[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to share something with you today that I believe will make you much more effective at
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,resolving conflict and building collaboration. But, I want to start by telling you a little story about
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some groups of chickens because believe it or not, chickens have a lot to teach us about collaboration.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This takes place at Purdue University where Bill Mear is a professor of genetics, and a genuinely
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,nice guy, and Bill was looking into the differences between groups of collaborative chickens. These
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were just chickens that got along well with each other. I call them the green zone chickens.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And there were no star performers in their group. They were just nice to each other. And in the
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,chicken world, a star performer is the hen that lays the most eggs. But the problem with the star
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,performers is that the tend to be much more aggressive animals. And so we often times see
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,among the chickens, something that we occasionally see in human organizations, and
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that is that the star performers become the stars not by being so good themselves, but by
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,suppressing the egg production of other chickens. So, the look better. And they do this by pecking
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on them. Now, I call these more aggressive star performers the red zone chickens, and they do
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a lot of damage. So the farmers have tried different strategies to deal with that. One is to house the
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,birds in individual cages, about this big. Not a great solution because it's very expensive - takes
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,millions of cages. Another thing they tried is something that's called trimming their beaks.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, this is a bit of a deceptive term because it gives you the impression that there's a chicken
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,manicurists out there sort of filing down the sharp point, but really it's an employee with a tool
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that looks a little bit like a pair of pliers, and they go up and rip a big chunk of the chicken's beak
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,right off its head. Also very expensive, not to mention horribly unpleasant for all the chickens
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the employee that's assigned to do that. So Bill was trying to see if it's possible to breed
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,collaborative instincts into chickens, and if so, what would be the impact of that on their egg production.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we had all of the green zone chicken groups over there, and the red zone chicken groups
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,over there, and he took the best of each generation's egg producers to produce the
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,next generation. He did this for one year - about five generations. And at the end of that one-year
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,period, the results were pretty dramatic. This is a picture of the green zone chickens. They were
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,healthy and productive. Now the next picture is what was left of the red zone chickens.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I say it's what was left of them because more than half of the red zone chickens had been
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,murdered by their colleagues - pecked to death. Now, they say that a picture is worth a thousand
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,words, but if this doesn't tell the whole story, let's look at the egg production of the green zone
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,chickens. In that one year period of time, it went up 260%. So what we can learn from these chickens
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that red zone environments that are more hostile, that are more adversarial, highly-conflicted,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,internally competitive vs. externally competitive, they produce more red zone behavior. It feeds on
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,itself and can spread like a virus in an organization. And green zone environments that are more
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,supportive and cooperative and more highly skilled at collaboration, they produce more eggs - or
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whatever your organization's equivalent is to more eggs. Now, I'd like you to think back on that picture
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of those red zone chickens for just a minute and get that in your mind. As a judge for almost
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,25 years, my jurisdiction was collective bargaining disputes - labor management conflicts. And in that
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,role, I believe that I have mediated more school district labor strikes than any other person in the
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,United States. In just about every single strike that I have ever mediated, by the time we get to the end
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of that process, every single person involved in that process, on both sides of the table, knows exactly
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what those chickens feel like because that is the existence that they are trapped in. Now these are
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not mean people. These are good people doing their imperfect best to improve the world the
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,best way they know how. I mean they've all dedicated their lives to public education. They
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,didn't lack an interest in collaboration. What they lacked was skills, and this lack of skilss was
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,costing the state of California a tremendous amount of money in the cost of conflict.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So a small group of us got together. We did a lot of research and we set out to teach the more
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,adversarial red zone groups to be more collaborative. We were wildly successful.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Trust went up. Conflict went down. We reduced the amount of measurable conflict in almost 100
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,different organizations by almost 70% over several years. It saved the state of California a huge
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,amount of money. It also transformed the working lives of thousands of employees who had been
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,trapped in that red zone chicken existence, which in turn, I believe, improved the quality of education
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for the thousands of school kids who finally had positive role models who could teach them
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how to resolve their differences without destroying their community or going to war with each other.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what we learned from this experience is not just limited to public education. It is applicable
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in any setting that requires collaboration, whether that's a family trying to figure out where to go on
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,vacation together, or the corporate world where it has become blindingly obvious lately that you
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,cannot compete externally if you can't first collaborate internally. Or even in politics where
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the defensiveness of our Congress probably costs as much as the entire defense budget at the
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pentagon. So, what I'd like to do is share with you today what I believe is the biggest learning from
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that experience, and that's this: There is nothing that will help you become more effective at
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,resolving conflict and building collaboration more than better manaing your own defensiveness.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In over 25 years of working with other people's conflicts, I almost never had to deal with pure
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,legal issues. People were almost always before me because somebody would start feeling vulnerable,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then they would get defensive. And when we get defensive, our thinking becomes rigid. Our
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,IQ drops about 20 points, and we simply become stupid. And not only are we terrible problem
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,solvers ourselves, but then we invite everyone else in the room to get defensive, and then what you
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,end up with is a whole room filled with red zone people who cannot solve a problem. The technical
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,term for that, by the way, is litigation. It's as simple as this. If you reduce your defensiveness,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you increase your ability to solve problems. Now if we know that's true, why don't we just stay
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,non-defensive and keep a more collaborative green zone mind set all the time? So, I'd like
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you to try something with me that may give you some insight into that question. I would like
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you to use all your creativity and empathy to let yourself become one with this piece of paper.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Know what if feels like to be this piece of paper - nice and cool to the touch, and crisp edges,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a few sharp corners, a few wrinkles like some of us have. So in just a minute, I'm going to ask you all
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to take a deep breath, we'll do this all together, and as you exhale, I would like you to focus all of your
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,attention on this piece of paper and just see if it's possible for you to breath yourself right into this
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,piece of paper and become one with it. Okay, is everybody ready? All right ... Go.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Okay, everybody have that now? Now, anybody want to collaborate with me right now?
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or build a relationship with me right now? Or more likely, anybody have any really strong red zone
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,feelings towards me right now? So, I apologize for this, but I wanted to do this because I wanted you
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to see how easily and quickly you can move from the green zone, where pretty much everyone
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in this room was just a minute ago - into the red zone. And when it happens, it can happen
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just that fast. And when it happens, we don't have defenses, they have us. They own us. They
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,become our operating system, and they determine how we see the rest of the world out there.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the problem is that it's almost all unconscious stuff. So, we don't even recognize that we're
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,getting defensive until it's too late. So, here's our premise about defensiveness. When we get
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,defensive, we are not defending ourselves from another person. We are defending ourselves
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from fears inside of us that we don't want to feel. Three big fears that come up all the time: Fears
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about our own significance, our competence, and our likeability. Let me give you an example.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pretend I have some big fears about my own competency for doing this TED talk today.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And say it's going really badly. You know, maybe I'm jet lagged and forgetting things, and no
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one's paying attention. That can cause me a lot of discomfort because believe me, I do not like
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,feeling incompetent at all. So, one way that I could avoid a lot that discomfort is that I might start
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,blaming you. After all, you are not the smartest group I have ever worked with, you know.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And really, does anyone here think it's possible to teach the whole audience to be non-defensive in
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the puny little 18 minutes that I've got for this? I mean, give me a break. Now it might seem
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like I'm defending myself against a bad audience or a bad situation, but what I'm really doing is
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm behaving in a way that lets me not be in touch with those fears. Our defensiveness helps us
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hide our fears from ourselves, but unfortunately, that is an awful lot like putting whipped cream
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on dog poop, and I know that's a really ugly metaphor, but I'll be you will remember that one.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're getting defensive it's because there is some fear there. But since most of us are not
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sufficiently in tune with that fear, to do anything about it until it's too late, what can be more
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,helpful for most of us it to start paying attention to the outward behavior that we do. Our outward
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,signs of defensiveness are usually muc heasier to spot at a much earlier point int he process.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So if we know what our signs of defensiveness are, they can become our own personalized early
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,warning system. For example, I notice that when I get defensive, my breathing becomes faster,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I tend to talk much louder, and I usually feel very misunderstood. So, if I'm getting some feedback
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from my friends and I notice that I'm breathing faster, talking louder, and feeling very put upon,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the alarm bells can go off. Ding, ding, ding - Hey Jim, pay attention. You're doing that thing.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then I can take some action. So, it is worth your while to figure out what your specific signs of
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,defensiveness are, and then create your own early warning system. Now, we've come up with a list
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of about 50 different signs of defensiveness, but these are just a few of the more common ones.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Take a look at this, and see whether any of these look familiar to you. If you don't see your favorites
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,up there, or even more importantly, if you happen to be sitting out in the audience right now thinking
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to yourself, well, I don't really get defensive. Let me suggest to you that you are probably in complete
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,denial or overly-medicated because defensiveness - this is a human condition - so if you're one of
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,those few people on earth that thinks they don't get defensive, when you go home tonight, I would
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,suggest that you ask your spouse or your kids. I found family members to be remarkably willing
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to help out on this task. Usually, very accurate too. So your job is to figure out what your specific
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,signs of defensiveness are and then create your own early warning system. Then when it tips you
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,off that you're getting defensive, here's a few things that you can do that can help. Number 1 -
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Acknowledge to yourself that you're getting defensive. Now that may not seem like it's
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a big deal, but if you don't notice it, you won't take any other action. Number two - do whatever
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can do to slow down your physiology. Maybe take a walk around the building. Get some fresh
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,air. Or if you're trapped in a meeting, just take a few deep breaths. Number three - pay attention
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to your self-talk. If you're engaging in negative self-talk, consciously try to turn it into something
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a little more positive and a little less toxic for you. Number four - create an action step that is directly
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,related to whatever your sign of defensiveness is. So for example, if your sign is flooding with
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,information to proove a point, maybe your action step would be to just be quiet for 10 or 15 seconds.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just zip it up. If it's high charge of energy in the body, maybe it's take a few deep breaths,
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or visualize some relaxing scene. If it's a sudden drop in IQ, do something that's going to
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,buy you a little time to let your thinking process catch up with the rest of your body - maybe
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hang out in the restroom for a few minutes. One woman, her sign was always wanting the last
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,word. And so she got this image of herself standing at the conference room door throwing in the last
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,word and slamming the door, and it was a way of not only reminding her of what she was doing, but
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,also lightening up her mood a little bit. So you create your action step. Number five is - this is a
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,recovery model. This is not a model of perfection. So, if you get defensive, like we all will, you notice
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it, you take some action, and start over. Let it go. So to recap: When you leave here today, the
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,two most helpful next steps for you will be: 1. Figure out what your signs of defensiveness are
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and create your own early warning system, and 2. Figure out an action step and practice. You want
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to practice it so it becomes automatic because the worst time to be figuring out how to deal with
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your defensiveness is when you're defensive. Now, if you can do both of these things, I guarantee you
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you will significantly increase your chances of ending up like a green zone person, rather than
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one of those red zone chickens. In the words of one of our wisest, greatest modern day
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,philosophers, "It's not easy being green." But let me tell you, it's a whole lot easier and a lot
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more effective than being red, and it could just make a big difference in your lives.
Dialogue: 0,9:59:59.99,9:59:59.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you very much.