Guess what happened?

What I felt was in the cards.

The Marble Faun is moving in.

He just gave us the washing machine.

That cements the deal.

I can't bear it, I'm telling you.

[Roiling piano]

[Sings] It's my mother's house

in my mother's name

and you can't beat mother

at mother's game.

'Cause she likes the people

who I don't like,

and if I don't like it,

it's "take a hike!"

Which is mother's way

of reminding me

when you live off mother,

you can't be free.

And, I think that mother
is very mean,

and this latest thing,

with this washing machine,

the one Jerry brought...

don't be too surprised

if a guy moves in,

and I'm pulverized.

'Cause I'll be damned

if I'm gonna waste my time

washing clothes

in a [bleep] machine.

[Piano flourish]

[Spoken] I feel very strongly
about mementos.

Memorabilia, I guess you call it.

[Sweetly sings] Around the world

is what I call

my wall of

special things.

Around the world

with rose bouquets,

I dried, and tied

on strings.

A silver mask

from a masquerade.

Around and round

I twirl.

You tack them up

so you can twirrrrl

around the worrrrrld.

[Piano intensifies]

It's my mother's house

with my mother's friends

and with Jerry coming

it never ends.

It's the same old story

as George Gould Strong.

Not in twenty years

did we get along!

Though I do feel bad

for the way he died:

in a two-bit fleabag,

a suicide.

It was mother's money,

the Bouviers.

And if mother spends it

in crazy ways,

no one else took care of her,

only me!

She was taken care of!

Not sexually.

And if you infer

that they were using her,

I will shove you under

the [bleep] bed.

[Piano flourish]

[Sweetly sings]

Around the world

with stones and shells

the nicest one I lost.

Around the world

without a boat,

or just a quote from Frost.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood."

A lovely crossing on.

Around the world,

the world around

the attic wall.

Around the worrrrld

there isn't room

for every special thing.

Around the world,

you choose a few

to make the music sing.

A silver mask

from a masquerade,

around and round

I twirl.

You tack them up,

so when you go,

the world will be

the one you know.

A bird cage I plan to hang;

I'll get to that

some day.

A bird cage

for a bird

who flew awayyyy.

Around the worrrrrld.

[Sweet piano]

[Applause]