WEBVTT 00:00:03.965 --> 00:00:08.539 <Breaking Bad Habits> 00:00:08.539 --> 00:00:14.441 (Questioner) I'm very glad to see you again. Thank you for all the help that you've been 00:00:14.441 --> 00:00:20.249 providing to me and a lot of people. Definitely your wisdom is 00:00:20.249 --> 00:00:31.117 very well accepted. I'm doing pretty good lately and at times I feel a lot of equanimity, 00:00:31.117 --> 00:00:38.626 really a lot of peace but there's always a voice behind like that. 00:00:38.626 --> 00:00:49.170 I'm afraid to go back to my habits and even that I improve a lot 00:00:49.170 --> 00:00:56.754 there are still moments that I fall back and it's with less intensity. 00:00:56.754 --> 00:01:05.896 But there's a certain kind of frustration when that happens, 00:01:05.896 --> 00:01:12.627 the practice has been incredible. How can I explain maybe 00:01:12.627 --> 00:01:22.548 most of my mental afflictions has been at ease a lot? A lot of work definitely is 00:01:22.548 --> 00:01:34.342 by going and reflecting and I feel much better. Now that I'm feeling equanimity, 00:01:34.342 --> 00:01:40.871 I've been possibly a few weeks feeling very good. There's always a nervousness 00:01:40.871 --> 00:01:50.546 that I'm going to fall to my habitual patterns and in some way I think a little negative 00:01:50.546 --> 00:01:58.323 thinking, but it is so difficult to break these habitual patterns. 00:01:58.323 --> 00:02:03.480 Why is it so difficult? Simply simply asking, 00:02:03.480 --> 00:02:15.240 (Sunim) Has your relationship with your daughter improved a lot or 00:02:15.240 --> 00:02:21.980 have you been able to let go of the issues that was hanging over that relationship? 00:02:21.980 --> 00:02:24.150 (Questioner) Yes. 00:02:24.150 --> 00:02:31.160 (Sunim) That's great. Let me ask you a question. 00:02:31.160 --> 00:02:49.456 So what would it be easy? Which one would be easier 00:02:49.456 --> 00:02:56.505 trying something for the first time and succeeding at it or maybe going back to 00:02:56.505 --> 00:03:02.380 something that you have succeeded before and trying it again and succeeding? 00:03:02.380 --> 00:03:11.511 Sometimes it's more difficult to go back and review all these patterns and negative 00:03:11.511 --> 00:03:19.013 stuff. Sometimes it's a little easier but let's call it easier to go through new things. 00:03:19.013 --> 00:03:31.523 But still there's some difficulty in that too but it's a better outcome in some way. Yes 00:03:31.523 --> 00:03:39.950 (Sunim) So, you had to deal with a lot of issues before, right? 00:03:39.950 --> 00:03:50.510 Then you say you've gotten better a lot. You can maintain ecuanimities 00:03:50.510 --> 00:03:53.951 and you went through a lot of practice, effort to get there. 00:03:53.951 --> 00:04:09.460 So even if what you are concerned comes true and you go back to 00:04:09.460 --> 00:04:14.825 what you experienced previously, even so would you be better off knowing 00:04:14.825 --> 00:04:20.190 what you know and having the capacity you do or you'd be just as worse as before. 00:04:20.190 --> 00:04:24.739 (Questioner) I'm better off knowing what I know. Now definitely, 00:04:24.739 --> 00:04:31.294 I'm much better off and in some ways very glad that whatever I did 00:04:31.294 --> 00:04:39.651 to overcome this mental attachments so glad that I went through the work 00:04:39.651 --> 00:04:44.049 because I definitely feel that I'm better off like this. 00:04:44.049 --> 00:05:33.651 The point I'm trying to make you refeel is that you started off at minus 10 00:05:33.651 --> 00:05:39.181 for example and then you worked yourself all the way up to plus 10. 00:05:39.181 --> 00:05:43.836 Even if you relapse, right as you are concerned, you won't relapse all the way 00:05:43.836 --> 00:05:47.531 to minus 10 right you'll relapse maybe to minus 5. 00:05:47.531 --> 00:05:54.927 So, if you stay, if you restart that minus 5, then getting to plus 10 or even 15, 00:05:54.927 --> 00:05:59.052 it is going to be an easier journey. So, what I'm trying to say is that 00:05:59.052 --> 00:06:05.153 even if you relapse that it's not as bad as previously and you have already built 00:06:05.153 --> 00:06:08.942 that capacity to bring yourself back up. So there's no reason 00:06:08.942 --> 00:06:11.411 for you to be concerned 00:06:11.411 --> 00:06:31.458 Obviously you want to be as mindful as possible of yourself. 00:06:31.458 --> 00:06:37.171 You do not relapse to minus 10 or negative regions. But having said that, 00:06:37.171 --> 00:06:41.508 you should not be scared of relapsing because now have proven to yourself 00:06:41.508 --> 00:06:43.325 that you can come back. 00:06:43.325 --> 00:06:50.234 So, I'm saying that you should not be scared. 00:06:50.234 --> 00:06:54.143 First, you won't relapse. 00:06:54.143 --> 00:07:04.610 Even if you do, it's going to be easier for you to come back, so there's no big problem. 00:07:04.610 --> 00:07:15.710 Ultimately what I'm trying to say is that there's nothing there for you to be afraid of. 00:07:15.710 --> 00:07:23.092 (Questioner) Thank you Sunim. I really get the point. 00:07:23.092 --> 00:07:31.883 You are right and positively, there's, I cannot say that it's greediness but definitely 00:07:31.883 --> 00:07:39.928 I understand by experience now that even when I relapse in some kind of a mental 00:07:39.928 --> 00:07:47.581 affliction or attachment to these habitual patterns, the intensity is much more or less. 00:07:47.581 --> 00:07:54.549 I definitely agree with you that from minus stand possibly I work up to 10. 00:07:54.549 --> 00:07:59.456 I agree you are right. I have already experienced that. 00:07:59.456 --> 00:08:03.605 It's good that you mentioned because I do fall but I don't feel 00:08:03.605 --> 00:08:09.619 that I fall that deep anymore. So, it's good to know. Thank you very much. 00:08:09.619 --> 00:08:30.284 (Sunim) The fear comes because you are attached to that state of positivity. 00:08:30.284 --> 00:08:35.187 You should just observe that you are in a good state and you are maintaining 00:08:35.187 --> 00:08:40.110 equanimity in peace of mind instead of being attached to that state. 00:08:40.110 --> 00:08:47.690 Our mind is always dynamic. It's always moving. 00:08:47.690 --> 00:08:55.370 Just because you are in a good state now you can't try to grab onto it. 00:08:55.370 --> 00:09:06.079 All you can do is just observe it as it fluctuates, moves in dynamic ways 00:09:06.079 --> 00:09:20.550 The fear comes from your attachment and desire to hold on to that good state. 00:09:20.550 --> 00:09:31.700 First, you need to do is not to attach yourself to obsess over the current. 00:09:31.700 --> 00:09:40.850 Second, it is for you to realize that even if you go back, 00:09:40.850 --> 00:09:44.660 it's not something for you to be afraid of.