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What's up cinephiles,
I'm Evasive,

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and this piece of paper right here
means two things:

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Number one, I am tens of
thousands of

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dollars in debt,

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and number two, I know a lot
about movies.

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And since it looks like the U.S
government

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is not going to be giving me any
debt relief this year,

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I have no choice now but to
torture myself on the Internet

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for money to pay off the loans

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I took out to go to film school.

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(eEeEewWwWw!)

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So for this video, I watched every
movie that's ever won

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a Razzie Award for Worst Picture
of the Year.

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This was an extremely painful
experience

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and I regretted my decision
immediately,

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but for the sake of my adoring
fans

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and my bank account,

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I went ahead and watched all 46
of these

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movies so I could explain them to
you.

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But after the grueling experience
of watching all these movies,

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I'm not about to tackle this
breakdown alone.

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So I went ahead and roped in
another video

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essay girly and a talking trash can

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to help explain some of these
movies for me.

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But before I get to the movies, let
me explain what the Razzies are.

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The Golden Raspberry Awards are
an annual event,

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usually held the night before the Oscars,

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to give out awards for the worst
movies of the year.

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It was founded by Hollywood
copywriter

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John Wilson and editor Maureen
Murphy.

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The idea for the Razzies came
about

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in 1980 when Wilson saw

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Can't Stop the Music and Xanadu

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back to back and hated them both

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so much he thought there ought

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to be an award show for this type
of thing.

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Months later, Wilson hosted an

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Oscars watch party at his house,

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and after the Oscars had finished,

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he and Murphy passed out ballots
to everyone at the party to vote

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on the worst movies of the year,

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and then he announced the
winners in his living room.

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Over time, the ceremony grew and
grew,

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and today they're considered a
staple

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of the Hollywood award season

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as a low-budget Bizarro World
Oscars

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that distributes awards in
categories

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such as Worst Actor, Worst
Director,

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and Worst Screenplay.

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Unlike the qualifications for voting
at the Oscars, though,

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becoming a Razzie voter is very
easy:

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either be friends with one of the
producers

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or just pay a $40 membership fee.

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That's all it takes.

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So that's the story of the Razzies.

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Now, are you ready to learn about
every single movie

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that won Worst Picture?

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Because I wasn't.

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There's 46 of these things, so I'm
going to talk about each one

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just a minute or two

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and hand off a few to my guests

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so I don't completely lose my mind here.

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Also, I put a content warning on a
bunch of these movies

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because of the sensitive subject
matter I discuss.

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Not trying to traumatize anybody
but myself in this video...

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well, me and my guests.

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But I commissioned them for this,
so i-- it's fine.

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Anybody who can swallow
two snowballs and a ding-dong

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shouldn't have any trouble with pride.

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[Evasive] The first movie to win
Worst Picture was "Can't Stop The Music".

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A movie about the "origins"
of the disco group "Village People".

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I say origins in air-quotes because
the Village People play themselves

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and the plot is completely made-up

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and not at all how 
the Village People actually formed

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The movie itself is super campy
and full of these crazy musical numbers

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that are unironically kinda great.

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It's just too bad that in between
those musical numbers are these scenes

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with really terrible acting 
that go on for way too long.

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"Wait a minute! I am not taking one
more step 'til I know where I'm going."

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"Yeah, quit my job, and you
got me walking the beat again!"

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- "And I'm not even getting paid for it!"
- "Hey, hold your horses."

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"I told ya I had a surprise for ya."

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"I hope so. I turned in my
coin change with the toll booth."

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[Evasive] By 1980 the disco fad was 
almost over and

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people loved to hate on
disco music at the time

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so you can see why this
ended up being such a huge bomb.

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Also, shockingly, this movie marks the
first film appearance of Caitlyn Jenner

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and apparently the experience was so bad

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she didn't appear in a movie again until
"Jack & Jill 2011".

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And, uh, well.

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Mommie Dearest is a "biopic"

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about the life of actress Joan Crawford's
adopted daughter Christina.

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Again, I say biopic in air-quotes
because the movie was based on

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Christina Crawford's controversial memoir

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that other members of Joan Crawford's
family disavowed when it came out.

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I haven't done much research on the topic

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so I'm in no position
to question this story.

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But I will say that after
the movie was made

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Christina said the film was grotesque
and not true to her memoir.

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Released just 4 years after
Joan Crawford passed away,

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this movie basically spits all over
her fresh grave

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and portrays her as a horrible mother

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who frequently, physically and emotionally
abused her daughter.

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Whether or not this is actually true
is still a matter of debate.

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Regardless of the real-life circumstances
behind the movie,

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Faye Dunway's performance
of Joan Crawford is iconic now.

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People who have unfortunately
experienced emotional abuse from a parent

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found her performance
scarily true to their own life experiences

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but general audiences thought
she was just being outrageously campy

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and over the top the whole movie.

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Because of its reputation, the movie
became a queer cult classic over the years

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especially in the drag community.

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It was even featured in the most
recent season of RuPaul's Drag Race.

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"No wire hangers!"

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♫ No more wire hangers ♫
♫ Ah, ah! ♫

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♫ No, no, wire hangers ♫
♫ No, no, no, no ♫

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[Evasive] Inchon is a movie about
the battle of Incheon in the Korean War.

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It was financed and produced
by the Unification Church,

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a movement that was and still is
considered a dangerous cult

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with a leader who called himself
the second coming of Jesus Christ.

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The film's producer was
a very wealthy member of the church.

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He said he was instructed by God
to make the film.

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So, unsurprisingly, no investors wanted
any part of this.

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All 46 million dollars of the budget was
provided by the church and its followers.

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The film itself doesn't have much
to do with the Unification Church.

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It's a straightforward war movie that's
just boring and unremarkable.

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It had some star power but only because
the actors in it were paid a lot of money.

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With Laurence Olivier even admitting
before the movie was released

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that he was only in it for the money.

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It was such a flop that no one
even bothered to release it on home media.

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The only available version
of the movie today

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was from an old VHS rip from when it
played on Unification Church TV channel.

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The only thing worth seeing in this movie
was Laurence Olivier's makeup job.

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I mean he looks like the Joker.

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This movie is just tasteless.

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it's based on a novel by Harold Robbins

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who was paid 600 000 dollars
for the film rights

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and apparently fell asleep
in the screening room

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and never actually watched the movie.

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First of all, in the first 15 minutes,

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young Ray Liotta,
in his first ever movie role,

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sexually assaults the main character
with a garden hose.

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After that the rest of the movie
is just her being forced to have sex

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with gross older men
in order to get ahead in Hollywood.

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And you see all of it.

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It seems like it was trying to criticize
sexism in Hollywood

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but instead of handling it
with any kind of nuance or respect,

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the movie fully shows the sex scenes

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and does the very thing
it's trying to critique.

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The final scene of the movie shows
her winning an Oscar for Best Screenplay

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and calling out the men
who took advantage of her

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in her acceptance speech.

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Then she's booed off stage, and leaves,
and the movie just ends there.

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It's really uncomfortable to watch.

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But somehow the next movie is even worse.

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Ugh, god, ok.

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Bolero is a movie by John Derek.

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John Derek is—
(groan)

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John Derek was an old Hollywood actor

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who appeared in supporting roles in
several big movies in the 1940s and 50s.

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In 1973 when Derek was 47 years old,

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he traveled to Europe to direct
a low-budget movie called

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"Once upon a Love" starring
a 16 year old girl named

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"Mary Cathleen Collins".

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During the production—
(retching)

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I'm sorry.

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During the production, 
John Derek left his wife

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and groomed Mary Collins
into a sexual relationship,

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With the two staying in Europe
until she turned 18

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so he could avoid 
statutory (censor beep) charges.

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When they got married a few years later,
she changed her name to Bo Derek

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and proceeded to star in all of his movies
until he died in 1998.

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(retching)
(vomit squelching)

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I'm sorry.

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So anyway, Bolero was a movie
about a young woman fresh from college

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who travels to Morocco in Spain
to lose her virginity.

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If that wasn't bad enough,

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this movie features a full-frontal
nudity scene with a 14 year old girl.

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Not an actress playing a 14 year old girl.

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An actual 14 year old girl.

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(retching, vomit squelching)
(coughing)

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If you've never seen any
Rambo movies before

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the image you probably associate
with the word "Rambo"

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is the one where
hypermasculine Sylvester Stallone

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is firing a machine gun
without a shirt on.

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But see, that's actually from this movie,
"Rambo First Blood: Part II",

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which has very little to do
with Part 1 at all.

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The whole point of
the first Rambo movie was that

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Rambo was a Vietnam War veteran
with severe PTSD

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who snaps and kills a bunch of
small-time cops who treat him like shit.

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This sequel, on the other hand

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throws that tragic anti-war character
out the window

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as the US government sends him
back to Vietnam

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to locate prisoners of war

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and Rambo is weirdly ok with that.

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It's like he immediately got over his PTSD

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and just got straight to blowing stuff up,
no problem.

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This movie was
a massive box office success

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and made double of what
the first movie made,

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so naturally, Rambo III also ditched
the anti-war angle

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and sent Rambo to Afghanistan.

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I dunno if someone thought
the first movie was amazing,

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it really sucks to see how quickly
they ruined this character.

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But, like, I get it.

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The people who went to see
these sequels in theaters

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didn't watch it for the plot.

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They watched to see 
Sylvester Stallone do this.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(bow twang)
(explosion)

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
In the early 80s, Prince was a rising star.

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And his stardom was cemented in 1984

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with the massive hit that was Purple Rain.

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After the success of Purple Rain,

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Warner Brothers told Prince he was basically allowed to do anything he wanted for his next project,

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greenlighting Under the Cherry Moon without even reading the script

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
the story is, Prince plays a guy in the French Rivier named Christopher

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He and his friend Tricky try to scam a rich girl out of her inheritance

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but they both end up falling in love with her.

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Problem with the movie became apparent early on

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when Prince hired someone with no experience to write the script.

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Then 16 days into filming, the director quit.

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And Prince took over even though he had no experience directing a movie before.

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The end result was a movie that features what I can only describe as

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Acting.

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"Don't try anything funny.
Not this time, Christopher."

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"I want the money or I throw you both out onto the street."

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
(gasp)

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"That's right, [inaudible]"

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
"Throw me onto the street?"

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
It's bizarre, it's one of those movies where the acting is so bad it loops around to being funny

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which has given the movie a bit of a cult following over the years

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
that and the soundtrack is amazing

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
like with Purple Rain Prince released an album with the movie that went Platinum

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and is today remembered as one of the most iconic movies of his career

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
After Under the Cherry Moon failed, Prince tried one more time to direct a feature-length movie

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but that one got nominated for a bunch of Razzies too

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and after that he gave up and never tried to direct a movie again.

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99:59:59,999 --> 99:59:59,999
Also this here marks the first ever tie in Razzies history with Under the Cherry Moon tieing with

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(laughing)
Howard the Duck.

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(laughing)

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Greetings, Evasive viewers, it is I, young Junko, expert in Bird Law

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and I'm here to defend my client Howard T. Duck,

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star of the Razzies' Worst Film of 1986, Howard The Duck

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For nearly the last 40 years my client's reputation has been tarnished and slandered against

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by quack punch, chicken shit critics for this tragic box office bomb.

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"Central character, the Duck, the one that we're gonna be rooting for,

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he's neither funny, or bit of funny."

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But I'm here to clear the air.

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Howard the Duck is not a movie, no, it's a documentary.

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I know this because I was there.

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We all were.

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My entire clan witnessed my client crash land on Earth

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to star in a motion picture that of which has been

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it's still awful. It's bad. We're not winning this case, buddy.

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"I wasn't trying anything. Honest!"

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This is a strange movie to say the least.

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Howard the Duck notoriously opens with 2 instances of

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full frontal duck booba in the span of 30 seconds.

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But the rest of the movie is this whiplash

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between what's a squeaky clean full house type family movie

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that no one older than the age of 3 years old would find funny

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followed by things like Marty McFly's mom showing off her ass and

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pulling off a condom for Howard's corkscrew.

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"Howard…"

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It's like anti-matter Shrek where they didn't know how to mix adult humor and the kids' [inaudible] properly yet

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so [inaudible] becomes this overly long bland comedy

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with hardly any intentional laughs

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that just happens to throw in something totally obscene every now and then

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- [Howard] Oh!
- I just can't resist your

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intense animal magnetism.

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There's a lot of attempts at duck puns, most are just replacing a random phrase in a word with "duck"

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"That's it. No more Mr. Nice Duck."

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Even the director's name is Willard Hyuck.

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That's a duck name. That's a name you give a duck.

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The first half of the movie has Howard pointlessly meandering

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there's no funny interactions or observations or memorable bits

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it's just an aimless movie with the guy in the duck suit.

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You have an entire portion of the movie

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where Howard has a job as a towel boy in a sex club

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it's fun for the whole family!

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Yeah, Breeders, what the hell.

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Bareback bestiality and pedophilia.

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Oh yeah, we find Howard getting a [inaudible] as a result of a [inaudible] incident.

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Which also [inadubile] a Palpatine somehow returning from the dead and possessing the body of that one actor that's in every 80s movie who'd later be arrested for being a sex pervert.

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"Whaddya think you'd like to eat?"

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"I no longer need human food."

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I need little boy butts.

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You have a movie where a talking duck fires a giant laser

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at a hell portal to stop a horde of alien warlords

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from taking over the Earth

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and they still manage to make it a total snooze fest

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They try to give Howard a bit of edge

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but he still feels too kiddy and sanitized for what they're going for

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And part of that is his design.

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He looks like a cross of a Furby and Mac Culkin.

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There are some things I did like,

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like these alien overlords are pretty cool

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their design and their stop motion is really well done

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and the sequence where Howard gets shot into space

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is pretty neat, pretty impressive to look at.

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I like this sequence where Howard and [inaudible] get a [inaudible]

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and start flying away from the cops

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that was good.

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Yeah, Tim Robins is in this

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Imagine having what's considered one of the best movies of all time as part of your portfolio

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and then on the other end of the spectrum having Howard the Duck,

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now that's range

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Genuinely I was taken aback because some of the shots in this movie

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undeniably go hard.

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I feel like there's a version of this movie that could've actualy been good with less work

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like if they leaned into Howard being this cynical wise-cracking duck

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that's down on his luck who gets thrust into Earth and finds this strange new realm

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isn't so much different from his own

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then it's all about the bills baby put it on my belt

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[inaudible] taking that as an opportunity for a fresh start,

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slowly climbing his way up the corporate ladder

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until becoming a national celebrity that gets caught up in 80s consumerism and greed

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then maybe having begrudgingly involved in some of the weird sci-fi stuff like the comics, i dunno

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I'm not sure how to defend my client, give him the chair.

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(Howard screams)

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(Evasive laughing)

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Alright, I may not be able to defend Howard,

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but know this: from this day forth, I will ensure every client of mine

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is proven innocent.

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Now for my next client, I will be defending one Bill Cosby.

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Bill Co-Bill Cosby.

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I'm good. Your Honor? I would draw. We're done here. We're done.

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It's Leonard, part 6.

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Ask anyone who's seen this movie they'll tell you

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that's when they first knew lil' Bill was a real piece of shit

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When I heard there was a comedy movie

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that just started on part 6

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I thought, hey, maybe this movie could be bad in a good way, at the very least

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Nope, it's just bad, it's boring, it's so boring.

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If there's one thing Cosby was always a master at

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it's making people very sleepy.

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The whole thing was supposed to be a spoof on the spy genre,

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sorta like Naked Gun, except they actually came out a year before that movie

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They really just had the cameras rolling and had Bill Cosby do whatever he wanted

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There's a bunch of weird sex shit

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I mean the clues are all there,

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in the movie his wife divorced him because he slept with a 19 year old

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and his daughter is dating a much older man to further her career as an actress

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so then Leonard has to see her flash her tits on stage

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for no reason, none of these scenes add anything to the movie

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I think Cosby just wanted to look at some young girl tits

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The whole film has this lethargic and slow energy to it

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Everything from the dialogue to the editing,

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it's like watching a movie at 0.5 speed.

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The movie opens with Leonard and an assassin having a little shootout in a kitchen

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The joke being that what they're doing is actually helping to prep some of the food

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Ok, could be funny but the pace of it all is so bizarrely off by a step

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Every gag and bit is like this, like they took something that was

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maybe a 3 out of 10 joke at best and spread it so thin that

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you ask yourself was there even a joke at all to begin with?

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The plot follows Leonard being the best agent in the world

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who's long been retired after being pulled back for one last mission

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after a buncha animals under mind control start killing people

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Yet again a god-awful 80s comedy starts of with an animal looking at a porno mag

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Here's two fucking nickels

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The entire first half is him just stumbling around tryna get back with his ex wife

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who pours soup on him—what is this gag?

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Is this a fetish, Mr. Cosby? You think this was genuinely funny?

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[mocking] We'll have him pour soup.

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Cosby doesn't have a single funny line or hook to his character

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you can tell he's put zero effort into any of this

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It's like he said "Yeah I'll do the movie but I don't wanna look too stupid,

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don't make me look too stupid."

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Most of these so-called jokes are what the most boring uptight person in the world would think being silly is.

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[mocking] Oh, look, wow he's being a ballerina, so girly.

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Oh, wow, he's doing a silly fitness tape, how can he subject himself to that.

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Oh, wee, it's like he thinks these things are so beneath him

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that just him doing it would be funny.

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What a piece of shit.

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You know what really makes me mad, though?

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It's completely unfair. Because everyone seems to be trying, but him.

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There's a part where Leonard tries to free all the animals from captivity,

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and I just wanna recognize this bird right here.

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Who in this 5 second shot, bends the bars of his cage with his beak and breaks free

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God bless this bird.

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This bird put more effort than Bill Cosby in his own movie.

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This bird did not deserve to be in one of the worst movies of all time.

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None of these animals did.

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This ostrich didn't deserve to be betrayed with a sex criminal grinding his pudding pop on its back.

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If audiences in 1987 hated this, watching it now,

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with all the humor naturally diluted even further to the passage of time

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is like drinking a 40 year old can of new coke