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TROM
voices

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Conflict resolution

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or how to avoid conflict with other people,

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which is a typical problem with everybody.

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Dealing with Conflict
Jacque Fresco

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The reason for conflict

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is because people come 
from different places,

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different environments.

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And they bring with them attitudes 
which they picked up there.

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So merely commanding another person,

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saying to another person,

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“You ought not to think the way you think”

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does not alter the behavior.

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So, if you really want to get along with people,

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only when they say to you

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“What’s the best way to put 
the shovel into the ground?”

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“Use your foot, it’s easier.”

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But if they don’t ask you, let it go.

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The best way to avoid conflict is to not

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superimpose your values, even though they’re
better than the other person values...

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whatever their views are.

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Unless they say to you. 
“What do you think of my views?”

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Then you can give your opinion.

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So, In working with conflict,

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you do it once or twice.

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You say "It seems to me 
if you held the drill this way...

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first, it would work better

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and that's what I found."

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But if a person doesn't ask you and 
they're busy drilling and they say

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"I don't want your fuckin' advice!"

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"You tend to your computer, 
I'll tend to my drilling."

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Sometimes people don't want advice. 
They feel they're being put down.

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Stop giving one another advice, 
that produces antagonism.

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Unless they ask for it.

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Now, is this an absolute formula? 
It's a better way of dealing with people

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because you can't turn them around 
by pointing out

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"The trouble with you is 
you don't listen to anybody."

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That doesn't cause them to now listen.

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They'll go on with their same pattern, 
unless they say to you:

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"Am I inattentive?"

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or "Do I appear inattentive?"

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Very few people talk like that.

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That's what sane means. Sane means,

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when a person comes over to you and says

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"I'm not familiar with that jigsaw, 
how to use it."

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Then you instruct them.

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If they come over everyday and say

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"I don't know how to use a jigsaw" 
watch them and guide them through it.

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Does that make sense?

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Do you have any attitudes now about different 
people that think differently than you do?

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They think differently than you do, period.

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Making a comment as 
"You're dimwitted" or "slow"

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"The trouble with you is that 
you have no imagination!"

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That doesn't alter behavior,

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it only increases conflict.

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Do you understand what I'm saying?

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If a person is a very good 
painter of roses

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and you like roses,

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then you will associate with 
him for that reason.

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But if he says "If you just ask me,

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all the Irish ought to be 
sent back to Ireland."

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say "Well, I don't feel that 
way about the Irish so

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I'd rather not discuss it.”

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"I think there are Swedes that behave badly

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and some Swedes that behave well." 
You can say that.

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He might understand that 
"...but I appreciate your comments."

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Don't wipe him out. 
"You're a racist!"

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You know, don't wipe him out.

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