My uncle Eddy is unlike anyone else I've ever met.
He grew up in Oregon, and resembles a lumberjack;
tall, muscular, bearded and wears flannel.
But, it's always been his personal style that I've really envied,
large rings, earrings and fabulous necklaces.
He often does my makeup, drag queen style with glittery false eyelashes,
brings me sparkly jewelry
and dresses me up in feather boas and bedazzled finery.
We spend hours together perfecting Ester Williams synchronized swing moves
and Judy Garland song and dance routines.
As a little girl, I thought my uncle Eddy was the perfect manliest of men.
I didn't understand
why Eddy would enthusiastically engage in these activities with me,
while my three older brothers were less than willing participants.
(Laughter)
I now understand that my brothers felt they couldn't stray outside
the expected norms of masculinity,
while Eddy had already crossed all these boundaries.
Now, I'm a pretty typical 15-year-old girl,
I like fashion, I spend too much time on my phone,
and I have seen every episode of gossip girl.
But I'm also loud, assertive, bossy. I like math and I am a terrible cook.
Like everyone else, I possess both masculine and feminine qualities.
We can accept a woman with masculine traits,
although the same cannot be said for men and femininity.
Masculinity is consistently defined
by separation and oppositeness from femininity.
And in this way, masculinity and femininity define each other,
no matter their individual expectations.
In 1991, psychologist Monica Biernat
found that children do not initially see masculinity and femininity as opposites,
although as they got older, their views became increasingly contradictory.
The idea that men and women act as opposites,
and their respective traits, is completely learned.
We've internalized these traits with a concrete male/female association,
although the traits and qualities belonging to a woman,
could just as easily exist within any man, like my uncle Eddy.
When one of my brothers was a toddler, he had a favorite Power Ranger,
the pink Power Ranger.
He was obsessed, and would dress only in this outfit.
He didn't think the pink Power Ranger was feminine, he just liked the color.
Today he shudders with embarrassment whenever we bring up his close association
to something so feminine.
These identities are conscious, chosen behaviors
to act within our socials norms and boundaries.
Masculinity and femininity are formed by social cultural expectations,
not biological differences.
We've explored femininity, and we can accept
a wide variety of personalities outside the norm, as feminine.
We wear pants, play sports, vote, and can have the same jobs as men,
and we're still feminine.
This acceptance and fluidity is not the same for men and masculinity,
and men are still widely expected to live within their impossible stereotype.
Our ideals of masculinity allow men to maintain
a socially dominant position over women and other gender identities.
This social dominance of masculinity is known as hegemonic masculinity.
Hegemonic masculinity draws on male privilege
creating an idea of superiority and enforcing a dominance
over other's perceived weaknesses.
This idea for superiority sometimes leads to violence,
such as rape and misogyny,
as a man overcompensating for his masculinity
tries to prove that he is not shy, afraid, or worst of all, feminine.
Heterosexuality is one of the largest parts of hegemonic masculinity.
So men may use sexuality and homophobia
as a basis of "taking away" another man's masculinity.
Saying that someone is gay is no longer used
to question their sexuality,
but rather the term has become synonymous with dumb, stupid, or simply unmasculine.
Hegemonic masculinity causes many problems throughout our society,
although the most powerful influence it has, is that it limits our potential.
The idea that there is only one type of masculinity
boxes men into this expectation, and keeps women out.
We allow and even enforce a duality or double standard.
Male leaders are strong, powerful and decisive,
yet a woman in the same exact position is considered a bitch.
We slut-shame girls while admiring a man who is a player.
Hegemonic masculinity creates the idea that men are superior,
causing self-esteem problems among women.
Phrases like, "Don't be such a girl",
are used to describe actions performed poorly,
saying that everything girls do is inherently bad because of their gender.
Whenever gender is an issue, I am not at my best.
I wonder if many of us feel this way?
How many of us in our modern societies still struggle with their own greatness,
because we second-guess our ability to be equal?
I play the string bass,
so usually I'm the only girl in a group of all boy basses.
Last year, in the Lincoln Youth Symphony,
we had a playing test which determined our seating,
and when the results were released, I was first chair.
I should have been happy, ecstatic, and so proud of my achievement,
yet I only felt panic.
I got into my mom's car after rehearsal and immediately started sobbing.
I was certain and terrified that the other all male bassists
would be angry at me for being first chair.
I thought that I shouldn't be better than them
and continued to downplay my own abilities.
At the time, I couldn't articulate why I felt this way,
although I've since realized that it's because hegemonic masculinity
and its inherent social dominance had been so ingrained in me
that I felt it was not my place as a girl to demonstrate superior talent.
I wasn't considered any less feminine by my new seating,
although I was still limited in my identity
and what I thought that meant.
We are not gender conforming robots,
we are complex human beings with countless traits
that should not be confined by a gender.
Even subconsciously we are worried about being judged
or ridiculed for doing something outside the expected norm.
Kind of like a teenage girl giving a TEDx talk on hegemonic masculinity.
(Laughter)
By breaking down the stereotype of masculinity,
we can increase the acceptability of femininity.
These identities differ by culture, region, religion, and personal belief.
So there are unlimited forms of masculinity and femininity,
and we can be open to accepting them all as a spectrum,
instead of two strict ideals.
I see my uncle Eddy as the perfect man,
and I now admire his ability to transcend stereotypes boundaries.
I was born inside the boundaries,
and I'm still trying to figure out who I want to be in this world.
I'm a girl, I wear dresses;
yet, obviously I have masculine traits too.
None of us can live on one side or the other.
My identity is not decided by my etiquette,
being assertive, or my hatred of high heels.
So I challenge you not to limit yourself to being a pink or blue Power Ranger.
The spectrum of possibilities is endless.
(Applause)