WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.380 What's up cinephiles, I'm Evasive, 00:00:02.380 --> 00:00:05.769 and this piece of paper right here means two things: 00:00:05.769 --> 00:00:08.510 Number one, I am tens of thousands of 00:00:08.510 --> 00:00:09.820 dollars in debt, 00:00:09.820 --> 00:00:13.270 and number two, I know a lot about movies. 00:00:13.270 --> 00:00:14.561 And since it looks like the U.S government 00:00:14.561 --> 00:00:16.909 is not going to be giving me any debt relief this year, 00:00:16.909 --> 00:00:19.669 I have no choice now but to torture myself on the Internet 00:00:19.669 --> 00:00:21.649 for money to pay off the loans 00:00:21.649 --> 00:00:23.159 I took out to go to film school. 00:00:23.159 --> 00:00:24.006 (eEeEewWwWw!) 00:00:24.006 --> 00:00:26.566 So for this video, I watched every movie that's ever won 00:00:26.566 --> 00:00:29.006 a Razzie Award for Worst Picture of the Year. 00:00:29.006 --> 00:00:31.196 This was an extremely painful experience 00:00:31.196 --> 00:00:33.257 and I regretted my decision immediately, 00:00:33.257 --> 00:00:35.367 but for the sake of my adoring fans 00:00:35.367 --> 00:00:36.407 and my bank account, 00:00:36.407 --> 00:00:38.547 I went ahead and watched all 46 of these 00:00:38.547 --> 00:00:40.357 movies so I could explain them to you. 00:00:40.357 --> 00:00:43.027 But after the grueling experience of watching all these movies, 00:00:43.027 --> 00:00:45.247 I'm not about to tackle this breakdown alone. 00:00:45.247 --> 00:00:46.947 So I went ahead and roped in another video 00:00:46.947 --> 00:00:49.028 essay girly and a talking trash can 00:00:49.028 --> 00:00:51.047 to help explain some of these movies for me. 00:00:53.291 --> 00:00:56.331 But before I get to the movies, let me explain what the Razzies are. 00:00:59.810 --> 00:01:02.469 The Golden Raspberry Awards are an annual event, 00:01:02.469 --> 00:01:04.579 usually held the night before the Oscars, 00:01:04.579 --> 00:01:06.959 to give out awards for the worst movies of the year. 00:01:06.959 --> 00:01:09.059 It was founded by Hollywood copywriter 00:01:09.059 --> 00:01:11.389 John Wilson and editor Maureen Murphy. 00:01:11.389 --> 00:01:12.899 The idea for the Razzies came about 00:01:12.899 --> 00:01:14.699 in 1980 when Wilson saw 00:01:14.699 --> 00:01:16.899 Can't Stop the Music and Xanadu 00:01:16.899 --> 00:01:18.813 back to back and hated them both 00:01:18.813 --> 00:01:20.084 so much he thought there ought 00:01:20.084 --> 00:01:21.958 to be an award show for this type of thing. 00:01:21.958 --> 00:01:23.458 Months later, Wilson hosted an 00:01:23.458 --> 00:01:25.358 Oscars watch party at his house, 00:01:25.358 --> 00:01:27.408 and after the Oscars had finished, 00:01:27.408 --> 00:01:29.958 he and Murphy passed out ballots to everyone at the party to vote 00:01:29.958 --> 00:01:31.578 on the worst movies of the year, 00:01:31.578 --> 00:01:33.888 and then he announced the winners in his living room. 00:01:33.888 --> 00:01:36.008 Over time, the ceremony grew and grew, 00:01:36.008 --> 00:01:37.494 and today they're considered a staple 00:01:37.494 --> 00:01:39.134 of the Hollywood award season 00:01:39.134 --> 00:01:41.384 as a low-budget Bizarro World Oscars 00:01:41.384 --> 00:01:43.346 that distributes awards in categories 00:01:43.346 --> 00:01:45.516 such as Worst Actor, Worst Director, 00:01:45.516 --> 00:01:46.946 and Worst Screenplay. 00:01:46.946 --> 00:01:49.626 Unlike the qualifications for voting at the Oscars, though, 00:01:49.626 --> 00:01:51.826 becoming a Razzie voter is very easy: 00:01:51.826 --> 00:01:53.925 either be friends with one of the producers 00:01:53.925 --> 00:01:56.365 or just pay a $40 membership fee. 00:01:56.365 --> 00:01:58.095 That's all it takes. 00:01:58.095 --> 00:01:59.785 So that's the story of the Razzies. 00:01:59.785 --> 00:02:01.858 Now, are you ready to learn about every single movie 00:02:01.858 --> 00:02:03.608 that won Worst Picture? 00:02:04.838 --> 00:02:05.798 Because I wasn't. 00:02:05.798 --> 00:02:08.796 There's 46 of these things, so I'm going to talk about each one 00:02:08.796 --> 00:02:10.049 just a minute or two 00:02:10.049 --> 00:02:11.536 and hand off a few to my guests 00:02:11.536 --> 00:02:13.656 so I don't completely lose my mind here. 00:02:13.656 --> 00:02:16.186 Also, I put a content warning on a bunch of these movies 00:02:16.186 --> 00:02:18.596 because of the sensitive subject matter I discuss. 00:02:18.596 --> 00:02:22.029 Not trying to traumatize anybody but myself in this video... 00:02:22.686 --> 00:02:24.276 well, me and my guests. 00:02:25.109 --> 00:02:27.489 But I commissioned them for this, so i-- it's fine. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Anybody who can swallow two snowballs and a ding-dong 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 shouldn't have any trouble with pride. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Evasive] The first movie to win Worst Picture was "Can't Stop The Music". 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 A movie about the "origins" of the disco group "Village People". 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I say origins in air-quotes because the Village People play themselves 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and the plot is completely made-up 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and not at all how the Village People actually formed 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The movie itself is super campy and full of these crazy musical numbers 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that are unironically kinda great. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's just too bad that in between those musical numbers are these scenes 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 with really terrible acting that go on for way too long. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Wait a minute! I am not taking one more step 'til I know where I'm going." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Yeah, quit my job, and you got me walking the beat again!" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - "And I'm not even getting paid for it!" - "Hey, hold your horses." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "I told ya I had a surprise for ya." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "I hope so. I turned in my coin change with the toll booth." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Evasive] By 1980 the disco fad was almost over and 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 people loved to hate on disco music at the time 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 so you can see why this ended up being such a huge bomb. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Also, shockingly, this movie marks the first film appearance of Caitlyn Jenner 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and apparently the experience was so bad 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 she didn't appear in a movie again until "Jack & Jill 2011". 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And, uh, well. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Mommie Dearest is a "biopic" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 about the life of actress Joan Crawford's adopted daughter Christina. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Again, I say biopic in air-quotes because the movie was based on 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Christina Crawford's controversial memoir 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that other members of Joan Crawford's family disavowed when it came out. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I haven't done much research on the topic 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 so I'm in no position to question this story. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But I will say that after the movie was made 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Christina said the film was grotesque and not true to her memoir. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Released just 4 years after Joan Crawford passed away, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 this movie basically spits all over her fresh grave 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and portrays her as a horrible mother 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who frequently, physically and emotionally abused her daughter. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Whether or not this is actually true is still a matter of debate. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Regardless of the real-life circumstances behind the movie, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Faye Dunway's performance of Joan Crawford is iconic now. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 People who have unfortunately experienced emotional abuse from a parent 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 found her performance scarily true to their own life experiences 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but general audiences thought she was just being outrageously campy 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and over the top the whole movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Because of its reputation, the movie became a queer cult classic over the years 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 especially in the drag community. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It was even featured in the most recent season of RuPaul's Drag Race. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "No wire hangers!" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 ♫ No more wire hangers ♫ ♫ Ah, ah! ♫ 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 ♫ No, no, wire hangers ♫ ♫ No, no, no, no ♫ 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Evasive] Inchon is a movie about the battle of Incheon in the Korean War. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It was financed and produced by the Unification Church, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 a movement that was and still is considered a dangerous cult 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 with a leader who called himself the second coming of Jesus Christ. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The film's producer was a very wealthy member of the church. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He said he was instructed by God to make the film. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So, unsurprisingly, no investors wanted any part of this. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 All 46 million dollars of the budget was provided by the church and its followers. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The film itself doesn't have much to do with the Unification Church. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's a straightforward war movie that's just boring and unremarkable. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It had some star power but only because the actors in it were paid a lot of money. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 With Laurence Olivier even admitting before the movie was released 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that he was only in it for the money. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It was such a flop that no one even bothered to release it on home media. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The only available version of the movie today 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 was from an old VHS rip from when it played on Unification Church TV channel. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The only thing worth seeing in this movie was Laurence Olivier's makeup job. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I mean he looks like the Joker. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This movie is just tasteless. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it's based on a novel by Harold Robbins 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who was paid 600 000 dollars for the film rights 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and apparently fell asleep in the screening room 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and never actually watched the movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 First of all, in the first 15 minutes, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 young Ray Liotta, in his first ever movie role, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 sexually assaults the main character with a garden hose. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 After that the rest of the movie is just her being forced to have sex 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 with gross older men in order to get ahead in Hollywood. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And you see all of it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It seems like it was trying to criticize sexism in Hollywood 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but instead of handling it with any kind of nuance or respect, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the movie fully shows the sex scenes 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and does the very thing it's trying to critique. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The final scene of the movie shows her winning an Oscar for Best Screenplay 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and calling out the men who took advantage of her 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 in her acceptance speech. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Then she's booed off stage, and leaves, and the movie just ends there. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's really uncomfortable to watch. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But somehow the next movie is even worse. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Ugh, god, ok. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Bolero is a movie by John Derek. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 John Derek is— (groan) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 John Derek was an old Hollywood actor 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who appeared in supporting roles in several big movies in the 1940s and 50s. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 In 1973 when Derek was 47 years old, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 he traveled to Europe to direct a low-budget movie called 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Once upon a Love" starring a 16 year old girl named 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Mary Cathleen Collins". 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 During the production— (retching) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm sorry. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 During the production, John Derek left his wife 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and groomed Mary Collins into a sexual relationship, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 With the two staying in Europe until she turned 18 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 so he could avoid statutory (censor beep) charges. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 When they got married a few years later, she changed her name to Bo Derek 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and proceeded to star in all of his movies until he died in 1998. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (retching) (vomit squelching) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm sorry. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So anyway, Bolero was a movie about a young woman fresh from college 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who travels to Morocco in Spain to lose her virginity. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If that wasn't bad enough, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 this movie features a full-frontal nudity scene with a 14 year old girl. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Not an actress playing a 14 year old girl. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 An actual 14 year old girl. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (retching, vomit squelching) (coughing) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If you've never seen any Rambo movies before 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the image you probably associate with the word "Rambo" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 is the one where hypermasculine Sylvester Stallone 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 is firing a machine gun without a shirt on. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But see, that's actually from this movie, "Rambo First Blood: Part II", 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 which has very little to do with Part 1 at all. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The whole point of the first Rambo movie was that 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Rambo was a Vietnam War veteran with severe PTSD 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who snaps and kills a bunch of small-time cops who treat him like shit. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This sequel, on the other hand 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 throws that tragic anti-war character out the window 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 as the US government sends him back to Vietnam 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to locate prisoners of war 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and Rambo is weirdly ok with that. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's like he immediately got over his PTSD 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and just got straight to blowing stuff up, no problem. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This movie was a massive box office success 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and made double of what the first movie made, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 so naturally, Rambo III also ditched the anti-war angle 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and sent Rambo to Afghanistan. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I dunno if someone thought the first movie was amazing, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it really sucks to see how quickly they ruined this character. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But, like, I get it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The people who went to see these sequels in theaters 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 didn't watch it for the plot. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 They watched to see Sylvester Stallone do this. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (bow twang) (explosion) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 In the early 80s, Prince was a rising star. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And his stardom was cemented in 1984 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 with the massive hit that was Purple Rain. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 After the success of Purple Rain, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Warner Brothers told Prince he was basically allowed to do anything he wanted for his next project, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 greenlighting Under the Cherry Moon without even reading the script 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the story is, Prince plays a guy in the French Rivier named Christopher 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He and his friend Tricky try to scam a rich girl out of her inheritance 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but they both end up falling in love with her. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Problem with the movie became apparent early on 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 when Prince hired someone with no experience to write the script. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Then 16 days into filming, the director quit. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And Prince took over even though he had no experience directing a movie before. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The end result was a movie that features what I can only describe as 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Acting. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Don't try anything funny. Not this time, Christopher." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "I want the money or I throw you both out onto the street." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (gasp) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "That's right, [inaudible]" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Throw me onto the street?" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's bizarre, it's one of those movies where the acting is so bad it loops around to being funny 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 which has given the movie a bit of a cult following over the years 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that and the soundtrack is amazing 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 like with Purple Rain Prince released an album with the movie that went Platinum 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and is today remembered as one of the most iconic movies of his career 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 After Under the Cherry Moon failed, Prince tried one more time to direct a feature-length movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but that one got nominated for a bunch of Razzies too 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and after that he gave up and never tried to direct a movie again. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Also this here marks the first ever tie in Razzies history with Under the Cherry Moon tieing with 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (laughing) Howard the Duck. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (laughing) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Greetings, Evasive viewers, it is I, young Junko, expert in Bird Law 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and I'm here to defend my client Howard T. Duck, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 star of the Razzies' Worst Film of 1986, Howard The Duck 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 For nearly the last 40 years my client's reputation has been tarnished and slandered against 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 by quack punch, chicken shit critics for this tragic box office bomb. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Central character, the Duck, the one that we're gonna be rooting for, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 he's neither funny, or bit of funny." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But I'm here to clear the air. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Howard the Duck is not a movie, no, it's a documentary. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I know this because I was there. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 We all were. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 My entire clan witnessed my client crash land on Earth 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to star in a motion picture that of which has been 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it's still awful. It's bad. We're not winning this case, buddy. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "I wasn't trying anything. Honest!" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This is a strange movie to say the least. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Howard the Duck notoriously opens with 2 instances of 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 full frontal duck booba in the span of 30 seconds. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But the rest of the movie is this whiplash 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 between what's a squeaky clean full house type family movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that no one older than the age of 3 years old would find funny 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 followed by things like Marty McFly's mom showing off her ass and 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 pulling off a condom for Howard's corkscrew. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Howard…" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's like anti-matter Shrek where they didn't know how to mix adult humor and the kids' [inaudible] properly yet 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 so [inaudible] becomes this overly long bland comedy 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 with hardly any intentional laughs 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that just happens to throw in something totally obscene every now and then 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - [Howard] Oh! - I just can't resist your 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 intense animal magnetism. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 There's a lot of attempts at duck puns, most are just replacing a random phrase in a word with "duck" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "That's it. No more Mr. Nice Duck." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Even the director's name is Willard Hyuck. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's a duck name. That's a name you give a duck. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The first half of the movie has Howard pointlessly meandering 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 there's no funny interactions or observations or memorable bits 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it's just an aimless movie with the guy in the duck suit. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You have an entire portion of the movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 where Howard has a job as a towel boy in a sex club 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it's fun for the whole family! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yeah, Breeders, what the hell. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Bareback bestiality and pedophilia. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh yeah, we find Howard getting a [inaudible] as a result of a [inaudible] incident. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Which also [inadubile] a Palpatine somehow returning from the dead and possessing the body of that one actor that's in every 80s movie who'd later be arrested for being a sex pervert. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Whaddya think you'd like to eat?" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "I no longer need human food." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I need little boy butts. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You have a movie where a talking duck fires a giant laser 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 at a hell portal to stop a horde of alien warlords 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 from taking over the Earth 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and they still manage to make it a total snooze fest 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 They try to give Howard a bit of edge 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but he still feels too kiddy and sanitized for what they're going for 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And part of that is his design. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He looks like a cross of a Furby and Mac Culkin. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 There are some things I did like, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 like these alien overlords are pretty cool 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 their design and their stop motion is really well done 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and the sequence where Howard gets shot into space 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 is pretty neat, pretty impressive to look at. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I like this sequence where Howard and [inaudible] get a [inaudible] 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and start flying away from the cops 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that was good. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yeah, Tim Robins is in this 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Imagine having what's considered one of the best movies of all time as part of your portfolio 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and then on the other end of the spectrum having Howard the Duck, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 now that's range 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Genuinely I was taken aback because some of the shots in this movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 undeniably go hard. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I feel like there's a version of this movie that could've actualy been good with less work 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 like if they leaned into Howard being this cynical wise-cracking duck 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that's down on his luck who gets thrust into Earth and finds this strange new realm 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 isn't so much different from his own 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 then it's all about the bills baby put it on my belt 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [inaudible] taking that as an opportunity for a fresh start, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 slowly climbing his way up the corporate ladder 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 until becoming a national celebrity that gets caught up in 80s consumerism and greed 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 then maybe having begrudgingly involved in some of the weird sci-fi stuff like the comics, i dunno 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm not sure how to defend my client, give him the chair. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Howard screams) NOTE Paragraph 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Evasive laughing) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Alright, I may not be able to defend Howard, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but know this: from this day forth, I will ensure every client of mine 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 is proven innocent. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now for my next client, I will be defending one Bill Cosby. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Bill Co-Bill Cosby. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm good. Your Honor? I would draw. We're done here. We're done. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's Leonard, part 6. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Ask anyone who's seen this movie they'll tell you 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that's when they first knew lil' Bill was a real piece of shit 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 When I heard there was a comedy movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that just started on part 6 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I thought, hey, maybe this movie could be bad in a good way, at the very least 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Nope, it's just bad, it's boring, it's so boring. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If there's one thing Cosby was always a master at 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it's making people very sleepy. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The whole thing was supposed to be a spoof on the spy genre, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 sorta like Naked Gun, except they actually came out a year before that movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 They really just had the cameras rolling and had Bill Cosby do whatever he wanted 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 There's a bunch of weird sex shit 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I mean the clues are all there, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 in the movie his wife divorced him because he slept with a 19 year old 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and his daughter is dating a much older man to further her career as an actress 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 so then Leonard has to see her flash her tits on stage 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 for no reason, none of these scenes add anything to the movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I think Cosby just wanted to look at some young girl tits 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The whole film has this lethargic and slow energy to it 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Everything from the dialogue to the editing, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it's like watching a movie at 0.5 speed. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The movie opens with Leonard and an assassin having a little shootout in a kitchen 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The joke being that what they're doing is actually helping to prep some of the food 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Ok, could be funny but the pace of it all is so bizarrely off by a step 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Every gag and bit is like this, like they took something that was 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 maybe a 3 out of 10 joke at best and spread it so thin that 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 you ask yourself was there even a joke at all to begin with? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The plot follows Leonard being the best agent in the world 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who's long been retired after being pulled back for one last mission 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 after a buncha animals under mind control start killing people 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yet again a god-awful 80s comedy starts of with an animal looking at a porno mag 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Here's two fucking nickels 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The entire first half is him just stumbling around tryna get back with his ex wife 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who pours soup on him—what is this gag? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Is this a fetish, Mr. Cosby? You think this was genuinely funny? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [mocking] We'll have him pour soup. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Cosby doesn't have a single funny line or hook to his character 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 you can tell he's put zero effort into any of this 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's like he said "Yeah I'll do the movie but I don't wanna look too stupid, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 don't make me look too stupid." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Most of these so-called jokes are what the most boring uptight person in the world would think being silly is. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [mocking] Oh, look, wow he's being a ballerina, so girly. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh, wow, he's doing a silly fitness tape, how can he subject himself to that. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh, wee, it's like he thinks these things are so beneath him 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that just him doing it would be funny. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What a piece of shit. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You know what really makes me mad, though? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's completely unfair. Because everyone seems to be trying, but him. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 There's a part where Leonard tries to free all the animals from captivity, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and I just wanna recognize this bird right here. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Who in this 5 second shot, bends the bars of his cage with his beak and breaks free 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 God bless this bird. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This bird put more effort than Bill Cosby in his own movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This bird did not deserve to be in one of the worst movies of all time. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 None of these animals did. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This ostrich didn't deserve to be betrayed with a sex criminal grinding his pudding pop on its back. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If audiences in 1987 hated this, watching it now, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 with all the humor naturally diluted even further to the passage of time 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 is like drinking a 40 year old can of new coke 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and when Bill's the one handing you the drink 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it's safe to say you probably shouldn't drink it 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (gurgling) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Cocktail is a movie where young Tom Cruise plays a bartender in Manhattan 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 then he movies to Jamaica and falls in love with a girl 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but then he loses her and moves back to New York to win her back 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and that's pretty much it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What you see is what you get with this one. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's a really mediocre movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Not that good, but not that bad either. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Well except for this scene where Tom Cruise stands on a bar 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and reads his shitty poetry. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This is pretty cringey. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "America's getting stinking on something I stir or shake." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (laughing) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "I make drinks so sweet and snazz-ay iced tea the kamikaze, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (hollering) the sex on the beach is Schnapps made from peach 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the ball and hammer the Alabama slammer." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Unsurprisingly with Tom Cruise starring, this movie was a massive success, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 earning a ridiculous 171 million dollars on a 20 million dollar budget. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's also the movie the Beach Boys "Kokomo" song was written for. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Besides that, not much to talk about here. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm pretty sure it only won Worst Picture because this was the year Rain Man was favored to win Best Picture 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and the voters probably thought it was funny to make both the Best and Worst Picture be Tom Cruise movies. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Ok before making this video, I haven't actually watched any Star Trek at all. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But because I'm committed to my craft, I went ahead and watched all 6 original movies 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 just so I can understand why this one is considered the worst. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 After all that, I—yeah. I get it now. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's not a horrible movie but especially compared to the previous ones in the series, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Star Trek V is pretty bad. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Pretty much everything went wrong behind the scenes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 William Shatner directed it with no prior directing experience 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 nobody could agree on anything during the writing process, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 there was a writers' strike 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 then a Teamsters strike 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 They shot a lot of the movie in the Mojave Desert 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 which is just as miserable as it sounds. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And after the filming was done, they only had 3 months to make the special effects, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and all the best special effects technicians in Hollywood were busy making 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Indiana Jones 3 and Ghostbusters II at the time. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Do I think this movie deserved Worst Picture? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 No. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It does some wacky things like introduce Spock's long-lost brother that he never mentioned before 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 or show Kirk getting mauled by a cat woman. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But overall I really don't think it's that bad. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But to be honest, I'm not a Trekkie who had to see 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Captain Kirk show up on the Enterprise in a "Go climb a rock t-shirt" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 …So…I mean…is that bad? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I actually don't know. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Can someone in the comments tell me if that's bad, if that's out of character? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I actually don't know if I'm supposed to be mad at this or not. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The Adventures of Ford Fairlane was a "comedy" starring Andrew Dice Clay. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If you don't know who Andrew Dice Clay is, he was a comedian most active in the late 80s and early 90s 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who was known as the Dice Man, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 which was basically a cover for him to tell the most offensive jokes he possibly could. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "And they're always on parade." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "They march down the street with t-shirts and flags saying 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 'I want money for AIDS disease.' Beautiful. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I want money for a fucking car, I ain't marching up and down the street 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Get a job, butt slammer." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Evasive] The movie itself is about a detective, I guess, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I dunno, it's just not funny at all. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Honestly I was on my phone the whole time because I was just so bored. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - "I got something serious to discuss." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Yeah, what is it, premature ejaculation?" (laughing) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Like that time we were at our parents' wedding anniversary, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and I told that joke, 'What's the definition of vagina? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The box that peanuts come in!'" (laugh) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Gilbert Godfrey plays the only funny character in the movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but he dies like 25 minutes in and the rest is just a boring mess to follow. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The director Renny Harlin was also working on Die Hard 2 at the time 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 which ended up in theaters at the exact same time as Ford Fairlane 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and when you look at the money comparison between the two movies 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 yeah, it's pretty obvious which movie he cared about more. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Clint Eastwood. I fucked him. Oh!" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Evasive] 1990 was another tie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 with Ford Fairlane tieing with another movie from unapologetic (censor beep) phile John Derek. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 In this one, Bo Derek plays a woman married to a much older man 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and when the older man dies, his ghost takes up residence in her head 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and goads her into murdering another man 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 so he can possess his body and have sex with her again. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's a supernatural dirty old man movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 where John Derek fantasizes about living rent-free in Bo Derek's head after he dies. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Plus this ended up being his last movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It would be poetic if it wasn't so disgusting. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Bo was very very young. Linda was very young… 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I guess I just meet them young, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 before they're wise enough to know I'm not the guy." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Anyway the acting was bad, the story was bad, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the visuals are bad, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but the real cherry on top here was this movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 was the first film appearance of Donald Trump. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 No joke, Trump's first movie was made by a (censor beep) phile. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He even does a little duck face in it, look at him. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Poetic. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Just watch this clip. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Woah!" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Happy (inaudible)" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Oh no! How's my driving? 1800-I'm gonna-(censor beep)-die!" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Evasive] Bruce Willis plays a master burglar fresh out of prison who 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 was blackmailed into stealing some art 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but it turns out it's all part of a conspiracy to build a secret machine 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 invented by Leonardo Da Vinci that can turn lead into gold. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 At this point in his career, Bruce Willis was mainly known for Die Hard I and II. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And was looking to branch out a bit with Hudson Hawk. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But apparently he couldn't decide what he wanted the movie to be. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 In an interview, one of the writers later said: 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I started to know we were in trouble when Joel and Bruce would say during filming 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You know what this is? This is a Pink Panther movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The next day they'd say 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You know what this is? This is an American James Bond movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Then it would be: You know what this is? This is North by Northwest. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I even remember someone saying: 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You know what this is? This is Casino Royale. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Eventually I realized that if every day they were saying it was something different 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 by the time we got to the editing room, we were gonna be in trouble. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So yeah, the final product is all over the place, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but the movie has developed a bit of a cult following over the years 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 just because it's so…so silly 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - (screaming) - Honey? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Ball ball? - Woof! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (dog screaming) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Evasive] Here's another movie that's really not that bad. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's a World War II movie where Melanie Griffith is a half Jewish woman 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 with no spy experience who signs herself up to be a spy in Berlin 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because she wants to prove herself and save her Jewish cousins who are in hiding. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Michael Douglas plays another spy 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and pre-Schindler's List Liam Neeson plays a Nazi officer. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Most of the complaints about the movie were aimed at how unbelievable Melanie Griffith is at being a spy 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because she was really bad at her job. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Like "spilling soup on Liam Neeson and taking the German kids she's nannying 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to the building her cousins are hiding in" kind of bad 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But overall it's not that awful of a movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because the plot holes and writing problems are balanced out by a good soundtrack and good cinematography 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's just average. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Not bad enough to be memorable but not good enough that you'd ever wanna watch it again. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Basically the cinematic equivalent of eating at Denny's. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I think 1992 was just a slow year for bad movies in general. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That same year they also nominated Newsies for Worst Picture 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and Danny DeVito for Worst Supporting Actor 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 like…what? Why? How? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Once again, this is a movie that's not that bad. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's a drama where Woody Harrelson and Demi Moore 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 play a financially struggling married couple in Vegas 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and Robert Redford is a filthy rich guy 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who offers the couple 1 million dollars for a 1 night stand with Demi Moore. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Honestly, it's fine. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It takes itself very seriously and it's vaguely misogynistic at points. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Also it's completely unbelievable that a man who looks like Robert Redford 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 would pay a million dollars to sleep with someone. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But in the context of the movie it all works. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Definitely not the worst movie of the year that's for sure. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I mean you're telling me that Indecent Proposal won Worst Picture but Mr. Nanny wasn't even nominated? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Razzie voters were asleep at the wheel this year. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 In this one Bruce Willis plays a psychologist who can't see the color red 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who gets wrapped up in a murder after his colleague 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 gets killed Assassin's Creed-style and he suspects it was someone in his therapy group. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm so confused why it was even nominated for Worst Picture because this wasn't even a bad movie at all. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's surreal and weird sure but it's in a Twin Peaks style of way that still makes it unsettling and fun to watch. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Definitely a 6.5 out of 10 movie for me. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Maybe a 7 out of 10 I dunno. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This is another one that became a cult hit after it was released on home video. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Partly because of this crazy sex scene in a pool that everybody wanted to see 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It was even streaming on Criterion Channel at one point 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 which basically means that it's certified art. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's all I have to say. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I dunno guys, some of these 90s movies aren't even bad enough to complain about. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 There's a lot to be said about Showgirls. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 First of all, Director Paul Verhoeven was the first to accept his Razzie award in person. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And that's kind of funny. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And I'm very happy because it was much more fun than reading the reviews in September. Thank you. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (clapping, cheering) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Second of all, Showgirls isn't bad. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's actually a great movie, in my opinion, and a lot of people agree. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It is a wild movie about high budget Las Vegas strip shows 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And obviously with subject matter like that 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 you're going to view the movie very differently 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 depending on your gender and sexuality. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But regardless of what kind of person you are 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the experience of watching this movie is an absolute rollercoaster 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "One. Two. Three." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Thrust it. Thrust it. Thrust it." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Come on, thrust it." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But for as over the top as this movie is it's also pretty true to life. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 During his research, writer Joe [Esterhazs] interviewed 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 over two hundred strippers in Las Vegas 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and the result was a shockingly realistic depiction of the lives of high profile sex workers and performers 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And a biting satire against show business in general. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Take a look at these tits. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What are these, watermelons? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This is a stage, babes, it's not a patch. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 See ya. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Your ears are sticking out. They are. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Come back and see me when you get em fixed. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 See ya. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Can you spell MGM backwards? I bet you can't. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - MGM. - I'm impressed. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Come back when you fuck some of those baby fat off. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now in today's era of gritty HBO dramas, none of this is that shocking 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but in 1995 this was next level stuff. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Plus with the subject matter, this movie has a lot of nudity. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It was rated NC-17 in America 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and to date it is the only NC-17 movie that was given a wide release in theaters. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It was so explicit and controversial that MGM had to hire security at every movie theater in America 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 just to make sure nobody under the age of 18 snuck into the theater. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The movie lost millions of dollars and to this day, no studio has ever dared to try and release an NC-17 movie in theaters again. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If this sounds interesting to you, I actually really recommend giving this movie a watch 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because I can't really do it justice with just words alone. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Just know what you're getting into before you turn it on 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because this movie is every bit as traumatic as it is glamorous 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And actually to prove to you how much I like this movie, watch this. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm a showgirl. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm a showgirl, baby. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm a showgirl. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 In the mid-90s, Demi Moore was one of the biggest film stars in the world. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And the world was dying to know, what do Demi Moore's boobs look like? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's actually the only reason this movie exists. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 They paid Demi Moore 12.5 million dollars 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the most any woman had ever been paid for a movie role at the time 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 just so she would star in this movie and show her boobs to the camera. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This movie is like if Showgirls was actually bad. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Demi Moore plays an FBI agent who loses her daughter in a custody battle 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and then becomes a stripper in Florida at a place called Eager Beaver 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to pay for a court appeal. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 She basically girlbosses being a stripper. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Not in a nuanced way like Showgirls though. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But in a stupid way that it takes itself seriously 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and is mostly boring and not believable at all. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Despite the bad reviews, the movie ended up being such a huge success 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and the director-writer-producer Andrew Bergman basically quit Hollywood after this movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm pretty sure what happened is once he got Demi Moore to agree to go topless, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 he basically just phoned it in for the rest of the movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because clearly the audiences who were going to see this 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 weren't watching for the plot. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But what can I say? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's showbiz, baby. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's…that's showbiz, baby. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The Postman takes place in a distant future year of 2013 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 after much of humanity has been wiped out by a plague. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Kevin Costner, who also directed the movie, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 stars as a traveling Shakespeare performer that's conscripted to Caesar's Legion 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but he escapes and finds an old mail bag full of mail 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and pretends to be a mailman so he can get food 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and accidentally restarts the US postal service in the process 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Also it's almost 3 hours long. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Honestly, as most of post apocalyptic adventures go, this one isn't that bad. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's about the same level of quality as Waterworld, actually. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But the fact that it was a 3 hour long Kevin Costner vanity project, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 released just a week after Titanic, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 made it a very easy target for critics. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What is Kevin Costner even up to, these days, anyway? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (typing) Kevin Costner. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I mean, hey. Good luck Kevin. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If you aren't familiar, the name Alan Smithee is a fake name the Director's Guild came up with in 1968 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that directors who wanted to take their name of a movie were required to use instead. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And this movie caused such a headache that the Directors' Guild had to officially stop allowing the use of the Alan Smithee name in movies. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Ok so this movie was written by Joe Eszterhas and was directed by Arthur Hiller. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's a mockumentary about a guy whose name was actually Alan Smithee 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that directs an action movie but he hates the finished product 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 so he steals the film reels and holds them ransom 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because he wasn't allowed to take his name off it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now behind the scenes in real life, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Joe Eszterhas was in charge of cutting Burn Hollywood Burn 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and when Arthur Hiller saw the final version 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 he hated it so much he had his name taken off the movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But this of course created a confusion 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because this was a movie about Alan Smithee 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and the poster said it was directed by Alan Smithee 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 which you would assume was just a joke 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but no, the director actually had his name taken off the movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It would take me so long to explain everything that's wrong with this movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 so let me just sum it up in four words. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Not funny. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Didn't laugh. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 There's way too many characters, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the movie jumps all over the place 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Harvey Weinstein is in it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Eew." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 There's lots of not funny parts where the camera freeze frames 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and there's a wall of text on screen. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm guessing what happened is they filmed all these scenes separately 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and thought they were hilarious on set 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but when they got to the editing room they realized they had nothing to work with 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 so Joe Eszterhas tried to salvage it by adding a bunch of text edit jokes 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 which actually made the movie worse. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I have no proof of this of course but it seems right to me. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'd probably do the same thing in that situation. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Ok so this is a Western steampunk fusion movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 starring the Fresh Prince and the guy who plays Mr. Fischoeder in Bob's Burgers 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 as cowboy government agents who hunt down an evil ex-Confederate officer with no legs 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who kidnaps President Ulysses S. Grant with a giant robot spider. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That's what this movie is. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (hooting) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This movie is ridiculous. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't know what the executives at Warner Bros. were snorting in the board room 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 when they decided to spend over a 170 million dollars 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 on a movie where cowboy Will Smith fights a huge mecha spider 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but thank god they did because Will Smith turned down playing Neo in the Matrix to do this movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And I'd like you to imagine what it would be like if Will Smith played Neo in the Matrix. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I probably would have messed the Matrix up. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I would've ruined it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So I did y'all a favor. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This might not be a "good" movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but oh my god it's so funny. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Plus the theme song is pretty fire. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If I may quote one of the great gangster rappers, William Will Smith, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (nonchalantly) wicki wild wild, wicki wicki wild 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 wicki wild, wicki wicki wild wild wild west. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 wicki wild, wicki wicki wild wild west. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Do you find those lyrics inspiring? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I mean, I… 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Battlefield Earth is an action sci-fi movie based on a novel written by Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 which he wrote in 1982 when he was in hiding to avoid going to prison for his numerous crimes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's about a distant future world where humanity has been enslaved by aliens called "psychlos" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 which are a very obvious metaphor for L. Ron Hubbard's vitriolic hate for psychiatrists. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 John Travolta, who plays the evil alien leader called Turl 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and has been a scientologist since 1975 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 is directly responsible for this movie existing. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The production company who took it on was later found to have defrauded investors out of 31 million dollars 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 by overreporting production costs 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 causing a lawsuit that forced the company to go bankrupt and shut down in 2007. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 On top of that, the movie was a massive financial flop 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 not just because the movie and its John Travolta action figures 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 were an obvious Scientology recruitment tactic 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but because the movie itself was a visual nightmare. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The special effects are ugly, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the costumes are disgusting, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and the whole movie was filmed in these crooked angles 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that changed multiple times a scene. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 which gave a bunch of people motion sickness. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's a really infamously bad movie that's been covered by a bunch of other YouTube channels over the years 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 so if you want more information on it, go watch one of those videos. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Just don't watch the movie itself. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It'll do nothing but make you nauseous and waste two hours of your time. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm serious, don't do it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm sorry, you guys, conflict of interest, I can't talk about Freddy Got Fingered. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 One of my friends and I watched this movie like four times during quarantine 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and we kinda bonded over it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And now this movie has a special place in my heart. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Aw." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So I made Nikki watch it instead. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Because she's never seen it before. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And here she is now. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Where the hell do I even begin with this movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Part of me thinks this movie is some kind of deep anti-comedy 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 meant to satirize the other gross out comedies 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that were popular in the early 2000s 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and the other part of me thinks that maybe it means nothing at all. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I mean any normal human being 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 would read a title called 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Freddy Got Fingered 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and run away in the opposite direction. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Because what the fuck is that supposed to mean? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But to put it simply, this movie is about a 28 year old man 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Stop it, stop it, Mom, I'm a 28 year old man." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "Hey, baby, he's a 28 year old man." 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 His name is Gord and he moves to LA to be a cheese worker. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And also to pursue his dream of being a professional animator. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Seems pretty simple, right? Seems pretty cut and dry? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But that's where you'd be wrong. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Because so very many things happen in this movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that are beyond human explanation. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Just to name a few, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Tom Green jerks off a horse 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 he swings a baby around by its umbilical cord 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Tom Green walks around in a deer carcass 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And he goes scuba diving in his own toilet. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Get out of that toilet! - (bubbling, gurgling) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But at the risk of sounding clinically insane 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and demented 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 there are moments in this movie that I find kind of relatable. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Like this scene where the CEO of an animation company tells Gord that he doesn't like his drawings. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - It sucks. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And so he immediately sticks a gun in his mouth and starts screaming. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - The characters are so lame, I'm a loser. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I wish I was dead. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - (screaming) - Wait, wait. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What makes this even funnier is that once he receives validation, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 he takes the gun out of his mouth and acts like none of that ever happened at all. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Sir I can't work on this all day, I got a job at the cheese sandwich factory. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If you're mentally ill, and make art, this is the film for you. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - It's time I grow up and get a job instead of acting like a little baby all the time. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I can't think of anything to draw because I'm so stupid. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm so stupid. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - And this movie surprised me in so many different ways 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 For one, it made me laugh way more than I anticipated. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Can't you see we're both just a couple of stupid idiots. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Gord… - (mocking) Gord! Gordie! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It was also weirdly based at times. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I say weirdly because the early 2000s was a derogatory fever dream. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It was like running thru the perfume department in SpongeBob 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but the perfume was slurs. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Gord ends up asking out this nurse named Betty 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and she says yes, but afterwards he finds out that she's in a wheelchair. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 At first I was like, oh shit, it's about to get real ableist in here 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Lel-lel-lel. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I was truly prepared for the worst. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But my expectations were subverted when Betty ended up 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 not only the smartest person in this whole movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but her and Gord remain in a relationship for the rest of the film. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - I have a bag of jewels for you. - Gord… 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - They're jewels, Betty. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Another interesting thing to me is that 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Betty constantly wants to give Gord a blow (dolphin sound) job. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Here me out dude! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 She asks him this so many times in the movie, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that it comes off as very obviously satirical. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Gord, I don't care about jewels, I just wanna suck your cock 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 My life's a little hectic lately, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm having trouble concentrating with all the skateboarding and 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - you sucking my penis all the time - (chuckling) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And again, my expectations are subverted by Gord repeatedly asking if they can just go out on a date. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - I just think if we went out on at least one date 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and you didn't do any sucking right now 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that would make the whole sucking to date ratio 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 far more balanced, you know? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - This could be a play on the trope of male protagonists in comedy especially 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 being obsessed with sex 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And not only that but women being ultra sexualized in these movies. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Not all the subversion in this movie is good, though, necessarily. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If you were wondering how the movie got its title, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I shit you not, about 50 minutes into the film, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Gord frames his dad for "fingering" his brother. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - At least I don't touch Freddy. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He fingers him. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - His brother who is like 25 and doesn't even live with them. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - He's a molester! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He's a child molester! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - But CPS literally goes into his apartment and takes him to the molestation hospital. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Is this shocking? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Uh, yes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't know if it's shocking compared to the other things that happen in this movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (screaming) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Is it in poor taste? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Uh…luhh…luhh… 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Maybe. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But this whole framing of the fingering 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 is the canon event that leads to the finale of the film. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 When Gord pranks his dad by 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 abducting him in the middle of the nightand taking him to Pakistan. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - You're fucking dead. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 They could write books and novels and college theseses 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 about everything else that happen between then and the ending 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but just know that this movie ends with Gord and his dad being covered in elephant c—(censor beep) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (elephant trumpeting) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Speaking of which, there's an elephant in this room! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The elephant is that I actually kinda like this movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Also the elephant is coming. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Is that so wrong? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And is it so wrong that maybe kinda 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I might be attracted to Tom Green in this movie? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Is it ok that he might be the Pete Davidson of the 90s? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Shut up. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 As far as career-ruining films go, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Tom Green took the failure of Freddy very very well. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He even showed up to accept his Golden Razzie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He rolled out his own red carpet too. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - Well done you guys. Give him some space. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Thank you very much. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Celebrate your successes 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and your failures. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Evasive] A remake of an italian film from 1974 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Swept Away is a movie where Madonna plays the dumbest 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 most unlikable rich woman in the world 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who gets marooned on an island with an Italian sailor 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who hates her and sexually assaults her. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 3 minutes after that 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 there's a time skip and suddenly they're in love. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's a nasty nasty nasty movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and I don't even wanna talk about it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It was so bad it caused Madonna to give up on acting entirely. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's a disaster. Absolute agony to watch. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Especially when you consider the movie was directed by Madonna's then-husband Guy Ritchie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Madonna later divorced Guy Ritchie in 2008 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but in my opinion queen should've divorced Guy Ritchie on the spot 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 for even suggesting this movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Madonna] Ugh. It was rough. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 There's nothing glamorous about it, then you were really mean to me. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Mrs. Ritchie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I just want to slap you on camera. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Why, Mrs. Ritchie? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 For all those times you let Adriano slap me and never yelled cut. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Ritchie] One more. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Madonna] And all those times they threw octopuses on me. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And all those times you made me stay in the freezing cold ice water. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And all those times you made me run down the sand dunes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And all those times you ate my food. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And you didn't pay me. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And you never said thank you. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (crying) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm not gonna lie, I was riding the high 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 of actually enjoying Freddy Got Fingered 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 when Gigli came in and literally snuffed the life out of me. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Gigli is a movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's about a mobster named Gigli 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 played by Benjamin, Benny Boy, Affleck. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Much like this review on Letterboxd, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I too hope Gigli k—(dolphin noises) himself. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Because not only does he abduct a mentally challenged teenager, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and abuse him while holding him for ransom, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What if I smack you in the fucking head? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He's also just cringe. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Unforgivably so. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 J.Lo. is also in this movie, unfortunately 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and she plays this other mobster or mobsterette 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who is supposed to help him take care of this mentally disabled kid 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and she also just happens to be a lesbian. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It means I'm a lesbian. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Or should I say, the least convincing lesbian in film history. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 No lesbians were consulted in the making of this movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Because what the fuck is this? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's turkey time. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Huh? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Gobble gobble. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You may not be able to tell 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because this is the weirdest way I've ever heard anyone describe it 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but she's talking about eating (dolphin sound) ussy here. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I really don't know who told J.Lo. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 or whoever wrote this script 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that lesbians call that turkey time. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But whoever it was deserves to be taken out behind a barn and shot. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Of course Gigli doesn't respect her sexuality. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Your girlfriends, they're at a natural disadvantage. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 They might try hard but they're not just backed up 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 by millions of years of genetic engineering. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He whines and complains throughout the whole movie about 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh, it's not fair, she's a lesbian but I'm attracted to her. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And I wanna be with her. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You know why I'm fucking sad? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Because I've got this fucking 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 beautiful, sexy, gorgeous heartthrobba-rama 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 fucking smart, amazing, bombshell 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 17 on a fucking 10 scale girl 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 sleeping on the bed right next to me. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 She's a stone cold d—(vine boom)—yke. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 A fucking untouchable, unaffable 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 brick wall fucking d—(vine boom)—kossaurus rex. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (mocking) Eugh…eugh… 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And after enough complaining, Ricki starts doing deeds with him. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's not like this is realistic at all in anyway, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but in the hypothetical scenario 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 where for some reason a lesbian had sex with a guy 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it would not be with this guy. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He's always like licking his teeth and shit. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But luckily there's not just lesbian cringe, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This ain't fucking lesbian talk circle time! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 There's also plenty of heterosexual cringe. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 God bless you penis. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And gay cringe. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm not gay! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Despite this movie literally being about mobsters, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 nothing mobster-related really happens in this movie until the last 30 minutes 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 where for some reason Al Pacino is here. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You piece of shit! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm sure this is Al Pacino's favorite role of all time 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 right up there next to Jack and Jill. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Ok, come on, low bat it here pitcher, we got em. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Ho! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Ho! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But to give it to you straight, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the movie ends with Gigli leaving the mentally disabled kid 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 on a random beach with the cast of Baywatch. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And it's literally played out like it's supposed to be this inspirational thing. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Like a tearjerker or something. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (inspirational music) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Meanwhile, Gigli and Ricki ride off into the sunset 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 just as she's telling him that he should wear some makeup. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You know I bet you'd look awesome in some mascara. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Do not watch this movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You will get a UTI. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Or that other thing. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Evasive] Ok first of all this movie is Catwoman in name only. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Despite being a DC comics movie, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the Catwoman of this movie has pretty much nothing to do with the Catwoman from Batman. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This character has a different name 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 lives in a different city 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and gets her cat superpowers from a magic cat burping in her mouth. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's just so stupid, it's actually really fun to watch. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Especially the CGI Halle Berry during the action scenes 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it's so funny. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 As you might expect this movie bombed hard 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 probably because they put it out around the same time as Spiderman 2. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (laughing) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (laughing) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's a pretty infamous superhero movie now 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and the director Pitof was basically laughed out of Hollywood 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and never directed a movie again. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But Halle Berry embraced this movie was a flop 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and she even showed up in person to accept her Razzie award. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 First of all I wanna thank Warner Bros. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (crowd laughing) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Thank you for putting me in a piece of shit god-awful movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (crowd laughing, cheering) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Berry cheering) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Dirty love is a… 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 "comedy", 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 created by Melissa McCarthy's cousin, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 notorious anti-vaxxer and Masked Singer judge, Jennifer McCarthy. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 She stars as a woman who gets dumped by her boyfriend and her life falls apart. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's really unhinged but not in a funny kind of way. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 More in a "I'm born uncomfortable and I wanna leave the room," kind of way. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I actually had a hard time finding clips of this movie online 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because it's pretty obscure and nobody likes it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's mostly badly delivered jokes and gross out humor 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 with a feminine spin. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And by feminine spin 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I, of course, mean period jokes 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Like this scene where a bleeding Jenny McCarthy 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 goes to a grocery store in white skirt and no underwear 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and almost bleeds out on the floor. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You know, relatable comedy for women. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Just girly things. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Hashtag just girly things. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Just girly things. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's a girly thing so you wouldn't understand, boys. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's a girly thing. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Hashtag just girly things. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's a girly thing, it's a girly thing. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (sing-song) Hashtag just girly things. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So this a sequel to Basic Instinct 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 an erotic murder mystery thriller from the early 90s 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that's maybe best remembered today for this scene 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 where Newman from Seinfeld sees Sharon Stone's 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 bare, uncensored (censor beep)-ssy in an interrogation room. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The original was nominated for a few Razzies in its day 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but it was a massive box office hit 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and is today remembered as a pretty solid neo-noir thriller. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Now, Basic Instinct 2 on the other hand only exists 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because Sharon Stone was promised 14 million dollars to star in the movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 When the producers tried to cancel it, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 she sued them to force them to make it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Don't take it so hard. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Even Oedipus didn't see his mother coming. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Evasive] It's kind of hard to talk about this movie without spoiling a bit of the original. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But I will say that overall I didn't hate this movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But I also barely remember anything about the plot 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and I only saw it a couple of months ago. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It rehashes a lot of the same story beats and plot points as the original, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 just not as good. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Would I call it a terrible movie? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 No, not really. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But compared to the original, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it's pretty bland and forgettable. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But that's what happens when your only reason for making a movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 is to avoid a massive lawsuit. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Gotta love showbiz, baby. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I Know Who Killed Me is a horror movie starring Lindsay Lohan 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 as a girl who is killed by a serial killer 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but survives and wakes up in the hospital saying she's someone else. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This movie was released in July 27, 2007 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 right at the peak of the tabloid frenzy about Lindsay Lohan 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and her struggles with alcohol and drug addiction 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 there was a lot of attention on the movie while it was filming. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Especially because Lohan checked into rehab the first time 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 a month into the production. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The film set was swarmed with so much paparazzi 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that some of them even showed up in the background of a few shots in the movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Then a couple months after filming wrapped, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Lohan was arrested for drunk driving. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Then on July 24th, just three days before the movie was released, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Lohan was arrested for drunk driving again 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and couldn't even attend the premiere. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 All of this negative media attention made Lindsay Lohan enemy number one in Hollywood. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Critics eviscerated this movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But in a year since its release, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 this film has kind of become a cult classic among horror movie fans. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's been screened in theaters many times over the last decade. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I've seen a lot of people online compare it to giallo movies, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 an Italian film genre popular in the 60s and 70s 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that mixed elements of murder movies, slashers, and erotica. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The influence of giallo is definitely present here. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's a stylish weird thriller 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and Lohan's background made her kind of perfect for the role 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 as the main character quickly transforms from a sweet high school girl 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 into a deeply traumatized young woman with a robotic hand. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's definitely not for everyone, myself included, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but if you're into weird gory horror movies, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 there's a lot to vibe with here. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's a much better movie than Norbit, that's for sure. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Have you ever seen Norbit? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Ooh! Ah! Bitches! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (screaming) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (screaming) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The Love Guru is a movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 written by, directed by, and starring Mike Meyers 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that's mostly remembered as the movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that completely tanked his career 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and caused him to step away from Hollywood for 8 years. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Critics and audiences both hated it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 With critics calling it 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 lazy, immature, mindless, pitiable, insulting, painful, gross, contemptuous, racist, and unlikable, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 among many other things. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But don't take their word for it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Take my word for it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't have any other words for it, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that pretty much sums it up. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Here's a scene they use in the trailer. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Woah! How did you get there? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (groans) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This little guy scared the crap out of me. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Think I might have to do a panty check, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I might have some monkey mustard back there. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Who is this prick? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Shh. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Man, how do you do? Shrimp? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What did you call me, jagomoe? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'm sorry I didn't catch your gnome—name! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You are a midget. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Evasive] The plot of this movie is Mike Myers 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 plays a self-help guru named Maurice Pitka 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who was raised in India 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 wears a chastity belt 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and dreams of being on Oprah. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He's hired by the Toronto Maple Leaves 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to help their star player get back together with his wife 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because he is the Love Guru 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and only he can save their marriage. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's basically a one note movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that feels like it was written by a 10 year old boy. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Every seen goes on for way too long, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Mike Myers keeps laughing at his own jokes 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and pretty much every line is about 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 poop, pee, farts, balls, or dicks, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 with many of the characters' names being dick jokes. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 We got Tugginmypudha, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 coach Cherkov, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Le Coq, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Dick Pants, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (Evasive laughing) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's not funny that John Oliver is named Dick Pants. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (laughing) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Evasive] It's not… (laughing) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Evasive] Ok, I'll be the first to say that 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't think any of the Transformers movies are particularly good. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 That being said, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is definitely the worst one, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 if only for how offensive and annoying it is. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Pretty much every Transformer introduced in this movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 either talks with a racist accent, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 or the most annoying cartoon voice imaginable. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And when it isn't being annoying or racist, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it's doing shit like this. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Name's Wheelie. Hah…hah… 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Say my name, say my name. Hah…hah… 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What are you allowing to happen to your foot just now? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 At least he's faithful, Sam. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yeah, well, he's faithful, and he's nude and he's perverted. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Hah…hah…hah… 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (sighs) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Like is it any wonder Megan Fox quit the series after this? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Sadly this movie ended up making 836 million dollars 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 which was about a hundred million more dollars than Up made that same year. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This thing's gonna give me a heart attack, I swear. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - That's 'cause you was a wuss. - You did force me into that car, right? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh I think he scared. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Hey Mudflap. What we gonna do with this shrimp taco? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Lemme just pop a cap in his ass, throw him in the truck, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and then nobody gonna know nothing, y'know what I mean? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - No one's gonna pop any caps in any asses. Ok? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - I've had a hell of a day. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Why don't you get a haircut with your bitch ass? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What can I even say about this movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that hasn't been said a thousand times already? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This live action trashfire directed by M. Night Shyamalan 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 attempted to condense the first season of an amazing animated TV show 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 into a 90 minute CGI-filled mess. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Maybe if you watch this, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 having never seen the original series, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it's just another lame Hollywood fantasy action movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But for fans of the series, this was offensively bad. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The creators of the show were not allowed to give any input on the movie's development. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Beloved characters were made one-dimensional and pointless, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 major plot points were skipped over, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 characters' names are pronounced wrong. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 How do you even screw that up? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This movie made a lot of money 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but was so hated by audiences 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that Paramount must have known that they couldn't fool people twice 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and cancelled plans to adapt the other 2 seasons, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 effectively sinking the career of the kid who played Aang before it even began. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's just sad. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The whole movie is a sad waste of source material. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You'd probably have a better time playing the official Wii game 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 than watching this movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (vaguely Asian music) (wheels skidding) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 [Evasive] Ok, maybe not. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 (dramatic, haunting piano) 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Alright, Razzies, respectfully, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 what the fuck? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I wouldn't call myself a Twilight fan, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I never read the books and I didn't watch the movies until recently, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but even I know that the last movie in the Twilight series 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 isn't that bad a movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's ridiculous, sure, but out of all the movies in this series, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it's definitely the most interesting and most exciting entry aside from the first one. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Obviously they gave it Worst Picture as a sort of dig at the entire series, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 since none of the others had won Worst Picture before, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but come on. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Breaking Dawn Part 2 is fun. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's got a big fight scene on a frozen lake, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it's got a girl named Renesmee, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 it concludes one of the most iconic and most stupid blockbuster series of all time. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's so entertaining and over the top 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that even if you hate Twilight and everything about it, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 you can't tell me that this movie is worse than the Adam Sandler movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 where he shows a 13 year old impregnating his teacher. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You can't tell me that. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Because you'd be wrong. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Let me start this one off by 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 showing you the list of people that were involved in this movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And that's not even all of them. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Movie 43 is a compilation of raunchy comedy sketches 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 each directed by different people. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Made on an impossibly cheap budget of 6 million dollars, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 this thing took 3 whole years to film 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because the producers worked around actors' schedules 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to maximize how many famous people could show up on this. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The sketches themselves are a relentless onslaught of dirty shock humor. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 There's one where Hugh Jackman has balls on his face. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 There's one where Chloe Grace Moretz spills period blood on the wall. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 There's one where a horny cat pisses on Elizabeth Banks. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 There's one where Kieran Culkin wants to leave a hickey on Emma Stone's vagina. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 My personal favorite was the one where Anna Faris asks Chris Pratt 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to poop on her during sex. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - So he takes some— - Poop Viagra. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And then gets hit by car. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I love you, I wanna marry you. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Oh my god. Doug, no! 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If you're feeling sadistic, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 throw this on, on your next bad movie night with friends. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's got a little something for everyone. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't even know what the hell Movie 43 means. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But I'm in Movie 43, maybe I'm in Movie 44. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I don't know. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So if you're unfamiliar, Kirk Cameron was a child actor in the 80s 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who took a hard right turn into Evangelical Christianity 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and has since appeared almost exclusively 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 in low-budget Christian movies and radio programs. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Today, he's mostly known for his inflammatory publicity stunts 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Like in 2020, when he organized maskless Christmas carols in LA 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to protest COVID restrictions, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 which he called "communism disguised as public health". 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You know the type. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He's a nutcase, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and his movie had been dunked a hundred times before by YouTubers already 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because for a while, this was the lowest-rated movie on IMDB, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 with an average rating of 1.3 out of 10. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Which he claimed was the result of an atheist conspiracy on Reddit. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The whole movie takes place in one house 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and almost every scene is him using weird circular reasoning 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to explain how non-Christian Christmas traditions 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 had actually been Christian all along. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Like how Christmas trees were God's idea 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because God created trees. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Or how the holiday isn't actually materialistic 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because the ability to buy gifts 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 is God's gift to humanity. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's just boring. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's just a boring movie where nothing happens 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and everyone is just sitting or standing around 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 not doing anything. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The only remotely entertaining part of the whole movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 is when all the extras have an epic dance party at the end. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 ♫ (Angels we have heard on high, trap remix style) ♫ 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Fant-four-stic is a classic case of too many people having their hands in the same movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The writers disagreed on everything. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The director Josh Trank slept with a loaded gun on him 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because he got death threats for casting Michael B. Jordan. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Fox executives had whole scenes cut out 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and other scenes reshot without Trank's approval 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because they thought his version was too dark. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Trank also put out a tweet before the movie came out 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 basically disowning it. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The end result of all of this 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 was an ugly, boring mess of a movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 where there's no real stakes or tension anywhere. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 They don't even have them become superheroes 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 until halfway thru the movie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and most of the time they're just standing around 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 talking and not doing anything. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You can see the remnants of a decent movie in here 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 like in this scene where Miles Teller wakes up on a hospital bed looking like Lanky Kong. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 But we'll never know what the movie was supposed to be 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 because nobody cares. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 There's no one out there saying 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 hashtag release the trank cut. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I want them to go see just a really great movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Something that is different from…uh… 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Dr. Doom is one of the top 5 greatest characters 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that ever come off a comic book—panel. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Science is really cool and this is something that…hopefully… 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 So 2015 was another tie 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 with Fifty Shades of Grey also being awarded Worst Picture. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 This is another movie where I"m like, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 what can I possibly say about this that hasn't been said already? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's based on an erotic novel that started out as a Twilight Fanfiction, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 the stars have no chemistry 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and nothing about their relationship is believable. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The movie spawned that Love Me Like You Do song 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that's haunted retail workers for almost a decade now. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's just a bad movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's boring and bad and it made over 500 million dollars 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 so rather than repeat the same things that a 100 other YouTubers have said 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I'll just leave you with a little mental image. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 See, this movie came out on Valentine's Day 2015. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I want you to visualize Kayllynn and Greg 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 from Sugar Land, Texas 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who went to see this at the local AMC on Valentine's Day. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I want you to visualize Kayllynn giving Greg a dry handjob 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 at the back of the theater, 40 minutes into the movie. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I want you to visualize them going to Applebees after 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and eating a slightly burned chicken breast 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and some unseasoned broccoli. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 I want you to visualize— 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 If you don't know already, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Dinesh D'Souza is a far-right political commentator 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 who's been releasing propaganda films every year since 2012. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 He also pleaded guilty to campaign finance fraud in 2014 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and was sentenced to 5 years probation. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 During which, he made Hillary's America: The Secret History of the Democratic Party. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Released in the summer of 2016, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Hillary's America is a movie that claims it's a documentary 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 but aside from a few news clips and some scripted-sounding interviews, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 much of the movie is either historical reenactments 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 or D'Souza talking to terrible actors 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and trying to pass it off as documentary footage. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The movie opens with D'Souza being sentenced for fraud 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 which he claims was a Democratic conspiracy to shut him up 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and from there he goes to prison 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and starts interviewing other prisoners about how gangs work 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 You know, gangs are all about stealing, man. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 What's the biggest gang? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Right in your face. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Politicians, man. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 - How does a gang make money? - Any way they can, you know? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Trafficking, smuggling, stealing, extortion, 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Yeah, but how do they pull it off? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Later on, he visits the Democratic National Headquarters 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and it's all done up to look like a high-tech museum 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 for the glory of the Democratic Party. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Then he sneaks into the restricted part of the building 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 and breaks into the secret archives 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 to reveal the secret information 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 that is literally in the curriculum of 8th Grade US History. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Like, "Hey guys, did you know that most of the slaveowners in the Civil War were Democrats? 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Wow, isn't that crazy? How come no one's talking about this?" 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 The sad truth is this movie sold 13 million dollars worth of tickets when it came out. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 Which means that hundreds of thousands of very gullible Americans saw this in theaters. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 And many probably dragged their impressionable kids to see it with them 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 when all those kids wanted to do was play the new Pokémon Go game that just came out. 99:59:59.999 --> 99:59:59.999 It's depressing to think about.