1 00:00:04,385 --> 00:00:09,489 2 00:00:09,489 --> 00:00:12,251 (Questioner) I'm very glad to see you again. 3 00:00:12,251 --> 00:00:18,827 Thank you for all the help you've provided for me and a lot of people. 4 00:00:18,827 --> 00:00:22,459 Definitely, your wisdom is very much appreciated and accepted. 5 00:00:22,459 --> 00:00:31,614 I'm doing pretty good lately and, at times, feel a lot of equanimity. 6 00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:38,626 While there is a lot of peace of mind, there's always a nagging voice in the background. 7 00:00:38,626 --> 00:00:45,222 I'm afraid to go back to my old habits. 8 00:00:45,222 --> 00:01:00,114 Even though I've improved a lot, there are moments I still fall back, 9 00:01:00,114 --> 00:01:05,896 and I feel frustrated when that happens. 10 00:01:05,896 --> 00:01:22,579 Practice has been incredible in easing most of my mental afflictions 11 00:01:22,579 --> 00:01:28,418 through a lot of reflection, and I feel much better. 12 00:01:28,418 --> 00:01:37,332 But now that I've been feeling this equanimity for a few weeks 13 00:01:37,332 --> 00:01:38,791 and feeling very good, 14 00:01:38,791 --> 00:01:45,314 there's always a nervousness that I'll fall back into my habitual patterns. 15 00:01:45,314 --> 00:01:52,934 In a way, that's a negative thinking. 16 00:01:52,934 --> 00:01:58,494 It's very difficult to break these habitual patterns. 17 00:01:58,494 --> 00:02:04,490 Why is it so difficult? 18 00:02:04,490 --> 00:02:15,430 (Sunim) Has your relationship with your daughter improved a lot, or 19 00:02:15,430 --> 00:02:22,480 have you been able to let go of the issues that were hanging over that relationship? 20 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:24,280 (Questioner) Yes. 21 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:31,650 (Sunim) That's great. Let me ask you a question. 22 00:02:31,650 --> 00:02:53,345 Which one is more likely to succeed: trying something for the first time, 23 00:02:53,345 --> 00:03:02,640 or trying what you have succeeded previously and going at it again? 24 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:12,091 (Questioner) Sometimes it's more difficult to go back and review all these patterns. 25 00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:15,627 Sometimes it's a little easier. 26 00:03:15,627 --> 00:03:19,163 But let's say it's easier to go through new things. 27 00:03:19,163 --> 00:03:31,833 Still there's some difficulty in that too, but it gives a better outcome in some way. 28 00:03:31,833 --> 00:03:40,453 (Sunim) You've experienced some tough times in your life. 29 00:03:40,453 --> 00:03:50,090 And you said you have gotten a lot better and can maintain equanimity, 30 00:03:50,090 --> 00:03:54,675 having gone through a lot of practice and putting in a lot of effort to get there. 31 00:03:54,675 --> 00:04:11,720 Even if your concern comes true and you revert back, 32 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:15,675 would you be a little better than before, knowing what you know 33 00:04:15,675 --> 00:04:21,260 and having the capacity that you do, or would you be just as bad as before? 34 00:04:21,260 --> 00:04:26,672 (Questioner) I'll be definitely better off knowing what I know now, much better. 35 00:04:26,672 --> 00:04:37,456 And, in some ways, I'm very glad to have overcome my mental attachment. 36 00:04:37,456 --> 00:04:39,931 I am so glad that I went through the work 37 00:04:39,931 --> 00:04:47,489 because I definitely feel that I'm better off like this. 38 00:04:47,489 --> 00:05:35,163 (Sunim) The point I'm trying to make is that, let's say you started off at minus 10. 39 00:05:35,163 --> 00:05:39,051 Then you worked yourself all the way up to plus 10. 40 00:05:39,051 --> 00:05:45,266 Even if you relapse as you are concerned, you won't relapse all the way to minus 10. 41 00:05:45,266 --> 00:05:51,497 You'll relapse maybe to minus 5, and if you restart at minus 5, 42 00:05:51,497 --> 00:05:57,492 getting to plus 10 or even 15 will be much easier than the first time. 43 00:05:57,492 --> 00:06:01,322 What I'm trying to say is that, even if you relapse, 44 00:06:01,322 --> 00:06:05,363 it's not as bad as before, and you have already built up 45 00:06:05,363 --> 00:06:07,963 the capacity to bring yourself back up. 46 00:06:07,963 --> 00:06:11,181 So, there's no reason for you to be concerned. 47 00:06:11,181 --> 00:06:31,478 You need to practice being awake as much as possible in order to not relapse. 48 00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:34,746 But you do not need to be scared of relapsing 49 00:06:34,746 --> 00:06:38,205 because it'll be much easier to find equanimity again, 50 00:06:38,205 --> 00:06:41,595 even if you relapse and fall back into your old pattern. 51 00:06:41,595 --> 00:06:43,235 You can just try again. 52 00:06:43,235 --> 00:06:50,234 I'm saying that you should not be scared of relapsing. 53 00:06:50,234 --> 00:06:54,663 First, you won't relapse. 54 00:06:54,663 --> 00:07:03,173 Second, even if you do, it's going to be easier for you to come back, 55 00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:04,953 so there's no big problem. 56 00:07:04,953 --> 00:07:20,290 Ultimately what I'm trying to say is that there's nothing for you to be afraid of. 57 00:07:20,290 --> 00:07:24,742 (Questioner) Thank you, Sunim. You're right, and I really get your point. 58 00:07:24,742 --> 00:07:34,533 I cannot say that it's greed, but I definitely understand from experience now 59 00:07:34,533 --> 00:07:40,558 that even when I relapse into some kind of a mental affliction 60 00:07:40,558 --> 00:07:47,581 or attachment to these habitual patterns, their intensity is much less by far. 61 00:07:47,581 --> 00:07:55,099 I definitely agree with you that from minus 10, possibly I work up to 10. 62 00:07:55,099 --> 00:07:59,236 I agree. You are right. I have already experienced that. 63 00:07:59,236 --> 00:08:02,625 It's good that you mentioned because I do fall, 64 00:08:02,625 --> 00:08:06,383 but I don't feel that I fall that deep anymore. 65 00:08:06,383 --> 00:08:10,649 It's good to know. Thank you very much. 66 00:08:10,649 --> 00:08:30,814 (Sunim) The fear comes because you are attached to that state of positivity. 67 00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:34,796 You should just observe that you are in a good state and 68 00:08:34,796 --> 00:08:40,760 maintaining equanimity and peace of mind instead of being attached to that state. 69 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:47,830 Our mind is always dynamic. It's constantly moving. 70 00:08:47,830 --> 00:08:55,370 Just because you are in a good state now, you can't try to grab onto it. 71 00:08:55,370 --> 00:09:06,339 All you can do is just observe it as it fluctuates and moves in dynamic ways. 72 00:09:06,339 --> 00:09:20,720 The fear comes from your attachment and desire to hold on to that good state. 73 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:31,700 First, you need to not attach yourself to or obsess over the current state. 74 00:09:31,700 --> 00:09:40,850 Second, it is for you to realize that, even if you go back, 75 00:09:40,850 --> 00:09:45,080 it's not something for you to be afraid of.