WEBVTT

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Agar hayotingiz kitob,

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siz esa uning muallifi bo’lganda,

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hikoyangizga nimalar yozishni istardingiz?

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Mening hayotimni butunlayga o’zgartirib 
yuborgan savol aynan shunday edi.

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Jazirama Las Vegas sahrosida 
voyaga yetar ekanman,

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mening birdan bir istagim erkinlik edi.

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Dunyo bo’ylab sayohat qilishni,

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qorli go’shada yashashni xayol suradim

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va barcha aytgan hikoyalarim

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tasavvurimda namoyon bo’lardi.

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19 yoshimda,

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kollejni tamomlaganimdan bir kun o’tib

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qorli o’lkaga ko’chib bordim

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va massaj terapevtlik kasbini egalladim.

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Bu ish uchun menga qo’llarim

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va yonimdagi massaj stoli 
yetarli edi, xolos.

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Va har qanday ishni eplay olardim.

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Umrimda ilk bor

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o’zimni erkin, mustaqil

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va hayotim o’z qo’limda 
ekanligini his qildim.

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Bu hayotim butunlay o’zgarib 
ketgunicha davom etdi.

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Bir kuni shamolladim deb o’ylab,

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uyga erta bordim

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va 24 soat o’tar-o’tmasdan

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men kasalxonada

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kislorod balloniga muhtoj,

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yashab ketish ehtimolligi ikki foizdan 
kamroq bemorga aylandim.

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Koma holatida yotganimdan

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bir necha kunlardan so’nggina 
shifokor menga

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emlash orqali himoyalanish mumkin bo’lgan

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qon infeksiyasi,

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bakteriyal meningit tashxisini qo’yishdi.

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Keyingi ikki yarim oy davomida men

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talog’imdan, buyraklarimdan,

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chap qulog’im eshitish qobiliyatidan va

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tizzamdan pastki ikkala oyoqlarimdan
ajraldim. Ota-onam meni

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kasalxonadan nogironlik aravachasida 
sudrab olib chiqarkan,

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o’zimni xuddi qiyqim matolardan 
qayta tikilgan

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qo’g’irchoq kabi his qildim.

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Bir necha haftadan so’ng

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yangi oyoqlarimni ilk bora ko’rmagunimcha,

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eng yomoni yakun topdi deb o’ylagandim.

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Boldir qismi beso’naqay metallar,

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to’piq suyagi uchun boltlangan 
trubalardan tashkil topgan

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va xuddi tomirlarga o’xshab

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oyoq barmog’idan to to’piq suyagigacha 
cho’zilgan rezina yo’lli

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sariq rangli rezina oyoq.

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Bu yog’iga nimani kutishni bilmasdim,

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biroq buni kutmagandim.

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Yonimda onam

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va yuzimizdan quyulib borayotgan 
yosh tomchilari bilan

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bu besonaqay oyoqlarni mahkam bog’lab,

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o’rnimdan turdim.

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Ular shunchalar og’riqli va bir yerga 
qattiq mixlab qo’yuvchi ediki,

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endi bu oyoqlarda

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qanday qilib dunyoni sayohat qila olaman,

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qanday qilib men doim

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istagan sarguzashtlar va hikoyalarga to’la

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hayotda yashay olishim mumkin?

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Va qanday qilib snoubord bilan 
yana shug’ullana

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olaman, degan savollar mening 
yagona o’ylovim edi.

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O’sha kuni uyga kirib, yotog’imga 
sudralib bordim

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va keyingi bir necha oylar

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hayotim shu zaylda:

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hushsiz, voqelikdan qochib,

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yonimda yotgan oyoqlarim bilan kechdi.

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Men tamoman jismoniy va 
hissiy tanazzulda edim.

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Ammo hayotda oldinga siljish uchun

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men eski Emini tark etishim

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va yangisini boricha qabul qilishni 
o'rganishim kerakligini bilardim.

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Ana shunda bundan buyon

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besh fut baland bo’lishim shart 
emasligini anglab yetdim.

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O’zim istagancha baland 
bo’yli bo’la olaman!

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(Kulgu) (Qarsaklar)
Yoki kim bilan uchrashuvga

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chiqishimga qarab
istaganimcha past bo’yli bo’lishim mumkin.

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(Kulgu)

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Va snoubord bilan yana 
shug’ullanadigan bo’lsam

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oyoqlarim muzlab qolmaydi.

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(Kulgu)

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O’ylashimcha, bulardan eng zo’ri

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chegirmadagi barcha poyabzallarni

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oyog’im o’lchoviga moslab 
olishim mumkin. (Kulgu)

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Shunday qildim!

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Buning foydali jihatlari bor edi.

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Ana shu daqiqada o’zimga

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hayotimdagi eng muhim savolni berdim:

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Agar hayotim kitob,

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men esa uning muallifi bo’lganimda,

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hikoyam qanday bo’lishini istardim?

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Va men xayol sura boshladim.

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Men xuddi kichkina qizaloq 
kabi xayol surdim

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o’zimni ohista qadamlar bilan

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yurayotganimni, sayohatim davomida

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boshqa insonlarga yordam
berayotganimni va yana

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snoubord bilan shug’ullanayotganimni 
tasavvur qildim.

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O’zimni shunchaki endi
yoqqan qorli tog’dan

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tushib kelishimni tasavvur qilibgina

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qolmadim.
Uni chindan his qildim.

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Yuzimga urilayotgan shamolni

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va shoshib urayotgan yuragimni

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xuddi ayni o’sha daqiqada yuz 
berayotgandek chindan his qildim.

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Hayotimning yangi bobi ana 
o’shanda boshlandi.

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To’rt oy o’tib, garchi natijalar

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ayni kutilgandek bo’lmasa 
ham snoubordga qaytdim:

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Tizzalarim va to’piq suyaklarim egilmasdi

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va bir gal yiqilib tushdim-u, oyoqlarim 
snoubordimda qolib ketdi,

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o’shanda tog’ chang’isi 
trassalaridagi barcha

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chang’ichilarni daxshatga solgan edim.

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(Kulgu) --

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Men pastga uchib tushdim-u,

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tog’ tepasidan bir yerga jilmagandim.

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Boshqalar kabi men ham

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daxshatga tushdim, o’zimga bo’lgan 
ishonchni yo’qotdim,

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Biroq agar o’zimga mos juft 
oyoqlarni topa olsam,

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bu yana qo’limdan kelishini bilardim.

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Ana o'shanda bizning chegaralarimiz 
va qiyinchiliklarimiz

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faqatgina ikki narsani taqdim etishi 
mumkinligini bilib oldim:

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biri yo’limizdan to’xtatadi

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yoki boshqa biri bizni 
ijodkorlikka chorlaydi.

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Men buni bir yil tadqiq etib, 
hanuz qanday oyoqlar

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menga kerakligi, menga nafi

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teguvchi biror bir resursni topa olmadim.

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Shu sababdan ularni o’zim yaratishga
qaror qildim. Oyoq tayyorlovchi

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usta va men birgalikda tasodiy 
qismlarni birlashtirdik

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va snoubord uchun mos juft 
oyoqlar yaratdik.

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Ko’rib turganingizdek,

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ular zanglagan boltlar, rezina, 
yog’och va izolenta.

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Va yana, oyoq barmoqlarimdagi bo’yoqni 
o’zgartira olaman.

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Mana shu oyoqlar

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va 21 yoshda men olgan eng zo’r sovg’a

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dadam bergan yangi buyrak

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yana bir bor orzularim ortidan
borishimga imkon berdi.

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Snoubord bilan shug’ullana boshladim,

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ishimga qaytdim, so’ngra o’qishlarimni
davom ettira boshladim.

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2005-yilda esa jismoniy rivojlanishda
nuqsonlari bo’lgan yoshlar va kattalarni

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harakatli sport bilan 
shug’ullanishlari uchun

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notijorat tashkilot tashkil etlishida 
hamkorlik qildim.

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U orqali Janubiy Afrikaga borish 
imkoniyatiga ega bo’lib,

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maktabga borishlari uchun minglab 
bolalarning oyoqlariga

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poyabzal kiydirishga yordamlashdim.

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Va o’tgan fevral oyida

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ikki karra Jahon Kubogining 
medallarini qo’lga kiritdim.

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(Qarsaklar) --

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Bu meni

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dunyodagi eng qayishuvchan snouborder ayol

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darajasiga ko'tardi.

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Bundan o’n bir yil ilgari oyoqlarimdan 
ajralib qolganimda,

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nimaga umid qilishni bilmasdim.

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Biroq bugun mendan
vaziyatingizni

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o’zgartirarmidingiz deb so’rasangiz,

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men yo’q deb javob berardim.

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Chunki oyoqlarim meni cheklab qo’ymadi,

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aksincha ular imkoniyatlarim 
doirasini kengaytirdi.

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Ular meni o’z tasavvurimga tayanishga

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va imkoniyatlarimga ishonishga majburladi.

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Va shu sababdan

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tasavvurlarimiz chegaralarni 
yengib o'tishda

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ko’makchi bo’la olishiga ishonaman,

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chunki tafakkurimizda biz har qanday 
ishni qila olamiz

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va har qanday narsa qo’limizdan keladi.

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Ana shu orzularga ishonish

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va o’z qo’rquvlarimizga yuzma-yuz 
kelish hayotimizni

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imkoniyatlar doiramizdan 
tashqaridagi kenglikda

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yashashga imkon beradi.

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Bugungi kun chegarasiz innovatsiyalar
maydoni bo’lishiga qaramasdan,

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shuni aytishim mumkinki,

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shaxsiy hayotimdagi innovatsiyalarga

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menda mavjud chegaralar tufayli erishdim.

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Chegara bu haqiqiy yakun degani,

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biroq ayni shu yer tasavvur

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va hikoyaning muqaddimasi 
ekanligini bilib oldim.

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Shunday qilib bugun sizga mulohaza 
uchun taqdim etilgan fikr

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shundan iborat. Ehtimol, qiyinchiliklar-
imiz va cheklangan imkoniyatlarimizga

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salbiy va yomon narsa 
sifatida qarash o’rniga

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ularni bizga berilgan tuhfa,

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tasavvurimizni uyg’otishimizda 
qo’l keluvchi bebaho sovg’a

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ko'zlangan manzildan uzoqroqqa yetishga 
ko’makchi deb qabul qilishimiz mumkin.

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Bu chegaralarni buzib o'tish emas,

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balki uni siljitishdir

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va u bizni qanday ajoyibotlarga yetaklashi

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mumkinligiga guvoh bo’lish demakdir.

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Rahmat.