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My uncle Eddy is unlike [br]anyone else I've ever met.

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He grew up in Oregon,[br]and resembles a lumberjack;

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tall, muscular, bearded[br]and wears flannel.

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But, it's always been his personal style[br]that I've really envied,

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large rings, earrings [br]and fabulous necklaces.

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He often does my makeup, drag queen style[br]with glittery false eyelashes,

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brings me sparkly jewelry

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and dresses me up[br]in feather boas and bedazzled finery.

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We spend hours together perfecting[br]Ester Williams synchronized swing moves

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and Judy Garland song and dance routines.

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As a little girl, I thought my uncle Eddy[br]was the perfect manliest of men.

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I didn't understand

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why Eddy would enthusiastically engage[br]in these activities with me,

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while my three older brothers [br]were less than willing participants.

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(Laughter)

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I now understand that my brothers felt[br]they couldn't stray outside[br]

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the expected norms of masculinity,

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while Eddy had already crossed[br]all these boundaries.

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Now, I'm a pretty typical[br]15-year-old girl,

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I like fashion, I spend [br]too much time on my phone,

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and I have seen [br]every episode of gossip girl.

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But I'm also loud, assertive, bossy.[br]I like math and I am a terrible cook.

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Like everyone else, I possess[br]both masculine and feminine qualities.

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We can accept a woman [br]with masculine traits,

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although the same cannot be said[br]for men and femininity.

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Masculinity is consistently defined

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by separation and oppositeness[br]from femininity.

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And in this way, masculinity [br]and femininity define each other,

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no matter their individual expectations.

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In 1991, psychologist Monica Biernat

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found that children do not initially see[br]masculinity and femininity as opposites,

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although as they got older, their views[br]became increasingly contradictory.

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The idea that men and women[br]act as opposites,

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and their respective traits,[br]is completely learned.

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We've internalized these traits[br]with a concrete male/female association,

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although the traits and qualities[br]belonging to a woman,

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could just as easily exist[br]within any man, like my uncle Eddy.

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When one of my brothers was a toddler,[br]he had a favorite Power Ranger,

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the pink Power Ranger.

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He was obsessed, and would[br]dress only in this outfit.

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He didn't think the pink Power Ranger [br]was feminine, he just liked the color.

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Today he shudders with embarrassment[br]whenever we bring up his close association

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to something so feminine.

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These identities are conscious,[br]chosen behaviors

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to act within our socials norms [br]and boundaries.

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Masculinity and femininity are formed[br]by social cultural expectations,

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not biological differences.

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We've explored femininity, [br]and we can accept

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a wide variety of personalities[br]outside the norm, as feminine.

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We wear pants, play sports, vote,[br]and can have the same jobs as men,

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and we're still feminine.

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This acceptance and fluidity[br]is not the same for men and masculinity,

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and men are still widely expected to live[br]within their impossible stereotype.

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Our ideals of masculinity[br]allow men to maintain

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a socially dominant position over women[br]and other gender identities.

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This social dominance of masculinity[br]is known as hegemonic masculinity.

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Hegemonic masculinity [br]draws on male privilege

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creating an idea of superiority[br]and enforcing a dominance

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over other's perceived weaknesses.

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This idea for superiority [br]sometimes leads to violence,

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such as rape and misogyny,

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as a man overcompensating[br]for his masculinity

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tries to prove that he is not shy,[br]afraid, or worst of all, feminine.

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Heterosexuality is one of the [br]largest parts of hegemonic masculinity.

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So men may use sexuality and homophobia

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as a basis of "taking away"[br]another man's masculinity.

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Saying that someone is gay[br]is no longer used

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to question their sexuality,

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but rather the term has become synonymous[br]with dumb, stupid, or simply unmasculine.

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Hegemonic masculinity causes [br]many problems throughout our society,[br]

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although the most powerful influence[br]it has, is that it limits our potential.

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The idea that there is[br]only one type of masculinity

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boxes men into this expectation,[br]and keeps women out.

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We allow and even enforce a duality[br]or double standard.

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Male leaders are strong,[br]powerful and decisive,

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yet a woman in the same exact position[br]is considered a bitch.

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We slut-shame girls [br]while admiring a man who is a player.

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Hegemonic masculinity creates the idea[br]that men are superior,

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causing self-esteem problems among women.

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Phrases like, "Don't be such a girl",

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are used to describe actions[br]performed poorly,

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saying that everything girls do[br]is inherently bad because of their gender.

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Whenever gender is an issue,[br]I am not at my best.

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I wonder if many of us feel this way?

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How many of us in our modern societies[br]still struggle with their own greatness,

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because we second-guess[br]our ability to be equal?

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I play the string bass,

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so usually I'm the only girl[br]in a group of all boy basses.

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Last year, in the Lincoln Youth Symphony,

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we had a playing test[br]which determined our seating,

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and when the results were released,[br]I was first chair.

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I should have been happy, ecstatic,[br]and so proud of my achievement,

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yet I only felt panic.

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I got into my mom's car after rehearsal[br]and immediately started sobbing.

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I was certain and terrified[br]that the other all male bassists[br]

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would be angry at me [br]for being first chair.

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I thought that I shouldn't be[br]better than them

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and continued to downplay[br]my own abilities.

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At the time, I couldn't articulate[br]why I felt this way,

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although I've since realized[br]that it's because hegemonic masculinity

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and its inherent social dominance[br]had been so ingrained in me

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that I felt it was not my place[br]as a girl to demonstrate superior talent.

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I wasn't considered any less feminine[br]by my new seating,

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although I was still limited[br]in my identity

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and what I thought that meant.

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We are not gender conforming robots,

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we are complex human beings[br]with countless traits

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that should not be confined by a gender.

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Even subconsciously we are worried[br]about being judged

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or ridiculed for doing something[br]outside the expected norm.

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Kind of like a teenage girl giving[br]a TEDx talk on hegemonic masculinity.

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(Laughter)

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By breaking down [br]the stereotype of masculinity,

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we can increase [br]the acceptability of femininity.

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These identities differ by culture, [br]region, religion, and personal belief.

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So there are unlimited forms[br]of masculinity and femininity,

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and we can be open[br]to accepting them all as a spectrum,

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instead of two strict ideals.

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I see my uncle Eddy as the perfect man,

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and I now admire his ability [br]to transcend stereotypes boundaries.

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I was born inside the boundaries,

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and I'm still trying to figure out[br]who I want to be in this world.

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I'm a girl, I wear dresses;

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yet, obviously I have[br]masculine traits too.

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None of us can live[br]on one side or the other.

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My identity is not decided[br]by my etiquette,

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being assertive, [br]or my hatred of high heels.

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So I challenge you not to limit yourself [br]to being a pink or blue Power Ranger.

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The spectrum of possibilities is endless.

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(Applause)