What's up cinephiles,
I'm Evasive,

and this piece of paper right here
means two things:

Number one, I am tens of
thousands of

dollars in debt,

and number two, I know a lot
about movies.

And since it looks like the U.S
government

is not going to be giving me any
debt relief this year,

I have no choice now but to
torture myself on the Internet

for money to pay off the loans

I took out to go to film school.

(eEeEewWwWw!)

So for this video, I watched every
movie that's ever won

a Razzie Award for Worst Picture
of the Year.

This was an extremely painful
experience

and I regretted my decision
immediately,

but for the sake of my adoring
fans

and my bank account,

I went ahead and watched all 46
of these

movies so I could explain them to
you.

But after the grueling experience
of watching all these movies,

I'm not about to tackle this
breakdown alone.

So I went ahead and roped in
another video

essay girly and a talking trash can

to help explain some of these
movies for me.

But before I get to the movies, let
me explain what the Razzies are.

The Golden Raspberry Awards are
an annual event,

usually held the night before the Oscars,

to give out awards for the worst
movies of the year.

It was founded by Hollywood
copywriter

John Wilson and editor Maureen
Murphy.

The idea for the Razzies came
about

in 1980 when Wilson saw

Can't Stop the Music and Xanadu

back to back and hated them both

so much he thought there ought

to be an award show for this type
of thing.

Months later, Wilson hosted an

Oscars watch party at his house,

and after the Oscars had finished,

he and Murphy passed out ballots
to everyone at the party to vote

on the worst movies of the year,

and then he announced the
winners in his living room.

Over time, the ceremony grew and
grew,

and today they're considered a
staple

of the Hollywood award season

as a low-budget Bizarro World
Oscars

that distributes awards in
categories

such as Worst Actor, Worst
Director,

and Worst Screenplay.

Unlike the qualifications for voting
at the Oscars, though,

becoming a Razzie voter is very
easy:

either be friends with one of the
producers

or just pay a $40 membership fee.

That's all it takes.

So that's the story of the Razzies.

Now, are you ready to learn about
every single movie

that won Worst Picture?

Because I wasn't.

There's 46 of these things, so I'm
going to talk about each one

just a minute or two

and hand off a few to my guests

so I don't completely lose my mind here.

Also, I put a content warning on a
bunch of these movies

because of the sensitive subject
matter I discuss.

Not trying to traumatize anybody
but myself in this video...

well, me and my guests.

But I commissioned them for this,
so i-- it's fine.

Anybody who can swallow
two snowballs and a ding-dong

shouldn't have any trouble with pride.

[Evasive] The first movie to win
Worst Picture was "Can't Stop The Music".

A movie about the "origins"
of the disco group "Village People".

I say origins in air-quotes because
the Village People play themselves

and the plot is completely made-up

and not at all how 
the Village People actually formed

The movie itself is super campy
and full of these crazy musical numbers

that are unironically kinda great.

It's just too bad that in between
those musical numbers are these scenes

with really terrible acting 
that go on for way too long.

"Wait a minute! I am not taking one
more step 'til I know where I'm going."

"Yeah, quit my job, and you
got me walking the beat again!"

- "And I'm not even getting paid for it!"
- "Hey, hold your horses."

"I told ya I had a surprise for ya."

"I hope so. I turned in my
coin change with the toll booth."

[Evasive] By 1980 the disco fad was 
almost over and

people loved to hate on
disco music at the time

so you can see why this
ended up being such a huge bomb.

Also, shockingly, this movie marks the
first film appearance of Caitlyn Jenner

and apparently the experience was so bad

she didn't appear in a movie again until
"Jack & Jill 2011".

And, uh, well.

Mommie Dearest is a "biopic"

about the life of actress Joan Crawford's
adopted daughter Christina.

Again, I say biopic in air-quotes
because the movie was based on

Christina Crawford's controversial memoir

that other members of Joan Crawford's
family disavowed when it came out.

I haven't done much research on the topic

so I'm in no position
to question this story.

But I will say that after
the movie was made

Christina said the film was grotesque
and not true to her memoir.

Released just 4 years after
Joan Crawford passed away,

this movie basically spits all over
her fresh grave

and portrays her as a horrible mother

who frequently, physically and emotionally
abused her daughter.

Whether or not this is actually true
is still a matter of debate.

Regardless of the real-life circumstances
behind the movie,

Faye Dunway's performance
of Joan Crawford is iconic now.

People who have unfortunately
experienced emotional abuse from a parent

found her performance
scarily true to their own life experiences

but general audiences thought
she was just being outrageously campy

and over the top the whole movie.

Because of its reputation, the movie
became a queer cult classic over the years

especially in the drag community.

It was even featured in the most
recent season of RuPaul's Drag Race.

"No wire hangers!"

♫ No more wire hangers ♫
♫ Ah, ah! ♫

♫ No, no, wire hangers ♫
♫ No, no, no, no ♫

[Evasive] Inchon is a movie about
the battle of Incheon in the Korean War.

It was financed and produced
by the Unification Church,

a movement that was and still is
considered a dangerous cult

with a leader who called himself
the second coming of Jesus Christ.

The film's producer was
a very wealthy member of the church.

He said he was instructed by God
to make the film.

So, unsurprisingly, no investors wanted
any part of this.

All 46 million dollars of the budget was
provided by the church and its followers.

The film itself doesn't have much
to do with the Unification Church.

It's a straightforward war movie that's
just boring and unremarkable.

It had some star power but only because
the actors in it were paid a lot of money.

With Laurence Olivier even admitting
before the movie was released

that he was only in it for the money.

It was such a flop that no one
even bothered to release it on home media.

The only available version
of the movie today

was from an old VHS rip from when it
played on Unification Church TV channel.

The only thing worth seeing in this movie
was Laurence Olivier's makeup job.

I mean he looks like the Joker.

This movie is just tasteless.

it's based on a novel by Harold Robbins

who was paid 600 000 dollars
for the film rights

and apparently fell asleep
in the screening room

and never actually watched the movie.

First of all, in the first 15 minutes,

young Ray Liotta,
in his first ever movie role,

sexually assaults the main character
with a garden hose.

After that the rest of the movie
is just her being forced to have sex

with gross older men
in order to get ahead in Hollywood.

And you see all of it.

It seems like it was trying to criticize
sexism in Hollywood

but instead of handling it
with any kind of nuance or respect,

the movie fully shows the sex scenes

and does the very thing
it's trying to critique.

The final scene of the movie shows
her winning an Oscar for Best Screenplay

and calling out the men
who took advantage of her

in her acceptance speech.

Then she's booed off stage, and leaves,
and the movie just ends there.

It's really uncomfortable to watch.

But somehow the next movie is even worse.

Ugh, god, ok.

Bolero is a movie by John Derek.

John Derek is—
(groan)

John Derek was an old Hollywood actor

who appeared in supporting roles in
several big movies in the 1940s and 50s.

In 1973 when Derek was 47 years old,

he traveled to Europe to direct
a low-budget movie called

"Once upon a Love" starring
a 16 year old girl named

"Mary Cathleen Collins".

During the production—
(retching)

I'm sorry.

During the production, 
John Derek left his wife

and groomed Mary Collins
into a sexual relationship,

With the two staying in Europe
until she turned 18

so he could avoid 
statutory (censor beep) charges.

When they got married a few years later,
she changed her name to Bo Derek

and proceeded to star in all of his movies
until he died in 1998.

(retching)
(vomit squelching)

I'm sorry.

So anyway, Bolero was a movie
about a young woman fresh from college

who travels to Morocco in Spain
to lose her virginity.

If that wasn't bad enough,

this movie features a full-frontal
nudity scene with a 14 year old girl.

Not an actress playing a 14 year old girl.

An actual 14 year old girl.

(retching, vomit squelching)
(coughing)

If you've never seen any
Rambo movies before

the image you probably associate
with the word "Rambo"

is the one where
hypermasculine Sylvester Stallone

is firing a machine gun
without a shirt on.

But see, that's actually from this movie,
"Rambo First Blood: Part II",

which has very little to do
with Part 1 at all.

The whole point of
the first Rambo movie was that

Rambo was a Vietnam War veteran
with severe PTSD

who snaps and kills a bunch of
small-time cops who treat him like shit.

This sequel, on the other hand

throws that tragic anti-war character
out the window

as the US government sends him
back to Vietnam

to locate prisoners of war

and Rambo is weirdly ok with that.

It's like he immediately got over his PTSD

and just got straight to blowing stuff up,
no problem.

This movie was
a massive box office success

and made double of what
the first movie made,

so naturally, Rambo III also ditched
the anti-war angle

and sent Rambo to Afghanistan.

I dunno if someone thought
the first movie was amazing,

it really sucks to see how quickly
they ruined this character.

But, like, I get it.

The people who went to see
these sequels in theaters

didn't watch it for the plot.

They watched to see 
Sylvester Stallone do this.

(bow twang)
(explosion)

In the early 80s, Prince was a rising star.

And his stardom was cemented in 1984

with the massive hit that was Purple Rain.

After the success of Purple Rain,

Warner Brothers told Prince he was basically allowed to do anything he wanted for his next project,

greenlighting Under the Cherry Moon without even reading the script

the story is, Prince plays a guy in the French Rivier named Christopher

He and his friend Tricky try to scam a rich girl out of her inheritance

but they both end up falling in love with her.

Problem with the movie became apparent early on

when Prince hired someone with no experience to write the script.

Then 16 days into filming, the director quit.

And Prince took over even though he had no experience directing a movie before.

The end result was a movie that features what I can only describe as

Acting.

"Don't try anything funny.
Not this time, Christopher."

"I want the money or I throw you both out onto the street."

(gasp)

"That's right, [inaudible]"

"Throw me onto the street?"

It's bizarre, it's one of those movies where the acting is so bad it loops around to being funny

which has given the movie a bit of a cult following over the years

that and the soundtrack is amazing

like with Purple Rain Prince released an album with the movie that went Platinum

and is today remembered as one of the most iconic movies of his career

After Under the Cherry Moon failed, Prince tried one more time to direct a feature-length movie

but that one got nominated for a bunch of Razzies too

and after that he gave up and never tried to direct a movie again.

Also this here marks the first ever tie in Razzies history with Under the Cherry Moon tieing with

(laughing)
Howard the Duck.

(laughing)

Greetings, Evasive viewers, it is I, young Junko, expert in Bird Law

and I'm here to defend my client Howard T. Duck,

star of the Razzies' Worst Film of 1986, Howard The Duck

For nearly the last 40 years my client's reputation has been tarnished and slandered against

by quack punch, chicken shit critics for this tragic box office bomb.

"Central character, the Duck, the one that we're gonna be rooting for,

he's neither funny, or bit of funny."

But I'm here to clear the air.

Howard the Duck is not a movie, no, it's a documentary.

I know this because I was there.

We all were.

My entire clan witnessed my client crash land on Earth

to star in a motion picture that of which has been

it's still awful. It's bad. We're not winning this case, buddy.

"I wasn't trying anything. Honest!"

This is a strange movie to say the least.

Howard the Duck notoriously opens with 2 instances of

full frontal duck booba in the span of 30 seconds.

But the rest of the movie is this whiplash

between what's a squeaky clean full house type family movie

that no one older than the age of 3 years old would find funny

followed by things like Marty McFly's mom showing off her ass and

pulling off a condom for Howard's corkscrew.

"Howard…"

It's like anti-matter Shrek where they didn't know how to mix adult humor and the kids' [inaudible] properly yet

so [inaudible] becomes this overly long bland comedy

with hardly any intentional laughs

that just happens to throw in something totally obscene every now and then

- [Howard] Oh!
- I just can't resist your

intense animal magnetism.

There's a lot of attempts at duck puns, most are just replacing a random phrase in a word with "duck"

"That's it. No more Mr. Nice Duck."

Even the director's name is Willard Hyuck.

That's a duck name. That's a name you give a duck.

The first half of the movie has Howard pointlessly meandering

there's no funny interactions or observations or memorable bits

it's just an aimless movie with the guy in the duck suit.

You have an entire portion of the movie

where Howard has a job as a towel boy in a sex club

it's fun for the whole family!

Yeah, Breeders, what the hell.

Bareback bestiality and pedophilia.

Oh yeah, we find Howard getting a [inaudible] as a result of a [inaudible] incident.

Which also [inadubile] a Palpatine somehow returning from the dead and possessing the body of that one actor that's in every 80s movie who'd later be arrested for being a sex pervert.

"Whaddya think you'd like to eat?"

"I no longer need human food."

I need little boy butts.

You have a movie where a talking duck fires a giant laser

at a hell portal to stop a horde of alien warlords

from taking over the Earth

and they still manage to make it a total snooze fest

They try to give Howard a bit of edge

but he still feels too kiddy and sanitized for what they're going for

And part of that is his design.

He looks like a cross of a Furby and Mac Culkin.

There are some things I did like,

like these alien overlords are pretty cool

their design and their stop motion is really well done

and the sequence where Howard gets shot into space

is pretty neat, pretty impressive to look at.

I like this sequence where Howard and [inaudible] get a [inaudible]

and start flying away from the cops

that was good.

Yeah, Tim Robins is in this

Imagine having what's considered one of the best movies of all time as part of your portfolio

and then on the other end of the spectrum having Howard the Duck,

now that's range

Genuinely I was taken aback because some of the shots in this movie

undeniably go hard.

I feel like there's a version of this movie that could've actualy been good with less work

like if they leaned into Howard being this cynical wise-cracking duck

that's down on his luck who gets thrust into Earth and finds this strange new realm

isn't so much different from his own

then it's all about the bills baby put it on my belt

[inaudible] taking that as an opportunity for a fresh start,

slowly climbing his way up the corporate ladder

until becoming a national celebrity that gets caught up in 80s consumerism and greed

then maybe having begrudgingly involved in some of the weird sci-fi stuff like the comics, i dunno

I'm not sure how to defend my client, give him the chair.

(Howard screams)

(Evasive laughing)

Alright, I may not be able to defend Howard,

but know this: from this day forth, I will ensure every client of mine

is proven innocent.

Now for my next client, I will be defending one Bill Cosby.

Bill Co-Bill Cosby.

I'm good. Your Honor? I would draw. We're done here. We're done.

It's Leonard, part 6.

Ask anyone who's seen this movie they'll tell you

that's when they first knew lil' Bill was a real piece of shit

When I heard there was a comedy movie

that just started on part 6

I thought, hey, maybe this movie could be bad in a good way, at the very least

Nope, it's just bad, it's boring, it's so boring.

If there's one thing Cosby was always a master at

it's making people very sleepy.

The whole thing was supposed to be a spoof on the spy genre,

sorta like Naked Gun, except they actually came out a year before that movie

They really just had the cameras rolling and had Bill Cosby do whatever he wanted

There's a bunch of weird sex shit

I mean the clues are all there,

in the movie his wife divorced him because he slept with a 19 year old

and his daughter is dating a much older man to further her career as an actress

so then Leonard has to see her flash her tits on stage

for no reason, none of these scenes add anything to the movie

I think Cosby just wanted to look at some young girl tits

The whole film has this lethargic and slow energy to it

Everything from the dialogue to the editing,

it's like watching a movie at 0.5 speed.

The movie opens with Leonard and an assassin having a little shootout in a kitchen

The joke being that what they're doing is actually helping to prep some of the food

Ok, could be funny but the pace of it all is so bizarrely off by a step

Every gag and bit is like this, like they took something that was

maybe a 3 out of 10 joke at best and spread it so thin that

you ask yourself was there even a joke at all to begin with?

The plot follows Leonard being the best agent in the world

who's long been retired after being pulled back for one last mission

after a buncha animals under mind control start killing people

Yet again a god-awful 80s comedy starts of with an animal looking at a porno mag

Here's two fucking nickels

The entire first half is him just stumbling around tryna get back with his ex wife

who pours soup on him—what is this gag?

Is this a fetish, Mr. Cosby? You think this was genuinely funny?

[mocking] We'll have him pour soup.

Cosby doesn't have a single funny line or hook to his character

you can tell he's put zero effort into any of this

It's like he said "Yeah I'll do the movie but I don't wanna look too stupid,

don't make me look too stupid."

Most of these so-called jokes are what the most boring uptight person in the world would think being silly is.

[mocking] Oh, look, wow he's being a ballerina, so girly.

Oh, wow, he's doing a silly fitness tape, how can he subject himself to that.

Oh, wee, it's like he thinks these things are so beneath him

that just him doing it would be funny.

What a piece of shit.

You know what really makes me mad, though?

It's completely unfair. Because everyone seems to be trying, but him.

There's a part where Leonard tries to free all the animals from captivity,

and I just wanna recognize this bird right here.

Who in this 5 second shot, bends the bars of his cage with his beak and breaks free

God bless this bird.

This bird put more effort than Bill Cosby in his own movie.

This bird did not deserve to be in one of the worst movies of all time.

None of these animals did.

This ostrich didn't deserve to be betrayed with a sex criminal grinding his pudding pop on its back.

If audiences in 1987 hated this, watching it now,

with all the humor naturally diluted even further to the passage of time

is like drinking a 40 year old can of new coke

and when Bill's the one handing you the drink

it's safe to say you probably shouldn't drink it

(gurgling)

Cocktail is a movie where young Tom Cruise plays a bartender in Manhattan

then he movies to Jamaica and falls in love with a girl

but then he loses her and moves back to New York to win her back

and that's pretty much it.

What you see is what you get with this one.

It's a really mediocre movie.

Not that good, but not that bad either.

Well except for this scene where Tom Cruise stands on a bar

and reads his shitty poetry.

This is pretty cringey.

"I see America drinking the fabulous cocktails I make."

"America's getting stinking on something I stir or shake."

(laughing)

"I make drinks so sweet and snazz-ay iced tea the kamikaze,

(hollering)
the sex on the beach is Schnapps made from peach

the ball and hammer the Alabama slammer."

Unsurprisingly with Tom Cruise starring, this movie was a massive success,

earning a ridiculous 171 million dollars on a 20 million dollar budget.

It's also the movie the Beach Boys "Kokomo" song was written for.

Besides that, not much to talk about here.

I'm pretty sure it only won Worst Picture because this was the year Rain Man was favored to win Best Picture

and the voters probably thought it was funny to make both the Best and Worst Picture be Tom Cruise movies.

Ok before making this video, I haven't actually watched any Star Trek at all.

But because I'm committed to my craft, I went ahead and watched all 6 original movies

just so I can understand why this one is considered the worst.

After all that, I—yeah. I get it now.

It's not a horrible movie but especially compared to the previous ones in the series,

Star Trek V is pretty bad.

Pretty much everything went wrong behind the scenes.

William Shatner directed it with no prior directing experience

nobody could agree on anything during the writing process,

there was a writers' strike

then a Teamsters strike

They shot a lot of the movie in the Mojave Desert

which is just as miserable as it sounds.

And after the filming was done, they only had 3 months to make the special effects,

and all the best special effects technicians in Hollywood were busy making

Indiana Jones 3 and Ghostbusters II at the time.

Do I think this movie deserved Worst Picture?

No.

It does some wacky things like introduce Spock's long-lost brother that he never mentioned before

or show Kirk getting mauled by a cat woman.

But overall I really don't think it's that bad.

But to be honest, I'm not a Trekkie who had to see

Captain Kirk show up on the Enterprise in a "Go climb a rock t-shirt"

…So…I mean…is that bad?

I actually don't know.

Can someone in the comments tell me if that's bad, if that's out of character?

I actually don't know if I'm supposed to be mad at this or not.

The Adventures of Ford Fairlane was a "comedy" starring Andrew Dice Clay.

If you don't know who Andrew Dice Clay is, he was a comedian most active in the late 80s and early 90s

who was known as the Dice Man,

which was basically a cover for him to tell the most offensive jokes he possibly could.

"And they're always on parade."

"They march down the street with t-shirts and flags saying

'I want money for AIDS disease.' Beautiful.

I want money for a fucking car, I ain't marching up and down the street

Get a job, butt slammer."

[Evasive] The movie itself is about a detective, I guess,

I dunno, it's just not funny at all.

Honestly I was on my phone the whole time because I was just so bored.

- "I got something serious to discuss."

"Yeah, what is it, premature ejaculation?"
(laughing)

"Like that time we were at our parents' wedding anniversary,

and I told that joke, 'What's the definition of vagina?

The box that peanuts come in!'" (laugh)

Gilbert Godfrey plays the only funny character in the movie

but he dies like 25 minutes in and the rest is just a boring mess to follow.

The director Renny Harlin was also working on Die Hard 2 at the time

which ended up in theaters at the exact same time as Ford Fairlane

and when you look at the money comparison between the two movies

yeah, it's pretty obvious which movie he cared about more.

"Clint Eastwood. I fucked him. Oh!"

[Evasive] 1990 was another tie

with Ford Fairlane tieing with another movie from unapologetic (censor beep) phile John Derek.

In this one, Bo Derek plays a woman married to a much older man

and when the older man dies, his ghost takes up residence in her head

and goads her into murdering another man

so he can possess his body and have sex with her again.

It's a supernatural dirty old man movie

where John Derek fantasizes about living rent-free in Bo Derek's head after he dies.

Plus this ended up being his last movie.

It would be poetic if it wasn't so disgusting.

"Bo was very very young. Linda was very young…

I guess I just meet them young,

before they're wise enough to know I'm not the guy."

Anyway the acting was bad, the story was bad,

the visuals are bad,

but the real cherry on top here was this movie

was the first film appearance of Donald Trump.

No joke, Trump's first movie was made by a (censor beep) phile.

He even does a little duck face in it, look at him.

Poetic.

Just watch this clip.

"Woah!"

"Happy (inaudible)"

"Oh no! How's my driving? 1800-I'm gonna-(censor beep)-die!"

[Evasive] Bruce Willis plays a master burglar fresh out of prison who

was blackmailed into stealing some art

but it turns out it's all part of a conspiracy to build a secret machine

invented by Leonardo Da Vinci that can turn lead into gold.

At this point in his career, Bruce Willis was mainly known for Die Hard I and II.

And was looking to branch out a bit with Hudson Hawk.

But apparently he couldn't decide what he wanted the movie to be.

In an interview, one of the writers later said:

I started to know we were in trouble when Joel and Bruce would say during filming

You know what this is? This is a Pink Panther movie.

The next day they'd say

You know what this is? This is an American James Bond movie.

Then it would be: You know what this is? This is North by Northwest.

I even remember someone saying:

You know what this is? This is Casino Royale.

Eventually I realized that if every day they were saying it was something different

by the time we got to the editing room, we were gonna be in trouble.

So yeah, the final product is all over the place,

but the movie has developed a bit of a cult following over the years

just because it's so…so silly

- (screaming)
- Honey?

- Ball ball?
- Woof!

(dog screaming)

[Evasive] Here's another movie that's really not that bad.

It's a World War II movie where Melanie Griffith is a half Jewish woman

with no spy experience who signs herself up to be a spy in Berlin

because she wants to prove herself and save her Jewish cousins who are in hiding.

Michael Douglas plays another spy

and pre-Schindler's List Liam Neeson plays a Nazi officer.

Most of the complaints about the movie were aimed at how unbelievable Melanie Griffith is at being a spy

because she was really bad at her job.

Like "spilling soup on Liam Neeson and taking the German kids she's nannying

to the building her cousins are hiding in" kind of bad

But overall it's not that awful of a movie

because the plot holes and writing problems are balanced out by a good soundtrack and good cinematography

It's just average.

Not bad enough to be memorable but not good enough that you'd ever wanna watch it again.

Basically the cinematic equivalent of eating at Denny's.

I think 1992 was just a slow year for bad movies in general.

That same year they also nominated Newsies for Worst Picture

and Danny DeVito for Worst Supporting Actor

like…what? Why? How?

What?

Once again, this is a movie that's not that bad.

It's a drama where Woody Harrelson and Demi Moore

play a financially struggling married couple in Vegas

and Robert Redford is a filthy rich guy

who offers the couple 1 million dollars for a 1 night stand with Demi Moore.

Honestly, it's fine.

It takes itself very seriously and it's vaguely misogynistic at points.

Also it's completely unbelievable that a man who looks like Robert Redford

would pay a million dollars to sleep with someone.

But in the context of the movie it all works.

Definitely not the worst movie of the year that's for sure.

I mean you're telling me that Indecent Proposal won Worst Picture but Mr. Nanny wasn't even nominated?

Razzie voters were asleep at the wheel this year.

In this one Bruce Willis plays a psychologist who can't see the color red

who gets wrapped up in a murder after his colleague

gets killed Assassin's Creed-style and he suspects it was someone in his therapy group.

I'm so confused why it was even nominated for Worst Picture because this wasn't even a bad movie at all.

It's surreal and weird sure but it's in a Twin Peaks style of way that still makes it unsettling and fun to watch.

Definitely a 6.5 out of 10 movie for me.

Maybe a 7 out of 10 I dunno.

This is another one that became a cult hit after it was released on home video.

Partly because of this crazy sex scene in a pool that everybody wanted to see

It was even streaming on Criterion Channel at one point

which basically means that it's certified art.

That's all I have to say.

I dunno guys, some of these 90s movies aren't even bad enough to complain about.

There's a lot to be said about Showgirls.

First of all, Director Paul Verhoeven was the first to accept his Razzie award in person.

And that's kind of funny.

And I'm very happy because it was much more fun than reading the reviews in September. Thank you.

(clapping, cheering)

Second of all, Showgirls isn't bad.

It's actually a great movie, in my opinion, and a lot of people agree.

It is a wild movie about high budget Las Vegas strip shows

And obviously with subject matter like that

you're going to view the movie very differently

depending on your gender and sexuality.

But regardless of what kind of person you are

the experience of watching this movie is an absolute rollercoaster

"One. Two. Three."

"Thrust it. Thrust it. Thrust it."

"Come on, thrust it."

But for as over the top as this movie is
it's also pretty true to life.

During his research, writer Joe [Esterhazs] interviewed

over two hundred strippers in Las Vegas

and the result was a shockingly realistic depiction of the lives of high profile sex workers and performers

And a biting satire against show business in general.

Take a look at these tits.

What are these, watermelons?

This is a stage, babes, it's not a patch.

See ya.

Your ears are sticking out. They are.

Come back and see me when you get em fixed.

See ya.

Can you spell MGM backwards? I bet you can't.

- MGM.
- I'm impressed.

Come back when you fuck some of those baby fat off.

Now in today's era of gritty HBO dramas, none of this is that shocking

but in 1995 this was next level stuff.

Plus with the subject matter, this movie has a lot of nudity.

It was rated NC-17 in America

and to date it is the only NC-17 movie that was given a wide release in theaters.

It was so explicit and controversial that MGM had to hire security at every movie theater in America

just to make sure nobody under the age of 18 snuck into the theater.

The movie lost millions of dollars and to this day, no studio has ever dared to try and release an NC-17 movie in theaters again.

If this sounds interesting to you, I actually really recommend giving this movie a watch

because I can't really do it justice with just words alone.

Just know what you're getting into before you turn it on

because this movie is every bit as traumatic as it is glamorous

And actually to prove to you how much I like this movie, watch this.

Oh.

Oh.

I'm a showgirl.

I'm a showgirl, baby.

I'm a showgirl.

In the mid-90s, Demi Moore was one of the biggest film stars in the world.

And the world was dying to know, what do Demi Moore's boobs look like?

That's actually the only reason this movie exists.

They paid Demi Moore 12.5 million dollars

the most any woman had ever been paid for a movie role at the time

just so she would star in this movie and show her boobs to the camera.

This movie is like if Showgirls was actually bad.

Demi Moore plays an FBI agent who loses her daughter in a custody battle

and then becomes a stripper in Florida at a place called Eager Beaver

to pay for a court appeal.

She basically girlbosses being a stripper.

Not in a nuanced way like Showgirls though.

But in a stupid way that it takes itself seriously

and is mostly boring and not believable at all.

Despite the bad reviews, the movie ended up being such a huge success

and the director-writer-producer Andrew Bergman basically quit Hollywood after this movie

I'm pretty sure what happened is once he got Demi Moore to agree to go topless,

he basically just phoned it in for the rest of the movie

because clearly the audiences who were going to see this

weren't watching for the plot.

But what can I say?

That's showbiz, baby.

That's…that's showbiz, baby.

The Postman takes place in a distant future year of 2013

after much of humanity has been wiped out by a plague.

Kevin Costner, who also directed the movie,

stars as a traveling Shakespeare performer that's conscripted to Caesar's Legion

but he escapes and finds an old mail bag full of mail

and pretends to be a mailman so he can get food

and accidentally restarts the US postal service in the process

Also it's almost 3 hours long.

Honestly, as most of post apocalyptic adventures go, this one isn't that bad.

It's about the same level of quality as Waterworld, actually.

But the fact that it was a 3 hour long Kevin Costner vanity project,

released just a week after Titanic,

made it a very easy target for critics.

What is Kevin Costner even up to, these days, anyway?

(typing) Kevin Costner.

I mean, hey. Good luck Kevin.

If you aren't familiar, the name Alan Smithee is a fake name the Director's Guild came up with in 1968

that directors who wanted to take their name of a movie were required to use instead.

And this movie caused such a headache that the Directors' Guild had to officially stop allowing the use of the Alan Smithee name in movies.

Ok so this movie was written by Joe Eszterhas and was directed by Arthur Hiller.

It's a mockumentary about a guy whose name was actually Alan Smithee

that directs an action movie but he hates the finished product

so he steals the film reels and holds them ransom

because he wasn't allowed to take his name off it.

Now behind the scenes in real life,

Joe Eszterhas was in charge of cutting Burn Hollywood Burn

and when Arthur Hiller saw the final version

he hated it so much he had his name taken off the movie

But this of course created a confusion

because this was a movie about Alan Smithee

and the poster said it was directed by Alan Smithee

which you would assume was just a joke

but no, the director actually had his name taken off the movie.

It would take me so long to explain everything that's wrong with this movie

so let me just sum it up in four words.

Not funny.

Didn't laugh.

There's way too many characters,

the movie jumps all over the place

Harvey Weinstein is in it.

"Eew."

There's lots of not funny parts where the camera freeze frames

and there's a wall of text on screen.

I'm guessing what happened is they filmed all these scenes separately

and thought they were hilarious on set

but when they got to the editing room they realized they had nothing to work with

so Joe Eszterhas tried to salvage it by adding a bunch of text edit jokes

which actually made the movie worse.

I have no proof of this of course but it seems right to me.

I'd probably do the same thing in that situation.

Ok so this is a Western steampunk fusion movie

starring the Fresh Prince and the guy who plays Mr. Fischoeder in Bob's Burgers

as cowboy government agents who hunt down an evil ex-Confederate officer with no legs

who kidnaps President Ulysses S. Grant with a giant robot spider.

That's what this movie is.

(hooting)

This movie is ridiculous.

I don't know what the executives at Warner Bros. were snorting in the board room

when they decided to spend over a 170 million dollars

on a movie where cowboy Will Smith fights a huge mecha spider

but thank god they did because Will Smith turned down playing Neo in the Matrix to do this movie

And I'd like you to imagine what it would be like if Will Smith played Neo in the Matrix.

I probably would have messed the Matrix up.

I would've ruined it.

So I did y'all a favor.

This might not be a "good" movie

but oh my god it's so funny.

Plus the theme song is pretty fire.

If I may quote one of the great gangster rappers, William Will Smith,

(nonchalantly) wicki wild wild, wicki wicki wild

wicki wild, wicki wicki wild wild wild west.

wicki wild, wicki wicki wild wild west.

Do you find those lyrics inspiring?

I mean, I…

Battlefield Earth is an action sci-fi movie based on a novel written by Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology

which he wrote in 1982 when he was in hiding to avoid going to prison for his numerous crimes.

It's about a distant future world where humanity has been enslaved by aliens called "psychlos"

which are a very obvious metaphor for L. Ron Hubbard's vitriolic hate for psychiatrists.

John Travolta, who plays the evil alien leader called Turl

and has been a scientologist since 1975

is directly responsible for this movie existing.

The production company who took it on was later found to have defrauded investors out of 31 million dollars

by overreporting production costs

causing a lawsuit that forced the company to go bankrupt and shut down in 2007.

On top of that, the movie was a massive financial flop

not just because the movie and its John Travolta action figures

were an obvious Scientology recruitment tactic

but because the movie itself was a visual nightmare.

The special effects are ugly,

the costumes are disgusting,

and the whole movie was filmed in these crooked angles

that changed multiple times a scene.

which gave a bunch of people motion sickness.

It's a really infamously bad movie that's been covered by a bunch of other YouTube channels over the years

so if you want more information on it, go watch one of those videos.

Just don't watch the movie itself.

It'll do nothing but make you nauseous and waste two hours of your time.

I'm serious, don't do it.

I'm sorry, you guys, conflict of interest, I can't talk about Freddy Got Fingered.

One of my friends and I watched this movie like four times during quarantine

and we kinda bonded over it.

And now this movie has a special place in my heart.

"Aw."

So I made Nikki watch it instead.

Because she's never seen it before.

And here she is now.

Where the hell do I even begin with this movie.

Part of me thinks this movie is some kind of deep anti-comedy

meant to satirize the other gross out comedies

that were popular in the early 2000s

and the other part of me thinks that maybe it means nothing at all.

I mean any normal human being

would read a title called

Freddy Got Fingered

and run away in the opposite direction.

Because what the fuck is that supposed to mean?

But to put it simply, this movie is about a 28 year old man

"Stop it, stop it, Mom, I'm a 28 year old man."

"Hey, baby, he's a 28 year old man."

His name is Gord and he moves to LA to be a cheese worker.

And also to pursue his dream of being a professional animator.

Seems pretty simple, right? Seems pretty cut and dry?

But that's where you'd be wrong.

Because so very many things happen in this movie

that are beyond human explanation.

Just to name a few,

Tom Green jerks off a horse

he swings a baby around by its umbilical cord

Tom Green walks around in a deer carcass

And he goes scuba diving in his own toilet.

- Get out of that toilet!
- (bubbling, gurgling)

But at the risk of sounding clinically insane

and demented

there are moments in this movie that I find kind of relatable.

Like this scene where the CEO of an animation company tells Gord that he doesn't like his drawings.

- It sucks.

And so he immediately sticks a gun in his mouth and starts screaming.

- The characters are so lame, I'm a loser.

I wish I was dead.

- (screaming)
- Wait, wait.

What makes this even funnier is that once he receives validation,

he takes the gun out of his mouth and acts like none of that ever happened at all.

- Sir I can't work on this all day, I got a job at the cheese sandwich factory.

If you're mentally ill, and make art, this is the film for you.

- It's time I grow up and get a job instead of acting like a little baby all the time.

I can't think of anything to draw because I'm so stupid.

I'm so stupid.

- And this movie surprised me in so many different ways

For one, it made me laugh way more than I anticipated.

- Can't you see we're both just a couple of stupid idiots.

- Gord…
- (mocking) Gord! Gordie!

It was also weirdly based at times.

I say weirdly because the early 2000s was a derogatory fever dream.

It was like running thru the perfume department in SpongeBob

but the perfume was slurs.

Gord ends up asking out this nurse named Betty

and she says yes, but afterwards he finds out that she's in a wheelchair.

At first I was like, oh shit, it's about to get real ableist in here

Lel-lel-lel.

I was truly prepared for the worst.

But my expectations were subverted when Betty ended up

not only the smartest person in this whole movie

but her and Gord remain in a relationship for the rest of the film.

- I have a bag of jewels for you.
- Gord…

- They're jewels, Betty.

Another interesting thing to me is that

Betty constantly wants to give Gord a blow (dolphin sound) job.

Here me out dude!

She asks him this so many times in the movie,

that it comes off as very obviously satirical.

- Gord, I don't care about jewels, I just wanna suck your cock

My life's a little hectic lately,

I'm having trouble concentrating with all the skateboarding and

- you sucking my penis all the time
- (chuckling)

And again, my expectations are subverted by Gord repeatedly asking if they can just go out on a date.

- I just think if we went out on at least one date

and you didn't do any sucking right now

that would make the whole sucking to date ratio

far more balanced, you know?

- This could be a play on the trope of male protagonists in comedy especially

being obsessed with sex

And not only that but women being ultra sexualized in these movies.

Not all the subversion in this movie is good, though, necessarily.

If you were wondering how the movie got its title,

I shit you not, about 50 minutes into the film,

Gord frames his dad for "fingering" his brother.

- At least I don't touch Freddy.

He fingers him.

- His brother who is like 25 and doesn't even live with them.

- He's a molester!

He's a child molester!

- But CPS literally goes into his apartment and takes him to the molestation hospital.

Is this shocking?

Uh, yes.

I don't know if it's shocking compared to the other things that happen in this movie.

(screaming)

Is it in poor taste?

Uh…luhh…luhh…

Maybe.

But this whole framing of the fingering

is the canon event that leads to the finale of the film.

When Gord pranks his dad by

abducting him in the middle of the nightand taking him to Pakistan.

- You're fucking dead.

They could write books and novels and college theseses

about everything else that happen between then and the ending

but just know that this movie ends with Gord and his dad being covered in elephant c—(censor beep)

(elephant trumpeting)

Speaking of which, there's an elephant in this room!

The elephant is that I actually kinda like this movie.

Also the elephant is coming.

Is that so wrong?

And is it so wrong that maybe kinda

I might be attracted to Tom Green in this movie?

Is it ok that he might be the Pete Davidson of the 90s?

Shut up.

As far as career-ruining films go,

Tom Green took the failure of Freddy very very well.

He even showed up to accept his Golden Razzie.

He rolled out his own red carpet too.

- Well done you guys. Give him some space.

Thank you very much.

Celebrate your successes

and your failures.

[Evasive] A remake of an italian film from 1974

Swept Away is a movie where Madonna plays the dumbest

most unlikable rich woman in the world

who gets marooned on an island with an Italian sailor

who hates her and sexually assaults her.

3 minutes after that

there's a time skip and suddenly they're in love.

It's a nasty nasty nasty movie

and I don't even wanna talk about it.

It was so bad it caused Madonna to give up on acting entirely.

It's a disaster. Absolute agony to watch.

Especially when you consider the movie was directed by Madonna's then-husband Guy Ritchie.

Madonna later divorced Guy Ritchie in 2008

but in my opinion queen should've divorced Guy Ritchie on the spot

for even suggesting this movie.

[Madonna] Ugh. It was rough.

There's nothing glamorous about it, then you were really mean to me.

Mrs. Ritchie.

I just want to slap you on camera.

Why, Mrs. Ritchie?

For all those times you let Adriano slap me and never yelled cut.

[Ritchie] One more.

[Madonna] And all those times they threw octopuses on me.

And all those times you made me stay in the freezing cold ice water.

And all those times you made me run down the sand dunes.

And all those times you ate my food.

And you didn't pay me.

And you never said thank you.

(crying)

I'm not gonna lie, I was riding the high

of actually enjoying Freddy Got Fingered

when Gigli came in and literally snuffed the life out of me.

Gigli is a movie.

It's about a mobster named Gigli. (47:40)