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My uncle Eddy is unlike 
anyone else I've ever met.

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He grew up in Oregon,
and resembles a lumberjack;

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tall, muscular, bearded
and wears flannel.

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But, it's always been his personal style
that I've really envied,

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large rings, earrings 
and fabulous necklaces.

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He often does my makeup, drag queen style
with glittery false eyelashes,

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brings me sparkly jewelry

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and dresses me up
in feather boas and bedazzled finery.

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We spend hours together perfecting
Ester Williams synchronized swing moves

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and Judy Garland song and dance routines.

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As a little girl, I thought my uncle Eddy
was the perfect manliest of men.

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I didn't understand

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why Eddy would enthusiastically engage
in these activities with me,

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while my three older brothers 
were less than willing participants.

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(Laughter)

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I now understand that my brothers felt
they couldn't stray outside


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the expected norms of masculinity,

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while Eddy had already crossed
all these boundaries.

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Now, I'm a pretty typical
15-year-old girl,

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I like fashion, I spend 
too much time on my phone,

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and I have seen 
every episode of gossip girl.

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But I'm also loud, assertive, bossy.
I like math and I am a terrible cook.

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Like everyone else, I possess
both masculine and feminine qualities.

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We can accept a woman 
with masculine traits,

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although the same cannot be said
for men and femininity.

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Masculinity is consistently defined

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by separation and oppositeness
from femininity.

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And in this way, masculinity 
and femininity define each other,

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no matter their individual expectations.

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In 1991, psychologist Monica Biernat

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found that children do not initially see
masculinity and femininity as opposites,

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although as they got older, their views
became increasingly contradictory.

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The idea that men and women
act as opposites,

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and their respective traits,
is completely learned.

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We've internalized these traits
with a concrete male/female association,

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although the traits and qualities
belonging to a woman,

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could just as easily exist
within any man, like my uncle Eddy.

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When one of my brothers was a toddler,
he had a favorite Power Ranger,

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the pink Power Ranger.

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He was obsessed, and would
dress only in this outfit.

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He didn't think the pink Power Ranger 
was feminine, he just liked the color.

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Today he shudders with embarrassment
whenever we bring up his close association

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to something so feminine.

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These identities are conscious,
chosen behaviors

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to act within our socials norms 
and boundaries.

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Masculinity and femininity are formed
by social cultural expectations,

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not biological differences.

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We've explored femininity, 
and we can accept

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a wide variety of personalities
outside the norm, as feminine.

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We wear pants, play sports, vote,
and can have the same jobs as men,

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and we're still feminine.

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This acceptance and fluidity
is not the same for men and masculinity,

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and men are still widely expected to live
within their impossible stereotype.

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Our ideals of masculinity
allow men to maintain

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a socially dominant position over women
and other gender identities.

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This social dominance of masculinity
is known as hegemonic masculinity.

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Hegemonic masculinity 
draws on male privilege

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creating an idea of superiority
and enforcing a dominance

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over other's perceived weaknesses.

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This idea for superiority 
sometimes leads to violence,

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such as rape and misogyny,

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as a man overcompensating
for his masculinity

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tries to prove that he is not shy,
afraid, or worst of all, feminine.

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Heterosexuality is one of the 
largest parts of hegemonic masculinity.

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So men may use sexuality and homophobia

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as a basis of "taking away"
another man's masculinity.

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Saying that someone is gay
is no longer used

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to question their sexuality,

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but rather the term has become synonymous
with dumb, stupid, or simply unmasculine.

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Hegemonic masculinity causes 
many problems throughout our society,


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although the most powerful influence
it has, is that it limits our potential.

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The idea that there is
only one type of masculinity

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boxes men into this expectation,
and keeps women out.

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We allow and even enforce a duality
or double standard.

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Male leaders are strong,
powerful and decisive,

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yet a woman in the same exact position
is considered a bitch.

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We slut-shame girls 
while admiring a man who is a player.

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Hegemonic masculinity creates the idea
that men are superior,

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causing self-esteem problems among women.

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Phrases like, "Don't be such a girl",

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are used to describe actions
performed poorly,

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saying that everything girls do
is inherently bad because of their gender.

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Whenever gender is an issue,
I am not at my best.

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I wonder if many of us feel this way?

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How many of us in our modern societies
still struggle with their own greatness,

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because we second-guess
our ability to be equal?

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I play the string bass,

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so usually I'm the only girl
in a group of all boy basses.

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Last year, in the Lincoln Youth Symphony,

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we had a playing test
which determined our seating,

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and when the results were released,
I was first chair.

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I should have been happy, ecstatic,
and so proud of my achievement,

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yet I only felt panic.

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I got into my mom's car after rehearsal
and immediately started sobbing.

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I was certain and terrified
that the other all male bassists


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would be angry at me 
for being first chair.

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I thought that I shouldn't be
better than them

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and continued to downplay
my own abilities.

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At the time, I couldn't articulate
why I felt this way,

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although I've since realized
that it's because hegemonic masculinity

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and its inherent social dominance
had been so ingrained in me

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that I felt it was not my place
as a girl to demonstrate superior talent.

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I wasn't considered any less feminine
by my new seating,

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although I was still limited
in my identity

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and what I thought that meant.

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We are not gender conforming robots,

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we are complex human beings
with countless traits

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that should not be confined by a gender.

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Even subconsciously we are worried
about being judged

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or ridiculed for doing something
outside the expected norm.

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Kind of like a teenage girl giving
a TEDx talk on hegemonic masculinity.

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(Laughter)

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By breaking down 
the stereotype of masculinity,

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we can increase 
the acceptability of femininity.

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These identities differ by culture, 
region, religion, and personal belief.

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So there are unlimited forms
of masculinity and femininity,

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and we can be open
to accepting them all as a spectrum,

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instead of two strict ideals.

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I see my uncle Eddy as the perfect man,

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and I now admire his ability 
to transcend stereotypes boundaries.

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I was born inside the boundaries,

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and I'm still trying to figure out
who I want to be in this world.

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I'm a girl, I wear dresses;

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yet, obviously I have
masculine traits too.

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None of us can live
on one side or the other.

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My identity is not decided
by my etiquette,

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being assertive, 
or my hatred of high heels.

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So I challenge you not to limit yourself 
to being a pink or blue Power Ranger.

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The spectrum of possibilities is endless.

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(Applause)