[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.28,0:00:17.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,>> I want to share something with you today that I believe will make you
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.34,0:00:21.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,much more effective at resolving conflict and building collaboration.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.03,0:00:24.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I want to start by telling you a little story about some groups of
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.27,0:00:28.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,chickens because believe it or not chickens have a lot to teach us about collaboration.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.98,0:00:32.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This takes place at Purdue University where Bill Mirror is
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.52,0:00:35.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a Professor of Genetics and a genuinely nice guy.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.68,0:00:40.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Bill was looking into the differences between groups of collaborative chickens.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.34,0:00:43.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These were just chickens that got along well with each other.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.08,0:00:45.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I call them the green zone chickens.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.42,0:00:47.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There were no star performers in their group,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.65,0:00:49.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they were just nice to each other.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.64,0:00:53.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the chicken world, a star performer is the hen that lays the most eggs.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.92,0:00:56.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the problem with the star performers
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.32,0:00:59.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that they tend to be much more aggressive animals.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:59.33,0:01:02.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, we oftentimes see among the chickens
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.10,0:01:05.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,something that we occasionally see in human organizations.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.27,0:01:08.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That is that the star performers become the stars,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.48,0:01:10.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not by being so good themselves but by
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.43,0:01:13.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,suppressing the egg production of the other chickens.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.02,0:01:16.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, they look better and they do this by pecking on them.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.12,0:01:18.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I call these more aggressive star performers
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.95,0:01:21.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the red zone chickens and they do a lot of damage.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.71,0:01:25.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, the farmers have tried different strategies to deal with that.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.43,0:01:28.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One is to house the birds in individual cages about this big,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.97,0:01:31.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not a great solution because it's very expensive,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.34,0:01:32.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,takes millions of cages.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.84,0:01:36.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another thing they tried is something that's called trimming their beaks.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.59,0:01:39.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, this is a bit of a deceptive term because it
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.44,0:01:41.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,gives you the impression that there's a chicken manicures out there,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.90,0:01:44.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sort of filing down the sharp point,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.17,0:01:47.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but really it's an employee with a tool that looks a little bit like a pair of
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.57,0:01:51.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,pliers and they go up and rip a big chunk of the chicken's beak right off its head.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.17,0:01:54.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Also very expensive not to mention horribly unpleasant
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.44,0:01:58.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for all the chickens and the employee that's assigned to do that.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.04,0:02:00.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, Bill was trying to see if it's possible to
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.92,0:02:03.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,breed collaborative instincts into chickens,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.56,0:02:07.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and if so what would be the impact of that on their egg production.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.14,0:02:09.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, we had all the green zone chicken groups over
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.32,0:02:11.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there and the red zone chicken groups over there.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.64,0:02:16.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He took the best of each generations egg producers to produce the next generation.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.48,0:02:21.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He did this for one year about five generations and at the end of that one-year period,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.11,0:02:23.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the results were pretty dramatic.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.93,0:02:27.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There, this is a picture of the green zone chickens.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.81,0:02:30.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They were healthy and productive.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.18,0:02:34.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, the next picture is what was left of the red zone chickens.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.55,0:02:38.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I say it's what was left of them because more than half of
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.96,0:02:43.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the red zone chickens had been murdered by their colleagues, pecked to death.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.74,0:02:47.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, they say that a picture is worth 1000 words.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.66,0:02:49.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if this doesn't tell the whole story,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.61,0:02:52.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,let's look at the egg production of the green zone chickens.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:52.60,0:02:55.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In that one year period of time,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.08,0:02:57.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it went up 260 percent.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.72,0:03:02.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, what we can learn from these chickens is that red zone environments,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.48,0:03:03.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that are more hostile,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.68,0:03:04.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that are more adversarial,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.85,0:03:09.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,highly conflicted, internally competitive versus externally competitive,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.35,0:03:12.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they produce more red zone behavior.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.46,0:03:16.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It feeds on itself and can spread like a virus in an organization.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.79,0:03:20.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Green zone environments that are more supportive
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.04,0:03:23.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and cooperative and more highly skilled at collaboration,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.56,0:03:30.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they produce more eggs or whatever your organizations equivalent is to more eggs.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.10,0:03:33.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I'd like you to think back on that picture of
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.32,0:03:37.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those red zone chickens again for just a minute and get that in your mind.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.01,0:03:39.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a judge for almost 25 years,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.94,0:03:42.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my jurisdiction was collective bargaining disputes,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.65,0:03:45.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,labor management conflicts, and in that role,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.98,0:03:47.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I believe that I have mediated
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.48,0:03:52.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more school district labor strikes than any other person in the United States.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.06,0:03:56.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In just about every single strike that I have ever mediated,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.66,0:03:59.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by the time we get to the end of that process,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.44,0:04:02.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,every single person involved in that process on
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.93,0:04:07.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,both sides of the table knows exactly what those chickens feel like,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.15,0:04:11.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because that is the existence that they are trapped in.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.22,0:04:12.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, these are not mean people.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.94,0:04:15.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,These are good people doing their
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.05,0:04:18.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,imperfect best to improve the world the best way they know how.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.39,0:04:21.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean they've all dedicated their lives to public education.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.89,0:04:24.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They didn't lack an interesting collaboration,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.93,0:04:27.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what they lacked was skills.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.46,0:04:30.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This lack of skills was costing the state of California
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.76,0:04:34.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a tremendous amount of money in the cost of conflict.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.12,0:04:36.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, a small group of us got together,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.35,0:04:38.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we did a lot of research and we set out to teach
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.78,0:04:42.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the more adversarial red zone groups to be more collaborative.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.86,0:04:45.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We were wildly successful.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.72,0:04:48.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Trusts went up, conflicts went down.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.20,0:04:51.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We reduced the amount of measurable conflict in
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.23,0:04:57.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,almost a 100 different organizations by almost 70 percent over several years.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.16,0:05:03.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It saved the state of California a huge amount of money.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.96,0:05:07.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It also transformed the working lives of thousands of
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.88,0:05:11.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,employees who had been trapped in that red zone chicken existence,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.82,0:05:15.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which in turn I believe improved the quality of
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.11,0:05:18.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,education for thousands of school kids who finally had
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.74,0:05:21.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,positive role models who could teach them how to resolve
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.41,0:05:26.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,their differences without destroying their community or going to war with each other.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.58,0:05:31.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What we learned from this experience is not just limited to public education.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.91,0:05:36.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is applicable in any setting that requires collaboration.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.14,0:05:40.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Whether that's a family trying to figure out where to go on vacation together,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.43,0:05:44.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or the corporate world where it has become blindingly obvious lately that you
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.27,0:05:48.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cannot compete externally if you can't first collaborate internally,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.94,0:05:52.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or even in politics where the defensiveness of
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.10,0:05:57.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our congress probably cost as much as the entire defense budget at the Pentagon.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.28,0:06:01.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, what I'd like to do is share with you today what I believe
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.61,0:06:05.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the biggest learning from that experience and that's this;
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.63,0:06:10.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there is nothing that will help you become more effective at resolving conflict and
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.58,0:06:16.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,building collaboration more than better managing your own defensiveness.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.42,0:06:21.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In over 25 years of working with other people's conflicts,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.44,0:06:24.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I almost never had to deal with pure legal issues.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.72,0:06:28.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People were almost always before me because somebody
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.37,0:06:32.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would start feeling vulnerable and then they would get defensive.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.28,0:06:33.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we get defensive,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.96,0:06:35.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our thinking becomes rigid,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.81,0:06:40.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our IQ drops about 20 points and we simply become stupid.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.58,0:06:44.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not only are we terrible problem solvers ourselves,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.66,0:06:48.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but then we invite everybody else in the room to get defensive,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.14,0:06:50.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then what you end up with is a whole room filled with
Dialogue: 0,0:06:50.93,0:06:54.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,red zone people who cannot solve a problem.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:54.00,0:06:57.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The technical term for that by the way is litigation.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.45,0:07:01.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's as simple as this;
Dialogue: 0,0:07:01.14,0:07:03.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you reduce your defensiveness,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.64,0:07:06.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you increase your ability to solve problems.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.76,0:07:08.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, if we know that's true,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.92,0:07:11.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why don't we just stay non-defensive and keep
Dialogue: 0,0:07:11.09,0:07:14.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a more collaborative green zone mindset all the time?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:14.84,0:07:17.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I'd like you to try something with me that may give you
Dialogue: 0,0:07:17.78,0:07:21.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some insight into that question.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.06,0:07:24.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would like you to use all your creativity and
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.44,0:07:29.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,empathy to let yourself become one with this piece of paper.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.56,0:07:32.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Know what it feels like to be this piece of paper.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.81,0:07:35.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nice and cool to the touch and crisp edges,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.12,0:07:39.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and a few sharp corners and a few wrinkles like some of us have.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.00,0:07:42.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, in just a minute I'm going to ask you all to take a deep breath,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.71,0:07:44.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we'll do this altogether,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:44.09,0:07:46.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and as you exhale,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.08,0:07:50.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I would like you to focus all your attention on this piece of paper and just see if it's
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.93,0:07:53.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,possible for you to breathe yourself
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.09,0:07:56.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,right into this piece of paper and become one with it.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.42,0:07:58.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay. Is everybody ready?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:58.48,0:08:00.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All right. Go.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.17,0:08:08.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay. Everybody have that now?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.66,0:08:13.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, anybody want to collaborate with me right now?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:13.82,0:08:17.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or build a relationship with me right now?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.70,0:08:20.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or more likely, anybody have
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.86,0:08:25.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,any really strong negative red zone feelings towards me right now?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.44,0:08:27.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I apologize for this.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:27.56,0:08:31.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I wanted to do this because I wanted you to see how easily and
Dialogue: 0,0:08:31.60,0:08:34.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,quickly you can move from the green zone
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.33,0:08:37.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where pretty much everybody was in this room just a minute ago,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.24,0:08:38.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,into the red zone.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:38.83,0:08:42.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When it happens, it can happen just that fast,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:42.62,0:08:43.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and when it happens,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.99,0:08:45.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we don't have defenses,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:45.55,0:08:48.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they have us, they own us,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.22,0:08:49.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they become our operating system,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:49.98,0:08:53.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they determine how we see the rest of the world out there.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.50,0:08:57.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The problem, is it's almost all unconscious stuff.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.28,0:09:01.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, we don't even recognize that we're getting defensive until it's too late.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.40,0:09:04.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, here's our premise about defensiveness.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:04.39,0:09:06.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we get defensive,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.10,0:09:09.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we are not defending ourselves from another person.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:09.07,0:09:14.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We are defending ourselves from fears inside of us that we don't want to feel.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:14.22,0:09:16.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Three big fears that come up all the time,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.94,0:09:18.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,fears about our own significance,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:18.94,0:09:21.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our competence and our likability.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.66,0:09:24.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me give you an example.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:24.18,0:09:29.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pretend I have some big fears about my own competency for doing this TED talk today,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.62,0:09:32.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and say it's going really badly maybe
Dialogue: 0,0:09:32.29,0:09:35.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm jetlagged and forgetting things and no one's paying attention.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:35.47,0:09:38.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That can cause me a lot of discomfort,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.20,0:09:42.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because believe me, I do not like feeling incompetent at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.28,0:09:48.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One way that I could avoid a lot of that discomfort is I might start blaming you,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:48.34,0:09:52.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,after all you are not the smartest group I have ever worked with.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.16,0:09:57.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Really, does anybody here think it's possible to teach the whole audience to be
Dialogue: 0,0:09:57.55,0:10:02.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,non-defensive in the puny little 18 minutes that I've got for this? Give me a break.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:03.03,0:10:09.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It might seem like I'm defending myself against the bad audience or a bad situation,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:09.19,0:10:11.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but what I'm really doing is I'm behaving in
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.98,0:10:15.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a way that lets me not be in touch with those fears.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:15.01,0:10:19.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our defensiveness helps us hide our fears from ourselves?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.70,0:10:24.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But unfortunately, that is an awful lot like putting whip cream on dog poop,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:24.71,0:10:29.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I know that's a really ugly metaphor but I'll bet you'll remember that one.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.06,0:10:32.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're getting defensive,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.46,0:10:34.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's because there's some fear there.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:34.44,0:10:38.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But since most of us are not sufficiently in tune with
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.26,0:10:42.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that fear to do anything about it until it's too late,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.36,0:10:45.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what can be more helpful for most of us is to start
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.52,0:10:49.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,paying attention to the outward behavior that we do.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.20,0:10:52.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are outward signs of defensiveness are usually much
Dialogue: 0,0:10:52.34,0:10:56.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,easier to spot at a much earlier point in the process?
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.02,0:10:59.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So if we know what our signs of defensiveness are,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.06,0:11:02.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they can become our own personalized early warning system.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.66,0:11:06.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For example, I noticed that when I get defensive,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:06.52,0:11:08.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my breathing becomes faster,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.52,0:11:10.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I tend to talk much louder,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.40,0:11:12.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I usually feel very misunderstood.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.86,0:11:17.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, if I'm getting some feedback from my friends and I notice that I'm breathing faster,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:17.92,0:11:20.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talking louder and feeling very put upon,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.52,0:11:22.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the alarm bells can go off.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:22.16,0:11:23.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ding-ding-ding, Hey Jim, pay attention,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:23.86,0:11:25.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're doing that thing,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.15,0:11:27.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then I can take some action.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.25,0:11:30.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, it is worth your while to figure out what
Dialogue: 0,0:11:30.28,0:11:36.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your specific signs of defensiveness are and then create your own early warning system.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:36.20,0:11:40.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, we've come up with a list of about 50 different signs of defensiveness.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:40.96,0:11:43.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But these are just a few of the more common ones.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:43.84,0:11:48.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, take a look at this and see whether any of these look familiar to you.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:49.86,0:11:52.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you don't see your favorites up there,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:52.76,0:11:54.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or even more importantly,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.01,0:11:56.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you happen to be sitting out in the audience right now thinking to yourself,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:56.83,0:11:59.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,well, I don't really get defensive.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:01.53,0:12:06.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Let me suggest to you that you are probably incomplete denial or overly medicated,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:06.92,0:12:11.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because this is a human conditions.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.41,0:12:14.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So if you're one of those few people on earth that thinks they don't get defensive,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:14.77,0:12:18.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when you go home tonight, I would suggest you ask your spouse or your kids.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.60,0:12:23.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've found family members to be remarkably willing to help out on this test.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.08,0:12:25.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Usually very accurate too.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:25.82,0:12:30.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, your job is to figure out what your specific signs of defensiveness are,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:30.58,0:12:32.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then create your own early warning system,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:32.84,0:12:35.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then when it tips you off that you're getting defensive,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:35.36,0:12:37.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,here's a few things that you can do that can help.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:37.74,0:12:41.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Number one, acknowledge to yourself that you're getting defensive.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.47,0:12:43.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now that may not seem like it's a big deal,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:43.57,0:12:46.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but if you don't notice it you won't take any other action.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.30,0:12:49.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Number two, do whatever you can do to slow down your physiology,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:49.94,0:12:52.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe take a walk around the building and get some fresh air.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:52.27,0:12:53.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or if you're trapped in a meeting,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:53.53,0:12:55.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just take a few deep breaths.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:55.33,0:12:58.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Number three, pay attention to your self-talk.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:58.21,0:13:00.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're engaged in a negative self-talk,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.76,0:13:02.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,consciously try to turn it into something a
Dialogue: 0,0:13:02.95,0:13:05.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,little more positive and little less toxic for you.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:05.58,0:13:08.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Number four, create an action step that is
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.98,0:13:12.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,directly related to whatever your sign of defensiveness is.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:12.36,0:13:16.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, for example, if your sign is flooding with information to prove a point,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:16.99,0:13:21.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe your action step would be just to be quiet for 10 or 15 seconds,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.30,0:13:23.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just zip it up.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.10,0:13:25.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If it's high charge of energy in the body,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:25.40,0:13:29.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe it's take a few deep breaths or visualize some relaxing seen.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:29.34,0:13:31.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If it's a sudden drop in IQ,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.66,0:13:34.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,do something that's going to buy you a little time to let
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.36,0:13:37.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your thinking process catch up with the rest of your body,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:37.92,0:13:40.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,maybe hanging out in the rest room for a few minutes.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:40.44,0:13:43.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One woman, her sign was always wanting the last word,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:43.52,0:13:45.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so she got this image of herself standing at
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.61,0:13:49.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the conference room door throwing in the last word and slamming the door,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.24,0:13:52.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it was a way of not only reminding her what she was
Dialogue: 0,0:13:52.12,0:13:55.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,doing but also lightening up her mood a little bit.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.36,0:13:57.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, you create your action step.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:57.52,0:13:59.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then number five is,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:59.56,0:14:00.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is a recovery model,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.92,0:14:02.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,this is not a model of perfection.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:02.72,0:14:05.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, if you get defensive like we all will,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:05.62,0:14:09.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you'll notice you take some action and then start over and let it go.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:09.54,0:14:12.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, to recap, when you leave here today,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:12.88,0:14:17.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the two most helpful next steps for you will be, number one,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:17.06,0:14:21.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,figure out what your signs of defensiveness are and create your own early warning system,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:21.84,0:14:23.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then number two,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:23.41,0:14:26.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,figure out an action step and practice it.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:26.60,0:14:29.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You want to practice it so it becomes automatic,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:29.08,0:14:31.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because the worst time to be figuring out how to
Dialogue: 0,0:14:31.33,0:14:34.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,deal with your defensiveness is when you're defensive.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:34.15,0:14:38.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, if you can do both of these things, I guarantee you,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:38.66,0:14:42.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you will significantly increase your chances
Dialogue: 0,0:14:42.38,0:14:46.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of ending up like a green zone person rather than one of those red zone chickens.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:46.86,0:14:52.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the words of one of our wisest greatest modern-day philosophers,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:52.28,0:14:54.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's not easy being green.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:54.30,0:14:58.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But let me tell you, it's a whole lot easier and a lot more effective than
Dialogue: 0,0:14:58.45,0:15:03.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,being in red and it could just make a big difference in your lives. Thank you very much.