By a show of hands,
how many of you are pet lovers?

How many of you are dog lovers?

(Cheers)

How many of you have had
a hard and frustrating day at the job

and couldn't wait to get home?

(Laughter)

Putting your key in the door,

you are greeted by your best friend

with loving eyes
and a quizzical tilt of the head

to discern your mood.

Once your friend has determined
that you need cheering up,

his tongue comes out,
he jumps up and down

and wags his tail,
signaling that you are loved

no matter what kind of day you've had.

I'm not allowed to have a dog.

Can you keep a secret?

(Laughter)

I have a dog.

(Laughter)

After a hard and frustrating day
at my program assignment,

I head back to the cell.

The gate is cracked,

and there my best friend is.

(Panting)

Down boy.

(Laughter)

(Applause)

How many of you believe

that global warming
is affecting our environment?

What if climate change is more personal

than we imagined?

Ponder this.

With the summers getting
hotter and hotter,

everyone is trying to find
ways to cool off.

Some of us retreat to beaches;

some of us retreat to backyard pools.

Most urban kids turn on fire hydrants.

When my blood begins to simmer,

and my body rages,

my temperature reaches
a level of Farenheit 451.

My fight and flight response
is stuck on fight.

I retreat to the pond in my cell,

where the water is serene

and clear as a bell.

There are frogs on lily pads

and cattails swaying in the breeze.

Fish playing tag,

and tadpoles playing leapfrog.

The sun is shining.

The birds are chirping.

Squirrels are playing,

and butterflies are flirting.

And there's a duck.

Quack, quack, quack,
quack, quack, quack, quack.

Oh yeah.

And my dog is over there
sunning himself.

(Laughter)

Instead of plunging in,

I stick my toe in.

Ooh la la, that's cold.

(Laughter)

So, I wade in.

Through the use of imagination,
acting, and yoga,

and qi gong,

I've found a way to recover

from the traumatic experience
that is prison.

Thank you.

(Applause) (Cheers)