WEBVTT 00:00:04.385 --> 00:00:09.489 <Breaking Bad Habits> 00:00:09.489 --> 00:00:12.251 (Questioner) I'm very glad to see you again. 00:00:12.251 --> 00:00:18.827 Thank you for all the help you've provided for me and a lot of people. 00:00:18.827 --> 00:00:22.459 Definitely, your wisdom is very much appreciated and accepted. 00:00:22.459 --> 00:00:31.614 I'm doing pretty good lately and, at times, feel a lot of equanimity. 00:00:31.614 --> 00:00:38.626 While there is a lot of peace of mind, there's always a nagging voice in the background. 00:00:38.626 --> 00:00:45.222 I'm afraid to go back to my old habits. 00:00:45.222 --> 00:01:00.114 Even though I've improved a lot, there are moments I still fall back, 00:01:00.114 --> 00:01:05.896 and I feel frustrated when that happens. 00:01:05.896 --> 00:01:22.579 Practice has been incredible in easing most of my mental afflictions 00:01:22.579 --> 00:01:28.418 through a lot of reflection, and I feel much better. 00:01:28.418 --> 00:01:37.332 But now that I've been feeling this equanimity for a few weeks 00:01:37.332 --> 00:01:38.791 and feeling very good, 00:01:38.791 --> 00:01:45.314 there's always a nervousness that I'll fall back into my habitual patterns. 00:01:45.314 --> 00:01:52.934 In a way, that's a negative thinking. 00:01:52.934 --> 00:01:58.494 It's very difficult to break these habitual patterns. 00:01:58.494 --> 00:02:04.490 Why is it so difficult? 00:02:04.490 --> 00:02:15.430 (Sunim) Has your relationship with your daughter improved a lot, or 00:02:15.430 --> 00:02:22.480 have you been able to let go of the issues that were hanging over that relationship? 00:02:22.480 --> 00:02:24.280 (Questioner) Yes. 00:02:24.280 --> 00:02:31.650 (Sunim) That's great. Let me ask you a question. 00:02:31.650 --> 00:02:53.345 Which one is more likely to succeed: trying something for the first time, 00:02:53.345 --> 00:03:02.640 or trying what you have succeeded previously and going at it again? 00:03:02.640 --> 00:03:12.091 (Questioner) Sometimes it's more difficult to go back and review all these patterns. 00:03:12.091 --> 00:03:15.627 Sometimes it's a little easier. 00:03:15.627 --> 00:03:19.163 But let's say it's easier to go through new things. 00:03:19.163 --> 00:03:31.833 Still there's some difficulty in that too, but it gives a better outcome in some way. 00:03:31.833 --> 00:03:40.453 (Sunim) You've experienced some tough times in your life. 00:03:40.453 --> 00:03:50.090 And you said you have gotten a lot better and can maintain equanimity, 00:03:50.090 --> 00:03:54.675 having gone through a lot of practice and putting in a lot of effort to get there. 00:03:54.675 --> 00:04:11.720 Even if your concern comes true and you revert back, 00:04:11.720 --> 00:04:15.675 would you be a little better than before, knowing what you know 00:04:15.675 --> 00:04:21.260 and having the capacity that you do, or would you be just as bad as before? 00:04:21.260 --> 00:04:26.672 (Questioner) I'll be definitely better off knowing what I know now, much better. 00:04:26.672 --> 00:04:37.456 And, in some ways, I'm very glad to have overcome my mental attachment. 00:04:37.456 --> 00:04:39.931 I am so glad that I went through the work 00:04:39.931 --> 00:04:47.489 because I definitely feel that I'm better off like this. 00:04:47.489 --> 00:05:35.163 (Sunim) The point I'm trying to make is that, let's say you started off at minus 10. 00:05:35.163 --> 00:05:39.051 Then you worked yourself all the way up to plus 10. 00:05:39.051 --> 00:05:45.266 Even if you relapse as you are concerned, you won't relapse all the way to minus 10. 00:05:45.266 --> 00:05:51.497 You'll relapse maybe to minus 5, and if you restart at minus 5, 00:05:51.497 --> 00:05:57.492 getting to plus 10 or even 15 will be much easier than the first time. 00:05:57.492 --> 00:06:01.322 What I'm trying to say is that, even if you relapse, 00:06:01.322 --> 00:06:05.363 it's not as bad as before, and you have already built up 00:06:05.363 --> 00:06:07.963 the capacity to bring yourself back up. 00:06:07.963 --> 00:06:11.181 So, there's no reason for you to be concerned. 00:06:11.181 --> 00:06:31.478 You need to practice being awake as much as possible in order to not relapse. 00:06:31.478 --> 00:06:34.746 But you do not need to be scared of relapsing 00:06:34.746 --> 00:06:38.205 because it'll be much easier to find equanimity again, 00:06:38.205 --> 00:06:41.595 even if you relapse and fall back into your old pattern. 00:06:41.595 --> 00:06:43.235 You can just try again. 00:06:43.235 --> 00:06:50.234 I'm saying that you should not be scared of relapsing. 00:06:50.234 --> 00:06:54.663 First, you won't relapse. 00:06:54.663 --> 00:07:03.173 Second, even if you do, it's going to be easier for you to come back, 00:07:03.173 --> 00:07:04.953 so there's no big problem. 00:07:04.953 --> 00:07:20.290 Ultimately what I'm trying to say is that there's nothing for you to be afraid of. 00:07:20.290 --> 00:07:24.742 (Questioner) Thank you, Sunim. You're right, and I really get your point. 00:07:24.742 --> 00:07:34.533 I cannot say that it's greed, but I definitely understand from experience now 00:07:34.533 --> 00:07:40.558 that even when I relapse into some kind of a mental affliction 00:07:40.558 --> 00:07:47.581 or attachment to these habitual patterns, their intensity is much less by far. 00:07:47.581 --> 00:07:55.099 I definitely agree with you that from minus 10, possibly I work up to 10. 00:07:55.099 --> 00:07:59.236 I agree. You are right. I have already experienced that. 00:07:59.236 --> 00:08:02.625 It's good that you mentioned because I do fall, 00:08:02.625 --> 00:08:06.383 but I don't feel that I fall that deep anymore. 00:08:06.383 --> 00:08:10.649 It's good to know. Thank you very much. 00:08:10.649 --> 00:08:30.814 (Sunim) The fear comes because you are attached to that state of positivity. 00:08:30.814 --> 00:08:34.796 You should just observe that you are in a good state and 00:08:34.796 --> 00:08:40.760 maintaining equanimity and peace of mind instead of being attached to that state. 00:08:40.760 --> 00:08:47.830 Our mind is always dynamic. It's constantly moving. 00:08:47.830 --> 00:08:55.370 Just because you are in a good state now, you can't try to grab onto it. 00:08:55.370 --> 00:09:06.339 All you can do is just observe it as it fluctuates and moves in dynamic ways. 00:09:06.339 --> 00:09:20.720 The fear comes from your attachment and desire to hold on to that good state. 00:09:20.720 --> 00:09:31.700 First, you need to not attach yourself to or obsess over the current state. 00:09:31.700 --> 00:09:40.850 Second, it is for you to realize that, even if you go back, 00:09:40.850 --> 00:09:45.080 it's not something for you to be afraid of.