1 00:00:04,385 --> 00:00:09,489 2 00:00:09,489 --> 00:00:12,251 (Questioner) I'm very glad to see you again. 3 00:00:12,251 --> 00:00:18,827 Thank you for all the help you've provided for me and a lot of people. 4 00:00:18,827 --> 00:00:22,459 Definitely, your wisdom is very much appreciated and accepted. 5 00:00:22,459 --> 00:00:31,614 I'm doing pretty good lately and, at times, feel a lot of equanimity. 6 00:00:31,614 --> 00:00:38,626 While there is a lot of peace of mind, there's always a nagging voice in the background. 7 00:00:38,626 --> 00:00:45,222 I'm afraid to go back to my old habits. 8 00:00:45,222 --> 00:01:00,114 Even though I've improved a lot, there are moments I still fall back, 9 00:01:00,114 --> 00:01:05,896 and I feel frustrated when that happens. 10 00:01:05,896 --> 00:01:22,579 Practice has been incredible in easing most of my mental afflictions 11 00:01:22,579 --> 00:01:28,418 through a lot of reflection, and I feel much better. 12 00:01:28,418 --> 00:01:37,332 But now that I've been feeling this equanimity for a few weeks 13 00:01:37,332 --> 00:01:38,791 and feeling very good, 14 00:01:38,791 --> 00:01:45,314 there's always a nervousness that I'll fall back into my habitual patterns. 15 00:01:45,314 --> 00:01:52,934 In a way, that's a negative thinking. 16 00:01:52,934 --> 00:01:58,494 It's very difficult to break these habitual patterns. 17 00:01:58,494 --> 00:02:04,490 Why is it so difficult? 18 00:02:04,490 --> 00:02:15,430 (Sunim) Has your relationship with your daughter improved a lot, or 19 00:02:15,430 --> 00:02:22,480 have you been able to let go of the issues that were hanging over that relationship? 20 00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:24,280 (Questioner) Yes. 21 00:02:24,280 --> 00:02:31,650 (Sunim) That's great. Let me ask you a question. 22 00:02:31,650 --> 00:02:53,345 Which one is more likely to succeed: trying something for the first time, 23 00:02:53,345 --> 00:03:02,640 or trying what you have succeeded previously and going at it again? 24 00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:12,091 (Questioner) Sometimes it's more difficult to go back and review all these patterns. 25 00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:15,627 Sometimes it's a little easier. 26 00:03:15,627 --> 00:03:19,163 But let's say it's easier to go through new things. 27 00:03:19,163 --> 00:03:31,833 Still there's some difficulty in that too, but it gives a better outcome in some way. 28 00:03:31,833 --> 00:03:40,453 (Sunim) You've experienced some tough times in your life. 29 00:03:40,453 --> 00:03:50,510 Nevertheless, you have applied yourself to practice 30 00:03:50,510 --> 00:03:54,675 and came to a place where you have a peace of mind. 31 00:03:54,675 --> 00:04:11,870 You mentioned that you're still worried about reverting back. 32 00:04:11,870 --> 00:04:17,425 Even if you do go back to your old habits, would it be as severe as it once had been 33 00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:20,190 or would be a little better than what it used to be? 34 00:04:20,190 --> 00:04:24,739 (Questioner) I'll be definitely better knowing what I now know. 35 00:04:24,739 --> 00:04:29,241 Through everything I did to overcome my mental attachments, 36 00:04:29,241 --> 00:04:37,444 I'm much better off in many ways. 37 00:04:37,444 --> 00:04:39,651 I am so glad that I went through the work 38 00:04:39,651 --> 00:04:46,989 because I definitely think I am in a better place. 39 00:04:46,989 --> 00:05:33,651 (Sunim) Let's say you started off at minus 10, 40 00:05:33,651 --> 00:05:39,181 then you worked yourself all the way up to plus 10. 41 00:05:39,181 --> 00:05:45,266 Even if you relapse, as you are concerned, you won't relapse all the way to minus 10, 42 00:05:45,266 --> 00:05:52,347 you'll relapse maybe to minus 5, but your starting point is now at minus 5. 43 00:05:52,347 --> 00:05:57,492 Getting to plus 10 or 15 from that point will be much easier than the first time. 44 00:05:57,492 --> 00:06:01,122 So, what I'm trying to say is that even if you relapse, 45 00:06:01,122 --> 00:06:05,363 the intensity is not as bad as before, and you have already built up 46 00:06:05,363 --> 00:06:08,023 the capacity to bring yourself back up. 47 00:06:08,023 --> 00:06:11,411 So there's no reason for you to be concerned. 48 00:06:11,411 --> 00:06:32,228 You need to practice being awake as much as possible in order to not relapse, 49 00:06:32,228 --> 00:06:37,171 but you do not need to worry about falling all the way back to the beginning. 50 00:06:37,171 --> 00:06:43,325 It will be much easier to get back up as you now have the capacity. 51 00:06:43,325 --> 00:06:50,234 So, I'm saying that you should not be scared. 52 00:06:50,234 --> 00:06:54,433 First, you won't relapse. 53 00:06:54,433 --> 00:06:59,013 Second, even if you do, it's going to be easier for you to come back. 54 00:06:59,013 --> 00:07:05,203 You'll do well, there's no need for worries. 55 00:07:05,203 --> 00:07:15,710 Ultimately what I'm trying to say is that there's nothing there for you to be afraid of. 56 00:07:15,710 --> 00:07:23,092 (Questioner) Thank you. You're right and I really get your point. 57 00:07:23,092 --> 00:07:31,883 I cannot say it's greed, but definitely understand now 58 00:07:31,883 --> 00:07:41,288 that even when I relapse to some kind of a mental affliction 59 00:07:41,288 --> 00:07:47,581 or attachment to these habitual patterns, their intensity is much less by far. 60 00:07:47,581 --> 00:07:54,549 I definitely agree with you that from a minus position, possibly I work up to 10. 61 00:07:54,549 --> 00:07:59,456 I agree, you are right. I have already experienced that. 62 00:07:59,456 --> 00:08:03,605 It's good that you mentioned because I do fall but I don't feel 63 00:08:03,605 --> 00:08:07,299 that I fall that deep anymore. 64 00:08:07,299 --> 00:08:09,619 It's good to know. Thank you very much. 65 00:08:09,619 --> 00:08:30,284 (Sunim) The fear comes because you are attached to the current state of positivity. 66 00:08:30,284 --> 00:08:35,726 You should just observe that you are in a good state and you are maintaining 67 00:08:35,726 --> 00:08:40,110 equanimity and peace of mind instead of being attached to that state. 68 00:08:40,110 --> 00:08:47,690 Our mind is always dynamic, it's constantly moving. 69 00:08:47,690 --> 00:08:55,370 Just because you are in a good state now, you can't try to grab onto it. 70 00:08:55,370 --> 00:09:06,079 All you can do is just observe it as it fluctuates and moves in dynamic ways 71 00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:20,550 The fear comes from your attachment and desire to hold on to that good state. 72 00:09:20,550 --> 00:09:31,700 First, you need to avoid attaching yourself to or obsessing over the current state. 73 00:09:31,700 --> 00:09:40,850 Second, it is for you to realize that even if you go back, 74 00:09:40,850 --> 00:09:43,850 it's not something for you to be afraid of.