1
00:00:01,207 --> 00:00:02,895
Hello.

2
00:00:02,895 --> 00:00:05,288
I'd like to introduce you to someone.

3
00:00:05,288 --> 00:00:07,793
This is Jomny.

4
00:00:07,983 --> 00:00:10,768
That's "Jonny" but spelled
accidentally with an "m,"

5
00:00:10,768 --> 00:00:12,592
in case you were wondering,

6
00:00:12,592 --> 00:00:13,764
because we're not all perfect.

7
00:00:13,764 --> 00:00:15,626
Jomny is an alien

8
00:00:15,626 --> 00:00:18,831
who has been sent to Earth
with a mission to study humans.

9
00:00:18,831 --> 00:00:22,720
Jomny is feeling lost and alone
and far from home,

10
00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:25,916
and I think we've all felt this way.

11
00:00:26,076 --> 00:00:27,754
Or, at least I have.

12
00:00:27,754 --> 00:00:30,736
I wrote this story about this alien
at a moment in my life

13
00:00:30,736 --> 00:00:32,729
when I was feeling particularly alien.

14
00:00:32,729 --> 00:00:35,778
I had just moved to Cambridge
and started my doctoral program at MIT,

15
00:00:35,778 --> 00:00:40,305
and I was feeling intimidated and isolated
and very much like I didn't belong.

16
00:00:40,305 --> 00:00:44,182
But I had a lifeline of sorts.

17
00:00:44,182 --> 00:00:48,292
See, I was writing jokes
for years and years

18
00:00:48,292 --> 00:00:50,674
and sharing them on social media,

19
00:00:50,674 --> 00:00:54,471
and I found that I was turning
to doing this more and more.

20
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:58,765
Now, for many people, the internet
can feel like a lonely place.

21
00:00:58,765 --> 00:01:00,169
It can feel like this,

22
00:01:00,169 --> 00:01:02,695
a big, endless, expansive void

23
00:01:02,695 --> 00:01:05,944
where you can constantly call out to it
but no one's ever listening.

24
00:01:06,873 --> 00:01:10,383
But I actually found a comfort
in speaking out to the void.

25
00:01:10,383 --> 00:01:12,866
I found, in sharing
my feelings with the void,

26
00:01:12,866 --> 00:01:16,833
eventually the void started to speak back.

27
00:01:16,833 --> 00:01:19,800
And it turns out that the void
isn't this endless lonely expanse at all,

28
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:23,248
but instead it's full of
all sorts of other people,

29
00:01:23,248 --> 00:01:25,886
also staring out into it
and also wanting to be heard.

30
00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:29,678
Now, there have been many bad things
that have come from social media.

31
00:01:29,678 --> 00:01:32,041
I'm not trying to dispute that at all.

32
00:01:32,041 --> 00:01:35,525
To be online at any given point
is to feel so much sadness

33
00:01:35,525 --> 00:01:37,757
and anger and violence.

34
00:01:37,757 --> 00:01:39,398
It can feel like the end of the world.

35
00:01:39,398 --> 00:01:40,907
Yet, at the same time, I'm conflicted,

36
00:01:40,907 --> 00:01:42,156
because I can't deny the fact that
so many of my closest friends

37
00:01:42,349 --> 00:01:44,217
are people that I had met
originally online.

38
00:01:44,217 --> 00:01:51,670
And I think that's partly because
there's this confessional nature

39
00:01:51,670 --> 00:01:52,892
to social media.

40
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:57,954
It can feel like you are writing
in this personal, intimate diary

41
00:01:57,954 --> 00:01:59,998
that's completely private,

42
00:01:59,998 --> 00:02:02,707
yet at the same time you want
everyone in the world to read it.

43
00:02:02,707 --> 00:02:05,517
And I think part of that, the joy of that

44
00:02:05,517 --> 00:02:08,678
is that we get to experience things
from perspectives from people

45
00:02:08,678 --> 00:02:10,970
who are completely
different from ourselves,

46
00:02:10,970 --> 00:02:12,424
and sometimes that's a nice thing.

47
00:02:12,424 --> 00:02:13,840
For example, when I first joined Twitter,

48
00:02:13,840 --> 00:02:16,904
I found that so many of the people
that I was following

49
00:02:16,904 --> 00:02:19,763
were talking about mental health
and going to therapy

50
00:02:19,763 --> 00:02:23,475
in ways that had none of the stigma
that they often do

51
00:02:23,475 --> 00:02:25,690
when we talk about these issues in person.

52
00:02:25,911 --> 00:02:29,752
Through them, the conversation
around mental health was normalized,

53
00:02:29,752 --> 00:02:32,969
and they helped me realize
that going to therapy was something

54
00:02:32,969 --> 00:02:34,514
that would help me as well.

55
00:02:34,514 --> 00:02:34,764
Now, for many people,

56
00:02:34,764 --> 00:02:39,362
it sounds like a scary idea
to be talking about all these topics

57
00:02:39,362 --> 00:02:43,801
so publicly and so openly on the internet.

58
00:02:43,801 --> 00:02:48,397
I feel like a lot of people
think that it is a big, scary thing

59
00:02:48,397 --> 00:02:52,174
to be online if you're not already
perfectly and fully formed.

60
00:02:52,655 --> 00:02:56,008
But I think the internet can be
actually a great place to not know,

61
00:02:56,008 --> 00:02:59,207
and I think we can
treat that with excitement,

62
00:02:59,207 --> 00:03:04,807
because to me there's something
important about sharing your imperfections

63
00:03:04,807 --> 00:03:07,778
and your insecurities
and your vulnerabilities

64
00:03:07,778 --> 00:03:10,151
with other people.

65
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:15,890
Now, when someone shares
that they feel sad or afraid

66
00:03:15,890 --> 00:03:19,565
or alone, for example,
it actually makes me feel less alone,

67
00:03:19,565 --> 00:03:23,226
not by getting rid of any of my loneliness

68
00:03:23,226 --> 00:03:25,157
but by showing me that I am not alone

69
00:03:25,157 --> 00:03:26,699
in feeling lonely.

70
00:03:26,699 --> 00:03:28,572
And as a writer and as an artist,

71
00:03:28,572 --> 00:03:31,913
I care very much about making this
comfort of being vulnerable

72
00:03:31,913 --> 00:03:35,117
a communal thing, something that we
can share with each other.

73
00:03:35,377 --> 00:03:37,928
I'm excited about
externalizing the internal,

74
00:03:37,928 --> 00:03:42,680
about taking those invisible personal
feelings that I don't have words for,

75
00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:44,105
holding them to the light,

76
00:03:44,105 --> 00:03:45,208
putting words to them,

77
00:03:45,208 --> 00:03:46,859
and then sharing them with other people

78
00:03:46,859 --> 00:03:50,974
in the hopes that it might help them
find words to find their feelings as well.

79
00:03:50,974 --> 00:03:53,239
Now, I know that sounds like a big thing,

80
00:03:53,239 --> 00:03:55,691
but ultimately I'm interested
in putting all these things

81
00:03:55,691 --> 00:03:58,591
into small, approachable packages,

82
00:03:58,591 --> 00:04:01,304
because when we can hide them
into these smaller pieces,

83
00:04:01,304 --> 00:04:02,639
I think they are easier to approach.
I think they're more fun.

84
00:04:02,639 --> 00:04:06,928
I think they can more easily help us
see our shared humanness.

85
00:04:06,928 --> 00:04:09,712
Sometimes that takes the form
of a short story,

86
00:04:09,712 --> 00:04:12,878
sometimes that takes the form of
a cute book of illustrations, for example,

87
00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:15,492
and sometimes that takes the form

88
00:04:15,492 --> 00:04:17,301
of a silly joke that
I'll throw on the internet.

89
00:04:17,301 --> 00:04:20,679
For example, a few months ago,
I posted this app idea

90
00:04:20,679 --> 00:04:22,725
for a dog-walking service

91
00:04:22,725 --> 00:04:25,377
where a dog shows up at your door
and you have to get out of the house

92
00:04:25,377 --> 00:04:27,041
and go for a walk.

93
00:04:27,041 --> 00:04:29,003
(Laughter)

94
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:32,830
If there are app developers
in the audience,

95
00:04:32,830 --> 00:04:35,148
please find me after the talk.

96
00:04:35,148 --> 00:04:38,740
Or, I like to share every time
I feel anxious about sending an email.

97
00:04:38,740 --> 00:04:40,211
When I sign my emails "Best,"

98
00:04:40,211 --> 00:04:42,306
it's short for "I am trying my best,"

99
00:04:42,306 --> 00:04:45,985
which is short for "Please don't hate me,
I promise I'm trying my best!"

100
00:04:46,936 --> 00:04:49,335
Or, my answer to the classic icebreaker,

101
00:04:49,335 --> 00:04:52,480
if I could have dinner with anyone,
dead or alive, I would.

102
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:53,392
I am very lonely.

103
00:04:53,392 --> 00:04:55,968
(Laughter)

104
00:04:57,037 --> 00:05:01,897
And I find that when
I post things like these online,

105
00:05:01,897 --> 00:05:04,116
the reaction is very similar.

106
00:05:04,116 --> 00:05:05,253
People come together to share a laugh,

107
00:05:05,253 --> 00:05:08,571
to share in that feeling,

108
00:05:08,571 --> 00:05:12,242
and then to disburse just as quickly.

109
00:05:12,242 --> 00:05:13,049
(Laughter)

110
00:05:13,049 --> 00:05:14,557
But -- yes, leaving me once again alone.

111
00:05:14,557 --> 00:05:17,119
But I think sometimes these
little gatherings can be quite meaningful.

112
00:05:17,119 --> 00:05:21,186
For example, when I graduated
from architecture school

113
00:05:21,186 --> 00:05:22,600
and I moved to Cambridge,

114
00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,305
I posted this question:

115
00:05:24,305 --> 00:05:26,209
how many people in your life
have you already had

116
00:05:26,209 --> 00:05:28,262
your last conversation with?

117
00:05:29,018 --> 00:05:32,893
And I was thinking about
my own friends who had moved away

118
00:05:32,893 --> 00:05:34,830
to different cities
and different countries, even,

119
00:05:34,830 --> 00:05:37,377
and how hard it would be
for me to keep in touch with them.

120
00:05:37,377 --> 00:05:41,016
But other people started replying
and sharing their own experiences.

121
00:05:41,016 --> 00:05:44,008
Somebody talked about a family member
they had a falling out with.

122
00:05:44,008 --> 00:05:47,288
Someone talked about a loved one
who had passed away

123
00:05:47,288 --> 00:05:48,875
quickly and unexpectedly.

124
00:05:48,875 --> 00:05:51,762
Someone else talked about
their friends from school

125
00:05:51,762 --> 00:05:53,126
who had moved away as well.

126
00:05:53,126 --> 00:05:55,888
But then something really nice
started happening.

127
00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:57,374
Instead of just replying to me,

128
00:05:57,374 --> 00:05:59,869
people started replying to each other,

129
00:05:59,869 --> 00:06:02,974
and they started to talk to each other
and share their own experiences

130
00:06:02,974 --> 00:06:06,424
and comfort each other

131
00:06:06,424 --> 00:06:08,103
and encourage each other
to reach out to that friend

132
00:06:08,103 --> 00:06:09,067
that they hadn't spoken to in a while

133
00:06:09,067 --> 00:06:11,953
or that family member
that they had a falling out with.

134
00:06:11,953 --> 00:06:14,097
And eventually, we got this little
tiny micro-community.

135
00:06:14,097 --> 00:06:19,152
It felt like this support group formed

136
00:06:19,152 --> 00:06:21,853
of all sorts of people coming together.

137
00:06:22,074 --> 00:06:25,400
And I think every time we post online,

138
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:26,852
every time we do this, there's a chance

139
00:06:26,852 --> 00:06:29,130
that these little
micro-communities can form.

140
00:06:29,130 --> 00:06:33,133
There's a chance that all sorts
of different creatures

141
00:06:33,133 --> 00:06:35,402
can come together and be drawn together.

142
00:06:35,402 --> 00:06:38,089
And sometimes, through
the muck of the internet,

143
00:06:38,089 --> 00:06:41,081
you have to find a kindred spirit.

144
00:06:41,498 --> 00:06:44,595
Sometimes that's in
the reading the replies

145
00:06:44,595 --> 00:06:48,132
and the comments sections and finding
a reply that is particularly kind

146
00:06:48,132 --> 00:06:49,984
or insightful or funny.

147
00:06:49,984 --> 00:06:52,817
Sometimes that's in
going to follow someone

148
00:06:52,817 --> 00:06:55,565
and seeing that they
already follow you back.

149
00:06:55,565 --> 00:06:58,536
And sometimes that's in looking at someone
that you know in real life

150
00:06:58,536 --> 00:07:00,533
and seeing the things that you write
and the things that they write

151
00:07:00,533 --> 00:07:04,595
and realizing that you share
so many of the same interests

152
00:07:04,595 --> 00:07:07,587
as they do, and that brings them
closer together to you.

153
00:07:07,587 --> 00:07:09,742
Sometimes, if you're lucky,

154
00:07:09,742 --> 00:07:12,812
you get to meet another alien.

155
00:07:15,212 --> 00:07:17,367
But I am worried, too,

156
00:07:17,367 --> 00:07:19,996
because as we all know,

157
00:07:19,996 --> 00:07:22,779
the internet for the most part
doesn't feel like this.

158
00:07:22,779 --> 00:07:25,572
We all know that for the most part,
the internet feels like a place

159
00:07:25,572 --> 00:07:28,069
where we misunderstand each other,

160
00:07:28,069 --> 00:07:31,287
where we come into conflict
with each other,

161
00:07:32,775 --> 00:07:38,020
where there's all sorts of confusion
and screaming and yelling and shouting,

162
00:07:38,020 --> 00:07:39,920
and it feels like
there's too much of everything.

163
00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:41,837
It feels like chaos,

164
00:07:41,837 --> 00:07:46,283
and I don't know how to square away
the bad parts with the good,

165
00:07:46,283 --> 00:07:47,979
because as we know and as we've seen,

166
00:07:47,979 --> 00:07:52,815
the bad parts can really, really hurt us.

167
00:07:52,815 --> 00:07:57,687
It feels to me that the platforms
that we use to inhabit these online spaces

168
00:07:57,687 --> 00:08:00,400
have been designed
either ignorantly or willfully

169
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:04,152
to allow for harassment and abuse,
to propagate misinformation,

170
00:08:04,152 --> 00:08:07,908
to enable hatred and hate speech
and the violence that comes from it,

171
00:08:07,908 --> 00:08:10,277
and it feels like
none of our current platforms

172
00:08:10,277 --> 00:08:13,193
are doing enough to address
and to fix that.

173
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:16,813
But still, and maybe
probably unfortunately,

174
00:08:16,813 --> 00:08:20,442
I'm still drawn to these online spaces,
as many others are,

175
00:08:20,442 --> 00:08:24,170
because sometimes it just feels
like that's where all the people are.

176
00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:26,515
And I feel silly

177
00:08:26,515 --> 00:08:28,656
and stupid sometimes

178
00:08:28,656 --> 00:08:33,550
for valuing these small moments
of human connection in times like these.

179
00:08:33,550 --> 00:08:35,809
But I've always operated under this idea

180
00:08:35,809 --> 00:08:40,710
that these little moments of humanness
are not superfluous.

181
00:08:40,710 --> 00:08:42,691
They're not retreats
from the world at all,

182
00:08:42,691 --> 00:08:44,508
but instead they're the reasons
why we come to these spaces.

183
00:08:44,508 --> 00:08:46,312
They are important and vital

184
00:08:46,312 --> 00:08:50,588
and they affirm and they give us life.

185
00:08:50,588 --> 00:08:54,062
And they are these tiny,
temporary sanctuaries

186
00:08:54,062 --> 00:08:57,365
that show us that we are not
as alone as we think we are.

187
00:08:57,991 --> 00:09:00,832
And so yes, even though life is bad
and everyone's sad

188
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:03,784
and one day we're all going to die,

189
00:09:03,784 --> 00:09:06,928
(Laughter),

190
00:09:10,574 --> 00:09:14,897
I think the inflatable metaphorical
bouncy castle in this case

191
00:09:14,897 --> 00:09:20,613
is really our relationships
and our connections to other people.

192
00:09:22,782 --> 00:09:24,224
And so one night,

193
00:09:24,224 --> 00:09:27,190
when I was feeling particularly sad
and hopeless about the world,

194
00:09:27,190 --> 00:09:29,451
I shouted out to the vote,

195
00:09:29,451 --> 00:09:31,584
to the lonely darkness.

196
00:09:31,584 --> 00:09:33,970
I said, "At this point,
logging on to social media

197
00:09:33,970 --> 00:09:37,000
feels like holding someone's hand
at the end of the world."

198
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:37,250
And this time, instead of
the void responding,

199
00:09:37,250 --> 00:09:41,617
it was people who showed up,

200
00:09:41,617 --> 00:09:44,721
who started replying to me and then
who started talking to each other,

201
00:09:44,721 --> 00:09:49,159
and slowly this little
tiny community formed.

202
00:09:49,159 --> 00:09:51,669
Everybody came together to hold hands.

203
00:09:51,669 --> 00:09:56,330
And in these dangerous and unsure times,

204
00:09:56,330 --> 00:09:58,475
in the midst of it all,

205
00:09:58,475 --> 00:10:02,373
I think the thing that we have
to hold on to is other people.

206
00:10:02,882 --> 00:10:07,080
And I know that is a small thing
made up of small moments,

207
00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:10,349
but I think it is one tiny,
tiny sliver of light

208
00:10:10,349 --> 00:10:12,521
in all the darkness.

209
00:10:12,521 --> 00:10:14,590
Thank you.

210
00:10:14,590 --> 00:10:18,584
(Applause)

211
00:10:18,584 --> 00:10:20,609
Thank you.

212
00:10:20,609 --> 00:10:23,502
(Applause)