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Welcome to the late night show
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my name is Arjen Lubach
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What a day it has been, a lot has happened,
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Dick Benschop has left Schiphol,
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Roger Federer has quit tennis,
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but we' ll start with another career that has been ruined:
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Queen Elizabeth's.
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[laughter]
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Since yesterday, her coffin is somewhere else again.
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I don't know what they do.
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And people are actually queuing for it.
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"The queue is several kilometres long,
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and visitors have been waiting outside during the night.
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Since yesterday, the queen lies in Westminster Hall,
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the so called "lying in state""
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Yeah, "lying in state",
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in the UK it's a very special thing,
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in the Netherlands we have Mark Rutte for lying in state.
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We're not queuing for that.
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Elisabeth's coffin is closed, as you see,
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probably for the best,
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because if you opened it, you'd have to eat it in two days
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or you'd have to throw it away.
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There are guards around it all day,
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but this night, I don't know if you saw,
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one of them fainted.
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And I'm going to show it to you now
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but you're not allowed to laugh
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because it's really not that funny.
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[laughter] Alright it's funny!
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But why are there so many guards there
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it's unnecessary.
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Are they scared she'll run away?
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Well then where are those dead legs going?
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Back to the palace if nothing comes up.
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She speaks Amsterdams.
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In the meantime, the queue outside keeps getting longer and longer.
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"Behind me you can see the end of the queue there
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people who are almost allowed in
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but the queue keeps going in that direction
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criss-cross, meandering through the park"
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Criss cross, meandering through the park.
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Flipperdyfloop (further gibberish)
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It's almost like an amusement park.
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It's a long queue for a very short haunted house.
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But the people think it's wonderful.
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"My late mother loved the queen and she died some years ago in 2016
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and also I met her four times so I thought it's nice to come by."
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He's already met her four times,
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but I think the fifth time will be slightly disappointing.
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She didn't recognize me anymore,
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I thought she was very cold,
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but I saw a guard fall flat on his face
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so that makes up for a lot.
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Beautiful things happen in the queue as well.
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"Few hours wait but it's worth it"
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I met my wife whilst cutting in line,
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and eh, it's a girl.
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We named her after the place she was conceived.
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Don't cry Dixi, don't cry.
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And now we go over to Uzbekistan
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because Putin and Xi Jinping met today.
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Look at this, looks cozy,
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apparently it's a rowing boat's funeral.
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They stood in the queue for 8 days,
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which is a lovely place to discuss world politics.
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"It's the first time the two of them see each other
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since the Russian invasion of Ukraine.
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Early in the morning the Chinese president arrived
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and just now Putin arrived with this plane,
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here he is."
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Indeed, here he is.
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Good that they mention it cause I'm bad at
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world's leaders faces that have been ruling for 22 years.
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So it was the first time they saw each other since the invasion of Ukraine
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and I imagine it's hard for Xi Jinping,
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because how do you bring that up?
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Heyyyyyyy, sup? Been busy?
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But he was very keen, Xi,
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I read that today,
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apparently he radiates self confidence.
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It's nice for us to see him grow
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I still remember him coming in, stuttering like,
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hello I'm Xi, I'm the president of the People's Republic of China,
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But now he exudes confidence like
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Heeeey long time no see (Xi)
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I'm sorry, had to make that joke
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Thank you
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It's me, I'm allowed to make that joke
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What an ugly floor, fishbone, cliché!
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Pakistan, have your swimming gear with you?
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Just kidding.
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Almost arrogant.
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How different is the world for Vladimir Putin?
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Europa boycotted his gas,
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so now he has to beg China to buy more Russian gas.
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That's hard, because China wants to stand with Putin a little,
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but not too much,
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because then China would suffer from sanctions as well.
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That's why China doesn't deliver weapons to Russia.
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So Putin is, for the first time in his life,
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some kind of underdog.
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"For now, Xi will take the wait and see approach,
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waiting in the background until Russia is so weak,
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it'll have to obey China."
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It's good news that Russia will be contained
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but it's by China.
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That's like if Gargamel suddenly had to obey Voldemort.
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Sounds fun, but how does that benefit the Smurfs?
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If you tuned in later,
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you're looking at a comparison between cartoon characters and world politics.
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Putin has it tough,
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because lately, there have been a lot of casualties
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in his entourage.
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This year, at least 13 Russian businessmen have died,
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under suspicious circumstances.
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Last Saturday, a Russian oligarch fell out of his boat near Vladivostok.
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The Russian pro-Kremlin newspaper "Komsomolskaja Pravda"
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called it a tragic death,
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and they also wrote that Vladivostok deals with heavy storms around this time of year,
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but now the water was supposedly calm on this sunny Saturday.
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Maybe it wasn't an accident?
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Is that what this paper is insinuating?
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Putin was wondering the same thing.
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And today, the news reported that the chief editor of the paper
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suddenly suffocated.
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Is THAT a coincidence?
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The Russian media has speculated on this issue suprisingly little.
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Thank you, goodbye etc etc
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The late night show: top 36
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Number 29: Frisian twins
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You look alike a bit. How does that work?
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What's the story?
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Yeah we're twins.
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Yep.
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The late night show, top 36.
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I'm sorry, I was making a Be Real
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Do you know what's really Real?
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Npo Start
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Look at it, it's going to be the new trend.
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Fuck Be Real