[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.00,0:00:02.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Welcome to the late night show
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.18,0:00:03.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my name is Arjen Lubach
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.67,0:00:06.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What a day it has been, a lot has happened,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.39,0:00:08.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Dick Benschop has left Schiphol,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.08,0:00:10.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Roger Federer has quit tennis,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.95,0:00:13.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we' ll start with another career that has been ruined:
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.78,0:00:15.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Queen Elizabeth's.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.85,0:00:18.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.26,0:00:22.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Since yesterday, her coffin is somewhere else again.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.30,0:00:23.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know what they do.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.59,0:00:25.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And people are actually queuing for it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.69,0:00:28.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"The queue is several kilometres long,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.81,0:00:31.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and visitors have been waiting outside during the night.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.54,0:00:34.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Since yesterday, the queen lies in Westminster Hall,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.86,0:00:37.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the so called "lying in state""
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.36,0:00:39.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, "lying in state",
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.04,0:00:40.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the UK it's a very special thing,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.73,0:00:44.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the Netherlands we have Mark Rutte for lying in state.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.30,0:00:46.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We're not queuing for that.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.72,0:00:49.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Elisabeth's coffin is closed, as you see,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.60,0:00:51.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,probably for the best,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.49,0:00:53.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because if you opened it, you'd have to eat it in two days
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.65,0:00:55.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or you'd have to throw it away.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.42,0:01:01.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are guards around it all day,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.27,0:01:03.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but this night, I don't know if you saw,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.35,0:01:04.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one of them fainted.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.71,0:01:06.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'm going to show it to you now
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.18,0:01:07.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but you're not allowed to laugh
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.95,0:01:09.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it's really not that funny.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.82,0:01:20.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughter] Alright it's funny!
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.91,0:01:23.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But why are there so many guards there
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.41,0:01:24.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's unnecessary.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.50,0:01:26.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are they scared she'll run away?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.86,0:01:29.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well then where are those dead legs going?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.49,0:01:34.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Back to the palace if nothing comes up.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.63,0:01:35.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She speaks Amsterdams.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.45,0:01:38.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the meantime, the queue outside keeps getting longer and longer.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.84,0:01:42.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Behind me you can see the end of the queue there
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.22,0:01:44.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people who are almost allowed in
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.11,0:01:47.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the queue keeps going in that direction
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.14,0:01:50.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,criss-cross, meandering through the park"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.12,0:01:53.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Criss cross, meandering through the park.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.33,0:01:55.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Flipperdyfloop (further gibberish)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.95,0:01:58.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's almost like an amusement park.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.00,0:02:02.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a long queue for a very short haunted house.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.42,0:02:05.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the people think it's wonderful.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.87,0:02:09.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"My late mother loved the queen and she died some years ago in 2016
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.08,0:02:12.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and also I met her four times so I thought it's nice to come by."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.44,0:02:14.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He's already met her four times,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.26,0:02:17.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I think the fifth time will be slightly disappointing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.43,0:02:18.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She didn't recognize me anymore,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.75,0:02:20.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought she was very cold,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.83,0:02:22.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I saw a guard fall flat on his face
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.66,0:02:25.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that makes up for a lot.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.49,0:02:27.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Beautiful things happen in the queue as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.00,0:02:29.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Few hours wait but it's worth it"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.81,0:02:31.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I met my wife whilst cutting in line,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.84,0:02:34.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and eh, it's a girl.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.75,0:02:36.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We named her after the place she was conceived.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.78,0:02:40.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't cry Dixi, don't cry.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.79,0:02:43.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And now we go over to Uzbekistan
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.28,0:02:46.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because Putin and Xi Jinping met today.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.29,0:02:48.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look at this, looks cozy,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.96,0:02:53.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,apparently it's a rowing boat's funeral.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.52,0:02:55.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They stood in the queue for 8 days,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.45,0:02:58.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which is a lovely place to discuss world politics.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.53,0:03:01.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"It's the first time the two of them see each other
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.09,0:03:03.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,since the Russian invasion of Ukraine.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.78,0:03:07.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Early in the morning the Chinese president arrived
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.25,0:03:11.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and just now Putin arrived with this plane,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.56,0:03:12.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,here he is."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.60,0:03:14.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Indeed, here he is.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:14.31,0:03:16.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Good that they mention it cause I'm bad at
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.11,0:03:19.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,world's leaders faces that have been ruling for 22 years.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.97,0:03:23.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it was the first time they saw each other since the invasion of Ukraine
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.87,0:03:25.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I imagine it's hard for Xi Jinping,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.33,0:03:27.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because how do you bring that up?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.93,0:03:34.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Heyyyyyyy, sup? Been busy?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.27,0:03:35.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But he was very keen, Xi,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.90,0:03:36.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I read that today,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.92,0:03:39.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,apparently he radiates self confidence.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:39.62,0:03:42.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's nice for us to see him grow
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.03,0:03:44.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I still remember him coming in, stuttering like,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.04,0:03:47.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hello I'm Xi, I'm the president of the People's Republic of China,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.37,0:03:49.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But now he exudes confidence like
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.70,0:03:51.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Heeeey long time no see (Xi)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.65,0:03:55.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sorry, had to make that joke
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.43,0:03:57.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.14,0:03:58.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's me, I'm allowed to make that joke
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.69,0:04:02.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What an ugly floor, fishbone, cliché!
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.64,0:04:04.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pakistan, have your swimming gear with you?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.86,0:04:06.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just kidding.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.82,0:04:08.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Almost arrogant.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.62,0:04:11.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How different is the world for Vladimir Putin?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:11.84,0:04:14.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Europa boycotted his gas,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.37,0:04:17.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so now he has to beg China to buy more Russian gas.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.55,0:04:21.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's hard, because China wants to stand with Putin a little,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.55,0:04:23.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but not too much,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.09,0:04:25.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because then China would suffer from sanctions as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.60,0:04:28.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's why China doesn't deliver weapons to Russia.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.13,0:04:30.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So Putin is, for the first time in his life,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.37,0:04:31.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,some kind of underdog.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.98,0:04:34.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"For now, Xi will take the wait and see approach,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.68,0:04:38.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,waiting in the background until Russia is so weak,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.63,0:04:41.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it'll have to obey China."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.08,0:04:43.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's good news that Russia will be contained
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.81,0:04:45.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it's by China.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.96,0:04:50.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's like if Gargamel suddenly had to obey Voldemort.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.09,0:04:54.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sounds fun, but how does that benefit the Smurfs?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.37,0:04:55.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you tuned in later,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.66,0:05:00.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're looking at a comparison between cartoon characters and world politics.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.55,0:05:02.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Putin has it tough,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.58,0:05:05.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because lately, there have been a lot of {\i1}casualties{\i0}
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.54,0:05:06.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in his entourage.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.59,0:05:09.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This year, at least 13 Russian businessmen have died,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.70,0:05:12.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,under {\i1}suspicious circumstances{\i0}.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.15,0:05:16.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Last Saturday, a Russian oligarch fell out of his boat near Vladivostok.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.77,0:05:19.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Russian pro-Kremlin newspaper "Komsomolskaja Pravda"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.59,0:05:21.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,called it a tragic death,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.67,0:05:27.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they also wrote that Vladivostok deals with heavy storms around this time of year,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.09,0:05:30.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but now the water was supposedly calm on this sunny Saturday.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:30.72,0:05:33.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe it wasn't an accident?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.50,0:05:35.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is that what this paper is insinuating?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.58,0:05:37.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Putin was wondering the same thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.46,0:05:40.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And today, the news reported that the chief editor of the paper
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.66,0:05:43.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,suddenly suffocated.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.39,0:05:44.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Is THAT a coincidence?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.72,0:05:48.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Russian media has speculated on this issue suprisingly little.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.75,0:05:56.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you, goodbye etc etc
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.48,0:05:58.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The late night show: top 36
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.82,0:06:03.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Number 29: Frisian twins
Dialogue: 0,0:06:03.02,0:06:05.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You look alike a bit. How does that work?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.29,0:06:07.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's the story?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:07.28,0:06:10.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah we're twins.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.28,0:06:13.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yep.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.23,0:06:20.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The late night show, top 36.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.10,0:06:26.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm sorry, I was making a Be Real
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.06,0:06:27.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you know what's really Real?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.76,0:06:28.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Npo Start
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.79,0:06:30.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Look at it, it's going to be the new trend.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.96,0:06:32.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fuck Be Real