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(bright piano music)

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- So the date is August 16th, 2002

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and flying over a valley in Afghanistan

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are two A-10 Warthogs.

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An A-10 is a heavily armored, low-flying,

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slow aircraft designed
to provide ground cover

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for troops on the ground.

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On this night it's a
very, very cloudy night.

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There are storms in the area.

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And these two planes hanging
up above just waiting

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in case anybody down below needs help.

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Up there it's gorgeous.

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The moon is bright.

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There's thousand of stars in the sky.

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The clouds look like the
snow had just fallen.

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Down below in the valley, however,

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there were 22 special forces,

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special operations forces troops,

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trying to make their
way through the country

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and they could feel that
something was wrong.

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They felt uneasy.

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One of the pilots up above
call signed Johnny Bravo,

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and yes, he stands like this,

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he could feel their unease

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listening to them over the radio

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so he decides he was gonna
go down below the cloud

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and just have a look.

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He tells his wingman, "Hang out up here.

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"I'll go see what there is."

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And he points his plane
down into the clouds.

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As he's going through the clouds,

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the call comes over the radio.

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Troops in contact.

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Troops in contact is what they say

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when they come under effective fire.

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It means they're in trouble.

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Now Johnny Bravo points
his plane straight down.

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The plane's getting thrashed
about in the turbulence.

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When he comes out below the clouds

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he's less than 1,000 feet off the ground

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and he's flying in a valley,

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cliffs on both sides.

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This is only 2002 and the
planes were not yet equipped

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with ground hugging radar

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and worse, they were
using old Russian maps.

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That's all they had at the time.

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The sight that greets him

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is something like he's never seen before,

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not in training and not in the movies.

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He sees tracer fire,

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fire coming from all sides of the valley

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pointed right in the middle
where the American forces are.

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He picks a point and starts
to lay down suppressing fire.

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He's flying

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and he's in danger of
hitting the cliff, of course.

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He knows his speed, he knows
his distance from the map,

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and he literally counts out loud

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while he lays down the suppressing fire,

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"One one thousand, two one thousand,

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"three one thousand, four one
thousand, five one thousand."

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Pulls hard on the stick,
pulls back up into the cloud,

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comes down around again.

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"One one thousand, two one thousand,

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"three one thousand, four one thousand."

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"Good hits, good hits,"
it says over his radio.

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And again he comes around.

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"One one thousand, two one thousand,

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"three one thousand, four one
thousand, five one thousand."

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He runs out of ammunition.

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Fuel is fine.

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Flies back up to the top of the cloud,

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tells his wingman, "You
need to get down there."

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His wingman isn't sure
about the conditions

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so the two of them fly back down together.

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His wingman lays down the suppressing fire

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and Johnny Bravo counts

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as they fly three feet
apart from each other,

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wing to wing.

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"One one thousand, two one thousand,

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"three one thousand, four one
thousand, five one thousand."

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Up and around again.

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"One one thousand, two one thousand,

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"three one thousand, four one
thousand, five one thousand."

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That night 22 Americans went home alive

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with zero causalities.

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My question is

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is where do people like
Johnny Bravo come from?

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Who are they?

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Who would risk their lives for others

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so that they may survive?

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I asked Johnny Bravo.

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I asked him, "Why would you do it?

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"Why would you risk your life
so that others may survive?"

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He gave me the same answer

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that everybody in his position gives,

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"Because they would have done it for me."

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Now, if you think about it

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in the military they give medal to people

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who are willing to sacrifice themselves

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so that others may gain.

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In business we give bonuses to people

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who are willing to sacrifice
others so that we may gain.

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We have it backwards.

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Wouldn't you like to
work in an organization

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in which you have the absolute confidence

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and the absolute knowledge

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that other people that
you may or may not know

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who work in the same organization as you

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would be willing to sacrifice themselves

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so that you may survive.

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We're not talking about giving your life.

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We don't even like to
give up credit, you know?

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Where do people like
Johnny Bravo come from?

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Well it's an age old question.

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They're not born, they're actually made.

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If you look at the human animal,

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the human animal is like a machine.

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There are systems inside our bodies

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that are trying to get us to do things

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that are in the interest of the survival

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of the human animal.

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Just like in a business, in a company,

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if you want people to do something

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you offer them some sort of
positive or negative incentive

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to direct the behavior, right?

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If you want people to
achieve a certain goal,

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you offer them a bonus
if they achieve that goal

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and they'll work towards that goal

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because they want the bonus.

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It's a very simple system.

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The human body works exactly the same way.

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It works exactly the same way.

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Inside our bodies are chemicals

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that are trying to get us to do things

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that are in the best interest of us.

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If you've ever had a feeling of happiness,

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pride, joy, love, fulfillment,

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all of these feelings that we have

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are chemically produced feelings.

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They're produced by four
chemicals predominantly.

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These are basically responsible

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for all of the feelings

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that I would generically call happiness.

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They are endorphins, dopamine,
serotonin, and oxytocin.

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EDSO.

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These two chemicals,
endorphins and dopamine,

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I like to call these the selfish chemicals

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because you don't really need
anybody's help to get them.

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Let me tell you a little
bit about what they are.

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Endorphins.

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Endorphins are designed to do
one thing and one thing only,

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mask physical pain.

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That's it.

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That's what they do.

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If you're a runner,

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if you've ever gone
and done heavy exercise

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you've heard of an endorphin
rush or a runner's high.

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Basically what's happening is
when that runner's out there

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pushing their bodies harder
than they've ever pushed before

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they feel good.

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When they're done with their
run they feel fantastic.

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Then an hour later they're in pain

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for damage they caused to
their muscles an hour before.

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This is what endorphins
are designed to do.

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They're designed to make physical pain.

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The caveman reason for this stuff,

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'cause this stuff is all
from 50,000 years ago,

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understand homo sapien
existed at the same time

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as other hominid species

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and yet we survived and they didn't.

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What is it about this species

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that's so good at survival and thriving?

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Look at the world we've built.

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It's not just that we're smart.

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We're certainly not the strongest

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and we're certainly not the smartest.

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It's that we're social animals.

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We have to do things together.

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We have to look after each other.

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And we have to work together

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to ensure that we
survive, that we do well.

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This is how we're designed.

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These chemicals are trying
to make that happen.

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In these caveman times 50,000 years ago,

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Paleolithic era,

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we had to eat.

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We're not the strongest,
we're not the fastest.

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But there's one thing that
the human animal is made for:

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endurance.

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We could track an animal for
hours and hours and hours

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and miles and miles and miles

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and if we were tired we'd keep going.

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If we got injured

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or we had to bring the
food back to the cave,

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we'd continue to do it.

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It was so good, it felt so good,

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that maybe we'd even volunteer
to go hunting the next day

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just like we get addicted
to exercise, right?

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Oh my God, it was so much fun yesterday.

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I will totally go hunting tomorrow.

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Good system for the survival of the group.

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Good system.

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By the way, the reason laughing feels good

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is because of endorphins.

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You're actually convulsing
your internal organs

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and endorphins are
masking the physical pain.

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I'm sure everybody here
has laughed so much

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that the endorphins eventually run out

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and you go, "Stop, stop, it hurts."

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(audience laughing)

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Endorphins.

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They feel good.

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Dopamine.

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Dopamine is the feeling

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that you found something
you're looking for

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or that you accomplish something
you set out to accomplish.

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You know that feeling you get

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when you cross something
off your to do list?

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That's dopamine.

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Feels awesome.

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You know when you have a goal to hit

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and you achieve that goal
and you're like, "Yes!"

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You feel like you've won something, right?

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That's dopamine.

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The whole purpose of dopamine

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is to make sure that we get stuff done.

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The historical reason for dopamine,

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we would never eat if we only
waited until we got hungry

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because there was no guarantee
that we would find food.

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So dopamine exists to help
us go looking for food.

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We get dopamine when we eat,

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which is one of the
reasons we like eating,

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and so when you see something

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that reminds you of
something that feels good

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we wanna do the behavior

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that helps us get that feeling, right?

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Let's say you're out
there going for a walk

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and you see an apple tree in the distance.

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(fingers snapping)
You get a small hit

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of dopamine.

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Then what it does is it
focuses us on our goals.

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Now we start walking
towards the apple tree.

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As the apple tree starts
to get a little bigger,

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we feel like we're making progress,

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(fingers snapping)
you get another little shot

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of dopamine

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(fingers snapping)
and another little

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shot of dopamine until you get to the tree

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and you're like, "Yes!"

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This is why we're told you
must write down your goals.

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Your goals must be tangible.

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There's a biological reason for that.

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We're very, very visually
oriented animals.

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You have to be able to see the goal

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for it to biologically stay focused.

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If you don't write down your goals,

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if you can't see your goals,

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it's very hard to get
motivated, to get inspired.

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For example, think
about corporate visions.

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A corporate vision has to
be some thing we can see.

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That's why it's called a vision.

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00:09:36,222 --> 00:09:37,866
You can see it.

263
00:09:37,866 --> 00:09:39,799
To be the biggest, most respected,

264
00:09:39,799 --> 00:09:42,682
to be the fastest growing are not visions.

265
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:44,428
They're nothing.

266
00:09:44,428 --> 00:09:45,946
What does that even look like?

267
00:09:45,946 --> 00:09:47,153
Respected by whom?

268
00:09:47,153 --> 00:09:48,504
Your mother, your self,

269
00:09:48,504 --> 00:09:50,846
your friends, your
shareholders, who knows?

270
00:09:50,846 --> 00:09:51,739
What's the metric?

271
00:09:51,739 --> 00:09:52,677
Don't know.

272
00:09:52,677 --> 00:09:53,543
It's amorphous.

273
00:09:53,543 --> 00:09:55,175
Doesn't motivate us.

274
00:09:55,175 --> 00:09:56,663
Just like I can't tell you

275
00:09:56,663 --> 00:10:00,385
you will get a bonus if you achieve more.

276
00:10:00,385 --> 00:10:02,277
You're gonna ask me, "How much more?"

277
00:10:02,277 --> 00:10:04,732
I'm gonna say, "More."

278
00:10:04,732 --> 00:10:05,722
Doesn't work.

279
00:10:05,722 --> 00:10:07,630
You need a tangible goal.

280
00:10:07,630 --> 00:10:09,000
You need a tangible goal.

281
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,975
Here's a great vision.

282
00:10:10,975 --> 00:10:13,820
Martin Luther King, I have a dream

283
00:10:13,820 --> 00:10:17,383
that one day little black
children and little white children

284
00:10:17,383 --> 00:10:18,600
will play on the playground together

285
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:19,909
then hold hands together.

286
00:10:19,909 --> 00:10:21,140
We can imagine that.

287
00:10:21,140 --> 00:10:22,686
We can set our sights on that.

288
00:10:22,686 --> 00:10:25,275
Every time we achieve a
goal and achieve a metric

289
00:10:25,275 --> 00:10:26,147
and achieve a milestone

290
00:10:26,147 --> 00:10:28,620
that makes us feel like
we're making progress

291
00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:30,333
to the vision we can see,

292
00:10:30,333 --> 00:10:31,166
(fingers snapping)

293
00:10:31,166 --> 00:10:31,999
we keep going and going and going

294
00:10:31,999 --> 00:10:34,150
until we achieve something remarkable.

295
00:10:34,150 --> 00:10:35,516
You have to be able to see it.

296
00:10:35,516 --> 00:10:36,349
Dopamine.

297
00:10:38,361 --> 00:10:40,754
Like I said, dopamine
is the feeling you get

298
00:10:40,754 --> 00:10:41,918
when you set out to find something

299
00:10:41,918 --> 00:10:43,326
you're looking for, as well.

300
00:10:43,326 --> 00:10:44,869
We talked about the to do list.

301
00:10:44,869 --> 00:10:47,978
I came home from a trip
just a couple days ago

302
00:10:47,978 --> 00:10:49,545
and I had a bunch of errands to run

303
00:10:49,545 --> 00:10:51,904
and I wrote down a little
list of things I had to do

304
00:10:51,904 --> 00:10:53,902
and off I went.

305
00:10:53,902 --> 00:10:56,452
As I was walking past, I
think it was the dry cleaners,

306
00:10:56,452 --> 00:10:58,747
I don't remember, I was
walking past something,

307
00:10:58,747 --> 00:11:00,013
I remembered oh, I have to do that

308
00:11:00,013 --> 00:11:02,665
and I hadn't written it
down on my to do list

309
00:11:02,665 --> 00:11:04,963
so I went in and finished
what I needed to do

310
00:11:04,963 --> 00:11:08,093
and then when I came out I
then wrote it on my to do list

311
00:11:08,093 --> 00:11:09,512
and then crossed it out.

312
00:11:09,512 --> 00:11:10,950
(audience laughing)

313
00:11:10,950 --> 00:11:12,136
'Cause I wanted the dopamine.

314
00:11:12,136 --> 00:11:13,053
Feels good.

315
00:11:15,472 --> 00:11:18,258
Dopamine comes with a warning.

316
00:11:18,258 --> 00:11:22,008
Dopamine is highly,
highly, highly addictive.

317
00:11:24,483 --> 00:11:27,242
Here's some other things
that release dopamine.

318
00:11:27,242 --> 00:11:30,992
Alcohol, nicotine,
gambling, your cell phone.

319
00:11:33,243 --> 00:11:34,076
(audience laughing)

320
00:11:34,076 --> 00:11:35,472
Oh, you think I'm joking.

321
00:11:35,472 --> 00:11:36,839
Okay, we've all been told

322
00:11:36,839 --> 00:11:39,672
that if you wake up in the morning

323
00:11:41,004 --> 00:11:44,694
and you crave a drink,
you might be an alcoholic.

324
00:11:44,694 --> 00:11:45,780
Well if you wake up in the morning

325
00:11:45,780 --> 00:11:46,866
and the first thing you
do is check your phone

326
00:11:46,866 --> 00:11:49,813
before you even get out of bed,

327
00:11:49,813 --> 00:11:51,270
you might be an addict.

328
00:11:51,270 --> 00:11:54,497
If you walk from room to
room in your own apartment

329
00:11:54,497 --> 00:11:55,930
holding your telephone,

330
00:11:55,930 --> 00:11:58,930
(audience laughing)

331
00:12:01,411 --> 00:12:03,409
you might be an addict.

332
00:12:03,409 --> 00:12:05,019
When you're driving in your car

333
00:12:05,019 --> 00:12:08,113
and you get a text and
your phone goes beep,

334
00:12:08,113 --> 00:12:11,422
we hate email, true, we love
the beep, the buzz, the ding.

335
00:12:11,422 --> 00:12:14,063
(moaning)

336
00:12:14,063 --> 00:12:14,905
Right?

337
00:12:14,905 --> 00:12:16,296
You'll be there in 10 minutes

338
00:12:16,296 --> 00:12:19,454
and yet you have to look at it right now.

339
00:12:19,454 --> 00:12:20,479
You might be an addict.

340
00:12:20,479 --> 00:12:21,312
Even if you read it

341
00:12:21,312 --> 00:12:23,810
and it says are you free
for dinner next Thursday

342
00:12:23,810 --> 00:12:25,427
and you have to reply immediately,

343
00:12:25,427 --> 00:12:28,700
you can't wait the 10 minutes,
you might be an addict.

344
00:12:28,700 --> 00:12:30,229
For all you gen y's out there

345
00:12:30,229 --> 00:12:31,846
who like to think that
you're better at multitasking

346
00:12:31,846 --> 00:12:33,502
because you grew up with the technology,

347
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:36,777
then why do you keep crashing
your cars when you're texting?

348
00:12:36,777 --> 00:12:38,341
(audience laughing)

349
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:39,990
You're not better at multitasking,

350
00:12:39,990 --> 00:12:41,780
you're better at getting distracted.

351
00:12:41,780 --> 00:12:44,863
In fact if you look at the statistics

352
00:12:45,834 --> 00:12:47,782
diagnoses of ADD and ADHD

353
00:12:47,782 --> 00:12:51,145
have risen 66% in the past 10 years.

354
00:12:51,145 --> 00:12:55,198
ADD and ADHD is a frontal lobe disorder.

355
00:12:55,198 --> 00:12:56,947
Are you telling me out of nowhere

356
00:12:56,947 --> 00:12:59,929
66% of our youth have a frontal problem?

357
00:12:59,929 --> 00:13:01,168
Where did that come from?

358
00:13:01,168 --> 00:13:03,795
No, it's a misdiagnosis.

359
00:13:03,795 --> 00:13:07,367
What are the symptoms of a
dopamine addiction to technology?

360
00:13:07,367 --> 00:13:08,313
Distractibility,

361
00:13:08,313 --> 00:13:10,694
inability to get things done,

362
00:13:10,694 --> 00:13:14,836
easily distracted, shortness of attention,

363
00:13:14,836 --> 00:13:17,633
it's all the same thing
so we misdiagnose things.

364
00:13:17,633 --> 00:13:18,466
It's this.

365
00:13:18,466 --> 00:13:20,556
It's the addictive quality of dopamine.

366
00:13:20,556 --> 00:13:23,448
We can also get addicted to
performance in our companies

367
00:13:23,448 --> 00:13:25,325
when all they do is
give us numbers to hit,

368
00:13:25,325 --> 00:13:26,586
numbers to hit, numbers to hit,

369
00:13:26,586 --> 00:13:28,362
and a bonus you get and a bonus you get

370
00:13:28,362 --> 00:13:29,378
and a bonus you get.

371
00:13:29,378 --> 00:13:31,042
All they're doing is
feeding us with dopamine

372
00:13:31,042 --> 00:13:32,182
and we can't help ourselves.

373
00:13:32,182 --> 00:13:34,032
All we do is want more, more, and more.

374
00:13:34,032 --> 00:13:37,114
It's no surprise that the
banks destroyed the economy

375
00:13:37,114 --> 00:13:39,533
because one of the things we
know about a dopamine addict

376
00:13:39,533 --> 00:13:41,198
is they will do anything
to get another hit,

377
00:13:41,198 --> 00:13:43,074
sometimes at the sacrifice
of their own resources

378
00:13:43,074 --> 00:13:43,986
and their relationships.

379
00:13:43,986 --> 00:13:47,013
Ask any alcoholic, gambling
addict, or drug addict.

380
00:13:47,013 --> 00:13:48,957
Ask them how their relationships are doing

381
00:13:48,957 --> 00:13:51,366
and if they've squandered
any of their resources.

382
00:13:51,366 --> 00:13:52,520
It's an addiction.

383
00:13:52,520 --> 00:13:56,020
Dopamine is dangerous if it is unbalanced.

384
00:13:57,081 --> 00:13:58,301
It is hugely helpful

385
00:13:58,301 --> 00:14:00,415
when in a comfortable and balanced system.

386
00:14:00,415 --> 00:14:04,582
But when unbalanced it's
dangerous and it's destructive.

387
00:14:06,066 --> 00:14:08,354
You don't need anybody's
help to get these.

388
00:14:08,354 --> 00:14:11,772
Go for a run, achieve your
goals, you'll get dopamine,

389
00:14:11,772 --> 00:14:13,358
you'll get endorphins,

390
00:14:13,358 --> 00:14:14,790
but you won't have any feeling

391
00:14:14,790 --> 00:14:16,551
of fulfillment or love or trust.

392
00:14:16,551 --> 00:14:17,724
That's where these come in.

393
00:14:17,724 --> 00:14:19,711
These are attempting to manage these.

394
00:14:19,711 --> 00:14:21,511
This is what makes our society great.

395
00:14:21,511 --> 00:14:24,720
This is where people like
Johnny Bravo come from.

396
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:26,610
It's because of these two chemicals

397
00:14:26,610 --> 00:14:30,006
that leaders really fulfill
their great responsibility.

398
00:14:30,006 --> 00:14:32,506
Outside in the world is danger

399
00:14:33,805 --> 00:14:36,450
at all times for various reasons.

400
00:14:36,450 --> 00:14:37,685
In caveman times

401
00:14:37,685 --> 00:14:41,495
that danger may have been
a saber-toothed tiger,

402
00:14:41,495 --> 00:14:42,890
it may have been the weather,

403
00:14:42,890 --> 00:14:44,890
it may have been a lack of resources,

404
00:14:44,890 --> 00:14:47,061
it may have been who knows,
any number of things,

405
00:14:47,061 --> 00:14:50,240
things that with no conscience
are trying to kill you.

406
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,216
They want to end your life.

407
00:14:52,216 --> 00:14:54,028
So how do we survive?

408
00:14:54,028 --> 00:14:55,390
We work together.

409
00:14:55,390 --> 00:14:58,280
Together we come together in our groups

410
00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:00,653
and our companies and our tribes

411
00:15:00,653 --> 00:15:02,316
to feel like we belong,

412
00:15:02,316 --> 00:15:04,376
to be around people who
believe what we believe

413
00:15:04,376 --> 00:15:06,459
so that we may feel safe.

414
00:15:07,351 --> 00:15:09,083
When we're surrounded by people

415
00:15:09,083 --> 00:15:11,510
who have our best interest
in mind and we feel safe

416
00:15:11,510 --> 00:15:13,393
we will organize ourselves and cooperate

417
00:15:13,393 --> 00:15:14,974
to face the dangers externally.

418
00:15:14,974 --> 00:15:18,248
Don't forget the outside
dangers are a constant.

419
00:15:18,248 --> 00:15:19,129
In a modern world

420
00:15:19,129 --> 00:15:20,946
the outside dangers
may be your competition

421
00:15:20,946 --> 00:15:22,177
that's trying to put you out of business,

422
00:15:22,177 --> 00:15:23,829
or at least steal your business.

423
00:15:23,829 --> 00:15:26,423
It might be the ebbs and
flows of the economy.

424
00:15:26,423 --> 00:15:27,557
It might be terrorism.

425
00:15:27,557 --> 00:15:30,287
All of these unknowns all trying
to put you out of business,

426
00:15:30,287 --> 00:15:32,538
take away your job, take
away your livelihood,

427
00:15:32,538 --> 00:15:33,421
end it for you.

428
00:15:33,421 --> 00:15:34,799
Nothing personal.

429
00:15:34,799 --> 00:15:36,270
It's a constant.

430
00:15:36,270 --> 00:15:37,718
Inside our organizations

431
00:15:37,718 --> 00:15:41,885
the dangers we face are not a
constant, they are a variable.

432
00:15:42,888 --> 00:15:45,742
They are the decisions of leadership

433
00:15:45,742 --> 00:15:49,108
as to how safe they make
us feel when we go to work.

434
00:15:49,108 --> 00:15:51,358
This is the job of leaders.

435
00:15:52,266 --> 00:15:55,009
Aesop said it better than I can.

436
00:15:55,009 --> 00:15:56,997
There's an Aesop fable

437
00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:59,559
about four oxen that stand tail to tail.

438
00:15:59,559 --> 00:16:01,440
Whenever the lion tries to eat them,

439
00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:03,927
no matter what angle
from which he attacks,

440
00:16:03,927 --> 00:16:06,396
he will always be met with horns.

441
00:16:06,396 --> 00:16:08,932
However, due to infighting
and disagreements

442
00:16:08,932 --> 00:16:11,926
they separate and they go and graze

443
00:16:11,926 --> 00:16:14,186
in different parts of the field.

444
00:16:14,186 --> 00:16:18,676
And one by one the lion picks
them off and kills them all.

445
00:16:18,676 --> 00:16:20,926
When we stand together,

446
00:16:20,926 --> 00:16:23,906
we can more easily face
the dangers outside.

447
00:16:23,906 --> 00:16:25,891
When we break up inside our companies,

448
00:16:25,891 --> 00:16:27,502
if our leaders don't allow us a space

449
00:16:27,502 --> 00:16:29,446
to feel safe inside our own companies,

450
00:16:29,446 --> 00:16:30,875
to feel like we belong,

451
00:16:30,875 --> 00:16:33,949
then we have to, we're forced
to exert our own energy

452
00:16:33,949 --> 00:16:36,389
to protect ourselves from each other

453
00:16:36,389 --> 00:16:38,042
and, by the way, expose ourselves

454
00:16:38,042 --> 00:16:40,078
to greater danger from the outside.

455
00:16:40,078 --> 00:16:41,732
If you have to worry about politics,

456
00:16:41,732 --> 00:16:43,742
if you have to worry about
someone stealing your credit,

457
00:16:43,742 --> 00:16:46,715
if you have to worry about
your boss not having your back,

458
00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:49,562
think about the energy you
invest, not in your business,

459
00:16:49,562 --> 00:16:51,355
not in the products
you're trying to develop,

460
00:16:51,355 --> 00:16:54,070
not in your work, not in
how great you're producing,

461
00:16:54,070 --> 00:16:55,164
not in your creativity,

462
00:16:55,164 --> 00:16:58,540
but in just keeping yourself feeling safe.

463
00:16:58,540 --> 00:17:00,207
This is destructive.

464
00:17:01,531 --> 00:17:03,357
The responsibility of
leadership is two things.

465
00:17:03,357 --> 00:17:07,012
One, to determine who gets
in and who doesn't get in.

466
00:17:07,012 --> 00:17:08,621
This is what it means to start with why.

467
00:17:08,621 --> 00:17:10,203
What are our values, what are our beliefs?

468
00:17:10,203 --> 00:17:11,863
Who can we allow in?

469
00:17:11,863 --> 00:17:15,002
Second thing is to decide how big this is.

470
00:17:15,002 --> 00:17:16,919
How big do we make the circle of safety?

471
00:17:16,919 --> 00:17:18,880
How big do we make the
circle of belonging?

472
00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:21,449
Do we keep it around just
our c-level executives

473
00:17:21,449 --> 00:17:23,473
and call it an inner circle

474
00:17:23,473 --> 00:17:25,933
and allow others to try
and fend for themselves

475
00:17:25,933 --> 00:17:29,249
and maybe trying to get
into our inner circle?

476
00:17:29,249 --> 00:17:30,174
Or do we extend it

477
00:17:30,174 --> 00:17:32,329
to the outermost edges
of the organization?

478
00:17:32,329 --> 00:17:34,671
Great leaders extend the circle of safety,

479
00:17:34,671 --> 00:17:37,575
the circle of belonging,
out to the outer most edges

480
00:17:37,575 --> 00:17:41,523
so the most junior person
feels like they belong,

481
00:17:41,523 --> 00:17:45,093
feels safe, feels like they have top cover

482
00:17:45,093 --> 00:17:47,357
from somebody like Johnny Bravo.

483
00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:51,844
That's what these other two
chemicals are trying to do.

484
00:17:51,844 --> 00:17:54,605
Serotonin is the leadership chemical,

485
00:17:54,605 --> 00:17:58,605
is responsible for feelings
of pride and status.

486
00:18:00,921 --> 00:18:03,379
This is why public
recognition is very important.

487
00:18:03,379 --> 00:18:06,926
We are social animals and we
need the recognition of others.

488
00:18:06,926 --> 00:18:08,611
This is why we have the Oscars

489
00:18:08,611 --> 00:18:11,383
and this is why we have
public awards events.

490
00:18:11,383 --> 00:18:14,576
This is why we have
commencement for graduation.

491
00:18:14,576 --> 00:18:15,484
Think about it.

492
00:18:15,484 --> 00:18:18,595
What does it really take
to graduate college?

493
00:18:18,595 --> 00:18:19,981
You need to pay your bills,

494
00:18:19,981 --> 00:18:21,405
fulfill the minimum requirements,

495
00:18:21,405 --> 00:18:23,671
and collect enough credits.

496
00:18:23,671 --> 00:18:24,951
That's it.

497
00:18:24,951 --> 00:18:26,104
It's a formula.

498
00:18:26,104 --> 00:18:28,231
You can get an email that
says congratulations,

499
00:18:28,231 --> 00:18:31,368
you've fulfilled all the
requirements for graduation,

500
00:18:31,368 --> 00:18:35,047
enclosed please print out
the PDF of your diploma.

501
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,845
PS, magna cum laude.

502
00:18:36,845 --> 00:18:37,932
Right?

503
00:18:37,932 --> 00:18:39,667
Wouldn't feel so good, right?

504
00:18:39,667 --> 00:18:42,008
Instead we have a big ceremony

505
00:18:42,008 --> 00:18:43,949
to recognize the accomplishment.

506
00:18:43,949 --> 00:18:47,322
In the audience we put
our family and our friends

507
00:18:47,322 --> 00:18:49,183
and our teachers, all
of those in our tribe

508
00:18:49,183 --> 00:18:51,375
who have supported us
and watched our backs

509
00:18:51,375 --> 00:18:53,191
as we've made it through.

510
00:18:53,191 --> 00:18:54,655
Then we show up on that day

511
00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:57,421
and we go up on that stage
and we take our diploma.

512
00:18:57,421 --> 00:18:58,526
It feels great.

513
00:18:58,526 --> 00:19:01,323
We feel our status rise,
we feel our pride go up.

514
00:19:01,323 --> 00:19:03,549
By the way, when you have
serotonin in your veins

515
00:19:03,549 --> 00:19:05,975
your confidence goes up also.

516
00:19:05,975 --> 00:19:09,039
Here's the best part about serotonin.

517
00:19:09,039 --> 00:19:12,547
At the exact moment that
you took your diploma

518
00:19:12,547 --> 00:19:14,971
and you felt that surge of
serotonin go through your body,

519
00:19:14,971 --> 00:19:18,146
at the exact moment your
parents sitting in the audience

520
00:19:18,146 --> 00:19:19,647
also got a surge of serotonin

521
00:19:19,647 --> 00:19:22,866
and also felt an intense
pride watching you graduate.

522
00:19:22,866 --> 00:19:25,827
This is what serotonin is trying to do.

523
00:19:25,827 --> 00:19:28,437
It is trying to reinforce the relationship

524
00:19:28,437 --> 00:19:31,585
between parent and
child, boss and employee,

525
00:19:31,585 --> 00:19:34,215
coach and player, the caregiver

526
00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:38,605
and the one who is grateful
for the support they are given.

527
00:19:38,605 --> 00:19:39,681
Think about it.

528
00:19:39,681 --> 00:19:41,856
Think of the speeches that we give.

529
00:19:41,856 --> 00:19:44,146
If you give an award to
somebody, what do they say?

530
00:19:44,146 --> 00:19:45,463
I couldn't have done it,

531
00:19:45,463 --> 00:19:47,616
I thank God, I thank my
parents, I thank my coach.

532
00:19:47,616 --> 00:19:51,233
We thank the person who we
believe was looking out for us.

533
00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:54,580
"We could not have done
this without them," we say.

534
00:19:54,580 --> 00:19:57,758
And they look at us and they
say, "I'm so proud of you."

535
00:19:57,758 --> 00:19:59,777
And we work to make them proud.

536
00:19:59,777 --> 00:20:01,702
Great teams don't wanna win the trophy.

537
00:20:01,702 --> 00:20:04,155
Great teams wanna win one for the coach.

538
00:20:04,155 --> 00:20:06,410
They wanna make the coach proud.

539
00:20:06,410 --> 00:20:09,071
We wanna make our parents proud.

540
00:20:09,071 --> 00:20:11,903
It raises our status and
it raises our confidence

541
00:20:11,903 --> 00:20:14,619
and it feels good and we in
turn will look after others

542
00:20:14,619 --> 00:20:16,010
so that they may accomplish the same.

543
00:20:16,010 --> 00:20:20,080
This is what serotonin is
trying desperately to do.

544
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,963
The problem is you can trick serotonin.

545
00:20:22,963 --> 00:20:25,220
We live in a materialist society

546
00:20:25,220 --> 00:20:27,701
so we judge status very
often in our country

547
00:20:27,701 --> 00:20:30,135
based on how much money you make.

548
00:20:30,135 --> 00:20:33,865
Any conspicuous display of
wealth raises your status.

549
00:20:33,865 --> 00:20:37,482
This is why they put the
logos on the outside.

550
00:20:37,482 --> 00:20:38,810
No good on the inside.

551
00:20:38,810 --> 00:20:40,660
Nobody can see them.

552
00:20:40,660 --> 00:20:44,763
We want the red line of our Prada glasses.

553
00:20:44,763 --> 00:20:46,556
You own a pair of designer shoes,

554
00:20:46,556 --> 00:20:49,057
how good does it feel to
put on your Gucci shoes?

555
00:20:49,057 --> 00:20:50,227
Oh my God, it feels so good

556
00:20:50,227 --> 00:20:51,948
and you walk out and you
feel a million bucks.

557
00:20:51,948 --> 00:20:53,836
You can actually feel your confidence rise

558
00:20:53,836 --> 00:20:55,913
when you put on the stuff

559
00:20:55,913 --> 00:20:58,759
because it's showing
this display of status.

560
00:20:58,759 --> 00:20:59,844
It feels great.

561
00:20:59,844 --> 00:21:01,989
The problem is there was no relationship

562
00:21:01,989 --> 00:21:03,498
that was reinforced because of it.

563
00:21:03,498 --> 00:21:05,116
You tricked the system.

564
00:21:05,116 --> 00:21:07,195
That's why we keep trying
to accomplish things

565
00:21:07,195 --> 00:21:09,691
and accumulate more
and more material goods

566
00:21:09,691 --> 00:21:11,396
and yet we never feel successful

567
00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:13,903
because there was no relationship.

568
00:21:13,903 --> 00:21:16,582
We tricked it, we gamed it.

569
00:21:16,582 --> 00:21:19,311
Serotonin is the leadership chemical.

570
00:21:19,311 --> 00:21:20,604
The reason I call it
the leadership chemical

571
00:21:20,604 --> 00:21:24,064
is a historical reason, a
very simple historical reason.

572
00:21:24,064 --> 00:21:26,001
We had a very practical problem

573
00:21:26,001 --> 00:21:27,440
as our animal was developing,

574
00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:28,940
as the homo sapien was developing.

575
00:21:28,940 --> 00:21:33,107
We lived in communities of
about 100 and 150 people

576
00:21:34,203 --> 00:21:35,987
and this is a very practical issue

577
00:21:35,987 --> 00:21:37,132
which is if we're hungry

578
00:21:37,132 --> 00:21:38,228
and somebody brings back food

579
00:21:38,228 --> 00:21:40,092
and drop a carcass on the floor,

580
00:21:40,092 --> 00:21:42,606
we're all gonna rush in to eat.

581
00:21:42,606 --> 00:21:44,996
If you're lucky enough to
be built like a linebacker

582
00:21:44,996 --> 00:21:47,471
you will elbow your way to the front.

583
00:21:47,471 --> 00:21:49,477
If you're the artistic one of the family

584
00:21:49,477 --> 00:21:52,193
(audience laughing)

585
00:21:52,193 --> 00:21:54,497
you get the elbow in the face.

586
00:21:54,497 --> 00:21:57,716
Not a good system to keep
the whole tribe alive

587
00:21:57,716 --> 00:22:00,710
and definitely not a good
system for cooperation.

588
00:22:00,710 --> 00:22:03,073
'Cause remember the value of group living

589
00:22:03,073 --> 00:22:05,879
means that if I trust
you and you trust me,

590
00:22:05,879 --> 00:22:07,699
I can fall asleep at night

591
00:22:07,699 --> 00:22:09,650
and trust that you will
alert me to danger.

592
00:22:09,650 --> 00:22:11,844
If I don't trust you, I
can't go to sleep at night.

593
00:22:11,844 --> 00:22:13,288
It's the same in our companies.

594
00:22:13,288 --> 00:22:15,104
If we trust each other,
we will turn our backs,

595
00:22:15,104 --> 00:22:16,704
we will take risks, we will innovate,

596
00:22:16,704 --> 00:22:19,137
we will do things that will
change the course of our world.

597
00:22:19,137 --> 00:22:21,930
If I don't trust you I can't do that.

598
00:22:21,930 --> 00:22:22,888
I can't do that.

599
00:22:22,888 --> 00:22:24,988
There's value in group
living and group working.

600
00:22:24,988 --> 00:22:27,193
If you got an elbow in
the face that afternoon,

601
00:22:27,193 --> 00:22:29,518
odds are very high that
you're not gonna wake the guy

602
00:22:29,518 --> 00:22:31,373
who punched you of dangers there.

603
00:22:31,373 --> 00:22:32,599
You're just not gonna do it.

604
00:22:32,599 --> 00:22:33,958
Bad system.

605
00:22:33,958 --> 00:22:37,358
We evolved into higher
hierarchical animals.

606
00:22:37,358 --> 00:22:39,733
We're constantly assessing
and judging each other,

607
00:22:39,733 --> 00:22:41,647
constantly ranging ourselves.

608
00:22:41,647 --> 00:22:43,476
Who's the alpha, who's the dominant,

609
00:22:43,476 --> 00:22:47,199
who's the one who sort of is
the more dominant personality

610
00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:49,782
or dominant talent in the room?

611
00:22:50,768 --> 00:22:53,017
In caveman times it might
have been physical muscle.

612
00:22:53,017 --> 00:22:54,971
In the creative industry
it might be talent.

613
00:22:54,971 --> 00:22:57,132
In the military it might be courage.

614
00:22:57,132 --> 00:23:00,680
There's no standard by
which we judge alphas.

615
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:03,192
It's relative to the industries we're in.

616
00:23:03,192 --> 00:23:04,855
It's relative to us, as well.

617
00:23:04,855 --> 00:23:06,044
If you've ever met someone

618
00:23:06,044 --> 00:23:09,415
and you were nervous while
you were meeting them,

619
00:23:09,415 --> 00:23:11,482
you're not the alpha.

620
00:23:11,482 --> 00:23:13,400
We've all had the experience
where we're meeting somebody

621
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:15,870
and we can sense that
they're nervous meeting us.

622
00:23:15,870 --> 00:23:17,432
You're the alpha.

623
00:23:17,432 --> 00:23:19,720
I'll tell you a little
aside that's kind of funny.

624
00:23:19,720 --> 00:23:21,983
You know when women all live together

625
00:23:21,983 --> 00:23:24,400
their menstrual cycles align?

626
00:23:26,780 --> 00:23:29,627
Assuming they're not on the
pill, then it doesn't work.

627
00:23:29,627 --> 00:23:30,602
But if they're not on the pill

628
00:23:30,602 --> 00:23:31,570
then all the menstrual cycles

629
00:23:31,570 --> 00:23:33,530
go together on the same schedule.

630
00:23:33,530 --> 00:23:35,497
It's not arbitrary.

631
00:23:35,497 --> 00:23:38,935
They always align with the
alpha female's schedule.

632
00:23:38,935 --> 00:23:39,943
The reason is

633
00:23:39,943 --> 00:23:42,057
is because when a woman
is in her menstrual cycle

634
00:23:42,057 --> 00:23:43,432
she can't bear children.

635
00:23:43,432 --> 00:23:44,658
So in evolutionary terms

636
00:23:44,658 --> 00:23:46,423
you want the alpha male
and the alpha female

637
00:23:46,423 --> 00:23:48,599
to do it so you can have alpha children,

638
00:23:48,599 --> 00:23:50,791
nice, strong, strapping
kids who are gonna survive,

639
00:23:50,791 --> 00:23:53,499
but if she's off the market
that produces competition.

640
00:23:53,499 --> 00:23:56,418
Mother nature has
created a very clever way

641
00:23:56,418 --> 00:23:59,013
that when she's off the market
everyone's off the market.

642
00:23:59,013 --> 00:24:00,533
(audience laughing)

643
00:24:00,533 --> 00:24:02,866
(chuckling)

644
00:24:05,216 --> 00:24:06,633
Back to the talk.

645
00:24:09,843 --> 00:24:10,743
We're constantly judging

646
00:24:10,743 --> 00:24:12,882
and assessing each other who's alpha.

647
00:24:12,882 --> 00:24:15,366
What we do is when we assess
that someone else is the alpha

648
00:24:15,366 --> 00:24:18,702
we voluntarily take a step back

649
00:24:18,702 --> 00:24:20,850
and allow them to eat first.

650
00:24:20,850 --> 00:24:23,753
Alphas get first choice of
meat and first choice of mate.

651
00:24:23,753 --> 00:24:24,973
Good system.

652
00:24:24,973 --> 00:24:25,839
Good system.

653
00:24:25,839 --> 00:24:26,867
The alpha gets to eat first.

654
00:24:26,867 --> 00:24:28,632
The rest of us may not
get the best cut of meat,

655
00:24:28,632 --> 00:24:29,873
but we will get to eat eventually

656
00:24:29,873 --> 00:24:31,599
and we won't get an elbow in the face.

657
00:24:31,599 --> 00:24:32,432
Good system.

658
00:24:32,432 --> 00:24:34,350
We'll happily alert them to danger later.

659
00:24:34,350 --> 00:24:35,442
Good system.

660
00:24:35,442 --> 00:24:38,265
This is why we're constantly
trying to raise our status

661
00:24:38,265 --> 00:24:40,848
is because there are
benefits to being the alpha.

662
00:24:40,848 --> 00:24:42,968
People will do things for us and step back

663
00:24:42,968 --> 00:24:44,635
and offer us favors.

664
00:24:45,848 --> 00:24:48,966
To this day we're perfectly comfortable

665
00:24:48,966 --> 00:24:51,802
giving special treatment to our alphas.

666
00:24:51,802 --> 00:24:53,507
No one has a problem

667
00:24:53,507 --> 00:24:56,156
that your boss makes more money than you.

668
00:24:56,156 --> 00:24:58,008
You might think he's an ass,

669
00:24:58,008 --> 00:25:00,154
but you don't have a problem
that he makes more money.

670
00:25:00,154 --> 00:25:03,782
Nobody has a problem that
somebody who outranks us at work

671
00:25:03,782 --> 00:25:05,616
has a bigger office than us.

672
00:25:05,616 --> 00:25:06,711
Doesn't offend us.

673
00:25:06,711 --> 00:25:08,346
It is deeply ingrained in us.

674
00:25:08,346 --> 00:25:11,264
We happily step aside and allow our alphas

675
00:25:11,264 --> 00:25:14,031
first choice of meat and
first choice of mate.

676
00:25:14,031 --> 00:25:15,543
It's good to be the king.

677
00:25:15,543 --> 00:25:17,187
There are advantages that
come with being the alpha.

678
00:25:17,187 --> 00:25:19,133
You get special treatment,
you get to eat first.

679
00:25:19,133 --> 00:25:20,807
People show you love and respect.

680
00:25:20,807 --> 00:25:21,971
It boosts the serotonin.

681
00:25:21,971 --> 00:25:23,023
You walk around like this.

682
00:25:23,023 --> 00:25:24,104
It boosts your confidence.

683
00:25:24,104 --> 00:25:25,187
It's awesome.

684
00:25:26,462 --> 00:25:28,890
But it comes at a cost.

685
00:25:28,890 --> 00:25:31,383
You see, the group is not stupid.

686
00:25:31,383 --> 00:25:34,677
We're not giving all of
that stuff away for free.

687
00:25:34,677 --> 00:25:38,077
Leadership, alpha, comes at a cost.

688
00:25:38,077 --> 00:25:39,919
You see, we expect

689
00:25:39,919 --> 00:25:43,752
that when danger threatens
us from the outside

690
00:25:45,441 --> 00:25:48,010
that the person who's actually stronger,

691
00:25:48,010 --> 00:25:49,835
the person who's better fed,

692
00:25:49,835 --> 00:25:53,220
and the person who is actually
teeming with serotonin

693
00:25:53,220 --> 00:25:55,435
and actually has higher
confidence than the rest of us,

694
00:25:55,435 --> 00:25:59,163
we expect them to run towards
the danger to protect us.

695
00:25:59,163 --> 00:26:01,174
This is what it means to be a leader.

696
00:26:01,174 --> 00:26:03,076
The cost of leadership is self interest.

697
00:26:03,076 --> 00:26:06,063
If you're not willing to give
up your perks when it matters

698
00:26:06,063 --> 00:26:08,387
then you probably shouldn't get promoted.

699
00:26:08,387 --> 00:26:10,728
You might be an authority,
but you will not be a leader.

700
00:26:10,728 --> 00:26:12,385
Leadership comes at a cost.

701
00:26:12,385 --> 00:26:14,569
You don't get to do less work
when you get more senior,

702
00:26:14,569 --> 00:26:16,048
you have to do more work.

703
00:26:16,048 --> 00:26:17,225
The more work you have to do

704
00:26:17,225 --> 00:26:19,757
is put yourself at risk
to look after others.

705
00:26:19,757 --> 00:26:24,660
That is the anthropological
definition of what a leader is.

706
00:26:24,660 --> 00:26:28,345
This is why we're so
offended by these banker boys

707
00:26:28,345 --> 00:26:31,206
who pay themselves astronomical salaries.

708
00:26:31,206 --> 00:26:34,073
It has nothing to do with the number.

709
00:26:34,073 --> 00:26:35,438
It has to do with the fact

710
00:26:35,438 --> 00:26:39,486
that they have violated a
deep-seeded social contract.

711
00:26:39,486 --> 00:26:41,831
We know that they made all of that money

712
00:26:41,831 --> 00:26:44,113
and allowed their people to be sacrificed.

713
00:26:44,113 --> 00:26:47,086
In fact, they may have
sacrificed their people

714
00:26:47,086 --> 00:26:48,333
for the money.

715
00:26:48,333 --> 00:26:52,296
If I told you we're
gonna 150 million dollars

716
00:26:52,296 --> 00:26:56,780
to Nelson Mandela, would anyone
have a problem with that?

717
00:26:56,780 --> 00:26:58,012
Nope.

718
00:26:58,012 --> 00:27:00,013
250 millions dollars to Mother Teresa.

719
00:27:00,013 --> 00:27:01,716
Got an issue with it?

720
00:27:01,716 --> 00:27:02,918
Nope.

721
00:27:02,918 --> 00:27:04,064
It's not the number.

722
00:27:04,064 --> 00:27:05,536
It's not the amount of money they make.

723
00:27:05,536 --> 00:27:08,075
It's that we are deeply
and viscerally offended

724
00:27:08,075 --> 00:27:09,849
that we know that we allowed them

725
00:27:09,849 --> 00:27:11,104
to have this alpha position

726
00:27:11,104 --> 00:27:13,361
and they did not fulfill their
responsibility of the alpha.

727
00:27:13,361 --> 00:27:15,893
They're supposed to
sacrifice themselves for us,

728
00:27:15,893 --> 00:27:18,063
never sacrifice us for themselves.

729
00:27:18,063 --> 00:27:22,447
This is why we're angry and
offended and don't trust them.

730
00:27:22,447 --> 00:27:23,280
They fail.

731
00:27:25,705 --> 00:27:28,751
(audience applauding)

732
00:27:28,751 --> 00:27:30,168
Oh, there's more.

733
00:27:32,127 --> 00:27:34,200
(chuckling)

734
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:35,196
Oxytocin.

735
00:27:35,196 --> 00:27:38,209
This is the best chemical of all.

736
00:27:38,209 --> 00:27:42,376
Oxytocin is the feeling of
love and trust and friendship.

737
00:27:43,365 --> 00:27:44,678
It's all the warm and fuzzies.

738
00:27:44,678 --> 00:27:47,475
It's all the unicorns and rainbows.

739
00:27:47,475 --> 00:27:49,491
It's the reason we like to
spend time with our friends

740
00:27:49,491 --> 00:27:51,296
even if we don't do anything with them.

741
00:27:51,296 --> 00:27:52,820
We just sit and watch TV.

742
00:27:52,820 --> 00:27:54,065
We love their company.

743
00:27:54,065 --> 00:27:55,880
I promise you nearly every single person

744
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:57,645
sitting in this room today

745
00:27:57,645 --> 00:28:00,045
chose the person they're sitting next to.

746
00:28:00,045 --> 00:28:01,454
You're not sitting next to a stranger.

747
00:28:01,454 --> 00:28:03,311
You're sitting next to
somebody you met, came with,

748
00:28:03,311 --> 00:28:05,770
or kind of know a little bit.

749
00:28:05,770 --> 00:28:06,603
Why?

750
00:28:06,603 --> 00:28:09,015
'Cause it makes you
feel safer, doesn't it?

751
00:28:09,015 --> 00:28:10,489
If you got up and went
and sat next to strangers

752
00:28:10,489 --> 00:28:11,613
it wouldn't feel so good.

753
00:28:11,613 --> 00:28:13,142
That's the feeling of oxytocin.

754
00:28:13,142 --> 00:28:15,183
Oxytocin is that intense feeling of safety

755
00:28:15,183 --> 00:28:17,125
that someone's got your back.

756
00:28:17,125 --> 00:28:19,510
There are multiple ways
you can get oxytocin.

757
00:28:19,510 --> 00:28:22,098
One way to get it is physical contact.

758
00:28:22,098 --> 00:28:24,098
Hugging feels wonderful.

759
00:28:25,318 --> 00:28:28,212
When women give birth to children,

760
00:28:28,212 --> 00:28:30,831
huge surge of oxytocin in their body.

761
00:28:30,831 --> 00:28:35,380
This is what's responsible
for the mother child bond.

762
00:28:35,380 --> 00:28:37,913
It's all that oxytocin in the system.

763
00:28:37,913 --> 00:28:40,500
This is why shaking hands matters.

764
00:28:40,500 --> 00:28:42,401
Imagine you're doing a deal with someone

765
00:28:42,401 --> 00:28:44,397
and you're ready to sign the contract

766
00:28:44,397 --> 00:28:46,921
and you say, "I'm so excited
to do business with you."

767
00:28:46,921 --> 00:28:48,097
And they go, "I don't need to shake.

768
00:28:48,097 --> 00:28:48,930
"Let's sign the contract.

769
00:28:48,930 --> 00:28:50,508
"I'm also excited to
do business with you."

770
00:28:50,508 --> 00:28:51,341
You go, "Great!

771
00:28:51,341 --> 00:28:52,216
"Well, let's shake on it, then."

772
00:28:52,216 --> 00:28:53,115
They go, "No, no, no, no.

773
00:28:53,115 --> 00:28:54,052
"I agree to all the terms.

774
00:28:54,052 --> 00:28:55,574
"Let's get this deal done.

775
00:28:55,574 --> 00:28:57,409
"I can't wait to work with you."

776
00:28:57,409 --> 00:29:00,204
You might get everything
you want in the contract

777
00:29:00,204 --> 00:29:04,444
but business, relationships,
are not rational.

778
00:29:04,444 --> 00:29:06,890
They're about feeling safe,
they're about feeling we belong.

779
00:29:06,890 --> 00:29:08,498
It's human.

780
00:29:08,498 --> 00:29:09,736
One of the ways we wanna know

781
00:29:09,736 --> 00:29:11,468
that that relationship is solidified

782
00:29:11,468 --> 00:29:13,467
is with physical touch.

783
00:29:13,467 --> 00:29:16,575
Their simple refusal to touch you,

784
00:29:16,575 --> 00:29:18,403
to exchange that oxytocin,

785
00:29:18,403 --> 00:29:20,268
means one of two things will happen.

786
00:29:20,268 --> 00:29:22,429
You will either completely
scuttle the deal

787
00:29:22,429 --> 00:29:25,160
or you will go into it nervous.

788
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:26,743
Human bonds matter.

789
00:29:28,609 --> 00:29:30,615
Another way you can get oxytocin

790
00:29:30,615 --> 00:29:33,768
is through acts of human generosity.

791
00:29:33,768 --> 00:29:35,688
An act of human generosity is defined

792
00:29:35,688 --> 00:29:38,001
as giving of your time and energy

793
00:29:38,001 --> 00:29:40,373
and expecting nothing in return.

794
00:29:40,373 --> 00:29:42,460
Money doesn't work, sorry.

795
00:29:42,460 --> 00:29:45,605
If I told you that this morning
I gave $1,000 to charity,

796
00:29:45,605 --> 00:29:47,370
what would you think of me?

797
00:29:47,370 --> 00:29:50,286
You'd be like (applauding) good for you.

798
00:29:50,286 --> 00:29:51,235
(audience laughing)

799
00:29:51,235 --> 00:29:53,530
What do you want, a medal?

800
00:29:53,530 --> 00:29:54,794
But if I told you that last Saturday

801
00:29:54,794 --> 00:29:56,754
I gave up my day and I
went and painted schools

802
00:29:56,754 --> 00:29:58,680
in the inner city, then
what would you think?

803
00:29:58,680 --> 00:30:01,005
You'd be like, "Nice, cool.

804
00:30:01,005 --> 00:30:02,432
"I should do more."

805
00:30:02,432 --> 00:30:04,495
Right?
(audience laughing)

806
00:30:04,495 --> 00:30:07,640
The value of my labor,
much less than $1,000.

807
00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:09,976
You could have hired many
more people for $1,000

808
00:30:09,976 --> 00:30:11,975
to go paint schools in the inner city.

809
00:30:11,975 --> 00:30:13,782
But you see, as human beings

810
00:30:13,782 --> 00:30:15,863
we put a premium on time

811
00:30:15,863 --> 00:30:18,140
because it is an equal commodity

812
00:30:18,140 --> 00:30:19,821
and it is a non-redeemable commodity.

813
00:30:19,821 --> 00:30:20,819
You spend money, you make money.

814
00:30:20,819 --> 00:30:22,920
You spend time, you'll never get it back.

815
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:24,261
Some of you are sitting
in this room right now

816
00:30:24,261 --> 00:30:26,290
saying, "I will never get this time back."

817
00:30:26,290 --> 00:30:28,174
(audience laughing)

818
00:30:28,174 --> 00:30:29,924
I got nothin' for ya.

819
00:30:31,468 --> 00:30:32,425
We put a premium

820
00:30:32,425 --> 00:30:34,745
on people who give us
their time and energy.

821
00:30:34,745 --> 00:30:37,444
A leader who says to you, "I'll
pay for something for you,"

822
00:30:37,444 --> 00:30:38,485
is not a leader.

823
00:30:38,485 --> 00:30:39,994
A leader who comes and
sits down next to you

824
00:30:39,994 --> 00:30:43,800
and says, "How can I
help you?" is a leader.

825
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,652
I was talking to some oil executives

826
00:30:46,652 --> 00:30:47,917
and they were trying to convince me

827
00:30:47,917 --> 00:30:50,396
that they really care about how fulfilled

828
00:30:50,396 --> 00:30:52,132
and how happy their employees are at work,

829
00:30:52,132 --> 00:30:54,119
to which I said, "No, you don't."

830
00:30:54,119 --> 00:30:55,092
And they said, "No, we do."

831
00:30:55,092 --> 00:30:56,788
And I said, "No, you don't."

832
00:30:56,788 --> 00:30:57,733
And they said, "Yeah, we do."

833
00:30:57,733 --> 00:30:59,753
You see how this went.

834
00:30:59,753 --> 00:31:04,034
I said, "I bet you hired
some high priced consultancy

835
00:31:04,034 --> 00:31:05,660
"to come and do a web survey

836
00:31:05,660 --> 00:31:07,825
"about whether people
liked their jobs or not."

837
00:31:07,825 --> 00:31:10,915
And they said, "Well, we
didn't hire a consultancy."

838
00:31:10,915 --> 00:31:14,867
I said, "Okay, so it's kinda
like sending your son an email.

839
00:31:14,867 --> 00:31:17,240
"Dear son, your mother and I care

840
00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:19,884
"that you feel like a
valuable part of this family.

841
00:31:19,884 --> 00:31:22,615
"Please tell us candidly
what we can go better

842
00:31:22,615 --> 00:31:24,233
"so that you feel like you belong here

843
00:31:24,233 --> 00:31:26,022
"because we really love you.

844
00:31:26,022 --> 00:31:27,022
"Love, Dad."

845
00:31:28,195 --> 00:31:30,741
Or you go into his
room, you sit on his bed

846
00:31:30,741 --> 00:31:32,542
and you say, "Hey, son,
your mom and I really care

847
00:31:32,542 --> 00:31:34,822
"that you feel like a valuable
member of this family.

848
00:31:34,822 --> 00:31:36,758
"Please tell us candidly
what we can do better

849
00:31:36,758 --> 00:31:38,126
"because we want you
to feel like you belong

850
00:31:38,126 --> 00:31:39,963
"and we really love you."

851
00:31:39,963 --> 00:31:43,925
Same words, same intention, same desire.

852
00:31:43,925 --> 00:31:45,442
The difference is one,
you gave time and energy,

853
00:31:45,442 --> 00:31:46,880
and the other one you didn't.

854
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:48,178
This is the problem with email.

855
00:31:48,178 --> 00:31:49,664
It's too easy.

856
00:31:49,664 --> 00:31:50,558
It's too easy.

857
00:31:50,558 --> 00:31:51,796
There's no time and energy expended.

858
00:31:51,796 --> 00:31:52,629
It's too easy.

859
00:31:52,629 --> 00:31:53,561
You don't feel anything.

860
00:31:53,561 --> 00:31:54,898
If I come to your house for dinner

861
00:31:54,898 --> 00:31:56,455
and you make me a lovely dinner,

862
00:31:56,455 --> 00:31:58,389
the next day I send you a
very nice thank you email,

863
00:31:58,389 --> 00:31:59,991
what a wonderful host you are,

864
00:31:59,991 --> 00:32:03,406
or three days later you receive
a handwritten note from me

865
00:32:03,406 --> 00:32:05,941
with the exact same words that
were written in the email,

866
00:32:05,941 --> 00:32:07,832
which one makes you feel better?

867
00:32:07,832 --> 00:32:09,174
Handwritten note.

868
00:32:09,174 --> 00:32:10,929
The sentiment was the same,
the words were the same.

869
00:32:10,929 --> 00:32:12,708
The difference is one
took a little more time

870
00:32:12,708 --> 00:32:14,797
and a little more energy.

871
00:32:14,797 --> 00:32:16,734
Leaders are the ones
who give us their time

872
00:32:16,734 --> 00:32:18,238
and give us their energy,

873
00:32:18,238 --> 00:32:19,626
not the ones who give us their money.

874
00:32:19,626 --> 00:32:20,459
It doesn't count.

875
00:32:20,459 --> 00:32:21,292
It doesn't work.

876
00:32:21,292 --> 00:32:23,123
It just biologically doesn't work.

877
00:32:23,123 --> 00:32:24,851
This is how you get oxytocin,

878
00:32:24,851 --> 00:32:26,677
doing nice things for people

879
00:32:26,677 --> 00:32:30,692
that require that you
sacrifice a little bit of time,

880
00:32:30,692 --> 00:32:31,851
a little bit of energy.

881
00:32:31,851 --> 00:32:33,440
Something you will never get back.

882
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:34,696
If you expect something in return

883
00:32:34,696 --> 00:32:36,201
then you weren't really
giving in the first place.

884
00:32:36,201 --> 00:32:37,208
You take someone out for dinner

885
00:32:37,208 --> 00:32:38,526
because you want them to hire you,

886
00:32:38,526 --> 00:32:40,109
you're not really taking
them out for dinner.

887
00:32:40,109 --> 00:32:41,258
You want something in return.

888
00:32:41,258 --> 00:32:43,490
It's just a protracted transaction.

889
00:32:43,490 --> 00:32:44,932
It's not relationship building.

890
00:32:44,932 --> 00:32:46,592
It's nonsense.

891
00:32:46,592 --> 00:32:49,059
I was walking down the
streets of New York,

892
00:32:49,059 --> 00:32:50,947
true story, and the guy in front of me,

893
00:32:50,947 --> 00:32:52,165
his backpack opened and a bunch of paper

894
00:32:52,165 --> 00:32:54,183
spilled out on the street.

895
00:32:54,183 --> 00:32:55,241
Didn't think much of it.

896
00:32:55,241 --> 00:32:57,283
I bent down, gathered the papers up,

897
00:32:57,283 --> 00:32:58,116
handed them back to him,

898
00:32:58,116 --> 00:32:59,820
and pointed out that his band had opened.

899
00:32:59,820 --> 00:33:02,203
I did a small act of
generosity for somebody,

900
00:33:02,203 --> 00:33:05,280
I got a small burst of
oxytocin, I felt good.

901
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:07,463
Also the person on the receiving end

902
00:33:07,463 --> 00:33:10,514
of the act of generosity feels good.

903
00:33:10,514 --> 00:33:12,609
They get a shot of oxytocin.

904
00:33:12,609 --> 00:33:13,442
He felt good.

905
00:33:13,442 --> 00:33:14,856
He says thanks.

906
00:33:14,856 --> 00:33:16,379
I get to the end of the block

907
00:33:16,379 --> 00:33:18,716
and I'm standing waiting
to cross the street

908
00:33:18,716 --> 00:33:20,334
and a guy who also happens to be standing

909
00:33:20,334 --> 00:33:22,538
waiting to cross the street
turns around, true story,

910
00:33:22,538 --> 00:33:25,750
turns around and says to me,
"I saw what you did back there.

911
00:33:25,750 --> 00:33:27,852
"That was really cool."

912
00:33:27,852 --> 00:33:29,909
(audience laughing)

913
00:33:29,909 --> 00:33:34,076
As it turns out witnessing
acts of human generosity

914
00:33:35,098 --> 00:33:36,426
release oxytocin.

915
00:33:36,426 --> 00:33:40,161
Remember our bodies are trying
to get us to repeat behaviors

916
00:33:40,161 --> 00:33:41,721
that are in our best interest

917
00:33:41,721 --> 00:33:43,633
and it's making us feel good

918
00:33:43,633 --> 00:33:46,714
when we see or do acts of human generosity

919
00:33:46,714 --> 00:33:49,179
so that we will do them.

920
00:33:49,179 --> 00:33:51,737
In fact, the more oxytocin
you have in your body,

921
00:33:51,737 --> 00:33:54,451
the more generous you actually become.

922
00:33:54,451 --> 00:33:57,568
The more you do, the more you want to do.

923
00:33:57,568 --> 00:33:58,828
It gets better than that.

924
00:33:58,828 --> 00:34:03,386
Lots of oxytocin in your
body inhibits addiction.

925
00:34:03,386 --> 00:34:05,817
It makes it very difficult
to get addicted to something

926
00:34:05,817 --> 00:34:07,202
when you have lots of
oxytocin in your body.

927
00:34:07,202 --> 00:34:08,512
It actually inhibits addiction.

928
00:34:08,512 --> 00:34:10,855
It boosts your immune system.

929
00:34:10,855 --> 00:34:12,476
It makes you healthier.

930
00:34:12,476 --> 00:34:15,181
That's why happy people live longer.

931
00:34:15,181 --> 00:34:17,599
It's why couples live longer.

932
00:34:18,634 --> 00:34:19,621
Oxytocin.

933
00:34:19,621 --> 00:34:21,181
It actually is good for us.

934
00:34:21,181 --> 00:34:23,532
It increases our ability
to solve problems.

935
00:34:23,532 --> 00:34:25,913
It increases our creativity.

936
00:34:25,913 --> 00:34:28,774
It's really good for us
and it's not addictive.

937
00:34:28,774 --> 00:34:30,313
It just feels great.

938
00:34:30,313 --> 00:34:32,500
It takes time to build up, though.

939
00:34:32,500 --> 00:34:34,661
I went on a date with
a girl the other day,

940
00:34:34,661 --> 00:34:36,958
it was a first date, we
totally got along great,

941
00:34:36,958 --> 00:34:38,380
we're gonna get married.

942
00:34:38,380 --> 00:34:40,380
(audience laughing)
Why are you laughing?

943
00:34:40,380 --> 00:34:41,688
that's my social life.

944
00:34:41,688 --> 00:34:43,335
(audience laughing)

945
00:34:43,335 --> 00:34:46,514
The reason you laugh is
because you inherently know

946
00:34:46,514 --> 00:34:49,770
that I cannot form a bond
of trust strong enough

947
00:34:49,770 --> 00:34:51,380
to get married in seven days.

948
00:34:51,380 --> 00:34:52,463
You know that.

949
00:34:52,463 --> 00:34:54,103
Why don't you go on a couple more dates?

950
00:34:54,103 --> 00:34:55,929
Inherently you know that.

951
00:34:55,929 --> 00:34:58,124
If I told you that I'd been
dating somebody for seven years

952
00:34:58,124 --> 00:35:00,404
and we're not married
yet, what do you say?

953
00:35:00,404 --> 00:35:01,524
What's wrong?

954
00:35:01,524 --> 00:35:03,022
(audience laughing)

955
00:35:03,022 --> 00:35:05,271
In other words we know
that that bond of trust

956
00:35:05,271 --> 00:35:07,225
takes more than seven days
and less than seven years.

957
00:35:07,225 --> 00:35:09,806
Don't know how long it takes, though.

958
00:35:09,806 --> 00:35:11,031
When you start a new job

959
00:35:11,031 --> 00:35:12,130
and you're really excited to work there

960
00:35:12,130 --> 00:35:13,679
and they're really excited to have you,

961
00:35:13,679 --> 00:35:15,238
don't quite feel like you belong

962
00:35:15,238 --> 00:35:17,257
and you don't quite feel like
you're trusted yet, right?

963
00:35:17,257 --> 00:35:19,074
Even though you were really excited.

964
00:35:19,074 --> 00:35:21,640
It takes time and you have to
do little acts of generosity

965
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:23,990
and make little sacrifices,
do little things for people.

966
00:35:23,990 --> 00:35:25,258
Not big risks, small risks.

967
00:35:25,258 --> 00:35:26,882
It's like dating.

968
00:35:26,882 --> 00:35:30,040
You don't start by buying them a diamond.

969
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:32,591
You start by taking them for lunch,

970
00:35:32,591 --> 00:35:35,754
buying them a drink, little bits.

971
00:35:35,754 --> 00:35:37,786
Then they take you out or
you take them out again,

972
00:35:37,786 --> 00:35:38,828
you do something a little bigger,

973
00:35:38,828 --> 00:35:39,714
then you do that and a movie,

974
00:35:39,714 --> 00:35:41,756
then they come over, and
then you buy them flowers,

975
00:35:41,756 --> 00:35:42,961
and then you say, "I love you."

976
00:35:42,961 --> 00:35:44,352
And one day you wake up in the morning,

977
00:35:44,352 --> 00:35:45,882
it's like you pressed this belief button.

978
00:35:45,882 --> 00:35:47,931
You're just, "I'm in love.

979
00:35:47,931 --> 00:35:49,586
"I don't know when it happened."

980
00:35:49,586 --> 00:35:51,476
It just clicks and you
feel like you belong.

981
00:35:51,476 --> 00:35:52,768
Same thing at work.

982
00:35:52,768 --> 00:35:54,127
Same thing at work.

983
00:35:54,127 --> 00:35:55,071
It just clicks (fingers snapping)

984
00:35:55,071 --> 00:35:56,183
and you feel like you belong

985
00:35:56,183 --> 00:35:58,433
'cause you got enough oxytocin
built up in your system.

986
00:35:58,433 --> 00:35:59,980
We don't allow this to happen.

987
00:35:59,980 --> 00:36:01,697
We're too busy sending emails.

988
00:36:01,697 --> 00:36:02,905
We're too busy sending emails.

989
00:36:02,905 --> 00:36:04,538
The next time you wanna
tell somebody something,

990
00:36:04,538 --> 00:36:07,586
email is fantastic for the
exchange of information, right?

991
00:36:07,586 --> 00:36:08,553
It's fantastic.

992
00:36:08,553 --> 00:36:09,908
Here's the report you wanted,

993
00:36:09,908 --> 00:36:11,531
the meeting's at four o'clock.

994
00:36:11,531 --> 00:36:12,646
Fantastic.

995
00:36:12,646 --> 00:36:14,922
What did you think of my idea?

996
00:36:14,922 --> 00:36:17,491
Do not reply on an email.

997
00:36:17,491 --> 00:36:19,102
That's an emotional question.

998
00:36:19,102 --> 00:36:20,589
Email is a rational tool.

999
00:36:20,589 --> 00:36:24,019
You get up from your desk,
you walk the 30 feet,

1000
00:36:24,019 --> 00:36:27,830
and you say, "Wanted to
tell you what I thought

1001
00:36:27,830 --> 00:36:28,941
"of your idea."

1002
00:36:28,941 --> 00:36:30,007
And I promise you,

1003
00:36:30,007 --> 00:36:31,516
not only will that information
be better received,

1004
00:36:31,516 --> 00:36:33,441
but you will start to create relationships

1005
00:36:33,441 --> 00:36:36,338
because oxytocin starts to get released.

1006
00:36:36,338 --> 00:36:37,852
If you can't get up and walk 30 feet,

1007
00:36:37,852 --> 00:36:39,257
pick up the telephone.

1008
00:36:39,257 --> 00:36:40,099
I've done it.

1009
00:36:40,099 --> 00:36:41,040
It's an amazing thing.

1010
00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:42,889
You pick up the phone, you go, "Hey."

1011
00:36:42,889 --> 00:36:44,099
They're like, "Hey, what's the matter?"

1012
00:36:44,099 --> 00:36:47,368
You're like, "No, I'm just
replying to your email.

1013
00:36:47,368 --> 00:36:50,243
(audience laughing)

1014
00:36:50,243 --> 00:36:53,851
"Wanted to tell you what I thought."

1015
00:36:53,851 --> 00:36:54,684
"What?"

1016
00:36:56,864 --> 00:36:58,993
People who tell me, "But
I need a paper trail."

1017
00:36:58,993 --> 00:37:00,400
Have the conversation, hang up and say,

1018
00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:01,992
"Just to confirm what we talked about."

1019
00:37:01,992 --> 00:37:03,562
Boom, there's your paper trail.

1020
00:37:03,562 --> 00:37:04,864
The reason we get so many emails

1021
00:37:04,864 --> 00:37:06,600
is because we reply to them all

1022
00:37:06,600 --> 00:37:08,265
and 12 emails are sent

1023
00:37:08,265 --> 00:37:09,614
and then somebody misunderstands something

1024
00:37:09,614 --> 00:37:10,728
and somebody gets angry

1025
00:37:10,728 --> 00:37:12,588
and then you have to pick up
the phone and do it anyway.

1026
00:37:12,588 --> 00:37:14,412
Do it at the beginning.

1027
00:37:14,412 --> 00:37:16,412
Quicker, easier, better.

1028
00:37:17,305 --> 00:37:18,138
Biology.

1029
00:37:20,225 --> 00:37:22,543
Give your time and give your energy.

1030
00:37:22,543 --> 00:37:24,330
This is why leadership is really difficult

1031
00:37:24,330 --> 00:37:25,469
because you can't give it to everyone

1032
00:37:25,469 --> 00:37:27,434
because you don't have
enough to give to everyone.

1033
00:37:27,434 --> 00:37:28,721
You just can't.

1034
00:37:28,721 --> 00:37:30,397
You have to make sure
that you can trust others

1035
00:37:30,397 --> 00:37:32,737
to trust others to trust
others to trust others.

1036
00:37:32,737 --> 00:37:34,806
This is what happens in
the circle of belonging,

1037
00:37:34,806 --> 00:37:36,050
in the circle of safety.

1038
00:37:36,050 --> 00:37:38,849
This is what effective bureaucracy is.

1039
00:37:38,849 --> 00:37:43,418
Which is as the CEO, as the
leader, or whatever your job is,

1040
00:37:43,418 --> 00:37:45,992
you have one responsibility
and one responsibility only

1041
00:37:45,992 --> 00:37:48,127
which is to make sure the people you know

1042
00:37:48,127 --> 00:37:49,584
that you have physical contact with,

1043
00:37:49,584 --> 00:37:52,387
you know their names, are
confident and feel looked after

1044
00:37:52,387 --> 00:37:54,068
and encourage them to do the same

1045
00:37:54,068 --> 00:37:55,914
for the ones who work beneath them

1046
00:37:55,914 --> 00:37:57,757
who work beneath them
who work beneath them.

1047
00:37:57,757 --> 00:38:00,647
When this group of
people really feels safe,

1048
00:38:00,647 --> 00:38:05,231
then they will invite in the
customer to also feel safe.

1049
00:38:05,231 --> 00:38:08,458
They will talk to these
people as if they are human.

1050
00:38:08,458 --> 00:38:10,303
I actually flew on an airline recently

1051
00:38:10,303 --> 00:38:12,744
and I was appalled at how I was treated.

1052
00:38:12,744 --> 00:38:13,577
It was disgusting.

1053
00:38:13,577 --> 00:38:15,273
It was like cattle.

1054
00:38:15,273 --> 00:38:17,228
I said something.

1055
00:38:17,228 --> 00:38:19,402
I said, "Why do you treat
people like cattle?"

1056
00:38:19,402 --> 00:38:21,945
And she literally said
to me, "I'm sorry, sir,

1057
00:38:21,945 --> 00:38:24,650
I have to do it or I'll lose my job."

1058
00:38:24,650 --> 00:38:26,720
What did she tell me?

1059
00:38:26,720 --> 00:38:27,986
My organization that I work for

1060
00:38:27,986 --> 00:38:28,913
doesn't make me feel safe.

1061
00:38:28,913 --> 00:38:30,617
I don't feel like I belong,

1062
00:38:30,617 --> 00:38:33,929
so I'm gonna treat you like
dirt to protect myself.

1063
00:38:33,929 --> 00:38:35,120
As opposed to somebody who feels safe

1064
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:36,629
that says, "Sir, I will
do everything in my power

1065
00:38:36,629 --> 00:38:38,659
"to make sure that you feel happy and good

1066
00:38:38,659 --> 00:38:40,987
"because I'm not worried."

1067
00:38:40,987 --> 00:38:44,378
That's called a highly
effective organization.

1068
00:38:44,378 --> 00:38:48,839
There's one more chemical
I haven't told you about.

1069
00:38:48,839 --> 00:38:49,672
The big c.

1070
00:38:52,240 --> 00:38:53,073
Cortisol.

1071
00:38:55,594 --> 00:38:57,076
Cortisol is the feeling of stress

1072
00:38:57,076 --> 00:38:59,326
and the feeling of anxiety.

1073
00:39:00,193 --> 00:39:04,117
We share these chemicals
with all the social mammals.

1074
00:39:04,117 --> 00:39:05,427
When you see a herd of gazelle,

1075
00:39:05,427 --> 00:39:06,913
you've all seen the documentary

1076
00:39:06,913 --> 00:39:08,501
on Discovery or whatever, right?

1077
00:39:08,501 --> 00:39:11,334
And see a herd of gazelle grazing.

1078
00:39:12,255 --> 00:39:15,327
And one of them thinks they
hear a rustle in the grass

1079
00:39:15,327 --> 00:39:17,188
and they go (gasping)

1080
00:39:17,188 --> 00:39:19,037
(audience laughing)
Up head, right?

1081
00:39:19,037 --> 00:39:20,147
That's what cortisol does.

1082
00:39:20,147 --> 00:39:22,323
Cortisol is designed to keep us alive.

1083
00:39:22,323 --> 00:39:24,813
It is the first stage or fight or flight.

1084
00:39:24,813 --> 00:39:26,010
It makes us paranoid,

1085
00:39:26,010 --> 00:39:29,237
it makes all of our senses hyper
attuned to look for danger.

1086
00:39:29,237 --> 00:39:32,504
It injects glucose into our muscles

1087
00:39:32,504 --> 00:39:34,385
to make us stiff and ready to go

1088
00:39:34,385 --> 00:39:36,163
in case we need to fight or flight.

1089
00:39:36,163 --> 00:39:39,066
It increases our heart rate like crazy.

1090
00:39:39,066 --> 00:39:40,448
And it makes us start looking.

1091
00:39:40,448 --> 00:39:42,745
It makes us paranoid to find the danger.

1092
00:39:42,745 --> 00:39:43,953
The cool thing about cortisol

1093
00:39:43,953 --> 00:39:45,534
when you work in a social environment

1094
00:39:45,534 --> 00:39:47,707
is if other people sense
that you're nervous,

1095
00:39:47,707 --> 00:39:48,540
they get nervous.

1096
00:39:48,540 --> 00:39:51,461
All the other gazelle go (gasping)

1097
00:39:51,461 --> 00:39:52,680
They didn't hear anything.

1098
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:55,571
They just saw Steve over
there get really freaked out.

1099
00:39:55,571 --> 00:39:56,404
(audience laughing)

1100
00:39:56,404 --> 00:39:57,966
And so they got all freaked out.

1101
00:39:57,966 --> 00:40:00,022
Now they all start looking for the danger.

1102
00:40:00,022 --> 00:40:01,022
Good system.

1103
00:40:02,145 --> 00:40:03,430
One of them who didn't even hear

1104
00:40:03,430 --> 00:40:06,479
the initial rustle in the
grass sees the lion, runs,

1105
00:40:06,479 --> 00:40:08,580
they all run, they all live another day.

1106
00:40:08,580 --> 00:40:09,725
Good system.

1107
00:40:09,725 --> 00:40:11,718
So that when we go to
work and somebody says,

1108
00:40:11,718 --> 00:40:13,073
"I think there's gonna be layoffs."

1109
00:40:13,073 --> 00:40:14,455
All of us are like, "What do you mean?

1110
00:40:14,455 --> 00:40:15,288
"Wait.

1111
00:40:15,288 --> 00:40:16,121
There's gonna be?"

1112
00:40:16,121 --> 00:40:17,720
We're all paranoid now.

1113
00:40:17,720 --> 00:40:20,440
"I shouldn't have talked
talked in that meeting.

1114
00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:21,273
Ugh!"

1115
00:40:21,273 --> 00:40:22,933
We start to get crazy,
we start to get paranoid.

1116
00:40:22,933 --> 00:40:24,956
Our hearts start to race.

1117
00:40:24,956 --> 00:40:28,253
It's what cortisol does,
it's trying to keep us alive.

1118
00:40:28,253 --> 00:40:29,241
You wake up in the middle of the night,

1119
00:40:29,241 --> 00:40:30,767
you hear a bump in the
middle of the night.

1120
00:40:30,767 --> 00:40:31,600
(gasping)

1121
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:32,751
What's the first thing you do?

1122
00:40:32,751 --> 00:40:34,470
You wake the person next to you!

1123
00:40:34,470 --> 00:40:35,475
(audience laughing)

1124
00:40:35,475 --> 00:40:36,317
And then what do they do?

1125
00:40:36,317 --> 00:40:38,410
They go (gasping)

1126
00:40:38,410 --> 00:40:40,560
If there's nothing there
you go and trust your eyes,

1127
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,316
you go looking for it,
we're visual animals.

1128
00:40:43,316 --> 00:40:47,392
If there's nothing there you go like this,

1129
00:40:47,392 --> 00:40:48,723
(exhaling)

1130
00:40:48,723 --> 00:40:51,267
the cortisol leaves our body and we relax

1131
00:40:51,267 --> 00:40:53,838
and our heartbeat goes back down.

1132
00:40:53,838 --> 00:40:55,565
Cortisol, to get all of that extra energy,

1133
00:40:55,565 --> 00:40:58,496
to make us paranoid, to
make us self-interested,

1134
00:40:58,496 --> 00:41:01,289
it needs to shut down
non-essential systems

1135
00:41:01,289 --> 00:41:03,449
'cause it has to get it
from somewhere, right?

1136
00:41:03,449 --> 00:41:05,208
So it shuts off things like growth.

1137
00:41:05,208 --> 00:41:08,450
You don't need your fingernails
to grow at that moment.

1138
00:41:08,450 --> 00:41:09,804
Shuts it off.

1139
00:41:09,804 --> 00:41:13,529
The other thing it shuts
off is our immune system.

1140
00:41:13,529 --> 00:41:14,892
Don't need it in that moment.

1141
00:41:14,892 --> 00:41:16,504
The problem is you're not
supposed to have cortisol

1142
00:41:16,504 --> 00:41:17,676
in your system all the time.

1143
00:41:17,676 --> 00:41:19,257
You're supposed to have
it in and then gone.

1144
00:41:19,257 --> 00:41:20,859
When we go to work in a place

1145
00:41:20,859 --> 00:41:22,717
that doesn't make us feel like we belong,

1146
00:41:22,717 --> 00:41:25,171
that doesn't make us feel
safe when we're at work,

1147
00:41:25,171 --> 00:41:26,004
guess what?

1148
00:41:26,004 --> 00:41:27,892
We got little bits of
cortisol dripping in our body.

1149
00:41:27,892 --> 00:41:30,583
Drip, drip, drip, drip.

1150
00:41:30,583 --> 00:41:32,021
Makes us paranoid.

1151
00:41:32,021 --> 00:41:32,854
Drip.

1152
00:41:32,854 --> 00:41:33,694
I know my boss hates me.

1153
00:41:33,694 --> 00:41:34,527
I know he hates me.

1154
00:41:34,527 --> 00:41:36,054
He hates all my ideas, I know it.

1155
00:41:36,054 --> 00:41:37,300
Drip, drip.

1156
00:41:37,300 --> 00:41:38,523
It makes us self-interested.

1157
00:41:38,523 --> 00:41:40,214
One of the things cortisol does

1158
00:41:40,214 --> 00:41:42,904
it inhibits the release of oxytocin.

1159
00:41:42,904 --> 00:41:45,153
Biologically if you work in
a high stress environment

1160
00:41:45,153 --> 00:41:46,193
where you don't feel safe,

1161
00:41:46,193 --> 00:41:49,789
you are biologically less
empathetic and less generous.

1162
00:41:49,789 --> 00:41:50,808
We don't care about each other

1163
00:41:50,808 --> 00:41:52,687
because we're too busy
trying to protect ourselves.

1164
00:41:52,687 --> 00:41:54,104
Drip, drip, drip.

1165
00:41:55,443 --> 00:41:58,404
Our immune systems are now compromised.

1166
00:41:58,404 --> 00:42:00,587
Drip, drip, drip.

1167
00:42:00,587 --> 00:42:01,561
We live in a country

1168
00:42:01,561 --> 00:42:04,607
with some of the best medical
education in the world,

1169
00:42:04,607 --> 00:42:06,191
some of the best medical
systems in the world,

1170
00:42:06,191 --> 00:42:07,397
some of the best doctors in the world,

1171
00:42:07,397 --> 00:42:08,519
some of the best hospitals in the world,

1172
00:42:08,519 --> 00:42:09,833
some of the best medicines in the world.

1173
00:42:09,833 --> 00:42:12,189
Please explain to me why
diabetes is on the rise,

1174
00:42:12,189 --> 00:42:13,576
heart disease is on the rise,

1175
00:42:13,576 --> 00:42:15,469
some cancers are on the rise.

1176
00:42:15,469 --> 00:42:18,336
It ain't partially hydrogenated oils.

1177
00:42:18,336 --> 00:42:20,253
Our jobs are killing us

1178
00:42:22,547 --> 00:42:26,714
and the people who are
responsible are the leaders.

1179
00:42:28,544 --> 00:42:33,349
We also know that parents
who come home stressed out,

1180
00:42:33,349 --> 00:42:36,932
their kids learn that
this is what work is,

1181
00:42:37,877 --> 00:42:38,863
that work is something

1182
00:42:38,863 --> 00:42:41,527
that makes you short-tempered and unhappy.

1183
00:42:41,527 --> 00:42:43,537
So they expect it as they grow older.

1184
00:42:43,537 --> 00:42:47,557
Worse, we know that parents
who come home upset and angry,

1185
00:42:47,557 --> 00:42:49,414
it has such a negative
impact on their children

1186
00:42:49,414 --> 00:42:50,474
that there's some studies

1187
00:42:50,474 --> 00:42:52,998
that show that they might
actually become bullies

1188
00:42:52,998 --> 00:42:54,863
because of their unhappy parents

1189
00:42:54,863 --> 00:42:59,030
who hate their jobs and have
excessive amounts of stress.

1190
00:42:59,884 --> 00:43:03,134
Our companies are literally killing us.

1191
00:43:05,405 --> 00:43:07,729
So what are you gonna do about it?

1192
00:43:07,729 --> 00:43:10,066
What are you gonna do about it?

1193
00:43:10,066 --> 00:43:11,909
Leadership is not a rank.

1194
00:43:11,909 --> 00:43:13,679
Leadership is not a position.

1195
00:43:13,679 --> 00:43:15,261
Leadership is a decision.

1196
00:43:15,261 --> 00:43:17,054
Leadership is a choice.

1197
00:43:17,054 --> 00:43:19,904
It has nothing to do with your
position in the organization.

1198
00:43:19,904 --> 00:43:23,173
If you decide to look after
the person to the left of you

1199
00:43:23,173 --> 00:43:25,542
and look after the person
to the right of you,

1200
00:43:25,542 --> 00:43:28,419
you have become a leader.

1201
00:43:28,419 --> 00:43:30,043
You've seen the movie 300, right?

1202
00:43:30,043 --> 00:43:31,053
The Spartans.

1203
00:43:31,053 --> 00:43:33,123
The greatest fighting force of all time.

1204
00:43:33,123 --> 00:43:36,358
You wanna know one the things
that made the Spartans great?

1205
00:43:36,358 --> 00:43:39,743
It wasn't their muscles,
wasn't their spears.

1206
00:43:39,743 --> 00:43:42,081
It was their shields.

1207
00:43:42,081 --> 00:43:44,901
They stood shield to shield
and the phalanx was strong

1208
00:43:44,901 --> 00:43:47,011
because those shields were big.

1209
00:43:47,011 --> 00:43:49,283
They were told when they
were young children,

1210
00:43:49,283 --> 00:43:50,636
"You either bring your shield home

1211
00:43:50,636 --> 00:43:52,912
"or you come home on your shield."

1212
00:43:52,912 --> 00:43:55,593
The punishment for losing your shield

1213
00:43:55,593 --> 00:43:57,377
was tremendous in battle.

1214
00:43:57,377 --> 00:43:59,291
Because if you lost your shield

1215
00:43:59,291 --> 00:44:01,381
that means you cannot protect
the person to the left of you

1216
00:44:01,381 --> 00:44:02,523
and the person to the right of you

1217
00:44:02,523 --> 00:44:05,008
and you have destroyed the phalanx.

1218
00:44:05,008 --> 00:44:09,307
It's the shield that
matters, not the spear.

1219
00:44:09,307 --> 00:44:10,793
Not the spear.

1220
00:44:10,793 --> 00:44:12,869
It's your willingness
to sacrifice yourself,

1221
00:44:12,869 --> 00:44:16,171
not your life, maybe your
credit, maybe your little time,

1222
00:44:16,171 --> 00:44:19,790
maybe a little energy, maybe
getting up from your desk

1223
00:44:19,790 --> 00:44:21,377
and talking to somebody for 30 minutes

1224
00:44:21,377 --> 00:44:22,843
instead of sending a three minute email.

1225
00:44:22,843 --> 00:44:25,031
It's your willingness to
sacrifice for someone,

1226
00:44:25,031 --> 00:44:28,014
to hold that shield up
so that they feel safe

1227
00:44:28,014 --> 00:44:30,014
that makes you a leader.

1228
00:44:31,186 --> 00:44:33,071
You wanna know how you
beat a dopamine addiction,

1229
00:44:33,071 --> 00:44:34,953
if you're worried that you're
addicted to performance

1230
00:44:34,953 --> 00:44:37,370
and all this dopamine things?

1231
00:44:38,861 --> 00:44:42,114
Alcoholics Anonymous has been
highly effective for decades,

1232
00:44:42,114 --> 00:44:44,102
80 something years.

1233
00:44:44,102 --> 00:44:46,481
We all know the first
step of the 12 steps.

1234
00:44:46,481 --> 00:44:47,515
We joke about it, right?

1235
00:44:47,515 --> 00:44:49,985
Admit you have a problem.

1236
00:44:49,985 --> 00:44:51,876
Do you know the 12th step?

1237
00:44:51,876 --> 00:44:54,162
Don't say it, it's
supposed to be anonymous.

1238
00:44:54,162 --> 00:44:56,823
(audience laughing)

1239
00:44:56,823 --> 00:44:58,550
I'll tell you what the 12th step is.

1240
00:44:58,550 --> 00:45:01,706
Alcoholics Anonymous knows
that if you master all 11 steps

1241
00:45:01,706 --> 00:45:04,681
but not the 12th, you will drink again.

1242
00:45:04,681 --> 00:45:08,848
If you master the 12th step
you will beat the disease.

1243
00:45:08,848 --> 00:45:10,491
What's the 12th step?

1244
00:45:10,491 --> 00:45:13,730
The 12th step is the commitment
to help another alcoholic.

1245
00:45:13,730 --> 00:45:16,063
Service, service to another.

1246
00:45:17,221 --> 00:45:18,900
Oxytocin wins.

1247
00:45:18,900 --> 00:45:20,095
Serotonin wins.

1248
00:45:20,095 --> 00:45:21,856
The more we look after each other,

1249
00:45:21,856 --> 00:45:24,364
the safer we feel, the more
we feel like we belong,

1250
00:45:24,364 --> 00:45:26,853
and the more we will work together

1251
00:45:26,853 --> 00:45:29,057
to confront the dangers outside.

1252
00:45:29,057 --> 00:45:33,224
Do this for others and others
will become Johnny Bravo.

1253
00:45:34,193 --> 00:45:35,623
Thanks very much.

1254
00:45:35,623 --> 00:45:37,648
(audience applauding)

1255
00:45:37,648 --> 00:45:40,231
(bright music)