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Welcome to the late night show

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my name is Arjen Lubach

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What a day it has been, a lot has happened,

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Dick Benschop has left Schiphol,

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Roger Federer has quit tennis,

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but we' ll start with another career that has been ruined:

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Queen Elizabeth's.

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[laughter]

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Since yesterday, her coffin is somewhere else again.

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I don't know what they do.

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And people are actually queuing for it.

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"The queue is several kilometres long,

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and visitors have been waiting outside during the night.

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Since yesterday, the queen lies in Westminster Hall,

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the so called "lying in state""

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Yeah, "lying in state",

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in the UK it's a very special thing,

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in the Netherlands we have Mark Rutte for lying in state.

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We're not queuing for that.

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Elisabeth's coffin is closed, as you see,

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probably for the best,

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because if you opened it, you'd have to eat it in two days

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or you'd have to throw it away.

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There are guards around it all day,

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but this night, I don't know if you saw,

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one of them fainted.

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And I'm going to show it to you now

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but you're not allowed to laugh

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because it's really not that funny.

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[laughter] Alright it's funny!

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But why are there so many guards there

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it's unnecessary.

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Are they scared she'll run away?

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Well then where are those dead legs going?

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Back to the palace if nothing comes up.

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She speaks Amsterdams.

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In the meantime, the queue outside keeps getting longer and longer.

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"Behind me you can see the end of the queue there

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people who are almost allowed in

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but the queue keeps going in that direction

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criss-cross, meandering through the park"

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Criss cross, meandering through the park.

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Flipperdyfloop (further gibberish)

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It's almost like an amusement park.

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It's a long queue for a very short haunted house.

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But the people think it's wonderful.

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"My late mother loved the queen and she died some years ago in 2016

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and also I met her four times so I thought it's nice to come by."

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He's already met her four times,

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but I think the fifth time will be slightly disappointing.

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She didn't recognize me anymore,

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I thought she was very cold,

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but I saw a guard fall flat on his face

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so that makes up for a lot.

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Beautiful things happen in the queue as well.

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"Few hours wait but it's worth it"

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I met my wife whilst cutting in line,

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and eh, it's a girl.

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We named her after the place she was conceived.

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Don't cry Dixi, don't cry.

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And now we go over to Uzbekistan

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because Putin and Xi Jinping met today.

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Look at this, looks cozy,

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apparently it's a rowing boat's funeral.

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They stood in the queue for 8 days,

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which is a lovely place to discuss world politics.

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"It's the first time the two of them see each other

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since the Russian invasion of Ukraine.

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Early in the morning the Chinese president arrived

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and just now Putin arrived with this plane,

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here he is."

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Indeed, here he is.

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Good that they mention it cause I'm bad at

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world's leaders faces that have been ruling for 22 years.

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So it was the first time they saw each other since the invasion of Ukraine

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and I imagine it's hard for Xi Jinping,

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because how do you bring that up?

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Heyyyyyyy, sup? Been busy?

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But he was very keen, Xi,

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I read that today,

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apparently he radiates self confidence.

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It's nice for us to see him grow

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I still remember him coming in, stuttering like,

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hello I'm Xi, I'm the president of the People's Republic of China,

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But now he exudes confidence like

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Heeeey long time no see (Xi)

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I'm sorry, had to make that joke

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Thank you

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It's me, I'm allowed to make that joke

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What an ugly floor, fishbone, cliché!

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Pakistan, have your swimming gear with you?

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Just kidding.

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Almost arrogant.

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How different is the world for Vladimir Putin?

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Europa boycotted his gas,

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so now he has to beg China to buy more Russian gas.

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That's hard, because China wants to stand with Putin a little,

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but not too much,

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because then China would suffer from sanctions as well.

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That's why China doesn't deliver weapons to Russia.

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So Putin is, for the first time in his life,

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some kind of underdog.

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"For now, Xi will take the wait and see approach,

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waiting in the background until Russia is so weak,

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it'll have to obey China."

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It's good news that Russia will be contained

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but it's by China.

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That's like if Gargamel suddenly had to obey Voldemort.

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Sounds fun, but how does that benefit the Smurfs?

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If you tuned in later,

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you're looking at a comparison between cartoon characters and world politics.

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Putin has it tough,

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because lately, there have been a lot of <i>casualties</i>

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in his entourage.

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This year, at least 13 Russian businessmen have died,

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under <i>suspicious circumstances</i>.

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Last Saturday, a Russian oligarch fell out of his boat near Vladivostok.

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The Russian pro-Kremlin newspaper "Komsomolskaja Pravda"

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called it a tragic death,

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and they also wrote that Vladivostok deals with heavy storms around this time of year,

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but now the water was supposedly calm on this sunny Saturday.

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Maybe it wasn't an accident?

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Is that what this paper is insinuating?

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Putin was wondering the same thing.

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And today, the news reported that the chief editor of the paper

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suddenly suffocated.

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Is THAT a coincidence?

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The Russian media has speculated on this issue suprisingly little.

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Thank you, goodbye etc etc

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The late night show: top 36

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Number 29: Frisian twins

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You look alike a bit. How does that work?

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What's the story?

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Yeah we're twins.

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Yep.

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The late night show, top 36.

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I'm sorry, I was making a Be Real

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Do you know what's really Real?

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Npo Start

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Look at it, it's going to be the new trend.

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Fuck Be Real