WEBVTT 00:00:01.839 --> 00:00:04.923 (bright piano music) 00:00:20.301 --> 00:00:23.134 - So the date is August 16th, 2002 00:00:26.673 --> 00:00:29.923 and flying over a valley in Afghanistan 00:00:31.465 --> 00:00:33.298 are two A-10 Warthogs. 00:00:34.567 --> 00:00:38.270 An A-10 is a heavily armored, low-flying, 00:00:38.270 --> 00:00:42.103 slow aircraft designed to provide ground cover 00:00:43.053 --> 00:00:45.010 for troops on the ground. 00:00:45.010 --> 00:00:47.441 On this night it's a very, very cloudy night. 00:00:47.441 --> 00:00:48.857 There are storms in the area. 00:00:48.857 --> 00:00:50.989 And these two planes hanging up above just waiting 00:00:50.989 --> 00:00:54.411 in case anybody down below needs help. 00:00:54.411 --> 00:00:55.929 Up there it's gorgeous. 00:00:55.929 --> 00:00:57.634 The moon is bright. 00:00:57.634 --> 00:01:00.817 There's thousand of stars in the sky. 00:01:00.817 --> 00:01:04.964 The clouds look like the snow had just fallen. 00:01:04.964 --> 00:01:06.621 Down below in the valley, however, 00:01:06.621 --> 00:01:08.492 there were 22 special forces, 00:01:08.492 --> 00:01:10.681 special operations forces troops, 00:01:10.681 --> 00:01:13.254 trying to make their way through the country 00:01:13.254 --> 00:01:16.028 and they could feel that something was wrong. 00:01:16.028 --> 00:01:17.445 They felt uneasy. 00:01:18.551 --> 00:01:22.022 One of the pilots up above call signed Johnny Bravo, 00:01:22.022 --> 00:01:24.439 and yes, he stands like this, 00:01:25.837 --> 00:01:27.254 he could feel their unease 00:01:27.254 --> 00:01:28.428 listening to them over the radio 00:01:28.428 --> 00:01:30.682 so he decides he was gonna go down below the cloud 00:01:30.682 --> 00:01:32.390 and just have a look. 00:01:32.390 --> 00:01:34.481 He tells his wingman, "Hang out up here. 00:01:34.481 --> 00:01:35.967 "I'll go see what there is." 00:01:35.967 --> 00:01:38.504 And he points his plane down into the clouds. 00:01:38.504 --> 00:01:40.148 As he's going through the clouds, 00:01:40.148 --> 00:01:42.062 the call comes over the radio. 00:01:42.062 --> 00:01:43.439 Troops in contact. 00:01:43.439 --> 00:01:45.168 Troops in contact is what they say 00:01:45.168 --> 00:01:47.446 when they come under effective fire. 00:01:47.446 --> 00:01:49.230 It means they're in trouble. 00:01:49.230 --> 00:01:51.312 Now Johnny Bravo points his plane straight down. 00:01:51.312 --> 00:01:55.479 The plane's getting thrashed about in the turbulence. 00:01:56.363 --> 00:01:58.995 When he comes out below the clouds 00:01:58.995 --> 00:02:00.973 he's less than 1,000 feet off the ground 00:02:00.973 --> 00:02:02.968 and he's flying in a valley, 00:02:02.968 --> 00:02:04.451 cliffs on both sides. 00:02:04.451 --> 00:02:08.801 This is only 2002 and the planes were not yet equipped 00:02:08.801 --> 00:02:10.870 with ground hugging radar 00:02:10.870 --> 00:02:13.367 and worse, they were using old Russian maps. 00:02:13.367 --> 00:02:15.383 That's all they had at the time. 00:02:15.383 --> 00:02:16.693 The sight that greets him 00:02:16.693 --> 00:02:18.285 is something like he's never seen before, 00:02:18.285 --> 00:02:20.834 not in training and not in the movies. 00:02:20.834 --> 00:02:22.152 He sees tracer fire, 00:02:22.152 --> 00:02:23.591 fire coming from all sides of the valley 00:02:23.591 --> 00:02:26.793 pointed right in the middle where the American forces are. 00:02:26.793 --> 00:02:30.337 He picks a point and starts to lay down suppressing fire. 00:02:30.337 --> 00:02:31.170 He's flying 00:02:31.170 --> 00:02:33.729 and he's in danger of hitting the cliff, of course. 00:02:33.729 --> 00:02:35.540 He knows his speed, he knows his distance from the map, 00:02:35.540 --> 00:02:37.339 and he literally counts out loud 00:02:37.339 --> 00:02:39.122 while he lays down the suppressing fire, 00:02:39.122 --> 00:02:40.379 "One one thousand, two one thousand, 00:02:40.379 --> 00:02:42.405 "three one thousand, four one thousand, five one thousand." 00:02:42.405 --> 00:02:44.537 Pulls hard on the stick, pulls back up into the cloud, 00:02:44.537 --> 00:02:45.809 comes down around again. 00:02:45.809 --> 00:02:46.756 "One one thousand, two one thousand, 00:02:46.756 --> 00:02:48.462 "three one thousand, four one thousand." 00:02:48.462 --> 00:02:50.366 "Good hits, good hits," it says over his radio. 00:02:50.366 --> 00:02:51.612 And again he comes around. 00:02:51.612 --> 00:02:52.780 "One one thousand, two one thousand, 00:02:52.780 --> 00:02:55.408 "three one thousand, four one thousand, five one thousand." 00:02:55.408 --> 00:02:56.698 He runs out of ammunition. 00:02:56.698 --> 00:02:58.143 Fuel is fine. 00:02:58.143 --> 00:03:00.354 Flies back up to the top of the cloud, 00:03:00.354 --> 00:03:03.492 tells his wingman, "You need to get down there." 00:03:03.492 --> 00:03:05.629 His wingman isn't sure about the conditions 00:03:05.629 --> 00:03:08.159 so the two of them fly back down together. 00:03:08.159 --> 00:03:10.011 His wingman lays down the suppressing fire 00:03:10.011 --> 00:03:11.101 and Johnny Bravo counts 00:03:11.101 --> 00:03:13.380 as they fly three feet apart from each other, 00:03:13.380 --> 00:03:14.504 wing to wing. 00:03:14.504 --> 00:03:15.782 "One one thousand, two one thousand, 00:03:15.782 --> 00:03:17.773 "three one thousand, four one thousand, five one thousand." 00:03:17.773 --> 00:03:18.606 Up and around again. 00:03:18.606 --> 00:03:19.693 "One one thousand, two one thousand, 00:03:19.693 --> 00:03:22.666 "three one thousand, four one thousand, five one thousand." 00:03:22.666 --> 00:03:25.211 That night 22 Americans went home alive 00:03:25.211 --> 00:03:27.044 with zero causalities. 00:03:28.592 --> 00:03:29.666 My question is 00:03:29.666 --> 00:03:33.315 is where do people like Johnny Bravo come from? 00:03:33.315 --> 00:03:34.712 Who are they? 00:03:34.712 --> 00:03:37.480 Who would risk their lives for others 00:03:37.480 --> 00:03:40.059 so that they may survive? 00:03:40.059 --> 00:03:41.715 I asked Johnny Bravo. 00:03:41.715 --> 00:03:44.567 I asked him, "Why would you do it? 00:03:44.567 --> 00:03:46.918 "Why would you risk your life so that others may survive?" 00:03:46.918 --> 00:03:48.090 He gave me the same answer 00:03:48.090 --> 00:03:50.583 that everybody in his position gives, 00:03:50.583 --> 00:03:53.152 "Because they would have done it for me." 00:03:53.152 --> 00:03:54.358 Now, if you think about it 00:03:54.358 --> 00:03:56.236 in the military they give medal to people 00:03:56.236 --> 00:03:57.853 who are willing to sacrifice themselves 00:03:57.853 --> 00:03:59.315 so that others may gain. 00:03:59.315 --> 00:04:00.813 In business we give bonuses to people 00:04:00.813 --> 00:04:04.443 who are willing to sacrifice others so that we may gain. 00:04:04.443 --> 00:04:06.305 We have it backwards. 00:04:06.305 --> 00:04:08.233 Wouldn't you like to work in an organization 00:04:08.233 --> 00:04:09.819 in which you have the absolute confidence 00:04:09.819 --> 00:04:11.018 and the absolute knowledge 00:04:11.018 --> 00:04:12.774 that other people that you may or may not know 00:04:12.774 --> 00:04:14.418 who work in the same organization as you 00:04:14.418 --> 00:04:16.000 would be willing to sacrifice themselves 00:04:16.000 --> 00:04:18.521 so that you may survive. 00:04:18.521 --> 00:04:20.466 We're not talking about giving your life. 00:04:20.466 --> 00:04:24.383 We don't even like to give up credit, you know? 00:04:26.975 --> 00:04:30.812 Where do people like Johnny Bravo come from? 00:04:30.812 --> 00:04:32.504 Well it's an age old question. 00:04:32.504 --> 00:04:34.743 They're not born, they're actually made. 00:04:34.743 --> 00:04:36.512 If you look at the human animal, 00:04:36.512 --> 00:04:38.456 the human animal is like a machine. 00:04:38.456 --> 00:04:39.922 There are systems inside our bodies 00:04:39.922 --> 00:04:41.723 that are trying to get us to do things 00:04:41.723 --> 00:04:43.447 that are in the interest of the survival 00:04:43.447 --> 00:04:45.161 of the human animal. 00:04:45.161 --> 00:04:47.921 Just like in a business, in a company, 00:04:47.921 --> 00:04:49.364 if you want people to do something 00:04:49.364 --> 00:04:51.794 you offer them some sort of positive or negative incentive 00:04:51.794 --> 00:04:53.326 to direct the behavior, right? 00:04:53.326 --> 00:04:55.228 If you want people to achieve a certain goal, 00:04:55.228 --> 00:04:57.539 you offer them a bonus if they achieve that goal 00:04:57.539 --> 00:04:59.015 and they'll work towards that goal 00:04:59.015 --> 00:04:59.930 because they want the bonus. 00:04:59.930 --> 00:05:01.233 It's a very simple system. 00:05:01.233 --> 00:05:04.101 The human body works exactly the same way. 00:05:04.101 --> 00:05:05.557 It works exactly the same way. 00:05:05.557 --> 00:05:07.867 Inside our bodies are chemicals 00:05:07.867 --> 00:05:09.693 that are trying to get us to do things 00:05:09.693 --> 00:05:12.045 that are in the best interest of us. 00:05:12.045 --> 00:05:14.998 If you've ever had a feeling of happiness, 00:05:14.998 --> 00:05:17.498 pride, joy, love, fulfillment, 00:05:18.944 --> 00:05:20.955 all of these feelings that we have 00:05:20.955 --> 00:05:23.339 are chemically produced feelings. 00:05:23.339 --> 00:05:27.180 They're produced by four chemicals predominantly. 00:05:27.180 --> 00:05:28.472 These are basically responsible 00:05:28.472 --> 00:05:29.455 for all of the feelings 00:05:29.455 --> 00:05:32.090 that I would generically call happiness. 00:05:32.090 --> 00:05:36.257 They are endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin. 00:05:37.464 --> 00:05:38.297 EDSO. 00:05:40.303 --> 00:05:42.362 These two chemicals, endorphins and dopamine, 00:05:42.362 --> 00:05:44.326 I like to call these the selfish chemicals 00:05:44.326 --> 00:05:47.562 because you don't really need anybody's help to get them. 00:05:47.562 --> 00:05:51.200 Let me tell you a little bit about what they are. 00:05:51.200 --> 00:05:52.080 Endorphins. 00:05:52.080 --> 00:05:55.772 Endorphins are designed to do one thing and one thing only, 00:05:55.772 --> 00:05:57.355 mask physical pain. 00:05:58.519 --> 00:05:59.806 That's it. 00:05:59.806 --> 00:06:01.035 That's what they do. 00:06:01.035 --> 00:06:01.976 If you're a runner, 00:06:01.976 --> 00:06:03.417 if you've ever gone and done heavy exercise 00:06:03.417 --> 00:06:05.731 you've heard of an endorphin rush or a runner's high. 00:06:05.731 --> 00:06:08.053 Basically what's happening is when that runner's out there 00:06:08.053 --> 00:06:11.223 pushing their bodies harder than they've ever pushed before 00:06:11.223 --> 00:06:12.577 they feel good. 00:06:12.577 --> 00:06:16.215 When they're done with their run they feel fantastic. 00:06:16.215 --> 00:06:18.279 Then an hour later they're in pain 00:06:18.279 --> 00:06:21.481 for damage they caused to their muscles an hour before. 00:06:21.481 --> 00:06:23.363 This is what endorphins are designed to do. 00:06:23.363 --> 00:06:25.380 They're designed to make physical pain. 00:06:25.380 --> 00:06:27.204 The caveman reason for this stuff, 00:06:27.204 --> 00:06:29.366 'cause this stuff is all from 50,000 years ago, 00:06:29.366 --> 00:06:32.761 understand homo sapien existed at the same time 00:06:32.761 --> 00:06:34.118 as other hominid species 00:06:34.118 --> 00:06:35.907 and yet we survived and they didn't. 00:06:35.907 --> 00:06:37.552 What is it about this species 00:06:37.552 --> 00:06:39.863 that's so good at survival and thriving? 00:06:39.863 --> 00:06:41.505 Look at the world we've built. 00:06:41.505 --> 00:06:44.206 It's not just that we're smart. 00:06:44.206 --> 00:06:45.315 We're certainly not the strongest 00:06:45.315 --> 00:06:47.135 and we're certainly not the smartest. 00:06:47.135 --> 00:06:49.038 It's that we're social animals. 00:06:49.038 --> 00:06:51.044 We have to do things together. 00:06:51.044 --> 00:06:52.917 We have to look after each other. 00:06:52.917 --> 00:06:54.273 And we have to work together 00:06:54.273 --> 00:06:57.120 to ensure that we survive, that we do well. 00:06:57.120 --> 00:06:59.659 This is how we're designed. 00:06:59.659 --> 00:07:03.602 These chemicals are trying to make that happen. 00:07:03.602 --> 00:07:06.014 In these caveman times 50,000 years ago, 00:07:06.014 --> 00:07:07.347 Paleolithic era, 00:07:08.847 --> 00:07:09.738 we had to eat. 00:07:09.738 --> 00:07:11.574 We're not the strongest, we're not the fastest. 00:07:11.574 --> 00:07:14.567 But there's one thing that the human animal is made for: 00:07:14.567 --> 00:07:15.638 endurance. 00:07:15.638 --> 00:07:17.830 We could track an animal for hours and hours and hours 00:07:17.830 --> 00:07:19.173 and miles and miles and miles 00:07:19.173 --> 00:07:20.912 and if we were tired we'd keep going. 00:07:20.912 --> 00:07:21.898 If we got injured 00:07:21.898 --> 00:07:24.161 or we had to bring the food back to the cave, 00:07:24.161 --> 00:07:25.398 we'd continue to do it. 00:07:25.398 --> 00:07:27.041 It was so good, it felt so good, 00:07:27.041 --> 00:07:29.714 that maybe we'd even volunteer to go hunting the next day 00:07:29.714 --> 00:07:31.511 just like we get addicted to exercise, right? 00:07:31.511 --> 00:07:33.123 Oh my God, it was so much fun yesterday. 00:07:33.123 --> 00:07:36.000 I will totally go hunting tomorrow. 00:07:36.000 --> 00:07:38.889 Good system for the survival of the group. 00:07:38.889 --> 00:07:40.458 Good system. 00:07:40.458 --> 00:07:43.453 By the way, the reason laughing feels good 00:07:43.453 --> 00:07:44.908 is because of endorphins. 00:07:44.908 --> 00:07:47.145 You're actually convulsing your internal organs 00:07:47.145 --> 00:07:49.069 and endorphins are masking the physical pain. 00:07:49.069 --> 00:07:51.191 I'm sure everybody here has laughed so much 00:07:51.191 --> 00:07:52.522 that the endorphins eventually run out 00:07:52.522 --> 00:07:55.193 and you go, "Stop, stop, it hurts." 00:07:55.193 --> 00:07:56.846 (audience laughing) 00:07:56.846 --> 00:07:57.757 Endorphins. 00:07:57.757 --> 00:07:58.910 They feel good. 00:07:58.910 --> 00:07:59.970 Dopamine. 00:07:59.970 --> 00:08:02.176 Dopamine is the feeling 00:08:02.176 --> 00:08:04.183 that you found something you're looking for 00:08:04.183 --> 00:08:06.878 or that you accomplish something you set out to accomplish. 00:08:06.878 --> 00:08:07.946 You know that feeling you get 00:08:07.946 --> 00:08:10.451 when you cross something off your to do list? 00:08:10.451 --> 00:08:11.504 That's dopamine. 00:08:11.504 --> 00:08:12.337 Feels awesome. 00:08:12.337 --> 00:08:14.180 You know when you have a goal to hit 00:08:14.180 --> 00:08:16.558 and you achieve that goal and you're like, "Yes!" 00:08:16.558 --> 00:08:18.359 You feel like you've won something, right? 00:08:18.359 --> 00:08:19.412 That's dopamine. 00:08:19.412 --> 00:08:20.823 The whole purpose of dopamine 00:08:20.823 --> 00:08:24.073 is to make sure that we get stuff done. 00:08:24.948 --> 00:08:27.244 The historical reason for dopamine, 00:08:27.244 --> 00:08:30.901 we would never eat if we only waited until we got hungry 00:08:30.901 --> 00:08:33.573 because there was no guarantee that we would find food. 00:08:33.573 --> 00:08:36.163 So dopamine exists to help us go looking for food. 00:08:36.163 --> 00:08:37.910 We get dopamine when we eat, 00:08:37.910 --> 00:08:39.813 which is one of the reasons we like eating, 00:08:39.813 --> 00:08:41.020 and so when you see something 00:08:41.020 --> 00:08:42.758 that reminds you of something that feels good 00:08:42.758 --> 00:08:44.066 we wanna do the behavior 00:08:44.066 --> 00:08:46.166 that helps us get that feeling, right? 00:08:46.166 --> 00:08:47.748 Let's say you're out there going for a walk 00:08:47.748 --> 00:08:49.993 and you see an apple tree in the distance. 00:08:49.993 --> 00:08:50.837 (fingers snapping) You get a small hit 00:08:50.837 --> 00:08:51.715 of dopamine. 00:08:51.715 --> 00:08:54.320 Then what it does is it focuses us on our goals. 00:08:54.320 --> 00:08:56.402 Now we start walking towards the apple tree. 00:08:56.402 --> 00:08:59.500 As the apple tree starts to get a little bigger, 00:08:59.500 --> 00:09:00.802 we feel like we're making progress, 00:09:00.802 --> 00:09:01.738 (fingers snapping) you get another little shot 00:09:01.738 --> 00:09:02.616 of dopamine 00:09:02.616 --> 00:09:03.449 (fingers snapping) and another little 00:09:03.449 --> 00:09:04.630 shot of dopamine until you get to the tree 00:09:04.630 --> 00:09:06.283 and you're like, "Yes!" 00:09:06.283 --> 00:09:09.752 This is why we're told you must write down your goals. 00:09:09.752 --> 00:09:11.761 Your goals must be tangible. 00:09:11.761 --> 00:09:13.676 There's a biological reason for that. 00:09:13.676 --> 00:09:15.960 We're very, very visually oriented animals. 00:09:15.960 --> 00:09:18.796 You have to be able to see the goal 00:09:18.796 --> 00:09:22.134 for it to biologically stay focused. 00:09:22.134 --> 00:09:23.269 If you don't write down your goals, 00:09:23.269 --> 00:09:24.652 if you can't see your goals, 00:09:24.652 --> 00:09:28.145 it's very hard to get motivated, to get inspired. 00:09:28.145 --> 00:09:30.756 For example, think about corporate visions. 00:09:30.756 --> 00:09:33.988 A corporate vision has to be some thing we can see. 00:09:33.988 --> 00:09:36.222 That's why it's called a vision. 00:09:36.222 --> 00:09:37.866 You can see it. 00:09:37.866 --> 00:09:39.799 To be the biggest, most respected, 00:09:39.799 --> 00:09:42.682 to be the fastest growing are not visions. 00:09:42.682 --> 00:09:44.428 They're nothing. 00:09:44.428 --> 00:09:45.946 What does that even look like? 00:09:45.946 --> 00:09:47.153 Respected by whom? 00:09:47.153 --> 00:09:48.504 Your mother, your self, 00:09:48.504 --> 00:09:50.846 your friends, your shareholders, who knows? 00:09:50.846 --> 00:09:51.739 What's the metric? 00:09:51.739 --> 00:09:52.677 Don't know. 00:09:52.677 --> 00:09:53.543 It's amorphous. 00:09:53.543 --> 00:09:55.175 Doesn't motivate us. 00:09:55.175 --> 00:09:56.663 Just like I can't tell you 00:09:56.663 --> 00:10:00.385 you will get a bonus if you achieve more. 00:10:00.385 --> 00:10:02.277 You're gonna ask me, "How much more?" 00:10:02.277 --> 00:10:04.732 I'm gonna say, "More." 00:10:04.732 --> 00:10:05.722 Doesn't work. 00:10:05.722 --> 00:10:07.630 You need a tangible goal. 00:10:07.630 --> 00:10:09.000 You need a tangible goal. 00:10:09.000 --> 00:10:10.975 Here's a great vision. 00:10:10.975 --> 00:10:13.820 Martin Luther King, I have a dream 00:10:13.820 --> 00:10:17.383 that one day little black children and little white children 00:10:17.383 --> 00:10:18.600 will play on the playground together 00:10:18.600 --> 00:10:19.909 then hold hands together. 00:10:19.909 --> 00:10:21.140 We can imagine that. 00:10:21.140 --> 00:10:22.686 We can set our sights on that. 00:10:22.686 --> 00:10:25.275 Every time we achieve a goal and achieve a metric 00:10:25.275 --> 00:10:26.147 and achieve a milestone 00:10:26.147 --> 00:10:28.620 that makes us feel like we're making progress 00:10:28.620 --> 00:10:30.333 to the vision we can see, 00:10:30.333 --> 00:10:31.166 (fingers snapping) 00:10:31.166 --> 00:10:31.999 we keep going and going and going 00:10:31.999 --> 00:10:34.150 until we achieve something remarkable. 00:10:34.150 --> 00:10:35.516 You have to be able to see it. 00:10:35.516 --> 00:10:36.349 Dopamine. 00:10:38.361 --> 00:10:40.754 Like I said, dopamine is the feeling you get 00:10:40.754 --> 00:10:41.918 when you set out to find something 00:10:41.918 --> 00:10:43.326 you're looking for, as well. 00:10:43.326 --> 00:10:44.869 We talked about the to do list. 00:10:44.869 --> 00:10:47.978 I came home from a trip just a couple days ago 00:10:47.978 --> 00:10:49.545 and I had a bunch of errands to run 00:10:49.545 --> 00:10:51.904 and I wrote down a little list of things I had to do 00:10:51.904 --> 00:10:53.902 and off I went. 00:10:53.902 --> 00:10:56.452 As I was walking past, I think it was the dry cleaners, 00:10:56.452 --> 00:10:58.747 I don't remember, I was walking past something, 00:10:58.747 --> 00:11:00.013 I remembered oh, I have to do that 00:11:00.013 --> 00:11:02.665 and I hadn't written it down on my to do list 00:11:02.665 --> 00:11:04.963 so I went in and finished what I needed to do 00:11:04.963 --> 00:11:08.093 and then when I came out I then wrote it on my to do list 00:11:08.093 --> 00:11:09.512 and then crossed it out. 00:11:09.512 --> 00:11:10.950 (audience laughing) 00:11:10.950 --> 00:11:12.136 'Cause I wanted the dopamine. 00:11:12.136 --> 00:11:13.053 Feels good. 00:11:15.472 --> 00:11:18.258 Dopamine comes with a warning. 00:11:18.258 --> 00:11:22.008 Dopamine is highly, highly, highly addictive. 00:11:24.483 --> 00:11:27.242 Here's some other things that release dopamine. 00:11:27.242 --> 00:11:30.992 Alcohol, nicotine, gambling, your cell phone. 00:11:33.243 --> 00:11:34.076 (audience laughing) 00:11:34.076 --> 00:11:35.472 Oh, you think I'm joking. 00:11:35.472 --> 00:11:36.839 Okay, we've all been told 00:11:36.839 --> 00:11:39.672 that if you wake up in the morning 00:11:41.004 --> 00:11:44.694 and you crave a drink, you might be an alcoholic. 00:11:44.694 --> 00:11:45.780 Well if you wake up in the morning 00:11:45.780 --> 00:11:46.866 and the first thing you do is check your phone 00:11:46.866 --> 00:11:49.813 before you even get out of bed, 00:11:49.813 --> 00:11:51.270 you might be an addict. 00:11:51.270 --> 00:11:54.497 If you walk from room to room in your own apartment 00:11:54.497 --> 00:11:55.930 holding your telephone, 00:11:55.930 --> 00:11:58.930 (audience laughing) 00:12:01.411 --> 00:12:03.409 you might be an addict. 00:12:03.409 --> 00:12:05.019 When you're driving in your car 00:12:05.019 --> 00:12:08.113 and you get a text and your phone goes beep, 00:12:08.113 --> 00:12:11.422 we hate email, true, we love the beep, the buzz, the ding. 00:12:11.422 --> 00:12:14.063 (moaning) 00:12:14.063 --> 00:12:14.905 Right? 00:12:14.905 --> 00:12:16.296 You'll be there in 10 minutes 00:12:16.296 --> 00:12:19.454 and yet you have to look at it right now. 00:12:19.454 --> 00:12:20.479 You might be an addict. 00:12:20.479 --> 00:12:21.312 Even if you read it 00:12:21.312 --> 00:12:23.810 and it says are you free for dinner next Thursday 00:12:23.810 --> 00:12:25.427 and you have to reply immediately, 00:12:25.427 --> 00:12:28.700 you can't wait the 10 minutes, you might be an addict. 00:12:28.700 --> 00:12:30.229 For all you gen y's out there 00:12:30.229 --> 00:12:31.846 who like to think that you're better at multitasking 00:12:31.846 --> 00:12:33.502 because you grew up with the technology, 00:12:33.502 --> 00:12:36.777 then why do you keep crashing your cars when you're texting? 00:12:36.777 --> 00:12:38.341 (audience laughing) 00:12:38.341 --> 00:12:39.990 You're not better at multitasking, 00:12:39.990 --> 00:12:41.780 you're better at getting distracted. 00:12:41.780 --> 00:12:44.863 In fact if you look at the statistics 00:12:45.834 --> 00:12:47.782 diagnoses of ADD and ADHD 00:12:47.782 --> 00:12:51.145 have risen 66% in the past 10 years. 00:12:51.145 --> 00:12:55.198 ADD and ADHD is a frontal lobe disorder. 00:12:55.198 --> 00:12:56.947 Are you telling me out of nowhere 00:12:56.947 --> 00:12:59.929 66% of our youth have a frontal problem? 00:12:59.929 --> 00:13:01.168 Where did that come from? 00:13:01.168 --> 00:13:03.795 No, it's a misdiagnosis. 00:13:03.795 --> 00:13:07.367 What are the symptoms of a dopamine addiction to technology? 00:13:07.367 --> 00:13:08.313 Distractibility, 00:13:08.313 --> 00:13:10.694 inability to get things done, 00:13:10.694 --> 00:13:14.836 easily distracted, shortness of attention, 00:13:14.836 --> 00:13:17.633 it's all the same thing so we misdiagnose things. 00:13:17.633 --> 00:13:18.466 It's this. 00:13:18.466 --> 00:13:20.556 It's the addictive quality of dopamine. 00:13:20.556 --> 00:13:23.448 We can also get addicted to performance in our companies 00:13:23.448 --> 00:13:25.325 when all they do is give us numbers to hit, 00:13:25.325 --> 00:13:26.586 numbers to hit, numbers to hit, 00:13:26.586 --> 00:13:28.362 and a bonus you get and a bonus you get 00:13:28.362 --> 00:13:29.378 and a bonus you get. 00:13:29.378 --> 00:13:31.042 All they're doing is feeding us with dopamine 00:13:31.042 --> 00:13:32.182 and we can't help ourselves. 00:13:32.182 --> 00:13:34.032 All we do is want more, more, and more. 00:13:34.032 --> 00:13:37.114 It's no surprise that the banks destroyed the economy 00:13:37.114 --> 00:13:39.533 because one of the things we know about a dopamine addict 00:13:39.533 --> 00:13:41.198 is they will do anything to get another hit, 00:13:41.198 --> 00:13:43.074 sometimes at the sacrifice of their own resources 00:13:43.074 --> 00:13:43.986 and their relationships. 00:13:43.986 --> 00:13:47.013 Ask any alcoholic, gambling addict, or drug addict. 00:13:47.013 --> 00:13:48.957 Ask them how their relationships are doing 00:13:48.957 --> 00:13:51.366 and if they've squandered any of their resources. 00:13:51.366 --> 00:13:52.520 It's an addiction. 00:13:52.520 --> 00:13:56.020 Dopamine is dangerous if it is unbalanced. 00:13:57.081 --> 00:13:58.301 It is hugely helpful 00:13:58.301 --> 00:14:00.415 when in a comfortable and balanced system. 00:14:00.415 --> 00:14:04.582 But when unbalanced it's dangerous and it's destructive. 00:14:06.066 --> 00:14:08.354 You don't need anybody's help to get these. 00:14:08.354 --> 00:14:11.772 Go for a run, achieve your goals, you'll get dopamine, 00:14:11.772 --> 00:14:13.358 you'll get endorphins, 00:14:13.358 --> 00:14:14.790 but you won't have any feeling 00:14:14.790 --> 00:14:16.551 of fulfillment or love or trust. 00:14:16.551 --> 00:14:17.724 That's where these come in. 00:14:17.724 --> 00:14:19.711 These are attempting to manage these. 00:14:19.711 --> 00:14:21.511 This is what makes our society great. 00:14:21.511 --> 00:14:24.720 This is where people like Johnny Bravo come from. 00:14:24.720 --> 00:14:26.610 It's because of these two chemicals 00:14:26.610 --> 00:14:30.006 that leaders really fulfill their great responsibility. 00:14:30.006 --> 00:14:32.506 Outside in the world is danger 00:14:33.805 --> 00:14:36.450 at all times for various reasons. 00:14:36.450 --> 00:14:37.685 In caveman times 00:14:37.685 --> 00:14:41.495 that danger may have been a saber-toothed tiger, 00:14:41.495 --> 00:14:42.890 it may have been the weather, 00:14:42.890 --> 00:14:44.890 it may have been a lack of resources, 00:14:44.890 --> 00:14:47.061 it may have been who knows, any number of things, 00:14:47.061 --> 00:14:50.240 things that with no conscience are trying to kill you. 00:14:50.240 --> 00:14:52.216 They want to end your life. 00:14:52.216 --> 00:14:54.028 So how do we survive? 00:14:54.028 --> 00:14:55.390 We work together. 00:14:55.390 --> 00:14:58.280 Together we come together in our groups 00:14:58.280 --> 00:15:00.653 and our companies and our tribes 00:15:00.653 --> 00:15:02.316 to feel like we belong, 00:15:02.316 --> 00:15:04.376 to be around people who believe what we believe 00:15:04.376 --> 00:15:06.459 so that we may feel safe. 00:15:07.351 --> 00:15:09.083 When we're surrounded by people 00:15:09.083 --> 00:15:11.510 who have our best interest in mind and we feel safe 00:15:11.510 --> 00:15:13.393 we will organize ourselves and cooperate 00:15:13.393 --> 00:15:14.974 to face the dangers externally. 00:15:14.974 --> 00:15:18.248 Don't forget the outside dangers are a constant. 00:15:18.248 --> 00:15:19.129 In a modern world 00:15:19.129 --> 00:15:20.946 the outside dangers may be your competition 00:15:20.946 --> 00:15:22.177 that's trying to put you out of business, 00:15:22.177 --> 00:15:23.829 or at least steal your business. 00:15:23.829 --> 00:15:26.423 It might be the ebbs and flows of the economy. 00:15:26.423 --> 00:15:27.557 It might be terrorism. 00:15:27.557 --> 00:15:30.287 All of these unknowns all trying to put you out of business, 00:15:30.287 --> 00:15:32.538 take away your job, take away your livelihood, 00:15:32.538 --> 00:15:33.421 end it for you. 00:15:33.421 --> 00:15:34.799 Nothing personal. 00:15:34.799 --> 00:15:36.270 It's a constant. 00:15:36.270 --> 00:15:37.718 Inside our organizations 00:15:37.718 --> 00:15:41.885 the dangers we face are not a constant, they are a variable. 00:15:42.888 --> 00:15:45.742 They are the decisions of leadership 00:15:45.742 --> 00:15:49.108 as to how safe they make us feel when we go to work. 00:15:49.108 --> 00:15:51.358 This is the job of leaders. 00:15:52.266 --> 00:15:55.009 Aesop said it better than I can. 00:15:55.009 --> 00:15:56.997 There's an Aesop fable 00:15:56.997 --> 00:15:59.559 about four oxen that stand tail to tail. 00:15:59.559 --> 00:16:01.440 Whenever the lion tries to eat them, 00:16:01.440 --> 00:16:03.927 no matter what angle from which he attacks, 00:16:03.927 --> 00:16:06.396 he will always be met with horns. 00:16:06.396 --> 00:16:08.932 However, due to infighting and disagreements 00:16:08.932 --> 00:16:11.926 they separate and they go and graze 00:16:11.926 --> 00:16:14.186 in different parts of the field. 00:16:14.186 --> 00:16:18.676 And one by one the lion picks them off and kills them all. 00:16:18.676 --> 00:16:20.926 When we stand together, 00:16:20.926 --> 00:16:23.906 we can more easily face the dangers outside. 00:16:23.906 --> 00:16:25.891 When we break up inside our companies, 00:16:25.891 --> 00:16:27.502 if our leaders don't allow us a space 00:16:27.502 --> 00:16:29.446 to feel safe inside our own companies, 00:16:29.446 --> 00:16:30.875 to feel like we belong, 00:16:30.875 --> 00:16:33.949 then we have to, we're forced to exert our own energy 00:16:33.949 --> 00:16:36.389 to protect ourselves from each other 00:16:36.389 --> 00:16:38.042 and, by the way, expose ourselves 00:16:38.042 --> 00:16:40.078 to greater danger from the outside. 00:16:40.078 --> 00:16:41.732 If you have to worry about politics, 00:16:41.732 --> 00:16:43.742 if you have to worry about someone stealing your credit, 00:16:43.742 --> 00:16:46.715 if you have to worry about your boss not having your back, 00:16:46.715 --> 00:16:49.562 think about the energy you invest, not in your business, 00:16:49.562 --> 00:16:51.355 not in the products you're trying to develop, 00:16:51.355 --> 00:16:54.070 not in your work, not in how great you're producing, 00:16:54.070 --> 00:16:55.164 not in your creativity, 00:16:55.164 --> 00:16:58.540 but in just keeping yourself feeling safe. 00:16:58.540 --> 00:17:00.207 This is destructive. 00:17:01.531 --> 00:17:03.357 The responsibility of leadership is two things. 00:17:03.357 --> 00:17:07.012 One, to determine who gets in and who doesn't get in. 00:17:07.012 --> 00:17:08.621 This is what it means to start with why. 00:17:08.621 --> 00:17:10.203 What are our values, what are our beliefs? 00:17:10.203 --> 00:17:11.863 Who can we allow in? 00:17:11.863 --> 00:17:15.002 Second thing is to decide how big this is. 00:17:15.002 --> 00:17:16.919 How big do we make the circle of safety? 00:17:16.919 --> 00:17:18.880 How big do we make the circle of belonging? 00:17:18.880 --> 00:17:21.449 Do we keep it around just our c-level executives 00:17:21.449 --> 00:17:23.473 and call it an inner circle 00:17:23.473 --> 00:17:25.933 and allow others to try and fend for themselves 00:17:25.933 --> 00:17:29.249 and maybe trying to get into our inner circle? 00:17:29.249 --> 00:17:30.174 Or do we extend it 00:17:30.174 --> 00:17:32.329 to the outermost edges of the organization? 00:17:32.329 --> 00:17:34.671 Great leaders extend the circle of safety, 00:17:34.671 --> 00:17:37.575 the circle of belonging, out to the outer most edges 00:17:37.575 --> 00:17:41.523 so the most junior person feels like they belong, 00:17:41.523 --> 00:17:45.093 feels safe, feels like they have top cover 00:17:45.093 --> 00:17:47.357 from somebody like Johnny Bravo. 00:17:47.357 --> 00:17:51.844 That's what these other two chemicals are trying to do. 00:17:51.844 --> 00:17:54.605 Serotonin is the leadership chemical, 00:17:54.605 --> 00:17:58.605 is responsible for feelings of pride and status. 00:18:00.921 --> 00:18:03.379 This is why public recognition is very important. 00:18:03.379 --> 00:18:06.926 We are social animals and we need the recognition of others. 00:18:06.926 --> 00:18:08.611 This is why we have the Oscars 00:18:08.611 --> 00:18:11.383 and this is why we have public awards events. 00:18:11.383 --> 00:18:14.576 This is why we have commencement for graduation. 00:18:14.576 --> 00:18:15.484 Think about it. 00:18:15.484 --> 00:18:18.595 What does it really take to graduate college? 00:18:18.595 --> 00:18:19.981 You need to pay your bills, 00:18:19.981 --> 00:18:21.405 fulfill the minimum requirements, 00:18:21.405 --> 00:18:23.671 and collect enough credits. 00:18:23.671 --> 00:18:24.951 That's it. 00:18:24.951 --> 00:18:26.104 It's a formula. 00:18:26.104 --> 00:18:28.231 You can get an email that says congratulations, 00:18:28.231 --> 00:18:31.368 you've fulfilled all the requirements for graduation, 00:18:31.368 --> 00:18:35.047 enclosed please print out the PDF of your diploma. 00:18:35.047 --> 00:18:36.845 PS, magna cum laude. 00:18:36.845 --> 00:18:37.932 Right? 00:18:37.932 --> 00:18:39.667 Wouldn't feel so good, right? 00:18:39.667 --> 00:18:42.008 Instead we have a big ceremony 00:18:42.008 --> 00:18:43.949 to recognize the accomplishment. 00:18:43.949 --> 00:18:47.322 In the audience we put our family and our friends 00:18:47.322 --> 00:18:49.183 and our teachers, all of those in our tribe 00:18:49.183 --> 00:18:51.375 who have supported us and watched our backs 00:18:51.375 --> 00:18:53.191 as we've made it through. 00:18:53.191 --> 00:18:54.655 Then we show up on that day 00:18:54.655 --> 00:18:57.421 and we go up on that stage and we take our diploma. 00:18:57.421 --> 00:18:58.526 It feels great. 00:18:58.526 --> 00:19:01.323 We feel our status rise, we feel our pride go up. 00:19:01.323 --> 00:19:03.549 By the way, when you have serotonin in your veins 00:19:03.549 --> 00:19:05.975 your confidence goes up also. 00:19:05.975 --> 00:19:09.039 Here's the best part about serotonin. 00:19:09.039 --> 00:19:12.547 At the exact moment that you took your diploma 00:19:12.547 --> 00:19:14.971 and you felt that surge of serotonin go through your body, 00:19:14.971 --> 00:19:18.146 at the exact moment your parents sitting in the audience 00:19:18.146 --> 00:19:19.647 also got a surge of serotonin 00:19:19.647 --> 00:19:22.866 and also felt an intense pride watching you graduate. 00:19:22.866 --> 00:19:25.827 This is what serotonin is trying to do. 00:19:25.827 --> 00:19:28.437 It is trying to reinforce the relationship 00:19:28.437 --> 00:19:31.585 between parent and child, boss and employee, 00:19:31.585 --> 00:19:34.215 coach and player, the caregiver 00:19:34.215 --> 00:19:38.605 and the one who is grateful for the support they are given. 00:19:38.605 --> 00:19:39.681 Think about it. 00:19:39.681 --> 00:19:41.856 Think of the speeches that we give. 00:19:41.856 --> 00:19:44.146 If you give an award to somebody, what do they say? 00:19:44.146 --> 00:19:45.463 I couldn't have done it, 00:19:45.463 --> 00:19:47.616 I thank God, I thank my parents, I thank my coach. 00:19:47.616 --> 00:19:51.233 We thank the person who we believe was looking out for us. 00:19:51.233 --> 00:19:54.580 "We could not have done this without them," we say. 00:19:54.580 --> 00:19:57.758 And they look at us and they say, "I'm so proud of you." 00:19:57.758 --> 00:19:59.777 And we work to make them proud. 00:19:59.777 --> 00:20:01.702 Great teams don't wanna win the trophy. 00:20:01.702 --> 00:20:04.155 Great teams wanna win one for the coach. 00:20:04.155 --> 00:20:06.410 They wanna make the coach proud. 00:20:06.410 --> 00:20:09.071 We wanna make our parents proud. 00:20:09.071 --> 00:20:11.903 It raises our status and it raises our confidence 00:20:11.903 --> 00:20:14.619 and it feels good and we in turn will look after others 00:20:14.619 --> 00:20:16.010 so that they may accomplish the same. 00:20:16.010 --> 00:20:20.080 This is what serotonin is trying desperately to do. 00:20:20.080 --> 00:20:22.963 The problem is you can trick serotonin. 00:20:22.963 --> 00:20:25.220 We live in a materialist society 00:20:25.220 --> 00:20:27.701 so we judge status very often in our country 00:20:27.701 --> 00:20:30.135 based on how much money you make. 00:20:30.135 --> 00:20:33.865 Any conspicuous display of wealth raises your status. 00:20:33.865 --> 00:20:37.482 This is why they put the logos on the outside. 00:20:37.482 --> 00:20:38.810 No good on the inside. 00:20:38.810 --> 00:20:40.660 Nobody can see them. 00:20:40.660 --> 00:20:44.763 We want the red line of our Prada glasses. 00:20:44.763 --> 00:20:46.556 You own a pair of designer shoes, 00:20:46.556 --> 00:20:49.057 how good does it feel to put on your Gucci shoes? 00:20:49.057 --> 00:20:50.227 Oh my God, it feels so good 00:20:50.227 --> 00:20:51.948 and you walk out and you feel a million bucks. 00:20:51.948 --> 00:20:53.836 You can actually feel your confidence rise 00:20:53.836 --> 00:20:55.913 when you put on the stuff 00:20:55.913 --> 00:20:58.759 because it's showing this display of status. 00:20:58.759 --> 00:20:59.844 It feels great. 00:20:59.844 --> 00:21:01.989 The problem is there was no relationship 00:21:01.989 --> 00:21:03.498 that was reinforced because of it. 00:21:03.498 --> 00:21:05.116 You tricked the system. 00:21:05.116 --> 00:21:07.195 That's why we keep trying to accomplish things 00:21:07.195 --> 00:21:09.691 and accumulate more and more material goods 00:21:09.691 --> 00:21:11.396 and yet we never feel successful 00:21:11.396 --> 00:21:13.903 because there was no relationship. 00:21:13.903 --> 00:21:16.582 We tricked it, we gamed it. 00:21:16.582 --> 00:21:19.311 Serotonin is the leadership chemical. 00:21:19.311 --> 00:21:20.604 The reason I call it the leadership chemical 00:21:20.604 --> 00:21:24.064 is a historical reason, a very simple historical reason. 00:21:24.064 --> 00:21:26.001 We had a very practical problem 00:21:26.001 --> 00:21:27.440 as our animal was developing, 00:21:27.440 --> 00:21:28.940 as the homo sapien was developing. 00:21:28.940 --> 00:21:33.107 We lived in communities of about 100 and 150 people 00:21:34.203 --> 00:21:35.987 and this is a very practical issue 00:21:35.987 --> 00:21:37.132 which is if we're hungry 00:21:37.132 --> 00:21:38.228 and somebody brings back food 00:21:38.228 --> 00:21:40.092 and drop a carcass on the floor, 00:21:40.092 --> 00:21:42.606 we're all gonna rush in to eat. 00:21:42.606 --> 00:21:44.996 If you're lucky enough to be built like a linebacker 00:21:44.996 --> 00:21:47.471 you will elbow your way to the front. 00:21:47.471 --> 00:21:49.477 If you're the artistic one of the family 00:21:49.477 --> 00:21:52.193 (audience laughing) 00:21:52.193 --> 00:21:54.497 you get the elbow in the face. 00:21:54.497 --> 00:21:57.716 Not a good system to keep the whole tribe alive 00:21:57.716 --> 00:22:00.710 and definitely not a good system for cooperation. 00:22:00.710 --> 00:22:03.073 'Cause remember the value of group living 00:22:03.073 --> 00:22:05.879 means that if I trust you and you trust me, 00:22:05.879 --> 00:22:07.699 I can fall asleep at night 00:22:07.699 --> 00:22:09.650 and trust that you will alert me to danger. 00:22:09.650 --> 00:22:11.844 If I don't trust you, I can't go to sleep at night. 00:22:11.844 --> 00:22:13.288 It's the same in our companies. 00:22:13.288 --> 00:22:15.104 If we trust each other, we will turn our backs, 00:22:15.104 --> 00:22:16.704 we will take risks, we will innovate, 00:22:16.704 --> 00:22:19.137 we will do things that will change the course of our world. 00:22:19.137 --> 00:22:21.930 If I don't trust you I can't do that. 00:22:21.930 --> 00:22:22.888 I can't do that. 00:22:22.888 --> 00:22:24.988 There's value in group living and group working. 00:22:24.988 --> 00:22:27.193 If you got an elbow in the face that afternoon, 00:22:27.193 --> 00:22:29.518 odds are very high that you're not gonna wake the guy 00:22:29.518 --> 00:22:31.373 who punched you of dangers there. 00:22:31.373 --> 00:22:32.599 You're just not gonna do it. 00:22:32.599 --> 00:22:33.958 Bad system. 00:22:33.958 --> 00:22:37.358 We evolved into higher hierarchical animals. 00:22:37.358 --> 00:22:39.733 We're constantly assessing and judging each other, 00:22:39.733 --> 00:22:41.647 constantly ranging ourselves. 00:22:41.647 --> 00:22:43.476 Who's the alpha, who's the dominant, 00:22:43.476 --> 00:22:47.199 who's the one who sort of is the more dominant personality 00:22:47.199 --> 00:22:49.782 or dominant talent in the room? 00:22:50.768 --> 00:22:53.017 In caveman times it might have been physical muscle. 00:22:53.017 --> 00:22:54.971 In the creative industry it might be talent. 00:22:54.971 --> 00:22:57.132 In the military it might be courage. 00:22:57.132 --> 00:23:00.680 There's no standard by which we judge alphas. 00:23:00.680 --> 00:23:03.192 It's relative to the industries we're in. 00:23:03.192 --> 00:23:04.855 It's relative to us, as well. 00:23:04.855 --> 00:23:06.044 If you've ever met someone 00:23:06.044 --> 00:23:09.415 and you were nervous while you were meeting them, 00:23:09.415 --> 00:23:11.482 you're not the alpha. 00:23:11.482 --> 00:23:13.400 We've all had the experience where we're meeting somebody 00:23:13.400 --> 00:23:15.870 and we can sense that they're nervous meeting us. 00:23:15.870 --> 00:23:17.432 You're the alpha. 00:23:17.432 --> 00:23:19.720 I'll tell you a little aside that's kind of funny. 00:23:19.720 --> 00:23:21.983 You know when women all live together 00:23:21.983 --> 00:23:24.400 their menstrual cycles align? 00:23:26.780 --> 00:23:29.627 Assuming they're not on the pill, then it doesn't work. 00:23:29.627 --> 00:23:30.602 But if they're not on the pill 00:23:30.602 --> 00:23:31.570 then all the menstrual cycles 00:23:31.570 --> 00:23:33.530 go together on the same schedule. 00:23:33.530 --> 00:23:35.497 It's not arbitrary. 00:23:35.497 --> 00:23:38.935 They always align with the alpha female's schedule. 00:23:38.935 --> 00:23:39.943 The reason is 00:23:39.943 --> 00:23:42.057 is because when a woman is in her menstrual cycle 00:23:42.057 --> 00:23:43.432 she can't bear children. 00:23:43.432 --> 00:23:44.658 So in evolutionary terms 00:23:44.658 --> 00:23:46.423 you want the alpha male and the alpha female 00:23:46.423 --> 00:23:48.599 to do it so you can have alpha children, 00:23:48.599 --> 00:23:50.791 nice, strong, strapping kids who are gonna survive, 00:23:50.791 --> 00:23:53.499 but if she's off the market that produces competition. 00:23:53.499 --> 00:23:56.418 Mother nature has created a very clever way 00:23:56.418 --> 00:23:59.013 that when she's off the market everyone's off the market. 00:23:59.013 --> 00:24:00.533 (audience laughing) 00:24:00.533 --> 00:24:02.866 (chuckling) 00:24:05.216 --> 00:24:06.633 Back to the talk. 00:24:09.843 --> 00:24:10.743 We're constantly judging 00:24:10.743 --> 00:24:12.882 and assessing each other who's alpha. 00:24:12.882 --> 00:24:15.366 What we do is when we assess that someone else is the alpha 00:24:15.366 --> 00:24:18.702 we voluntarily take a step back 00:24:18.702 --> 00:24:20.850 and allow them to eat first. 00:24:20.850 --> 00:24:23.753 Alphas get first choice of meat and first choice of mate. 00:24:23.753 --> 00:24:24.973 Good system. 00:24:24.973 --> 00:24:25.839 Good system. 00:24:25.839 --> 00:24:26.867 The alpha gets to eat first. 00:24:26.867 --> 00:24:28.632 The rest of us may not get the best cut of meat, 00:24:28.632 --> 00:24:29.873 but we will get to eat eventually 00:24:29.873 --> 00:24:31.599 and we won't get an elbow in the face. 00:24:31.599 --> 00:24:32.432 Good system. 00:24:32.432 --> 00:24:34.350 We'll happily alert them to danger later. 00:24:34.350 --> 00:24:35.442 Good system. 00:24:35.442 --> 00:24:38.265 This is why we're constantly trying to raise our status 00:24:38.265 --> 00:24:40.848 is because there are benefits to being the alpha. 00:24:40.848 --> 00:24:42.968 People will do things for us and step back 00:24:42.968 --> 00:24:44.635 and offer us favors. 00:24:45.848 --> 00:24:48.966 To this day we're perfectly comfortable 00:24:48.966 --> 00:24:51.802 giving special treatment to our alphas. 00:24:51.802 --> 00:24:53.507 No one has a problem 00:24:53.507 --> 00:24:56.156 that your boss makes more money than you. 00:24:56.156 --> 00:24:58.008 You might think he's an ass, 00:24:58.008 --> 00:25:00.154 but you don't have a problem that he makes more money. 00:25:00.154 --> 00:25:03.782 Nobody has a problem that somebody who outranks us at work 00:25:03.782 --> 00:25:05.616 has a bigger office than us. 00:25:05.616 --> 00:25:06.711 Doesn't offend us. 00:25:06.711 --> 00:25:08.346 It is deeply ingrained in us. 00:25:08.346 --> 00:25:11.264 We happily step aside and allow our alphas 00:25:11.264 --> 00:25:14.031 first choice of meat and first choice of mate. 00:25:14.031 --> 00:25:15.543 It's good to be the king. 00:25:15.543 --> 00:25:17.187 There are advantages that come with being the alpha. 00:25:17.187 --> 00:25:19.133 You get special treatment, you get to eat first. 00:25:19.133 --> 00:25:20.807 People show you love and respect. 00:25:20.807 --> 00:25:21.971 It boosts the serotonin. 00:25:21.971 --> 00:25:23.023 You walk around like this. 00:25:23.023 --> 00:25:24.104 It boosts your confidence. 00:25:24.104 --> 00:25:25.187 It's awesome. 00:25:26.462 --> 00:25:28.890 But it comes at a cost. 00:25:28.890 --> 00:25:31.383 You see, the group is not stupid. 00:25:31.383 --> 00:25:34.677 We're not giving all of that stuff away for free. 00:25:34.677 --> 00:25:38.077 Leadership, alpha, comes at a cost. 00:25:38.077 --> 00:25:39.919 You see, we expect 00:25:39.919 --> 00:25:43.752 that when danger threatens us from the outside 00:25:45.441 --> 00:25:48.010 that the person who's actually stronger, 00:25:48.010 --> 00:25:49.835 the person who's better fed, 00:25:49.835 --> 00:25:53.220 and the person who is actually teeming with serotonin 00:25:53.220 --> 00:25:55.435 and actually has higher confidence than the rest of us, 00:25:55.435 --> 00:25:59.163 we expect them to run towards the danger to protect us. 00:25:59.163 --> 00:26:01.174 This is what it means to be a leader. 00:26:01.174 --> 00:26:03.076 The cost of leadership is self interest. 00:26:03.076 --> 00:26:06.063 If you're not willing to give up your perks when it matters 00:26:06.063 --> 00:26:08.387 then you probably shouldn't get promoted. 00:26:08.387 --> 00:26:10.728 You might be an authority, but you will not be a leader. 00:26:10.728 --> 00:26:12.385 Leadership comes at a cost. 00:26:12.385 --> 00:26:14.569 You don't get to do less work when you get more senior, 00:26:14.569 --> 00:26:16.048 you have to do more work. 00:26:16.048 --> 00:26:17.225 The more work you have to do 00:26:17.225 --> 00:26:19.757 is put yourself at risk to look after others. 00:26:19.757 --> 00:26:24.660 That is the anthropological definition of what a leader is. 00:26:24.660 --> 00:26:28.345 This is why we're so offended by these banker boys 00:26:28.345 --> 00:26:31.206 who pay themselves astronomical salaries. 00:26:31.206 --> 00:26:34.073 It has nothing to do with the number. 00:26:34.073 --> 00:26:35.438 It has to do with the fact 00:26:35.438 --> 00:26:39.486 that they have violated a deep-seeded social contract. 00:26:39.486 --> 00:26:41.831 We know that they made all of that money 00:26:41.831 --> 00:26:44.113 and allowed their people to be sacrificed. 00:26:44.113 --> 00:26:47.086 In fact, they may have sacrificed their people 00:26:47.086 --> 00:26:48.333 for the money. 00:26:48.333 --> 00:26:52.296 If I told you we're gonna 150 million dollars 00:26:52.296 --> 00:26:56.780 to Nelson Mandela, would anyone have a problem with that? 00:26:56.780 --> 00:26:58.012 Nope. 00:26:58.012 --> 00:27:00.013 250 millions dollars to Mother Teresa. 00:27:00.013 --> 00:27:01.716 Got an issue with it? 00:27:01.716 --> 00:27:02.918 Nope. 00:27:02.918 --> 00:27:04.064 It's not the number. 00:27:04.064 --> 00:27:05.536 It's not the amount of money they make. 00:27:05.536 --> 00:27:08.075 It's that we are deeply and viscerally offended 00:27:08.075 --> 00:27:09.849 that we know that we allowed them 00:27:09.849 --> 00:27:11.104 to have this alpha position 00:27:11.104 --> 00:27:13.361 and they did not fulfill their responsibility of the alpha. 00:27:13.361 --> 00:27:15.893 They're supposed to sacrifice themselves for us, 00:27:15.893 --> 00:27:18.063 never sacrifice us for themselves. 00:27:18.063 --> 00:27:22.447 This is why we're angry and offended and don't trust them. 00:27:22.447 --> 00:27:23.280 They fail. 00:27:25.705 --> 00:27:28.751 (audience applauding) 00:27:28.751 --> 00:27:30.168 Oh, there's more. 00:27:32.127 --> 00:27:34.200 (chuckling) 00:27:34.200 --> 00:27:35.196 Oxytocin. 00:27:35.196 --> 00:27:38.209 This is the best chemical of all. 00:27:38.209 --> 00:27:42.376 Oxytocin is the feeling of love and trust and friendship. 00:27:43.365 --> 00:27:44.678 It's all the warm and fuzzies. 00:27:44.678 --> 00:27:47.475 It's all the unicorns and rainbows. 00:27:47.475 --> 00:27:49.491 It's the reason we like to spend time with our friends 00:27:49.491 --> 00:27:51.296 even if we don't do anything with them. 00:27:51.296 --> 00:27:52.820 We just sit and watch TV. 00:27:52.820 --> 00:27:54.065 We love their company. 00:27:54.065 --> 00:27:55.880 I promise you nearly every single person 00:27:55.880 --> 00:27:57.645 sitting in this room today 00:27:57.645 --> 00:28:00.045 chose the person they're sitting next to. 00:28:00.045 --> 00:28:01.454 You're not sitting next to a stranger. 00:28:01.454 --> 00:28:03.311 You're sitting next to somebody you met, came with, 00:28:03.311 --> 00:28:05.770 or kind of know a little bit. 00:28:05.770 --> 00:28:06.603 Why? 00:28:06.603 --> 00:28:09.015 'Cause it makes you feel safer, doesn't it? 00:28:09.015 --> 00:28:10.489 If you got up and went and sat next to strangers 00:28:10.489 --> 00:28:11.613 it wouldn't feel so good. 00:28:11.613 --> 00:28:13.142 That's the feeling of oxytocin. 00:28:13.142 --> 00:28:15.183 Oxytocin is that intense feeling of safety 00:28:15.183 --> 00:28:17.125 that someone's got your back. 00:28:17.125 --> 00:28:19.510 There are multiple ways you can get oxytocin. 00:28:19.510 --> 00:28:22.098 One way to get it is physical contact. 00:28:22.098 --> 00:28:24.098 Hugging feels wonderful. 00:28:25.318 --> 00:28:28.212 When women give birth to children, 00:28:28.212 --> 00:28:30.831 huge surge of oxytocin in their body. 00:28:30.831 --> 00:28:35.380 This is what's responsible for the mother child bond. 00:28:35.380 --> 00:28:37.913 It's all that oxytocin in the system. 00:28:37.913 --> 00:28:40.500 This is why shaking hands matters. 00:28:40.500 --> 00:28:42.401 Imagine you're doing a deal with someone 00:28:42.401 --> 00:28:44.397 and you're ready to sign the contract 00:28:44.397 --> 00:28:46.921 and you say, "I'm so excited to do business with you." 00:28:46.921 --> 00:28:48.097 And they go, "I don't need to shake. 00:28:48.097 --> 00:28:48.930 "Let's sign the contract. 00:28:48.930 --> 00:28:50.508 "I'm also excited to do business with you." 00:28:50.508 --> 00:28:51.341 You go, "Great! 00:28:51.341 --> 00:28:52.216 "Well, let's shake on it, then." 00:28:52.216 --> 00:28:53.115 They go, "No, no, no, no. 00:28:53.115 --> 00:28:54.052 "I agree to all the terms. 00:28:54.052 --> 00:28:55.574 "Let's get this deal done. 00:28:55.574 --> 00:28:57.409 "I can't wait to work with you." 00:28:57.409 --> 00:29:00.204 You might get everything you want in the contract 00:29:00.204 --> 00:29:04.444 but business, relationships, are not rational. 00:29:04.444 --> 00:29:06.890 They're about feeling safe, they're about feeling we belong. 00:29:06.890 --> 00:29:08.498 It's human. 00:29:08.498 --> 00:29:09.736 One of the ways we wanna know 00:29:09.736 --> 00:29:11.468 that that relationship is solidified 00:29:11.468 --> 00:29:13.467 is with physical touch. 00:29:13.467 --> 00:29:16.575 Their simple refusal to touch you, 00:29:16.575 --> 00:29:18.403 to exchange that oxytocin, 00:29:18.403 --> 00:29:20.268 means one of two things will happen. 00:29:20.268 --> 00:29:22.429 You will either completely scuttle the deal 00:29:22.429 --> 00:29:25.160 or you will go into it nervous. 00:29:25.160 --> 00:29:26.743 Human bonds matter. 00:29:28.609 --> 00:29:30.615 Another way you can get oxytocin 00:29:30.615 --> 00:29:33.768 is through acts of human generosity. 00:29:33.768 --> 00:29:35.688 An act of human generosity is defined 00:29:35.688 --> 00:29:38.001 as giving of your time and energy 00:29:38.001 --> 00:29:40.373 and expecting nothing in return. 00:29:40.373 --> 00:29:42.460 Money doesn't work, sorry. 00:29:42.460 --> 00:29:45.605 If I told you that this morning I gave $1,000 to charity, 00:29:45.605 --> 00:29:47.370 what would you think of me? 00:29:47.370 --> 00:29:50.286 You'd be like (applauding) good for you. 00:29:50.286 --> 00:29:51.235 (audience laughing) 00:29:51.235 --> 00:29:53.530 What do you want, a medal? 00:29:53.530 --> 00:29:54.794 But if I told you that last Saturday 00:29:54.794 --> 00:29:56.754 I gave up my day and I went and painted schools 00:29:56.754 --> 00:29:58.680 in the inner city, then what would you think? 00:29:58.680 --> 00:30:01.005 You'd be like, "Nice, cool. 00:30:01.005 --> 00:30:02.432 "I should do more." 00:30:02.432 --> 00:30:04.495 Right? (audience laughing) 00:30:04.495 --> 00:30:07.640 The value of my labor, much less than $1,000. 00:30:07.640 --> 00:30:09.976 You could have hired many more people for $1,000 00:30:09.976 --> 00:30:11.975 to go paint schools in the inner city. 00:30:11.975 --> 00:30:13.782 But you see, as human beings 00:30:13.782 --> 00:30:15.863 we put a premium on time 00:30:15.863 --> 00:30:18.140 because it is an equal commodity 00:30:18.140 --> 00:30:19.821 and it is a non-redeemable commodity. 00:30:19.821 --> 00:30:20.819 You spend money, you make money. 00:30:20.819 --> 00:30:22.920 You spend time, you'll never get it back. 00:30:22.920 --> 00:30:24.261 Some of you are sitting in this room right now 00:30:24.261 --> 00:30:26.290 saying, "I will never get this time back." 00:30:26.290 --> 00:30:28.174 (audience laughing) 00:30:28.174 --> 00:30:29.924 I got nothin' for ya. 00:30:31.468 --> 00:30:32.425 We put a premium 00:30:32.425 --> 00:30:34.745 on people who give us their time and energy. 00:30:34.745 --> 00:30:37.444 A leader who says to you, "I'll pay for something for you," 00:30:37.444 --> 00:30:38.485 is not a leader. 00:30:38.485 --> 00:30:39.994 A leader who comes and sits down next to you 00:30:39.994 --> 00:30:43.800 and says, "How can I help you?" is a leader. 00:30:43.800 --> 00:30:46.652 I was talking to some oil executives 00:30:46.652 --> 00:30:47.917 and they were trying to convince me 00:30:47.917 --> 00:30:50.396 that they really care about how fulfilled 00:30:50.396 --> 00:30:52.132 and how happy their employees are at work, 00:30:52.132 --> 00:30:54.119 to which I said, "No, you don't." 00:30:54.119 --> 00:30:55.092 And they said, "No, we do." 00:30:55.092 --> 00:30:56.788 And I said, "No, you don't." 00:30:56.788 --> 00:30:57.733 And they said, "Yeah, we do." 00:30:57.733 --> 00:30:59.753 You see how this went. 00:30:59.753 --> 00:31:04.034 I said, "I bet you hired some high priced consultancy 00:31:04.034 --> 00:31:05.660 "to come and do a web survey 00:31:05.660 --> 00:31:07.825 "about whether people liked their jobs or not." 00:31:07.825 --> 00:31:10.915 And they said, "Well, we didn't hire a consultancy." 00:31:10.915 --> 00:31:14.867 I said, "Okay, so it's kinda like sending your son an email. 00:31:14.867 --> 00:31:17.240 "Dear son, your mother and I care 00:31:17.240 --> 00:31:19.884 "that you feel like a valuable part of this family. 00:31:19.884 --> 00:31:22.615 "Please tell us candidly what we can go better 00:31:22.615 --> 00:31:24.233 "so that you feel like you belong here 00:31:24.233 --> 00:31:26.022 "because we really love you. 00:31:26.022 --> 00:31:27.022 "Love, Dad." 00:31:28.195 --> 00:31:30.741 Or you go into his room, you sit on his bed 00:31:30.741 --> 00:31:32.542 and you say, "Hey, son, your mom and I really care 00:31:32.542 --> 00:31:34.822 "that you feel like a valuable member of this family. 00:31:34.822 --> 00:31:36.758 "Please tell us candidly what we can do better 00:31:36.758 --> 00:31:38.126 "because we want you to feel like you belong 00:31:38.126 --> 00:31:39.963 "and we really love you." 00:31:39.963 --> 00:31:43.925 Same words, same intention, same desire. 00:31:43.925 --> 00:31:45.442 The difference is one, you gave time and energy, 00:31:45.442 --> 00:31:46.880 and the other one you didn't. 00:31:46.880 --> 00:31:48.178 This is the problem with email. 00:31:48.178 --> 00:31:49.664 It's too easy. 00:31:49.664 --> 00:31:50.558 It's too easy. 00:31:50.558 --> 00:31:51.796 There's no time and energy expended. 00:31:51.796 --> 00:31:52.629 It's too easy. 00:31:52.629 --> 00:31:53.561 You don't feel anything. 00:31:53.561 --> 00:31:54.898 If I come to your house for dinner 00:31:54.898 --> 00:31:56.455 and you make me a lovely dinner, 00:31:56.455 --> 00:31:58.389 the next day I send you a very nice thank you email, 00:31:58.389 --> 00:31:59.991 what a wonderful host you are, 00:31:59.991 --> 00:32:03.406 or three days later you receive a handwritten note from me 00:32:03.406 --> 00:32:05.941 with the exact same words that were written in the email, 00:32:05.941 --> 00:32:07.832 which one makes you feel better? 00:32:07.832 --> 00:32:09.174 Handwritten note. 00:32:09.174 --> 00:32:10.929 The sentiment was the same, the words were the same. 00:32:10.929 --> 00:32:12.708 The difference is one took a little more time 00:32:12.708 --> 00:32:14.797 and a little more energy. 00:32:14.797 --> 00:32:16.734 Leaders are the ones who give us their time 00:32:16.734 --> 00:32:18.238 and give us their energy, 00:32:18.238 --> 00:32:19.626 not the ones who give us their money. 00:32:19.626 --> 00:32:20.459 It doesn't count. 00:32:20.459 --> 00:32:21.292 It doesn't work. 00:32:21.292 --> 00:32:23.123 It just biologically doesn't work. 00:32:23.123 --> 00:32:24.851 This is how you get oxytocin, 00:32:24.851 --> 00:32:26.677 doing nice things for people 00:32:26.677 --> 00:32:30.692 that require that you sacrifice a little bit of time, 00:32:30.692 --> 00:32:31.851 a little bit of energy. 00:32:31.851 --> 00:32:33.440 Something you will never get back. 00:32:33.440 --> 00:32:34.696 If you expect something in return 00:32:34.696 --> 00:32:36.201 then you weren't really giving in the first place. 00:32:36.201 --> 00:32:37.208 You take someone out for dinner 00:32:37.208 --> 00:32:38.526 because you want them to hire you, 00:32:38.526 --> 00:32:40.109 you're not really taking them out for dinner. 00:32:40.109 --> 00:32:41.258 You want something in return. 00:32:41.258 --> 00:32:43.490 It's just a protracted transaction. 00:32:43.490 --> 00:32:44.932 It's not relationship building. 00:32:44.932 --> 00:32:46.592 It's nonsense. 00:32:46.592 --> 00:32:49.059 I was walking down the streets of New York, 00:32:49.059 --> 00:32:50.947 true story, and the guy in front of me, 00:32:50.947 --> 00:32:52.165 his backpack opened and a bunch of paper 00:32:52.165 --> 00:32:54.183 spilled out on the street. 00:32:54.183 --> 00:32:55.241 Didn't think much of it. 00:32:55.241 --> 00:32:57.283 I bent down, gathered the papers up, 00:32:57.283 --> 00:32:58.116 handed them back to him, 00:32:58.116 --> 00:32:59.820 and pointed out that his band had opened. 00:32:59.820 --> 00:33:02.203 I did a small act of generosity for somebody, 00:33:02.203 --> 00:33:05.280 I got a small burst of oxytocin, I felt good. 00:33:05.280 --> 00:33:07.463 Also the person on the receiving end 00:33:07.463 --> 00:33:10.514 of the act of generosity feels good. 00:33:10.514 --> 00:33:12.609 They get a shot of oxytocin. 00:33:12.609 --> 00:33:13.442 He felt good. 00:33:13.442 --> 00:33:14.856 He says thanks. 00:33:14.856 --> 00:33:16.379 I get to the end of the block 00:33:16.379 --> 00:33:18.716 and I'm standing waiting to cross the street 00:33:18.716 --> 00:33:20.334 and a guy who also happens to be standing 00:33:20.334 --> 00:33:22.538 waiting to cross the street turns around, true story, 00:33:22.538 --> 00:33:25.750 turns around and says to me, "I saw what you did back there. 00:33:25.750 --> 00:33:27.852 "That was really cool." 00:33:27.852 --> 00:33:29.909 (audience laughing) 00:33:29.909 --> 00:33:34.076 As it turns out witnessing acts of human generosity 00:33:35.098 --> 00:33:36.426 release oxytocin. 00:33:36.426 --> 00:33:40.161 Remember our bodies are trying to get us to repeat behaviors 00:33:40.161 --> 00:33:41.721 that are in our best interest 00:33:41.721 --> 00:33:43.633 and it's making us feel good 00:33:43.633 --> 00:33:46.714 when we see or do acts of human generosity 00:33:46.714 --> 00:33:49.179 so that we will do them. 00:33:49.179 --> 00:33:51.737 In fact, the more oxytocin you have in your body, 00:33:51.737 --> 00:33:54.451 the more generous you actually become. 00:33:54.451 --> 00:33:57.568 The more you do, the more you want to do. 00:33:57.568 --> 00:33:58.828 It gets better than that. 00:33:58.828 --> 00:34:03.386 Lots of oxytocin in your body inhibits addiction. 00:34:03.386 --> 00:34:05.817 It makes it very difficult to get addicted to something 00:34:05.817 --> 00:34:07.202 when you have lots of oxytocin in your body. 00:34:07.202 --> 00:34:08.512 It actually inhibits addiction. 00:34:08.512 --> 00:34:10.855 It boosts your immune system. 00:34:10.855 --> 00:34:12.476 It makes you healthier. 00:34:12.476 --> 00:34:15.181 That's why happy people live longer. 00:34:15.181 --> 00:34:17.599 It's why couples live longer. 00:34:18.634 --> 00:34:19.621 Oxytocin. 00:34:19.621 --> 00:34:21.181 It actually is good for us. 00:34:21.181 --> 00:34:23.532 It increases our ability to solve problems. 00:34:23.532 --> 00:34:25.913 It increases our creativity. 00:34:25.913 --> 00:34:28.774 It's really good for us and it's not addictive. 00:34:28.774 --> 00:34:30.313 It just feels great. 00:34:30.313 --> 00:34:32.500 It takes time to build up, though. 00:34:32.500 --> 00:34:34.661 I went on a date with a girl the other day, 00:34:34.661 --> 00:34:36.958 it was a first date, we totally got along great, 00:34:36.958 --> 00:34:38.380 we're gonna get married. 00:34:38.380 --> 00:34:40.380 (audience laughing) Why are you laughing? 00:34:40.380 --> 00:34:41.688 that's my social life. 00:34:41.688 --> 00:34:43.335 (audience laughing) 00:34:43.335 --> 00:34:46.514 The reason you laugh is because you inherently know 00:34:46.514 --> 00:34:49.770 that I cannot form a bond of trust strong enough 00:34:49.770 --> 00:34:51.380 to get married in seven days. 00:34:51.380 --> 00:34:52.463 You know that. 00:34:52.463 --> 00:34:54.103 Why don't you go on a couple more dates? 00:34:54.103 --> 00:34:55.929 Inherently you know that. 00:34:55.929 --> 00:34:58.124 If I told you that I'd been dating somebody for seven years 00:34:58.124 --> 00:35:00.404 and we're not married yet, what do you say? 00:35:00.404 --> 00:35:01.524 What's wrong? 00:35:01.524 --> 00:35:03.022 (audience laughing) 00:35:03.022 --> 00:35:05.271 In other words we know that that bond of trust 00:35:05.271 --> 00:35:07.225 takes more than seven days and less than seven years. 00:35:07.225 --> 00:35:09.806 Don't know how long it takes, though. 00:35:09.806 --> 00:35:11.031 When you start a new job 00:35:11.031 --> 00:35:12.130 and you're really excited to work there 00:35:12.130 --> 00:35:13.679 and they're really excited to have you, 00:35:13.679 --> 00:35:15.238 don't quite feel like you belong 00:35:15.238 --> 00:35:17.257 and you don't quite feel like you're trusted yet, right? 00:35:17.257 --> 00:35:19.074 Even though you were really excited. 00:35:19.074 --> 00:35:21.640 It takes time and you have to do little acts of generosity 00:35:21.640 --> 00:35:23.990 and make little sacrifices, do little things for people. 00:35:23.990 --> 00:35:25.258 Not big risks, small risks. 00:35:25.258 --> 00:35:26.882 It's like dating. 00:35:26.882 --> 00:35:30.040 You don't start by buying them a diamond. 00:35:30.040 --> 00:35:32.591 You start by taking them for lunch, 00:35:32.591 --> 00:35:35.754 buying them a drink, little bits. 00:35:35.754 --> 00:35:37.786 Then they take you out or you take them out again, 00:35:37.786 --> 00:35:38.828 you do something a little bigger, 00:35:38.828 --> 00:35:39.714 then you do that and a movie, 00:35:39.714 --> 00:35:41.756 then they come over, and then you buy them flowers, 00:35:41.756 --> 00:35:42.961 and then you say, "I love you." 00:35:42.961 --> 00:35:44.352 And one day you wake up in the morning, 00:35:44.352 --> 00:35:45.882 it's like you pressed this belief button. 00:35:45.882 --> 00:35:47.931 You're just, "I'm in love. 00:35:47.931 --> 00:35:49.586 "I don't know when it happened." 00:35:49.586 --> 00:35:51.476 It just clicks and you feel like you belong. 00:35:51.476 --> 00:35:52.768 Same thing at work. 00:35:52.768 --> 00:35:54.127 Same thing at work. 00:35:54.127 --> 00:35:55.071 It just clicks (fingers snapping) 00:35:55.071 --> 00:35:56.183 and you feel like you belong 00:35:56.183 --> 00:35:58.433 'cause you got enough oxytocin built up in your system. 00:35:58.433 --> 00:35:59.980 We don't allow this to happen. 00:35:59.980 --> 00:36:01.697 We're too busy sending emails. 00:36:01.697 --> 00:36:02.905 We're too busy sending emails. 00:36:02.905 --> 00:36:04.538 The next time you wanna tell somebody something, 00:36:04.538 --> 00:36:07.586 email is fantastic for the exchange of information, right? 00:36:07.586 --> 00:36:08.553 It's fantastic. 00:36:08.553 --> 00:36:09.908 Here's the report you wanted, 00:36:09.908 --> 00:36:11.531 the meeting's at four o'clock. 00:36:11.531 --> 00:36:12.646 Fantastic. 00:36:12.646 --> 00:36:14.922 What did you think of my idea? 00:36:14.922 --> 00:36:17.491 Do not reply on an email. 00:36:17.491 --> 00:36:19.102 That's an emotional question. 00:36:19.102 --> 00:36:20.589 Email is a rational tool. 00:36:20.589 --> 00:36:24.019 You get up from your desk, you walk the 30 feet, 00:36:24.019 --> 00:36:27.830 and you say, "Wanted to tell you what I thought 00:36:27.830 --> 00:36:28.941 "of your idea." 00:36:28.941 --> 00:36:30.007 And I promise you, 00:36:30.007 --> 00:36:31.516 not only will that information be better received, 00:36:31.516 --> 00:36:33.441 but you will start to create relationships 00:36:33.441 --> 00:36:36.338 because oxytocin starts to get released. 00:36:36.338 --> 00:36:37.852 If you can't get up and walk 30 feet, 00:36:37.852 --> 00:36:39.257 pick up the telephone. 00:36:39.257 --> 00:36:40.099 I've done it. 00:36:40.099 --> 00:36:41.040 It's an amazing thing. 00:36:41.040 --> 00:36:42.889 You pick up the phone, you go, "Hey." 00:36:42.889 --> 00:36:44.099 They're like, "Hey, what's the matter?" 00:36:44.099 --> 00:36:47.368 You're like, "No, I'm just replying to your email. 00:36:47.368 --> 00:36:50.243 (audience laughing) 00:36:50.243 --> 00:36:53.851 "Wanted to tell you what I thought." 00:36:53.851 --> 00:36:54.684 "What?" 00:36:56.864 --> 00:36:58.993 People who tell me, "But I need a paper trail." 00:36:58.993 --> 00:37:00.400 Have the conversation, hang up and say, 00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:01.992 "Just to confirm what we talked about." 00:37:01.992 --> 00:37:03.562 Boom, there's your paper trail. 00:37:03.562 --> 00:37:04.864 The reason we get so many emails 00:37:04.864 --> 00:37:06.600 is because we reply to them all 00:37:06.600 --> 00:37:08.265 and 12 emails are sent 00:37:08.265 --> 00:37:09.614 and then somebody misunderstands something 00:37:09.614 --> 00:37:10.728 and somebody gets angry 00:37:10.728 --> 00:37:12.588 and then you have to pick up the phone and do it anyway. 00:37:12.588 --> 00:37:14.412 Do it at the beginning. 00:37:14.412 --> 00:37:16.412 Quicker, easier, better. 00:37:17.305 --> 00:37:18.138 Biology. 00:37:20.225 --> 00:37:22.543 Give your time and give your energy. 00:37:22.543 --> 00:37:24.330 This is why leadership is really difficult 00:37:24.330 --> 00:37:25.469 because you can't give it to everyone 00:37:25.469 --> 00:37:27.434 because you don't have enough to give to everyone. 00:37:27.434 --> 00:37:28.721 You just can't. 00:37:28.721 --> 00:37:30.397 You have to make sure that you can trust others 00:37:30.397 --> 00:37:32.737 to trust others to trust others to trust others. 00:37:32.737 --> 00:37:34.806 This is what happens in the circle of belonging, 00:37:34.806 --> 00:37:36.050 in the circle of safety. 00:37:36.050 --> 00:37:38.849 This is what effective bureaucracy is. 00:37:38.849 --> 00:37:43.418 Which is as the CEO, as the leader, or whatever your job is, 00:37:43.418 --> 00:37:45.992 you have one responsibility and one responsibility only 00:37:45.992 --> 00:37:48.127 which is to make sure the people you know 00:37:48.127 --> 00:37:49.584 that you have physical contact with, 00:37:49.584 --> 00:37:52.387 you know their names, are confident and feel looked after 00:37:52.387 --> 00:37:54.068 and encourage them to do the same 00:37:54.068 --> 00:37:55.914 for the ones who work beneath them 00:37:55.914 --> 00:37:57.757 who work beneath them who work beneath them. 00:37:57.757 --> 00:38:00.647 When this group of people really feels safe, 00:38:00.647 --> 00:38:05.231 then they will invite in the customer to also feel safe. 00:38:05.231 --> 00:38:08.458 They will talk to these people as if they are human. 00:38:08.458 --> 00:38:10.303 I actually flew on an airline recently 00:38:10.303 --> 00:38:12.744 and I was appalled at how I was treated. 00:38:12.744 --> 00:38:13.577 It was disgusting. 00:38:13.577 --> 00:38:15.273 It was like cattle. 00:38:15.273 --> 00:38:17.228 I said something. 00:38:17.228 --> 00:38:19.402 I said, "Why do you treat people like cattle?" 00:38:19.402 --> 00:38:21.945 And she literally said to me, "I'm sorry, sir, 00:38:21.945 --> 00:38:24.650 I have to do it or I'll lose my job." 00:38:24.650 --> 00:38:26.720 What did she tell me? 00:38:26.720 --> 00:38:27.986 My organization that I work for 00:38:27.986 --> 00:38:28.913 doesn't make me feel safe. 00:38:28.913 --> 00:38:30.617 I don't feel like I belong, 00:38:30.617 --> 00:38:33.929 so I'm gonna treat you like dirt to protect myself. 00:38:33.929 --> 00:38:35.120 As opposed to somebody who feels safe 00:38:35.120 --> 00:38:36.629 that says, "Sir, I will do everything in my power 00:38:36.629 --> 00:38:38.659 "to make sure that you feel happy and good 00:38:38.659 --> 00:38:40.987 "because I'm not worried." 00:38:40.987 --> 00:38:44.378 That's called a highly effective organization. 00:38:44.378 --> 00:38:48.839 There's one more chemical I haven't told you about. 00:38:48.839 --> 00:38:49.672 The big c. 00:38:52.240 --> 00:38:53.073 Cortisol. 00:38:55.594 --> 00:38:57.076 Cortisol is the feeling of stress 00:38:57.076 --> 00:38:59.326 and the feeling of anxiety. 00:39:00.193 --> 00:39:04.117 We share these chemicals with all the social mammals. 00:39:04.117 --> 00:39:05.427 When you see a herd of gazelle, 00:39:05.427 --> 00:39:06.913 you've all seen the documentary 00:39:06.913 --> 00:39:08.501 on Discovery or whatever, right? 00:39:08.501 --> 00:39:11.334 And see a herd of gazelle grazing. 00:39:12.255 --> 00:39:15.327 And one of them thinks they hear a rustle in the grass 00:39:15.327 --> 00:39:17.188 and they go (gasping) 00:39:17.188 --> 00:39:19.037 (audience laughing) Up head, right? 00:39:19.037 --> 00:39:20.147 That's what cortisol does. 00:39:20.147 --> 00:39:22.323 Cortisol is designed to keep us alive. 00:39:22.323 --> 00:39:24.813 It is the first stage or fight or flight. 00:39:24.813 --> 00:39:26.010 It makes us paranoid, 00:39:26.010 --> 00:39:29.237 it makes all of our senses hyper attuned to look for danger. 00:39:29.237 --> 00:39:32.504 It injects glucose into our muscles 00:39:32.504 --> 00:39:34.385 to make us stiff and ready to go 00:39:34.385 --> 00:39:36.163 in case we need to fight or flight. 00:39:36.163 --> 00:39:39.066 It increases our heart rate like crazy. 00:39:39.066 --> 00:39:40.448 And it makes us start looking. 00:39:40.448 --> 00:39:42.745 It makes us paranoid to find the danger. 00:39:42.745 --> 00:39:43.953 The cool thing about cortisol 00:39:43.953 --> 00:39:45.534 when you work in a social environment 00:39:45.534 --> 00:39:47.707 is if other people sense that you're nervous, 00:39:47.707 --> 00:39:48.540 they get nervous. 00:39:48.540 --> 00:39:51.461 All the other gazelle go (gasping) 00:39:51.461 --> 00:39:52.680 They didn't hear anything. 00:39:52.680 --> 00:39:55.571 They just saw Steve over there get really freaked out. 00:39:55.571 --> 00:39:56.404 (audience laughing) 00:39:56.404 --> 00:39:57.966 And so they got all freaked out. 00:39:57.966 --> 00:40:00.022 Now they all start looking for the danger. 00:40:00.022 --> 00:40:01.022 Good system. 00:40:02.145 --> 00:40:03.430 One of them who didn't even hear 00:40:03.430 --> 00:40:06.479 the initial rustle in the grass sees the lion, runs, 00:40:06.479 --> 00:40:08.580 they all run, they all live another day. 00:40:08.580 --> 00:40:09.725 Good system. 00:40:09.725 --> 00:40:11.718 So that when we go to work and somebody says, 00:40:11.718 --> 00:40:13.073 "I think there's gonna be layoffs." 00:40:13.073 --> 00:40:14.455 All of us are like, "What do you mean? 00:40:14.455 --> 00:40:15.288 "Wait. 00:40:15.288 --> 00:40:16.121 There's gonna be?" 00:40:16.121 --> 00:40:17.720 We're all paranoid now. 00:40:17.720 --> 00:40:20.440 "I shouldn't have talked talked in that meeting. 00:40:20.440 --> 00:40:21.273 Ugh!" 00:40:21.273 --> 00:40:22.933 We start to get crazy, we start to get paranoid. 00:40:22.933 --> 00:40:24.956 Our hearts start to race. 00:40:24.956 --> 00:40:28.253 It's what cortisol does, it's trying to keep us alive. 00:40:28.253 --> 00:40:29.241 You wake up in the middle of the night, 00:40:29.241 --> 00:40:30.767 you hear a bump in the middle of the night. 00:40:30.767 --> 00:40:31.600 (gasping) 00:40:31.600 --> 00:40:32.751 What's the first thing you do? 00:40:32.751 --> 00:40:34.470 You wake the person next to you! 00:40:34.470 --> 00:40:35.475 (audience laughing) 00:40:35.475 --> 00:40:36.317 And then what do they do? 00:40:36.317 --> 00:40:38.410 They go (gasping) 00:40:38.410 --> 00:40:40.560 If there's nothing there you go and trust your eyes, 00:40:40.560 --> 00:40:43.316 you go looking for it, we're visual animals. 00:40:43.316 --> 00:40:47.392 If there's nothing there you go like this, 00:40:47.392 --> 00:40:48.723 (exhaling) 00:40:48.723 --> 00:40:51.267 the cortisol leaves our body and we relax 00:40:51.267 --> 00:40:53.838 and our heartbeat goes back down. 00:40:53.838 --> 00:40:55.565 Cortisol, to get all of that extra energy, 00:40:55.565 --> 00:40:58.496 to make us paranoid, to make us self-interested, 00:40:58.496 --> 00:41:01.289 it needs to shut down non-essential systems 00:41:01.289 --> 00:41:03.449 'cause it has to get it from somewhere, right? 00:41:03.449 --> 00:41:05.208 So it shuts off things like growth. 00:41:05.208 --> 00:41:08.450 You don't need your fingernails to grow at that moment. 00:41:08.450 --> 00:41:09.804 Shuts it off. 00:41:09.804 --> 00:41:13.529 The other thing it shuts off is our immune system. 00:41:13.529 --> 00:41:14.892 Don't need it in that moment. 00:41:14.892 --> 00:41:16.504 The problem is you're not supposed to have cortisol 00:41:16.504 --> 00:41:17.676 in your system all the time. 00:41:17.676 --> 00:41:19.257 You're supposed to have it in and then gone. 00:41:19.257 --> 00:41:20.859 When we go to work in a place 00:41:20.859 --> 00:41:22.717 that doesn't make us feel like we belong, 00:41:22.717 --> 00:41:25.171 that doesn't make us feel safe when we're at work, 00:41:25.171 --> 00:41:26.004 guess what? 00:41:26.004 --> 00:41:27.892 We got little bits of cortisol dripping in our body. 00:41:27.892 --> 00:41:30.583 Drip, drip, drip, drip. 00:41:30.583 --> 00:41:32.021 Makes us paranoid. 00:41:32.021 --> 00:41:32.854 Drip. 00:41:32.854 --> 00:41:33.694 I know my boss hates me. 00:41:33.694 --> 00:41:34.527 I know he hates me. 00:41:34.527 --> 00:41:36.054 He hates all my ideas, I know it. 00:41:36.054 --> 00:41:37.300 Drip, drip. 00:41:37.300 --> 00:41:38.523 It makes us self-interested. 00:41:38.523 --> 00:41:40.214 One of the things cortisol does 00:41:40.214 --> 00:41:42.904 it inhibits the release of oxytocin. 00:41:42.904 --> 00:41:45.153 Biologically if you work in a high stress environment 00:41:45.153 --> 00:41:46.193 where you don't feel safe, 00:41:46.193 --> 00:41:49.789 you are biologically less empathetic and less generous. 00:41:49.789 --> 00:41:50.808 We don't care about each other 00:41:50.808 --> 00:41:52.687 because we're too busy trying to protect ourselves. 00:41:52.687 --> 00:41:54.104 Drip, drip, drip. 00:41:55.443 --> 00:41:58.404 Our immune systems are now compromised. 00:41:58.404 --> 00:42:00.587 Drip, drip, drip. 00:42:00.587 --> 00:42:01.561 We live in a country 00:42:01.561 --> 00:42:04.607 with some of the best medical education in the world, 00:42:04.607 --> 00:42:06.191 some of the best medical systems in the world, 00:42:06.191 --> 00:42:07.397 some of the best doctors in the world, 00:42:07.397 --> 00:42:08.519 some of the best hospitals in the world, 00:42:08.519 --> 00:42:09.833 some of the best medicines in the world. 00:42:09.833 --> 00:42:12.189 Please explain to me why diabetes is on the rise, 00:42:12.189 --> 00:42:13.576 heart disease is on the rise, 00:42:13.576 --> 00:42:15.469 some cancers are on the rise. 00:42:15.469 --> 00:42:18.336 It ain't partially hydrogenated oils. 00:42:18.336 --> 00:42:20.253 Our jobs are killing us 00:42:22.547 --> 00:42:26.714 and the people who are responsible are the leaders. 00:42:28.544 --> 00:42:33.349 We also know that parents who come home stressed out, 00:42:33.349 --> 00:42:36.932 their kids learn that this is what work is, 00:42:37.877 --> 00:42:38.863 that work is something 00:42:38.863 --> 00:42:41.527 that makes you short-tempered and unhappy. 00:42:41.527 --> 00:42:43.537 So they expect it as they grow older. 00:42:43.537 --> 00:42:47.557 Worse, we know that parents who come home upset and angry, 00:42:47.557 --> 00:42:49.414 it has such a negative impact on their children 00:42:49.414 --> 00:42:50.474 that there's some studies 00:42:50.474 --> 00:42:52.998 that show that they might actually become bullies 00:42:52.998 --> 00:42:54.863 because of their unhappy parents 00:42:54.863 --> 00:42:59.030 who hate their jobs and have excessive amounts of stress. 00:42:59.884 --> 00:43:03.134 Our companies are literally killing us. 00:43:05.405 --> 00:43:07.729 So what are you gonna do about it? 00:43:07.729 --> 00:43:10.066 What are you gonna do about it? 00:43:10.066 --> 00:43:11.909 Leadership is not a rank. 00:43:11.909 --> 00:43:13.679 Leadership is not a position. 00:43:13.679 --> 00:43:15.261 Leadership is a decision. 00:43:15.261 --> 00:43:17.054 Leadership is a choice. 00:43:17.054 --> 00:43:19.904 It has nothing to do with your position in the organization. 00:43:19.904 --> 00:43:23.173 If you decide to look after the person to the left of you 00:43:23.173 --> 00:43:25.542 and look after the person to the right of you, 00:43:25.542 --> 00:43:28.419 you have become a leader. 00:43:28.419 --> 00:43:30.043 You've seen the movie 300, right? 00:43:30.043 --> 00:43:31.053 The Spartans. 00:43:31.053 --> 00:43:33.123 The greatest fighting force of all time. 00:43:33.123 --> 00:43:36.358 You wanna know one the things that made the Spartans great? 00:43:36.358 --> 00:43:39.743 It wasn't their muscles, wasn't their spears. 00:43:39.743 --> 00:43:42.081 It was their shields. 00:43:42.081 --> 00:43:44.901 They stood shield to shield and the phalanx was strong 00:43:44.901 --> 00:43:47.011 because those shields were big. 00:43:47.011 --> 00:43:49.283 They were told when they were young children, 00:43:49.283 --> 00:43:50.636 "You either bring your shield home 00:43:50.636 --> 00:43:52.912 "or you come home on your shield." 00:43:52.912 --> 00:43:55.593 The punishment for losing your shield 00:43:55.593 --> 00:43:57.377 was tremendous in battle. 00:43:57.377 --> 00:43:59.291 Because if you lost your shield 00:43:59.291 --> 00:44:01.381 that means you cannot protect the person to the left of you 00:44:01.381 --> 00:44:02.523 and the person to the right of you 00:44:02.523 --> 00:44:05.008 and you have destroyed the phalanx. 00:44:05.008 --> 00:44:09.307 It's the shield that matters, not the spear. 00:44:09.307 --> 00:44:10.793 Not the spear. 00:44:10.793 --> 00:44:12.869 It's your willingness to sacrifice yourself, 00:44:12.869 --> 00:44:16.171 not your life, maybe your credit, maybe your little time, 00:44:16.171 --> 00:44:19.790 maybe a little energy, maybe getting up from your desk 00:44:19.790 --> 00:44:21.377 and talking to somebody for 30 minutes 00:44:21.377 --> 00:44:22.843 instead of sending a three minute email. 00:44:22.843 --> 00:44:25.031 It's your willingness to sacrifice for someone, 00:44:25.031 --> 00:44:28.014 to hold that shield up so that they feel safe 00:44:28.014 --> 00:44:30.014 that makes you a leader. 00:44:31.186 --> 00:44:33.071 You wanna know how you beat a dopamine addiction, 00:44:33.071 --> 00:44:34.953 if you're worried that you're addicted to performance 00:44:34.953 --> 00:44:37.370 and all this dopamine things? 00:44:38.861 --> 00:44:42.114 Alcoholics Anonymous has been highly effective for decades, 00:44:42.114 --> 00:44:44.102 80 something years. 00:44:44.102 --> 00:44:46.481 We all know the first step of the 12 steps. 00:44:46.481 --> 00:44:47.515 We joke about it, right? 00:44:47.515 --> 00:44:49.985 Admit you have a problem. 00:44:49.985 --> 00:44:51.876 Do you know the 12th step? 00:44:51.876 --> 00:44:54.162 Don't say it, it's supposed to be anonymous. 00:44:54.162 --> 00:44:56.823 (audience laughing) 00:44:56.823 --> 00:44:58.550 I'll tell you what the 12th step is. 00:44:58.550 --> 00:45:01.706 Alcoholics Anonymous knows that if you master all 11 steps 00:45:01.706 --> 00:45:04.681 but not the 12th, you will drink again. 00:45:04.681 --> 00:45:08.848 If you master the 12th step you will beat the disease. 00:45:08.848 --> 00:45:10.491 What's the 12th step? 00:45:10.491 --> 00:45:13.730 The 12th step is the commitment to help another alcoholic. 00:45:13.730 --> 00:45:16.063 Service, service to another. 00:45:17.221 --> 00:45:18.900 Oxytocin wins. 00:45:18.900 --> 00:45:20.095 Serotonin wins. 00:45:20.095 --> 00:45:21.856 The more we look after each other, 00:45:21.856 --> 00:45:24.364 the safer we feel, the more we feel like we belong, 00:45:24.364 --> 00:45:26.853 and the more we will work together 00:45:26.853 --> 00:45:29.057 to confront the dangers outside. 00:45:29.057 --> 00:45:33.224 Do this for others and others will become Johnny Bravo. 00:45:34.193 --> 00:45:35.623 Thanks very much. 00:45:35.623 --> 00:45:37.648 (audience applauding) 00:45:37.648 --> 00:45:40.231 (bright music)