1 00:00:03,965 --> 00:00:08,539 Breaking Bad Habits 2 00:00:08,539 --> 00:00:14,441 (Questioner) I'm very glad to see you again. Thank you for all the help that you've been 3 00:00:14,441 --> 00:00:20,249 providing to me and a lot of people. Definitely your wisdom is 4 00:00:20,249 --> 00:00:31,117 very well accepted. I'm doing pretty good lately and at times I feel a lot of equanimity, 5 00:00:31,117 --> 00:00:38,626 really a lot of peace but there's always a voice behind like that. 6 00:00:38,626 --> 00:00:49,170 I'm afraid to go back to my habits and even that I improve a lot 7 00:00:49,170 --> 00:00:56,754 there are still moments that I fall back and it's with less intensity. 8 00:00:56,754 --> 00:01:05,896 But there's a certain kind of frustration when that happens, 9 00:01:05,896 --> 00:01:12,627 the practice has been incredible. How can I explain maybe 10 00:01:12,627 --> 00:01:22,548 most of my mental afflictions has been at ease a lot? A lot of work definitely is 11 00:01:22,548 --> 00:01:34,342 by going and reflecting and I feel much better. Now that I'm feeling equanimity, 12 00:01:34,342 --> 00:01:40,871 I've been possibly a few weeks feeling very good. There's always a nervousness 13 00:01:40,871 --> 00:01:50,546 that I'm going to fall to my habitual patterns and in some way I think a little negative 14 00:01:50,546 --> 00:01:58,323 thinking, but it is so difficult to break these habitual patterns. 15 00:01:58,323 --> 00:02:03,480 Why is it so difficult? Simply simply asking, 16 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:15,240 (Sunim) Has your relationship with your daughter improved a lot or 17 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:21,980 have you been able to let go of the issues that was hanging over that relationship? 18 00:02:21,980 --> 00:02:24,150 (Questioner) Yes. 19 00:02:24,150 --> 00:02:31,160 (Sunim) That's great. Let me ask you a question. 20 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:49,456 So what would it be easy? Which one would be easier 21 00:02:49,456 --> 00:02:56,505 trying something for the first time and succeeding at it or maybe going back to 22 00:02:56,505 --> 00:03:02,380 something that you have succeeded before and trying it again and succeeding? 23 00:03:02,380 --> 00:03:11,511 Sometimes it's more difficult to go back and review all these patterns and negative 24 00:03:11,511 --> 00:03:19,013 stuff. Sometimes it's a little easier but let's call it easier to go through new things. 25 00:03:19,013 --> 00:03:31,523 But still there's some difficulty in that too but it's a better outcome in some way. Yes 26 00:03:31,523 --> 00:03:39,950 (Sunim) So you had to deal with a lot of issues before, right? 27 00:03:39,950 --> 00:03:50,510 Then you say you've gotten better a lot. You can maintain ecuanimities 28 00:03:50,510 --> 00:03:53,951 and you went through a lot of practice, effort to get there. 29 00:03:53,951 --> 00:04:09,460 So even if what you are concerned comes true and you go back to 30 00:04:09,460 --> 00:04:14,825 what you experienced previously, even so would you be better off knowing 31 00:04:14,825 --> 00:04:20,190 what you know and having the capacity you do or you'd be just as worse as before. 32 00:04:20,190 --> 00:04:44,049 (Questioner) I'm better off knowing what I know. Now definitely I'm much better off you know and in some ways very glad that whatever I did to, to overcome this kind of mental attachments so glad that I went through the work because I definitely feel that I'm better off like this. 33 00:05:29,000 --> 00:06:01,195 So basically the point I'm trying to make Rafeel is that you started off at minus 10 for example and then you worked yourself all the way up to plus 10 and even if you relapse, right as you are concerned, you won't relapse all the way to minus 10 right you'll relapse maybe to minus five. So if you stay, you know, if you restart that minus 5, then getting to plus 10 or even 15, it is going to be an easier journey. So what I'm trying to say is that even if you relapse 34 00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:10,675 that it's not as bad as previously and you have already built that capacity to bring yourself back up. So there's no reason for you to be concerned 35 00:06:10,675 --> 00:06:12,400 you got any new car. 36 00:06:27,580 --> 00:06:42,885 So obviously you want to be as mindful as possible of yourself. So you do not relapse to minus 10 or negative regions. But having said that, you should not be scared of relapsing because now you know, have proven to yourself that you can come back. 37 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:54,143 So I'm saying that you should not be scared one you won't relax 38 00:06:59,195 --> 00:07:04,610 and even if you do, it's going to be easier for you to come back. So there's no big problem. 39 00:07:10,544 --> 00:07:15,710 So ultimately what I'm trying to say is that there's nothing there for you to be afraid of. 40 00:07:19,799 --> 00:07:56,079 Thank you Sonim. I really get the point. You are right and positively, you know, there's, I cannot say that it's greediness but definitely I understand by experience now that even when I relapse in some kind of a mental affliction or attachment to some of these habitual patterns, the intensity is much more or less. And I definitely agree with you that from minus stand possibly I work up to 10 and I, 41 00:07:56,079 --> 00:08:09,619 I agree you are right I experiencing that already. It's good that you mentioned because I do fall but I don't feel that I fall that deep anymore. So it's good to know. Thank you very much. 42 00:08:24,825 --> 00:08:40,110 So the fear comes because you are attached to that state of positivity. You should just observe that you are in a good state and you are maintaining equanimity in peace of mind instead of being attached to that state 43 00:08:44,595 --> 00:08:47,690 because our mind is always dynamic it's always moving 44 00:08:51,079 --> 00:08:55,370 and just because you are in a good state now you can't try to grab onto it 45 00:08:59,079 --> 00:09:06,079 all you can do is just observe it as it fluctuates it moves in dynamic ways 46 00:09:13,464 --> 00:09:20,550 and the fear comes from your attachment and your desire to hold on to that good state. 47 00:09:24,470 --> 00:09:31,240 The first thing you need to do is not attach yourself to obsess over the current of 48 00:09:37,704 --> 00:09:42,630 and second, it is for you to realize that even if you go back, it's not something for you to be afraid of.