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You know Sammy Davis is always singing

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"What kind of fool am I?"

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I'll tell you what kind of fool Sammy is! He asked me to invite Don Rickles here tonight!

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Sammy you asked for him, and you got him!

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Ladies and gentlemen, here's the man whose sense of humour is as twisted as Karl Malden's nose!

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Mr.Don Rickles!

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I wish you wouldn't touch me Sammy! You people rust!

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It's a...it's a wonderful treat to be able to...this wonderful black man...

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Sam I kid you! We know each other a lot of years, really! And I love the black people!

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We need you people! I swear! Because no Jew's going to make up a train!

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My kid, Sammy! You're a black man! Now, took a guess!

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But I think...

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you ain't black, you fell into a bucket of M&Ms, I'll tell you that!

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You and my good friend Freddie Prinze, he's your buddy...and we need the Puerto Rican people!

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I quote the greats...The greats!The words of a great Puerto Rican, Manuel Cortes, who said to me in New York:

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"Do you want a coffee?"

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Look at this! The Puerto Rican and the coloured guy are making plans:" We'll rule the Jew!"

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Now! I kid though! Look at this wonderful day list! Frank Gorshin whose whole life was Burt Lancaster!

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Joey Bishop who passed away and wasn't told about it!

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Wilt Chamberlain, I say from the bottom of my heart! You can move into my neighbourhood anytime you want!

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"Watch out!" Imagine this guy? Standing in front of the..."Hey, hey, hey! Anybody eat those peas? I'll eat them!Eat them pea! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

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I kid you Wilt! And why? 'Cause you can hurt me!

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Now! Now! You gotta know Dean! I'll make you feel at home! Youngstown, Ohio, right?[br]

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What was that town you're coming from?[br]Steubenville? Why? That's better?

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Anyway...Steubenville, Ohio!

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(Imitating factory whistle): Uooooooooo!

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Lunch!

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Now!You can borrow my idol since I'm a kid but now Milton (Berle) I say this from the bottom of my heart:

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Show business and your life, thyself be thee with your new book; love thee nor byself Milton!

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He's old, he understands!

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I've based my whole humour..I'm laughing at bigotry, I'm laughing at Wilt Chamberlain,

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"Ha, ha, ha!" but if you don't laugh back, it's not funny!

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I laugh at the blacks, the whites, the purples....mostly the blacks!

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Remember the words of George Foreman who said after the Muhammad Ali fight: " Was that down?"

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'd pass that Sam? To the black people! Remember the words of a great niggro, Johnson Johns,

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who said in Biloxi, Mississippi on a Saturday night:

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"If the white man and the niggro can't walk in harmony, the people know that the white folk and in harmony with love..."

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(shrugging his shoulders)

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(laughters)

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Man is now in State Hospital.

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We laugh! Why do we laugh? Black and whites...

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(Dean Martin): ..because we must laugh!

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That's right! Look who became the priest!

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No, you're a Catholic and I'm a Jew and Sammy, you are black...I'm sorry!

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Remember the words of a great niggro - I say that honestly! - "All peoples are alike!".

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You live in my neighbourhood, I live in yours! Right, Sam?

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(Sammy Davis Jr.): Right!

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Are you crazy??

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That doesn't matter! It's what is in your heart! Right Sam?

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Be proud! Love! We kiss, we hug!

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Eh...Any black on my lips?

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(Dean Martin): When Sammy met his wife, Altovise, she was a struggling young dancer

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in this night club act! Altovise! Altovise! Couldn't you marry someone with a simpler name like Saphire??

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Ladies and gentleman

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here's a surprise for our "Man of the Hour"...

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I'd like to bring on Sammy's lovely wife, Altavise Davis!

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I've heard almost every word that you people on the day list said about my old man, and all I can say is

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"Right on!"

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You can all kid Sammy but I'll have you know that he is personally creating jobs for a lot of people

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nobody else would hire.

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His tailors!

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Ladies and gentlemen

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Now's the moment that I wait for every night;

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I'd like to present MY Numero Uno, My Mr. Wonderful, my husband,

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Sammy Davis Jr.!

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Thank you!

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I would...first of all, like to thank a man that I love, very, very much for giving me this honour

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Mr. Dean Martin!

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I mean it! I mean that!

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One of the great joys of being forty-five years in this business is to have people who love you

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make fun of you! That is one of the great joys!!

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'Cause the day they don't make fun of you that means they don't give a damn about you!

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I thank you! That's it! Thank you very much!

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Mr. Sammy Davis Jr., ladies and gentlemen!!