(Hail to the Chief by James Sanderson)
- Good evening my fellow Americans.
Now, before I begin, I just want to say
that I know a lot of people out there
seem to think that I don't get angry.
That's just not true.
I get angry a lot.
It's just the way I express passion
is different from most.
So, just so there's no more confusion,
we've hired Luther here to be my anger translator.
Luther.
- Hi.
- First off, concerning the recent developments
in the Middle Eastern region, I just want to reiterate
our unflinching support for all people
and their right to a democratic process.
- Hey, all y'all dictators out there,
keep messing around and see what happens.
Just see what happens.
Watch.
- Also, to the goverments of Iran and North Korea,
we once again urge you to discontinue your
uranium enrichment programs.
- Hey, Machmud, Kim Jong, I think I already
done told both y'all 86 your shit, bitches.
Or I'm going to come over there
and do it for y'all!
Please test me and see what happens.
- On the domestic front, I just want to say
to my critics, I hear your voices
and I'm aware of your concerns.
- So maybe if you could chill the hell out
for like a second, then maybe I could focus
on some shit, you know?
- That goes for everybody.
Including members of the Tea Party.
- Oh don't even get me started on these
motherfuckers right here.
- I want to assure you that we will be looking
for new compromises with the GOP
in the months ahead.
- And you know these motherfuckers
are going to say no before I even suggest some shit.
- I know a lot of folks say that I haven't
done a good job at communicating my accomplishments
to the public.
- Because y'all motherfuckers don't listen!
- Since being in office, we've created three million
new jobs.
- Three million new jobs!
- We ended the war in Iraq.
- Ended the war, y'all.
We ended a war.
Remember that?
- These achievements should serve as a reminder
that I am on your side.
- I am not a Muslim.
- And that my intentions as your president
are coming from the right place.
- They coming from Hawaii which is where I'm from
which is in the United States of America, y'all.
Okay?
This is ridiculous.
I have a birth certificate.
I have a hot diggity daggety mama-say
mama-sa birth certificate you dumb ass crackers!
- Okay, Luther, rope it in.
- Dial it back, Luther, damn.
- In conclusion, last night I had a conversation
with Michelle.
- I says, "Bitch."
- Nope, I did not say that.
I did not say that.
- I did not say that.