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(bright piano music)

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- So the date is August 16th, 2002

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and flying over a valley in Afghanistan

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are two A-10 Warthogs.

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An A-10 is a heavily armored, low-flying,

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slow aircraft designed[br]to provide ground cover

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for troops on the ground.

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On this night it's a[br]very, very cloudy night.

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There are storms in the area.

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And these two planes hanging[br]up above just waiting

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in case anybody down below needs help.

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Up there it's gorgeous.

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The moon is bright.

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There's thousand of stars in the sky.

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The clouds look like the[br]snow had just fallen.

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Down below in the valley, however,

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there were 22 special forces,

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special operations forces troops,

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trying to make their[br]way through the country

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and they could feel that[br]something was wrong.

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They felt uneasy.

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One of the pilots up above[br]call signed Johnny Bravo,

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and yes, he stands like this,

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he could feel their unease

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listening to them over the radio

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so he decides he was gonna[br]go down below the cloud

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and just have a look.

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He tells his wingman, "Hang out up here.

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"I'll go see what there is."

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And he points his plane[br]down into the clouds.

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As he's going through the clouds,

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the call comes over the radio.

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Troops in contact.

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Troops in contact is what they say

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when they come under effective fire.

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It means they're in trouble.

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Now Johnny Bravo points[br]his plane straight down.

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The plane's getting thrashed[br]about in the turbulence.

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When he comes out below the clouds

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he's less than 1,000 feet off the ground

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and he's flying in a valley,

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cliffs on both sides.

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This is only 2002 and the[br]planes were not yet equipped

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with ground hugging radar

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and worse, they were[br]using old Russian maps.

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That's all they had at the time.

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The sight that greets him

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is something like he's never seen before,

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not in training and not in the movies.

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He sees tracer fire,

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fire coming from all sides of the valley

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pointed right in the middle[br]where the American forces are.

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He picks a point and starts[br]to lay down suppressing fire.

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He's flying

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and he's in danger of[br]hitting the cliff, of course.

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He knows his speed, he knows[br]his distance from the map,

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and he literally counts out loud

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while he lays down the suppressing fire,

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"One one thousand, two one thousand,

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"three one thousand, four one[br]thousand, five one thousand."

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Pulls hard on the stick,[br]pulls back up into the cloud,

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comes down around again.

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"One one thousand, two one thousand,

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"three one thousand, four one thousand."

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"Good hits, good hits,"[br]it says over his radio.

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And again he comes around.

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"One one thousand, two one thousand,

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"three one thousand, four one[br]thousand, five one thousand."

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He runs out of ammunition.

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Fuel is fine.

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Flies back up to the top of the cloud,

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tells his wingman, "You[br]need to get down there."

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His wingman isn't sure[br]about the conditions

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so the two of them fly back down together.

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His wingman lays down the suppressing fire

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and Johnny Bravo counts

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as they fly three feet[br]apart from each other,

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wing to wing.

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"One one thousand, two one thousand,

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"three one thousand, four one[br]thousand, five one thousand."

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Up and around again.

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"One one thousand, two one thousand,

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"three one thousand, four one[br]thousand, five one thousand."

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That night 22 Americans went home alive

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with zero causalities.

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My question is

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is where do people like[br]Johnny Bravo come from?

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Who are they?

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Who would risk their lives for others

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so that they may survive?

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I asked Johnny Bravo.

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I asked him, "Why would you do it?

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"Why would you risk your life[br]so that others may survive?"

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He gave me the same answer

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that everybody in his position gives,

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"Because they would have done it for me."

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Now, if you think about it

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in the military they give medal to people

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who are willing to sacrifice themselves

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so that others may gain.

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In business we give bonuses to people

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who are willing to sacrifice[br]others so that we may gain.

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We have it backwards.

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Wouldn't you like to[br]work in an organization

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in which you have the absolute confidence

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and the absolute knowledge

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that other people that[br]you may or may not know

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who work in the same organization as you

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would be willing to sacrifice themselves

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so that you may survive.

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We're not talking about giving your life.

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We don't even like to[br]give up credit, you know?

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Where do people like[br]Johnny Bravo come from?

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Well it's an age old question.

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They're not born, they're actually made.

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If you look at the human animal,

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the human animal is like a machine.

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There are systems inside our bodies

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that are trying to get us to do things

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that are in the interest of the survival

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of the human animal.

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Just like in a business, in a company,

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if you want people to do something

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you offer them some sort of[br]positive or negative incentive

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to direct the behavior, right?

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If you want people to[br]achieve a certain goal,

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you offer them a bonus[br]if they achieve that goal

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and they'll work towards that goal

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because they want the bonus.

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It's a very simple system.

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The human body works exactly the same way.

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It works exactly the same way.

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Inside our bodies are chemicals

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that are trying to get us to do things

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that are in the best interest of us.

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If you've ever had a feeling of happiness,

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pride, joy, love, fulfillment,

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all of these feelings that we have

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are chemically produced feelings.

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They're produced by four[br]chemicals predominantly.

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These are basically responsible

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for all of the feelings

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that I would generically call happiness.

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They are endorphins, dopamine,[br]serotonin, and oxytocin.

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EDSO.

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These two chemicals,[br]endorphins and dopamine,

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I like to call these the selfish chemicals

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because you don't really need[br]anybody's help to get them.

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Let me tell you a little[br]bit about what they are.

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Endorphins.

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Endorphins are designed to do[br]one thing and one thing only,

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mask physical pain.

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That's it.

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That's what they do.

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If you're a runner,

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if you've ever gone[br]and done heavy exercise

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you've heard of an endorphin[br]rush or a runner's high.

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Basically what's happening is[br]when that runner's out there

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pushing their bodies harder[br]than they've ever pushed before

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they feel good.

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When they're done with their[br]run they feel fantastic.

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Then an hour later they're in pain

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for damage they caused to[br]their muscles an hour before.

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This is what endorphins[br]are designed to do.

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They're designed to make physical pain.

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The caveman reason for this stuff,

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'cause this stuff is all[br]from 50,000 years ago,

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understand homo sapien[br]existed at the same time

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as other hominid species

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and yet we survived and they didn't.

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What is it about this species

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that's so good at survival and thriving?

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Look at the world we've built.

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It's not just that we're smart.

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We're certainly not the strongest

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and we're certainly not the smartest.

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It's that we're social animals.

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We have to do things together.

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We have to look after each other.

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And we have to work together

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to ensure that we[br]survive, that we do well.

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This is how we're designed.

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These chemicals are trying[br]to make that happen.

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In these caveman times 50,000 years ago,

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Paleolithic era,

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we had to eat.

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We're not the strongest,[br]we're not the fastest.

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But there's one thing that[br]the human animal is made for:

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endurance.

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We could track an animal for[br]hours and hours and hours

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and miles and miles and miles

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and if we were tired we'd keep going.

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If we got injured

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or we had to bring the[br]food back to the cave,

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we'd continue to do it.

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It was so good, it felt so good,

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that maybe we'd even volunteer[br]to go hunting the next day

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just like we get addicted[br]to exercise, right?

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Oh my God, it was so much fun yesterday.

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I will totally go hunting tomorrow.

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Good system for the survival of the group.

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Good system.

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By the way, the reason laughing feels good

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is because of endorphins.

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You're actually convulsing[br]your internal organs

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and endorphins are[br]masking the physical pain.

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I'm sure everybody here[br]has laughed so much

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that the endorphins eventually run out

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and you go, "Stop, stop, it hurts."

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(audience laughing)

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Endorphins.

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They feel good.

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Dopamine.

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Dopamine is the feeling

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that you found something[br]you're looking for

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or that you accomplish something[br]you set out to accomplish.

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You know that feeling you get

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when you cross something[br]off your to do list?

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That's dopamine.

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Feels awesome.

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You know when you have a goal to hit

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and you achieve that goal[br]and you're like, "Yes!"

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You feel like you've won something, right?

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That's dopamine.

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The whole purpose of dopamine

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is to make sure that we get stuff done.

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The historical reason for dopamine,

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we would never eat if we only[br]waited until we got hungry

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because there was no guarantee[br]that we would find food.

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So dopamine exists to help[br]us go looking for food.

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We get dopamine when we eat,

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which is one of the[br]reasons we like eating,

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and so when you see something

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that reminds you of[br]something that feels good

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we wanna do the behavior

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that helps us get that feeling, right?

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Let's say you're out[br]there going for a walk

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and you see an apple tree in the distance.

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(fingers snapping)[br]You get a small hit

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of dopamine.

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Then what it does is it[br]focuses us on our goals.

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Now we start walking[br]towards the apple tree.

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As the apple tree starts[br]to get a little bigger,

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we feel like we're making progress,

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(fingers snapping)[br]you get another little shot

0:09:01.738,0:09:02.616
of dopamine

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(fingers snapping)[br]and another little

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shot of dopamine until you get to the tree

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and you're like, "Yes!"

0:09:06.283,0:09:09.752
This is why we're told you[br]must write down your goals.

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Your goals must be tangible.

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There's a biological reason for that.

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We're very, very visually[br]oriented animals.

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You have to be able to see the goal

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for it to biologically stay focused.

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If you don't write down your goals,

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if you can't see your goals,

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it's very hard to get[br]motivated, to get inspired.

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For example, think[br]about corporate visions.

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A corporate vision has to[br]be some thing we can see.

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That's why it's called a vision.

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You can see it.

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To be the biggest, most respected,

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to be the fastest growing are not visions.

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They're nothing.

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What does that even look like?

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Respected by whom?

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Your mother, your self,

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your friends, your[br]shareholders, who knows?

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What's the metric?

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Don't know.

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It's amorphous.

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Doesn't motivate us.

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Just like I can't tell you

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you will get a bonus if you achieve more.

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You're gonna ask me, "How much more?"

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I'm gonna say, "More."

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Doesn't work.

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You need a tangible goal.

0:10:07.630,0:10:09.000
You need a tangible goal.

0:10:09.000,0:10:10.975
Here's a great vision.

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Martin Luther King, I have a dream

0:10:13.820,0:10:17.383
that one day little black[br]children and little white children

0:10:17.383,0:10:18.600
will play on the playground together

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then hold hands together.

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We can imagine that.

0:10:21.140,0:10:22.686
We can set our sights on that.

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Every time we achieve a[br]goal and achieve a metric

0:10:25.275,0:10:26.147
and achieve a milestone

0:10:26.147,0:10:28.620
that makes us feel like[br]we're making progress

0:10:28.620,0:10:30.333
to the vision we can see,

0:10:30.333,0:10:31.166
(fingers snapping)

0:10:31.166,0:10:31.999
we keep going and going and going

0:10:31.999,0:10:34.150
until we achieve something remarkable.

0:10:34.150,0:10:35.516
You have to be able to see it.

0:10:35.516,0:10:36.349
Dopamine.

0:10:38.361,0:10:40.754
Like I said, dopamine[br]is the feeling you get

0:10:40.754,0:10:41.918
when you set out to find something

0:10:41.918,0:10:43.326
you're looking for, as well.

0:10:43.326,0:10:44.869
We talked about the to do list.

0:10:44.869,0:10:47.978
I came home from a trip[br]just a couple days ago

0:10:47.978,0:10:49.545
and I had a bunch of errands to run

0:10:49.545,0:10:51.904
and I wrote down a little[br]list of things I had to do

0:10:51.904,0:10:53.902
and off I went.

0:10:53.902,0:10:56.452
As I was walking past, I[br]think it was the dry cleaners,

0:10:56.452,0:10:58.747
I don't remember, I was[br]walking past something,

0:10:58.747,0:11:00.013
I remembered oh, I have to do that

0:11:00.013,0:11:02.665
and I hadn't written it[br]down on my to do list

0:11:02.665,0:11:04.963
so I went in and finished[br]what I needed to do

0:11:04.963,0:11:08.093
and then when I came out I[br]then wrote it on my to do list

0:11:08.093,0:11:09.512
and then crossed it out.

0:11:09.512,0:11:10.950
(audience laughing)

0:11:10.950,0:11:12.136
'Cause I wanted the dopamine.

0:11:12.136,0:11:13.053
Feels good.

0:11:15.472,0:11:18.258
Dopamine comes with a warning.

0:11:18.258,0:11:22.008
Dopamine is highly,[br]highly, highly addictive.

0:11:24.483,0:11:27.242
Here's some other things[br]that release dopamine.

0:11:27.242,0:11:30.992
Alcohol, nicotine,[br]gambling, your cell phone.

0:11:33.243,0:11:34.076
(audience laughing)

0:11:34.076,0:11:35.472
Oh, you think I'm joking.

0:11:35.472,0:11:36.839
Okay, we've all been told

0:11:36.839,0:11:39.672
that if you wake up in the morning

0:11:41.004,0:11:44.694
and you crave a drink,[br]you might be an alcoholic.

0:11:44.694,0:11:45.780
Well if you wake up in the morning

0:11:45.780,0:11:46.866
and the first thing you[br]do is check your phone

0:11:46.866,0:11:49.813
before you even get out of bed,

0:11:49.813,0:11:51.270
you might be an addict.

0:11:51.270,0:11:54.497
If you walk from room to[br]room in your own apartment

0:11:54.497,0:11:55.930
holding your telephone,

0:11:55.930,0:11:58.930
(audience laughing)

0:12:01.411,0:12:03.409
you might be an addict.

0:12:03.409,0:12:05.019
When you're driving in your car

0:12:05.019,0:12:08.113
and you get a text and[br]your phone goes beep,

0:12:08.113,0:12:11.422
we hate email, true, we love[br]the beep, the buzz, the ding.

0:12:11.422,0:12:14.063
(moaning)

0:12:14.063,0:12:14.905
Right?

0:12:14.905,0:12:16.296
You'll be there in 10 minutes

0:12:16.296,0:12:19.454
and yet you have to look at it right now.

0:12:19.454,0:12:20.479
You might be an addict.

0:12:20.479,0:12:21.312
Even if you read it

0:12:21.312,0:12:23.810
and it says are you free[br]for dinner next Thursday

0:12:23.810,0:12:25.427
and you have to reply immediately,

0:12:25.427,0:12:28.700
you can't wait the 10 minutes,[br]you might be an addict.

0:12:28.700,0:12:30.229
For all you gen y's out there

0:12:30.229,0:12:31.846
who like to think that[br]you're better at multitasking

0:12:31.846,0:12:33.502
because you grew up with the technology,

0:12:33.502,0:12:36.777
then why do you keep crashing[br]your cars when you're texting?

0:12:36.777,0:12:38.341
(audience laughing)

0:12:38.341,0:12:39.990
You're not better at multitasking,

0:12:39.990,0:12:41.780
you're better at getting distracted.

0:12:41.780,0:12:44.863
In fact if you look at the statistics

0:12:45.834,0:12:47.782
diagnoses of ADD and ADHD

0:12:47.782,0:12:51.145
have risen 66% in the past 10 years.

0:12:51.145,0:12:55.198
ADD and ADHD is a frontal lobe disorder.

0:12:55.198,0:12:56.947
Are you telling me out of nowhere

0:12:56.947,0:12:59.929
66% of our youth have a frontal problem?

0:12:59.929,0:13:01.168
Where did that come from?

0:13:01.168,0:13:03.795
No, it's a misdiagnosis.

0:13:03.795,0:13:07.367
What are the symptoms of a[br]dopamine addiction to technology?

0:13:07.367,0:13:08.313
Distractibility,

0:13:08.313,0:13:10.694
inability to get things done,

0:13:10.694,0:13:14.836
easily distracted, shortness of attention,

0:13:14.836,0:13:17.633
it's all the same thing[br]so we misdiagnose things.

0:13:17.633,0:13:18.466
It's this.

0:13:18.466,0:13:20.556
It's the addictive quality of dopamine.

0:13:20.556,0:13:23.448
We can also get addicted to[br]performance in our companies

0:13:23.448,0:13:25.325
when all they do is[br]give us numbers to hit,

0:13:25.325,0:13:26.586
numbers to hit, numbers to hit,

0:13:26.586,0:13:28.362
and a bonus you get and a bonus you get

0:13:28.362,0:13:29.378
and a bonus you get.

0:13:29.378,0:13:31.042
All they're doing is[br]feeding us with dopamine

0:13:31.042,0:13:32.182
and we can't help ourselves.

0:13:32.182,0:13:34.032
All we do is want more, more, and more.

0:13:34.032,0:13:37.114
It's no surprise that the[br]banks destroyed the economy

0:13:37.114,0:13:39.533
because one of the things we[br]know about a dopamine addict

0:13:39.533,0:13:41.198
is they will do anything[br]to get another hit,

0:13:41.198,0:13:43.074
sometimes at the sacrifice[br]of their own resources

0:13:43.074,0:13:43.986
and their relationships.

0:13:43.986,0:13:47.013
Ask any alcoholic, gambling[br]addict, or drug addict.

0:13:47.013,0:13:48.957
Ask them how their relationships are doing

0:13:48.957,0:13:51.366
and if they've squandered[br]any of their resources.

0:13:51.366,0:13:52.520
It's an addiction.

0:13:52.520,0:13:56.020
Dopamine is dangerous if it is unbalanced.

0:13:57.081,0:13:58.301
It is hugely helpful

0:13:58.301,0:14:00.415
when in a comfortable and balanced system.

0:14:00.415,0:14:04.582
But when unbalanced it's[br]dangerous and it's destructive.

0:14:06.066,0:14:08.354
You don't need anybody's[br]help to get these.

0:14:08.354,0:14:11.772
Go for a run, achieve your[br]goals, you'll get dopamine,

0:14:11.772,0:14:13.358
you'll get endorphins,

0:14:13.358,0:14:14.790
but you won't have any feeling

0:14:14.790,0:14:16.551
of fulfillment or love or trust.

0:14:16.551,0:14:17.724
That's where these come in.

0:14:17.724,0:14:19.711
These are attempting to manage these.

0:14:19.711,0:14:21.511
This is what makes our society great.

0:14:21.511,0:14:24.720
This is where people like[br]Johnny Bravo come from.

0:14:24.720,0:14:26.610
It's because of these two chemicals

0:14:26.610,0:14:30.006
that leaders really fulfill[br]their great responsibility.

0:14:30.006,0:14:32.506
Outside in the world is danger

0:14:33.805,0:14:36.450
at all times for various reasons.

0:14:36.450,0:14:37.685
In caveman times

0:14:37.685,0:14:41.495
that danger may have been[br]a saber-toothed tiger,

0:14:41.495,0:14:42.890
it may have been the weather,

0:14:42.890,0:14:44.890
it may have been a lack of resources,

0:14:44.890,0:14:47.061
it may have been who knows,[br]any number of things,

0:14:47.061,0:14:50.240
things that with no conscience[br]are trying to kill you.

0:14:50.240,0:14:52.216
They want to end your life.

0:14:52.216,0:14:54.028
So how do we survive?

0:14:54.028,0:14:55.390
We work together.

0:14:55.390,0:14:58.280
Together we come together in our groups

0:14:58.280,0:15:00.653
and our companies and our tribes

0:15:00.653,0:15:02.316
to feel like we belong,

0:15:02.316,0:15:04.376
to be around people who[br]believe what we believe

0:15:04.376,0:15:06.459
so that we may feel safe.

0:15:07.351,0:15:09.083
When we're surrounded by people

0:15:09.083,0:15:11.510
who have our best interest[br]in mind and we feel safe

0:15:11.510,0:15:13.393
we will organize ourselves and cooperate

0:15:13.393,0:15:14.974
to face the dangers externally.

0:15:14.974,0:15:18.248
Don't forget the outside[br]dangers are a constant.

0:15:18.248,0:15:19.129
In a modern world

0:15:19.129,0:15:20.946
the outside dangers[br]may be your competition

0:15:20.946,0:15:22.177
that's trying to put you out of business,

0:15:22.177,0:15:23.829
or at least steal your business.

0:15:23.829,0:15:26.423
It might be the ebbs and[br]flows of the economy.

0:15:26.423,0:15:27.557
It might be terrorism.

0:15:27.557,0:15:30.287
All of these unknowns all trying[br]to put you out of business,

0:15:30.287,0:15:32.538
take away your job, take[br]away your livelihood,

0:15:32.538,0:15:33.421
end it for you.

0:15:33.421,0:15:34.799
Nothing personal.

0:15:34.799,0:15:36.270
It's a constant.

0:15:36.270,0:15:37.718
Inside our organizations

0:15:37.718,0:15:41.885
the dangers we face are not a[br]constant, they are a variable.

0:15:42.888,0:15:45.742
They are the decisions of leadership

0:15:45.742,0:15:49.108
as to how safe they make[br]us feel when we go to work.

0:15:49.108,0:15:51.358
This is the job of leaders.

0:15:52.266,0:15:55.009
Aesop said it better than I can.

0:15:55.009,0:15:56.997
There's an Aesop fable

0:15:56.997,0:15:59.559
about four oxen that stand tail to tail.

0:15:59.559,0:16:01.440
Whenever the lion tries to eat them,

0:16:01.440,0:16:03.927
no matter what angle[br]from which he attacks,

0:16:03.927,0:16:06.396
he will always be met with horns.

0:16:06.396,0:16:08.932
However, due to infighting[br]and disagreements

0:16:08.932,0:16:11.926
they separate and they go and graze

0:16:11.926,0:16:14.186
in different parts of the field.

0:16:14.186,0:16:18.676
And one by one the lion picks[br]them off and kills them all.

0:16:18.676,0:16:20.926
When we stand together,

0:16:20.926,0:16:23.906
we can more easily face[br]the dangers outside.

0:16:23.906,0:16:25.891
When we break up inside our companies,

0:16:25.891,0:16:27.502
if our leaders don't allow us a space

0:16:27.502,0:16:29.446
to feel safe inside our own companies,

0:16:29.446,0:16:30.875
to feel like we belong,

0:16:30.875,0:16:33.949
then we have to, we're forced[br]to exert our own energy

0:16:33.949,0:16:36.389
to protect ourselves from each other

0:16:36.389,0:16:38.042
and, by the way, expose ourselves

0:16:38.042,0:16:40.078
to greater danger from the outside.

0:16:40.078,0:16:41.732
If you have to worry about politics,

0:16:41.732,0:16:43.742
if you have to worry about[br]someone stealing your credit,

0:16:43.742,0:16:46.715
if you have to worry about[br]your boss not having your back,

0:16:46.715,0:16:49.562
think about the energy you[br]invest, not in your business,

0:16:49.562,0:16:51.355
not in the products[br]you're trying to develop,

0:16:51.355,0:16:54.070
not in your work, not in[br]how great you're producing,

0:16:54.070,0:16:55.164
not in your creativity,

0:16:55.164,0:16:58.540
but in just keeping yourself feeling safe.

0:16:58.540,0:17:00.207
This is destructive.

0:17:01.531,0:17:03.357
The responsibility of[br]leadership is two things.

0:17:03.357,0:17:07.012
One, to determine who gets[br]in and who doesn't get in.

0:17:07.012,0:17:08.621
This is what it means to start with why.

0:17:08.621,0:17:10.203
What are our values, what are our beliefs?

0:17:10.203,0:17:11.863
Who can we allow in?

0:17:11.863,0:17:15.002
Second thing is to decide how big this is.

0:17:15.002,0:17:16.919
How big do we make the circle of safety?

0:17:16.919,0:17:18.880
How big do we make the[br]circle of belonging?

0:17:18.880,0:17:21.449
Do we keep it around just[br]our c-level executives

0:17:21.449,0:17:23.473
and call it an inner circle

0:17:23.473,0:17:25.933
and allow others to try[br]and fend for themselves

0:17:25.933,0:17:29.249
and maybe trying to get[br]into our inner circle?

0:17:29.249,0:17:30.174
Or do we extend it

0:17:30.174,0:17:32.329
to the outermost edges[br]of the organization?

0:17:32.329,0:17:34.671
Great leaders extend the circle of safety,

0:17:34.671,0:17:37.575
the circle of belonging,[br]out to the outer most edges

0:17:37.575,0:17:41.523
so the most junior person[br]feels like they belong,

0:17:41.523,0:17:45.093
feels safe, feels like they have top cover

0:17:45.093,0:17:47.357
from somebody like Johnny Bravo.

0:17:47.357,0:17:51.844
That's what these other two[br]chemicals are trying to do.

0:17:51.844,0:17:54.605
Serotonin is the leadership chemical,

0:17:54.605,0:17:58.605
is responsible for feelings[br]of pride and status.

0:18:00.921,0:18:03.379
This is why public[br]recognition is very important.

0:18:03.379,0:18:06.926
We are social animals and we[br]need the recognition of others.

0:18:06.926,0:18:08.611
This is why we have the Oscars

0:18:08.611,0:18:11.383
and this is why we have[br]public awards events.

0:18:11.383,0:18:14.576
This is why we have[br]commencement for graduation.

0:18:14.576,0:18:15.484
Think about it.

0:18:15.484,0:18:18.595
What does it really take[br]to graduate college?

0:18:18.595,0:18:19.981
You need to pay your bills,

0:18:19.981,0:18:21.405
fulfill the minimum requirements,

0:18:21.405,0:18:23.671
and collect enough credits.

0:18:23.671,0:18:24.951
That's it.

0:18:24.951,0:18:26.104
It's a formula.

0:18:26.104,0:18:28.231
You can get an email that[br]says congratulations,

0:18:28.231,0:18:31.368
you've fulfilled all the[br]requirements for graduation,

0:18:31.368,0:18:35.047
enclosed please print out[br]the PDF of your diploma.

0:18:35.047,0:18:36.845
PS, magna cum laude.

0:18:36.845,0:18:37.932
Right?

0:18:37.932,0:18:39.667
Wouldn't feel so good, right?

0:18:39.667,0:18:42.008
Instead we have a big ceremony

0:18:42.008,0:18:43.949
to recognize the accomplishment.

0:18:43.949,0:18:47.322
In the audience we put[br]our family and our friends

0:18:47.322,0:18:49.183
and our teachers, all[br]of those in our tribe

0:18:49.183,0:18:51.375
who have supported us[br]and watched our backs

0:18:51.375,0:18:53.191
as we've made it through.

0:18:53.191,0:18:54.655
Then we show up on that day

0:18:54.655,0:18:57.421
and we go up on that stage[br]and we take our diploma.

0:18:57.421,0:18:58.526
It feels great.

0:18:58.526,0:19:01.323
We feel our status rise,[br]we feel our pride go up.

0:19:01.323,0:19:03.549
By the way, when you have[br]serotonin in your veins

0:19:03.549,0:19:05.975
your confidence goes up also.

0:19:05.975,0:19:09.039
Here's the best part about serotonin.

0:19:09.039,0:19:12.547
At the exact moment that[br]you took your diploma

0:19:12.547,0:19:14.971
and you felt that surge of[br]serotonin go through your body,

0:19:14.971,0:19:18.146
at the exact moment your[br]parents sitting in the audience

0:19:18.146,0:19:19.647
also got a surge of serotonin

0:19:19.647,0:19:22.866
and also felt an intense[br]pride watching you graduate.

0:19:22.866,0:19:25.827
This is what serotonin is trying to do.

0:19:25.827,0:19:28.437
It is trying to reinforce the relationship

0:19:28.437,0:19:31.585
between parent and[br]child, boss and employee,

0:19:31.585,0:19:34.215
coach and player, the caregiver

0:19:34.215,0:19:38.605
and the one who is grateful[br]for the support they are given.

0:19:38.605,0:19:39.681
Think about it.

0:19:39.681,0:19:41.856
Think of the speeches that we give.

0:19:41.856,0:19:44.146
If you give an award to[br]somebody, what do they say?

0:19:44.146,0:19:45.463
I couldn't have done it,

0:19:45.463,0:19:47.616
I thank God, I thank my[br]parents, I thank my coach.

0:19:47.616,0:19:51.233
We thank the person who we[br]believe was looking out for us.

0:19:51.233,0:19:54.580
"We could not have done[br]this without them," we say.

0:19:54.580,0:19:57.758
And they look at us and they[br]say, "I'm so proud of you."

0:19:57.758,0:19:59.777
And we work to make them proud.

0:19:59.777,0:20:01.702
Great teams don't wanna win the trophy.

0:20:01.702,0:20:04.155
Great teams wanna win one for the coach.

0:20:04.155,0:20:06.410
They wanna make the coach proud.

0:20:06.410,0:20:09.071
We wanna make our parents proud.

0:20:09.071,0:20:11.903
It raises our status and[br]it raises our confidence

0:20:11.903,0:20:14.619
and it feels good and we in[br]turn will look after others

0:20:14.619,0:20:16.010
so that they may accomplish the same.

0:20:16.010,0:20:20.080
This is what serotonin is[br]trying desperately to do.

0:20:20.080,0:20:22.963
The problem is you can trick serotonin.

0:20:22.963,0:20:25.220
We live in a materialist society

0:20:25.220,0:20:27.701
so we judge status very[br]often in our country

0:20:27.701,0:20:30.135
based on how much money you make.

0:20:30.135,0:20:33.865
Any conspicuous display of[br]wealth raises your status.

0:20:33.865,0:20:37.482
This is why they put the[br]logos on the outside.

0:20:37.482,0:20:38.810
No good on the inside.

0:20:38.810,0:20:40.660
Nobody can see them.

0:20:40.660,0:20:44.763
We want the red line of our Prada glasses.

0:20:44.763,0:20:46.556
You own a pair of designer shoes,

0:20:46.556,0:20:49.057
how good does it feel to[br]put on your Gucci shoes?

0:20:49.057,0:20:50.227
Oh my God, it feels so good

0:20:50.227,0:20:51.948
and you walk out and you[br]feel a million bucks.

0:20:51.948,0:20:53.836
You can actually feel your confidence rise

0:20:53.836,0:20:55.913
when you put on the stuff

0:20:55.913,0:20:58.759
because it's showing[br]this display of status.

0:20:58.759,0:20:59.844
It feels great.

0:20:59.844,0:21:01.989
The problem is there was no relationship

0:21:01.989,0:21:03.498
that was reinforced because of it.

0:21:03.498,0:21:05.116
You tricked the system.

0:21:05.116,0:21:07.195
That's why we keep trying[br]to accomplish things

0:21:07.195,0:21:09.691
and accumulate more[br]and more material goods

0:21:09.691,0:21:11.396
and yet we never feel successful

0:21:11.396,0:21:13.903
because there was no relationship.

0:21:13.903,0:21:16.582
We tricked it, we gamed it.

0:21:16.582,0:21:19.311
Serotonin is the leadership chemical.

0:21:19.311,0:21:20.604
The reason I call it[br]the leadership chemical

0:21:20.604,0:21:24.064
is a historical reason, a[br]very simple historical reason.

0:21:24.064,0:21:26.001
We had a very practical problem

0:21:26.001,0:21:27.440
as our animal was developing,

0:21:27.440,0:21:28.940
as the homo sapien was developing.

0:21:28.940,0:21:33.107
We lived in communities of[br]about 100 and 150 people

0:21:34.203,0:21:35.987
and this is a very practical issue

0:21:35.987,0:21:37.132
which is if we're hungry

0:21:37.132,0:21:38.228
and somebody brings back food

0:21:38.228,0:21:40.092
and drop a carcass on the floor,

0:21:40.092,0:21:42.606
we're all gonna rush in to eat.

0:21:42.606,0:21:44.996
If you're lucky enough to[br]be built like a linebacker

0:21:44.996,0:21:47.471
you will elbow your way to the front.

0:21:47.471,0:21:49.477
If you're the artistic one of the family

0:21:49.477,0:21:52.193
(audience laughing)

0:21:52.193,0:21:54.497
you get the elbow in the face.

0:21:54.497,0:21:57.716
Not a good system to keep[br]the whole tribe alive

0:21:57.716,0:22:00.710
and definitely not a good[br]system for cooperation.

0:22:00.710,0:22:03.073
'Cause remember the value of group living

0:22:03.073,0:22:05.879
means that if I trust[br]you and you trust me,

0:22:05.879,0:22:07.699
I can fall asleep at night

0:22:07.699,0:22:09.650
and trust that you will[br]alert me to danger.

0:22:09.650,0:22:11.844
If I don't trust you, I[br]can't go to sleep at night.

0:22:11.844,0:22:13.288
It's the same in our companies.

0:22:13.288,0:22:15.104
If we trust each other,[br]we will turn our backs,

0:22:15.104,0:22:16.704
we will take risks, we will innovate,

0:22:16.704,0:22:19.137
we will do things that will[br]change the course of our world.

0:22:19.137,0:22:21.930
If I don't trust you I can't do that.

0:22:21.930,0:22:22.888
I can't do that.

0:22:22.888,0:22:24.988
There's value in group[br]living and group working.

0:22:24.988,0:22:27.193
If you got an elbow in[br]the face that afternoon,

0:22:27.193,0:22:29.518
odds are very high that[br]you're not gonna wake the guy

0:22:29.518,0:22:31.373
who punched you of dangers there.

0:22:31.373,0:22:32.599
You're just not gonna do it.

0:22:32.599,0:22:33.958
Bad system.

0:22:33.958,0:22:37.358
We evolved into higher[br]hierarchical animals.

0:22:37.358,0:22:39.733
We're constantly assessing[br]and judging each other,

0:22:39.733,0:22:41.647
constantly ranging ourselves.

0:22:41.647,0:22:43.476
Who's the alpha, who's the dominant,

0:22:43.476,0:22:47.199
who's the one who sort of is[br]the more dominant personality

0:22:47.199,0:22:49.782
or dominant talent in the room?

0:22:50.768,0:22:53.017
In caveman times it might[br]have been physical muscle.

0:22:53.017,0:22:54.971
In the creative industry[br]it might be talent.

0:22:54.971,0:22:57.132
In the military it might be courage.

0:22:57.132,0:23:00.680
There's no standard by[br]which we judge alphas.

0:23:00.680,0:23:03.192
It's relative to the industries we're in.

0:23:03.192,0:23:04.855
It's relative to us, as well.

0:23:04.855,0:23:06.044
If you've ever met someone

0:23:06.044,0:23:09.415
and you were nervous while[br]you were meeting them,

0:23:09.415,0:23:11.482
you're not the alpha.

0:23:11.482,0:23:13.400
We've all had the experience[br]where we're meeting somebody

0:23:13.400,0:23:15.870
and we can sense that[br]they're nervous meeting us.

0:23:15.870,0:23:17.432
You're the alpha.

0:23:17.432,0:23:19.720
I'll tell you a little[br]aside that's kind of funny.

0:23:19.720,0:23:21.983
You know when women all live together

0:23:21.983,0:23:24.400
their menstrual cycles align?

0:23:26.780,0:23:29.627
Assuming they're not on the[br]pill, then it doesn't work.

0:23:29.627,0:23:30.602
But if they're not on the pill

0:23:30.602,0:23:31.570
then all the menstrual cycles

0:23:31.570,0:23:33.530
go together on the same schedule.

0:23:33.530,0:23:35.497
It's not arbitrary.

0:23:35.497,0:23:38.935
They always align with the[br]alpha female's schedule.

0:23:38.935,0:23:39.943
The reason is

0:23:39.943,0:23:42.057
is because when a woman[br]is in her menstrual cycle

0:23:42.057,0:23:43.432
she can't bear children.

0:23:43.432,0:23:44.658
So in evolutionary terms

0:23:44.658,0:23:46.423
you want the alpha male[br]and the alpha female

0:23:46.423,0:23:48.599
to do it so you can have alpha children,

0:23:48.599,0:23:50.791
nice, strong, strapping[br]kids who are gonna survive,

0:23:50.791,0:23:53.499
but if she's off the market[br]that produces competition.

0:23:53.499,0:23:56.418
Mother nature has[br]created a very clever way

0:23:56.418,0:23:59.013
that when she's off the market[br]everyone's off the market.

0:23:59.013,0:24:00.533
(audience laughing)

0:24:00.533,0:24:02.866
(chuckling)

0:24:05.216,0:24:06.633
Back to the talk.

0:24:09.843,0:24:10.743
We're constantly judging

0:24:10.743,0:24:12.882
and assessing each other who's alpha.

0:24:12.882,0:24:15.366
What we do is when we assess[br]that someone else is the alpha

0:24:15.366,0:24:18.702
we voluntarily take a step back

0:24:18.702,0:24:20.850
and allow them to eat first.

0:24:20.850,0:24:23.753
Alphas get first choice of[br]meat and first choice of mate.

0:24:23.753,0:24:24.973
Good system.

0:24:24.973,0:24:25.839
Good system.

0:24:25.839,0:24:26.867
The alpha gets to eat first.

0:24:26.867,0:24:28.632
The rest of us may not[br]get the best cut of meat,

0:24:28.632,0:24:29.873
but we will get to eat eventually

0:24:29.873,0:24:31.599
and we won't get an elbow in the face.

0:24:31.599,0:24:32.432
Good system.

0:24:32.432,0:24:34.350
We'll happily alert them to danger later.

0:24:34.350,0:24:35.442
Good system.

0:24:35.442,0:24:38.265
This is why we're constantly[br]trying to raise our status

0:24:38.265,0:24:40.848
is because there are[br]benefits to being the alpha.

0:24:40.848,0:24:42.968
People will do things for us and step back

0:24:42.968,0:24:44.635
and offer us favors.

0:24:45.848,0:24:48.966
To this day we're perfectly comfortable

0:24:48.966,0:24:51.802
giving special treatment to our alphas.

0:24:51.802,0:24:53.507
No one has a problem

0:24:53.507,0:24:56.156
that your boss makes more money than you.

0:24:56.156,0:24:58.008
You might think he's an ass,

0:24:58.008,0:25:00.154
but you don't have a problem[br]that he makes more money.

0:25:00.154,0:25:03.782
Nobody has a problem that[br]somebody who outranks us at work

0:25:03.782,0:25:05.616
has a bigger office than us.

0:25:05.616,0:25:06.711
Doesn't offend us.

0:25:06.711,0:25:08.346
It is deeply ingrained in us.

0:25:08.346,0:25:11.264
We happily step aside and allow our alphas

0:25:11.264,0:25:14.031
first choice of meat and[br]first choice of mate.

0:25:14.031,0:25:15.543
It's good to be the king.

0:25:15.543,0:25:17.187
There are advantages that[br]come with being the alpha.

0:25:17.187,0:25:19.133
You get special treatment,[br]you get to eat first.

0:25:19.133,0:25:20.807
People show you love and respect.

0:25:20.807,0:25:21.971
It boosts the serotonin.

0:25:21.971,0:25:23.023
You walk around like this.

0:25:23.023,0:25:24.104
It boosts your confidence.

0:25:24.104,0:25:25.187
It's awesome.

0:25:26.462,0:25:28.890
But it comes at a cost.

0:25:28.890,0:25:31.383
You see, the group is not stupid.

0:25:31.383,0:25:34.677
We're not giving all of[br]that stuff away for free.

0:25:34.677,0:25:38.077
Leadership, alpha, comes at a cost.

0:25:38.077,0:25:39.919
You see, we expect

0:25:39.919,0:25:43.752
that when danger threatens[br]us from the outside

0:25:45.441,0:25:48.010
that the person who's actually stronger,

0:25:48.010,0:25:49.835
the person who's better fed,

0:25:49.835,0:25:53.220
and the person who is actually[br]teeming with serotonin

0:25:53.220,0:25:55.435
and actually has higher[br]confidence than the rest of us,

0:25:55.435,0:25:59.163
we expect them to run towards[br]the danger to protect us.

0:25:59.163,0:26:01.174
This is what it means to be a leader.

0:26:01.174,0:26:03.076
The cost of leadership is self interest.

0:26:03.076,0:26:06.063
If you're not willing to give[br]up your perks when it matters

0:26:06.063,0:26:08.387
then you probably shouldn't get promoted.

0:26:08.387,0:26:10.728
You might be an authority,[br]but you will not be a leader.

0:26:10.728,0:26:12.385
Leadership comes at a cost.

0:26:12.385,0:26:14.569
You don't get to do less work[br]when you get more senior,

0:26:14.569,0:26:16.048
you have to do more work.

0:26:16.048,0:26:17.225
The more work you have to do

0:26:17.225,0:26:19.757
is put yourself at risk[br]to look after others.

0:26:19.757,0:26:24.660
That is the anthropological[br]definition of what a leader is.

0:26:24.660,0:26:28.345
This is why we're so[br]offended by these banker boys

0:26:28.345,0:26:31.206
who pay themselves astronomical salaries.

0:26:31.206,0:26:34.073
It has nothing to do with the number.

0:26:34.073,0:26:35.438
It has to do with the fact

0:26:35.438,0:26:39.486
that they have violated a[br]deep-seeded social contract.

0:26:39.486,0:26:41.831
We know that they made all of that money

0:26:41.831,0:26:44.113
and allowed their people to be sacrificed.

0:26:44.113,0:26:47.086
In fact, they may have[br]sacrificed their people

0:26:47.086,0:26:48.333
for the money.

0:26:48.333,0:26:52.296
If I told you we're[br]gonna 150 million dollars

0:26:52.296,0:26:56.780
to Nelson Mandela, would anyone[br]have a problem with that?

0:26:56.780,0:26:58.012
Nope.

0:26:58.012,0:27:00.013
250 millions dollars to Mother Teresa.

0:27:00.013,0:27:01.716
Got an issue with it?

0:27:01.716,0:27:02.918
Nope.

0:27:02.918,0:27:04.064
It's not the number.

0:27:04.064,0:27:05.536
It's not the amount of money they make.

0:27:05.536,0:27:08.075
It's that we are deeply[br]and viscerally offended

0:27:08.075,0:27:09.849
that we know that we allowed them

0:27:09.849,0:27:11.104
to have this alpha position

0:27:11.104,0:27:13.361
and they did not fulfill their[br]responsibility of the alpha.

0:27:13.361,0:27:15.893
They're supposed to[br]sacrifice themselves for us,

0:27:15.893,0:27:18.063
never sacrifice us for themselves.

0:27:18.063,0:27:22.447
This is why we're angry and[br]offended and don't trust them.

0:27:22.447,0:27:23.280
They fail.

0:27:25.705,0:27:28.751
(audience applauding)

0:27:28.751,0:27:30.168
Oh, there's more.

0:27:32.127,0:27:34.200
(chuckling)

0:27:34.200,0:27:35.196
Oxytocin.

0:27:35.196,0:27:38.209
This is the best chemical of all.

0:27:38.209,0:27:42.376
Oxytocin is the feeling of[br]love and trust and friendship.

0:27:43.365,0:27:44.678
It's all the warm and fuzzies.

0:27:44.678,0:27:47.475
It's all the unicorns and rainbows.

0:27:47.475,0:27:49.491
It's the reason we like to[br]spend time with our friends

0:27:49.491,0:27:51.296
even if we don't do anything with them.

0:27:51.296,0:27:52.820
We just sit and watch TV.

0:27:52.820,0:27:54.065
We love their company.

0:27:54.065,0:27:55.880
I promise you nearly every single person

0:27:55.880,0:27:57.645
sitting in this room today

0:27:57.645,0:28:00.045
chose the person they're sitting next to.

0:28:00.045,0:28:01.454
You're not sitting next to a stranger.

0:28:01.454,0:28:03.311
You're sitting next to[br]somebody you met, came with,

0:28:03.311,0:28:05.770
or kind of know a little bit.

0:28:05.770,0:28:06.603
Why?

0:28:06.603,0:28:09.015
'Cause it makes you[br]feel safer, doesn't it?

0:28:09.015,0:28:10.489
If you got up and went[br]and sat next to strangers

0:28:10.489,0:28:11.613
it wouldn't feel so good.

0:28:11.613,0:28:13.142
That's the feeling of oxytocin.

0:28:13.142,0:28:15.183
Oxytocin is that intense feeling of safety

0:28:15.183,0:28:17.125
that someone's got your back.

0:28:17.125,0:28:19.510
There are multiple ways[br]you can get oxytocin.

0:28:19.510,0:28:22.098
One way to get it is physical contact.

0:28:22.098,0:28:24.098
Hugging feels wonderful.

0:28:25.318,0:28:28.212
When women give birth to children,

0:28:28.212,0:28:30.831
huge surge of oxytocin in their body.

0:28:30.831,0:28:35.380
This is what's responsible[br]for the mother child bond.

0:28:35.380,0:28:37.913
It's all that oxytocin in the system.

0:28:37.913,0:28:40.500
This is why shaking hands matters.

0:28:40.500,0:28:42.401
Imagine you're doing a deal with someone

0:28:42.401,0:28:44.397
and you're ready to sign the contract

0:28:44.397,0:28:46.921
and you say, "I'm so excited[br]to do business with you."

0:28:46.921,0:28:48.097
And they go, "I don't need to shake.

0:28:48.097,0:28:48.930
"Let's sign the contract.

0:28:48.930,0:28:50.508
"I'm also excited to[br]do business with you."

0:28:50.508,0:28:51.341
You go, "Great!

0:28:51.341,0:28:52.216
"Well, let's shake on it, then."

0:28:52.216,0:28:53.115
They go, "No, no, no, no.

0:28:53.115,0:28:54.052
"I agree to all the terms.

0:28:54.052,0:28:55.574
"Let's get this deal done.

0:28:55.574,0:28:57.409
"I can't wait to work with you."

0:28:57.409,0:29:00.204
You might get everything[br]you want in the contract

0:29:00.204,0:29:04.444
but business, relationships,[br]are not rational.

0:29:04.444,0:29:06.890
They're about feeling safe,[br]they're about feeling we belong.

0:29:06.890,0:29:08.498
It's human.

0:29:08.498,0:29:09.736
One of the ways we wanna know

0:29:09.736,0:29:11.468
that that relationship is solidified

0:29:11.468,0:29:13.467
is with physical touch.

0:29:13.467,0:29:16.575
Their simple refusal to touch you,

0:29:16.575,0:29:18.403
to exchange that oxytocin,

0:29:18.403,0:29:20.268
means one of two things will happen.

0:29:20.268,0:29:22.429
You will either completely[br]scuttle the deal

0:29:22.429,0:29:25.160
or you will go into it nervous.

0:29:25.160,0:29:26.743
Human bonds matter.

0:29:28.609,0:29:30.615
Another way you can get oxytocin

0:29:30.615,0:29:33.768
is through acts of human generosity.

0:29:33.768,0:29:35.688
An act of human generosity is defined

0:29:35.688,0:29:38.001
as giving of your time and energy

0:29:38.001,0:29:40.373
and expecting nothing in return.

0:29:40.373,0:29:42.460
Money doesn't work, sorry.

0:29:42.460,0:29:45.605
If I told you that this morning[br]I gave $1,000 to charity,

0:29:45.605,0:29:47.370
what would you think of me?

0:29:47.370,0:29:50.286
You'd be like (applauding) good for you.

0:29:50.286,0:29:51.235
(audience laughing)

0:29:51.235,0:29:53.530
What do you want, a medal?

0:29:53.530,0:29:54.794
But if I told you that last Saturday

0:29:54.794,0:29:56.754
I gave up my day and I[br]went and painted schools

0:29:56.754,0:29:58.680
in the inner city, then[br]what would you think?

0:29:58.680,0:30:01.005
You'd be like, "Nice, cool.

0:30:01.005,0:30:02.432
"I should do more."

0:30:02.432,0:30:04.495
Right?[br](audience laughing)

0:30:04.495,0:30:07.640
The value of my labor,[br]much less than $1,000.

0:30:07.640,0:30:09.976
You could have hired many[br]more people for $1,000

0:30:09.976,0:30:11.975
to go paint schools in the inner city.

0:30:11.975,0:30:13.782
But you see, as human beings

0:30:13.782,0:30:15.863
we put a premium on time

0:30:15.863,0:30:18.140
because it is an equal commodity

0:30:18.140,0:30:19.821
and it is a non-redeemable commodity.

0:30:19.821,0:30:20.819
You spend money, you make money.

0:30:20.819,0:30:22.920
You spend time, you'll never get it back.

0:30:22.920,0:30:24.261
Some of you are sitting[br]in this room right now

0:30:24.261,0:30:26.290
saying, "I will never get this time back."

0:30:26.290,0:30:28.174
(audience laughing)

0:30:28.174,0:30:29.924
I got nothin' for ya.

0:30:31.468,0:30:32.425
We put a premium

0:30:32.425,0:30:34.745
on people who give us[br]their time and energy.

0:30:34.745,0:30:37.444
A leader who says to you, "I'll[br]pay for something for you,"

0:30:37.444,0:30:38.485
is not a leader.

0:30:38.485,0:30:39.994
A leader who comes and[br]sits down next to you

0:30:39.994,0:30:43.800
and says, "How can I[br]help you?" is a leader.

0:30:43.800,0:30:46.652
I was talking to some oil executives

0:30:46.652,0:30:47.917
and they were trying to convince me

0:30:47.917,0:30:50.396
that they really care about how fulfilled

0:30:50.396,0:30:52.132
and how happy their employees are at work,

0:30:52.132,0:30:54.119
to which I said, "No, you don't."

0:30:54.119,0:30:55.092
And they said, "No, we do."

0:30:55.092,0:30:56.788
And I said, "No, you don't."

0:30:56.788,0:30:57.733
And they said, "Yeah, we do."

0:30:57.733,0:30:59.753
You see how this went.

0:30:59.753,0:31:04.034
I said, "I bet you hired[br]some high priced consultancy

0:31:04.034,0:31:05.660
"to come and do a web survey

0:31:05.660,0:31:07.825
"about whether people[br]liked their jobs or not."

0:31:07.825,0:31:10.915
And they said, "Well, we[br]didn't hire a consultancy."

0:31:10.915,0:31:14.867
I said, "Okay, so it's kinda[br]like sending your son an email.

0:31:14.867,0:31:17.240
"Dear son, your mother and I care

0:31:17.240,0:31:19.884
"that you feel like a[br]valuable part of this family.

0:31:19.884,0:31:22.615
"Please tell us candidly[br]what we can go better

0:31:22.615,0:31:24.233
"so that you feel like you belong here

0:31:24.233,0:31:26.022
"because we really love you.

0:31:26.022,0:31:27.022
"Love, Dad."

0:31:28.195,0:31:30.741
Or you go into his[br]room, you sit on his bed

0:31:30.741,0:31:32.542
and you say, "Hey, son,[br]your mom and I really care

0:31:32.542,0:31:34.822
"that you feel like a valuable[br]member of this family.

0:31:34.822,0:31:36.758
"Please tell us candidly[br]what we can do better

0:31:36.758,0:31:38.126
"because we want you[br]to feel like you belong

0:31:38.126,0:31:39.963
"and we really love you."

0:31:39.963,0:31:43.925
Same words, same intention, same desire.

0:31:43.925,0:31:45.442
The difference is one,[br]you gave time and energy,

0:31:45.442,0:31:46.880
and the other one you didn't.

0:31:46.880,0:31:48.178
This is the problem with email.

0:31:48.178,0:31:49.664
It's too easy.

0:31:49.664,0:31:50.558
It's too easy.

0:31:50.558,0:31:51.796
There's no time and energy expended.

0:31:51.796,0:31:52.629
It's too easy.

0:31:52.629,0:31:53.561
You don't feel anything.

0:31:53.561,0:31:54.898
If I come to your house for dinner

0:31:54.898,0:31:56.455
and you make me a lovely dinner,

0:31:56.455,0:31:58.389
the next day I send you a[br]very nice thank you email,

0:31:58.389,0:31:59.991
what a wonderful host you are,

0:31:59.991,0:32:03.406
or three days later you receive[br]a handwritten note from me

0:32:03.406,0:32:05.941
with the exact same words that[br]were written in the email,

0:32:05.941,0:32:07.832
which one makes you feel better?

0:32:07.832,0:32:09.174
Handwritten note.

0:32:09.174,0:32:10.929
The sentiment was the same,[br]the words were the same.

0:32:10.929,0:32:12.708
The difference is one[br]took a little more time

0:32:12.708,0:32:14.797
and a little more energy.

0:32:14.797,0:32:16.734
Leaders are the ones[br]who give us their time

0:32:16.734,0:32:18.238
and give us their energy,

0:32:18.238,0:32:19.626
not the ones who give us their money.

0:32:19.626,0:32:20.459
It doesn't count.

0:32:20.459,0:32:21.292
It doesn't work.

0:32:21.292,0:32:23.123
It just biologically doesn't work.

0:32:23.123,0:32:24.851
This is how you get oxytocin,

0:32:24.851,0:32:26.677
doing nice things for people

0:32:26.677,0:32:30.692
that require that you[br]sacrifice a little bit of time,

0:32:30.692,0:32:31.851
a little bit of energy.

0:32:31.851,0:32:33.440
Something you will never get back.

0:32:33.440,0:32:34.696
If you expect something in return

0:32:34.696,0:32:36.201
then you weren't really[br]giving in the first place.

0:32:36.201,0:32:37.208
You take someone out for dinner

0:32:37.208,0:32:38.526
because you want them to hire you,

0:32:38.526,0:32:40.109
you're not really taking[br]them out for dinner.

0:32:40.109,0:32:41.258
You want something in return.

0:32:41.258,0:32:43.490
It's just a protracted transaction.

0:32:43.490,0:32:44.932
It's not relationship building.

0:32:44.932,0:32:46.592
It's nonsense.

0:32:46.592,0:32:49.059
I was walking down the[br]streets of New York,

0:32:49.059,0:32:50.947
true story, and the guy in front of me,

0:32:50.947,0:32:52.165
his backpack opened and a bunch of paper

0:32:52.165,0:32:54.183
spilled out on the street.

0:32:54.183,0:32:55.241
Didn't think much of it.

0:32:55.241,0:32:57.283
I bent down, gathered the papers up,

0:32:57.283,0:32:58.116
handed them back to him,

0:32:58.116,0:32:59.820
and pointed out that his band had opened.

0:32:59.820,0:33:02.203
I did a small act of[br]generosity for somebody,

0:33:02.203,0:33:05.280
I got a small burst of[br]oxytocin, I felt good.

0:33:05.280,0:33:07.463
Also the person on the receiving end

0:33:07.463,0:33:10.514
of the act of generosity feels good.

0:33:10.514,0:33:12.609
They get a shot of oxytocin.

0:33:12.609,0:33:13.442
He felt good.

0:33:13.442,0:33:14.856
He says thanks.

0:33:14.856,0:33:16.379
I get to the end of the block

0:33:16.379,0:33:18.716
and I'm standing waiting[br]to cross the street

0:33:18.716,0:33:20.334
and a guy who also happens to be standing

0:33:20.334,0:33:22.538
waiting to cross the street[br]turns around, true story,

0:33:22.538,0:33:25.750
turns around and says to me,[br]"I saw what you did back there.

0:33:25.750,0:33:27.852
"That was really cool."

0:33:27.852,0:33:29.909
(audience laughing)

0:33:29.909,0:33:34.076
As it turns out witnessing[br]acts of human generosity

0:33:35.098,0:33:36.426
release oxytocin.

0:33:36.426,0:33:40.161
Remember our bodies are trying[br]to get us to repeat behaviors

0:33:40.161,0:33:41.721
that are in our best interest

0:33:41.721,0:33:43.633
and it's making us feel good

0:33:43.633,0:33:46.714
when we see or do acts of human generosity

0:33:46.714,0:33:49.179
so that we will do them.

0:33:49.179,0:33:51.737
In fact, the more oxytocin[br]you have in your body,

0:33:51.737,0:33:54.451
the more generous you actually become.

0:33:54.451,0:33:57.568
The more you do, the more you want to do.

0:33:57.568,0:33:58.828
It gets better than that.

0:33:58.828,0:34:03.386
Lots of oxytocin in your[br]body inhibits addiction.

0:34:03.386,0:34:05.817
It makes it very difficult[br]to get addicted to something

0:34:05.817,0:34:07.202
when you have lots of[br]oxytocin in your body.

0:34:07.202,0:34:08.512
It actually inhibits addiction.

0:34:08.512,0:34:10.855
It boosts your immune system.

0:34:10.855,0:34:12.476
It makes you healthier.

0:34:12.476,0:34:15.181
That's why happy people live longer.

0:34:15.181,0:34:17.599
It's why couples live longer.

0:34:18.634,0:34:19.621
Oxytocin.

0:34:19.621,0:34:21.181
It actually is good for us.

0:34:21.181,0:34:23.532
It increases our ability[br]to solve problems.

0:34:23.532,0:34:25.913
It increases our creativity.

0:34:25.913,0:34:28.774
It's really good for us[br]and it's not addictive.

0:34:28.774,0:34:30.313
It just feels great.

0:34:30.313,0:34:32.500
It takes time to build up, though.

0:34:32.500,0:34:34.661
I went on a date with[br]a girl the other day,

0:34:34.661,0:34:36.958
it was a first date, we[br]totally got along great,

0:34:36.958,0:34:38.380
we're gonna get married.

0:34:38.380,0:34:40.380
(audience laughing)[br]Why are you laughing?

0:34:40.380,0:34:41.688
that's my social life.

0:34:41.688,0:34:43.335
(audience laughing)

0:34:43.335,0:34:46.514
The reason you laugh is[br]because you inherently know

0:34:46.514,0:34:49.770
that I cannot form a bond[br]of trust strong enough

0:34:49.770,0:34:51.380
to get married in seven days.

0:34:51.380,0:34:52.463
You know that.

0:34:52.463,0:34:54.103
Why don't you go on a couple more dates?

0:34:54.103,0:34:55.929
Inherently you know that.

0:34:55.929,0:34:58.124
If I told you that I'd been[br]dating somebody for seven years

0:34:58.124,0:35:00.404
and we're not married[br]yet, what do you say?

0:35:00.404,0:35:01.524
What's wrong?

0:35:01.524,0:35:03.022
(audience laughing)

0:35:03.022,0:35:05.271
In other words we know[br]that that bond of trust

0:35:05.271,0:35:07.225
takes more than seven days[br]and less than seven years.

0:35:07.225,0:35:09.806
Don't know how long it takes, though.

0:35:09.806,0:35:11.031
When you start a new job

0:35:11.031,0:35:12.130
and you're really excited to work there

0:35:12.130,0:35:13.679
and they're really excited to have you,

0:35:13.679,0:35:15.238
don't quite feel like you belong

0:35:15.238,0:35:17.257
and you don't quite feel like[br]you're trusted yet, right?

0:35:17.257,0:35:19.074
Even though you were really excited.

0:35:19.074,0:35:21.640
It takes time and you have to[br]do little acts of generosity

0:35:21.640,0:35:23.990
and make little sacrifices,[br]do little things for people.

0:35:23.990,0:35:25.258
Not big risks, small risks.

0:35:25.258,0:35:26.882
It's like dating.

0:35:26.882,0:35:30.040
You don't start by buying them a diamond.

0:35:30.040,0:35:32.591
You start by taking them for lunch,

0:35:32.591,0:35:35.754
buying them a drink, little bits.

0:35:35.754,0:35:37.786
Then they take you out or[br]you take them out again,

0:35:37.786,0:35:38.828
you do something a little bigger,

0:35:38.828,0:35:39.714
then you do that and a movie,

0:35:39.714,0:35:41.756
then they come over, and[br]then you buy them flowers,

0:35:41.756,0:35:42.961
and then you say, "I love you."

0:35:42.961,0:35:44.352
And one day you wake up in the morning,

0:35:44.352,0:35:45.882
it's like you pressed this belief button.

0:35:45.882,0:35:47.931
You're just, "I'm in love.

0:35:47.931,0:35:49.586
"I don't know when it happened."

0:35:49.586,0:35:51.476
It just clicks and you[br]feel like you belong.

0:35:51.476,0:35:52.768
Same thing at work.

0:35:52.768,0:35:54.127
Same thing at work.

0:35:54.127,0:35:55.071
It just clicks (fingers snapping)

0:35:55.071,0:35:56.183
and you feel like you belong

0:35:56.183,0:35:58.433
'cause you got enough oxytocin[br]built up in your system.

0:35:58.433,0:35:59.980
We don't allow this to happen.

0:35:59.980,0:36:01.697
We're too busy sending emails.

0:36:01.697,0:36:02.905
We're too busy sending emails.

0:36:02.905,0:36:04.538
The next time you wanna[br]tell somebody something,

0:36:04.538,0:36:07.586
email is fantastic for the[br]exchange of information, right?

0:36:07.586,0:36:08.553
It's fantastic.

0:36:08.553,0:36:09.908
Here's the report you wanted,

0:36:09.908,0:36:11.531
the meeting's at four o'clock.

0:36:11.531,0:36:12.646
Fantastic.

0:36:12.646,0:36:14.922
What did you think of my idea?

0:36:14.922,0:36:17.491
Do not reply on an email.

0:36:17.491,0:36:19.102
That's an emotional question.

0:36:19.102,0:36:20.589
Email is a rational tool.

0:36:20.589,0:36:24.019
You get up from your desk,[br]you walk the 30 feet,

0:36:24.019,0:36:27.830
and you say, "Wanted to[br]tell you what I thought

0:36:27.830,0:36:28.941
"of your idea."

0:36:28.941,0:36:30.007
And I promise you,

0:36:30.007,0:36:31.516
not only will that information[br]be better received,

0:36:31.516,0:36:33.441
but you will start to create relationships

0:36:33.441,0:36:36.338
because oxytocin starts to get released.

0:36:36.338,0:36:37.852
If you can't get up and walk 30 feet,

0:36:37.852,0:36:39.257
pick up the telephone.

0:36:39.257,0:36:40.099
I've done it.

0:36:40.099,0:36:41.040
It's an amazing thing.

0:36:41.040,0:36:42.889
You pick up the phone, you go, "Hey."

0:36:42.889,0:36:44.099
They're like, "Hey, what's the matter?"

0:36:44.099,0:36:47.368
You're like, "No, I'm just[br]replying to your email.

0:36:47.368,0:36:50.243
(audience laughing)

0:36:50.243,0:36:53.851
"Wanted to tell you what I thought."

0:36:53.851,0:36:54.684
"What?"

0:36:56.864,0:36:58.993
People who tell me, "But[br]I need a paper trail."

0:36:58.993,0:37:00.400
Have the conversation, hang up and say,

0:37:00.400,0:37:01.992
"Just to confirm what we talked about."

0:37:01.992,0:37:03.562
Boom, there's your paper trail.

0:37:03.562,0:37:04.864
The reason we get so many emails

0:37:04.864,0:37:06.600
is because we reply to them all

0:37:06.600,0:37:08.265
and 12 emails are sent

0:37:08.265,0:37:09.614
and then somebody misunderstands something

0:37:09.614,0:37:10.728
and somebody gets angry

0:37:10.728,0:37:12.588
and then you have to pick up[br]the phone and do it anyway.

0:37:12.588,0:37:14.412
Do it at the beginning.

0:37:14.412,0:37:16.412
Quicker, easier, better.

0:37:17.305,0:37:18.138
Biology.

0:37:20.225,0:37:22.543
Give your time and give your energy.

0:37:22.543,0:37:24.330
This is why leadership is really difficult

0:37:24.330,0:37:25.469
because you can't give it to everyone

0:37:25.469,0:37:27.434
because you don't have[br]enough to give to everyone.

0:37:27.434,0:37:28.721
You just can't.

0:37:28.721,0:37:30.397
You have to make sure[br]that you can trust others

0:37:30.397,0:37:32.737
to trust others to trust[br]others to trust others.

0:37:32.737,0:37:34.806
This is what happens in[br]the circle of belonging,

0:37:34.806,0:37:36.050
in the circle of safety.

0:37:36.050,0:37:38.849
This is what effective bureaucracy is.

0:37:38.849,0:37:43.418
Which is as the CEO, as the[br]leader, or whatever your job is,

0:37:43.418,0:37:45.992
you have one responsibility[br]and one responsibility only

0:37:45.992,0:37:48.127
which is to make sure the people you know

0:37:48.127,0:37:49.584
that you have physical contact with,

0:37:49.584,0:37:52.387
you know their names, are[br]confident and feel looked after

0:37:52.387,0:37:54.068
and encourage them to do the same

0:37:54.068,0:37:55.914
for the ones who work beneath them

0:37:55.914,0:37:57.757
who work beneath them[br]who work beneath them.

0:37:57.757,0:38:00.647
When this group of[br]people really feels safe,

0:38:00.647,0:38:05.231
then they will invite in the[br]customer to also feel safe.

0:38:05.231,0:38:08.458
They will talk to these[br]people as if they are human.

0:38:08.458,0:38:10.303
I actually flew on an airline recently

0:38:10.303,0:38:12.744
and I was appalled at how I was treated.

0:38:12.744,0:38:13.577
It was disgusting.

0:38:13.577,0:38:15.273
It was like cattle.

0:38:15.273,0:38:17.228
I said something.

0:38:17.228,0:38:19.402
I said, "Why do you treat[br]people like cattle?"

0:38:19.402,0:38:21.945
And she literally said[br]to me, "I'm sorry, sir,

0:38:21.945,0:38:24.650
I have to do it or I'll lose my job."

0:38:24.650,0:38:26.720
What did she tell me?

0:38:26.720,0:38:27.986
My organization that I work for

0:38:27.986,0:38:28.913
doesn't make me feel safe.

0:38:28.913,0:38:30.617
I don't feel like I belong,

0:38:30.617,0:38:33.929
so I'm gonna treat you like[br]dirt to protect myself.

0:38:33.929,0:38:35.120
As opposed to somebody who feels safe

0:38:35.120,0:38:36.629
that says, "Sir, I will[br]do everything in my power

0:38:36.629,0:38:38.659
"to make sure that you feel happy and good

0:38:38.659,0:38:40.987
"because I'm not worried."

0:38:40.987,0:38:44.378
That's called a highly[br]effective organization.

0:38:44.378,0:38:48.839
There's one more chemical[br]I haven't told you about.

0:38:48.839,0:38:49.672
The big c.

0:38:52.240,0:38:53.073
Cortisol.

0:38:55.594,0:38:57.076
Cortisol is the feeling of stress

0:38:57.076,0:38:59.326
and the feeling of anxiety.

0:39:00.193,0:39:04.117
We share these chemicals[br]with all the social mammals.

0:39:04.117,0:39:05.427
When you see a herd of gazelle,

0:39:05.427,0:39:06.913
you've all seen the documentary

0:39:06.913,0:39:08.501
on Discovery or whatever, right?

0:39:08.501,0:39:11.334
And see a herd of gazelle grazing.

0:39:12.255,0:39:15.327
And one of them thinks they[br]hear a rustle in the grass

0:39:15.327,0:39:17.188
and they go (gasping)

0:39:17.188,0:39:19.037
(audience laughing)[br]Up head, right?

0:39:19.037,0:39:20.147
That's what cortisol does.

0:39:20.147,0:39:22.323
Cortisol is designed to keep us alive.

0:39:22.323,0:39:24.813
It is the first stage or fight or flight.

0:39:24.813,0:39:26.010
It makes us paranoid,

0:39:26.010,0:39:29.237
it makes all of our senses hyper[br]attuned to look for danger.

0:39:29.237,0:39:32.504
It injects glucose into our muscles

0:39:32.504,0:39:34.385
to make us stiff and ready to go

0:39:34.385,0:39:36.163
in case we need to fight or flight.

0:39:36.163,0:39:39.066
It increases our heart rate like crazy.

0:39:39.066,0:39:40.448
And it makes us start looking.

0:39:40.448,0:39:42.745
It makes us paranoid to find the danger.

0:39:42.745,0:39:43.953
The cool thing about cortisol

0:39:43.953,0:39:45.534
when you work in a social environment

0:39:45.534,0:39:47.707
is if other people sense[br]that you're nervous,

0:39:47.707,0:39:48.540
they get nervous.

0:39:48.540,0:39:51.461
All the other gazelle go (gasping)

0:39:51.461,0:39:52.680
They didn't hear anything.

0:39:52.680,0:39:55.571
They just saw Steve over[br]there get really freaked out.

0:39:55.571,0:39:56.404
(audience laughing)

0:39:56.404,0:39:57.966
And so they got all freaked out.

0:39:57.966,0:40:00.022
Now they all start looking for the danger.

0:40:00.022,0:40:01.022
Good system.

0:40:02.145,0:40:03.430
One of them who didn't even hear

0:40:03.430,0:40:06.479
the initial rustle in the[br]grass sees the lion, runs,

0:40:06.479,0:40:08.580
they all run, they all live another day.

0:40:08.580,0:40:09.725
Good system.

0:40:09.725,0:40:11.718
So that when we go to[br]work and somebody says,

0:40:11.718,0:40:13.073
"I think there's gonna be layoffs."

0:40:13.073,0:40:14.455
All of us are like, "What do you mean?

0:40:14.455,0:40:15.288
"Wait.

0:40:15.288,0:40:16.121
There's gonna be?"

0:40:16.121,0:40:17.720
We're all paranoid now.

0:40:17.720,0:40:20.440
"I shouldn't have talked[br]talked in that meeting.

0:40:20.440,0:40:21.273
Ugh!"

0:40:21.273,0:40:22.933
We start to get crazy,[br]we start to get paranoid.

0:40:22.933,0:40:24.956
Our hearts start to race.

0:40:24.956,0:40:28.253
It's what cortisol does,[br]it's trying to keep us alive.

0:40:28.253,0:40:29.241
You wake up in the middle of the night,

0:40:29.241,0:40:30.767
you hear a bump in the[br]middle of the night.

0:40:30.767,0:40:31.600
(gasping)

0:40:31.600,0:40:32.751
What's the first thing you do?

0:40:32.751,0:40:34.470
You wake the person next to you!

0:40:34.470,0:40:35.475
(audience laughing)

0:40:35.475,0:40:36.317
And then what do they do?

0:40:36.317,0:40:38.410
They go (gasping)

0:40:38.410,0:40:40.560
If there's nothing there[br]you go and trust your eyes,

0:40:40.560,0:40:43.316
you go looking for it,[br]we're visual animals.

0:40:43.316,0:40:47.392
If there's nothing there you go like this,

0:40:47.392,0:40:48.723
(exhaling)

0:40:48.723,0:40:51.267
the cortisol leaves our body and we relax

0:40:51.267,0:40:53.838
and our heartbeat goes back down.

0:40:53.838,0:40:55.565
Cortisol, to get all of that extra energy,

0:40:55.565,0:40:58.496
to make us paranoid, to[br]make us self-interested,

0:40:58.496,0:41:01.289
it needs to shut down[br]non-essential systems

0:41:01.289,0:41:03.449
'cause it has to get it[br]from somewhere, right?

0:41:03.449,0:41:05.208
So it shuts off things like growth.

0:41:05.208,0:41:08.450
You don't need your fingernails[br]to grow at that moment.

0:41:08.450,0:41:09.804
Shuts it off.

0:41:09.804,0:41:13.529
The other thing it shuts[br]off is our immune system.

0:41:13.529,0:41:14.892
Don't need it in that moment.

0:41:14.892,0:41:16.504
The problem is you're not[br]supposed to have cortisol

0:41:16.504,0:41:17.676
in your system all the time.

0:41:17.676,0:41:19.257
You're supposed to have[br]it in and then gone.

0:41:19.257,0:41:20.859
When we go to work in a place

0:41:20.859,0:41:22.717
that doesn't make us feel like we belong,

0:41:22.717,0:41:25.171
that doesn't make us feel[br]safe when we're at work,

0:41:25.171,0:41:26.004
guess what?

0:41:26.004,0:41:27.892
We got little bits of[br]cortisol dripping in our body.

0:41:27.892,0:41:30.583
Drip, drip, drip, drip.

0:41:30.583,0:41:32.021
Makes us paranoid.

0:41:32.021,0:41:32.854
Drip.

0:41:32.854,0:41:33.694
I know my boss hates me.

0:41:33.694,0:41:34.527
I know he hates me.

0:41:34.527,0:41:36.054
He hates all my ideas, I know it.

0:41:36.054,0:41:37.300
Drip, drip.

0:41:37.300,0:41:38.523
It makes us self-interested.

0:41:38.523,0:41:40.214
One of the things cortisol does

0:41:40.214,0:41:42.904
it inhibits the release of oxytocin.

0:41:42.904,0:41:45.153
Biologically if you work in[br]a high stress environment

0:41:45.153,0:41:46.193
where you don't feel safe,

0:41:46.193,0:41:49.789
you are biologically less[br]empathetic and less generous.

0:41:49.789,0:41:50.808
We don't care about each other

0:41:50.808,0:41:52.687
because we're too busy[br]trying to protect ourselves.

0:41:52.687,0:41:54.104
Drip, drip, drip.

0:41:55.443,0:41:58.404
Our immune systems are now compromised.

0:41:58.404,0:42:00.587
Drip, drip, drip.

0:42:00.587,0:42:01.561
We live in a country

0:42:01.561,0:42:04.607
with some of the best medical[br]education in the world,

0:42:04.607,0:42:06.191
some of the best medical[br]systems in the world,

0:42:06.191,0:42:07.397
some of the best doctors in the world,

0:42:07.397,0:42:08.519
some of the best hospitals in the world,

0:42:08.519,0:42:09.833
some of the best medicines in the world.

0:42:09.833,0:42:12.189
Please explain to me why[br]diabetes is on the rise,

0:42:12.189,0:42:13.576
heart disease is on the rise,

0:42:13.576,0:42:15.469
some cancers are on the rise.

0:42:15.469,0:42:18.336
It ain't partially hydrogenated oils.

0:42:18.336,0:42:20.253
Our jobs are killing us

0:42:22.547,0:42:26.714
and the people who are[br]responsible are the leaders.

0:42:28.544,0:42:33.349
We also know that parents[br]who come home stressed out,

0:42:33.349,0:42:36.932
their kids learn that[br]this is what work is,

0:42:37.877,0:42:38.863
that work is something

0:42:38.863,0:42:41.527
that makes you short-tempered and unhappy.

0:42:41.527,0:42:43.537
So they expect it as they grow older.

0:42:43.537,0:42:47.557
Worse, we know that parents[br]who come home upset and angry,

0:42:47.557,0:42:49.414
it has such a negative[br]impact on their children

0:42:49.414,0:42:50.474
that there's some studies

0:42:50.474,0:42:52.998
that show that they might[br]actually become bullies

0:42:52.998,0:42:54.863
because of their unhappy parents

0:42:54.863,0:42:59.030
who hate their jobs and have[br]excessive amounts of stress.

0:42:59.884,0:43:03.134
Our companies are literally killing us.

0:43:05.405,0:43:07.729
So what are you gonna do about it?

0:43:07.729,0:43:10.066
What are you gonna do about it?

0:43:10.066,0:43:11.909
Leadership is not a rank.

0:43:11.909,0:43:13.679
Leadership is not a position.

0:43:13.679,0:43:15.261
Leadership is a decision.

0:43:15.261,0:43:17.054
Leadership is a choice.

0:43:17.054,0:43:19.904
It has nothing to do with your[br]position in the organization.

0:43:19.904,0:43:23.173
If you decide to look after[br]the person to the left of you

0:43:23.173,0:43:25.542
and look after the person[br]to the right of you,

0:43:25.542,0:43:28.419
you have become a leader.

0:43:28.419,0:43:30.043
You've seen the movie 300, right?

0:43:30.043,0:43:31.053
The Spartans.

0:43:31.053,0:43:33.123
The greatest fighting force of all time.

0:43:33.123,0:43:36.358
You wanna know one the things[br]that made the Spartans great?

0:43:36.358,0:43:39.743
It wasn't their muscles,[br]wasn't their spears.

0:43:39.743,0:43:42.081
It was their shields.

0:43:42.081,0:43:44.901
They stood shield to shield[br]and the phalanx was strong

0:43:44.901,0:43:47.011
because those shields were big.

0:43:47.011,0:43:49.283
They were told when they[br]were young children,

0:43:49.283,0:43:50.636
"You either bring your shield home

0:43:50.636,0:43:52.912
"or you come home on your shield."

0:43:52.912,0:43:55.593
The punishment for losing your shield

0:43:55.593,0:43:57.377
was tremendous in battle.

0:43:57.377,0:43:59.291
Because if you lost your shield

0:43:59.291,0:44:01.381
that means you cannot protect[br]the person to the left of you

0:44:01.381,0:44:02.523
and the person to the right of you

0:44:02.523,0:44:05.008
and you have destroyed the phalanx.

0:44:05.008,0:44:09.307
It's the shield that[br]matters, not the spear.

0:44:09.307,0:44:10.793
Not the spear.

0:44:10.793,0:44:12.869
It's your willingness[br]to sacrifice yourself,

0:44:12.869,0:44:16.171
not your life, maybe your[br]credit, maybe your little time,

0:44:16.171,0:44:19.790
maybe a little energy, maybe[br]getting up from your desk

0:44:19.790,0:44:21.377
and talking to somebody for 30 minutes

0:44:21.377,0:44:22.843
instead of sending a three minute email.

0:44:22.843,0:44:25.031
It's your willingness to[br]sacrifice for someone,

0:44:25.031,0:44:28.014
to hold that shield up[br]so that they feel safe

0:44:28.014,0:44:30.014
that makes you a leader.

0:44:31.186,0:44:33.071
You wanna know how you[br]beat a dopamine addiction,

0:44:33.071,0:44:34.953
if you're worried that you're[br]addicted to performance

0:44:34.953,0:44:37.370
and all this dopamine things?

0:44:38.861,0:44:42.114
Alcoholics Anonymous has been[br]highly effective for decades,

0:44:42.114,0:44:44.102
80 something years.

0:44:44.102,0:44:46.481
We all know the first[br]step of the 12 steps.

0:44:46.481,0:44:47.515
We joke about it, right?

0:44:47.515,0:44:49.985
Admit you have a problem.

0:44:49.985,0:44:51.876
Do you know the 12th step?

0:44:51.876,0:44:54.162
Don't say it, it's[br]supposed to be anonymous.

0:44:54.162,0:44:56.823
(audience laughing)

0:44:56.823,0:44:58.550
I'll tell you what the 12th step is.

0:44:58.550,0:45:01.706
Alcoholics Anonymous knows[br]that if you master all 11 steps

0:45:01.706,0:45:04.681
but not the 12th, you will drink again.

0:45:04.681,0:45:08.848
If you master the 12th step[br]you will beat the disease.

0:45:08.848,0:45:10.491
What's the 12th step?

0:45:10.491,0:45:13.730
The 12th step is the commitment[br]to help another alcoholic.

0:45:13.730,0:45:16.063
Service, service to another.

0:45:17.221,0:45:18.900
Oxytocin wins.

0:45:18.900,0:45:20.095
Serotonin wins.

0:45:20.095,0:45:21.856
The more we look after each other,

0:45:21.856,0:45:24.364
the safer we feel, the more[br]we feel like we belong,

0:45:24.364,0:45:26.853
and the more we will work together

0:45:26.853,0:45:29.057
to confront the dangers outside.

0:45:29.057,0:45:33.224
Do this for others and others[br]will become Johnny Bravo.

0:45:34.193,0:45:35.623
Thanks very much.

0:45:35.623,0:45:37.648
(audience applauding)

0:45:37.648,0:45:40.231
(bright music)