WEBVTT 00:00:04.385 --> 00:00:09.489 <Breaking Bad Habits> 00:00:09.489 --> 00:00:12.251 (Questioner) I'm very glad to see you again. 00:00:12.251 --> 00:00:18.827 Thank you for all the help you've provided for me and a lot of people. 00:00:18.827 --> 00:00:22.459 Definitely, your wisdom is very much appreciated and accepted. 00:00:22.459 --> 00:00:31.614 I'm doing pretty good lately and, at times, feel a lot of equanimity. 00:00:31.614 --> 00:00:38.626 While there is a lot of peace of mind, there's always a nagging voice in the background. 00:00:38.626 --> 00:00:45.222 I'm afraid to go back to my old habits. 00:00:45.222 --> 00:01:00.114 Even though I've improved a lot, there are moments I still fall back, 00:01:00.114 --> 00:01:05.896 and I feel frustrated when that happens. 00:01:05.896 --> 00:01:22.579 Practice has been incredible in easing most of my mental afflictions 00:01:22.579 --> 00:01:28.418 through a lot of reflection, and I feel much better. 00:01:28.418 --> 00:01:37.332 But now that I've been feeling this equanimity for a few weeks 00:01:37.332 --> 00:01:38.791 and feeling very good, 00:01:38.791 --> 00:01:45.314 there's always a nervousness that I'll fall back into my habitual patterns. 00:01:45.314 --> 00:01:52.934 In a way, that's a negative thinking. 00:01:52.934 --> 00:01:58.494 It's very difficult to break these habitual patterns. 00:01:58.494 --> 00:02:04.490 Why is it so difficult? 00:02:04.490 --> 00:02:15.430 (Sunim) Has your relationship with your daughter improved a lot, or 00:02:15.430 --> 00:02:22.480 have you been able to let go of the issues that were hanging over that relationship? 00:02:22.480 --> 00:02:24.280 (Questioner) Yes. 00:02:24.280 --> 00:02:31.650 (Sunim) That's great. Let me ask you a question. 00:02:31.650 --> 00:02:53.345 Which one is more likely to succeed: trying something for the first time, 00:02:53.345 --> 00:03:02.640 or trying what you have succeeded previously and going at it again? 00:03:02.640 --> 00:03:12.091 (Questioner) Sometimes it's more difficult to go back and review all these patterns. 00:03:12.091 --> 00:03:15.627 Sometimes it's a little easier. 00:03:15.627 --> 00:03:19.163 But let's say it's easier to go through new things. 00:03:19.163 --> 00:03:31.833 Still there's some difficulty in that too, but it gives a better outcome in some way. 00:03:31.833 --> 00:03:40.453 (Sunim) You've experienced some tough times in your life. 00:03:40.453 --> 00:03:50.090 And you said you have gotten a lot better and can maintain equanimity, 00:03:50.090 --> 00:03:54.675 having gone through a lot of practice and putting in a lot of efforts to get there. 00:03:54.675 --> 00:04:11.720 Even if your concern comes true and you revert back, 00:04:11.720 --> 00:04:15.675 would you be a little better than before, knowing what you know 00:04:15.675 --> 00:04:21.260 and having the capacity that you do, or would you be just as bad as before? 00:04:21.260 --> 00:04:26.442 (Questioner) I'll be definitely better off knowing what I know now, much better. 00:04:26.442 --> 00:04:29.241 And in many ways, I'm very glad to have overcome my mental attachments; ery glad that whatever I needed to overcome - my mental attachements Through everything I did to overcome my mental attachments, 00:04:29.241 --> 00:04:37.444 I'm much better off in many ways. I'm much better off now. 00:04:37.444 --> 00:04:39.651 I am so glad that I went through the work 00:04:39.651 --> 00:04:46.989 because I definitely think I am in a better place. 00:04:46.989 --> 00:05:33.651 (Sunim) Let's say you started off at minus 10, 00:05:33.651 --> 00:05:39.181 then you worked yourself all the way up to plus 10. 00:05:39.181 --> 00:05:45.266 Even if you relapse, as you are concerned, you won't relapse all the way to minus 10, 00:05:45.266 --> 00:05:52.347 you'll relapse maybe to minus 5, but your starting point is now at minus 5. 00:05:52.347 --> 00:05:57.492 Getting to plus 10 or 15 from that point will be much easier than the first time. 00:05:57.492 --> 00:06:01.122 So, what I'm trying to say is that even if you relapse, 00:06:01.122 --> 00:06:05.363 the intensity is not as bad as before, and you have already built up 00:06:05.363 --> 00:06:08.023 the capacity to bring yourself back up. 00:06:08.023 --> 00:06:11.411 So there's no reason for you to be concerned. 00:06:11.411 --> 00:06:32.228 You need to practice being awake as much as possible in order to not relapse, 00:06:32.228 --> 00:06:37.171 but you do not need to worry about falling all the way back to the beginning. 00:06:37.171 --> 00:06:43.325 It will be much easier to get back up as you now have the capacity. 00:06:43.325 --> 00:06:50.234 So, I'm saying that you should not be scared. 00:06:50.234 --> 00:06:54.433 First, you won't relapse. 00:06:54.433 --> 00:06:59.013 Second, even if you do, it's going to be easier for you to come back. 00:06:59.013 --> 00:07:05.203 You'll do well, there's no need for worries. 00:07:05.203 --> 00:07:15.710 Ultimately what I'm trying to say is that there's nothing there for you to be afraid of. 00:07:15.710 --> 00:07:23.092 (Questioner) Thank you. You're right and I really get your point. 00:07:23.092 --> 00:07:31.883 I cannot say it's greed, but definitely understand now 00:07:31.883 --> 00:07:41.288 that even when I relapse to some kind of a mental affliction 00:07:41.288 --> 00:07:47.581 or attachment to these habitual patterns, their intensity is much less by far. 00:07:47.581 --> 00:07:54.549 I definitely agree with you that from a minus position, possibly I work up to 10. 00:07:54.549 --> 00:07:59.456 I agree, you are right. I have already experienced that. 00:07:59.456 --> 00:08:03.605 It's good that you mentioned because I do fall but I don't feel 00:08:03.605 --> 00:08:07.299 that I fall that deep anymore. 00:08:07.299 --> 00:08:09.619 It's good to know. Thank you very much. 00:08:09.619 --> 00:08:30.284 (Sunim) The fear comes because you are attached to the current state of positivity. 00:08:30.284 --> 00:08:35.726 You should just observe that you are in a good state and you are maintaining 00:08:35.726 --> 00:08:40.110 equanimity and peace of mind instead of being attached to that state. 00:08:40.110 --> 00:08:47.690 Our mind is always dynamic, it's constantly moving. 00:08:47.690 --> 00:08:55.370 Just because you are in a good state now, you can't try to grab onto it. 00:08:55.370 --> 00:09:06.079 All you can do is just observe it as it fluctuates and moves in dynamic ways 00:09:06.079 --> 00:09:20.550 The fear comes from your attachment and desire to hold on to that good state. 00:09:20.550 --> 00:09:31.700 First, you need to avoid attaching yourself to or obsessing over the current state. 00:09:31.700 --> 00:09:40.850 Second, it is for you to realize that even if you go back, 00:09:40.850 --> 00:09:43.850 it's not something for you to be afraid of.