What's up cinephiles, I'm Evasive,
and this piece of paper right here means two things:
Number one, I am tens of thousands of
dollars in debt,
and number two, I know a lot about movies.
And since it looks like the U.S government
is not going to be giving me any debt relief this year,
I have no choice now but to torture myself on the Internet
for money to pay off the loans
I took out to go to film school.
(eEeEewWwWw!)
So for this video, I watched every movie that's ever won
a Razzie Award for Worst Picture of the Year.
This was an extremely painful experience
and I regretted my decision immediately,
but for the sake of my adoring fans
and my bank account,
I went ahead and watched all 46 of these
movies so I could explain them to you.
But after the grueling experience of watching all these movies,
I'm not about to tackle this breakdown alone.
So I went ahead and roped in another video
essay girly and a talking trash can
to help explain some of these movies for me.
But before I get to the movies, let me explain what the Razzies are.
The Golden Raspberry Awards are an annual event,
usually held the night before the Oscars,
to give out awards for the worst movies of the year.
It was founded by Hollywood copywriter
John Wilson and editor Maureen Murphy.
The idea for the Razzies came about
in 1980 when Wilson saw
Can't Stop the Music and Xanadu
back to back and hated them both
so much he thought there ought
to be an award show for this type of thing.
Months later, Wilson hosted an
Oscars watch party at his house,
and after the Oscars had finished,
he and Murphy passed out ballots to everyone at the party to vote
on the worst movies of the year,
and then he announced the winners in his living room.
Over time, the ceremony grew and grew,
and today they're considered a staple
of the Hollywood award season
as a low-budget Bizarro World Oscars
that distributes awards in categories
such as Worst Actor, Worst Director,
and Worst Screenplay.
Unlike the qualifications for voting at the Oscars, though,
becoming a Razzie voter is very easy:
either be friends with one of the producers
or just pay a $40 membership fee.
That's all it takes.
So that's the story of the Razzies.
Now, are you ready to learn about every single movie
that won Worst Picture?
Because I wasn't.
There's 46 of these things, so I'm going to talk about each one
just a minute or two
and hand off a few to my guests
so I don't completely lose my mind here.
Also, I put a content warning on a bunch of these movies
because of the sensitive subject matter I discuss.
Not trying to traumatize anybody but myself in this video...
well, me and my guests.
But I commissioned them for this, so i-- it's fine.
Anybody who can swallow two snowballs and a ding-dong
shouldn't have any trouble with pride.
[Evasive] The first movie to win Worst Picture was "Can't Stop The Music".
A movie about the "origins" of the disco group "Village People".
I say origins in air-quotes because the Village People play themselves
and the plot is completely made-up
and not at all how the Village People actually formed
The movie itself is super campy and full of these crazy musical numbers
that are unironically kinda great.
It's just too bad that in between those musical numbers are these scenes
with really terrible acting that go on for way too long.
"Wait a minute! I am not taking one more step 'til I know where I'm going."
"Yeah, quit my job, and you got me walking the beat again!"
- "And I'm not even getting paid for it!" - "Hey, hold your horses."
"I told ya I had a surprise for ya."
"I hope so. I turned in my coin change with the toll booth."
[Evasive] By 1980 the disco fad was almost over and
people loved to hate on disco music at the time
so you can see why this ended up being such a huge bomb.
Also, shockingly, this movie marks the first film appearance of Caitlyn Jenner
and apparently the experience was so bad
she didn't appear in a movie again until "Jack & Jill 2011".
And, uh, well.
Mommie Dearest is a "biopic"
about the life of actress Joan Crawford's adopted daughter Christina.
Again, I say biopic in air-quotes because the movie was based on
Christina Crawford's controversial memoir
that other members of Joan Crawford's family disavowed when it came out.
I haven't done much research on the topic
so I'm in no position to question this story.
But I will say that after the movie was made
Christina said the film was grotesque and not true to her memoir.
Released just 4 years after Joan Crawford passed away,
this movie basically spits all over her fresh grave
and portrays her as a horrible mother
who frequently, physically and emotionally abused her daughter.
Whether or not this is actually true is still a matter of debate.
Regardless of the real-life circumstances behind the movie,
Faye Dunway's performance of Joan Crawford is iconic now.
People who have unfortunately experienced emotional abuse from a parent
found her performance scarily true to their own life experiences
but general audiences thought she was just being outrageously campy
and over the top the whole movie.
Because of its reputation, the movie became a queer cult classic over the years
especially in the drag community.
It was even featured in the most recent season of RuPaul's Drag Race.
"No wire hangers!"
♫ No more wire hangers ♫ ♫ Ah, ah! ♫
♫ No, no, wire hangers ♫ ♫ No, no, no, no ♫
[Evasive] Inchon is a movie about the battle of Incheon in the Korean War.
It was financed and produced by the Unification Church,
a movement that was and still is considered a dangerous cult
with a leader who called himself the second coming of Jesus Christ.
The film's producer was a very wealthy member of the church.
He said he was instructed by God to make the film.
So, unsurprisingly, no investors wanted any part of this.
All 46 million dollars of the budget was provided by the church and its followers.
The film itself doesn't have much to do with the Unification Church.
It's a straightforward war movie that's just boring and unremarkable.
It had some star power but only because the actors in it were paid a lot of money.
With Laurence Olivier even admitting before the movie was released
that he was only in it for the money.
It was such a flop that no one even bothered to release it on home media.
The only available version of the movie today
was from an old VHS rip from when it played on Unification Church TV channel.
The only thing worth seeing in this movie was Laurence Olivier's makeup job.
I mean he looks like the Joker.
This movie is just tasteless.
it's based on a novel by Harold Robbins
who was paid 600 000 dollars for the film rights
and apparently fell asleep in the screening room
and never actually watched the movie.
First of all, in the first 15 minutes,
young Ray Liotta, in his first ever movie role,
sexually assaults the main character with a garden hose.
After that the rest of the movie is just her being forced to have sex
with gross older men in order to get ahead in Hollywood.
And you see all of it.
It seems like it was trying to criticize sexism in Hollywood
but instead of handling it with any kind of nuance or respect,
the movie fully shows the sex scenes
and does the very thing it's trying to critique.
The final scene of the movie shows her winning an Oscar for Best Screenplay
and calling out the men who took advantage of her
in her acceptance speech.
Then she's booed off stage, and leaves, and the movie just ends there.
It's really uncomfortable to watch.
But somehow the next movie is even worse.
Ugh, god, ok.
Bolero is a movie by John Derek.
John Derek is— (groan)
John Derek was an old Hollywood actor
who appeared in supporting roles in several big movies in the 1940s and 50s.
In 1973 when Derek was 47 years old,
he traveled to Europe to direct a low-budget movie called
"Once upon a Love" starring a 16 year old girl named
"Mary Cathleen Collins".
During the production— (retching)
I'm sorry.
During the production, John Derek left his wife
and groomed Mary Collins into a sexual relationship,
With the two staying in Europe until she turned 18
so he could avoid statutory (censor beep) charges.
When they got married a few years later, she changed her name to Bo Derek
and proceeded to star in all of his movies until he died in 1998.
(retching) (vomit squelching)
I'm sorry.
So anyway, Bolero was a movie about a young woman fresh from college
who travels to Morocco in Spain to lose her virginity.
If that wasn't bad enough,
this movie features a full-frontal nudity scene with a 14 year old girl.
Not an actress playing a 14 year old girl.
An actual 14 year old girl.
(retching, vomit squelching) (coughing)
If you've never seen any Rambo movies before
the image you probably associate with the word "Rambo"
is the one where hypermasculine Sylvester Stallone
is firing a machine gun without a shirt on.
But see, that's actually from this movie, "Rambo First Blood: Part II",
which has very little to do with Part 1 at all.
The whole point of the first Rambo movie was that
Rambo was a Vietnam War veteran with severe PTSD
who snaps and kills a bunch of small-time cops who treat him like shit.
This sequel, on the other hand
throws that tragic anti-war character out the window
as the US government sends him back to Vietnam
to locate prisoners of war
and Rambo is weirdly ok with that.
It's like he immediately got over his PTSD
and just got straight to blowing stuff up, no problem.
This movie was a massive box office success
and made double of what the first movie made,
so naturally, Rambo III also ditched the anti-war angle
and sent Rambo to Afghanistan.
I dunno if someone thought the first movie was amazing,
it really sucks to see how quickly they ruined this character.
But, like, I get it.
The people who went to see these sequels in theaters
didn't watch it for the plot.
They watched to see Sylvester Stallone do this.
(bow twang) (explosion)
In the early 80s, Prince was a rising star.
And his stardom was cemented in 1984
with the massive hit that was Purple Rain.
After the success of Purple Rain,
Warner Brothers told Prince he was basically allowed to do anything he wanted for his next project,
greenlighting Under the Cherry Moon without even reading the script
the story is, Prince plays a guy in the French Rivier named Christopher
He and his friend Tricky try to scam a rich girl out of her inheritance
but they both end up falling in love with her.
Problem with the movie became apparent early on
when Prince hired someone with no experience to write the script.
Then 16 days into filming, the director quit.
And Prince took over even though he had no experience directing a movie before.
The end result was a movie that features what I can only describe as
Acting.
"Don't try anything funny. Not this time, Christopher."
"I want the money or I throw you both out onto the street."
(gasp)
"That's right, [inaudible]"
"Throw me onto the street?"
It's bizarre, it's one of those movies where the acting is so bad it loops around to being funny
which has given the movie a bit of a cult following over the years
that and the soundtrack is amazing
like with Purple Rain Prince released an album with the movie that went Platinum
and is today remembered as one of the most iconic movies of his career
After Under the Cherry Moon failed, Prince tried one more time to direct a feature-length movie
but that one got nominated for a bunch of Razzies too
and after that he gave up and never tried to direct a movie again.
Also this here marks the first ever tie in Razzies history with Under the Cherry Moon tieing with
(laughing) Howard the Duck.
(laughing)
Greetings, Evasive viewers, it is I, young Junko, expert in Bird Law
and I'm here to defend my client Howard T. Duck,
star of the Razzies' Worst Film of 1986, Howard The Duck
For nearly the last 40 years my client's reputation has been tarnished and slandered against
by quack punch, chicken shit critics for this tragic box office bomb.
"Central character, the Duck, the one that we're gonna be rooting for,
he's neither funny, or bit of funny."
But I'm here to clear the air.
Howard the Duck is not a movie, no, it's a documentary.
I know this because I was there.
We all were.
My entire clan witnessed my client crash land on Earth
to star in a motion picture that of which has been
it's still awful. It's bad. We're not winning this case, buddy.
"I wasn't trying anything. Honest!"
This is a strange movie to say the least.
Howard the Duck notoriously opens with 2 instances of
full frontal duck booba in the span of 30 seconds.
But the rest of the movie is this whiplash
between what's a squeaky clean full house type family movie
that no one older than the age of 3 years old would find funny
followed by things like Marty McFly's mom showing off her ass and
pulling off a condom for Howard's corkscrew.
"Howard…"
It's like anti-matter Shrek where they didn't know how to mix adult humor and the kids' [inaudible] properly yet
so [inaudible] becomes this overly long bland comedy
with hardly any intentional laughs
that just happens to throw in something totally obscene every now and then
- [Howard] Oh! - I just can't resist your
intense animal magnetism.
There's a lot of attempts at duck puns, most are just replacing a random phrase in a word with "duck"
"That's it. No more Mr. Nice Duck."
Even the director's name is Willard Hyuck.
That's a duck name. That's a name you give a duck.
The first half of the movie has Howard pointlessly meandering
there's no funny interactions or observations or memorable bits
it's just an aimless movie with the guy in the duck suit.
You have an entire portion of the movie
where Howard has a job as a towel boy in a sex club
it's fun for the whole family!
Yeah, Breeders, what the hell.
Bareback bestiality and pedophilia.
Oh yeah, we find Howard getting a [inaudible] as a result of a [inaudible] incident.
Which also [inadubile] a Palpatine somehow returning from the dead and possessing the body of that one actor that's in every 80s movie who'd later be arrested for being a sex pervert.
"Whaddya think you'd like to eat?"
"I no longer need human food."
I need little boy butts.
You have a movie where a talking duck fires a giant laser
at a hell portal to stop a horde of alien warlords
from taking over the Earth
and they still manage to make it a total snooze fest
They try to give Howard a bit of edge
but he still feels too kiddy and sanitized for what they're going for
And part of that is his design.
He looks like a cross of a Furby and Mac Culkin.
There are some things I did like,
like these alien overlords are pretty cool
their design and their stop motion is really well done
and the sequence where Howard gets shot into space
is pretty neat, pretty impressive to look at.
I like this sequence where Howard and [inaudible] get a [inaudible]
and start flying away from the cops
that was good.
Yeah, Tim Robins is in this
Imagine having what's considered one of the best movies of all time as part of your portfolio
and then on the other end of the spectrum having Howard the Duck,
now that's range
Genuinely I was taken aback because some of the shots in this movie
undeniably go hard.
I feel like there's a version of this movie that could've actualy been good with less work
like if they leaned into Howard being this cynical wise-cracking duck
that's down on his luck who gets thrust into Earth and finds this strange new realm
isn't so much different from his own
then it's all about the bills baby put it on my belt
[inaudible] taking that as an opportunity for a fresh start,
slowly climbing his way up the corporate ladder
until becoming a national celebrity that gets caught up in 80s consumerism and greed
then maybe having begrudgingly involved in some of the weird sci-fi stuff like the comics, i dunno
I'm not sure how to defend my client, give him the chair.
(Howard screams)
(Evasive laughing)
Alright, I may not be able to defend Howard,
but know this: from this day forth, I will ensure every client of mine
is proven innocent.
Now for my next client, I will be defending one Bill Cosby.
Bill Co-Bill Cosby.
I'm good. Your Honor? I would draw. We're done here. We're done.
It's Leonard, part 6.
Ask anyone who's seen this movie they'll tell you
that's when they first knew lil' Bill was a real piece of shit
When I heard there was a comedy movie
that just started on part 6
I thought, hey, maybe this movie could be bad in a good way, at the very least
Nope, it's just bad, it's boring, it's so boring.
If there's one thing Cosby was always a master at
it's making people very sleepy.
The whole thing was supposed to be a spoof on the spy genre,
sorta like Naked Gun, except they actually came out a year before that movie
They really just had the cameras rolling and had Bill Cosby do whatever he wanted
There's a bunch of weird sex shit
I mean the clues are all there,
in the movie his wife divorced him because he slept with a 19 year old
and his daughter is dating a much older man to further her career as an actress
so then Leonard has to see her flash her tits on stage
for no reason, none of these scenes add anything to the movie
I think Cosby just wanted to look at some young girl tits
The whole film has this lethargic and slow energy to it
Everything from the dialogue to the editing,
it's like watching a movie at 0.5 speed.
The movie opens with Leonard and an assassin having a little shootout in a kitchen
The joke being that what they're doing is actually helping to prep some of the food
Ok, could be funny but the pace of it all is so bizarrely off by a step
Every gag and bit is like this, like they took something that was
maybe a 3 out of 10 joke at best and spread it so thin that
you ask yourself was there even a joke at all to begin with?
The plot follows Leonard being the best agent in the world
who's long been retired after being pulled back for one last mission
after a buncha animals under mind control start killing people
Yet again a god-awful 80s comedy starts of with an animal looking at a porno mag
Here's two fucking nickels
The entire first half is him just stumbling around tryna get back with his ex wife
who pours soup on him—what is this gag?
Is this a fetish, Mr. Cosby? You think this was genuinely funny?
[mocking] We'll have him pour soup.
Cosby doesn't have a single funny line or hook to his character
you can tell he's put zero effort into any of this
It's like he said "Yeah I'll do the movie but I don't wanna look too stupid,
don't make me look too stupid."
Most of these so-called jokes are what the most boring uptight person in the world would think being silly is.
[mocking] Oh, look, wow he's being a ballerina, so girly.
Oh, wow, he's doing a silly fitness tape, how can he subject himself to that.
Oh, wee, it's like he thinks these things are so beneath him
that just him doing it would be funny.
What a piece of shit.
You know what really makes me mad, though?
It's completely unfair. Because everyone seems to be trying, but him.
There's a part where Leonard tries to free all the animals from captivity,
and I just wanna recognize this bird right here.
Who in this 5 second shot, bends the bars of his cage with his beak and breaks free
God bless this bird.
This bird put more effort than Bill Cosby in his own movie.
This bird did not deserve to be in one of the worst movies of all time.
None of these animals did.
This ostrich didn't deserve to be betrayed with a sex criminal grinding his pudding pop on its back.
If audiences in 1987 hated this, watching it now,
with all the humor naturally diluted even further to the passage of time
is like drinking a 40 year old can of new coke