1 00:00:00,935 --> 00:00:05,072 (Hail to the Chief by James Sanderson) 2 00:00:05,105 --> 00:00:07,107 - Good evening my fellow Americans. 3 00:00:07,136 --> 00:00:09,747 Now, before I begin, I just want to say 4 00:00:09,776 --> 00:00:11,245 that I know a lot of people out there 5 00:00:11,278 --> 00:00:13,981 seem to think that I don't get angry. 6 00:00:14,014 --> 00:00:15,949 That's just not true. 7 00:00:15,983 --> 00:00:17,885 I get angry a lot. 8 00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:20,354 It's just the way I express passion 9 00:00:20,387 --> 00:00:22,924 is different from most. 10 00:00:23,049 --> 00:00:25,459 So, just so there's no more confusion, 11 00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:28,079 we've hired Luther here to be my anger translator. 12 00:00:28,095 --> 00:00:28,829 Luther. 13 00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,023 - Hi. 14 00:00:30,023 --> 00:00:32,053 - First off, concerning the recent developments 15 00:00:32,053 --> 00:00:34,801 in the Middle Eastern region, I just want to reiterate 16 00:00:34,835 --> 00:00:37,070 our unflinching support for all people 17 00:00:37,104 --> 00:00:39,106 and their right to a democratic process. 18 00:00:39,139 --> 00:00:40,774 - Hey, all y'all dictators out there, 19 00:00:40,807 --> 00:00:42,476 keep messing around and see what happens. 20 00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:43,777 Just see what happens. 21 00:00:43,081 --> 00:00:44,683 Watch. 22 00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:49,283 - Also, to the goverments of Iran and North Korea, 23 00:00:49,316 --> 00:00:52,085 we once again urge you to discontinue your 24 00:00:52,119 --> 00:00:53,620 uranium enrichment programs. 25 00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,622 - Hey, Machmud, Kim Jong, I think I already 26 00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:58,683 done told both y'all 86 your shit, bitches. 27 00:00:58,959 --> 00:01:00,060 Or I'm going to come over there 28 00:01:00,006 --> 00:01:01,474 and do it for y'all! 29 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:04,263 Please test me and see what happens. 30 00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:06,900 - On the domestic front, I just want to say 31 00:01:06,934 --> 00:01:09,603 to my critics, I hear your voices 32 00:01:09,636 --> 00:01:10,938 and I'm aware of your concerns. 33 00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:12,272 - So maybe if you could chill the hell out 34 00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:13,974 for like a second, then maybe I could focus 35 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,443 on some shit, you know? 36 00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:18,145 - That goes for everybody. 37 00:01:18,178 --> 00:01:19,413 Including members of the Tea Party. 38 00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:20,547 - Oh don't even get me started on these 39 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,182 motherfuckers right here. 40 00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:24,084 - I want to assure you that we will be looking 41 00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:26,186 for new compromises with the GOP 42 00:01:26,022 --> 00:01:27,156 in the months ahead. 43 00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:28,889 - And you know these motherfuckers 44 00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:29,857 are going to say no before I even suggest some shit. 45 00:01:30,958 --> 00:01:33,861 - I know a lot of folks say that I haven't 46 00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:36,496 done a good job at communicating my accomplishments 47 00:01:36,053 --> 00:01:37,354 to the public. 48 00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:41,668 - Because y'all motherfuckers don't listen! 49 00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:44,238 - Since being in office, we've created three million 50 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,205 new jobs. 51 00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:46,974 - Three million new jobs! 52 00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:48,175 - We ended the war in Iraq. 53 00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:49,176 - Ended the war, y'all. 54 00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:50,210 We ended a war. 55 00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:51,712 Remember that? 56 00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,680 - These achievements should serve as a reminder 57 00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:55,415 that I am on your side. 58 00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:58,118 - I am not a Muslim. 59 00:01:58,151 --> 00:02:00,654 - And that my intentions as your president 60 00:02:00,687 --> 00:02:02,456 are coming from the right place. 61 00:02:02,489 --> 00:02:04,324 - They coming from Hawaii which is where I'm from 62 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,727 which is in the United States of America, y'all. 63 00:02:06,076 --> 00:02:07,044 Okay? 64 00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:08,762 This is ridiculous. 65 00:02:08,794 --> 00:02:10,330 I have a birth certificate. 66 00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,065 I have a birth certificate. 67 00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:14,152 I have a hot diggity daggety mama-say 68 00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:18,372 mama-sa birth certificate you dumb ass crackers! 69 00:02:18,405 --> 00:02:20,741 - Okay, Luther, rope it in. 70 00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,543 - Dial it back, Luther, damn. 71 00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:25,879 - In conclusion, last night I had a conversation 72 00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:26,680 with Michelle. 73 00:02:26,713 --> 00:02:28,081 - I says, "Bitch." 74 00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:29,483 - Nope, I did not say that. 75 00:02:29,516 --> 00:02:30,450 I did not say that. 76 00:02:30,484 --> 00:02:30,551 - I did not say that.