Hello here.
Plectrum?
Good evening.
This is off our first record. Most people don't own it.
- ABOUT A GIRL -
I need an easy friend I do, with an ear to lend
I do, think you fit this shoe I do, but DO you have a clue?
I'll take advantage while You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night. Free. I do.
I'm standing in your line I do, hope you have the time
I do, pick up number two I do, keep a date with you
I take advantage while You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night Free
I need an easy friend I do, with an ear to lend
I do, think you fit this shoe I do, but DO you have a clue?
I'll take advantage while You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night, no I can't see you every night...
free
I do...
- COME AS YOU ARE -
Come as you are, as you were
as I want you to be, as a friend
as a friend, as an old enemy.
Take your time, hurry up,
choice is yours don't be late. Take a rest,
as a friend, as an old memoria,
memoria, memoria, memoria.
Come dowsed in mud, soaked in bleach,
as I want you to be. As a trend,
As a friend, As an old memoria
Memoria, memoria, memoria
And I swear that I don't have a gun.
No I don't have a gun. No I don't have a gun.
...memoria, memoria, memoria, memoria
And I swear that I don't have a gun.
No I don't have a gun. No I don't have a gun.
Memoria.
Thanks.
This is our friend Lori Goldston on cello.
And this is our new guitar player, Pat.
He's a certified honorary punk rocker.
Thank you.
But he likes Queen better.
This was written by The Vaselines.
Well, it's a rendition of an old Christian song, I think.
But we do it The Vaselines' way.
One, two, three, four.
- JESUS DON'T WANT ME FOR A SUNBEAM -
Jesus, don't want me for a sunbeam Sunbeams are never made like me
Don't expect me to cry, For all the reasons you had to die
Don't ever ask your love of me
Don't expect me to cry Don't expect me to lie
Don't expect me to die for me
Jesus, don't want me for a sunbeam Sunbeams are never made like me
Don't expect me to cry, For all the reasons you had to die
Don't ever ask your love of me
Don't expect me to cry Don't expect me to lie
Don't expect me to die for me
Don't expect me to cry Don't expect me to lie
Don't expect me to die for me
Jesus, don't want me for a sunbeam Sunbeams are laughing at me
Don't expect me to cry, For all the reasons you had to die
Don't ever ask your love of me
Don't expect me to cry Don't expect me to lie
Don't expect me to die Don't expect me to cry
Don't expect me to lie Don't expect me to die for me
I guarantee you I will screw this song up.
So...
- What song is it? - You know which part.
I at least know which part I'll screw up.
- Thanks. - He only screws one up.
- THE MAN WHO SOLD THE WORLD -
We passed upon the stair, we spoke in was and when
Although I wasn't there, he said I was his friend
Which came as a surprise, I spoke into his eyes
I thought you died alone, a long long time ago
Oh no, not me We never lost control
You're face to face To The Man Who Sold The World
I laughed and shook his hand, and made my way back home
I searched for a foreign land, for years and years I roamed
I gazed a gazeless stare, we walked a million hills
I must have died alone, a long long time ago
Who knows? Not me I never lost control
You're face to face With the Man who Sold the World
Who knows? not me We never lost control
You're face to face Of the Man who Sold the World
Thanks. That was a David Bowie song.
Well, thanks.
- That was... - I didn't screw it up, did I?
No.
OK, but here's another one I could screw up.
- What is it? - Am I gonna do this by myself?
- Pennyroyal Tea. - Do it right.
- Are you gonna not sing? - No.
- Do it by yourself. - OK.
I think I'll try it in a different key.
I'll try it in the normal key, and if it sounds bad...
these people will have to wait. We'll do it over.
Do you have a smoke?
- PENNYROYAL TEA -
I'm on my time with everyone
I have very bad posture
Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
Distill the life that's inside of me
Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
I'm anemic royalty
Give me a Leonard Cohen afterworld
So I can sigh eternally
I'm so tired I can't sleep
I'm anemic royalty
I'm a liar and a thief
I'm anemic royalty
I'm on warm milk and laxatives
Cherry-flavored antacids
Sit and drink Pennyroyal Tea
Distill the life that's inside of me
I'm anemic royalty
That sounded good.
Shut up.
What?
Really?
Let's do it now then.
We can't play those two back-to-back, can we?
- After On A Plain. - OK.
But On A Plain's tuned down to a D.
Let's play 'em back-to-back, who cares?
It'll be edited. This is a television show.
John, we're gonna do Dumb now, dummy.
One, two, three, four.
- DUMB -
I'm not like them But I can pretend
The sun is gone, But I have a light
The day is done, I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb Or maybe just happy
Think I'm just happy
My heart is broke But I have some glue
Help me inhale And mend it with you
We'll float around And hang out on clouds
Then we'll come down And have a hangover
Have a hangover
Sit in the sun Fall asleep
Wish away soul is cheap
Lesson learned Wish me luck
Soothe the burn Wake me up
I'm not like them But I can pretend
The sun is gone, But I have a light
the day is done, I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb Or Maybe just happy
Think I'm just happy
I think I'm Dumb
C R E A T E D B Y T E D I
We didn't want to play these two songs in a row
because they're exactly the same song.
So...
Ready?
- POLLY -
Polly wants a cracker I think I should get off her first
I think she wants some water To put out the blow torch
Isn't me, have a seed Let me clip your dirty wings
Let me take a ride, cut yourself Want some help, please myself
Got some rope, you have been told Promise you, I have been true
Let me take a ride, cut yourself Want some help, please myself
Polly wants a cracker Maybe she would like some food
She asked me to untie her A chase would be nice for a few
Isn't me, have a seed Let me clip dirty wings
Let me take a ride, cut yourself Want some help, please myself
Got some rope, you have been told Promise you, I have been true
Let me take a ride, cut yourself Want some help, please myself
Polly said
Polly says her back hurts She's just as bored as me
She caught me off my guard Amazes me the will of instinct
Isn't me, have a seed Let me clip dirty wings
Let me take a ride, cut yourself Want some help, please myself
Got some rope, you have been told Promise you, I have been true
Let me take a ride, cut yourself Want some help, please myself
Can I have a little bit more monitors...
Ian, my vocals?
Ready?
One, two, three, four.
- ON A PLAIN -
I'll start this off without any words
I got so high I scratched 'till I bled
I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?
The finest day that I've ever had
Was when I learned to cry on commmand
I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?
I'm on a plain I can't complain
I'm on a plain
My mother died every night
It's safe to say, quote me on that
I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?
The black sheep got blackmailed again
Forgot to put on the zip code
I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?
I'm on a plain I can't complain
I'm on a plain
Somewhere I have heard this before
In a dream my memory has stored
As a defence I'm neutered and spayed
What the hell am I trying to say?
It is now time to make it unclear
To write off lines that don't make sense
I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?
And one more special message to go
And then I'm done, and I can go home
I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?
I'm on a plain I can't complain
Thank you.
Yeah, I need you to do a little beat so I can keep time.
- Can you hear that? - Yeah.
- SOMETHING IN THE WAY -
Underneath the bridge. tarp has sprung a leak,
and the animals I've trapped, Have all become my pets
And I'm living off of grass And the drippings from the ceiling
It's okay to eat fish 'Cause they don't have any feelings
Something in the way, mmm-mmm
Something in the way, yeah, mmm-mmm
Something in the way, mmm-mmm
Something in the way, yeah, mmm-mmm
Underneath the bridge. tarp has sprung a leak,
and the animals I've trapped Have all become my pets
And I'm living off of grass And the drippings from the ceiling
It's okay to eat fish 'Cause they don't have any feelings
Something in the way, mmm-mmm
Something in the way, yeah, mmm-mmm
Something in the way, mmm-mmm
Something in the way, yeah, mmm-mmm
Something in the way, mmm-mmm
Something in the way, yeah, mmm-mmm
Something in the way, mmm-mmm
Something in the way, yeah, mmm-mmm
Thank you.
C R E A T E D B Y T E D I
I only have three cups of tea already but thank you.
- Kumbaya! - Hurry up?
Is that what you said?
Remember the little black bird on Davey And Goliath?
- Little what? - The little black bird sang Kumbaya.
No, I don't remember the little bird.
Remember that really evil episode Where he was mad at this kid
and he had all these visions of...
"First, I'm going to take him up to a hill
"and tie him to a tree, and tar and feather him!"
It was evil. That wasn't Christian at all.
- ..Interpretation. - Yeah.
- ..Old Testament. - Yeah.
What's next?
We're supposed to play the Meat Puppets' song.
Right'?
OK, great.
Brothers Meat, come up on stage.
- That's an evil show, it scares me. - Yeah.
It always did when I was a kid.
I thought the last one was your last one?
Shall I go with those guys?
These are the Brothers Meat Puppets.
We're big fans of theirs.
Strap on your gee-tar.
..Down.
- What? - Nail it down.
What does that mean?
Nail what down?
You want us to play Nine Inch Nails songs?
I'm gonna read an anecdote.
Freebird!
I've been waiting for that.
I got a free bird for you right here.
I don't know how.
What do we wanna do first?
Time has come today.
OK. Do you wanna do Plateau first?
What are they tuning, a harp?
We're a rich rock band, we should have a whole bunch of extra guitars.
- PLATEAU -
Many a hand has scaled the grand old face of the plateau
Some belonged to strangers AND some to folks you know
Holy ghosts and talk show hosts are planted in the sand
To beautify the foothills, shake the many hands
Nothing on the top but a bucket and a mop
And an illustrated book about birds
See a lot up there but don't be scared
Who needs action when you got words
Finished with the mop then you can stop
And look at what you've done
The plateau's clean, no dirt to be seen And the wo it was fun
Nothing on the top but a bucket and a mop
And an illustrated book about birds
See a lot up there but don't be scared
Who needs action when you got words
Many a hands began to scan around for the next plateau
Some SAID it was Greenland, and some say Mexico
Others decided it was nowhere except for where they stood
But those were all just guesses, wouldn't help you if they could
- OK. - That's Curt and that's Cris.
No, I'm Cris.
I'm Thing One, that's Thing Two.
Cover your hair and your eyes then.
OK, this is called Oh, Me.
- OH, ME -
If I had to lose a mile If I had to touch feelings
I would lose my soul The way I do
I don't have to think I only have to do it
The results are always perfect And that's old news
Would you like to hear my voice Sprinkled with emotion
Invented at your birth?
I can't see the end of me
My whole expanse I cannot see
I formulate infinity Stored deep inside me
If I had to lose a mile If I had to touch feelings
I would lose my soul The way I do
I don't have to think I only have to do it
The results are always perfect And that's old news
Would you like to hear my voice Sprinkled with emotion
Invented at your birth?
I can't see the end of me
My whole expanse I cannot see
I formulate infinity Stored deep inside me
You had the words.
One more. This is called Lake Of Fire.
All these songs are off our second record.
Ready-o.
- LAKE OF FIRE -
Where do bad folks go when they die
They don't go to heaven where the angels fly
Go to a lake of fire and fry
See them again 'till the Fourth of July
I knew a lady who came from Duluth
Bitten by a dog with a rabid tooth
She went to her grave just a little too soon
flew away howling on the yellow moon
Where do bad folks go when they die
They don't go to heaven where the angels fly
Go to a lake of fire and fry
See them again 'till the Fourth of July
People cry and people moan
Look for a dry place to call their home
Try to find some place to rest their bones
Of an angels and the devils try to make 'em their own
Where do bad folks go when they die
They don't go to heaven where the angels fly
Go to a lake of fire and fry
See them again 'till the Fourth of July
Thank you. Thanks for your time.
Thank you, Nirvana!
That was the Meat Puppets.
- What now? - Let's see.
- Any requests? - Sliver!
Sliver, that's a good one.
Lead Belly.
How are we supposed to play In Bloom acoustically?
I need a plectrum.
Yeah.
- ALL APOLOGIES -
What else should I be? All apologies.
What else should I say? Everyone is gay.
What else should I write? I don't have the right.
What else should I be? All Apologies.
In the sun In the sun I feel as one
In the sun In the sun
Married! Buried!
I wish I was like you Easily amused
Find my nest of salt Everything`s my fault
I'll take all the blame I'll proceed from shame
Sunburn with freezer burn Choking on the ashes of her enemy
In the sun In the sun I feel as one
In the sun In the sun
Married, Buried,
Married! Buried!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
All alone is all we are
Thank you.
- Wanna try Sliver? - What?
- Maybe. I don't know. - What?
Sliver?
I don't think we should do that one.
You gotta scream in it.
Yeah, I have to scream in it.
Not that I've been doing that all night.
- What else you wanna do? - D-7.
That's not our song. We've been playing covers all night.
Rape Me.
That's for Tori Amos.
- No, I'm sorry, this is the last song... - Shame!
This is the last song of the evening.
- Rape her! - Rape you!
Jeremy.
Play Jeremy!
What are we doing'?
- How much time do we have? - An hour about...
I don't even know how to play that.
Neither do I. Everything they've been blurting out I don't know how to play.
In Bloom!
I can't think of anything.
- What about, um... - He'd like some more requests.
- Serve The Servants! - Scentless Apprentice!
Rape Me!
- Was that Kennedy? - I don't think MTV would let us play that.
We can do two things...
Fuck you all, this is the last song of the evening.
What is it?
This was written by my favorite performer.
Our favorite performer, isn't it? All of ours?
You like him the best?
If you could give us a donation... Kurt wants to buy Lead Belly's guitar...
Yeah, this guy representing the Lead Belly estate
wants to sell me Lead Belly's guitar for $500,000.
We're passing a basket if anybody wants to...
I even asked David Geffen personally if he'd buy it for me.
He wouldn't do it.
OK.
- WHERE DID YOU SLEEP LAST NIGHT? -
My girl, my girl, don't lie to me
Tell me where did you sleep last night
In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through
My girl, my girl, where will you go
I'm going where the cold wind blows
In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through
Her husband, was a hard working man
Just about a mile from here
His head was found in a driving wheel
But his body never was found
My girl, my girl, don't lie to me
Tell me where did you sleep last night
In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through
My girl, my girl, where will you go
I'm going where the cold wind blows
In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through
My girl, my girl, don't lie to me
Tell me where did you sleep last night
In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through
My girl, my girl, where will you go
I'm going where the cold wind blows
In the pines, in the pines
Where the sun don't ever shine
I would shiver the whole night through
Thank you.