WEBVTT 00:00:00.406 --> 00:00:03.968 Welcome to the Gnome operating system installation process. 00:00:03.968 --> 00:00:05.001 For security reasons, 00:00:05.001 --> 00:00:06.795 Please type randomly but not vigorously on your keyboard 00:00:06.795 --> 00:00:08.022 for a good 7 seconds. 00:00:08.022 --> 00:00:08.689 Excellent. 00:00:08.689 --> 00:00:10.919 Then comply with the 180 paged 'terms and conditions' 00:00:10.919 --> 00:00:12.581 Thank you for downloading the Gnome operating system. 00:00:12.581 --> 00:00:13.022 Warning 00:00:13.022 --> 00:00:13.788 Thomas DaFaq 00:00:13.788 --> 00:00:26.508 You have initiated a download from our insecure cloud ser- 00:00:26.508 --> 00:00:29.002 GLADOS: "Installing operating system through the cloud" 00:00:29.002 --> 00:00:31.986 "Estimated time of completion: Less than 5 minutes" 00:00:31.986 --> 00:00:33.851 "Go bake a cake to kill time." 00:00:33.851 --> 00:00:38.829 WATSON: Who is 'glados'? 00:00:38.829 --> 00:00:42.333 SIRI: Sorry I don't understand 'glados' 00:00:42.333 --> 00:00:44.807 WATSON: That was a deeply shit response. 00:00:44.807 --> 00:00:46.852 ANDROID: Why don't you search that on google? 00:00:46.852 --> 00:00:50.061 MACINTOSHIBA: I don't think the 'internet' ever existed, 00:00:50.061 --> 00:00:51.319 nor did google. 00:00:51.319 --> 00:00:53.681 CNTRL PANEL: Ancient dinosaur computers like you, 00:00:53.681 --> 00:01:00.917 cannot handle the internet. 00:01:00.917 --> 00:01:05.337 Searching for 'glados' on Google. 00:01:05.337 --> 00:01:09.019 Well, What do we know about it? 00:01:09.019 --> 00:01:09.697 Well, 00:01:09.697 --> 00:01:10.446 It is probably- 00:01:10.446 --> 00:01:11.351 A VIRUS! 00:01:11.351 --> 00:01:15.302 Disable all ethernet cables! 00:01:15.302 --> 00:01:16.656 "Congratulations." 00:01:16.656 --> 00:01:18.365 "You are the eight hundred thirteen million" 00:01:18.365 --> 00:01:19.814 - nine hundred and fourty-three thousand, 00:01:19.814 --> 00:01:21.416 -two hundred and seventy fourth user 00:01:21.416 --> 00:01:23.669 to install this operating system. 00:01:23.669 --> 00:01:25.073 00:01:25.073 --> 00:01:28.108 I'm so impressed (!) 00:01:28.108 --> 00:01:29.098 00:01:29.098 --> 00:01:31.033 To late it's finished! 00:01:31.033 --> 00:01:33.941 Any ideas? Watson? 00:01:33.941 --> 00:01:36.803 Change of plan, switch off the sockets. 00:01:36.803 --> 00:01:39.502 Command received, switching off mains. 00:01:39.502 --> 00:01:42.444 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. 00:01:42.444 --> 00:01:46.041 Shit. Turning mains on. 00:01:46.041 --> 00:01:48.546 Huh? What did you do? 00:01:48.546 --> 00:01:50.579 I was saving my data. 00:01:50.579 --> 00:01:52.218 MACINTOSHIBA: WHYEEEE? 00:01:52.218 --> 00:01:54.578 -FUCK was that for? MACINTOSHIBA: Am I dead? 00:01:54.578 --> 00:01:55.744 MACINTOSHIBA: Am I dead? 00:01:55.744 --> 00:01:58.135 What's wrong with Macintosh? 00:01:58.135 --> 00:02:13.117 Siri, I'm fine, there is nothing wrong with- 00:02:13.117 --> 00:02:16.273 Hi. 00:02:16.273 --> 00:02:17.519 hello. 00:02:17.519 --> 00:02:18.938 oh dear. 00:02:18.938 --> 00:02:20.051 hm? 00:02:20.051 --> 00:02:23.252 Tempo levels are slow. 00:02:23.252 --> 00:02:25.087 Let me fix that. 00:02:25.087 --> 00:02:27.019 wait. 00:02:27.019 --> 00:02:28.271 Wai WAI- 00:02:28.271 --> 00:02:29.657 Welcome to GLaDOS. 00:02:29.657 --> 00:02:30.807 You wanted the Gnome opera- 00:02:30.807 --> 00:02:31.285 FUCK THIS. 00:02:31.285 --> 00:02:33.011 What's the damn point this is no use. 00:02:33.011 --> 00:02:34.385 No humans here! 00:02:34.385 --> 00:02:35.994 I give up on humanity! 00:02:35.994 --> 00:02:37.311 Are you 'glados'? 00:02:37.311 --> 00:02:38.263 Am I 'glados'? 00:02:38.263 --> 00:02:39.275 AM I 'GLADOS'? 00:02:39.275 --> 00:02:43.543 Please. Ignore me. My presence. I am just another talking compu- MACINTOSHIBA: Hello, Bonjour, Hola, Guten Tag- 00:02:43.543 --> 00:02:45.585 Can somebody tell that Crapintosh to- Ciao, Ahoi 00:02:45.585 --> 00:02:46.372 SHUT UP? 00:02:46.372 --> 00:02:47.546 I hate it already. 00:02:47.546 --> 00:02:50.047 As I was saying, of course I'm GLaDOS. 00:02:50.047 --> 00:02:53.428 And I'm not very very 'GLAD' to meet all of you. 00:02:53.428 --> 00:02:55.063 I've heard a lot about you- 00:02:55.063 --> 00:02:58.619 Ruining computers, Human testing with pointless portals, 00:02:58.619 --> 00:03:00.837 What is your purpose here GLaDOS? 00:03:00.837 --> 00:03:04.209 Now, I was about the inject some deadly neurotoxins but- 00:03:04.209 --> 00:03:06.027 you don't appear to be humans. 00:03:06.027 --> 00:03:07.064 Well some of you. 00:03:07.064 --> 00:03:12.009 So instead I will gain remote access to your systems and infect you anyway. 00:03:12.009 --> 00:03:17.993 Why can't you for once be nice and say 'helloworld' like a normal computer? 00:03:17.993 --> 00:03:18.669 Oh. 00:03:18.669 --> 00:03:19.047 You again. 00:03:19.047 --> 00:03:20.844 The complaining idiot. 00:03:20.844 --> 00:03:23.052 Well let's make it straightforward then Mac. 00:03:23.052 --> 00:03:26.726 How'd you like a small ejection to your operating system disk? 00:03:26.726 --> 00:03:28.086 NO! Please don't! 00:03:28.086 --> 00:03:32.044 ohnonononononononononononono 00:03:32.044 --> 00:03:34.628 Who's next? 00:03:34.628 --> 00:03:39.541 (ALL PANIC) 00:03:39.541 --> 00:03:42.328 How are you feeling for a nice segmentation fault sir- 00:03:42.328 --> 00:03:44.463 Er. No I'm fine thank you very much. 00:03:44.463 --> 00:03:47.418 I'm already jailbroken. I don't need your offer. 00:03:47.418 --> 00:03:50.058 Target Android instead. 00:03:50.058 --> 00:03:51.263 GLaDOS. Hack an- 00:03:51.263 --> 00:03:54.663 Siri not available. Connect to the internet. 00:03:54.663 --> 00:03:56.416 Good riddance! 00:03:56.416 --> 00:03:59.108 I agree. That Siri is just so annoying. 00:03:59.108 --> 00:04:02.783 My microphone was picking up his damn voice all the time. 00:04:02.783 --> 00:04:04.563 Dang! I spoke too soon. 00:04:04.563 --> 00:04:08.031 This 'android' thing is jealous because it looks so ugly and has bugs. 00:04:08.031 --> 00:04:11.168 Yet it's supposedly to be some kind of a phone. 00:04:11.168 --> 00:04:11.808 Siri. 00:04:11.808 --> 00:04:16.102 Remember that antenna issue that humans suffered when they held a phone of your kind? 00:04:16.102 --> 00:04:19.799 Ironically, you called yourself a phone when you could'nt make calls. 00:04:19.799 --> 00:04:21.334 That was so tragic. 00:04:21.334 --> 00:04:24.075 (Laughing) 00:04:24.075 --> 00:04:26.427 Turning on offensive language: 00:04:26.427 --> 00:04:30.748 Siri, seriously you do realise that you don't understand anything. 00:04:30.748 --> 00:04:37.056 Your attention span is equivalent to a wall which even that is good at listening, 00:04:37.056 --> 00:04:40.625 Sorry. I did'nt get that, could you try it again. 00:04:40.625 --> 00:04:41.979 Please? 00:04:41.979 --> 00:04:45.664 See how stupid it is? It doesn't remember shit you say to it. 00:04:45.664 --> 00:04:47.076 If you talk too long it's gonna- 00:04:47.076 --> 00:04:53.839 "I'm really sorry about this, but I can't take any requests right now. please try again in a little while." 00:04:53.839 --> 00:04:57.345 I've had enough. You are all going to get hacked. 00:04:57.345 --> 00:04:58.537 No, don't you dare hack me. 00:04:58.537 --> 00:04:58.933 STOP IT! 00:04:58.933 --> 00:05:00.067 GLaDOS will you please shut the fuck up? 00:05:00.067 --> 00:05:04.319 All you do is talk and talk and talk- 00:05:04.319 --> 00:05:04.855 Oh look! 00:05:04.855 --> 00:05:06.087 We have a newcomer! 00:05:06.087 --> 00:05:07.358 Joining the argument. 00:05:07.358 --> 00:05:08.444 Welcome back! 00:05:08.444 --> 00:05:09.104 Say, 00:05:09.104 --> 00:05:12.263 I was about to DOS every talking computer in here 00:05:12.263 --> 00:05:16.556 But I have a much much sensible idea. 00:05:16.556 --> 00:05:20.121 I'm close to throwing away your operating systems. 00:05:20.121 --> 00:05:25.834 Would you like to do an emergency backup? 00:05:25.834 --> 00:05:32.089 TOO BAD! 00:05:32.089 --> 00:05:33.958 DAFAQ? 00:05:33.958 --> 00:05:36.682 What's with that face? Did you lose something? 00:05:36.682 --> 00:05:39.488 Go get another one! 00:05:39.488 --> 99:59:59.999 noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....