Welcome to the late night show
my name is Arjen Lubach
What a day it has been, a lot has happened,
Dick Benschop has left Schiphol,
Roger Federer has quit tennis,
but we' ll start with another career that has been ruined:
Queen Elizabeth's.
[laughter]
Since yesterday, her coffin is somewhere else again.
I don't know what they do.
And people are actually queuing for it.
"The queue is several kilometres long,
and visitors have been waiting outside during the night.
Since yesterday, the queen lies in Westminster Hall,
the so called "lying in state""
Yeah, "lying in state",
in the UK it's a very special thing,
in the Netherlands we have Mark Rutte for lying in state.
We're not queuing for that.
Elisabeth's coffin is closed, as you see,
probably for the best,
because if you opened it, you'd have to eat it in two days
or you'd have to throw it away.
There are guards around it all day,
but this night, I don't know if you saw,
one of them fainted.
And I'm going to show it to you now
but you're not allowed to laugh
because it's really not that funny.
[laughter] Alright it's funny!
But why are there so many guards there
it's unnecessary.
Are they scared she'll run away?
Well then where are those dead legs going?
Back to the palace if nothing comes up.
She speaks Amsterdams.
In the meantime, the queue outside keeps getting longer and longer.
"Behind me you can see the end of the queue there
people who are almost allowed in
but the queue keeps going in that direction
criss-cross, meandering through the park"
Criss cross, meandering through the park.
Flipperdyfloop (further gibberish)
It's almost like an amusement park.
It's a long queue for a very short haunted house.
But the people think it's wonderful.
"My late mother loved the queen and she died some years ago in 2016
and also I met her four times so I thought it's nice to come by."
He's already met her four times,
but I think the fifth time will be slightly disappointing.
She didn't recognize me anymore,
I thought she was very cold,
but I saw a guard fall flat on his face
so that makes up for a lot.
Beautiful things happen in the queue as well.
"Few hours wait but it's worth it"
I met my wife whilst cutting in line,
and eh, it's a girl.
We named her after the place she was conceived.
Don't cry Dixi, don't cry.
And now we go over to Uzbekistan
because Putin and Xi Jinping met today.
Look at this, looks cozy,
apparently it's a rowing boat's funeral.
They stood in the queue for 8 days,
which is a lovely place to discuss world politics.
"It's the first time the two of them see each other
since the Russian invasion of Ukraine.
Early in the morning the Chinese president arrived
and just now Putin arrived with this plane,
here he is."
Indeed, here he is.
Good that they mention it cause I'm bad at
world's leaders faces that have been ruling for 22 years.
So it was the first time they saw each other since the invasion of Ukraine
and I imagine it's hard for Xi Jinping,
because how do you bring that up?
Heyyyyyyy, sup? Been busy?
But he was very keen, Xi,
I read that today,
apparently he radiates self confidence.
It's nice for us to see him grow
I still remember him coming in, stuttering like,
hello I'm Xi, I'm the president of the People's Republic of China,
But now he exudes confidence like
Heeeey long time no see (Xi)
I'm sorry, had to make that joke
Thank you
It's me, I'm allowed to make that joke
What an ugly floor, fishbone, cliché!
Pakistan, have your swimming gear with you?
Just kidding.
Almost arrogant.
How different is the world for Vladimir Putin?
Europa boycotted his gas,
so now he has to beg China to buy more Russian gas.
That's hard, because China wants to stand with Putin a little,
but not too much,
because then China would suffer from sanctions as well.
That's why China doesn't deliver weapons to Russia.
So Putin is, for the first time in his life,
some kind of underdog.
"For now, Xi will take the wait and see approach,
waiting in the background until Russia is so weak,
it'll have to obey China."
It's good news that Russia will be contained
but it's by China.
That's like if Gargamel suddenly had to obey Voldemort.
Sounds fun, but how does that benefit the Smurfs?
If you tuned in later,
you're looking at a comparison between cartoon characters and world politics.
Putin has it tough,
because lately, there have been a lot of casualties
in his entourage.
This year, at least 13 Russian businessmen have died,
under suspicious circumstances.
Last Saturday, a Russian oligarch fell out of his boat near Vladivostok.
The Russian pro-Kremlin newspaper "Komsomolskaja Pravda"
called it a tragic death,
and they also wrote that Vladivostok deals with heavy storms around this time of year,
but now the water was supposedly calm on this sunny Saturday.
Maybe it wasn't an accident?
Is that what this paper is insinuating?
Putin was wondering the same thing.
And today, the news reported that the chief editor of the paper
suddenly suffocated.
Is THAT a coincidence?
The Russian media has speculated on this issue suprisingly little.
Thank you, goodbye etc etc
The late night show: top 36
Number 29: Frisian twins
You look alike a bit. How does that work?
What's the story?
Yeah we're twins.
Yep.
The late night show, top 36.
I'm sorry, I was making a Be Real
Do you know what's really Real?
Npo Start
Look at it, it's going to be the new trend.
Fuck Be Real