign that you're here?

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♪ (mystic chanting) ♪

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I told you.

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Why do they keep coming to me?

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I think it...I think it likes you!

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- Heh.
- What? No, you guys don't know that for sure.

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Come on, man.
The chocolate and the roses?

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- It does like you.
- You think so?

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Aw, look, he's blushing. (chuckles)

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I mean...I...

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♪ (romantic music) ♪

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<i>And that was the first time we met.</i>

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<i>I couldn't take my eyes off her</i>
<i>because, well,</i>

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<i>they were never on her.</i>

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<i>But even though I couldn't see her,</i>
<i>I knew...I had to see her again.</i>

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Ugh.

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(Nigahiga sighs heavily)

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You're...

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even more beautiful 
than I could've ever imagined.

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(gasps)

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♪ (romantic music) ♪

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(gasps)

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(panting)

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(groans) What a crazy nightmare.

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Thank god it's over, though.

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(raspy voice) Or is it?

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(gasps)

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(frantic breathing)

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Oh man.

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This is really starting to get craz--

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(low pitched groaning)

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(gasps)

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(gasping continues)

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- Eee!
- (gasps)

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- (gasping)
- ♪ (dubstep beat) ♪

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(bleating)

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Are you sure she's pitch-perfect material?

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- ♪ (dubstep) ♪
- Oh, that is deep.

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Yeah, that got weird fast.

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And that last one about the Ouija board,
that was just based off the trailer

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that they're playing 
on the TV all the time now.

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On the--I said on the TV.
I sound like a 60 year old man.

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They play that on the TV, right?

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It's getting even weirder!
I'm just gonna stop while I'm ahead.

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I'm not ahead.
I'm behind!

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But thank you guys, again,
so much for watching.

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I hope you guys have 
a very happy and safe Halloween.

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And for once, in my YouTube life,
on a Halloween related video,

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I'm not gonna put up 
one of those scary, loud images.

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You know, that scares the crap 
out of you guys in three, two, one.

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Like I said, I'm not gonna do it.

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For once.

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Which is weird.

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(dead air)

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It's actually even more scary, I think,
that I'm not doing that,

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'cause it's like, 
"What is he gonna do?"

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You know?

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(sighs)

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Teehee!

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So thank you guys so much for watching.
If you wanna see...

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(shrieking)

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..bloopers and behind-the-scenes,
click the one on the left.

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If you want to see last week's video,
click the one on the right.

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And if you want to see anything
that's Halloween related,

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there's no place else to click,
so just click one of those.

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- Ha ha.
- (low pitched groan)

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- And remember--
- (low pitch groan)

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Shut up, Derek!

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[captioned by www.facebook.com/subtitleyoutube]