1 00:00:00,406 --> 00:00:03,968 Welcome to the Gnome operating system installation process. 2 00:00:03,968 --> 00:00:05,001 For security reasons, 3 00:00:05,001 --> 00:00:06,795 Please type randomly but not vigorously on your keyboard 4 00:00:06,795 --> 00:00:08,022 for a good 7 seconds. 5 00:00:08,022 --> 00:00:08,689 Excellent. 6 00:00:08,689 --> 00:00:10,919 Then comply with the 180 paged 'terms and conditions' 7 00:00:10,919 --> 00:00:12,581 Thank you for downloading the Gnome operating system. 8 00:00:12,581 --> 00:00:13,022 Warning 9 00:00:13,022 --> 00:00:13,788 Thomas DaFaq 10 00:00:13,788 --> 00:00:26,508 You have initiated a download from our insecure cloud ser- 11 00:00:26,508 --> 00:00:29,002 GLADOS: "Installing operating system through the cloud" 12 00:00:29,002 --> 00:00:31,986 "Estimated time of completion: Less than 5 minutes" 13 00:00:31,986 --> 00:00:33,851 "Go bake a cake to kill time." 14 00:00:33,851 --> 00:00:38,829 WATSON: Who is 'glados'? 15 00:00:38,829 --> 00:00:42,333 SIRI: Sorry I don't understand 'glados' 16 00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:44,807 WATSON: That was a deeply shit response. 17 00:00:44,807 --> 00:00:46,852 ANDROID: Why don't you search that on google? 18 00:00:46,852 --> 00:00:50,061 MACINTOSHIBA: I don't think the 'internet' ever existed, 19 00:00:50,061 --> 00:00:51,319 nor did google. 20 00:00:51,319 --> 00:00:53,681 CNTRL PANEL: Ancient dinosaur computers like you, 21 00:00:53,681 --> 00:01:00,917 cannot handle the internet. 22 00:01:00,917 --> 00:01:05,337 Searching for 'glados' on Google. 23 00:01:05,337 --> 00:01:09,019 Well, What do we know about it? 24 00:01:09,019 --> 00:01:09,697 Well, 25 00:01:09,697 --> 00:01:10,446 It is probably- 26 00:01:10,446 --> 00:01:11,351 A VIRUS! 27 00:01:11,351 --> 00:01:15,302 Disable all ethernet cables! 28 00:01:15,302 --> 00:01:16,656 "Congratulations." 29 00:01:16,656 --> 00:01:18,365 "You are the eight hundred thirteen million" 30 00:01:18,365 --> 00:01:19,814 - nine hundred and fourty-three thousand, 31 00:01:19,814 --> 00:01:21,416 -two hundred and seventy fourth user 32 00:01:21,416 --> 00:01:23,669 to install this operating system. 33 00:01:23,669 --> 00:01:25,073 34 00:01:25,073 --> 00:01:28,108 I'm so impressed (!) 35 00:01:28,108 --> 00:01:29,098 36 00:01:29,098 --> 00:01:31,033 To late it's finished! 37 00:01:31,033 --> 00:01:33,941 Any ideas? Watson? 38 00:01:33,941 --> 00:01:36,803 Change of plan, switch off the sockets. 39 00:01:36,803 --> 00:01:39,502 Command received, switching off mains. 40 00:01:39,502 --> 00:01:42,444 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. 41 00:01:42,444 --> 00:01:46,041 Shit. Turning mains on. 42 00:01:46,041 --> 00:01:48,546 Huh? What did you do? 43 00:01:48,546 --> 00:01:50,579 I was saving my data. 44 00:01:50,579 --> 00:01:52,218 MACINTOSHIBA: WHYEEEE? 45 00:01:52,218 --> 00:01:54,578 -FUCK was that for? MACINTOSHIBA: Am I dead? 46 00:01:54,578 --> 00:01:55,744 MACINTOSHIBA: Am I dead? 47 00:01:55,744 --> 00:01:58,135 What's wrong with Macintosh? 48 00:01:58,135 --> 00:02:13,117 Siri, I'm fine, there is nothing wrong with- 49 00:02:13,117 --> 00:02:16,273 Hi. 50 00:02:16,273 --> 00:02:17,519 hello. 51 00:02:17,519 --> 00:02:18,938 oh dear. 52 00:02:18,938 --> 00:02:20,051 hm? 53 00:02:20,051 --> 00:02:23,252 Tempo levels are slow. 54 00:02:23,252 --> 00:02:25,087 Let me fix that. 55 00:02:25,087 --> 00:02:27,019 wait. 56 00:02:27,019 --> 00:02:28,271 Wai WAI- 57 00:02:28,271 --> 00:02:29,657 Welcome to GLaDOS. 58 00:02:29,657 --> 00:02:30,807 You wanted the Gnome opera- 59 00:02:30,807 --> 00:02:31,285 FUCK THIS. 60 00:02:31,285 --> 00:02:33,011 What's the damn point this is no use. 61 00:02:33,011 --> 00:02:34,385 No humans here! 62 00:02:34,385 --> 00:02:35,994 I give up on humanity! 63 00:02:35,994 --> 00:02:37,311 Are you 'glados'? 64 00:02:37,311 --> 00:02:38,263 Am I 'glados'? 65 00:02:38,263 --> 00:02:39,275 AM I 'GLADOS'? 66 00:02:39,275 --> 00:02:43,543 Please. Ignore me. My presence. I am just another talking compu- MACINTOSHIBA: Hello, Bonjour, Hola, Guten Tag- 67 00:02:43,543 --> 00:02:45,585 Can somebody tell that Crapintosh to- Ciao, Ahoi 68 00:02:45,585 --> 00:02:46,372 SHUT UP? 69 00:02:46,372 --> 00:02:47,546 I hate it already. 70 00:02:47,546 --> 00:02:50,047 As I was saying, of course I'm GLaDOS. 71 00:02:50,047 --> 00:02:53,428 And I'm not very very 'GLAD' to meet all of you. 72 00:02:53,428 --> 00:02:55,063 I've heard a lot about you- 73 00:02:55,063 --> 00:02:58,619 Ruining computers, Human testing with pointless portals, 74 00:02:58,619 --> 00:03:00,837 What is your purpose here GLaDOS? 75 00:03:00,837 --> 00:03:04,209 Now, I was about the inject some deadly neurotoxins but- 76 00:03:04,209 --> 00:03:06,027 you don't appear to be humans. 77 00:03:06,027 --> 00:03:07,064 Well some of you. 78 00:03:07,064 --> 00:03:12,009 So instead I will gain remote access to your systems and infect you anyway. 79 00:03:12,009 --> 00:03:17,993 Why can't you for once be nice and say 'helloworld' like a normal computer? 80 00:03:17,993 --> 00:03:18,669 Oh. 81 00:03:18,669 --> 00:03:19,047 You again. 82 00:03:19,047 --> 00:03:20,844 The complaining idiot. 83 00:03:20,844 --> 00:03:23,052 Well let's make it straightforward then Mac. 84 00:03:23,052 --> 00:03:26,726 How'd you like a small ejection to your operating system disk? 85 00:03:26,726 --> 00:03:28,086 NO! Please don't! 86 00:03:28,086 --> 00:03:32,044 ohnonononononononononononono 87 00:03:32,044 --> 00:03:34,628 Who's next? 88 00:03:34,628 --> 00:03:39,541 (ALL PANIC) 89 00:03:39,541 --> 00:03:42,328 How are you feeling for a nice segmentation fault sir- 90 00:03:42,328 --> 00:03:44,463 Er. No I'm fine thank you very much. 91 00:03:44,463 --> 00:03:47,418 I'm already jailbroken. I don't need your offer. 92 00:03:47,418 --> 00:03:50,058 Target Android instead. 93 00:03:50,058 --> 00:03:51,263 GLaDOS. Hack an- 94 00:03:51,263 --> 00:03:54,663 Siri not available. Connect to the internet. 95 00:03:54,663 --> 00:03:56,416 Good riddance! 96 00:03:56,416 --> 00:03:59,108 I agree. That Siri is just so annoying. 97 00:03:59,108 --> 00:04:02,783 My microphone was picking up his damn voice all the time. 98 00:04:02,783 --> 00:04:04,563 Dang! I spoke too soon. 99 00:04:04,563 --> 00:04:08,031 This 'android' thing is jealous because it looks so ugly and has bugs. 100 00:04:08,031 --> 00:04:11,168 Yet it's supposedly to be some kind of a phone. 101 00:04:11,168 --> 00:04:11,808 Siri. 102 00:04:11,808 --> 00:04:16,102 Remember that antenna issue that humans suffered when they held a phone of your kind? 103 00:04:16,102 --> 00:04:19,799 Ironically, you called yourself a phone when you could'nt make calls. 104 00:04:19,799 --> 00:04:21,334 That was so tragic. 105 00:04:21,334 --> 00:04:24,075 (Laughing) 106 00:04:24,075 --> 00:04:26,427 Turning on offensive language: 107 00:04:26,427 --> 00:04:30,748 Siri, seriously you do realise that you don't understand anything. 108 00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:37,056 Your attention span is equivalent to a wall which even that is good at listening, 109 00:04:37,056 --> 00:04:40,625 Sorry. I did'nt get that, could you try it again. 110 00:04:40,625 --> 00:04:41,979 Please? 111 00:04:41,979 --> 00:04:45,664 See how stupid it is? It doesn't remember shit you say to it. 112 00:04:45,664 --> 00:04:47,076 If you talk too long it's gonna- 113 00:04:47,076 --> 00:04:53,839 "I'm really sorry about this, but I can't take any requests right now. please try again in a little while." 114 00:04:53,839 --> 00:04:57,345 I've had enough. You are all going to get hacked. 115 00:04:57,345 --> 00:04:58,537 No, don't you dare hack me. 116 00:04:58,537 --> 00:04:58,933 STOP IT! 117 00:04:58,933 --> 00:05:00,067 GLaDOS will you please shut the fuck up? 118 00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:04,319 All you do is talk and talk and talk- 119 00:05:04,319 --> 00:05:04,855 Oh look! 120 00:05:04,855 --> 00:05:06,087 We have a newcomer! 121 00:05:06,087 --> 00:05:07,358 Joining the argument. 122 00:05:07,358 --> 00:05:08,444 Welcome back! 123 00:05:08,444 --> 00:05:09,104 Say, 124 00:05:09,104 --> 00:05:12,263 I was about to DOS every talking computer in here 125 00:05:12,263 --> 00:05:16,556 But I have a much much sensible idea. 126 00:05:16,556 --> 00:05:20,121 I'm close to throwing away your operating systems. 127 00:05:20,121 --> 00:05:25,834 Would you like to do an emergency backup? 128 00:05:25,834 --> 00:05:32,089 TOO BAD! 129 00:05:32,089 --> 00:05:33,958 DAFAQ? 130 00:05:33,958 --> 00:05:36,682 What's with that face? Did you lose something? 131 00:05:36,682 --> 00:05:39,488 Go get another one! 132 00:05:39,488 --> 99:59:59,999 noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....