WEBVTT

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On October 31, 1999, 
Halloween here in the states,

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my family moved to Los Angeles 
from a small flat in England.

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They were at that time, just my parents, 
my brother, and my sister.

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A year and three days later, I was born.

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I don’t think it was immediately 
obvious I was a little different.

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But around when I was four, 
my lack of attention became more apparent.

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I wasn’t replying to people, 
I just seemed to ignore them.

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I got my mom so worried 
I was partially deaf

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that she spent $400 
on a fancy hearing test.

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I passed it with flying colors, 
and I’ve never heard the end of it.

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My inability to focus on anything 
for any length of time,

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my forgetfulness,

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and my complete lack of organization 
is something nowhere short of legendary.

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I always lost pencils,

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never turned in assignments, 
even when I did them,

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I always left jackets at school, which
plenty of times were never seen again.

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I couldn't sit still, 
and if I did sit still, I was talking.

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I talked so much 
that even when I wasn’t talking,

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my teachers still told me to be quiet 
because they just assumed I was.

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My third-grade teacher put me 
in my very own corner of the classroom

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away from everybody else to try
and stop me from talking.

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What actually happened is 
I just shouted across the classroom.

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I was a nightmare.

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And this whole time I always had 
so many missing assignments.

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Always more than anyone else.

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Fourth grade was the turning point.

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My mom had been working 
to become a teacher, and through this,

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she worked with kids who 
had been diagnosed with ADHD.

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And she started to realize 
that these kids seemed really familiar.

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Their problems
were the same as my problems.

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By April of fourth grade,

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I had been to a therapist 
and I'd been diagnosed with ADHD,

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which in a nutshell, is three things:

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Impulsivity,

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Hyperactivity,

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and Inattention.

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Impulsivity - yes that’s why I was just 
blurting out whatever was on my mind

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and talking in class.

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Hyperactivity - I was always fidgeting,

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much to the annoyance of, well,
everyone around me.

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Inattention, though, 
is a bad way to describe it.

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Actually, my brain just moves 
from one thing to the next very rapidly

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until something 
really catches my attention

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and I get kind of sucked in

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and I might have a short-lived 
obsession about it.

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This is what’s responsible 
for my forgetfulness.

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I can remember things fine, 
just only when I pay attention,

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and that just doesn't happen often.

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It's also responsible for many 
of my life experiences.

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I’ve tried all the sports, even baseball,
which was a terrible idea,

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You never stick a kid 
with ADHD on a field waiting.

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I tried robotics.

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I tried a few instruments 
and all of those were a massive failure.

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I tried cartooning which 
I actually got pretty good at,

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but then I wanted to learn how to paint, 
never did and now my interest is gone.

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I tried to teach myself 
computer programming.

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That got boring by the end of the day.

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The point is I was always moving 
from one thing to the next.

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To treat these symptoms,

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and save my parents' reputation
for being able to raise a child,

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I was given medication.

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This is probably the single most 
impactful event in my entire life.

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In the beginning, it was wonderful.

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It was the fifth grade, 
I was a model student.

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I not only finished my work,

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I did it quickly, 
then helped my friends finish their work,

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and we were all done and horsing around 
while everyone else was still going.

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The best part about it was that

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the third-grade teacher 
who sat me in a corner,

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was the fifth-grade teacher.

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I can’t imagine how confused she was.

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This continued in the sixth grade.

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I stayed organized,

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stayed on top of my work,

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got perfect grades,

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and everything was wonderful.

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But going into the seventh grade,

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the dosage of the medication 
I took was raised

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because it was thought I’d need it to cope

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with the increasing pressure 
of middle school.

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This is ironic considering 
that in middle school

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the real pressure is from your peers,

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something that for me, 
the higher dosage actually damaged.

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All of a sudden, 
I didn’t socialize with people.

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I became distant.

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I consider ADHD a part of my personality,

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I mean how could I not
if I’ve lived with it my entire life?

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The higher dosage took that away from me.

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Worst of all, I couldn’t eat 
while I was on the medication.

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I was a pretty skinny kid
and my mom kept trying to get me to eat,

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and every day, she'd pack these lunches 
and every day they'd end up in the trash.

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When I told her that when 
I was on the medication,

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the food just seemed totally unappealing,

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the answer was summed up as this:
you're just going to have to suck it up.

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There wasn't much else that could be said.

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In response to all of this,

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I started taking medication on and off,
and well, it was pretty obvious.

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To give you an idea, back in LA,

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there’s an ice hockey team, 
the Los Angeles Kings.

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So I went to one of these games and
I got pretty pumped up.

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Every time anything happened 
I’d be up and jumping and cheering.

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The dance cam came on,
and to make sure I got on it,

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I took my shirt off 
and waved it above my head,

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You bet I got on that camera.

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The next time I went to a King’s game,

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I took medication right before 
to focus on some homework.

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When I went, I didn’t dance, 
I barely stood up when the Kings scored.

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The people I went with were disappointed

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because they wanted to see me 
with the kind of energy I had before.

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With the medication, I couldn’t bring 
myself to do any of that.

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Those things felt immature and beneath me.

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Teachers would call 
this perfect behavior.

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I sat down and I shut up, 
and I didn’t bother anybody.

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This is an important conflict 
many kids with ADHD face.

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You can either get better grades easier 
and lose part of yourself,

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or you can be who you are 
and be crucified for it in the gradebook

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and for people who find 
your normal behavior irritating.

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Once I stopped taking medication entirely,
I got crucified.

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My grades just dropped.

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People were getting annoyed by me.

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My friends and family who knew 
about my disorder tried to joke about it.

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I guess they were trying to give me 
something to blame it on,

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but really it was degrading.

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I’d rather take the blame for 
my mistakes myself, not some disorder.

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Otherwise, it just becomes 
a way of putting me down,

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like I can’t do these things anyway 
because I’m not normal.

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This is only the eighth grade,

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but already life seemed a lot different
then from sixth grade,

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and I started to wonder 
if I really was smart

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or if the medication 
had just put up an illusion.

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My ego was shattered
and I was just angry

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and I was bitter, more at myself
than anything else.

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I didn’t believe in myself anymore,

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that I could do any of the things
I used to think I could.

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And I came into freshman year
of high school

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not somebody who was ready 
to take on the new challenge.

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I was beaten before 
I walked through the door.

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For me, it all goes back 
to that raising medication.

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Now don’t get me wrong.

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Compared to a few other people who 
have taken the medication, I had it easy,

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even though most people who take
the medication are perfectly fine.

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Some kids suffer from withdrawal when 
summer vacation comes,

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like bad withdrawal.

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They have the shakes.

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I know a kid who stayed awake for two days
after taking the medication.

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I’ve heard of a kid, someone my mom knew 
from working at schools,

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who had suicidal thoughts after
taking the medication for the first time.

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That shouldn’t be happening.

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People with ADHD have a lot 
to learn about themselves

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in order to deal with the disorder,

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and that’s a long process.

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Right now from what I’ve seen,

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the only solution people give 
that works is medication,

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and if that doesn’t work,

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you kind of just have to work 
things out for yourself.

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And sure, I get it, 
most people are fine with medication.

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They don’t have side effects
that interfere with their lives

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and it enables them to do 
what they need to get done.

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That isn't the case for everyone, though.

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And the stress,

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and the pressure,

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and the frustration that come with ADHD

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for not only the person with the disorder 
but the people around them?

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That's tough.

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It’s no coincidence that 
when researchers in Sweden

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checked their countries 
national database,

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and checked suicide rates among people 
with ADHD and those without,

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the people with ADHD were ten times 
more likely to commit suicide,

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0.2% compared to 0.02%.

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1.3% of the people
without ADHD attempted suicide,

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For the people with ADHD, 
that number was 9.4%, nearly 1 in 10.

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Family of people with ADHD 
are at risk as well.

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Compared with, again, 0.02% 
for the general population,

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parents had a suicide rate of 0.7%.

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Siblings had the same rate of people 
with ADHD with 0.2%

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With statistics like that floating around,

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how can medication be good enough 
for the entire ADHD population?

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Obviously, despite the plenty of people 
working fine with the medication,

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there’s still a huge issue for the people 
who don’t have that luxury

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and the medication for whatever reason 
just isn’t the thing that can help them.

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People who see the stress they put on 
their loved ones every time they mess up,

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and they can’t seem to stop messing up.

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And you’d be surprised 
at just how many there are.

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It’s estimated that here in the U.S. 
4% of the adult population has ADHD.

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For children, that number, 
according to the CDC, is 11%.

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That’s just the numbers for the U.S.

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and we’re already looking 
at millions of people.

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That’s people in this room, battling this,
battling the stress it causes them.

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People like me.

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So here’s how I dealt with it.

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The only way I was going to live with ADHD
and still be happy was to beat it.

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I needed to prove that ADHD wasn’t 
something that was going to hold me back.

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So sophomore year, after a freshman year 
where I really just let myself down,

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I wanted to prove to not only 
to others, but myself,

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that I was smart,

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that I could get the grades I wanted,

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that I could get involved and 
still find the time to do my homework.

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So I got the grades I wanted,

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and I got involved, too.

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I joined the Red Cross,

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and volunteering for them has been one of
the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done.

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I’ve found ways to do things 
that work for me.

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I’m organized as much as I need to be,
no more, no less.

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It’s also important for me 
to find patterns in classes

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so that even when I miss out on things,

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I still always have a general 
idea of what's going on.

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It’s very important for me 
to have friends in classes

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so that when my attention span 
inevitably fails me

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in classes that I don’t have 
an undying passion for,

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I can still always ask what directions 
were just said or what the homework was.

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All of these things take work,

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but it’s worth it because it enables me 
to do what I want to do.

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Really, it’s about compromising with it.

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This has allowed me 
to get off the medication,

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something which isn’t too common 
for an ADHD success story.

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Now I can go to school, 
and the me that’s there, is the real me.

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I irritate teachers,

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I struggle to do my work,

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and I’m happier.

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I’m reliant on myself.

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No medication, no teachers hovering 
over me. It’s possible.

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Whether the medication works 
for them or not,

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people with ADHD need 
to find what works for them,

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get the support they need,

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and keep building up self-reliance.

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ADHD isn’t a battle that 
will ever be totally won,

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but with a little bit of understanding,

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we can help millions.

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Thank you.