WEBVTT

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Parte 4:
Questões & Expressando
e Recebendo Gratidão

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Esta manhã você falou sobre
se lamentar em girafês, e que

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existe uma diferença na maneira como
dizemos: "me desculpe" para alguém,

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e eu quero ouvir sobre isso.

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Ok, então vamos dar uma rápida olhada
no eu quero dizer sobre lamentação em "girafês"

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Pense em algo que você fez

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que você gostaria de não ter feito.

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[Risos]

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E identifique, relembre, da melhor forma
possível, como você falou consigo mesmo,

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quando você disse isso ou fez isso,
qualquer coisa que tenha feito.

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Então, o que você fez que você desejou
que não tivesse feito, após tê-lo feito?

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E me dê um exemplo do que você
disse para si mesmo naquele momento.

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Você tem algo em mente?

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Certo.

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É que eu estava na defensiva
o critiquei alguém.

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Então, o que você fez foi...

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... você disse algumas coisas para alguém,
que você gostaria de não ter dito.

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Certo, Ok. E o que você disse para
você mesmo quando você disse aquilo?

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Normalmente, no momento
e me sinto defensiva comigo.

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Não, I quero saber objetivamente, para este exercício, eu preciso saber objetivamente

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o que você disse para você mesma quando
você se comportou de uma forma que lhe desagradou.

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Isso é muito importante para responder
a questão sobre lamentação em "girafês",

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muito importante para identificar o quê
seu educador interno está dizendo a você.

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Percebe? Todos nós temos
um educador interno,

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cuja função é nos educar quando
somo menos do que perfeitos.

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Agora, a maior de nós comete o erro
de mandar o educador interno para

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uma brutal academia "Chacal" para
educadores internos.

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E é tão importante estar consciente

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de como nosso educador interno fala
conosco. E é isso que estou perguntando.

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Quando você disse o que você fez ao seu
marido, o quê o seu educador interno...

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como o seu educador interno
tentou te educar?

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O quê você disse a si mesma sobre
o quê você tinha feito?

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No momento ou depois?
Tanto faz.

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Bem, o momento no qual eu começo a
me arrepender ou lamentar é posterior.

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A qualquer momento, o que você diz para
você mesma sobre o quê você fez?

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Certo, E disse que eu sou má!

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Agora, isso é o suficiente.

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Seu educador interno tenta te
educar através da penitência.

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Tentando fazer você se odiar
pelo que você fez.

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Ele usa uma linguagem que afirma
que existe algo como uma má pessoa.

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Tudo certo. Agora, se você se desculpar
com essa energia, isso é "Chacal".

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Qualquer desculpa que vier de um
pensamento que você fez algo errado

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não será bom para você,
ou para a outra pessoa.

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Está me acompanhando?

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Eu sei que eu me sinto mal.
Sim, isso é ruim.

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E eu quero que você se sinta
mal nessa situação,

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mas eu que você sinta um
mal doce.

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Um mal doce que te ajude aprender
disso, sem odiar a você mesma.

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Quando você tem um pensamento na sua
cabeça de que você é uma pessoa má, isso
é um mal feio.

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Esse é um mal punitivo.

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Isso, primeiro, tornará difícil 
o aprendizado.

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E mesmo que você aprenda, virá
de se odiar

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então, qualquer mudança que você
faz, virá a um alto preço.

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Então, esse é o seu educador interno.

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Esse era o seu educador interno
falando com você

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quando ele disse que você
era uma pessoa má.

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Agora, nos estivemos
aprendendo hoje,

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que todos os julgamentos são expressões
de necessidade não atendidas, certo?

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Então, seu educador interno
é bem intencionado.

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Ele realmente é bem intencionado.
Ele quer que você aprenda disso,

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De uma maneira que sirva a vida.

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Ele é bem intencionado, é só que
sua linguagem é que é uma droga. Tá?

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Então nós não vamos querer ouvir o que
o educador interno pensa sobre nós.

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Nós queremos ouvir a necessidade
que não está sendo atendida,

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que ele está tentando trazer
para a sua atenção.

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Então, qual a necessidade que o seu educador interno está tentando trazer para sua atenção

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que você não atendeu pela forma
com que se comportou?

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- Ahhh... uma necessidade de...

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...estar em um relacionamento
com a outra pessoa?

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- Uma necessidade... em que tipo de 
relacionamento?

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- De mútua compreensão, respeitosa?
- Certo.

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Então isso não atendeu sua necessidade por
respeito e compreensão para com o outro.

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- Sim. - E como você se sente quando essa
necessidade não é atendida?

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- Culpada. - Então você ainda tem essa
imagem de ser uma pessoa ruim. Vê?

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Você ainda pensa que é má...
Se ainda existe algo acontecendo,

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essa culpa vem do julgamento

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- Bem, Eu me sinto separada e isolada.

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Mas como você se sente?
Qual emoção você sente sobre

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não atender suas próprias necessidades

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por entendimento e respeito?

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Vê, a culpa vem dessa imagem
de pessoa má.

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Que sentimento vem de não atender
sua própria necessidade

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em responder a essa pessoa com
respeito e entendimento?

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- Tristeza.

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- Essa é a dor doce.

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Isso é se lamentar em "girafês".

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Então, se você disser para a pessoa

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"Pela maneira com que eu falei com
você, eu me senti bem triste.

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Não atendeu a minha necessidade por
respeito e entendimento para com você".

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Percebe? Não há nenhuma imagem ai,
de que eu sou uma má pessoa.

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Eu estou triste.

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Eu não atendi minha própria necessidade
por respeitar e entender você.

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Confirme com as outras pessoas o quê
elas poderiam ter ouvido.

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Se elas ouviram o lamentar em "girafês",

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ou uma desculpa de que
você é uma pessoa má.

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Sim

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- Eu estou tendo um pequeno
problema tentando achar o fio

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desse modelo, de alguma forma.

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Parece que tudo é... mesmo que estejamos 
falando no nível dos sentimentos,

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tudo parece... estou interpretando,
de qualquer forma...

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um tipo de, no nível mental, como
fosse oposto ao nível emocional,

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e eu acho que eu opero muito
das minhas emoções,

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e eu estou tentando mergulhar
nisso de alguma forma.

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Então eu preciso de alguma
ajuda com isso.

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Basicamente, diga-me como

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eu poderia usar essa técnica
no meu dia-a-dia,

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para fazer que isso não pareça... bem,
para que seja natural, você sabe?

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Não é natural para mim fazer
dessa forma.

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- A primeira coisa que eu recomendaria
para você

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é: mude a palavra
"natural" para "habitual".

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- Fazer o quê?
- Mude a palavra "natural" para "habitual".

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Eu penso que esse processo é natural,

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mais natural do que o jeito como
fomos treinados a pensar.

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Então, Gandhi disse: - "É muito
perigoso misturar as palavras

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'natural' e 'habitual'".

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Eles disse: - "Nós temos sido treinados
para ser muito habituais na comunicação

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em formar que não são muito naturais".

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Então, eu não consigo pensar em uma
forma mais natural de comunicação

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do que falar sobre o que
está vivo em nós.

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Somente o que estamos
sentindo e necessitando.

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- Quando você quer dizer...
se eu quero dizer "não",

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dizer "não" parece bom para mim,
mas que você disse antes disso é que...

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- O quê você quer dizer por "bom" em
"é bom dizer 'não'"?

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- O que você quer dizer pelo o que eu quero dizer?
- Não vamos ficar indo e vindo.

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Perdão? - Nós ficaremos indo e vindo por
perguntar um ao outro...

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- Sim, então deixe eu ser mais específico.

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- Quando você diz "não",

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eu prevejo que você por dizer "não",

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mais frequentemente do que você gostaria
a outra pessoa reagirá a você

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