What's up cinephiles,
I'm Evasive,

and this piece of paper right here
means two things:

Number one, I am tens of
thousands of

dollars in debt,

and number two, I know a lot
about movies.

And since it looks like the U.S
government

is not going to be giving me any
debt relief this year,

I have no choice now but to
torture myself on the Internet

for money to pay off the loans

I took out to go to film school.

(eEeEewWwWw!)

So for this video, I watched every
movie that's ever won

a Razzie Award for Worst Picture
of the Year.

This was an extremely painful
experience

and I regretted my decision
immediately,

but for the sake of my adoring
fans

and my bank account,

I went ahead and watched all 46
of these

movies so I could explain them to
you.

But after the grueling experience
of watching all these movies,

I'm not about to tackle this
breakdown alone.

So I went ahead and roped in
another video

essay girly and a talking trash can

to help explain some of these
movies for me.

But before I get to the movies, let
me explain what the Razzies are.

The Golden Raspberry Awards are
an annual event,

usually held the night before the Oscars,

to give out awards for the worst
movies of the year.

It was founded by Hollywood
copywriter

John Wilson and editor Maureen
Murphy.

The idea for the Razzies came
about

in 1980 when Wilson saw

Can't Stop the Music and Xanadu

back to back and hated them both

so much he thought there ought

to be an award show for this type
of thing.

Months later, Wilson hosted an

Oscars watch party at his house,

and after the Oscars had finished,

he and Murphy passed out ballots
to everyone at the party to vote

on the worst movies of the year,

and then he announced the
winners in his living room.

Over time, the ceremony grew and
grew,

and today they're considered a
staple

of the Hollywood award season

as a low-budget Bizarro World
Oscars

that distributes awards in
categories

such as Worst Actor, Worst
Director,

and Worst Screenplay.

Unlike the qualifications for voting
at the Oscars, though,

becoming a Razzie voter is very
easy:

either be friends with one of the
producers

or just pay a $40 membership fee.

That's all it takes.

So that's the story of the Razzies.

Now, are you ready to learn about
every single movie

that won Worst Picture?

Because I wasn't.

There's 46 of these things, so I'm
going to talk about each one

just a minute or two

and hand off a few to my guests

so I don't completely lose my mind here.

Also, I put a content warning on a
bunch of these movies

because of the sensitive subject
matter I discuss.

Not trying to traumatize anybody
but myself in this video...

well, me and my guests.

But I commissioned them for this,
so i-- it's fine.

Anybody who can swallow
two snowballs and a ding-dong

shouldn't have any trouble with pride.

[Evasive] The first movie to win
Worst Picture was "Can't Stop The Music".

A movie about the "origins"
of the disco group "Village People".

I say origins in air-quotes because
the Village People play themselves

and the plot is completely made-up

and not at all how 
the Village People actually formed

The movie itself is super campy
and full of these crazy musical numbers

that are unironically kinda great.

It's just too bad that in between
those musical numbers are these scenes

with really terrible acting 
that go on for way too long.

"Wait a minute! I am not taking one
more step 'til I know where I'm going."

"Yeah, quit my job, and you
got me walking the beat again!"

- "And I'm not even getting paid for it!"
- "Hey, hold your horses."

"I told ya I had a surprise for ya."

"I hope so. I turned in my
coin change with the toll booth."

[Evasive] By 1980 the disco fad was 
almost over and

people loved to hate on
disco music at the time

so you can see why this
ended up being such a huge bomb.

Also, shockingly, this movie marks the
first film appearance of Caitlyn Jenner

and apparently the experience was so bad

she didn't appear in a movie again until
"Jack & Jill 2011".

And, uh, well.

Mommie Dearest is a "biopic"

about the life of actress Joan Crawford's
adopted daughter Christina.

Again, I say biopic in air-quotes
because the movie was based on

Christina Crawford's controversial memoir

that other members of Joan Crawford's
family disavowed when it came out.

I haven't done much research on the topic

so I'm in no position
to question this story.

But I will say that after
the movie was made

Christina said the film was grotesque
and not true to her memoir.

Released just 4 years after
Joan Crawford passed away,

this movie basically spits all over
her fresh grave

and portrays her as a horrible mother

who frequently, physically and emotionally
abused her daughter.

Whether or not this is actually true
is still a matter of debate.

Regardless of the real-life circumstances
behind the movie,

Faye Dunway's performance
of Joan Crawford is iconic now.

People who have unfortunately
experienced emotional abuse from a parent

found her performance
scarily true to their own life experiences

but general audiences thought
she was just being outrageously campy

and over the top the whole movie.

Because of its reputation, the movie
became a queer cult classic over the years

especially in the drag community.

It was even featured in the most
recent season of RuPaul's Drag Race.

"No wire hangers!"

♫ No more wire hangers ♫
♫ Ah, ah! ♫

♫ No, no, wire hangers ♫
♫ No, no, no, no ♫

[Evasive] Inchon is a movie about
the battle of Incheon in the Korean War.

It was financed and produced
by the Unification Church,

a movement that was and still is
considered a dangerous cult

with a leader who called himself
the second coming of Jesus Christ.

The film's producer was
a very wealthy member of the church.

He said he was instructed by God
to make the film.

So, unsurprisingly, no investors wanted
any part of this.

All 46 million dollars of the budget was
provided by the church and its followers.

The film itself doesn't have much
to do with the Unification Church.

It's a straightforward war movie that's
just boring and unremarkable.

It had some star power but only because
the actors in it were paid a lot of money.

With Laurence Olivier even admitting
before the movie was released

that he was only in it for the money.

It was such a flop that no one
even bothered to release it on home media.

The only available version
of the movie today

was from an old VHS rip from when it
played on Unification Church TV channel.

The only thing worth seeing in this movie
was Laurence Olivier's makeup job.

I mean he looks like the Joker.

This movie is just tasteless.

it's based on a novel by Harold Robbins

who was paid 600 000 dollars
for the film rights

and apparently fell asleep
in the screening room

and never actually watched the movie.

First of all, in the first 15 minutes,

young Ray Liotta,
in his first ever movie role,

sexually assaults the main character
with a garden hose.

After that the rest of the movie
is just her being forced to have sex

with gross older men
in order to get ahead in Hollywood.

And you see all of it.

It seems like it was trying to criticize
sexism in Hollywood

but instead of handling it
with any kind of nuance or respect,

the movie fully shows the sex scenes

and does the very thing
it's trying to critique.

The final scene of the movie shows
her winning an Oscar for Best Screenplay

and calling out the men
who took advantage of her

in her acceptance speech.

Then she's booed off stage, and leaves,
and the movie just ends there.

It's really uncomfortable to watch.

But somehow the next movie is even worse.

Ugh, god, ok.

Bolero is a movie by John Derek.

John Derek is—
(groan)

John Derek was an old Hollywood actor

who appeared in supporting roles in
several big movies in the 1940s and 50s.

In 1973 when Derek was 47 years old,

he traveled to Europe to direct
a low-budget movie called

"Once upon a Love" starring
a 16 year old girl named

"Mary Cathleen Collins".

During the production—
(retching)

I'm sorry.

During the production, 
John Derek left his wife

and groomed Mary Collins
into a sexual relationship,

With the two staying in Europe
until she turned 18

so he could avoid 
statutory (censor beep) charges.

When they got married a few years later,
she changed her name to Bo Derek

and proceeded to star in all of his movies
until he died in 1998.

(retching)
(vomit squelching)

I'm sorry.

So anyway, Bolero was a movie
about a young woman fresh from college

who travels to Morocco in Spain
to lose her virginity.

If that wasn't bad enough,

this movie features a full-frontal
nudity scene with a 14 year old girl.

Not an actress playing a 14 year old girl.

An actual 14 year old girl.

(retching, vomit squelching)
(coughing)

If you've never seen any
Rambo movies before

the image you probably associate
with the word "Rambo"

is the one where
hypermasculine Sylvester Stallone

is firing a machine gun
without a shirt on.

But see, that's actually from this movie,
"Rambo First Blood: Part II",

which has very little to do
with Part 1 at all.

The whole point of
the first Rambo movie was that

Rambo was a Vietnam War veteran
with severe PTSD

who snaps and kills a bunch of
small-time cops who treat him like shit.

This sequel, on the other hand

throws that tragic anti-war character
out the window

as the US government sends him
back to Vietnam

to locate prisoners of war

and Rambo is weirdly ok with that.

It's like he immediately got over his PTSD

and just got straight to blowing stuff up,
no problem.

This movie was
a massive box office success

and made double of what
the first movie made,

so naturally, Rambo III also ditched
the anti-war angle

and sent Rambo to Afghanistan.

I dunno if someone thought
the first movie was amazing,

it really sucks to see how quickly
they ruined this character.

But, like, I get it.

The people who went to see
these sequels in theaters

didn't watch it for the plot.

They watched to see 
Sylvester Stallone do this.

(bow twang)
(explosion)

In the early 80s, Prince was a rising star.

And his stardom was cemented in 1984

with the massive hit that was Purple Rain.

After the success of Purple Rain,

Warner Brothers told Prince he was basically allowed to do anything he wanted for his next project,

greenlighting Under the Cherry Moon without even reading the script

the story is, Prince plays a guy in the French Rivier named Christopher

He and his friend Tricky try to scam a rich girl out of her inheritance

but they both end up falling in love with her.

Problem with the movie became apparent early on

when Prince hired someone with no experience to write the script.

Then 16 days into filming, the director quit.

And Prince took over even though he had no experience directing a movie before.

The end result was a movie that features what I can only describe as

Acting.

"Don't try anything funny.
Not this time, Christopher."

"I want the money or I throw you both out onto the street."

(gasp)

"That's right, [inaudible]"

"Throw me onto the street?"

It's bizarre, it's one of those movies where the acting is so bad it loops around to being funny

which has given the movie a bit of a cult following over the years

that and the soundtrack is amazing

like with Purple Rain Prince released an album with the movie that went Platinum

and is today remembered as one of the most iconic movies of his career

After Under the Cherry Moon failed, Prince tried one more time to direct a feature-length movie

but that one got nominated for a bunch of Razzies too

and after that he gave up and never tried to direct a movie again.

Also this here marks the first ever tie in Razzies history with Under the Cherry Moon tieing with

(laughing)
Howard the Duck.

(laughing)

Greetings, Evasive viewers, it is I, young Junko, expert in Bird Law

and I'm here to defend my client Howard T. Duck,

star of the Razzies' Worst Film of 1986, Howard The Duck

For nearly the last 40 years my client's reputation has been tarnished and slandered against

by quack punch, chicken shit critics for this tragic box office bomb.

"Central character, the Duck, the one that we're gonna be rooting for,

he's neither funny, or bit of funny."

But I'm here to clear the air.

Howard the Duck is not a movie, no, it's a documentary.

I know this because I was there.

We all were.

My entire clan witnessed my client crash land on Earth

to star in a motion picture that of which has been

it's still awful. It's bad. We're not winning this case, buddy.

"I wasn't trying anything. Honest!"

This is a strange movie to say the least.

Howard the Duck notoriously opens with 2 instances of

full frontal duck booba in the span of 30 seconds.

But the rest of the movie is this whiplash

between what's a squeaky clean full house type family movie

that no one older than the age of 3 years old would find funny

followed by things like Marty McFly's mom showing off her ass and

pulling off a condom for Howard's corkscrew.

"Howard…"

It's like anti-matter Shrek where they didn't know how to mix adult humor and the kids' [inaudible] properly yet

so [inaudible] becomes this overly long bland comedy

with hardly any intentional laughs

that just happens to throw in something totally obscene every now and then

- [Howard] Oh!
- I just can't resist your

intense animal magnetism.

There's a lot of attempts at duck puns, most are just replacing a random phrase in a word with "duck"

"That's it. No more Mr. Nice Duck."

Even the director's name is Willard Hyuck.

That's a duck name. That's a name you give a duck.

The first half of the movie has Howard pointlessly meandering

there's no funny interactions or observations or memorable bits

it's just an aimless movie with the guy in the duck suit.

You have an entire portion of the movie

where Howard has a job as a towel boy in a sex club

it's fun for the whole family!

Yeah, Breeders, what the hell.

Bareback bestiality and pedophilia.

Oh yeah, we find Howard getting a [inaudible] as a result of a [inaudible] incident.

Which also [inadubile] a Palpatine somehow returning from the dead and possessing the body of that one actor that's in every 80s movie who'd later be arrested for being a sex pervert.

"Whaddya think you'd like to eat?"

"I no longer need human food."

I need little boy butts.

You have a movie where a talking duck fires a giant laser

at a hell portal to stop a horde of alien warlords

from taking over the Earth

and they still manage to make it a total snooze fest

They try to give Howard a bit of edge

but he still feels too kiddy and sanitized for what they're going for

And part of that is his design.

He looks like a cross of a Furby and Mac Culkin.

There are some things I did like,

like these alien overlords are pretty cool

their design and their stop motion is really well done

and the sequence where Howard gets shot into space

is pretty neat, pretty impressive to look at.

I like this sequence where Howard and [inaudible] get a [inaudible]

and start flying away from the cops

that was good.

Yeah, Tim Robins is in this

Imagine having what's considered one of the best movies of all time as part of your portfolio

and then on the other end of the spectrum having Howard the Duck,

now that's range

Genuinely I was taken aback because some of the shots in this movie

undeniably go hard.

I feel like there's a version of this movie that could've actualy been good with less work

like if they leaned into Howard being this cynical wise-cracking duck

that's down on his luck who gets thrust into Earth and finds this strange new realm

isn't so much different from his own

then it's all about the bills baby put it on my belt

[inaudible] taking that as an opportunity for a fresh start,

slowly climbing his way up the corporate ladder

until becoming a national celebrity that gets caught up in 80s consumerism and greed

then maybe having begrudgingly involved in some of the weird sci-fi stuff like the comics, i dunno

I'm not sure how to defend my client, give him the chair.

(Howard screams)

(Evasive laughing)

Alright, I may not be able to defend Howard,

but know this: from this day forth, I will ensure every client of mine

is proven innocent.

Now for my next client, I will be defending one Bill Cosby.

Bill Co-Bill Cosby.

I'm good. Your Honor? I would draw. We're done here. We're done.

It's Leonard, part 6.

Ask anyone who's seen this movie they'll tell you

that's when they first knew lil' Bill was a real piece of shit

When I heard there was a comedy movie

that just started on part 6

I thought, hey, maybe this movie could be bad in a good way, at the very least

Nope, it's just bad, it's boring, it's so boring.

If there's one thing Cosby was always a master at

it's making people very sleepy.

The whole thing was supposed to be a spoof on the spy genre,

sorta like Naked Gun, except they actually came out a year before that movie

They really just had the cameras rolling and had Bill Cosby do whatever he wanted

There's a bunch of weird sex shit

I mean the clues are all there,

in the movie his wife divorced him because he slept with a 19 year old

and his daughter is dating a much older man to further her career as an actress

so then Leonard has to see her flash her tits on stage

for no reason, none of these scenes add anything to the movie

I think Cosby just wanted to look at some young girl tits

The whole film has this lethargic and slow energy to it

Everything from the dialogue to the editing,

it's like watching a movie at 0.5 speed.

The movie opens with Leonard and an assassin having a little shootout in a kitchen

The joke being that what they're doing is actually helping to prep some of the food

Ok, could be funny but the pace of it all is so bizarrely off by a step

Every gag and bit is like this, like they took something that was

maybe a 3 out of 10 joke at best and spread it so thin that

you ask yourself was there even a joke at all to begin with?

The plot follows Leonard being the best agent in the world

who's long been retired after being pulled back for one last mission

after a buncha animals under mind control start killing people

Yet again a god-awful 80s comedy starts of with an animal looking at a porno mag

Here's two fucking nickels

The entire first half is him just stumbling around tryna get back with his ex wife

who pours soup on him—what is this gag?

Is this a fetish, Mr. Cosby? You think this was genuinely funny?

[mocking] We'll have him pour soup.

Cosby doesn't have a single funny line or hook to his character

you can tell he's put zero effort into any of this

It's like he said "Yeah I'll do the movie but I don't wanna look too stupid,

don't make me look too stupid."

Most of these so-called jokes are what the most boring uptight person in the world would think being silly is.

[mocking] Oh, look, wow he's being a ballerina, so girly.

Oh, wow, he's doing a silly fitness tape, how can he subject himself to that.

Oh, wee, it's like he thinks these things are so beneath him

that just him doing it would be funny.

What a piece of shit.

You know what really makes me mad, though?

It's completely unfair. Because everyone seems to be trying, but him.

There's a part where Leonard tries to free all the animals from captivity,

and I just wanna recognize this bird right here.

Who in this 5 second shot, bends the bars of his cage with his beak and breaks free

God bless this bird.

This bird put more effort than Bill Cosby in his own movie.

This bird did not deserve to be in one of the worst movies of all time.

None of these animals did.

This ostrich didn't deserve to be betrayed with a sex criminal grinding his pudding pop on its back.

If audiences in 1987 hated this, watching it now,

with all the humor naturally diluted even further to the passage of time

is like drinking a 40 year old can of new coke